Written Wonderland

The chill air of the dark early morning greeted Mizu and pulled her the rest of the way from her thoughts. At first read, everything appeared normal--nothing out of place. There was no sense or indication of panic in the camp beyond her own unease. She began her lap around the tents, and still nothing seemed amiss. There were a smattering of soldiers still awake, and for their sakes, she tried to relax the tension in her posture, but it was rare that she would be on patrols this late in the evening, and there was discomfort in their faces.

Once she finished the lap and had returned to her tent, she contemplated doing another, more to shake off her own anxiety than for security, but Serio found her first. In hushed tones, they discussed the incident with the prince and the ceremony but didn't come to any clear conclusions. Until they had a report from Evan to determine who might have taken Ponderance--whether it was the king and his sorcerers or the goddess Dehaljadrun herself--they would continue preparing for the ceremony as though nothing were amiss. But if Evan did not return, there was no reason to assume the goddess was still on their side, whether that meant some kind of supernatural injury or complete betrayal.

Captain Kade did not at all make mention of Lance, for which the commander was grateful, but there had been a knowing look in his eyes.

She didn't want to believe that they had lost Evan, but as the early morning hours passed and it grew later, Mizu began to worry again. Some part of her even grew angry, wondering if Evan might stay with the goddess during the day after all.

But when Mizu heard Evan ask for permission to enter her tent, most of what she felt was relief.

When he walked in, however, fatigue plain in his features as he casually outstretched his arms at either side, Mizu blinked once, hard. He was wearing what looked like armor of some kind, black with a sheen of purple, clearly nothing that any human outfitter she had ever known could have crafted. It was at once majestic and revealing. Though thickly scaled jacket appeared sturdy, the tight pants, even with their scaled edges, left little of Evan's body to the imagination.

Mizu's thoughts shifted compulsively to the memory of Lance as he tried to cover himself with the blanket she had thrown at him--his embarrassment and confidence swirling across the still-visible curves of his skin.

Looking toward the ceiling of the tent, the commander begged nothing in particular for the patience and capacity she needed to make it through this conversation. She hadn't slept much if at all, and her composure was already slipping.

"I assume this means the goddess is well," Mizu said, her eyes managing to return stubbornly to Evan's face.

The commander was weary, that much rang through. She was also perhaps flustered by his appearance, though he wasn't altogether sure on that front. Still, his lips formed a brief sheepish smile. She looked away from him, up to the ceiling, and his expression shifted concerned, unsure what she was thinking or feeling. Always so difficult to read. That did make her apparent exhaustion all the more poignant, and worry rustled in his gut.

"I assume this means the goddess is well," she said after a moment, her eyes returning to Evan. He nodded, relaxing into a more usual posture, his presentation complete and his mindset returning to more that of a captain reporting in.

"Ponderance was correct that she was..."

Memories flashed through his mind of the goddess' faint form in the pool, of the terror that had gripped at him as her claws sank into him, the ravenous hunger in her eyes, her screech before she flew away. He looked far off for a brief moment, his lungs forgetting to breathe until he returned to the present, eyes refocusing on his commander as he took in a deep breath.

"Injured. The god the priestess mentioned was indeed to blame. But she is recovered, and has an olive branch to offer him."

Gods, but describing it all this way was bizarre and heartbreaking. Tears stung at his eyes--calling that demon, what they had done to her, an olive branch...guilt wrenched at his chest, and turmoil and confusion showed plain on his face. He couldn't help it. He was tired and frayed and barely holding it together, and memories of the demon, the dream she had come from, the images of himself and Philip that were inspired in her wake, the goddess' storm of emotion that followed...

Evan barely pulled himself back from the brink of a sob, his eyes refocusing on Mizu with a determined melancholy as he sucked in a deep breath to resteady his composure. But gods, a heavy silence fell as he mentally flailed for what he should report next.

"Raccoon," he said after a moment. He still had to search for what followed that, but it was at least a place to start. "They helped. The goddess will be glad to have them today, and will much appreciate the rest of the volunteers tonight."

