Written Wonderland

Chloe looked at Philip with concern and pensiveness. She wanted to know why he'd decided to come, but she wondered if he'd be able to tell her, or if he even knew. She could only pray he wasn't going for the wrong reasons, especially when she wasn’t even sure if she was going for the right reasons, herself.

When Lance said something about the soldiers who had already been with the goddess, Chloe’s first impulse was to protect Nathan and Philip from pestering inquiries. But, Lance was also right when he'd said that they were each volunteers in their own right; Chloe wasn't going to the goddess as Nathan or Philip's protector, nor even exactly as Nathan’s friend, though she hoped that friendship would endure the adventure. She supposed that remained to be seen, though; her heart still ached knowing that he would have gone back without her.

She realized then that Gavin was trying gently to get her and Nathan's attention. Nathan kind of hid behind Chloe, subtly, which she had mixed feelings about, but she nodded softly to Gavin, inviting him to come over. Ultimately, she'd rather bond with other volunteers than not, so if Gavin wanted to come say hi or ask questions or whatever he had on his mind, it seemed likely to be worth it. She tossed one last glance over to Philip while Gavin approached, and noted that Novelty was still in awfully close proximity to him, and had been for most of the proceedings.

Then, to her surprise, Novelty spoke up, calling everyone’s attention to him before any in the crowd fully dispersed. She was intrigued to hear that someone had spoken to a priestess of Dehaljadrun--that was excellent news, where she was concerned--but her cheeks warmed a little at the thought of going to the goddess naked but for flowers. It sounded beautiful, and she might have liked the idea, but her stomach turned over to think of all the other eyes that would be watching. No repeats anyway, though--perhaps she could come up with something that felt both beautiful and elevated to her, regardless of who leered.

In any case, Chloe returned her attention to Gavin and gave him a warm smile. Truthfully, she was feeling awfully glad to be sought out, even if she recognized that the soldier might be coming more for Nathan than herself.

((OOC: Chris is probably stomping off now, and Nick is probably lingering a little awkwardly. He might end up approaching Gavin and Chloe and Nathan in a sec. Philip is I think still dissociating pretty bad.))

Trevor listened to Novelty talk, at first hopeful that the soldier was going to offer some guidance toward what their gifts for the goddess should be, but then Novelty was talking about nudity and flowers in front of the whole camp, and Trevor couldn't help but look a little mortified for a moment.

That wasn't at all the goddess Trevor thought he knew. No, he was certain that he could do better for her. He would do better for her.

Shaking his head, he walked off to think about it.

--

Novelty found himself holding his breath after his pronouncement, hoping to get some kind of thanks at least, but many of the soldiers were walking away, and he only got one nod of understanding from Ramanujan before it seemed like the only people standing around were a small cluster around Chloe and Nathan, and they weren't paying Novelty much mind.

Disappointed and a little ashamed that he had gone and spoiled the surprise for little value, Novelty took a deep breath and turned toward Philip. The lieutenant's glassy stare pulled at Novelty's heartstrings. Would it even be possible to get Philip away from all this?

Putting himself in Philip's line of sight, Novelty looked hard into the lieutenant's eyes, hoping to get some kind of recognition. "Philip?" Novelty said gently. "Philip, it's over for now. Can I walk you back to your tent?"

He didn't want to have to touch Philip, but he also didn't want Philip to stay here. Novelty imagined he must feel so exposed.

((OOC: If Philip doesn't respond, Novelty will gently touch one of Philip's hands with his fingertips to try to get a response. If there's still no response, Novelty might start to think that it's his fault Philip dissociated and might try to leave or otherwise give him some space.))

--

Gavin was happy that Chloe noticed him and seemed excited to have Gavin in their small group. After Chris, Ramanujan, Lance, and Trevor all began to leave, with the glossy-eyed lieutenant and the flower boy hanging on but preoccupied with each other, it was only the three of them and the soldier named Nick left. Seeing that Nick didn't exactly want to leave, Gavin felt a pull in his chest; Gavin certainly wouldn't want to be left out of a group this way.

So, taking a deep breath and pushing through his own fear of initiating, Gavin said, loud enough for Nick to also hear, "Do you all play... cards?"

