Jaz made a small sound of delight, a little laugh as Monica began to return the massage, digging in gently with her fingers to the muscles of Jaz's back. It made Jaz a little braver, feeling more deeply into Monica's shoulders, seeking the places where bone met muscle and gently pulling them apart. But then, through their touch connection, Jaz felt Monica begin to search for something. She offered a verbal recollection of Jaz telling her about the stones and the waterfall and who Monica reminded Jaz of.
At first, Jaz was elated. It was more than permission to share about her home--it was genuine interest. Jaz's fingers began reaching into Monica's hair, caressing her scalp, as Jaz closed her eyes and thought of home.
To begin, Jaz did think of Suldana, of her long hair and wise eyes, of the tenderness of her touch and her willingness to accept Jaz. Jaz hoped that Monica saw herself in her. Then, she thought of Tigre and his gentle knowing, the peaceful expression he so readily wore, the ways the scars on his chin and throat complemented the soft features of his face. After that, Jaz thought of the whole group of elders, Tigre and Suldana among them, and their place in their temple--full of living flowers in stark shades of blue, purple, orange in addition to the large crystals that circled and framed the altar. Jaz remembered how all the elders greeted each other with touch, lovingly placing a gentle hand against one another's cheeks.
In another memory, Jaz showed how the elders would sit in a circle with a hand on each of the knees to either side of themselves, deep in meditation, while the rest of the village sat in a similar circle on the outside, all of them sharing touch and knowledge and wisdom in a collective flow.
It was some time before Jaz realized she was crying again, tears streaming steadily down her cheeks and into Monica's hair. And realizing that only made her cry harder as the reality of being so separated from all that with no knowledge at all of how to get back hit her like a falling boulder. The touch connection between them grew strained and thin for a moment before Jaz opened up again, anchoring herself in Monica's generosity when Jaz and Ren first walked in the temple and also recounting how Ren had so patiently explained currency--even if Jaz still didn't know how she felt about the concept.
When she opened her eyes and pulled away just enough to look at Monica, keeping her hands on the priestess' shoulders, Jaz laughed a little, the absurdity of it all too much to bear.
"There's more," Jaz said quietly, shaking her head and looking at the ground. "There's so much more." But Jaz's side of the touch connection was dark and tired, waiting for a response.
Leaving the Djinn
Moderator: On Dreams And Desire
Re: Leaving the Djinn
Delight danced through Jaz's fingers as they moved from massaging Monica's shoulders up into her hair, caressing her scalp as Jaz began to think of her home. She pictured the woman Monica reminded her of, and Monica could make out her tender eyes and welcoming expression. Monica pressed her hands tight around Jaz, happily echoing the welcome she felt in Jaz's memory.
Then there was another person, a man with a peaceful, knowing expression and scars across his throat and chin. Monica felt a cautious curiosity about those marks, what he had been through, but easily relinquished it when focus shifted to several people greeting each other with gentle hands on cheeks in a temple full of flowers and crystals, which Monica regarded with awe and delight. She loved seeing another sacred place and taking in its beauty, and her fingers massaged at Jaz's back with a light, almost giddy playfulness, joyous about Jaz's sharing.
Monica grew more sober when attention shifted again, the people all seated in a circle in prayer together. They each touched the knees of their neighbors, wisdom flowing through them, and it was absolutely beautiful. Fresh tears wet Monica's cheeks as she felt the gravity of Jaz's loneliness in this world, seeing what she had left behind. Jaz began crying, too, and Monica shifted her focus to simply holding the woman, welcoming her tears and holding sacred space for her grief. After a moment Jaz pulled away just enough to meet Monica's gaze, hands on Monica's shoulders, and Monica offered her a warm, wet-eyed smile. Jaz let out a small, teary laugh shaking her head and looking down at the ground.
"There's more. There's so much more."
Monica gently squeezed Jaz's shoulders, wanting nothing more than to offer comfort.
"There is time," she offered reassuringly, worried a little that Jaz might be feeling overwhelmed. She felt less through their touch than Monica had at other times, and she wasn't entirely sure what to make of it. "I'm happy for you to share more now if you would like, but there will be other chances to share, too."
