Written Wonderland

"I suppose they do," Fujiwara said, and he thought she sounded sad. Maybe this was far more benign and personal than Ramanujan had initially believed. Maybe she was coming to him for something like... what... advice?

Gods, if so, he was honored.

In the silence that followed, Fujiwara stopped and took a deep breath as she closed her eyes. He watched her closely, feeling a little like maybe he shouldn't, but ultimately, his curiosity got the better of him.

She placed her hands in the center of her chest and her lower abdomen, at first just looking like she was settling herself, but a flash of Dehaljadrun's memory tore into Ramanujan's mind at the sight. Yes, Dehaljadrun has also used this gesture many times.

The soldier studied the captain with more scrutiny, then, looking for... something. He couldn't exactly name it, but he needed some additional piece of evidence to be sure... Was she glowing? Was there a... a... sunlight sprouting from the top of her head? It was difficult to tell with all the dappled light around them, but then suddenly it grew brighter, emanating from her crown with a warmth that undeniably affected Ramanujan.

But, when the captain... no... no... this divine entity, dropped her hands and opened her eyes, they were sad, and she even offered a consolatory smile. The light faded away entirely.

"I didn't know who else to talk to," Fujiwara said, and Ramanujan felt like he might understand what she was after, finally. "I mentioned a realization, but the truth is... there is a lot I am trying to figure out." She paused, staring at the ground before bringing her gaze to him, and he felt bare in the light of it--metaphorical or no. "I don't mean to waste your time, but it's difficult to know how to talk about it."

Ramanujan stood, his mouth slightly agape.

"To be clear, I'd like to speak to you as a civilian--or rather, as peers--who have both had brushes with gods."

The man blinked a few times, and once more the memory of Rutliff saying Dehaljadrun's name to Fujiwara played through his mind, but this time, he felt Yukiko's discomfort come with it. He felt the ways she squirmed under the wrong name and knew for a sudden certainty that...

Ramanujan got down to one knee and put a fist over his chest. He was quiet for a moment as he stared at her feet, but after a moment of reverent silence, he said, still keeping his eyes low, "It seems you've had more than a brush, my lady." He wanted to use her name, but he was just uncertain enough about which she was to keep it from his lips. He stood again, then, recognizing that she was genuinely asking for a peer in that moment, and while he didn't feel worthy of that title, he would do his best to honor and support her. "I didn't expect to meet another so soon. I will happily tell you anything you wish to know."

Ansari was quiet for a moment, blinking and agape. Had she still dived in too quickly somehow? Had she lost him?

But then he got down on one knee before her, and her heart fluttered with excitement. She felt elevated, and not as a captain, though it seemed too good to be true. Had he already discerned where she was going? Was he really so enthusiastically ready to meet her there, with such warm acceptance?

"It seems you've had more than a brush, my lady," he said, and Yukiko smiled wide, practically beaming. She wasn't so sure about my lady, but it was certainly more accurate an address than the last time someone had elevated her in this way. Oh, gods, she hoped this elevation wasn't under similarly false pretenses.

He stood again, which was both relieving and disappointing all at once. It was more grounding, at least, keeping her from teetering on the edge she'd fallen off with Evan, even if she missed the warmth and light as she returned to the same level as the soldier.

"I didn't expect to meet another so soon," Ansari continued. "I will happily tell you anything you wish to know."

She smiled upon him with gratitude, though uncertainty still tugged at her chest.

"You seem so certain," she said, "while I've struggled to even entertain the idea... " She closed her fist over her chest, her eyes drifting briefly to the side before returning to him, her hand lowering to her side. "What gives you your confidence about my nature?"

Ramanujan was happy to see a somewhat more genuine smile on Fujiwara's lips when he looked at her, though it still seemed complicated.

"You seem so certain," she said, "while I've struggled to even entertain the idea... " The very human-like goddess in front of him closed her fist over her chest for a moment, and her eyes scanned to one side of him before he released the gesture and looked to him again. "What gives you your confidence about my nature?"

