Joy positively suffused Nick as Rav settled his arms over Nick's back, gentle and welcoming and inviting even more closeness. Nick was more than happy to nuzzle beneath the subtle pressure, his own arms offering Rav another affectionate squeeze. Thrilling tingles danced down Nick's spine as one of Rav's hands moved to stroke his hair. He felt so grateful, and proud of them both. This moment made absolutely everything worth it. They were both quiet for a long time, and for once, Nick felt no anxious urge to fill the silence. He felt warm and blissful and happy beyond belief, and more than content to just revel in it.
"This is nice, Nick," Rav finally spoke. "This is really nice. Thank you."
All that came to mind to say back were deflections--thank you; I don't know what you're thaking me for; and the like--which Nick may have indulged in had he been less blissfully content in this moment. But, being as content as he was, Nick most desired not to speak at all, and just nodded and and gently squeezed and nuzzled into Rav again as his reply.
It wasn't long before his anxiety did begin to catch up with him again, though, making the compelling argument that Rav may have broken the silence because he was at least approaching ready to be done with just simply cuddling. Nick allowed himself to take his time before actually making a transition, though. He opened his eyes hazily, blinking across Rav's chest toward the man's shoulder, freshly enjoying the feel of Rav's arm over his back. He could feel the impulse beginning to rise in his throat to ask Rav what he wanted next, but he redirected toward checking in with himself, first.
For the moment, he was still extremely happy cuddling with Rav, and he was pretty sure he would most like to be able to continue cuddling with the man, but maybe not in indeterminate silence for too much longer. Nick could turn on some music, maybe... but on some level he knew that that would only stave this off for a couple of songs at best. Maybe they could watch something or play a video game? That did sound nice, in theory, but some sense that it wasn't the thing to do right now directed him back toward conversation. They'd covered a lot of ground, and getting to cuddle like this had definitely helped things feel more settled, but maybe there was a desire to solidify something verbally, too?
A small feeling of overwhelm started to rise as Nick contemplated rehashing the conversation in his mind to try to figure out what else would be valuable to dig into, and he sighed it out with a soft hum, once again giving Rav a gentle squeeze.
"I'm starting to feel a little antsy," Nick finally said, deciding the thing to do was to lean on a practice of sharing updates, even before he'd figured everything out. "I don't think I want to stop cuddling, but... maybe I'd like music or conversation? But, I don't know what I want to talk about necessarily..." With a heavier sigh, Nick pushed himself to sit up, happy to keep his knees tucked to the side between Rav's legs, but perhaps ready to look at the man's face, his hands softly settling on the man's thighs to keep contact and add a little stability to his new position.
((OOC: * Rav could conceivably apply sufficient pressure with his arms around Nick to encourage Nick to continue cuddling him. Either way, if Rav doesn't speak fairly quickly, I think Nick would add, "And now I'm feeling embarassed that I don't know what I want next." But I think he would stop there and wait for Rav to speak at that point.))
Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Nick was quiet but ultimately nodded into Rav's chest and squeezed around him. Gods, Rav was happy. He continued stroking Nick's hair, the motions becoming slower and slower as he experimented with just how slow he could make them without stopping. His other hand started to mirror the movements on Nick's spine, stroking gently over the vertebrae in Nick's upper back.
Rav was blissful and content. He closed his eyes and heard his lips part as his breathing picked up subtly. He was getting excited.
He tried not to panic, stopping his motions softly and putting a little more pressure on Nick instead, hoping to stave off the incoming rush of blood to places Nick would be able to feel. He managed it, but only just, some tension inevitably lingering in his body as a result. Nick hummed and gave Rav a squeeze, and Rav was terrified that Nick had noticed the change. Rav took slow, deep, silent breaths, urging himself to stay calm.
"I'm starting to feel a little antsy," Nick said, and Rav balked, surprised. "I don't think I want to stop cuddling, but... maybe I'd like music or conversation? But, I don't know what I want to talk about necessarily..." Nick sighed heavily then, sitting up to look Rav in the eyes, though he kept his legs tucked under Rav's. Rav had half an impulse to pull Nick back down, but he knew that wouldn't go over well. And, besides, he needed Nick to stay in his own agency. Still, with Nick's lips so close and the warm blush on Rav's face, it was difficult to focus. Music. Conversation. Those would be good distractions, yes.
Nick steadied himself by putting hands on Rav's thighs, causing the rush of blood he had been holding back to flow freely as a heavy exhale rushed out of him. He was so grateful that Nick wasn't lying against him anymore, allowing the pulse of his cock to go largely unnoticed, but Nick's hands on his thighs were going to drive him crazy.
He tried to come up with a conversation they could return to, but the only dangling thread he could think of was about swapping stories, and that wasn't going to help distract Rav at all. Not at all.
Rav didn't want to give up the ground they had just won, but he didn't know where to go from here.
Not knowing how else to proceed, Rav gently grasped Nick's upper arms and guided him off his thighs so Nick could balance on his knees on the couch instead. Then, looking at Nick with lifted brows, Rav said, "Maybe this is... weird, but could we try swapping positions? And, yeah, maybe some instrumental music would be nice. That stuff you had on earlier was good."