Monica certainly hoped that would be the case. She hoped that Jaz would come visit again the next day, or at least sometime soon. She hoped that Jaz wouldn't move on from Ti'la for at least some time. She wanted to learn more about Jaz, and to help her. So, there would be time. She gently squeezed Jaz's shoulders again, raising her eyebrows with a hopeful smile.
"What would you like to focus on before leaving with Ren this evening?"
Then there was another person, a man with a peaceful, knowing expression and scars across his throat and chin. Monica felt a cautious curiosity about those marks, what he had been through, but easily relinquished it when focus shifted to several people greeting each other with gentle hands on cheeks in a temple full of flowers and crystals, which Monica regarded with awe and delight. She loved seeing another sacred place and taking in its beauty, and her fingers massaged at Jaz's back with a light, almost giddy playfulness, joyous about Jaz's sharing.
Monica grew more sober when attention shifted again, the people all seated in a circle in prayer together. They each touched the knees of their neighbors, wisdom flowing through them, and it was absolutely beautiful. Fresh tears wet Monica's cheeks as she felt the gravity of Jaz's loneliness in this world, seeing what she had left behind. Jaz began crying, too, and Monica shifted her focus to simply holding the woman, welcoming her tears and holding sacred space for her grief. After a moment Jaz pulled away just enough to meet Monica's gaze, hands on Monica's shoulders, and Monica offered her a warm, wet-eyed smile. Jaz let out a small, teary laugh shaking her head and looking down at the ground.
"There's more. There's so much more."
Monica gently squeezed Jaz's shoulders, wanting nothing more than to offer comfort.
"There is time," she offered reassuringly, worried a little that Jaz might be feeling overwhelmed. She felt less through their touch than Monica had at other times, and she wasn't entirely sure what to make of it. "I'm happy for you to share more now if you would like, but there will be other chances to share, too."
Monica certainly hoped that would be the case. She hoped that Jaz would come visit again the next day, or at least sometime soon. She hoped that Jaz wouldn't move on from Ti'la for at least some time. She wanted to learn more about Jaz, and to help her. So, there would be time. She gently squeezed Jaz's shoulders again, raising her eyebrows with a hopeful smile.
"What would you like to focus on before leaving with Ren this evening?"
Re: Leaving the Djinn
Monica squeezed Jaz's shoulders, and Jaz smiled up at her, taking a moment to wipe her tears and clean herself up a little.
"There is time. I'm happy for you to share more now if you would like, but there will be other chances to share, too."
Out of her periphery, Jaz could see her skin splotched with beige, but she was more blue than she had been since she left her village, and it gave her some comfort. She must look an absolute mess right now. Moving her hair off her tear-soaked face, she took a deep breath and looked at Monica with a half-smile, trying to reassure the woman she was okay.
Again, she gave Jaz a reassuring squeeze around her shoulders, and the reminder of their touch was helpful. Jaz took another deep, long breath.
"What would you like to focus on before leaving with Ren this evening?"
Jaz wiped her hands on the bottom of her dress and then slid her hands up and down Monica's arms. Gods. Ren.
Closing her eyes again and sinking into their touch connection once more, Jaz took one more deep breath and then giggled, thinking of how much she really did want to climb into Ren's lap. But, recognizing the likelihood of that was low, especially right now, she tried to move on, showing Monica one of the mergers that she had experienced with Tigre, Suldana, and Tenaya. First, an introduction to Tenaya, with her sweet, plump face and her ever-worried eyebrows. The memories lit up with a golden fondness. And then Jaz remembered and showed Monica how they would often start with all four of them touching the fingers of one hand against the others, moving them in a slow rhythm. It became a dance, each of them moving first in one direction and then the other. And then, before long, they became different shades of blue smoke, full of love and swirl and lust, combining with and enveloping each other in a rush of emotions and sensations. Jaz tried to remember how it felt to be air without becoming it here, now, recalling the rush of allowing any subtle movement in the room to blow her around, allowing every part of herself to be full of flight and whimsy. Gods, it felt good to feel it again, even just a small amount.
Jaz kissed Monica's collarbone sensually without thinking, brushing her lips gently against one side before moving onto the other.
And then, Jaz wanted to show Monica the magic she had found in this place, deep down in the earth, in the land.
