Written Wonderland

Xavier pursed his lips, blushing, and anxiety bubbled in Evan's chest again. Oh, gods, we was jealous, wasn't he? Of course he was. Wouldn't Evan be going fucking mad in Xavier's shoes? Evan wanted to reassure him, but how? Of what, exactly, even? There was so much uncertainty ahead of them, what could he truly offer right now?

"Would it... could I..." Xavier stumbled over his words a little, and Evan swallowed, his heart pounding in his ears while he waited for Xavier to make his request.

"If you wanted I could stay here until you fell asleep?"

Evan's eyebros rose with surprise, his own cheeks growing hot with blush. And then, a wave crested inside of him, and tears welled up in his eyes, his jaw briefly trembling. Oh, gods, how fucking absurd to cry in front of Xavier right now, and about what? Something... big and amorphous and undoubtedly absolutely stupid.

But, it was equally stupid to just stand there trying to stave it off. He flicked his wrists subtly at his sides and let out a careful exhale, offering Xavier a renewed smile -- open, honest, at peace with the obvious tears glossing his eyes -- and a nod. Gods, yes, he would like for Xavier to stay, even if anxiety buzzed in his body about it. He reminded himself of how they'd held each other after their so-called walk, how it had settled them both even after they'd gotten off-track with one another. Whatever it was he was afraid of, surely falling asleep with Xavier would assuage, not exacerbate it? Fuck he really hoped he wasn't missing something stupid, though chances were decent given how fucking eager he was to finally get to sleep.

So, fuck it, the next thing to do there was take off his jacket--it didn't really seem like cuddling fare. He unclasped the top hook, and gently flicked his gaze back up to Xavier as he began to open it, double-checking how the boy seemed to be responding to the direction he was heading.

Evan's eyebrows rose, and Xavier took an unconscious step back, worried he had surprised Evan in a bad way somehow. Had he blurred the lines between captain and lieutenant too much?

But then Evan's wrists flexed, and he exhaled deeply, showing Xavier an honest, bare-faced smile while his eyes filled with tears. Gods, he was beautiful and so inviting. Xavier couldn't even begin to imagine all the things that Evan must be going through, but gods, he wanted to help.

Xavier had the impulse to dive into Evan and hug him--all that had been some kind of invitation, right?--but Evan started unclasping his jacket, and Xavier's eyes went wide before his smile did, his whole face ecstatic with hope and gratitude.

Understanding and excitement touched Xavier's eyes, and Evan's shoulders relaxed, relief washing through him. He let himself glance down again to finish unclasping the jacket, reassured that Xavier was pleased with his intentions, and more interested in getting this done efficiently than suavely at this point. Though as he undid the final clasp and began to open the jacket, he palpably felt the absense of the goddess' scale, leaving his chest feeling bare and lonely. Well, he supposed that Xavier would help with that in short order, but... guilt gnawed at him at the thought. He pressed on though, mentally chewing on what he wanted while he carefully unwound the straps from around his neck. He could swear they fought him, squeezing him tighter before giving way.

His eyes then briefly searched his tent for his sword--his new sword--and he walked over to it, intending to carefully deposit the jacket by its side. He crouched down to do so, but hesitated. Finally, he slipped the goddess' scale out from the inside pocket of the jacket, and closed it in his hand for a moment. Then, with a soft sigh, he pushed himself back to his feet, though made quickly for his cot, gesturing for Xavier to come sit beside him. When he did, Evan opened his hand and held the scale out for Xavier to see. He wasn't sure this was the right call, but, he didn't want to just leave the scale forgotten on the ground, and he also didn't want to sneak it into bed without telling Xavier at least something of what it actually was.

"This is... a very precious gift from the goddess. From her, to me." His palm was open and accessible to Xavier, inviting the boy to touch the scale, if he wanted to, but not at all insisting. Though, he was quiet for a moment as he thought about what else he wanted to say about it.

((OOC: Oop, realized that actually Evan already told Xavier about the scale. So this scene will need some editing. Or that one.))

