The goddess took a deep breath, and Evan couldn't even help mirroring it. He felt grim that she might be intending to do this memory thing now, but he supposed there wasn't necessarily a better time.
The goddess withdrew from him, and Evan clenched his jaw shut to stifle a frustrated sigh. He tensed his whole body in her wake, hands anchoring themselves to his knees lest they reach for her. His cheeks burned with embarrassment, his chest raw and throbbing with longing. It was truly terrifying how desperately he wanted to be close to her, and he swallowed a bit uneasily, granting that the old woman may indeed have been right about him needing time apart to keep his head--though his stomach dropped through the floor at the thought.
"Come lie beside me and close your eyes," the goddess' voice graced his ears, and elation pulsed through Evan's body as he pushed himself to his feet, though a soft groan did escape him in the process. She'd returned to the lounge, and Evan laid down beside her as she'd bidden, warmth and relief washing through him as he pressed his body against hers and settled in. He would have liked to wrap himself around her entirely, rather than this chaste side-to-side contact, but she had said beside, and anyway, even if the old woman had advised him not to keep anything from the goddess, he still wasn't keen to be that fucking desperate, not if he could help it.
The thought crossed his mind, though, that the goddess didn't want to hide anything from him tonight, and he felt a little guilty for the impulse to play things cool. The feeling faded to surprise and awe, though, when he realized that thought hadn't come from nowhere, though; were they merged again? Just like that? But, no, it wasn't quite the same. Before he could quite put his finger on why, his attention shifted to the image of a girl--mismatched clothes and unnatural white hair flickering in and out of existence with her and her eerie smile. She wasn't quite the same kind of unnerving that Samael had been, which at least Evan's stomach was grateful for, at least until the image shifted into--what, Evan wasn't exactly sure. It was a place rather than a person, warped and garish and intense. Evan winced, the temptation to pull away tugging at his periphery, but he clenched his eyes stubbornly shut to spite it. Then he felt the goddess grasp his hand, and he squeezed it in return, grateful for the grounding contact amidst the cacophony of sights and sensations that pulled at his attention.
It seemed to Evan like the goddess was looking for something here, and only then did it finally click that what he was seeing might be the Underworld. Gods, he had never imagined it so fucking experientially bright and loud, but he supposed it wasn't like it was going to be a pleasant place to be. And yet... maybe some part of him had imagined it to be pleasant; at least quiet, filled with a certain sort of peace. Surely, somewhere, there would be?
You've tried this before. A voice--the girl's--echoed through Evan's mind. We're saving you some time.
Tried what before? Dehaljadrun had never successfully sent someone to the Underworld. And who was "we"? Who was this girl working with? The upper gods? The king himself? But why come to warn her?
Evan tried to keep up with the thoughts, but lost the thread of them when he realized that they weren't actually his own. He felt scared, that he wasn't actually helping, or like he might somehow lose her amidst all this tumbling and swirling in their minds. He hated that he didn't feel like he was entirely keeping up.
He hated it even more when he looked up and saw the king.
Rorrim had him--well, the goddess, on her back, demanding that she tell him something. Something... she was afraid of? This was a memory, he supposed. Back when the king and the goddess...
Evan couldn't help recalling the rage in the goddess' eyes as she held her knife to Evan's throat for daring to utter Rorrim's name.
"Dehaljadrun," the king said her name with a flippant calm, and the goddess' nails bit into his arm. The least of what he deserved, Evan thought. But the king grabbed the goddess' arms and pinned them down, and Evan squirmed. He hated that it didn't seem like the goddess did.
"Tell me," the king insisted quietly, over and over again. The goddess finally replied,
"Myself."
Evan heard the goddess draw in a sharp breath next to him as her hand squeezed his, the memory dissipating and leaving Evan's heart pounding with jealousy and disgust in his ears. He didn't exactly want to, but he couldn't help pulling away from her, his back desperate to get off the ground and his arms desperate to feel free. He stood, shaking his wrists and bouncing lightly on his feet as he tried to shrug off the memory of the king pinning his--the goddess'--arms, and tried to stave off the memory of Pemberley shoving him to the ground the previous night.
When his eyes returned to the goddess, she looked deep in thought. He rubbed at his chest, simultaneously grateful that she wasn't paying him much mind, but also a bit peeved by it. Obviously he'd known that the king had been with the goddess, but he couldn't have guessed it had been like that. He rubbed at his wrist, then, recalling just how fast she'd restrained him on that first night. He hoped it wasn't all about Rorrim--surely, it couldn't be all about a mere man, however powerful--but damn, it did cast it all in a bit of a different light. Not the least, the moment Evan had opened his big snarky mouth as he was pinned to the table.
"Rorrim probably liked this shit, too, huh?"
Fuck. Evan sloughed back down on the lounge, but facing away from the goddess, forehead buried in his palms. He replayed the flash of Rorrim pinning the goddess when her nails bit into his skin, and he felt like such a fucking idiot.
"It's different..." the goddess spoke up, startling him slightly. His shoulders flinched, and as he urged himself to relax, he let his hands drop down into his lap, his eyes settling wearily on the floor in front of him.
"...for everyone. The Underworld. That was Mirrah's version of it."
Mirrah. The girl, he supposed. He might have caught her name in the swirls of garish light, but it hadn't stuck. He wondered grimly how much else he hadn't tracked.
"At least, at first."
Evan sighed and pivoted just enough to look at the goddess, his expression awkward and grumpy. He wanted to be angry, but he knew that wasn't rational. Mostly he just didn't know what to do with the uneasy embarrassment that coiled in his chest, keeping his shoulders hunched and his jaw tense. His eyes fell back down, this time to the lounge they sat on. He had to say something.
"Did you... find what you were looking for?" He finally asked, his gaze dipping upwards in a shy but hopeful gesture. He supposed, more than anything, he just wanted to feel that that had been useful, and he could sort the rest out later.
Part 1 (Start Reading Here)
Moderator: On Dreams And Desire
Re: Part 1 (Start Reading Here)
Did you... find what you were looking for?
Evan turned only barely enough to look at her, and the goddess grew indignant at the furrow in his eyebrows. Only then did embarrassment about what Evan had seen with the king wash over her. What did Evan think of her now, giving so easily into Rorrim? Fuck, she didn't want this. Any of it.
And, had she found anything? She didn't exactly know, but the sensation of needing to go to the Underworld had certainly gotten stronger, and... there was something waiting for her--and Evan--there.
She was angry and frustrated and embarrassed and uncomfortable and pissed off that every time the two of them had a good moment together, something had to come up and ruin it.
Finally, unable to control herself, she grabbed Evan's shirt and pulled him down across her thigh, circling a hand over his throat but not pressing down as she did so. Just threatening.
"Lest you get any ideas," she said, looking down at him. Her expression was hard at first with a frown that was almost a grimace, but it softened when she really looked at Evan. Then, she looked away, momentarily, and said, "Yes. I did." Part of her didn't want to elaborate more, but Evan was the one risking his life on her behalf. He had a right to know. With a sigh, she turned her face back toward him and said, "there's a part of me that may be trapped in the Underworld, and I need you to find it."