Nick's heart was still fluttering, his mind still swirling through the red-purple mists and shimmers of the portal in Rutliff's tent. He was grateful he'd gotten a close-up view, though he felt selfish for having taken it. And he couldn't believe that one of the other volunteers had had the audacity to jump through. Nick's legs felt weak when he wondered whether the goddess would be angry at Raccoon, or whether she might in fact appreciate them more for their sureness. Nick was sure in concept, but if it had truly come down to filing through that portal in Evan's tent tonight, he may have hesitated. Not for any compunctions in his heart, but for simple fear of the unknown slowing his body.

It took him a moment to process what Novelty had said, though as the vision of the soldier naked save flowers coalesced in his mind, Nick was able to pull himself more into the present moment, his soft face blushing slightly as his eyes focused on Novelty with a shy nod of gratitude, though he wasn't sure that Novelty saw before turning his attention to Philip.

Feeling a little embarrassed about his uncertainty, Nick looked looked around to the others, and realized that many had disbursed. He saw Gavin glance towards him, and felt a nervous flutter in his chest. He wanted to stay with other volunteers and talk with them, but was afraid now that other volunteers didn't really want to talk. He felt scared that there was so much distance between them all, but tried to assure himself that they had time. As long as they all cooperated with the ceremony tomorrow, that alone would engender something, and even if they were still strangers when they went to the goddess' realm, surely they would take comfort in each other once they were in a strange place with no other allies to speak of. Gods, Nick hoped so. He would still go to the goddess even if he were utterly alone, but he would much rather have friends there, he was realizing. After all, that was among the things he grieved most about going, was leaving friends behind; it would be of some comfort to be gaining new friends in their stead, at least.

Gavin spoke up, in a way that made Nick's body feel warm--he felt sure that the soldier was purposefully including him. He asked about playing cards, and for half a moment Nick was a little confused, but then he smiled and lightly jogged up to the group, praying he wasn't being presumptuous.

"I love playing cards." he said hopefully.

The girl smiled to him warmly, which put him at ease considerably. The shy boy who hung back nodded tentatively, and stepped forward to be more a part of the circle the four of them now made.

"Sure," Chloe said with a light shrug, her expression amused for a moment. It sobered a little though, as her eyes looked over to the Lieutenant. Nick couldn't help following her gaze curiously. He supposed, Chloe and Nathan and Lieutenant Pemberley were all from Bronwen's camp, so perhaps they knew each other. Nick was a little envious of that, but, then again, it seemed like there was some tension in the air between them.

"You might have to teach me," Nathan spoke up timidly, either oblivious to or ignoring Chloe's distraction.

---

Philip startled a little when someone said his name close to him--Novelty, trying to catch his gaze. Philip thought of the soldier kissing him before and blushed a little, his eyes trailing to the side with embarrassment. Novelty said something else, but it didn't make any sense to him. He was just so jumbled. He'd only caught a glimpse of the portal in Evan's tent tonight, but he remembered Evan coming through it a few nights ago, and he remembered the goddess kissing him and licking and shocking his body, before ordering him to hold Evan down. He felt ashamed by how much he liked those memories, even as fear permeated them of what would follow.

He felt someone touch his hand again, and like before, he gasped softly and stepped away as a reflex. It got his eyes to refocus on Novelty again, though, and he hoped that the regret he felt showed on his face. This soldier was trying to reach out to him, even after he'd told him he'd done something terrible, and he was flinching away.

"Yes," he said without thinking, not even knowing why he'd said it. Novelty had asked him something, he supposed. To go back to his tent? No, that was more forward than it had sounded. To walk him to his tent. Yes, that was it. The lieutenant nodded, feeling a little more grounded. "Yes, you may walk with me," he added, eager to assure Novelty that he knew what he was doing, even if he still felt somewhat scattered.

He watched Novelty for a moment, trying to grasp the other soldier's state. Was he annoyed with Philip? Confused? Finding him ridiculous? He wasn't just offering to walk with Philip how of pity, was he? Then again, what was Philip hoping it was? For another kiss?

Philip blushed again, and then turned to start walking, now eager to not face Novelty directly, in case too much of his fluster shone.

((OOC: I guess, maybe it'd make sense to make a new thread for Novelty and Philip at this point, and let Nick/Gavin/Chloe/Nathan keep going in this one?))

Gavin wasn't at all sure he was prepared to start leading the group in whatever was about to happen next, but at the same time, they all had a lot to talk about. And cards weren't that hard to set up. In fact, Gavin still had one of the decks of cards in his pocket from earlier. Maybe they could just go to the mess tent and talk with some small amount of privacy? Maybe not, though. That might attract too much attention.