((OOC: I think Rav is still holding onto Nick's shoulders, but he'll let go if Nick moves or talks.))
Rav was blissful and content. He closed his eyes and heard his lips part as his breathing picked up subtly. He was getting excited.
He tried not to panic, stopping his motions softly and putting a little more pressure on Nick instead, hoping to stave off the incoming rush of blood to places Nick would be able to feel. He managed it, but only just, some tension inevitably lingering in his body as a result. Nick hummed and gave Rav a squeeze, and Rav was terrified that Nick had noticed the change. Rav took slow, deep, silent breaths, urging himself to stay calm.
"I'm starting to feel a little antsy," Nick said, and Rav balked, surprised. "I don't think I want to stop cuddling, but... maybe I'd like music or conversation? But, I don't know what I want to talk about necessarily..." Nick sighed heavily then, sitting up to look Rav in the eyes, though he kept his legs tucked under Rav's. Rav had half an impulse to pull Nick back down, but he knew that wouldn't go over well. And, besides, he needed Nick to stay in his own agency. Still, with Nick's lips so close and the warm blush on Rav's face, it was difficult to focus. Music. Conversation. Those would be good distractions, yes.
Nick steadied himself by putting hands on Rav's thighs, causing the rush of blood he had been holding back to flow freely as a heavy exhale rushed out of him. He was so grateful that Nick wasn't lying against him anymore, allowing the pulse of his cock to go largely unnoticed, but Nick's hands on his thighs were going to drive him crazy.
He tried to come up with a conversation they could return to, but the only dangling thread he could think of was about swapping stories, and that wasn't going to help distract Rav at all. Not at all.
Rav didn't want to give up the ground they had just won, but he didn't know where to go from here.
Not knowing how else to proceed, Rav gently grasped Nick's upper arms and guided him off his thighs so Nick could balance on his knees on the couch instead. Then, looking at Nick with lifted brows, Rav said, "Maybe this is... weird, but could we try swapping positions? And, yeah, maybe some instrumental music would be nice. That stuff you had on earlier was good."
((OOC: I think Rav is still holding onto Nick's shoulders, but he'll let go if Nick moves or talks.))
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Nick felt extremely nervous, sensing that Rav seemed tense now. It was tempting to wonder whether Nick had somehow done something wrong, but surely all of the cuddling had been mutually deeply enjoyed, and simply pulling back to talk about what was next shouldn't land too terribly sideways, right?
Nick's heart thudded in a startled pulse when Rav gently grasped his arms, encouraging Nick to sit more upright. His palms tingled as he withdrew them from Rav's thighs, his cheeks gaining color as he thought about their last contact improv class together, the moment their bodies had touched in a way that had led to Rav freezing up. Maybe Nick should have been more careful about where he put his hands.... or, maybe there was no 'should'; maybe exactly what was happening was okay to be happening. Nick swallowed, hoping that was the case. He didn't mind Rav's hands on his arms, anyhow, though he worried about how Rav was feeling. Rav lifted his brows as he met Nick's eyes, and Nick was full of silent attention as Rav spoke.
"Maybe this is... weird, but could we try swapping positions? And, yeah, maybe some instrumental music would be nice. That stuff you had on earlier was good."
Nick slowly nodded, though he stopped the gesture when he realized that he was still processing what Rav had actually said. He was starting to get a little flustered about that habit, but he tried to reassure himself that surely gaining awareness of it was already a start to something.
His mind was able to grasp the music portion, first, and Nick smiled gently, happy that Rav would enjoy revisiting the earlier album. That sounded really nice, actually. Nick more fully sat back on his own, releasing attachment to Rav's hands on his shoulders as he fished his phone out of his pocket. He hesitated before returning to the same album, though--had Rav meant, something new but similar, rather than the same thing again? Nick closed his eyes and gently shook his head at himself. What did he want? Well, right, wrong, or indifferent, he'd feel anxious if he put on the album from the start, but he compromised and pressed play on the next song they hadn't heard yet.
He adjusted the volume down a little, to where he felt optimistic that he'd feel comfortable talking over it, but it still filled the silence nicely. Then, he set the phone down on the coffee table, and sat back with his hands in his lap to marvel for a moment at the cozy ambiance of his favorite album under the warm glow of string lights. Not too shabby, honestly. Maybe he could ease up whatever embarrassment he had about living in a garage-y basement. Something about that thought was very relaxing, and he let out a deep breath rather close to a sigh.
But then, he felt self-conscious about that near-sigh, and brought his attention back to Rav, hoping the man didn't feel like Nick had kept him waiting. Nick's cheeks felt hot again, and his mind searched for the other part of what Rav had said about what he wanted next. Nick was pretty sure he'd still wanted to keep cuddling, but he'd wanted something to change... swap positions? That was it. Relief pulled another deep, sigh-like breath from his body, and his smile widened as he settled back against the other armrest, his arms and legs spread open with a small, playfully-theatrical flair, and Nick nodded. Some friction arose in his throat with an urge to find something to say, some verbal affirmation of the plan, but Nick didn't want to. He wanted to rest his vocal chords for a minute and just let other parts of his body talk, and he reminded himself that contact improv was kind of practicing that very thing; and, while not perfect, he and Rav already had some shared nonverbal language, which surely would translate just fine into this full-body gesture of welcome, eager to get cozy again just as soon as Rav was ready.