"Now, if you're done being jealous, maybe we can get on with our evening," the goddess said with a smirk.
((OOC: her grip is soft enough that Evan could break out of it at any time.))
Evan turned only barely enough to look at her, and the goddess grew indignant at the furrow in his eyebrows. Only then did embarrassment about what Evan had seen with the king wash over her. What did Evan think of her now, giving so easily into Rorrim? Fuck, she didn't want this. Any of it.
And, had she found anything? She didn't exactly know, but the sensation of needing to go to the Underworld had certainly gotten stronger, and... there was something waiting for her--and Evan--there.
She was angry and frustrated and embarrassed and uncomfortable and pissed off that every time the two of them had a good moment together, something had to come up and ruin it.
Finally, unable to control herself, she grabbed Evan's shirt and pulled him down across her thigh, circling a hand over his throat but not pressing down as she did so. Just threatening.
"Lest you get any ideas," she said, looking down at him. Her expression was hard at first with a frown that was almost a grimace, but it softened when she really looked at Evan. Then, she looked away, momentarily, and said, "Yes. I did." Part of her didn't want to elaborate more, but Evan was the one risking his life on her behalf. He had a right to know. With a sigh, she turned her face back toward him and said, "there's a part of me that may be trapped in the Underworld, and I need you to find it."
"Now, if you're done being jealous, maybe we can get on with our evening," the goddess said with a smirk.
((OOC: her grip is soft enough that Evan could break out of it at any time.))
Re: Part 1 (Start Reading Here)
The goddess' voice had been calm when she'd broken the silence, but when Evan looked to her with the question in his eyes, several sharp emotions seems to prick at her expression, which only made the embarrassment in his chest more painful as fresh anxiety buzzed alongside it.
Then, all at once the goddess yanked Evan down onto his back, his head on her thigh and her hand around his throat. Spikes of fear pierced his skin, and he might have resisted, but that echo of the goddess' knife against his throat kept him still, glaring up at her as she frowned down at him. He wasn't afraid in the same way, not by a long shot, but his heart still pounded in his ears, and his breath was shallow and fluttery, his body in a state of rising panic despite his confidence that the actual danger he was in was minimal, certainly compared to what he'd been through so far.
"Lest you get any ideas," the goddess scowled, but then softened. She looked away, and the tightness in Evan's chest loosened. The fingers around his neck weren't even stiff, let alone squeezing; she'd just wanted to make a point. While that was on some level relieving, it also settled a heavy melancholy in his chest where his anxiety had dissipated.
"Yes. I did." the goddess continued after a moment, and then, with a sigh, returned her gaze to him. "There's a part of me that may be trapped in the Underworld, and I need you to find it."
Evan looked quizzical at that, but the goddess didn't give him much time to respond before she turned up an insufferable smirk.
"Now, if you're done being jealous, maybe we can get on with our evening,"
Evan's glare returned in full force as he finally allowed his anger to show in his expression. He batted away her hand and hastily sat up, instantly eager to do away with even the gesture of being held down.
"Can you blame me?" he snapped as he pushed himself to his feet, irritated that he'd done his best to keep his jealousy out of it and the goddess had brought it in anyway. He knew it was stupid to feel jealous about a memory, but he couldn't help it. And to top it off, the jealousy about that particular memory was confusing as fuck, because it wasn't even like he wanted to pin the goddess like that--not not stop her nails; not without a struggle--and yet, he resented that she'd allowed Rorrim to do it. It made him feel like there had been something the king had that he didn't, to inspire the goddess to let him get away with so much. He tried to tell himself that it wasn't actually all that much, but that just stoked his embarrassment for the way he couldn't stop fixating.
"Time to turn a demon into a cloak or whatever, then?" he grumbled hastily, eager to get on to the next thing and hopefully leave this pile of shitty confusing feelings behind.
Then, all at once the goddess yanked Evan down onto his back, his head on her thigh and her hand around his throat. Spikes of fear pierced his skin, and he might have resisted, but that echo of the goddess' knife against his throat kept him still, glaring up at her as she frowned down at him. He wasn't afraid in the same way, not by a long shot, but his heart still pounded in his ears, and his breath was shallow and fluttery, his body in a state of rising panic despite his confidence that the actual danger he was in was minimal, certainly compared to what he'd been through so far.
"Lest you get any ideas," the goddess scowled, but then softened. She looked away, and the tightness in Evan's chest loosened. The fingers around his neck weren't even stiff, let alone squeezing; she'd just wanted to make a point. While that was on some level relieving, it also settled a heavy melancholy in his chest where his anxiety had dissipated.
"Yes. I did." the goddess continued after a moment, and then, with a sigh, returned her gaze to him. "There's a part of me that may be trapped in the Underworld, and I need you to find it."
Evan looked quizzical at that, but the goddess didn't give him much time to respond before she turned up an insufferable smirk.
"Now, if you're done being jealous, maybe we can get on with our evening,"
Evan's glare returned in full force as he finally allowed his anger to show in his expression. He batted away her hand and hastily sat up, instantly eager to do away with even the gesture of being held down.
"Can you blame me?" he snapped as he pushed himself to his feet, irritated that he'd done his best to keep his jealousy out of it and the goddess had brought it in anyway. He knew it was stupid to feel jealous about a memory, but he couldn't help it. And to top it off, the jealousy about that particular memory was confusing as fuck, because it wasn't even like he wanted to pin the goddess like that--not not stop her nails; not without a struggle--and yet, he resented that she'd allowed Rorrim to do it. It made him feel like there had been something the king had that he didn't, to inspire the goddess to let him get away with so much. He tried to tell himself that it wasn't actually all that much, but that just stoked his embarrassment for the way he couldn't stop fixating.
"Time to turn a demon into a cloak or whatever, then?" he grumbled hastily, eager to get on to the next thing and hopefully leave this pile of shitty confusing feelings behind.
Re: Part 1 (Start Reading Here)
Evan batted her hand away, and the goddess let him, watching as he stood up and created distance between them once more.
Can you blame me?
No, she supposed she couldn't, not with the memory of meeting Yukiko and seeing her on top of Evan so close to hand.
Time to turn a demon into a cloak or whatever, then? It was, finally, Evan's flippancy that made the goddess lose control of herself. Up until now, he had largely taken everything they had to do seriously, but hearing the tone of his voice, like he was bored and just wanted to move on stoked a fury in the goddess that she couldn't let stand.
"Your ex-girlfriend is guarding my kidnapped son!" the goddess snapped. "You don't think I understand? She... you..." The goddess growled angrily, the memory of Evan even calling Yukiko Dehaljadrun in some deranged sexual game of make-believe playing on repeat in her mind. Tears threatened, but she held them back.
"You used my name with her," the goddess said softly.