He smiled almost in embarrassment, realizing how all that must have looked from her perspective.

He found himself rather verbose in his explanations now that they had broken through their initial guardness.

"Just now, when you closed your eyes, you... you were glowing. Radiant," he said, daring to gaze directly at her. But he looked down for a moment afterward before returning to meet her gaze again.

"But, I had a suspicion before now. The goddess... Dehaljadrun... her gift to me... she gave me her memories. All of them. Knowing the whole of them would be... beyond me. I have flashes. I get impressions. But laying out the whole of it, the fabric of... of... whatever existence we find ourselves inside of... the map of it all... still eludes me. I wonder if she even knows."

It felt good to talk about all this aloud, but he was digressing. He attempted to get back to what was relevant.

"The goddess saw you and... Captain Rutliff together. Her jealousy was... incredibly distracting. I don't know if she knew what you were. She was... rather upset. But, seeing you now... it feels undeniable to me."

He raised his eyebrows, hoping that even a fraction of his rambling was useful to her.

"Are you... Am I correct in thinking... Horu?"

Ansari smiled almost in embarrassment, and Yukiko was in some ways relieved to be able to read his expression. The honesty in it warmed her, even as she felt called to reassure him--no, somehow, better than that, to inspire his own self-assurance, that he had nothing to be embarrassed about.

"Just now, when you closed your eyes," he replied before Yukiko could think of how to offer what she wanted to offer. "You... you were glowing. Radiant."

Oh, that made her happy. Somehow she hadn't imagined that the warmth and the light she had felt might have existed beyond her own experience. It was elating to have company in her warm, glowing reality. Though, she felt a flash of embarrassment herself as she wondered if he'd also glimpsed her jungle. Not that she was embarrassed of the jungle itself--it was beautiful--but she was embarrassed of herself, at having neglected it.

"But, I had a suspicion before now," Ansari continued, pulling Yukiko away from her jungle for now and back into this conversation. "The goddess... Dehaljadrun... her gift to me... she gave me her memories. All of them."

Yukiko's eyes widened with excitement at that. She'd spoken to the right person indeed, it seemed. Though he hedged as he went on, "Knowing the whole of them would be... beyond me. I have flashes. I get impressions. But laying out the whole of it, the fabric of... of... whatever existence we find ourselves inside of... the map of it all... still eludes me. I wonder if she even knows."

Interesting. Somehow it hadn't occurred to Yukiko til now to wonder whether Dehaljadrun knew about her before even meeting her? But, maybe no moreso than Yukiko herself knew about Horu... in concept, from a distance, no clue where the sun goddess truly resided.

"The goddess saw you and... Captain Rutliff together. Her jealousy was... incredibly distracting." Ansari added, and Yukiko's smile widened again, curled with some mixture of sheepishness and amusement, and she gently suppressed another soft "Mm" of a giggle. Big picture, how absurd it was for Dehaljadrun to have been jealous of that memory, when it so plainly illustrated the truth that Evan had been headed toward the goddess of desire all along.

"I don't know if she knew what you were. She was... rather upset. But, seeing you now... it feels undeniable to me."

Ansari looked at Yukiko squarely, his eyebrows raising with hope.

"Are you... Am I correct in thinking... Horu?"

Warmth splashed through Yukiko's body and she glowed, golden brilliance lighting the forest where they stood. Oh, the joy of being known. It faded quickly, though, as loneliness unexpectedly chilled her core. She'd thought that it was about the strangeness of her experience among the people she'd considered to be her peers, but there was something else, too.

"Yes," she said, "but I am not all of her."

Impulsively, she closed her eyes and tried to feel for what was missing. Was it just a matter of calling out? Perhaps she could be a beacon, and call what was missing to her? Were there other people like her in the world? Could she reach them? She glowed again, pulsing as she balled her hands into fists at her sides. A force emanated from her in a circle, like a great singular gust of wind, carrying with it the refreshing warmth of early summer.