Nick's heart thudded in a startled pulse when Rav gently grasped his arms, encouraging Nick to sit more upright. His palms tingled as he withdrew them from Rav's thighs, his cheeks gaining color as he thought about their last contact improv class together, the moment their bodies had touched in a way that had led to Rav freezing up. Maybe Nick should have been more careful about where he put his hands.... or, maybe there was no 'should'; maybe exactly what was happening was okay to be happening. Nick swallowed, hoping that was the case. He didn't mind Rav's hands on his arms, anyhow, though he worried about how Rav was feeling. Rav lifted his brows as he met Nick's eyes, and Nick was full of silent attention as Rav spoke.
"Maybe this is... weird, but could we try swapping positions? And, yeah, maybe some instrumental music would be nice. That stuff you had on earlier was good."
Nick slowly nodded, though he stopped the gesture when he realized that he was still processing what Rav had actually said. He was starting to get a little flustered about that habit, but he tried to reassure himself that surely gaining awareness of it was already a start to something.
His mind was able to grasp the music portion, first, and Nick smiled gently, happy that Rav would enjoy revisiting the earlier album. That sounded really nice, actually. Nick more fully sat back on his own, releasing attachment to Rav's hands on his shoulders as he fished his phone out of his pocket. He hesitated before returning to the same album, though--had Rav meant, something new but similar, rather than the same thing again? Nick closed his eyes and gently shook his head at himself. What did he want? Well, right, wrong, or indifferent, he'd feel anxious if he put on the album from the start, but he compromised and pressed play on the next song they hadn't heard yet.
He adjusted the volume down a little, to where he felt optimistic that he'd feel comfortable talking over it, but it still filled the silence nicely. Then, he set the phone down on the coffee table, and sat back with his hands in his lap to marvel for a moment at the cozy ambiance of his favorite album under the warm glow of string lights. Not too shabby, honestly. Maybe he could ease up whatever embarrassment he had about living in a garage-y basement. Something about that thought was very relaxing, and he let out a deep breath rather close to a sigh.
But then, he felt self-conscious about that near-sigh, and brought his attention back to Rav, hoping the man didn't feel like Nick had kept him waiting. Nick's cheeks felt hot again, and his mind searched for the other part of what Rav had said about what he wanted next. Nick was pretty sure he'd still wanted to keep cuddling, but he'd wanted something to change... swap positions? That was it. Relief pulled another deep, sigh-like breath from his body, and his smile widened as he settled back against the other armrest, his arms and legs spread open with a small, playfully-theatrical flair, and Nick nodded. Some friction arose in his throat with an urge to find something to say, some verbal affirmation of the plan, but Nick didn't want to. He wanted to rest his vocal chords for a minute and just let other parts of his body talk, and he reminded himself that contact improv was kind of practicing that very thing; and, while not perfect, he and Rav already had some shared nonverbal language, which surely would translate just fine into this full-body gesture of welcome, eager to get cozy again just as soon as Rav was ready.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Nick nodded before he had quite registered what Rav had said and frowned a little as they both realized that. Rav made a mental note that he should not take a nod from Nick as a yes in the future. Verbal responses only. The thought of making Nick speak out loud did tug a small smile to his lips. He liked the thought.
Nick gave his own smile, no doubt much less sadistically inspired, and reached in his pocket for his phone. Rav contented himself to watch as Nick weighed options, closing his eyes and shaking his head. When Nick made a decision, the music started loudly, but Nick adjusted it down to fit the space they were in, and Rav found himself relaxing. Nick was right--this was better.
While Nick looked around to bask in the space, Rav prepared to stand, eyes still on Nick. Nick sighed and then looked at Rav as though that had been an overstep of some kind. Rav raised an eyebrow. But Nick's smile soon widened as he moved his own body into position against the opposite armrest, arms and legs spread open and looking very much like they wanted to playfully swallow Rav whole. Rav smiled softly and was prepared to let them.
Deciding how he wanted to position his own body, however, was another matter. He could take the idea of swapping positions literally, lying on Nick's chest and facing forward, but the idea of the posture felt... vulnerable, exposed. Then again, the thought of having his back to Nick made the hair on the back of his neck prickle. Then again, what was Rav afraid of? That Nick would pull a knife on him? Fat chance. Where would the motive be?
Maybe he just needed to ease into it like he might in contact improv. He stood and closed his eyes, swaying a little to the music as its familiar notes offered themselves to the space. Finally, Rav bent down on his knees at the side of the couch, looking at Nick with a playful smile. He ran the back of his hand and arm softly up the outside of Nick's leg and then had the impulse to rub his cheek back down alongside. He didn't stop to think about how it looked to Nick--he just felt into how he wanted to move. Flowing back up along the outside of Nick's leg, Rav's hands traced the inside of Nick's arm and then back up to his shoulder, using it as balance as he pushed himself off the floor and twisted, using one foot to run down the inside of Nick's leg before sitting down in the space Nick had made with his legs.