Gathering volume again, the goddess continued, "Do you think reliving that memory was pleasant for me? Don't you think I feel absolutely and utterly stupid for trusting the king? He took everything from me! And I... I..." Quieter again, the goddess added, "...I let him. He wanted me to let him."
The goddess took a deep breath, trying to get a hold of herself. She wondered briefly why everything with the king kept spilling out of her with Evan, but she hadn't exactly had anyone to talk to for a decade. Still, she didn't want to lose Evan over how emotional all this was making her.
Remembering, again, that she was the goddess in this situation, she sighed and closed her eyes, reaching out to Evan's mind with her awareness and picking up on his thoughts. He was angry, yes, but also embarrassed and confused. He didn't want what the king wanted, and that bothered him somehow. She wanted to soothe that, at least.
Opening her eyes and pulling her eyebrows up and together, Dehaljadrun looked toward Evan and said, "I thought he was what I wanted. I thought I wanted someone to give me direction and purpose beyond what I knew. But, no human can do that for me." The goddess turned away, still sitting on the lounge, but continued quieter, "and in the end, I didn't want him to." Glancing back toward Evan with a shimmer of her earlier smirk, she said, "It thrills me when you play at putting me in my place, but... ultimately, I know what I am."
((OOC: I made some assumptions based on what we had talked about had probably come up with Yukiko and Dehaljadrun, but I reread the earlier sections, and nothing was ever very explicit. Let me know if there's anything you would want me to change.))
Can you blame me?
No, she supposed she couldn't, not with the memory of meeting Yukiko and seeing her on top of Evan so close to hand.
Time to turn a demon into a cloak or whatever, then? It was, finally, Evan's flippancy that made the goddess lose control of herself. Up until now, he had largely taken everything they had to do seriously, but hearing the tone of his voice, like he was bored and just wanted to move on stoked a fury in the goddess that she couldn't let stand.
"Your ex-girlfriend is guarding my kidnapped son!" the goddess snapped. "You don't think I understand? She... you..." The goddess growled angrily, the memory of Evan even calling Yukiko Dehaljadrun in some deranged sexual game of make-believe playing on repeat in her mind. Tears threatened, but she held them back.
"You used my name with her," the goddess said softly.
Gathering volume again, the goddess continued, "Do you think reliving that memory was pleasant for me? Don't you think I feel absolutely and utterly stupid for trusting the king? He took everything from me! And I... I..." Quieter again, the goddess added, "...I let him. He wanted me to let him."
The goddess took a deep breath, trying to get a hold of herself. She wondered briefly why everything with the king kept spilling out of her with Evan, but she hadn't exactly had anyone to talk to for a decade. Still, she didn't want to lose Evan over how emotional all this was making her.
Remembering, again, that she was the goddess in this situation, she sighed and closed her eyes, reaching out to Evan's mind with her awareness and picking up on his thoughts. He was angry, yes, but also embarrassed and confused. He didn't want what the king wanted, and that bothered him somehow. She wanted to soothe that, at least.
Opening her eyes and pulling her eyebrows up and together, Dehaljadrun looked toward Evan and said, "I thought he was what I wanted. I thought I wanted someone to give me direction and purpose beyond what I knew. But, no human can do that for me." The goddess turned away, still sitting on the lounge, but continued quieter, "and in the end, I didn't want him to." Glancing back toward Evan with a shimmer of her earlier smirk, she said, "It thrills me when you play at putting me in my place, but... ultimately, I know what I am."
((OOC: I made some assumptions based on what we had talked about had probably come up with Yukiko and Dehaljadrun, but I reread the earlier sections, and nothing was ever very explicit. Let me know if there's anything you would want me to change.))
Re: Part 1 (Start Reading Here)
"Your ex-girlfriend is guarding my kidnapped son!"
Evan's cheeks colored immediately, shame burning at his skin. The goddess had mentioned that she'd talked to Yukiko earlier, and he had dodged it entirely.
"You don't think I understand?" the goddess continued, "She... you... You used my name with her."
Evan lowered his gaze, his expression wincing with embarrassment and his fists clenching tight at his sides. There was a pang of anger that the goddess had pried--there was no way Yukiko would have shared about that, for several different reasons. But, he also felt guilt and sympathy; it had felt some kind of blasphemous to call Yukiko that name, and he had done it anyway. Still, though, how could he have known? Was it so wrong to want to see the goddess of dreams and desire in a lover, especially when the world seemed so lonely otherwise?
The goddess didn't leave any time to debate the point, though. Gathering volume again, she continued.
"Do you think reliving that memory was pleasant for me? Don't you think I feel absolutely and utterly stupid for trusting the king? He took everything from me! And I... I..." Quieter again, the goddess added, "...I let him."
Evan felt sick. Not quite enough to relinquish a clenched fist by his side to cover his stomach, but the impulse certainly surfaced, and a looming nausea did tug at his throat. But then, the goddess added one more thought.
"He wanted me to let him."
Something about that managed to cut through the haze that had been gathering around him, though he felt confused about why it struck him so. He drew his eyebrows together as he pulled his gaze back up to the goddess, pointed and desperate for answers. By the time he managed to drag his eyes up from the floor, the goddess looked thoughtful, her eyes closed as she contemplated something. Evan swallowed, and tried to get himself to relax, if only slightly. As uncomfortable as all this made him, it also felt important. She might be upset, but she wasn't slinging shame at him like a weapon; she was opening to him, and he wanted to return the gesture. As he finally coaxed his fists to release and his shoulders to soften, he felt a different sort of knot start to tug at his throat, and he let out a soft, shaky sigh, terrified of the tears he felt welling up behind his eyes, but trying to make peace with their presence.
Finally the goddess opened her eyes and looked towards him, sending a powerful jitter of terror and excitement ricocheting down his chest and into his stomach. He swallowed to steady himself, his eyebrows wincing in the moment, but then turning up hopefully as the goddess spoke.
"I thought he was what I wanted. I thought I wanted someone to give me direction and purpose beyond what I knew. But, no human can do that for me."
That made Evan feel small, and scared, but also with a shimmer of awe tingling at his skin. It made him think of the waterfall they had so recently been to; and made him wonder if the king had ever seen it.
The goddess turned away, which tugged at melancholy in his chest, but then she added quietly, "and in the end, I didn't want him to."
Relief shuddered through Evan's body, and tears finally started to blur his vision. It was a bit terrifying, then, when the goddess turned back towards him with a shimmer of a more playful smirk, like she'd caught him with his pants down.
"It thrills me when you play at putting me in my place, but... ultimately, I know what I am."
Evan summoned his own smirk and forced out a breathy laugh; not inauthentic, and under no illusions that it successfully hid the emotionality in his expression, but he wanted the playfulness to be a part of it, too, if only for a moment. He lamented the emptiness in the air when he searched for a witty reply, though. Or maybe, more than emptiness, it was a density he couldn't sift through; there was so much the goddess' words had brought up, and it'd take some digging to find the next piece it made sense to address.
