Written Wonderland

Blake closed her eyes, letting the respect Mizu voiced for the mourning soothe and calm her. She couldn't help a grimace when the commander mentioned Captain Rutliff, though. She didn't really care what his intentions were regarding any of this; they were obviously vulgar, no matter how he tried to couch them. Still, it wasn't especially worth bickering with Mizu about.

Instead, Blake turned over where to go from here. Her first thought was to ask what Mizu needed from her in the meantime, but her mind moved on to imagining what that would even be. She brought her gaze back up to Mizu, her expression utterly neutral.

"Does Captain Miller know?"

Mizu regretted mentioning Evan the second his name was out of her mouth. Still, she thought it was important information for Blake to have, even if the commander hadn't been able to stop from mentioning who was planning it.

She quickly pulled out of her own thoughts when Blake asked her next question, however.

"Yes, he was one of the first to know. I'm aware that he's uncomfortable with the situation. He told me none of his men would be volunteering, which I am respecting. And I do not expect him to attend the ceremony tomorrow evening." She thought about telling Blake that Miller had threatened to leave, but it's possible that Blake already knew. And if she didn't, Mizu didn't want to worry Blake more than she already was.

She also thought about mentioning that Captain Miller was in the strategy tent when the goddess first walked in, but she thought better of it. Now, that would make Blake uncomfortable.

Blake's eyebrows drew together when Mizu said she did not expect Joseph to attend the ceremony. Twists of envy, disapproval, and concern tightened her stomach and her chest. She had been letting Miller make his objections--it certainly helped that Blake agreed with them, for the most part--but now that the commander's mind was made, it seemed horribly disrespectful to stand apart from it. She had half a mind to go inform Miller that he would be attending the ceremony, and to make whatever moral arguments she needed with him to that end, but she refocused on her commander before her. Mizu didn't necessarily want total loyalty, in this sense--something Blake had had difficulty wrapping her mind around, but was certainly closer to understanding than she'd been when this war began. The captain focused her gaze on Mizu rather seriously.

"Are you sure it's wise to... " She shook her head briefly before reforming her question. "That is to say... if Miller doesn't attend, that will be a very visible statement--to the... goddess, to the camp, and to everyone who hears about this moment in history. Are you sure that's all right with you?"

The captain kept her tone neutral, reminding herself very consciously throughout her query that there was no correct answer for Mizu to give to it. If Blake were commander, she would consider it a nightmare to have to deal with that kind of visible dissent. But she wasn't commander, and for good reason. She wanted to believe that Mizu knew full well what she was doing here, or at least, wouldn't regret it when the consequences hit down the road, whatever they'd end up being.

The commander raised her eyebrows a quarter of an inch as Blake began speaking. It wasn't like Captain Bronwen to question one of Mizu's decisions, so when she did, it certainly gave the commander pause. And, the commander worried that Blake had a point. This ceremony, this spectacle, was going to send a very visible message to the camp, to the country, to memory of their involvement with the goddess. And, with Ponderance attending in full view, it would be nice to have all the captains present, the way they would be once they served as council to the young king.

It would be a celebration of a future to come as well as a send off.

And, yet, the thought of requiring Captain Miller to attend curdled Mizu's stomach. If Captain Kade's suggestions of offerings for Evan were any indication, there would certainly be elements of the ceremony that would make Captain Miller uncomfortable. Sure, on some level, Mizu believed it might do the man good to have to face his discomfort in this arena, but she didn't want that to happen at the cost of his trust.

No, the ceremony was about the volunteers, not the captains, and Mizu was willing to risk whatever narratives might circulate about Miller's absence. If none of his people volunteered, then there really was not any reason for him to be there. Although, now that Mizu thought about it, it was possible that Blake simply wanted someone there who would be as uncomfortable with the situation as she was. It was impossible to know what her exact motive was, but the commander could not help but turn her gaze on the captain, searching.

"The ceremony will honor the people who have chosen to go to the goddess to serve our cause; it's not about the people staying behind. Captain Miller is, of course, welcome, but I will not force him to attend, the same way I will not force anyone to go to the goddess, not even to secure an alliance with the Shel'ti."

There was, however, another piece of information that the commander needed to tell Blake, and now seemed as good a time as any to get it out of the way. The commander looked to one corner of the tent as she said, "Captain Miller knows about the volunteers, but he doesn't know about the ceremony yet." It would be one thing if Mizu outright required Miller's attendance, but it would entirely be another if Blake took the situation into her own hands. Mizu was confident enough that Blake would not stray far from Mizu's decision, whatever she did.

Blake's eyes studied her tea while Mizu explained the purpose of the ceremony, trying to understand. It felt deeply contradictory to her, that the soldiers sacrificing themselves could be honored if not all captains were to attend. It felt... destabilizing, to allow all these different sentiments about the goddess to coincide. But, then again, much of this war had felt destabilizing--was, deeply, destabilizing. That was really the whole point of a rebellion. It still made the captain's stomach turn over, but she was trying to accept it.

She was surprised, then, when Mizu went on to say that Miller didn't know about the ceremony yet. Blake raised her gaze to Mizu, blinking a few times while she processed what all that meant.

"May I tell him, Commander? Or be there when you do?" It was an earnest ask--Blake was never much for duplicity. There was a slight bit of nervousness to it, though, which she explained quickly: "I would like him to know that I plan to attend, and why."

Mizu found herself surprised that Blake outright asked to tell Miller, but after Blake provided some explanation, the commander understood. It was about dignity and appearances, and Mizu could appreciate that. And, on some level, she had been hoping that Blake might do just that. She could not help feeling anxious about going herself to another visit with Miller; it would probably go over much better with Blake. And, if Blake had grievances about what was going on, perhaps airing them with Miller wouldn't be such a terrible thing. Sure, there was a slight concern that the two of them might conspire against her in some capacity, but of all her captains, Mizu considered Blake and Joseph the two captains least likely to do initiate such a thing.

Don't underestimate them, the commander reminded herself.

"Rutliff will be back with a report from the woman in the woods any minute now, so if you would speak with Captain Miller, I would deeply appreciate it." The commander nodded once toward her captain, intending to indicate gratitude and respect. With a very small smile, Mizu added, "It's impressive, the amount of coordination a rebellion demands."

Captain Miller was doing everything he could to keep the goddess off his mind and was proving to be relatively successful. Soldiers seemed to quiet their conversations whenever he approached, and Joseph decided not to read much into it. Really, he believed he'd rather not know. It was, though, under his skin, getting to him, and he felt the need on several occasions throughout the day to return to his tent to pray. He lamented that there was not a proper place of worship anywhere near where they had camped. Perhaps he could put something of a prayer group together; heavens above, they would need it, working with the demon queen. He shivered, trying very hard to keep her name from his mind. It was blasphemy, even in his thoughts.

Some part of his mind started to wonder, though... if the king hated the demon queen, and the commander--and even Joseph himself--had determined that the king was in the wrong, then did that make the demon queen... good? No, no, there were more reasons that the king's opinion of her to be uncomfortable. She was... she...

No, he wasn't going to think about it. He wasn't going to think about it.

Having just finished at the mess tent--after he was confident that Captain Rutliff and his entourage were nowhere near the place--Joseph started heading to his tent for another bout of prayer before he tried again to make himself--and his troops--useful.