Rav settled in, his back low and lounging on Nick's stomach as though they were going to play video games together or something. It felt good, like they were just teenagers hanging out after school. It felt easy and casual. Rav took a breath into the spaciousness and reveled in it. Damn, it had taken a lot to get here. Playfully, Rav rested the heel of his hand against one of Nick's thighs--just a little bit of payback--and nestled further into the crook of Nick's legs. He looked back with a wolfish grin at Nick, pleased with himself and happy. He even threw a leg over one of Nick's and the other over the far armrest, enjoying the sprawl for a moment.
((OOC: He'll probably settle into a more crouched position if Nick shifts or looks uncomfortable, but he's enjoying stretching out for now.))
Nick gave his own smile, no doubt much less sadistically inspired, and reached in his pocket for his phone. Rav contented himself to watch as Nick weighed options, closing his eyes and shaking his head. When Nick made a decision, the music started loudly, but Nick adjusted it down to fit the space they were in, and Rav found himself relaxing. Nick was right--this was better.
While Nick looked around to bask in the space, Rav prepared to stand, eyes still on Nick. Nick sighed and then looked at Rav as though that had been an overstep of some kind. Rav raised an eyebrow. But Nick's smile soon widened as he moved his own body into position against the opposite armrest, arms and legs spread open and looking very much like they wanted to playfully swallow Rav whole. Rav smiled softly and was prepared to let them.
Deciding how he wanted to position his own body, however, was another matter. He could take the idea of swapping positions literally, lying on Nick's chest and facing forward, but the idea of the posture felt... vulnerable, exposed. Then again, the thought of having his back to Nick made the hair on the back of his neck prickle. Then again, what was Rav afraid of? That Nick would pull a knife on him? Fat chance. Where would the motive be?
Maybe he just needed to ease into it like he might in contact improv. He stood and closed his eyes, swaying a little to the music as its familiar notes offered themselves to the space. Finally, Rav bent down on his knees at the side of the couch, looking at Nick with a playful smile. He ran the back of his hand and arm softly up the outside of Nick's leg and then had the impulse to rub his cheek back down alongside. He didn't stop to think about how it looked to Nick--he just felt into how he wanted to move. Flowing back up along the outside of Nick's leg, Rav's hands traced the inside of Nick's arm and then back up to his shoulder, using it as balance as he pushed himself off the floor and twisted, using one foot to run down the inside of Nick's leg before sitting down in the space Nick had made with his legs.
Rav settled in, his back low and lounging on Nick's stomach as though they were going to play video games together or something. It felt good, like they were just teenagers hanging out after school. It felt easy and casual. Rav took a breath into the spaciousness and reveled in it. Damn, it had taken a lot to get here. Playfully, Rav rested the heel of his hand against one of Nick's thighs--just a little bit of payback--and nestled further into the crook of Nick's legs. He looked back with a wolfish grin at Nick, pleased with himself and happy. He even threw a leg over one of Nick's and the other over the far armrest, enjoying the sprawl for a moment.
((OOC: He'll probably settle into a more crouched position if Nick shifts or looks uncomfortable, but he's enjoying stretching out for now.))
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
At first Nick was nervous when Rav stood from the couch--was he reconsidering?--but he relaxed when he realized that Rav had closed his eyes and was swaying gently to the music. Nick closed his eyes, too, and listened for a moment, smiling happily and letting his hands dance a little through the air on their way down to rest on his thighs patiently.
He opened his eyes as he sensed Rav moving closer, and then blinked with a gentle startle when Rav knelt down next to the couch, his playful smile sending a warm pulse of excitement up Nick's spine. Nick watched with wide eyes and a nervous smile as Rav ran the back of his hand softly up Nick's leg, transitioning to the back of his arm in a flow of movement that sent pleasant tingles up through Nick's hip. Nick let out a soft, slightly shaky exhale as Rav continued the flow from his arm through to his cheek. Nick almost had the impulse to caress his fingers through Rav's hair as he moved, but he was a little too shy--and besides, Rav's hands flowed with their own impulse, reaching for Nick's arm. Nick was happy to open to that flow, allowing Rav's fingers to trace along the inside of his arm, pulling Nick's eyes shut to fully enjoy the tingles that cascaded happily across his arm and even up his neck and into his scalp.
Rav's hands settled on Nick's shoulder with a gentle pressure, and Nick opened his eyes again as Rav stood again, though he didn't stop there. Nick was delighted to watch the flow that Rav was following continue as he lifted a leg to trace its foot down the inside of Nick's leg, pulling a pleasant, warm heaviness down through Nick's torso. Then, Rav twisted smoothly with his motion and finally settled into a seated position between Nick's legs, lounging his back low against Nick's stomach. Nick felt the man's body relax and sink into the position, a hand coming to rest on one of Nick's thighs, and Nick felt his cheeks warm a little, realizing that that was about where Nick had put his hands on Rav's thighs as few moments prior. The man looked back to Nick with a wolfish grin and sprawled his legs out, one over Nick's leg and the other over the far armrest.