In lieu of words--really, in lieu of thought--Evan moved fluidly over to kneel on the floor next to the lounge the goddess still sat upon. He wasn't entirely sure why he'd opted for the less comfortable tile, until he looked up at her as his fluid motion continued, his hands reaching forward to caress over the goddess' thighs as he met her gaze from below. His cheeks colored with embarrassment, but his eyes were wide and wet and open, laying bare the longing that pulled him closer to her.
"I have yearned for you my entire life," he breathed, terrified by the ease with which the words tumbled from his lips. "And lived with the agonizing belief that that yearning would never be sated." He swallowed, then, his ease of speech dissipating as uncertainty bloomed. Was he just trying to justify himself? No, surely he was trying to reassure her. But, was this reassuring? His hands squeezed the goddess' thighs, perhaps as much to anchor himself as anything else.
"Now, I know that it can be," he continued uneasily, the knot in his throat making it harder to speak. "But I am fucking terrified that..." his breath hitched in his lungs, and he wanted to look away, well aware that the desire to sob was plain as day in his expression, but he kept his eyes locked with the goddess, refusing to hide from her.
"...that I don't deserve--" he inhaled sharply there, his jaw trembling and his eyes pleading for the goddess to understand. It was tempting to break down, and he might have, but it felt like there was something else he was trying to get to. He exhaled heavily, brow furrowing with a renewed sense of determination as he pressed on.
"I know the Underworld will use that," he said slowly, sharply, deliberately; almost like the words pained him to get out. His gaze at the goddess now was starting to look angry, but not at her; it was directed at something far more abstract. "I am trying, but it is fucking hard to stamp out."
Fear pulsated through his chest, that he was just making excuses, or that he'd just admitted that he wasn't fit for the job the goddess needed him to do. But, he didn't believe that's what his own words meant, and he had to believe that at this point, after all they had been through, the goddess wouldn't give up on him so easily. He was opening up the best that he could to her--exposing a nerve at the very core of him, deeper than even he himself had been able to find without her--and he prayed she could see the gravity of it. He wanted to be better--knew that he had to be--and, painful and fucking counterintuitive as it seemed, this felt like the path he had to take to get there.
Evan's cheeks colored immediately, shame burning at his skin. The goddess had mentioned that she'd talked to Yukiko earlier, and he had dodged it entirely.
"You don't think I understand?" the goddess continued, "She... you... You used my name with her."
Evan lowered his gaze, his expression wincing with embarrassment and his fists clenching tight at his sides. There was a pang of anger that the goddess had pried--there was no way Yukiko would have shared about that, for several different reasons. But, he also felt guilt and sympathy; it had felt some kind of blasphemous to call Yukiko that name, and he had done it anyway. Still, though, how could he have known? Was it so wrong to want to see the goddess of dreams and desire in a lover, especially when the world seemed so lonely otherwise?
The goddess didn't leave any time to debate the point, though. Gathering volume again, she continued.
"Do you think reliving that memory was pleasant for me? Don't you think I feel absolutely and utterly stupid for trusting the king? He took everything from me! And I... I..." Quieter again, the goddess added, "...I let him."
Evan felt sick. Not quite enough to relinquish a clenched fist by his side to cover his stomach, but the impulse certainly surfaced, and a looming nausea did tug at his throat. But then, the goddess added one more thought.
"He wanted me to let him."
Something about that managed to cut through the haze that had been gathering around him, though he felt confused about why it struck him so. He drew his eyebrows together as he pulled his gaze back up to the goddess, pointed and desperate for answers. By the time he managed to drag his eyes up from the floor, the goddess looked thoughtful, her eyes closed as she contemplated something. Evan swallowed, and tried to get himself to relax, if only slightly. As uncomfortable as all this made him, it also felt important. She might be upset, but she wasn't slinging shame at him like a weapon; she was opening to him, and he wanted to return the gesture. As he finally coaxed his fists to release and his shoulders to soften, he felt a different sort of knot start to tug at his throat, and he let out a soft, shaky sigh, terrified of the tears he felt welling up behind his eyes, but trying to make peace with their presence.
Finally the goddess opened her eyes and looked towards him, sending a powerful jitter of terror and excitement ricocheting down his chest and into his stomach. He swallowed to steady himself, his eyebrows wincing in the moment, but then turning up hopefully as the goddess spoke.
"I thought he was what I wanted. I thought I wanted someone to give me direction and purpose beyond what I knew. But, no human can do that for me."
That made Evan feel small, and scared, but also with a shimmer of awe tingling at his skin. It made him think of the waterfall they had so recently been to; and made him wonder if the king had ever seen it.
The goddess turned away, which tugged at melancholy in his chest, but then she added quietly, "and in the end, I didn't want him to."
Relief shuddered through Evan's body, and tears finally started to blur his vision. It was a bit terrifying, then, when the goddess turned back towards him with a shimmer of a more playful smirk, like she'd caught him with his pants down.
"It thrills me when you play at putting me in my place, but... ultimately, I know what I am."
Evan summoned his own smirk and forced out a breathy laugh; not inauthentic, and under no illusions that it successfully hid the emotionality in his expression, but he wanted the playfulness to be a part of it, too, if only for a moment. He lamented the emptiness in the air when he searched for a witty reply, though. Or maybe, more than emptiness, it was a density he couldn't sift through; there was so much the goddess' words had brought up, and it'd take some digging to find the next piece it made sense to address.
In lieu of words--really, in lieu of thought--Evan moved fluidly over to kneel on the floor next to the lounge the goddess still sat upon. He wasn't entirely sure why he'd opted for the less comfortable tile, until he looked up at her as his fluid motion continued, his hands reaching forward to caress over the goddess' thighs as he met her gaze from below. His cheeks colored with embarrassment, but his eyes were wide and wet and open, laying bare the longing that pulled him closer to her.
"I have yearned for you my entire life," he breathed, terrified by the ease with which the words tumbled from his lips. "And lived with the agonizing belief that that yearning would never be sated." He swallowed, then, his ease of speech dissipating as uncertainty bloomed. Was he just trying to justify himself? No, surely he was trying to reassure her. But, was this reassuring? His hands squeezed the goddess' thighs, perhaps as much to anchor himself as anything else.
"Now, I know that it can be," he continued uneasily, the knot in his throat making it harder to speak. "But I am fucking terrified that..." his breath hitched in his lungs, and he wanted to look away, well aware that the desire to sob was plain as day in his expression, but he kept his eyes locked with the goddess, refusing to hide from her.
"...that I don't deserve--" he inhaled sharply there, his jaw trembling and his eyes pleading for the goddess to understand. It was tempting to break down, and he might have, but it felt like there was something else he was trying to get to. He exhaled heavily, brow furrowing with a renewed sense of determination as he pressed on.
"I know the Underworld will use that," he said slowly, sharply, deliberately; almost like the words pained him to get out. His gaze at the goddess now was starting to look angry, but not at her; it was directed at something far more abstract. "I am trying, but it is fucking hard to stamp out."