This is your land's magic, she said, imagining the voices of the dead whispering up from the soil. They were kind, sweet voices, but there were many of them such that it was a little unnerving. And then, Jaz wasn't imagining them anymore--she could feel them and the magic here. And her curiosity pulled her deeper, deeper down into the soil toward the warmth that Jaz had only glimpsed before on the way to this village from Ren's cabin. All at once, Jaz sensed a deep, molten, fiery core of this land, and the voices were so loud, the fire so bright, that Jaz suddenly could not contain even a portion of the magic in herself. Her hands burned and ached, and she was afraid she might burn Monica, too. Jaz broke the touch connection with the woman, pulling away from her to sit down on the floor, breathing heavily.
"It's sleeping," Jaz said, staring off into the distance. "It's sleeping, but it's so strong." She looked at Monica then, her eyes wide. "Are you... are you all right?"
((OOC: I'm imagining that Jaz did not really burn Monica, or at least, not badly, but take it how you will. <3))
"There is time. I'm happy for you to share more now if you would like, but there will be other chances to share, too."
Out of her periphery, Jaz could see her skin splotched with beige, but she was more blue than she had been since she left her village, and it gave her some comfort. She must look an absolute mess right now. Moving her hair off her tear-soaked face, she took a deep breath and looked at Monica with a half-smile, trying to reassure the woman she was okay.
Again, she gave Jaz a reassuring squeeze around her shoulders, and the reminder of their touch was helpful. Jaz took another deep, long breath.
"What would you like to focus on before leaving with Ren this evening?"
Jaz wiped her hands on the bottom of her dress and then slid her hands up and down Monica's arms. Gods. Ren.
Closing her eyes again and sinking into their touch connection once more, Jaz took one more deep breath and then giggled, thinking of how much she really did want to climb into Ren's lap. But, recognizing the likelihood of that was low, especially right now, she tried to move on, showing Monica one of the mergers that she had experienced with Tigre, Suldana, and Tenaya. First, an introduction to Tenaya, with her sweet, plump face and her ever-worried eyebrows. The memories lit up with a golden fondness. And then Jaz remembered and showed Monica how they would often start with all four of them touching the fingers of one hand against the others, moving them in a slow rhythm. It became a dance, each of them moving first in one direction and then the other. And then, before long, they became different shades of blue smoke, full of love and swirl and lust, combining with and enveloping each other in a rush of emotions and sensations. Jaz tried to remember how it felt to be air without becoming it here, now, recalling the rush of allowing any subtle movement in the room to blow her around, allowing every part of herself to be full of flight and whimsy. Gods, it felt good to feel it again, even just a small amount.
Jaz kissed Monica's collarbone sensually without thinking, brushing her lips gently against one side before moving onto the other.
And then, Jaz wanted to show Monica the magic she had found in this place, deep down in the earth, in the land.
This is your land's magic, she said, imagining the voices of the dead whispering up from the soil. They were kind, sweet voices, but there were many of them such that it was a little unnerving. And then, Jaz wasn't imagining them anymore--she could feel them and the magic here. And her curiosity pulled her deeper, deeper down into the soil toward the warmth that Jaz had only glimpsed before on the way to this village from Ren's cabin. All at once, Jaz sensed a deep, molten, fiery core of this land, and the voices were so loud, the fire so bright, that Jaz suddenly could not contain even a portion of the magic in herself. Her hands burned and ached, and she was afraid she might burn Monica, too. Jaz broke the touch connection with the woman, pulling away from her to sit down on the floor, breathing heavily.
"It's sleeping," Jaz said, staring off into the distance. "It's sleeping, but it's so strong." She looked at Monica then, her eyes wide. "Are you... are you all right?"
((OOC: I'm imagining that Jaz did not really burn Monica, or at least, not badly, but take it how you will. <3))
Re: Leaving the Djinn
Jaz wiped tears from her face and dried her hands on her dress before caressing up and down Monica's arms. Monica enjoyed the touch, but something about it made her slightly nervous, too. Maybe it was just that Jaz seemed still far away for a moment, though she also wasn't entirely sure what to make of her first glimpse back into Jaz being the moment she had thought of climbing onto Ren's lap.