Nick's cheeks just kept getting warmer, along with his chest and, distantly but unmistakably, the area between his hips. He thought about what Rav had said about having 'pinning' and 'trapping' fantasies, and he wondered if Rav was also thinking about that right now. Maybe that wolfish grin hinted at something? But Nick wasn't sure. Maybe for now he could just enjoy the excitement of the juxtaposition in his own mind, perhaps lace in gentle echoes of Rav talking about the fence. The thought arose that Nick still owed Rav a story along those lines--and briefly, the impulse to figure out what to say started to make him nervous--but he refocused on the music, assuring himself that he didn't have to talk, that this moment was enough on its own, and he didn't need to rush into anything.
Thank you, came the next tug at his throat, which Nick redirected into a gentle squeeze of Rav's shoulders. May I massage you? came next, and so Nick softly released the squeeze and re-engaged it again, allowing his attention to get curious about the feel of the man's muscles beneath his fingers, and how they seemed to respond to the shift in touch.
He opened his eyes as he sensed Rav moving closer, and then blinked with a gentle startle when Rav knelt down next to the couch, his playful smile sending a warm pulse of excitement up Nick's spine. Nick watched with wide eyes and a nervous smile as Rav ran the back of his hand softly up Nick's leg, transitioning to the back of his arm in a flow of movement that sent pleasant tingles up through Nick's hip. Nick let out a soft, slightly shaky exhale as Rav continued the flow from his arm through to his cheek. Nick almost had the impulse to caress his fingers through Rav's hair as he moved, but he was a little too shy--and besides, Rav's hands flowed with their own impulse, reaching for Nick's arm. Nick was happy to open to that flow, allowing Rav's fingers to trace along the inside of his arm, pulling Nick's eyes shut to fully enjoy the tingles that cascaded happily across his arm and even up his neck and into his scalp.
Rav's hands settled on Nick's shoulder with a gentle pressure, and Nick opened his eyes again as Rav stood again, though he didn't stop there. Nick was delighted to watch the flow that Rav was following continue as he lifted a leg to trace its foot down the inside of Nick's leg, pulling a pleasant, warm heaviness down through Nick's torso. Then, Rav twisted smoothly with his motion and finally settled into a seated position between Nick's legs, lounging his back low against Nick's stomach. Nick felt the man's body relax and sink into the position, a hand coming to rest on one of Nick's thighs, and Nick felt his cheeks warm a little, realizing that that was about where Nick had put his hands on Rav's thighs as few moments prior. The man looked back to Nick with a wolfish grin and sprawled his legs out, one over Nick's leg and the other over the far armrest.
Nick's cheeks just kept getting warmer, along with his chest and, distantly but unmistakably, the area between his hips. He thought about what Rav had said about having 'pinning' and 'trapping' fantasies, and he wondered if Rav was also thinking about that right now. Maybe that wolfish grin hinted at something? But Nick wasn't sure. Maybe for now he could just enjoy the excitement of the juxtaposition in his own mind, perhaps lace in gentle echoes of Rav talking about the fence. The thought arose that Nick still owed Rav a story along those lines--and briefly, the impulse to figure out what to say started to make him nervous--but he refocused on the music, assuring himself that he didn't have to talk, that this moment was enough on its own, and he didn't need to rush into anything.
Thank you, came the next tug at his throat, which Nick redirected into a gentle squeeze of Rav's shoulders. May I massage you? came next, and so Nick softly released the squeeze and re-engaged it again, allowing his attention to get curious about the feel of the man's muscles beneath his fingers, and how they seemed to respond to the shift in touch.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
As Rav settled into his new position, he exhaled deeply, the tension in his body releasing. Without looking at Nick, it was a little tricky to trust that he was all right with this position, but Rav wanted to see where it got them. They were experimenting, and Nick could ask for a change if he needed it. Rav marveled for a moment at how much more comfortable he felt here. Maybe he was forcing the casual posture a little, but it was working. His body was undeniably softer.
Fake it until you make it, as they say, Rav thought.
But, gods, Nick was warm. He almost felt like an electric blanket under Rav, and despite himself, Rav shivered, unconsciously pressing his hand into Nick's thigh. Rav jolted slightly as Nick's hand came to rest and then gently squeeze his shoulder, but he relaxed into it again.
Not a knife, he reminded himself.
Nick brought his other hand to mirror the first, his fingers exploring the lines of Rav's muscle and bone. Rav had the sudden impulse to want to bite down on something as the massage began, and he let his eyes roll back in his head--Nick couldn't see them like this anyway. His head lolled where it rested on Nick's chest, and his hand squeezed Nick's thigh. Rav's breath sped up briefly, but he breathed it back out, long and slow.
Yes, Nick is touching you. Let it just be that.
And then Rav's eyes suddenly watered as he realized all at once that he almost didn't get a chance to experience this. If he had left when Nick had needed a break, if he had decided it wasn't worth it, this never would have happened.
Before he could quite stop himself, Rav's free hand reached up to cover one of Nick's hands, gently squeezing his fingers. Vehemently, Rav did not want to say anything--it was already too much a gesture of affection as it was. He kept his lips pressed firmly together and swallowed, pushing his cheek more deliberately into Nick's chest.
Fake it until you make it, as they say, Rav thought.
But, gods, Nick was warm. He almost felt like an electric blanket under Rav, and despite himself, Rav shivered, unconsciously pressing his hand into Nick's thigh. Rav jolted slightly as Nick's hand came to rest and then gently squeeze his shoulder, but he relaxed into it again.