Fear pulsated through his chest, that he was just making excuses, or that he'd just admitted that he wasn't fit for the job the goddess needed him to do. But, he didn't believe that's what his own words meant, and he had to believe that at this point, after all they had been through, the goddess wouldn't give up on him so easily. He was opening up the best that he could to her--exposing a nerve at the very core of him, deeper than even he himself had been able to find without her--and he prayed she could see the gravity of it. He wanted to be better--knew that he had to be--and, painful and fucking counterintuitive as it seemed, this felt like the path he had to take to get there.
Re: Part 1 (Start Reading Here)
Dehaljadrun didn't know what to make of Evan's laugh, though she could feel relief coursing through his body, even from this distance. He was otherwise silent and reaching for something, and the goddess felt shame and frustration beginning to burn in her cheeks. He was laughing at her, after she had been so bare with him?
But then he moved with determination and grace to kneel in front of her, and it was suddenly very, very obvious that he had understood exactly what the goddess had meant to convey. She wanted his worship, and he wanted to worship her.
Pride and gratitude and delight sparked flames in her chest. His hands grazed over her thighs, and the goddess closed her eyes, the flames burning lower now, as she allowed herself to soak in all of what Evan was giving to her.
It was not a worship of fear or obligation or frustration, but truly something of awe, of knowing one's place in the world and offering it naked to another being. When the goddess opened her eyes, Evan was looking up directly at her with a sheen in his eyes. His expression was more earnest then than the goddess had ever seen it.
I have yearned for you my entire life. The goddess blew out a breath. Obviously, Evan wasn't the only one who dreamed and fantasized of her--the goddess was yearning itself. But hearing this omission plain off Evan's lips pulled the breath out of her. And lived with the agonizing belief that that yearning would never be sated. Dehaljadrun had to turn her head away for a moment, feeling palpably the ferocity with which that was true for Evan--the memories in his body swirling around the two of them to emphasize this truth.
Now, I know that it can be.
The goddess looked back at him next he spoke, her eyes wide and open and receptive, her lips parted in some measure of disbelief. Gods, to have a man she did not control professing his desire for her, not out of manipulation or fear or enthrallment, but out of the genuine desire for exactly this--whatever it was--with her... Her own eyes moistened with tears. It had been so long, and perhaps this had never happened. Not like this. Evan was a well of energy, desire, and endurance ready to lay down his life for her and whatever she needed as long as she could just trust him and let him in. And hadn't she? There was no other person who had so readily summoned the waterfall with her, and it had felt so natural to be there together, even if they could not go any further.
But I am fucking terrified... that I don't deserve--
Dehaljadrun's eyebrows furrowed for a moment, anxiety suddenly blooming in her chest. She needed him to feel worthy. She needed him to believe that his life--living his life for her and for the rest of the humans on his plane of existence--was more than enough. And yet, she reminded herself, he wasn't Rorrim. He wasn't deluded about his sense of worth and genuinely needed reassurance that everything he was doing for the goddess measured up to everything she was giving him.
She blanched at that thought, though, thinking with horror back to the moment she had commanded Philip to fuck Evan. Had Evan deserved that? No... no one deserved that, no matter how angry they made her. What was she giving Evan? Temporary satiation?
Rather than fall into her own despair, the goddess willed herself to think again about the moments they had shared while merged, the easy, beautiful sensations of sharing thoughts and seeking each other's presences--what other being could offer him so complete a dismissal of loneliness? What other being could provide him with the comfort and reassurance and belonging and satisfaction that she held so readily within herself?
I know the Underworld will use that. I am trying, but it is fucking hard to stamp out.
Evan's features twisted, and she felt him fighting his doubts. And, if she had her own doubts about her value to him, how much more understandable was it for him to have them?
But Evan was still looking up at her, waiting for some kind of response. She looked from one of his eyes to the other several times as though she might find the answer there. Gods, he was so beautiful in this moment, especially this moment. She could feel his hunger for resolution and his appetite for his own evolution. He wasn't going into any of this with a blind trust in himself; he was honestly and genuinely admitting his faults and offering them to her. Offering them. And her heart ached for every moment that she had not accepted them.
They had to be honest with each other.
The goddess couldn't stand it anymore. She lowered herself down from the lounge to straddle Evan's thighs, her arms winding above and around his shoulders as her hands found their way into his unruly black hair. Her cheek rested comfortably on the top of his head, and her thighs clasped tightly around his hips as her whole body pulled him closer to her.
"Evan..." she whispered, unable to say anything else for a moment. "Evan..." She kissed his hair several times, her hands moving slowly along his scalp and down across the back of his neck, braving to tuck momentarily below the collar of his shirt before continuing their adventure through his hair. "Evan..."
Finally, she pulled back from him slightly to look at him and say, "It's enough--more than enough--that you want to deserve this." The goddess' head tilted, and she smiled softly, quietly, her eyes full of understanding and--dare she say--love. "I am what others desire of me, but I feel most like myself when I am with you." Grit, terror, shame, violence and all, the goddess couldn't deny that there was a part of herself that sincerely enjoyed having an opportunity to be all that with him. But he also brought out this softness in her in equal or even greater measure. Yes, she loved what he made of her.
"I can't possibly explain how exceptionally rare this is. And no jealousy--not of your past--" the goddess allowed herself to think again of Yukiko, "--not of your present--" and the goddess then allowed herself to think of Xavier and how much Evan clearly enjoyed the boy, "changes that because I have the sincere belief that both of us want this future." She ran a hand over his cheek then and brought her lips to his forehead. Some part of her hoped he wouldn't resent her for what might seem like motherly actions, but they felt right, and in that moment, she could do nothing less.
But then he moved with determination and grace to kneel in front of her, and it was suddenly very, very obvious that he had understood exactly what the goddess had meant to convey. She wanted his worship, and he wanted to worship her.
Pride and gratitude and delight sparked flames in her chest. His hands grazed over her thighs, and the goddess closed her eyes, the flames burning lower now, as she allowed herself to soak in all of what Evan was giving to her.
It was not a worship of fear or obligation or frustration, but truly something of awe, of knowing one's place in the world and offering it naked to another being. When the goddess opened her eyes, Evan was looking up directly at her with a sheen in his eyes. His expression was more earnest then than the goddess had ever seen it.
I have yearned for you my entire life. The goddess blew out a breath. Obviously, Evan wasn't the only one who dreamed and fantasized of her--the goddess was yearning itself. But hearing this omission plain off Evan's lips pulled the breath out of her. And lived with the agonizing belief that that yearning would never be sated. Dehaljadrun had to turn her head away for a moment, feeling palpably the ferocity with which that was true for Evan--the memories in his body swirling around the two of them to emphasize this truth.
Now, I know that it can be.
The goddess looked back at him next he spoke, her eyes wide and open and receptive, her lips parted in some measure of disbelief. Gods, to have a man she did not control professing his desire for her, not out of manipulation or fear or enthrallment, but out of the genuine desire for exactly this--whatever it was--with her... Her own eyes moistened with tears. It had been so long, and perhaps this had never happened. Not like this. Evan was a well of energy, desire, and endurance ready to lay down his life for her and whatever she needed as long as she could just trust him and let him in. And hadn't she? There was no other person who had so readily summoned the waterfall with her, and it had felt so natural to be there together, even if they could not go any further.