Another heavy pause, Evan's heart growing heavy before he finally added,

"Ponderance contacted us. He is back with the king."

"Ponderance was correct that she was..." Evan took a deep breath, his eyes unfocusing. "...injured. The god the priestess mentioned was indeed to blame. But she is recovered and has an olive branch to offer him."

Evan looked more than tired. He looked wrung out. Thoughts of what several of her soldiers had said about Evan in the days since he had become the goddess' emissary swirled around in her mind. He was, indeed, a changed man, and Mizu wasn't fully convinced it was for the better.

And, gods, the sadness that entered Evan's face was too much to look at. In that moment, she hated how determined she was not to pry, to coax out of him everything that the goddess had been and done to him.

The almost motherly impulse was sidelined, however, by a sudden thought. The other god injured Dehaljadrun and she is the one offering an olive branch? What did the goddess do?

"Raccoon," Evan said, pulling Mizu back. "They helped. The goddess will be glad to have them today and will much appreciate the rest of the volunteers tonight." Raccoon... that must be the soldier Lance mentioned went through Evan's portal. So they were alive, then. Good. That boded well for the volunteers, Mizu suspected, assuming they would still send them.

As though to respond to that thought, Evan added, "Ponderance contacted us. He is back with the king."

The statement shot a bolt through Mizu's chest. While she had prepared for the possibility, the ramifications of having it confirmed were exceedingly uncomfortable. How could she possibly pretend a semblance of safety when her soldiers could be magically transported out of her care at any moment? She clenched her eyes shut in a rare show of her fear and frustration, taking a deep breath.

Staring at the floor, she said, "I figured it was something to that effect." It was quiet, and she didn't altogether know where to take the conversation from there. By all accounts, Evan had preemptively answered all the questions she might have asked. Her mind stuck on the absurdity of a child being re-kidnapped by one of their parents, and she shook her head.

Finally, she remembered that she had her own news to report, something that might lighten the weight of the load they both bore.

"We received an emissary from the Shel'ti. Their men have recovered, and they have agreed to help us. Their entourage will be returning to their capital shortly. I'll be leaving the day after next to make it official." If the Shel'ti had been with Dehaljadrun as the commander understood, then perhaps Evan already understood all this to some degree, but Mizu still suspected that having concrete evidence of their improved situation would be a bolster. Even if Rorrim had Ponderance and sorcerers, they had the neighboring country and the goddess on their side.

And perhaps it was better for Ponderance to be back with his father. They had made little progress on persuading Ponderance--the child seemed to have a mind of his own--and they would need to wrest control from Rorrim whether they had the assistance of the heir or not.

Looking Evan over once more, she had the sudden sensation that she was losing him to the goddess. She wasn't sure how much she could say he was her captain anymore. How much time was he even spending with his own soldiers, even? A great sadness and affection overcame her, but it did not reach her expression.

Mizu clenched her eyes shut in a rare show of her fear and frustration, and it damn near stabbed Evan through the gut.

Staring at the floor, she said, "I figured it was something to that effect." Her voice was quiet, and another silence settled between them before the commander shook her head and found her own news to report.

"We received an emissary from the Shel'ti. Their men have recovered, and they have agreed to help us. Their entourage will be returning to their capital shortly. I'll be leaving the day after next to make it official."

Evan breathed a soft sigh of relief, grateful for good news that the Shel'ti were making good on their end of things. In fact, a tentative happiness bloomed--this was a victory, the very victory they had come here to secure. As much as Evan had hoped they hadn't needed the Shel'ti, now that they had their alliance, surely their chances of winning this war were good? Even without the prince?

But Mizu wasn't willing to indulge in that celebration just yet. She looked Evan over quietly, and perhaps something in the air between them, or maybe just his own exhaustion, sapped the optimism from his mood fairly quickly. His heart skittered in his chest as he searched for what else he wanted to check in with his commander about while he still had the wits to find it.