Not a knife, he reminded himself.
Nick brought his other hand to mirror the first, his fingers exploring the lines of Rav's muscle and bone. Rav had the sudden impulse to want to bite down on something as the massage began, and he let his eyes roll back in his head--Nick couldn't see them like this anyway. His head lolled where it rested on Nick's chest, and his hand squeezed Nick's thigh. Rav's breath sped up briefly, but he breathed it back out, long and slow.
Yes, Nick is touching you. Let it just be that.
And then Rav's eyes suddenly watered as he realized all at once that he almost didn't get a chance to experience this. If he had left when Nick had needed a break, if he had decided it wasn't worth it, this never would have happened.
Before he could quite stop himself, Rav's free hand reached up to cover one of Nick's hands, gently squeezing his fingers. Vehemently, Rav did not want to say anything--it was already too much a gesture of affection as it was. He kept his lips pressed firmly together and swallowed, pushing his cheek more deliberately into Nick's chest.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Rav jolted slightly at first, and Nick almost pulled his hands away, but then the man relaxed, and when Nick got braver about his muscular exploration, Rav's head lolled on Nick's chest, and his hand gently squeezed Nick's thigh. That sent another pleasant warmth blooming up through Nick's body, widening the smile on his lips. Then, Rav's free hand came up to cover one of Nick's hands, squeezing his fingers, and the warmth intensified in Nick's chest, his smile almost starting to hurt his cheeks. Rav tilted his head to press his cheek against Nick's chest, and Nick felt the urge to wrap around the man and squeeze in every available way--but, maybe feeling shy or afraid of overwhelming Rav or just going too quickly into something, he remained calm and loose, save for where his fingers gently squeezed Rav's back and dug a little further into the muscle of the man's shoulders. He did let out a soft hum, and he felt a deep gratitude that his throat felt loose and free-flowing now, if a little tired from all that had happened this evening.
From there, he settled into the music again, listening to its flowy sounds as his fingers continued exploring, getting curious about moving inward toward Rav's neck, or a little further down his back toward his shoulder blades, or outward toward the tops of his arms, or maybe even forward toward the chest muscles past his collar bone--he moved slowly, paying attention to which directions Rav seemed to open up to or tense up against. He was also certainly open to interacting with the man's hand with finger-squeezes, passively enjoying its presence, or potentially shifting his own hand away from shoulder to engage more fully with Rav's fingers or palm, if it seemed to beckon for attention. Nick thought pleasantly that it really was a little like they were contact improv dancing to the music, but just while lying on the couch, and that sent a small burst of happiness from his chest through the rest of his body, and instigated another soft hum in his throat.
From there, he settled into the music again, listening to its flowy sounds as his fingers continued exploring, getting curious about moving inward toward Rav's neck, or a little further down his back toward his shoulder blades, or outward toward the tops of his arms, or maybe even forward toward the chest muscles past his collar bone--he moved slowly, paying attention to which directions Rav seemed to open up to or tense up against. He was also certainly open to interacting with the man's hand with finger-squeezes, passively enjoying its presence, or potentially shifting his own hand away from shoulder to engage more fully with Rav's fingers or palm, if it seemed to beckon for attention. Nick thought pleasantly that it really was a little like they were contact improv dancing to the music, but just while lying on the couch, and that sent a small burst of happiness from his chest through the rest of his body, and instigated another soft hum in his throat.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Nick's fingers squeezed Rav's back, calling into Rav's mind echoes of their previous hand-holding throughout the evening. He shook his head a little in disbelief but melted back when Nick hummed and gently pulled his hand away to dig his fingers more deeply into Rav's shoulder blades. Rav's head swayed a little from side to side in time with the music, the muscles in his mid and low back matching the rhythm subtly as they tensed and relaxed against Nick. Was this the first time he had been massaged like this? He couldn't pull a previous time to mind. It was difficult to imagine a context where he would let it happen. There was the forest action hippies who were all about passing time that way, but Rav had opted out of that part. Maybe in a professional setting, if Rav had had the money, but he hadn't and wouldn't have spent it on a massage if he had. Something nagged in his memory about one of his psychedelic trips when a friend had started massaging his shoulders, but he couldn't relax into that one--there was too much other stimulation present.
No, this was novel and pleasant, Nick's gentle exploration testing new directions and pathways across Rav's skin in time with the music. His fingers danced over Rav's neck, releasing long-held tension there as though Rav's muscles were stubborn buttons that had finally gotten pressed, then travelled forward toward Rav's chest. As Nick's fingers searched for the line where bone become muscle and pressed, Rav saw a ribbon of black unfold in his mind's eye, suddenly becoming taut as though pulled from both sides. And, inside the ribbon, a slew of memories came flooding back, memories Rav hadn't thought about in a long while.
Flashes of his father speaking loudly to his sister as they argued, staring at the back of a long pew inside a courtroom, hours spent entertaining himself in the back room of office buildings with cardboard cutouts.
Rav inhaled quickly, surprised by the sudden vividness of the images, and nearly scrambled back to sitting up, but the second he tensed his muscles, he remembered where he was and settled back into the moment again, listening to the lull of the meditative tones wafting off Nick's phone.