But I am fucking terrified... that I don't deserve--
Dehaljadrun's eyebrows furrowed for a moment, anxiety suddenly blooming in her chest. She needed him to feel worthy. She needed him to believe that his life--living his life for her and for the rest of the humans on his plane of existence--was more than enough. And yet, she reminded herself, he wasn't Rorrim. He wasn't deluded about his sense of worth and genuinely needed reassurance that everything he was doing for the goddess measured up to everything she was giving him.
She blanched at that thought, though, thinking with horror back to the moment she had commanded Philip to fuck Evan. Had Evan deserved that? No... no one deserved that, no matter how angry they made her. What was she giving Evan? Temporary satiation?
Rather than fall into her own despair, the goddess willed herself to think again about the moments they had shared while merged, the easy, beautiful sensations of sharing thoughts and seeking each other's presences--what other being could offer him so complete a dismissal of loneliness? What other being could provide him with the comfort and reassurance and belonging and satisfaction that she held so readily within herself?
I know the Underworld will use that. I am trying, but it is fucking hard to stamp out.
Evan's features twisted, and she felt him fighting his doubts. And, if she had her own doubts about her value to him, how much more understandable was it for him to have them?
But Evan was still looking up at her, waiting for some kind of response. She looked from one of his eyes to the other several times as though she might find the answer there. Gods, he was so beautiful in this moment, especially this moment. She could feel his hunger for resolution and his appetite for his own evolution. He wasn't going into any of this with a blind trust in himself; he was honestly and genuinely admitting his faults and offering them to her. Offering them. And her heart ached for every moment that she had not accepted them.
They had to be honest with each other.
The goddess couldn't stand it anymore. She lowered herself down from the lounge to straddle Evan's thighs, her arms winding above and around his shoulders as her hands found their way into his unruly black hair. Her cheek rested comfortably on the top of his head, and her thighs clasped tightly around his hips as her whole body pulled him closer to her.
"Evan..." she whispered, unable to say anything else for a moment. "Evan..." She kissed his hair several times, her hands moving slowly along his scalp and down across the back of his neck, braving to tuck momentarily below the collar of his shirt before continuing their adventure through his hair. "Evan..."
Finally, she pulled back from him slightly to look at him and say, "It's enough--more than enough--that you want to deserve this." The goddess' head tilted, and she smiled softly, quietly, her eyes full of understanding and--dare she say--love. "I am what others desire of me, but I feel most like myself when I am with you." Grit, terror, shame, violence and all, the goddess couldn't deny that there was a part of herself that sincerely enjoyed having an opportunity to be all that with him. But he also brought out this softness in her in equal or even greater measure. Yes, she loved what he made of her.
"I can't possibly explain how exceptionally rare this is. And no jealousy--not of your past--" the goddess allowed herself to think again of Yukiko, "--not of your present--" and the goddess then allowed herself to think of Xavier and how much Evan clearly enjoyed the boy, "changes that because I have the sincere belief that both of us want this future." She ran a hand over his cheek then and brought her lips to his forehead. Some part of her hoped he wouldn't resent her for what might seem like motherly actions, but they felt right, and in that moment, she could do nothing less.
Re: Part 1 (Start Reading Here)
The goddess searched Evan's eyes, and he did his best to let everything show--the frustration and shame and anger he felt towards that fear and doubt and self-loathing that made it so fucking hard to accept something good; and also the hope and awe and passion that kept his eyes open, elated to finally wield the stubbornness and determination in his bones for something this fucking beautiful and uncontestably divine. Tears finally broke into streams down his cheeks, and the goddess moved forward off the lounge, her knees straddling him and hugging his hips as her arms pulled his head to her chest to embrace him. He wrapped his arms around her as her fingers ran through his hair, sending joyous shivers down his back and coaxing him to finally let down the last of his guard, and he broke out sobbing against her.
"Evan..." her voice was a soothing, sparkling shimmer as she murmured his name, repeating it languidly--dare he say, lovingly--between kisses placed in his hair. He held on tight to her, feeling so incredibly small but also so incredibly held. She knew all his faults and she embraced him whole, undeterred by his quaking sobs and the tears the flowed from him, coating his cheeks and her chest alike. Admittedly on some level he felt like a child, but, for the first time in his life, that felt good.
Finally, the goddess pulled back just slightly, and Evan shyly raised his gaze to her. He was plainly embarrassed of his tear strewn expression and the way he couldn't help blubbering as he tried to calm himself down, but he leaned hard on hiding nothing from her tonight, and besides, he wanted to see her eyes again.
"It's enough--more than enough--that you want to deserve this." The goddess' head tilted, and she smiled softly, quietly, her eyes full of understanding and--dare he say--love. "I am what others desire of me, but I feel most like myself when I am with you."
That did help Evan to smile, and his breathing managed to find a more steady rhythm as he rolled her words through his body. Oh, there was some friction to her assertion that his desire was enough--a temptation to pull up all the evidence he'd amassed to the contrary over a lifetime of trying and so often failing to convince other people he was worth something--but the way the goddess brought it back to herself hushed those thoughts and reminded him to stay present with her. She finds him to be enough. And, wasn't that enough for him? Evan breathed deeply, his body relaxing as he exhaled, and a glimmer of pure happiness settled across his expression.
"I can't possibly explain how exceptionally rare this is," the goddess continued. It admittedly settled a fresh melancholy in his chest, which confused him. Wasn't it good to be exceptional to a goddess? But he supposed, it painted an absence--that she must have felt without him; that the world must feel without her.
"And no jealousy--not of your past--not of your present--changes that because I have the sincere belief that both of us want this future."
The goddess ran her hand over Evan's cheek, and he let his eyes close as he leaned into it, allowing himself to revel in the comfort of the motion as the comfort of her words echoed through him. She placed a kiss on his forehead, and he sighed deeply, exhaling yet another load of tension from his body and settling into a new level of calm and bliss. Then, he gently guided her hand from his cheek to in front of his lips, cradling her fingers in his palm as he placed a kiss on her knuckle, tender and affectionate and radiating of gratitude and awe. If any fear buzzed deep in a muffled layer of his gut about how he could ever repay what she had given him today, Evan was able to smooth it over with the thought that he had plenty of work ahead of him to carry out on her behalf. It felt absurd, but he was excited for it all now, his whole body starting to come alive with a fresh certainty that he was capable of tackling any challenge that lay before him.
Finally, Evan opened his eyes again, flicking a freshly sharp and playful smile up to the goddess. It didn't erase the ridiculous puffy, pink wetness of so much of his face, but it shone just was brightly regardless.
"Shall we get to work on that future, then?"