Monica felt sad, very amorphously, and happily turned her attention to a new face that Jaz was thinking of--another member of her family, youthful and easily-worried. She and Jaz and the older members of their family would touch hands together, circling in a dance until they swirled into smoke. It did feel strange, bordering on disorienting, but Monica grounded herself in another squeeze of Jaz's shoulders, perhaps reassuring herself that she was still in her own body, still grounded in the world she was used to. From there, it was easier to simply feel happy for Jaz, for the beautiful family she had.
Jaz surprised her by placing sensual kisses on her collar bones, first one and then the other. The gesture cascaded warmth into her chest, fluttering a small, giddy nervousness in her heart. Beneath it all, though, there was a small flicker of worry, but Jaz moved on before Monica had a chance to linger on it.
This is your land's magic, Jaz shared, inviting soft, whispering voices into their shared awareness. Monica wasn't entirely sure what she was hearing. She expanded some curiosity to try to understand, but then worry flared again, and she opened her eyes, attention darting back into the room where they stood together, almost as though checking to make sure that they were still alone, still safe. She squeezed Jaz's shoulders again, debating what she wanted in this moment. Jaz seemed very far away from this room--somehow, even farther away than when she'd thought of her family--and it made Monica nervous. Should she be brave and try to join Jaz where she was going? Should she trust her nervousness and beckon Jaz back? Should she play it safe and break contact all together?
All at once, Jaz's hands were growing hot, almost alarmingly so.
"Jaz," Monica said, worry plain in her voice as she settled on definitely wanting to beckon Jaz back from wherever her soul was visiting.
Jaz broke contact just as her touch was on the edge of painful, and Monica couldn't quite help a small sigh of relief. She cautiously sat down on the floor across the table from Jaz with her hands in her lap, allowing Jaz time and space to breathe and return to the space.
"It's sleeping," Jaz said, staring off into the distance. "It's sleeping, but it's so strong." She looked at Monica then, her eyes wide. "Are you... are you all right?"
"Yes, I'm all right," Monica nodded with a gentle assurance. "How are you?"
Monica felt sad, very amorphously, and happily turned her attention to a new face that Jaz was thinking of--another member of her family, youthful and easily-worried. She and Jaz and the older members of their family would touch hands together, circling in a dance until they swirled into smoke. It did feel strange, bordering on disorienting, but Monica grounded herself in another squeeze of Jaz's shoulders, perhaps reassuring herself that she was still in her own body, still grounded in the world she was used to. From there, it was easier to simply feel happy for Jaz, for the beautiful family she had.
Jaz surprised her by placing sensual kisses on her collar bones, first one and then the other. The gesture cascaded warmth into her chest, fluttering a small, giddy nervousness in her heart. Beneath it all, though, there was a small flicker of worry, but Jaz moved on before Monica had a chance to linger on it.
This is your land's magic, Jaz shared, inviting soft, whispering voices into their shared awareness. Monica wasn't entirely sure what she was hearing. She expanded some curiosity to try to understand, but then worry flared again, and she opened her eyes, attention darting back into the room where they stood together, almost as though checking to make sure that they were still alone, still safe. She squeezed Jaz's shoulders again, debating what she wanted in this moment. Jaz seemed very far away from this room--somehow, even farther away than when she'd thought of her family--and it made Monica nervous. Should she be brave and try to join Jaz where she was going? Should she trust her nervousness and beckon Jaz back? Should she play it safe and break contact all together?
All at once, Jaz's hands were growing hot, almost alarmingly so.
"Jaz," Monica said, worry plain in her voice as she settled on definitely wanting to beckon Jaz back from wherever her soul was visiting.
Jaz broke contact just as her touch was on the edge of painful, and Monica couldn't quite help a small sigh of relief. She cautiously sat down on the floor across the table from Jaz with her hands in her lap, allowing Jaz time and space to breathe and return to the space.
"It's sleeping," Jaz said, staring off into the distance. "It's sleeping, but it's so strong." She looked at Monica then, her eyes wide. "Are you... are you all right?"
"Yes, I'm all right," Monica nodded with a gentle assurance. "How are you?"
Re: Leaving the Djinn
Monica nodded. "Yes, I'm all right. How are you?"