The gust jostled Ramanujan, but not greatly. After its initial impact, the wind was content to break and pass by him, offering its warmth in exchange for something inscrutable it had gained from encountering him. The forest around them rippled, surprised but not altogether displeased.

Yukiko felt surprise and awe and uncertainty echo back to her from camp, and even faint glimmers of recognition, but no familiarity. She wasn't sure what she'd expected, but she felt terribly sad as she returned back into herself, still so very alone.

"I don't know what's missing," she said, her sorrow overcoming her smile.

((OOC: Soooooooo ummmmmm, idk how far that breeze will reach... it might go quiiiiiite a ways??? At minimum I think all of camp and Tehlunae experienced it. It might keep going, maybe indefinitely???

I think it would be easy for most people to dismiss it as just a random breeze, if unseasonably warm, if they were so inclined. More supernaturally-interested people would probably feel the breeze as a friendly, inquisitive presence passing through. To more religious folks it might feel some flavor of divine. People who specifically worship or resonate with Horu might recognize the breeze as a portent of Horu's presence, whether from the perspective of the actual experience of feeling Horu's nature in the breeze, or just knowing in Horu's mythology that she is often associated with an unseasonably warm breeze.

I think Yukiko only continued listening to the gust until it passed outside of camp/the priestess, so she may not feel echoes back from it past that, but IF there ARE other people in the world like Yukiko -- that is, other pieces of Horu in the human realm at present, or within the wind's reach anyway -- the breeze would carry with it the very exciting message that they are not alone. I suppose with Yukiko's response, I am officially deciding that Yukiko is the only piece of Horu among the army, which I think seems reasonable. She might be the only piece of Horu in the human realm at this time, but I guess it occurred to me with this post that it's *plausible* that she might not be.

Also, there's a reasonable chance that the breeze might make it all the way to Rhys, if he would like to experience/understand it.))

The radiance that burst forth from the goddess upon hearing her name outshone the sun, even if it only lasted a moment. Ramanujan wondered how much the camp could have seen. A flash, maybe? Nothing more strange than all the odd occurrences of the preceding days. No screams, at least. He doubted anyone would come to investigate.

"Yes," she said, "but I am not all of her."

But, he had guessed correctly, and her nature was undeniable to either of them now. It seemed a miracle she could keep such a brilliance under wraps for so long. How long had she known, exactly? And was the commander aware? Surely not. Ramanujan had heard the commander was staunchly practical and declined interest in matters of religion.

How could you, though, when evidence of its wonder stood before you, warming you even in the chill of fall?

Horu closed her eyes, and almost immediately, Ramanujan felt an immense gust of wind rush into him and past him, making him take a step back. The warmth was strange, cloying and persistent. It seemed to wrap about his arms in curiosity before it went out in all directions from where the two of them stood. Well, camp would definitely notice that. He wondered how far the wind would go and what it wanted.

He wondered if Horu simply wanted him to leave.

But, then she opened her eyes and said, "I don't know what's missing," and the sorrow in her voice tugged unpleasantly at Ramanujan's chest.

Ramanujan frowned in thought. Was the wind an attempt to find that out somehow? He didn't fully understand, but then again, he didn't need to. This was Horu.

The man had spent a number of years trying to understand the nature of the cosmos. It seemed like most people believed in a canon of twelve gods, though it could theoretically be more. Of those, Inora--the goddess of intuition, meditation, and solitude--certainly appealed to him, but her very nature made her seem... unapproachable. And Silv, god of war and strategy? Well, Ramanujan rather thought that he had spent enough time contemplating Silv, though the soldier wouldn't turn any divinity away.

Horu, though. Goddess of truth and light and creation and destruction. It was easy to want to earn her favor. And how different he expected that favor would be from the favor of the goddess of dreams.

Ramanujan wanted to help her, but understanding what was missing about her nature wasn't something he could easily put a finger on. A thousand possibilities swirled behind his eyes.

Maybe he should just start with what he did know. This partial embodiment of Horu did seem interested in that.