"Evan..." her voice was a soothing, sparkling shimmer as she murmured his name, repeating it languidly--dare he say, lovingly--between kisses placed in his hair. He held on tight to her, feeling so incredibly small but also so incredibly held. She knew all his faults and she embraced him whole, undeterred by his quaking sobs and the tears the flowed from him, coating his cheeks and her chest alike. Admittedly on some level he felt like a child, but, for the first time in his life, that felt good.
Finally, the goddess pulled back just slightly, and Evan shyly raised his gaze to her. He was plainly embarrassed of his tear strewn expression and the way he couldn't help blubbering as he tried to calm himself down, but he leaned hard on hiding nothing from her tonight, and besides, he wanted to see her eyes again.
"It's enough--more than enough--that you want to deserve this." The goddess' head tilted, and she smiled softly, quietly, her eyes full of understanding and--dare he say--love. "I am what others desire of me, but I feel most like myself when I am with you."
That did help Evan to smile, and his breathing managed to find a more steady rhythm as he rolled her words through his body. Oh, there was some friction to her assertion that his desire was enough--a temptation to pull up all the evidence he'd amassed to the contrary over a lifetime of trying and so often failing to convince other people he was worth something--but the way the goddess brought it back to herself hushed those thoughts and reminded him to stay present with her. She finds him to be enough. And, wasn't that enough for him? Evan breathed deeply, his body relaxing as he exhaled, and a glimmer of pure happiness settled across his expression.
"I can't possibly explain how exceptionally rare this is," the goddess continued. It admittedly settled a fresh melancholy in his chest, which confused him. Wasn't it good to be exceptional to a goddess? But he supposed, it painted an absence--that she must have felt without him; that the world must feel without her.
"And no jealousy--not of your past--not of your present--changes that because I have the sincere belief that both of us want this future."
The goddess ran her hand over Evan's cheek, and he let his eyes close as he leaned into it, allowing himself to revel in the comfort of the motion as the comfort of her words echoed through him. She placed a kiss on his forehead, and he sighed deeply, exhaling yet another load of tension from his body and settling into a new level of calm and bliss. Then, he gently guided her hand from his cheek to in front of his lips, cradling her fingers in his palm as he placed a kiss on her knuckle, tender and affectionate and radiating of gratitude and awe. If any fear buzzed deep in a muffled layer of his gut about how he could ever repay what she had given him today, Evan was able to smooth it over with the thought that he had plenty of work ahead of him to carry out on her behalf. It felt absurd, but he was excited for it all now, his whole body starting to come alive with a fresh certainty that he was capable of tackling any challenge that lay before him.
Finally, Evan opened his eyes again, flicking a freshly sharp and playful smile up to the goddess. It didn't erase the ridiculous puffy, pink wetness of so much of his face, but it shone just was brightly regardless.
"Shall we get to work on that future, then?"
Re: Part 1 (Start Reading Here)
The goddess felt Evan begin to accept the words as she had spoken them, and her body relaxed by degrees, even though some part of her was alarmed at how full of emotion Evan had become. Was he ever going to stop crying? But, yes, he would, and for the moment, tears were absolutely welcome. The two of them had untangled something together--they had gone right to the edge of yet another abyss and found the rope leading back to the other side. How many crises had they created and navigated already in the past four evenings?
But what other paths were there for what they were setting out to do? They needed to be this completely bare to each other for what they were about to attempt to work.
She was grateful for the ways he directed her hand to his lips, eager to know that he wasn't going to roll over completely after her admissions. And then, finally, Evan's features angled into a smile, and even through his inflamed cheeks and swollen eyelids, the goddess could tell that his fiery personality remained intact. He wasn't about to become a thrall now.
"Shall we get to work on that future, then?" he said, and she nodded, relief escaping her chest.
"Or whatever," the goddess said, referring back to Evan's flippant comment, but she said it with the ghost of a smile, playfully teasing him rather than actually trying to set off another bomb. She might have continued to detail what she had in mind, but a voice called from... somewhere... even though the goddess hadn't sensed a presence approach.
"If you can hear me, they've taken me to the castle. The shadows came and took me. They took me." The voice was direct and clear, but there was a franticness to it that made Dehaljadrun's chest flare up in fear. It took her a few moments of looking around to remember that, yes, it was rational for the voice to be coming out of the horse that she had so readily dismissed when Evan had first come in here.
Realizing what that meant, the goddess quickly disentangled herself from Evan and went to pick up the horse. Looking at it, though, she had no idea how to respond. She looked at Evan quizzically, trying to prevent her mind from immediately jumping to conclusions. Wasn't Captain Fujiwara supposed to be guarding him? But if the king had sent demons, how could anyone have prevented such a thing?
Not prepared to wait for Evan to explain, the goddess said simply, quietly, "I'm here, Ponderance. I'm here." But she had no idea what she could do for him. Ostensibly, the king wouldn't be foolish enough to hurt Ponderance--he was Rorrim's only heir after all--but the goddess felt so unbearably helpless in her realm, unable to have any impact. All she could send were her words, and barely that.
But what other paths were there for what they were setting out to do? They needed to be this completely bare to each other for what they were about to attempt to work.
She was grateful for the ways he directed her hand to his lips, eager to know that he wasn't going to roll over completely after her admissions. And then, finally, Evan's features angled into a smile, and even through his inflamed cheeks and swollen eyelids, the goddess could tell that his fiery personality remained intact. He wasn't about to become a thrall now.
"Shall we get to work on that future, then?" he said, and she nodded, relief escaping her chest.
"Or whatever," the goddess said, referring back to Evan's flippant comment, but she said it with the ghost of a smile, playfully teasing him rather than actually trying to set off another bomb. She might have continued to detail what she had in mind, but a voice called from... somewhere... even though the goddess hadn't sensed a presence approach.
"If you can hear me, they've taken me to the castle. The shadows came and took me. They took me." The voice was direct and clear, but there was a franticness to it that made Dehaljadrun's chest flare up in fear. It took her a few moments of looking around to remember that, yes, it was rational for the voice to be coming out of the horse that she had so readily dismissed when Evan had first come in here.
Realizing what that meant, the goddess quickly disentangled herself from Evan and went to pick up the horse. Looking at it, though, she had no idea how to respond. She looked at Evan quizzically, trying to prevent her mind from immediately jumping to conclusions. Wasn't Captain Fujiwara supposed to be guarding him? But if the king had sent demons, how could anyone have prevented such a thing?
Not prepared to wait for Evan to explain, the goddess said simply, quietly, "I'm here, Ponderance. I'm here." But she had no idea what she could do for him. Ostensibly, the king wouldn't be foolish enough to hurt Ponderance--he was Rorrim's only heir after all--but the goddess felt so unbearably helpless in her realm, unable to have any impact. All she could send were her words, and barely that.
Re: Part 1 (Start Reading Here)
"Or whatever," the goddess said, and Evan scoffed, frustration blooming only briefly before dissipating into a playful recognition--she'd held a ghost of a smile when she'd said it, and Evan's own smile mirrored it with a soft roll of his eyes. Teasing was good--rather desirable at this point, in fact. In a way it felt like it helped to sober him up, if he painted that emotional outburst as some kind of intoxicated state. It certainly felt like he was getting his head above water now.