Jaz looked up at Monica from where she sat, trying to gage how all of that had impacted Monica, but it was difficult to see through her demeanor of reassurance. There had been some... distance in their connection, though, especially near the end, and Jaz wondered if she had gone through it all too fast.
"I'm... good. Just... scattered, I guess." Jaz looked at the ground, pulling her knees in close to her chest and trying to think of a way that the two of them could reestablish connection. Jaz wanted to touch again--she didn't feel satisfied--but she was having a difficult time thinking of common ground the two of them could share. Certainly nothing about Jaz's home would be anything they held in common, so it would need to be something from today.
Remembering arranging the rose petals in the garden, Jaz held out a hand to Monica from where she sat on the floor. "Can I... can we try again?"
Jaz looked up at Monica from where she sat, trying to gage how all of that had impacted Monica, but it was difficult to see through her demeanor of reassurance. There had been some... distance in their connection, though, especially near the end, and Jaz wondered if she had gone through it all too fast.
"I'm... good. Just... scattered, I guess." Jaz looked at the ground, pulling her knees in close to her chest and trying to think of a way that the two of them could reestablish connection. Jaz wanted to touch again--she didn't feel satisfied--but she was having a difficult time thinking of common ground the two of them could share. Certainly nothing about Jaz's home would be anything they held in common, so it would need to be something from today.
Remembering arranging the rose petals in the garden, Jaz held out a hand to Monica from where she sat on the floor. "Can I... can we try again?"
Re: Leaving the Djinn
"I'm... good." Jaz replied. "Just... scattered, I guess."
Monica offered a sympathetic smile, but Jaz looked down to the ground, pulling her knees close to her chest. Monica breathed deep and slow, keeping her own nervousness steady. After a moment, Jaz held her hand out to Monica, presumably having found something she was looking for within herself.
"Can I... can we try again?" she asked.
Monica wanted to say yes. But something stilled her, keeping her own hands in her lap as she looked at Jaz's. It was beautiful and inviting, the way the lantern light flickered over Jaz's blue and beige colored skin. But when Monica genuinely tried to reach her hand toward Jaz's, she found herself touching her own chest instead, caution pulling her back into herself. She closed her eyes, humming softly as she yielded to that impulse and looked inward. She had been scared with Jaz just before. She needed something before resuming touch. What was it, exactly? Maybe more steadiness, or grounding, or just... more of an idea of where exactly it was that Jaz was wanting to take her.
"May I ask..." Monica said slowly as she opened her eyes to meet Jaz's. "Is there something you are looking for?" She meant to pause there, but in the beat that followed she recognized that, of course there was--a way home. Monica's gentle smile twisted just slightly to the side in thought as she contemplated how to clarify. "Something specific that you are hoping to find with me here this evening?"
She wanted to help, truly. But she needed to know more, or else she was only a spectator, and that didn't seem like the right role to be playing here.
Monica offered a sympathetic smile, but Jaz looked down to the ground, pulling her knees close to her chest. Monica breathed deep and slow, keeping her own nervousness steady. After a moment, Jaz held her hand out to Monica, presumably having found something she was looking for within herself.
"Can I... can we try again?" she asked.
Monica wanted to say yes. But something stilled her, keeping her own hands in her lap as she looked at Jaz's. It was beautiful and inviting, the way the lantern light flickered over Jaz's blue and beige colored skin. But when Monica genuinely tried to reach her hand toward Jaz's, she found herself touching her own chest instead, caution pulling her back into herself. She closed her eyes, humming softly as she yielded to that impulse and looked inward. She had been scared with Jaz just before. She needed something before resuming touch. What was it, exactly? Maybe more steadiness, or grounding, or just... more of an idea of where exactly it was that Jaz was wanting to take her.
"May I ask..." Monica said slowly as she opened her eyes to meet Jaz's. "Is there something you are looking for?" She meant to pause there, but in the beat that followed she recognized that, of course there was--a way home. Monica's gentle smile twisted just slightly to the side in thought as she contemplated how to clarify. "Something specific that you are hoping to find with me here this evening?"
She wanted to help, truly. But she needed to know more, or else she was only a spectator, and that didn't seem like the right role to be playing here.
Re: Leaving the Djinn
It looked as though Monica was going to accept Jaz's hand, but then she retracted it a little and brought it to her chest. Jaz sighed and looked down, wondering if she had ruined her chance here.