"What does camp know about Ponderance?"

Even tired as he was, he was still with it enough to know that the camp he had strolled through this morning was not one that was thinking much about the prince spirited away to their enemy in the night.

"Nothing yet, admittedly. I wanted to fully understand the situation before we made decisions on that front," the commander said honestly. Allowing herself some vulnerability, she said, "I am dreading telling them. The last thing I want is to tell them we have thwarted one type of attack only to worry about another." After a pause, she added, "And I want the volunteers to feel secure in their choice. They deserve respect for what they are doing."

The commander looked freshly at Evan, who was far beyond a volunteer at this point.

"I hope you know how instrumental you have become in all this. I--all of us--owe you a great debt." Mizu lowered her head slightly in deference to Evan. Lifting it again, she added, "I would appreciate your advice on when and what to tell camp about the situation."

"Nothing yet, admittedly."

Evan frowned a little. She wasn't planning to altogether hide it, was she? Surely Yukiko wouldn't go along with that.

"I wanted to fully understand the situation before we made decisions on that front."

He relaxed a little at that, nodding in understanding.

"I am dreading telling them," Mizu added to Evan's surprise. "The last thing I want is to tell them we have thwarted one type of attack only to worry about another." After a pause, she added, "And I want the volunteers to feel secure in their choice. They deserve respect for what they are doing."

At least she was being forthcoming with him about her reasonings and concerns. He appreciated it whenever she was, and lamented it was so often in moments of grave concern. But, at least she was being candid, in this moment of grave concern. And to hear her thinking about and even prioritizing the volunteers was heartwarming, pulling gratitude toward the top of his chest.

"I hope you know how instrumental you have become in all this," she continued, further surprising Evan. "I--all of us--owe you a great debt." Mizu lowered her head slightly in deference to him, and Evan's eyes widened, his posture straightening without him quite realizing. Lifting her head again, she added, "I would appreciate your advice on when and what to tell camp about the situation."

Gods, when was the last time his commander had asked him for advice? It made him equal parts honored and nervous, grateful for the acknowledgement and respect and terrified by the responsibility--and even to some extent, at witnessing Mizu's humility. As much as sometimes he resented whenever she'd pull rank, he also had to admit he appreciated relying on her to make the important calls. He supposed she still would, in the end, but he could feel his influence on it palpably, and he considered his response with due gravity.

"Don't send the volunteers under false pretenses," he said, a beseechment more than instruction. "I would admit to what's happened. If it would dissuade them, then perhaps they shouldn't go." He swallowed, acknowledging risk and pain in the possibility. But surely it wouldn't dissuade all of them. Hell, surely Lance would still be brazen enough to go; surely Trevor would still yearn for her too strongly to falter; ... surely Pemberley's choice was already grave enough, this wouldn't make that much of a difference.

Evan's eyes fell, brow drawn together with tears glazing again over his eyes.

"You're wiser than I am about how to do that," he said, his voice faltering with confusing emotions, weariness, and uncertainty. "Or, perhaps other captains--I'm sure Fujiwara has thoughts. Perhaps Kade."

Gods, Evan wanted to cry. He tried to tell himself it was just due to lack of sleep, but everything felt overwhelming. He felt an impulse to offer to help spread the news--surely the sight of him in the goddess' garb would be uplifting, help temper the bad news with the good. But, that was imagining that he himself was inspiring, and guilt and embarassment stabbed at him that he wasn't. The truth was that at the moment he felt a shell of himself, exhausted and dreading so much of what was to come. He tried to remind himself that there were things to look forward to also, and he gently pressed a hand to his chest, closing his eyes and sighing as he reminded his body about the comforting pressure of the scale tucked into his skin.

Evan seemed surprised, eyebrows lifted, a measure of energy and color back in his face. The commander softened a little, one corner of her mouth quirking by a centimeter as her shoulders relaxed.