Pulling the deck of cards from his army-issue pants, Gavin asked shyly, "How do you feel about playing down by the river?" nodding in that direction.

((OOC: If everyone agrees, Gavin will start heading that direction and deal out the cards. May as well keep it to a Tichu-esque game again?))

((OOC: Sounds good! We can probably hand-wave a lot of explaining whatever to Nathan.))

Chloe nodded to Gavin, and then looked curiously to Nick and then Nathan, ensuring she understood both of their levels of comfort--or at least had some intuitive sense about them--before starting to walk that direction. She and Gavin ended up more or less in step with each other, with Nick and Nathan just behind.

"Thanks for asking," Chloe said to Gavin as they walked. "Clearly, we were all feeling a little shy." She was feeling herself lighten, though, which she was grateful for. She gave Gavin a more playful smile, hoping that'd share at least a little bit of her lightness.

"It was definitely heavy back there." she added, realizing that she wanted to acknowledge where they'd just come from.

Nick felt nervous, still struggling against feeling like he might be intruding on things, but he looked to Nathan as they all started walking, and the boy smiled to him--timidly, but warmly enough that Nick felt welcome, which was of much relief.

Nick listened to Chloe as she spoke and he loosened further, recognizing that, probably, Gavin and Chloe were also feeling shy and uncertain, but were pushing through. He was grateful, and contemplated how he might chip in, but maybe for now, simply keeping Nathan company was useful. He was curious what all the soldier must have been through, and whether he'd be willing to share any of it. Probably not right out of the gate. But, cards seemed like a good way to start getting to know each other, and Nick was very glad that Gavin had had that idea.

Gavin was grateful when Chloe was the first one to talk after they started toward the river.

Reflexively, he said, "yeah," in response to what she had said, but then he didn't feel like he should just leave it at that. She had put herself out on a limb after all.

"I kinda can't believe everything with Raccoon," Gavin said, but then dryly chuckled, "then again, maybe I can." Damn, Raccoon was going to catch so much hell.

Gavin was urged toward asking questions about why each of the others had decided to go--he had a special interest in Chloe's reasoning--but every time he thought of something to ask, the words got all tied up in his throat, so ultimately, he gave in and opted for silence.

"Yeah," Chloe responded, similarly reflexively. She still didn't know what to make of that, and it seemed kind of unreal.

"They just ran straight in," Nick piped up, excited that he felt like he had something to contribute here. "It was kind of impressive. I was a little overwhelmed, looking at that portal... I'm kind of grateful we didn't actually have to go through tonight. I hope they'll be okay."

Chloe debated very briefly how somber to be about Raccoon's fate, and ultimately opted for lightheartedness; it seemed to her like what they all needed at the moment, provided it didn't get detached from the reality of things. She felt confident she could walk that line. To that end, she allowed herself a giggle before she shared her next thought, her deep blue eyes lighting up.

"Maybe they'll be able to give us a tour once we get there."

But, then, she realized she'd mostly counted her intuition on Gavin and Nick in that reply, and suddenly worried that she'd failed to consider Nathan. She looked over her shoulder to him, curious how he was doing.

Nathan as really, really grateful that other people were talking. That they were all going to go play cards. It was really surreal to think that, this time tomorrow he supposed, he'd be back with the goddess--but that, they'd all be. And with what Ramanujan had said--about them not being shadows there... in some ways, that made Nathan more nervous, but maybe it meant good things for Raccoon, if they could do more or less as they pleased.

He smiled faintly when Chloe looked at him, a little embarrassed to be fussed over. His stomach tightened a little as he wanted to shoo Chloe's attention away, somehow assure her that he'd rather she just do whatever she was going to do with Gavin and Nick and just let him tag along without worrying. But, then he had another thought, which felt a bit scary, but...with a big breath, he risked it.

"I guess... I'll be able to show you guys around, a little bit." His smile widened crookedly, nervousness still plain on his face, hopefulness, too. He was realizing, he really, really liked the idea of having friends in the goddess' realm, even if it felt beyond his comprehension how all the things that seemed to lay in store were going to coexist. Would they... play cards, in the goddess' realm? Would they even want to? Gods, it sounded so surreal, but there was a spark of amusement to it, and ultimately he found himself smiling wider, a soft laugh bubbling up from within him.