"May I ask..." Monica finally asked, "Is there something you are looking for? Something specific that you are hoping to find with me here this evening?"
Jaz didn't look up while she thought about it. Monica felt so far away with the table between them. Jaz sighed, trying to articulate her errant thoughts.
"Ren seems... skittish. I don't know how much comfort I will find in him tonight." Jaz looked off to the side, embarrassed. "I really just want to touch you. To feel held. To feel... at home in my own body here. Maybe just to see if that's even... possible." Jaz took a deep breath, readjusting herself so she was sitting her feet, beginning to feel a little more confident and grounded, as she looked at Monica. "It's an effort to keep memories and thoughts from passing between us if we are touching. That kind of touch is still something just not... as satisfying.
"I think I could keep it to things you recognize, though, if you would prefer. I had a lovely time in the community garden earlier today." Jaz remembered the lemon cucumber that Ren had given to her and was grateful it was still in her bag, waiting for her.
"Or... we could stop," Jaz said, her face visibly falling. "I'm sure this is all a lot. I'll be okay. I have strategies that mitigate the..." She trailed off, not even sure how to explain fully what happened to her when she didn't receive touch. Finally, she just gestured to the mottled colors of her skin.
"May I ask..." Monica finally asked, "Is there something you are looking for? Something specific that you are hoping to find with me here this evening?"
Jaz didn't look up while she thought about it. Monica felt so far away with the table between them. Jaz sighed, trying to articulate her errant thoughts.
"Ren seems... skittish. I don't know how much comfort I will find in him tonight." Jaz looked off to the side, embarrassed. "I really just want to touch you. To feel held. To feel... at home in my own body here. Maybe just to see if that's even... possible." Jaz took a deep breath, readjusting herself so she was sitting her feet, beginning to feel a little more confident and grounded, as she looked at Monica. "It's an effort to keep memories and thoughts from passing between us if we are touching. That kind of touch is still something just not... as satisfying.
"I think I could keep it to things you recognize, though, if you would prefer. I had a lovely time in the community garden earlier today." Jaz remembered the lemon cucumber that Ren had given to her and was grateful it was still in her bag, waiting for her.
"Or... we could stop," Jaz said, her face visibly falling. "I'm sure this is all a lot. I'll be okay. I have strategies that mitigate the..." She trailed off, not even sure how to explain fully what happened to her when she didn't receive touch. Finally, she just gestured to the mottled colors of her skin.
Re: Leaving the Djinn
"Ren seems... skittish." Jaz said, and Monica gave a soft hum in amusement. Yes, that was quite accurate.
"I don't know how much comfort I will find in him tonight." Jaz looked off to the side. "I really just want to touch you. To feel held. To feel... at home in my own body here. Maybe just to see if that's even... possible." Jaz took a deep breath, readjusting herself so she was sitting her feet. It made her look a little more confident and grounded, and Monica felt hopeful.
"It's an effort to keep memories and thoughts from passing between us if we are touching. That kind of touch is still something just not... as satisfying. I think I could keep it to things you recognize, though, if you would prefer. I had a lovely time in the community garden earlier today."
Monica smiled, just about ready to reengage. She would certainly love to experience the garden through Jaz, and she was optimistic that she was closer to understanding where the nourishment for Jaz actually was in all of this.
"Or... we could stop," Jaz went on, her expression falling. "I'm sure this is all a lot. I'll be okay. I have strategies that mitigate the..." She trailed off, and finally just gestured to the mottled colors of her skin.
"I do want to try again," Monica said confidently. She paused for just a moment, contemplating whether she was indeed ready to offer touch again, or if there was more she wanted to say. She ultimately decided to continue verbally, leaning on the fact that this was how she was accustomed to expressing herself, so it seemed a better choice while there was still uncertainty in the air between them.
"I would love to help you feel held, and to share in your memories of the garden. I also genuinely enjoyed learning about your family and your home. It was just difficult to follow you toward the voices--the magic you tried to share. Something about it felt... not entirely safe for me, in ways I don't understand. Which I am sorry for; I would love to learn more about it all. But perhaps not today."