"Don't send the volunteers under false pretenses," Evan said evenly. "I would admit to what's happened. If it would dissuade them, then perhaps they shouldn't go." Mizu watched Evan's throat bob in swallow, and his eyes welled with tears.

"You're wiser than I am about how to do that," he said, his voice wavering. "Or, perhaps other captains--I'm sure Fujiwara has thoughts. Perhaps Kade."

If she were a little more relaxed, Mizu might have let out a breathy laugh. She didn't want to talk to either Fujiwara or Kade right now, not really. Both of them... knew. She had certainly created new tension between all of them that had little to do with the rebellion and what they would tell the volunteers.

Evan composed himself, taking a deep breath, and Mizu thought for a moment that she could hear it in the way his jacket stretched.

"Thank you. You make a good case," the commander said with two nods. She took a deep breath herself.

"I want to acknowledge that you must be exhausted," Mizu began, a little waver in her tone as well. She hadn't fully plotted out exactly where she was going with the conversation, only that she needed to get there.

"Lieutenant Holloway told me what you said to the volunteers, how you showed them the portal. You've been leading them well, and I've respected your honesty." She paused, letting the compliment stand. "I could certainly afford to learn something of your candor.

"Holloway," Mizu said carefully, placing her elbows on her thighs where she was sitting and leaning over, staring at the ground, "stayed with me last night." She took a deep breath to calm her racing mind. She closed her eyes briefly, trying convince herself this was the right call. If Yukiko and Serio knew, and with Lance going with Evan off to the goddess, Mizu was certain Evan would find out eventually.

"He was there when I learned about the alliance, and we shared a moment of joy together." She wanted to elaborate, to tell Evan who knew and maybe even get his advice on that, too.

She looked up at Evan. Maybe the last thing he needed was more of this kind of knowledge on his shoulders right now.

Mizu shook her head slightly.

Last night could have been perfect. For a moment, everything was going their way. The alliance, the goddess, the shimmer... everything. And she was just Mizu and Lance was just Lance. He was leaving. Lance was still leaving.

But even then, Evan would have found out. There was no doubt in Mizu's mind that it would not come out in Dehaljadrun's realm.

She had wittingly signed up for telling Evan, one way or another. And she owed it to him to be honest about it. Better he hear it from her.

"Fujiwara told me about the prince in the night and alerted me immediately. She found me with Lance. Captain Kade is also aware," Mizu said. She paused for a moment, convinced that she had said the lot of it, and then looked up at Evan to see his reaction.

((OOC: I'm pretty sure she would literally raise her hand to stop him if Evan tried to interrupt her right now. She's determined to say it all at once. Also, Evan is welcome to sit whenever. It just felt weird for her to invite him to do so.))

"Thank you. You make a good case," Mizu replied with two nods, Evan's heart jumping to his throat with each. Gods, for all the times he'd second-guessed himself as soon as he'd gotten subordinates on board with a plan, that had nothing on convincing his commander of a particular approach. It had happened only a small handful of times, and it never once panned out exactly like he thought it would. He hoped he'd steered her toward more good than bad, though, in the very least.

"I want to acknowledge that you must be exhausted," she added after a beat, and Evan found himself quirking his eyebrow slightly, curious but a little bit wary about where she else was going.

"Lieutenant Holloway told me what you said to the volunteers, how you showed them the portal. You've been leading them well, and I've respected your honesty."

Evan blinked twice, a little bit stunned by the compliment. He was so damn used to being reprimanded, even when he pulled things off. He'd honestly felt like he'd fucked up a bit with the volunteers--hadn't he stumbled through that speech? Had it really said anything of substance? He'd certainly let one of them circumvent the plan entirely, regardless. But, Mizu was praising him?

"I could certainly afford to learn something of your candor."

Evan blinked again and then took in a breath to speak back to that--though what he was about to say, he honestly didn't know--but Mizu held up her hand, signalling she had still more to say.

"Holloway," Mizu said carefully, placing her elbows on her thighs where she was sitting and leaning over, staring at the ground, "stayed with me last night."