Rav was an adult now, his father was nowhere to be found, and he was fully in control of his own body. He was safe.
But, at the same time, Nick had definitely noticed the tension--Rav was sure of it. He didn't want Nick to think it was his fault.
"That feels... phenomenal," Rav said, pouring his gratitude into his voice, "and apparently it's bringing up some old memories in me. I think they've quieted now, though. I'm okay."
Taking some long, deep breaths, Rav started to believe what he had said. They were going to be all right--Rav wasn't going to shut down again. He was here, he was present in his body, and he was potently committed to enjoying this moment that Nick and he had so obviously earned.
No, this was novel and pleasant, Nick's gentle exploration testing new directions and pathways across Rav's skin in time with the music. His fingers danced over Rav's neck, releasing long-held tension there as though Rav's muscles were stubborn buttons that had finally gotten pressed, then travelled forward toward Rav's chest. As Nick's fingers searched for the line where bone become muscle and pressed, Rav saw a ribbon of black unfold in his mind's eye, suddenly becoming taut as though pulled from both sides. And, inside the ribbon, a slew of memories came flooding back, memories Rav hadn't thought about in a long while.
Flashes of his father speaking loudly to his sister as they argued, staring at the back of a long pew inside a courtroom, hours spent entertaining himself in the back room of office buildings with cardboard cutouts.
Rav inhaled quickly, surprised by the sudden vividness of the images, and nearly scrambled back to sitting up, but the second he tensed his muscles, he remembered where he was and settled back into the moment again, listening to the lull of the meditative tones wafting off Nick's phone.
Rav was an adult now, his father was nowhere to be found, and he was fully in control of his own body. He was safe.
But, at the same time, Nick had definitely noticed the tension--Rav was sure of it. He didn't want Nick to think it was his fault.
"That feels... phenomenal," Rav said, pouring his gratitude into his voice, "and apparently it's bringing up some old memories in me. I think they've quieted now, though. I'm okay."
Taking some long, deep breaths, Rav started to believe what he had said. They were going to be all right--Rav wasn't going to shut down again. He was here, he was present in his body, and he was potently committed to enjoying this moment that Nick and he had so obviously earned.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Nick felt giddy and satisfied with the way that Rav's neck welcomed his fingers, and warm excitement and anticipation swirled in his stomach as he began to explore the man's chest. But all at once Rav inhaled quickly, his muscles tensing, and Nick backed off, unsure what to make of the man's response. Rav was quiet for a moment, and Nick was quiet, too, shyly shifting his hands to a place on Rav's shoulders that had seemed comfortable and safe before, all the moreso now that Nick's fingers were simply resting, his attention zoomed out from tactile exploration to pay attention to Rav's breathing, his whole-body posture and tension, not just where Nick touched.
It seemed like whatever had tensed Rav up had passed quickly, the man's body relaxing again as they both listened to the music quietly together. Nick certainly felt a little nervousness in his stomach where there had been excitement--had he gotten too bold?--but, he could be content here, certainly for some time.
"That feels... phenomenal," Rav finally spoke, and Nick felt tiny chills dancing over his scalp at the sound, relieved by the feedback. "And apparently it's bringing up some old memories in me. I think they've quieted now, though. I'm okay."
Nick nodded, though of course Rav couldn't see him. Rav breathed deep and slow, and Nick paid attention to his own breathing, too. He got curious about matching Rav's pace, but the nervousness in his own body kept him inhaling a little sooner than Rav, exhaling a little more eagerly. So, he shifted his curiosity to his nervousness--a bubbly little fidgeting in his chest--and then he realized that he was feeling vigilant about keeping his fingers still. He considered exploring again, but there was also a tug in his throat, and he contemplated what he might want to say.
"Is... there anything you want to share about what came up? Or..." he felt a small jolt of panic tighten his chest--he didn't want Rav to feel pressured to share anything--but, he was nervous that he'd keep being nervous without understanding more. Nick took a deep breath, deeper than he'd quite been able to take when he was breathing with Rav before, and he exhaled with some relief. "I guess I'm feeling nervous now."
His fingers finally drummed just subtly and briefly on Rav's shoulders, and Nick chewed for a breath on his cheek and then asked, "Are you still happy in this position? With... my hands on you like this?" He almost left it there, but he still felt that nervous vigilance--something would still feel uncomfortable even if Rav said yes--and so Nick resolved to risk doing something that might tip the answer to 'no', and he let his fingers get curious again, squeezing gently at Rav's shoulder muscles to get a better feel for where they were actually at, and how they resonded to a deeper touch after whatever they'd run into a few moments before. Tentatively, Nick's voice added one more qualifier to his question, to pull it into alignment with what he actually wanted, now that he himself understood what that was. "... Exploring?"
It seemed like whatever had tensed Rav up had passed quickly, the man's body relaxing again as they both listened to the music quietly together. Nick certainly felt a little nervousness in his stomach where there had been excitement--had he gotten too bold?--but, he could be content here, certainly for some time.
"That feels... phenomenal," Rav finally spoke, and Nick felt tiny chills dancing over his scalp at the sound, relieved by the feedback. "And apparently it's bringing up some old memories in me. I think they've quieted now, though. I'm okay."