Gavin listened to Nick talk about watching Raccoon launch toward the portal and was grateful that Gavin had felt the need to include him. The soldier smiled after Chloe said that Raccoon might give them a tour. What an idea.

And then Nathan piped up, which thoroughly surprised Gavin, so much so that he turned around to look at the small soldier and gaped a little, nearly sidestepping into a tree in the process. He recovered with a little blush and realized they were probably close enough to the river to settle in. Looking around the bank a little, Gavin picked the flattest spot near some rocks and stumps and sat down on what he felt was the second best of the stumps. It was a little lumpy in the middle, but it would do.

After they were seated, Gavin started dealing the cards, daring one question toward Nathan, since he had wanted to join the conversation. "So... what's the first thing you would show us?"

Chloe was elated that Nathan chimed in, and her whole countenance showed it; she practically beamed with joy. Nathan couldn't help noticing that, and his cheeks blushed pretty deeply, but he smiled to her, albeit crookedly.

Nick felt a great deal of excitement tumbling around in his stomach, which ultimately just manifested in biting his lip, and then a small little skip as they all gathered into a circle on the river bank and took their seats.

Nathan watched Gavin start to deal out the cards with wide eyes, preparing to start taking in rules. He was totally thrown off, then, when Gavin asked what Nathan would show them in the goddess' realm. His face went bright red, and he just kept his gaze on the cards, his dark blue eyes even wider now.

"U-um, well... there's a palace." he managed after a moment, but found it difficult to elaborate without pausing to listen for reactions.

Nick just kept biting down on his lip as he watched Nathan, thrilled to have the opportunity to hear details like this from someone who had already been. It was clear that Nathan was rather overwhelmed with his own feelings, though, and Nick hoped the boy wouldn't push himself. He didn't seem upset to have been asked the question, though. Maybe... after letting a moment of silence stand, he gently pressed, hoping Nathan would appreciate the prompt and not feel pressured.

"What's it like?"

Nathan hummed softly--or maybe it was a whimper, but if it was, it was oddly serene. The boy closed his eyes and rubbed at his legs. Chloe watched with some concern, but overall looked patient and content.

"There's, um, a lot of pillows." Nathan said with an airy, awkward laugh. "And..." he let his eyes open, but not before lifting his head so that he'd gaze up at the sky. "It opens up into a big meadow in the forest." he shivered, remembering the time the goddess had roared at him as a dragon in that meadow, before flying away with him in her claws. The boy hugged his knees to his chest, then, and buried his face in them while he exhaled deeply, trying to get his suddenly-tensed-up body to relax.

Chloe debated whether she should comfort him with touch--or, whether touch would be comforting, she supposed. Before Nathan's experience with the goddess, she might have rubbed his shoulder, but as things stood now, she held herself back from that, still unsure what all he had been through. She watched him with a small frown at that thought, doubt starting to creep into her chest.

Nathan recovered, though, resting his chin on his knees with a sheepish smile.

"Ah... it's all really intense." he said, his voice a bit wobbly with a tired laugh.

"Are you okay?" Chloe asked gently, and Nathan turned to her, smiling a bit more broadly.

"Yeah," he said. "I'm okay."

Gavin found himself eager to hear what the attacked soldier had to say, but as soon as he had asked the question, he felt a pang of anxiety that perhaps he was pushing too far. Were the roles reversed, Gavin himself would have been very uncomfortable with this line of questioning. However, it did seem like Nathan had invited it to some degree, so Gavin just gave the boy a sympathetic smile as Nathan pushed through his words.

Evan's soldier was grateful when Nick took a turn with the prodding next, relieving Gavin of his anxiety. Now it was Nick's fault if the lad shut down. And, Nathan did seem to draw into himself, both metaphorically and literally, but Gavin did the best to parse the information he offered in the meantime.

Pillows... and an opening facing a meadow and a forest... that sounded surprisingly pleasant, actually. There had to be more to it than that.

Watching Chloe ask if Nathan was okay, Gavin decided maybe it was time to focus on something else for a while. After a slight pause, he quietly started explaining the rules to the card game, prepared to play a round or two with face-up hands to help everyone out.

Once the game was going, however, and they had the rules sorted, Gavin couldn't help but nudge back toward the matter at hand. Maybe he could manage to do that without putting Nathan on the spot again.

Glancing up sheepishly at Chloe, Gavin said, "So... er... uh..." Come on, Gavin. Words aren't that difficult. The soldier squeezed his eyes shut. "Any thoughts about your offering?"