Evan's eyebrows shot up. He and Mizu had never once had a conversation about her love life. And--Holloway? Had he heard that right?

Mizu took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Of course, she knew it sounded absurd. She knew she was broaching new territory with Evan. She knew exactly what she was doing. And Evan was pretty sure he appreciated it.

His eyes flicked to another chair in the room while Mizu thought about what else she was trying to say, and he slowly moved over to sit down in it. His face was still a little agape with disbelief, but it was slowly releasing, replaced over time with openness and curiosity, if also a shade of nervousness.

"He was there when I learned about the alliance," she finally continued, "and we shared a moment of joy together."

Mizu looked up at Evan, and he offered her a shy smile. Gods, honestly, that sounded fucking fantastic, and he was happy for her. Human to human, he was really genuinely happy for her.

But gods, Lance? His brow did waver after a moment with something like concern. He felt grimly certain that the lieutenant was going to be insufferable about this--but then of course, he remembered that Lance was leaving. Then, his expression grew a little bit sad.

Mizu also shook her head.

"Fujiwara told me about the prince in the night and alerted me immediately."

Of course. That was the end of the happy news. There was still a war on, and the prince had gone missing. He understood that melancholy quite well at this point. His expression grew serious, and full of understanding.

"She found me with Lance," Mizu added. "Captain Kade is also aware."

At that, she seemed to feel complete, and she looked at Evan for his response.

Evan swallowed, speechless for a moment.

"Okay," he finally said. He knew it was a bit of a garbage reply, but he wanted to give Mizu something while his mind raced to figure out what he actually wanted to say. It was just so much to take in--Mizu and Lance; the commander with a lieutenant, a lieutenant whom they'd soon all be losing; Evan's ex of all people learning about it in a crisis she woud have been hit hardest by; the spymaster of course knowing about probably all of it. Evan realized he was feeling a little exposed, but, well, he supposed that Mizu probably felt that much moreso.

"Yukiko won't judge you," Evan finally said, hopefully. He wasn't sure he should elaborate on why he felt sure of that--not that he didn't think the commander might be able to read through the lines. "Kade, I don't know. You have a better read on him than I do."

He wasn't sure he was addressing the most important thing about what Mizu had said, but it was the thing that felt addressable in the moment. Here was hoping he wasn't just making a mess of it.

"Okay," Evan said, appropriately stunned.

She didn't want to preempt anything, though. She knew she needed to let him process what she had said. It had been a lot. Briefly, she wondered how much Evan realized he had incidentally orchestrated it and how that might be playing into his thoughts.

"Yukiko won't judge you," Evan said, and Mizu wondered why for all of five seconds before she understood. Yukiko has likely also crossed rank in some way, Mizu thought. Good for her, Mizu couldn't help thinking. "Kade, I don't know. You have a better read on him than I do."

Mizu wasn't worried about Kade. She trusted he would play the card if and when it was valuable to him and not any sooner. She didn't expect that that opportunity would come quickly. Kade liked to bide his time.

But, she was worried about Evan. On multiple fronts.

"And you?" Mizu asked genuinely, her eyebrows lifting in hope.

"And you?" Mizu asked, her own brow lifting in genuine interest, if not concern. Evan couldn't quite help looking away, blush quickly warming his cheeks.

"I'm happy for you," he said honestly after a moment, regathering his gaze to Mizu with a shy smile.

Should he leave it at that? Or should he offer her more? He realized, he wanted to offer her more. But was also terrified to. Even if in this moment they were--friends? At the end of the day she'd still return to being his commander, at least for the remainder of the war. Hinting at Yukiko had been one thing, well in the past and, at this point at least, an equal in their ranks. Tipping his hand about Xavier felt significantly riskier.

His eyes flickered again to the side as he brought a hand up to rub nervously at his hair.

"And..." he added carefully, "it would be rather hypocritical of me to judge."

He glanced back to Mizu a little crookedly, eyebrows raised and lips curled in his own awkward, nervous, hopeful expression.