"The goddess' memories are... strange. There seems to be a large gap, especially beyond the last couple centuries. We... uh... humans... have revered the gods for much longer than that. And yet, there's a blankness. I don't feel as though..." Ramanujan paused, "...Dehaljadrun... was trying to keep anything from me. I think she is perhaps missing something as well."

Embarrassment hit Yukiko like a wave in the wake of her words. It seemed absurd to admit to what she didn't know--to showcase her sorrow and uncertainty--in the same conversation as claiming to be a god.

Granted, Ansari had been the one to offer her name. He'd seen her glow. Still, she couldn't help feeling like an impostor. Like the real Horu would be nothing but bright and confident and full of warmth and resolve. Yukiko felt anything but, in this moment.

"The goddess' memories are... strange," Ansari finally replied. Yukiko felt intrigue, and grabbed onto that with relief and excitement, sighing and straightening her posture as she looked at Ansari more directly.

"There seems to be a large gap," he continued, "especially beyond the last couple centuries. We... uh... humans... have revered the gods for much longer than that. And yet, there's a blankness. I don't feel as though..." he paused, "...Dehaljadrun... was trying to keep anything from me. I think she is perhaps missing something as well."

Yukiko felt a little bit bad for feeling relieved, but it was oddly comforting to know that another god was also... incomplete. It wasn't just her. Granted, she did seem comparatively more in shambles than at least the goddess of dreams seemed to be, at least by some measures.

"I don't have any memories beyond my mortal life," Yukiko said, looking down at her palms as though they were things to puzzle on. "Well--" she added abruptly, realizing that perhaps she misspoke. "I keep thinking of a place. A jungle. My… realm, maybe. Almost certainly.”

Her fist gently closed over her heart, an absent-minded gesture in response to the melancholy she felt. Then she sighed, returning her gaze to Ansari once more--this time, studying him in thought.

((OOC: Gonna take her a minute to figure out where she wants to take this next lol so pausing for Ramanujan to respond to her if he would like.))

"I don't have any memories beyond my mortal life," Yukiko said, looking down.

This disappointed Ramanujan some, and his face fell, showing it. To have one of the primary gods he respected feel so nascent, so fractured... It was discomfiting. But, then again, what higher honor would there be than aiding a god in returning to their power? Assuming Horu would allow him.

"Well--" Horu added abruptly, interrupting Ramanujan's silence. "I keep thinking of a place. A jungle. My… realm, maybe. Almost certainly.” His eyebrows rose at this as his looked on at her, wondering what such a thing would mean. The lore regarding the place where the gods reside was sparse, understandably. Little had been written down and what there was of it wildly contradicted itself. He suspected, at least before now, that no one actually knew anything.

Ramanujan looked up and to one side, his mouth tight in one corner as he attempted to consult Dehaljadrun's memories.

Did each god have their own realm? Did they... connect somehow?

But he couldn't make sense of the blurred images of places he didn't quite recognize, though most appeared to be somewhere in Dehaljadrun's realm, judging by the landscape.

Then, however, he was rewarded with an understanding. He stumbled over the words, though, uncertain how much of an affront it was to continue to mention one god in front of another. But, he reminded himself, Horu was also still Captain Fujiwara and had at least tolerated the idea of working with another goddess, so...

"In the memories I have... she seems to be almost inseparable from the land." He wasn't certain it was be helpful information, but we wanted to offer what he could. His eyebrows lifted in soft apology, though, as he felt the prickle of insecurity begin to crawl on the back of his neck.

"In the memories I have... she seems to be almost inseparable from the land," Ansari offered. His eyebrows lifted in soft apology, though. Perhaps worried he couldn't provide Yukiko--Horu--what she was looking for. Fair enough, really. What was she looking for?

Well, for one thing, Yukiko--Horu--plainly was separated from her land. No wonder she felt so adrift, untethered. But how was she to get back to it?

That wasn't really the most pressing issue right this moment though. Was it?

"I need to tell Miyamoto," she said, the acknowledgment on her tongue the same moment it entered her mind. That was next. It was time to stop masquerading as just another human captain, at least with the person who had taken on so much responsibility for this cause.

