Written Wonderland

Mizu watched as Yukiko played her chopsticks against her lips, reminding Mizu she hadn't eaten dinner yet.

"I mean..." Yukiko started, "I do, too? Sometimes? I don't think it's terribly strange. But, maybe you and I are just both anomolies." Hadn't Mizu used the same word talking to Serio? Maybe sex was just as individual as everyone practicing it.

"Hard to say. It's good that he's comfortable with it, though! I'm really glad to hear that you guys are well matched and navigating things well. But, so... what are you worried about, exactly?"

Mizu looked away for a moment, contemplating.

"Maybe I just want to talk about it. It's all trying to bubble up out of me all the time. It's been... really beautiful." The sound of Serio saying the word "otherworldly" came quickly to mind. "I might almost call it transcendent. And we haven't even... I mean, most of what we've done has been with clothes on. It's difficult not to try to compare it to something that feels... real," Mizu said, looking at her roommate with some curiosity.

"Maybe I just want to talk about it. It's all trying to bubble up out of me all the time. It's been... really beautiful. I might almost call it transcendent.

Yukiko nearly sighed and rested her cheek against her palm, her chopsticks forgotten for the time being in her half-eaten ramen. Golly, this sounded fantastic!

But then...

"And we haven't even... I mean, most of what we've done has been with clothes on. It's difficult not to try to compare it to something that feels... real."

And then Mizu looked at her with these puppydog eyes... well, maybe that was projecting, but dang! The first reply to come to mind was What does real even mean?? but she worried that would come off rather harshly. She sighed more fully this time, and chewed briefly on her cheek while she thought of something a little more Mizu-flavored to say.

"Well... why does what you've done not feel real?"

It was tempting to elaborate, but she stopped herself--seemed better to let Mizu stew on that and come up with her own answers than to prattle off thoughts for the heck of it. To assist in keeping quiet for a moment, Yukiko picked her chopsticks back up and took another slurp of noodles, though her eyes blinked quite curiously at Mizu in the meantime.

"Well... why does what you've done not feel real?"

Yukiko went back to eating her noodles but still blinked up at Mizu.

"That's probably the wrong word," Mizu said quickly. "Physical would be more accurate. It feels like there's something more than that happening, and it almost makes what is physical completely irrelevant. Does that makes any sense?"

"It's just hard to trust later. Hard to believe, maybe."

Yukiko listened intently to Mizu, chewing thoroughly on both her noodles and Mizu's reply.

"Something, like... spiritual?" she finally asked, cautiously. They hadn't really broached the topic of spirituality yet, and it could be a dicey one with some people, but Yukiko couldn't figure out anything else that Mizu would be talking about.

"Something, like... spiritual?" Yukiko asked after long seconds of chewing her noodles.

Mizu had the urge to wince at the word, but her face remained neutral. Then again, what was it if not that? She thought about how it had felt to lay over and between Serio's legs, taking photos of their hands and fingers on his belt loops. Of what it felt like for their warm mouths to gasp and breathe together. Of the ways Serio had given her more pleasure when she had pinched his nipple harder. And the ebb and flow of it all.

She realized that she had been staring at the table, trying to come up with an answer for some time now. Looking up, she said, "I think it's more like art. In as much as those two things are different." After a moment, she added, "But more transient. It's not always something I can photograph."

Mizu allowed herself a slight smile thinking about the photos she had taken of Serio's hipbone.

"I think it's more like art," Mizu finally said after a painfully long and unreadable silence. "In as much as those two things are different."

Yukiko let out a soft, relieved little chuckle at that. "Yeah," she said, almost without realizing.

"But more transient," Mizu added. "It's not always something I can photograph."

"Hm." Yukiko set her cheek on her hand again, smiling wide. She liked this conversation quite a lot in this moment, but had no idea the proper way to express that. Just continuing to engage with it, she supposed.

"So, art, then. As opposed to..." Yukiko swirled her chopsticks a little in the air, absent-mindedly making something like a figure eight, or maybe an infinity sign. She was genuinely looking for a counterpoint, but realized only once she'd started searching that she wasn't sure where to find it. "Something more physical?"

Yukiko was doing something distracting with her chopsticks, swirling them in the air in front of herself.

"So, art, then. As opposed to..." Yukiko started, pausing a little, "...something more physical?"

That was what Mizu had said, right? Yes. She furrowed her brows a little, sitting back against her chair.

"Yeah, well, it's not something they tell you in health class," Mizu said, looking to one side instead of rolling her eyes. Softening after a pause, she said, "But I don't want it to stop."

Mizu teetered on the edge of exiting the conversation, feeling horribly exposed and worried about how this would affect Yukiko's interactions with Serio tomorrow, but she looked to her roommate, curious if Yukiko had more to say.

"Yeah, well, it's not something they tell you in health class," Mizu said, looking to one side. Yukiko frowned a little, worried that she'd let Mizu down with her last contribution. Well, fair enough, really.

"But," Mizu added, "I don't want it to stop."

"Yeah, I mean, I don't see any reason why it should," Yukiko offered reassuringly. "Is there something worrying you on that front?"

"Yeah, I mean, I don't see any reason why it should," Yukiko said, and Mizu relaxed a little, at least until Yukiko added, "Is there something worrying you on that front?"

Mizu stiffened, rolling the question around in her mind with furrowed brows. She covered her face for a moment, then brought her hands back down to the table. Why did she feel like she was about to cry?

A thousand things worried her. That Serio would get bored of all this. That Mizu would get too busy. That she initiated too much. That she might have been too pushy. That he might eventually get pushy. That he didn't want... what? Longevity?

It was too early to be thinking about that.

"It feels like every time I see him might be the last time I see him," Mizu finally said, her voice wavering uncharacteristically. "He says we'll 'definitely' do all that again, but I don't know how he can be sure. It feels... too good to be real." Mizu shook her head, trying to stop her eyes from watering.

"It feels like every time I see him might be the last time I see him," Mizu finally said, her voice wavering uncharacteristically. Yukiko's eyes bugged a little--she hadn't gotten much emotionality from Mizu yet, and she wasn't totally sure how Mizu would want to handle it. Or how she wanted to handle it, she supposed.

"He says we'll 'definitely' do all that again," Mizu continued, "but I don't know how he can be sure. It feels... too good to be real."

"Oh, hon..." Yukiko said instinctively, her voice soft. She discarded her chopsticks in her ramen again, and scooted her chair closer to Mizu, reaching out to offer both of her hands for Mizu to take, if she would be amenable. She didn't have much in the way of sage advice at the particular moment, but that didn't seem like what Mizu needed in the moment, anyway.