Nick nodded, though of course Rav couldn't see him. Rav breathed deep and slow, and Nick paid attention to his own breathing, too. He got curious about matching Rav's pace, but the nervousness in his own body kept him inhaling a little sooner than Rav, exhaling a little more eagerly. So, he shifted his curiosity to his nervousness--a bubbly little fidgeting in his chest--and then he realized that he was feeling vigilant about keeping his fingers still. He considered exploring again, but there was also a tug in his throat, and he contemplated what he might want to say.
"Is... there anything you want to share about what came up? Or..." he felt a small jolt of panic tighten his chest--he didn't want Rav to feel pressured to share anything--but, he was nervous that he'd keep being nervous without understanding more. Nick took a deep breath, deeper than he'd quite been able to take when he was breathing with Rav before, and he exhaled with some relief. "I guess I'm feeling nervous now."
His fingers finally drummed just subtly and briefly on Rav's shoulders, and Nick chewed for a breath on his cheek and then asked, "Are you still happy in this position? With... my hands on you like this?" He almost left it there, but he still felt that nervous vigilance--something would still feel uncomfortable even if Rav said yes--and so Nick resolved to risk doing something that might tip the answer to 'no', and he let his fingers get curious again, squeezing gently at Rav's shoulder muscles to get a better feel for where they were actually at, and how they resonded to a deeper touch after whatever they'd run into a few moments before. Tentatively, Nick's voice added one more qualifier to his question, to pull it into alignment with what he actually wanted, now that he himself understood what that was. "... Exploring?"
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Rav felt Nick shift slightly behind him, maybe to move his head, and he tried very hard not to tense up again as he waited for Nick's response. Maybe he wanted Nick to believe him a little too much. Maybe Rav wanted to believe it himself. He kept breathing slowly, and that helped him regulate himself. He felt Nick doing the same, and though Nick was breathing a little more shallowly, there was comfort in the steady rise and fall of Nick's chest against Rav's head.
"Is... there anything you want to share about what came up? Or..." Rav contemplated telling Nick about one of any of the painful memories that had come up, but the thought soured on his tongue as he considered how much emotional processing he had already done with Nick tonight. He wasn't really ready to do more, and it hardly felt appropriate on their first true date.
Nick took a deep breath, moving them both and said, "I guess I'm feeling nervous now." Rav's chest deflated a bit, and he closed his eyes. Had things already gone south again? But Nick's fingers lightly drummed a pattern against Rav's shoulders, and Rav thought he felt some life in them yet. Maybe this didn't have to end things.
"Are you still happy with this position?" Nick asked before Rav could get a read on the situation enough to respond. "With... my hands on you like this? ...exploring?" The impulse to press Nick's hands down onto his shoulders flared in his belly, but he brushed it aside. But then, as though to remind Rav of what had been happening before, Nick squeezed and then squeezed deeper, causing an abrupt and pleasurable jolt through Rav as his body slackened. He let out an uncontrollable sound that was almost completely to a moan before he managed to close his mouth to allow it to complete as a hum.
Rav's vision darkened and was watery at the edges when he managed to open his eyes again. He knew he needed to say something. "Please... don't stop," Rav managed, his voice choked with emotion. If they could just move over this bump together and let Rav be in whatever state he was in without needing to talk it through right away, it would give him tremendous comfort.
Without thinking, the hand on Nick's leg gripped a little tighter and began massaging there as well, imagining working the knots in his own stomach and throat through as though they were there in Nick's thigh. Rav's breath was quicker and a little more labored now, his exhales little huffs as his chest fell.
"Please," Rav whispered, closing his eyes.
"Is... there anything you want to share about what came up? Or..." Rav contemplated telling Nick about one of any of the painful memories that had come up, but the thought soured on his tongue as he considered how much emotional processing he had already done with Nick tonight. He wasn't really ready to do more, and it hardly felt appropriate on their first true date.
Nick took a deep breath, moving them both and said, "I guess I'm feeling nervous now." Rav's chest deflated a bit, and he closed his eyes. Had things already gone south again? But Nick's fingers lightly drummed a pattern against Rav's shoulders, and Rav thought he felt some life in them yet. Maybe this didn't have to end things.
"Are you still happy with this position?" Nick asked before Rav could get a read on the situation enough to respond. "With... my hands on you like this? ...exploring?" The impulse to press Nick's hands down onto his shoulders flared in his belly, but he brushed it aside. But then, as though to remind Rav of what had been happening before, Nick squeezed and then squeezed deeper, causing an abrupt and pleasurable jolt through Rav as his body slackened. He let out an uncontrollable sound that was almost completely to a moan before he managed to close his mouth to allow it to complete as a hum.
Rav's vision darkened and was watery at the edges when he managed to open his eyes again. He knew he needed to say something. "Please... don't stop," Rav managed, his voice choked with emotion. If they could just move over this bump together and let Rav be in whatever state he was in without needing to talk it through right away, it would give him tremendous comfort.
Without thinking, the hand on Nick's leg gripped a little tighter and began massaging there as well, imagining working the knots in his own stomach and throat through as though they were there in Nick's thigh. Rav's breath was quicker and a little more labored now, his exhales little huffs as his chest fell.
"Please," Rav whispered, closing his eyes.