But, she didn't budge from where she stood. She refocused on Ansari, and a new angle suddenly came to mind.

"How are you... taking all of this? Meeting two gods in the span of a week." She offered him a playful smile, hoping it would bring with it a sense of ease and comfort.

Ramanujan watched Horu keenly, and her melancholy pained him. His eyebrows stayed lifted, in sympathy this time.

"I need to tell Miyamoto," Horu said, which was about the last thing Ramanujan thought she would say. He supposed it made sense, though. Maybe it was all right for him, a cadet, to keep some of the information he now had to himself, but Horu resided inside the body of a rebel army captain. Keeping something of this nature from the commander might well earn her some suspicion, at the very least. And how long had Horu known?

But, Horu didn't move. So, it wasn't exactly a dismissal, then. Ramanujan's face returned to neutral, and he lifted his head slightly, sensing that she was examining him.

"How are you... taking all of this? Meeting two gods in the span of a week?" She smiled as she said it, and there was such a tremendous warmth and kindness in that smile that something inside him, a hastily erected dam, collapsed in on itself until he was flooded with Dehaljadrun's memories as though she were right there, giving them to him all over again. All her longing. Her lonely imprisonment. Her love affair with the king and its dastardly consequences. The land, the incorporeality, the dreams, the demons, the...

It was too much, and Ramanujan lifted his hands up to press fingers into his temples, trying to staunch the deluge. He found he was breathing heavy and tried to slow his aching lungs while he stared at the ground. After a few moments, he was able to collect himself, though he could not quite look Horu in the eye.

"Excuse me... I... I am honored you sought me out. I have worshipped you diligently and will continue to worship you, Horu. But, it is sometimes too easy for me to forget that it's been such a short while since I returned from... her."

And all at once, he didn't want to go back to Dehaljadrun. Not when he knew that a piece of Horu walked among them and needed help.

Ramanujan looked up at Horu quizzically. He ran some quick calculations. Eleven people had volunteered to go to Dehaljadrun. Perhaps the soldier who ran into the portal still counted. If so, would Ramanujan be missed? Could anyone blame him for changing his mind? And is that really what he wanted?

"She is... beautiful. Undeniably divine. I would truly enjoy seeing her whole, but..." Ramanunjan looked down at the ground. "There's an edge to her that pains me, and to be honest, I'm no longer certain it is right for me to be at her side."

Whatever warmth Yukiko had managed to convey in her smile, she realized quickly that it was quite simply not enough. Ansari's expression collapsed like a dam giving way, his breathing heavy and eratic as his fingers pressed firmly against his temples, trying to calm the agony her well-meaning question had unleashed. She tried not to get lost in some kind of guilt or even self-loathing... mostly landing on a sense of weariness for now, at how often she seemed to incidentally break dams, so to speak.

"Excuse me..." Ansari answered once he'd collected himself a bit, though he was far from being able to look her in the eye. "I... I am honored you sought me out. I have worshipped you diligently and will continue to worship you, Horu. But, it is sometimes too easy for me to forget that it's been such a short while since I returned from... her."

Finally, he looked at her again, something quizzical in his expression. Curiosity teemed within her, and she felt a desire to coax more from him about that--to keep the proverbial river flowing, to hear poetry spill from his lips, the whirling emotions within him expressed with beauty. That would be worship, and she was hungry for it.

"She is... beautiful," Ansari said, and Horu began to subtly glow again. "Undeniably divine. I would truly enjoy seeing her whole, but... There's an edge to her that pains me, and to be honest, I'm no longer certain it is right for me to be at her side."

Yukiko became newly aware of her feet on the ground, of the gravity of Ansari's profession. She thought the glow might fade, but... no, at second glance, he spoke the truth, and it warmed her. It warmed Horu.

"You have worshipped me," she said, words again forming on her lips in the same instant that they formed in her mind. They caressed the air between them like a warm summer breeze, this one gentle and swaying, content. "Thank you."