It looked like the goddess was about to speak again--maybe finally get them started on this cloak business--when a different voice altogether spoke up.
"If you can hear me, they've taken me to the castle. The shadows came and took me. They took me."
Evan stiffened, his eyes immediately taking stock of the room--but no one else was in it. Then it hit him: that was Ponderance's voice. The horse. The goddess disentangled from him to go to it--a perfectly understandable action by any rational account, but gods, the feeling of her pulling away after all that was fucking devastating, and reminded him of the vertigo he'd felt when she'd dropped his scale to the ground that second night. Evan let himself lean forward to brace one hand on the floor, and rubbed his chest with the other.
He was a bit mortified when he got hold of himself enough to look at the goddess, and saw her looking back at him quizzically. He scrambled to try to figure out what exactly that expression was asking him--How to use the horse? What was up with him? Whether he knew anything about the prince being taken to the castle by shadows? Fuck. Before he could respond with more than an embarrassingly blank if slightly panicked stare, the goddess turned her attention to the horse to respond to her son.
"I'm here, Ponderance. I'm here."
Evan swallowed and tried to get a handle on what in the fuck to do next. Were they under attack? Evan shivered to think of the demons they'd faced at Yersil showing up suddenly at camp. They did know there was a chance the king had known their location, and had decided to stay so that Evan could continue his deal with the goddess. Guilt turned over his stomach, but, would it really have been any better to have walked away?
"Fuck." Evan finally just grunted and pushed himself to his feet, needing to at the very least pace to get some of this new but avalanching anxious energy out. He felt confused--and, once again, frustrated by his confusion--about how to treat the goddess here. All at once, she was a mother concerned about her kidnapped son, and he was a captain who might be losing people by the moment, and he fucking hated how fast it felt like that shot distance between them. But did it have to? Gods, he didn't want it to. Finally, he swept over next to the goddess and placed his hand on her shoulder as he eyed the horse, perhaps stubbornly closing the physical distance and hoping he could figure out the emotional distance as he went. If the goddess rejected the motion it'd fucking suck, but he'd press on either way.
"Ponderance," he said the boy's name with a calm seriousness, addressing him much like he might a soldier. It felt grim to do to a young boy, but it also just seemed like the situation they were in. He wanted to ask about what had happened at camp, but that would be too hasty. Instead, he'd start with asking about Ponderance himself. "Are you hurt or in any immediate danger?"
((OOC: Evan over here suddenly feeling like a 911 dispatcher lmao. The horse continues to provide a whole layer of comedy that goes right over the in-universe characters' heads lol))
It looked like the goddess was about to speak again--maybe finally get them started on this cloak business--when a different voice altogether spoke up.
"If you can hear me, they've taken me to the castle. The shadows came and took me. They took me."
Evan stiffened, his eyes immediately taking stock of the room--but no one else was in it. Then it hit him: that was Ponderance's voice. The horse. The goddess disentangled from him to go to it--a perfectly understandable action by any rational account, but gods, the feeling of her pulling away after all that was fucking devastating, and reminded him of the vertigo he'd felt when she'd dropped his scale to the ground that second night. Evan let himself lean forward to brace one hand on the floor, and rubbed his chest with the other.
He was a bit mortified when he got hold of himself enough to look at the goddess, and saw her looking back at him quizzically. He scrambled to try to figure out what exactly that expression was asking him--How to use the horse? What was up with him? Whether he knew anything about the prince being taken to the castle by shadows? Fuck. Before he could respond with more than an embarrassingly blank if slightly panicked stare, the goddess turned her attention to the horse to respond to her son.
"I'm here, Ponderance. I'm here."
Evan swallowed and tried to get a handle on what in the fuck to do next. Were they under attack? Evan shivered to think of the demons they'd faced at Yersil showing up suddenly at camp. They did know there was a chance the king had known their location, and had decided to stay so that Evan could continue his deal with the goddess. Guilt turned over his stomach, but, would it really have been any better to have walked away?
"Fuck." Evan finally just grunted and pushed himself to his feet, needing to at the very least pace to get some of this new but avalanching anxious energy out. He felt confused--and, once again, frustrated by his confusion--about how to treat the goddess here. All at once, she was a mother concerned about her kidnapped son, and he was a captain who might be losing people by the moment, and he fucking hated how fast it felt like that shot distance between them. But did it have to? Gods, he didn't want it to. Finally, he swept over next to the goddess and placed his hand on her shoulder as he eyed the horse, perhaps stubbornly closing the physical distance and hoping he could figure out the emotional distance as he went. If the goddess rejected the motion it'd fucking suck, but he'd press on either way.
"Ponderance," he said the boy's name with a calm seriousness, addressing him much like he might a soldier. It felt grim to do to a young boy, but it also just seemed like the situation they were in. He wanted to ask about what had happened at camp, but that would be too hasty. Instead, he'd start with asking about Ponderance himself. "Are you hurt or in any immediate danger?"
((OOC: Evan over here suddenly feeling like a 911 dispatcher lmao. The horse continues to provide a whole layer of comedy that goes right over the in-universe characters' heads lol))
Re: Part 1 (Start Reading Here)
There was a pause before Ponderance responded, and Evan's anxieties rolled off him in waves. Dehaljadrun tried to calm herself for both their sakes. Repeatedly, she told herself that he would be fine, that she didn't actually care what happened to Ponderance, but she wasn't kidding herself. The goddess was about to shake the wooden horse in the event that made it work better when Ponderance finally replied.
"No." Dehaljadrun grimaced at the sound even though she should have been relieved. She wanted him to elaborate or tell her that he didn't actually like it there. But why speak to her at all if he wanted to be at the castle?
Finally, he did tell them something. "This is the first time they've left me alone." After another pause, he added, "Mostly."
Dehaljadrun couldn't help but think about how little he was likely left alone in Evan's camp. How much of this child's life had been spent in captivity?
"He's not going to hurt you," Dehaljadrun said, trying to convince herself as much as her son.
"I know." There was nothing she could do except keep him company for a few moments. She looked at Evan to see if he had any ideas.
((Ooc: Evan would probably know that there was something supernatural at play because there's no other way Ponderance could travel so far so quickly.))
"No." Dehaljadrun grimaced at the sound even though she should have been relieved. She wanted him to elaborate or tell her that he didn't actually like it there. But why speak to her at all if he wanted to be at the castle?
Finally, he did tell them something. "This is the first time they've left me alone." After another pause, he added, "Mostly."
Dehaljadrun couldn't help but think about how little he was likely left alone in Evan's camp. How much of this child's life had been spent in captivity?
"He's not going to hurt you," Dehaljadrun said, trying to convince herself as much as her son.
"I know." There was nothing she could do except keep him company for a few moments. She looked at Evan to see if he had any ideas.
((Ooc: Evan would probably know that there was something supernatural at play because there's no other way Ponderance could travel so far so quickly.))