All that laid out, Monica moved her hand slowly from her chest out over the table. She hovered just above Jaz's hand, her eyes flicking from the air between their skin up to meet Jaz's gaze, her eyebrows raised in a cautious question.
"Does that all sound all right to you?"
"I don't know how much comfort I will find in him tonight." Jaz looked off to the side. "I really just want to touch you. To feel held. To feel... at home in my own body here. Maybe just to see if that's even... possible." Jaz took a deep breath, readjusting herself so she was sitting her feet. It made her look a little more confident and grounded, and Monica felt hopeful.
"It's an effort to keep memories and thoughts from passing between us if we are touching. That kind of touch is still something just not... as satisfying. I think I could keep it to things you recognize, though, if you would prefer. I had a lovely time in the community garden earlier today."
Monica smiled, just about ready to reengage. She would certainly love to experience the garden through Jaz, and she was optimistic that she was closer to understanding where the nourishment for Jaz actually was in all of this.
"Or... we could stop," Jaz went on, her expression falling. "I'm sure this is all a lot. I'll be okay. I have strategies that mitigate the..." She trailed off, and finally just gestured to the mottled colors of her skin.
"I do want to try again," Monica said confidently. She paused for just a moment, contemplating whether she was indeed ready to offer touch again, or if there was more she wanted to say. She ultimately decided to continue verbally, leaning on the fact that this was how she was accustomed to expressing herself, so it seemed a better choice while there was still uncertainty in the air between them.
"I would love to help you feel held, and to share in your memories of the garden. I also genuinely enjoyed learning about your family and your home. It was just difficult to follow you toward the voices--the magic you tried to share. Something about it felt... not entirely safe for me, in ways I don't understand. Which I am sorry for; I would love to learn more about it all. But perhaps not today."
All that laid out, Monica moved her hand slowly from her chest out over the table. She hovered just above Jaz's hand, her eyes flicking from the air between their skin up to meet Jaz's gaze, her eyebrows raised in a cautious question.
"Does that all sound all right to you?"
Re: Leaving the Djinn
"I do want to try again," Monica said, a conviction in her voice that gave Jaz hope. "I would love to help you feel held, and to share in your memories of the garden. I also genuinely enjoyed learning about your family and your home. It was just difficult to follow you toward the voices--the magic you tried to share. Something about it felt... not entirely safe for me, in ways I don't understand. Which I am sorry for; I would love to learn more about it all. But perhaps not today."
Jaz nodded. That made sense. Neither of them really knew what all was safe in all this. On some level, it was a miracle that touch interactions between djinn and humans were nourishing at all. Jaz felt confident that she could stay inside the boundaries Monica offered.
"Does that all sound all right to you?" Monica reached her hand out, hovering it tantalizingly above Jaz's.
"It sounds lovely," Jaz said, her eyes watering.
Jaz nodded. That made sense. Neither of them really knew what all was safe in all this. On some level, it was a miracle that touch interactions between djinn and humans were nourishing at all. Jaz felt confident that she could stay inside the boundaries Monica offered.
"Does that all sound all right to you?" Monica reached her hand out, hovering it tantalizingly above Jaz's.
"It sounds lovely," Jaz said, her eyes watering.
Re: Leaving the Djinn
"It sounds lovely," Jaz said, her eyes watering.
Monica smiled warmly, and gently pressed her hand into Jaz's palm, offering warmth and welcome as her fingers offered to curl around Jaz's hand, curiosity seeking with sweet interest after Jaz's visit to the garden that she had mentioned. Along with Monica's curiosity likely came small, tickling tendrils of Monica's own memories in the garden--there were many, several with Sage, and also many others, including on her own--but she held them at bay for now. It was not that she did not want to visit them, but she wanted to ensure there was space for Jaz to share hers, first.
Monica smiled warmly, and gently pressed her hand into Jaz's palm, offering warmth and welcome as her fingers offered to curl around Jaz's hand, curiosity seeking with sweet interest after Jaz's visit to the garden that she had mentioned. Along with Monica's curiosity likely came small, tickling tendrils of Monica's own memories in the garden--there were many, several with Sage, and also many others, including on her own--but she held them at bay for now. It was not that she did not want to visit them, but she wanted to ensure there was space for Jaz to share hers, first.