Xavier watched Evan continue undoing the jacket, and he might have actually drooled if he didn't keep himself in check. He looked away for a moment, wondering if he wanted to undress at all, but then he heard Evan walked over to his other belongings and got curious. Evan's bare back, covered in more scrapes and bruises and shallow cuts than Evan had let on, was still gorgeous, maybe even more gorgeous somehow with an abstract of all the places he had been drawn across his back. Xavier thought he caught a flash of opalescent purple for a moment, tucked into Evan's jacket, but maybe he was just imagining it. Evan stopped, though, maybe uncertain of something, and Xavier fervently hoped Evan wasn't about to change his mind.

But, no, Evan was coming back with some kind of flat, almost-glowing stone in his hands, holding it out to Xavier.

"This is... a very precious gift from the goddess. From her, to me." Xavier's eyes widened, and he held a hand near the scale, looking up at Evan as though to ask for permission. Xavier thought he saw a subtle nod.

Reaching out to the stone, Xavier found it was warm to the touch, possibly from Evan's body heat. Perhaps it had been against his chest inside the jacket. Maybe that explained Evan's earlier hesitance. It was pretty and warm and Xavier wanted to care about it because Evan cared about it, but he pulled his hand away because he couldn't shake the sensation that he was intruding somehow. Or maybe it was just that it seemed laden with meaning for Evan that Xavier didn't fully understand.

"What do you... do with it?" Xavier asked, wondering where they were going from here.

Xavier did reach out to touch the scale, and Evan let out a soft breath, realizing he could feel the touch on his body, too.

"What do you... do with it?" Xavier asked as he pulled his hand back, and Evan let out a light, airy chuckle. Exactly what we just did, he was tempted to say, but he stopped himself, wanting to take a moment to find a deeper answer. One that felt less trite, and more usefully informative. What did Xavier actually need to know?

"Well, when you touched it just then..." Evan started carefully, a fresh shade of blush warming his cheeks. "I could feel your hand on my back, too." He smiled a little crookedly off to the side, feeling awkward in the... fantasticalness of this, though he supposed it wasn't really any more out there than, say, wounds licked closed or swords--or armor--crafted from thin air. Still, it was a new thing, he was realizing, for Xavier to be able to be truly in on it. It was exciting, and also scary. He drew his gaze back to Xavier with a sheepish, hopeful smile.

"I'd... honestly wanted to show it to you sooner."

Xavier had a number of very vulgar thoughts at once after he spoke and before Evan's answered, and not all of them made logical sense.

Gods, focus, Xavier.

But his captain was showing him something from the goddess of desire inside his tent as they were about to cuddle!

"Well, when you touched it just then..." Evan started carefully, a fresh shade of blush warming his cheeks. "I could feel your hand on my back, too." Xavier felt every word of what Evan said roll down his own back pleasantly, though it took Xavier a few moments to process what they meant. Evan smiled his mischievous crooked smile, and that was really all Xavier needed to know. "I'd... honestly wanted to show it to you sooner," Evan finished.

Xavier pulled his eyebrows together in thought and confusion, unsure how to proceed. It hadn't felt... right to touch the scale before, but that was before Xavier had known what it was. And how would he even use such a thing? Xavier had a sudden intrusive thought to toss the stone on the ground just to see what would happen. He banished it as unhelpful immediately.

Gingerly, he leaned closer to the stone, lips only inches from it, and looked up at Evan, again looking for permission. Satisfied, Xavier pulled his lips together gently and blew out a light, soft breath that was warm on impact but would soon cause a subtle chill.

He tapered off and stopped, looking up at Evan, eager for a response.

Evan watched a ripple cascade through Xavier's body, subtle but familiar. Evan was sure the very same ripple had cascaded through his own body, probably a million times by now. It was a moment of understanding, of knowing in the body that new possibilities have presented themselves, and feeling utter excitement.

Xavier's brows pulled together, though, looking confused, and Evan wondered anxiously about where the confusion was. Was it... too much? Would he turn away, now? Would he be offended that Evan had brought it to the cot, had wanted to tell him about it?

But then, Xavier gingerly leaned closer to the scale, and excitement fluttered up from Evan's gut. The lieutenant held his lips just apart from the scale, his eyes flicking up to Evan's as if to gently ask permission. Evan couldn't help breaking into a wide, excited grin as he offered a subtle nod.

Xavier exhaled, warmth dancing lightly over Evan's back before fading back and inviting a chill. As the sensation faded to the still, quiet air Evan was used to, Xavier pulled back just slightly and looked up at him again, no doubt curious about the impact he'd had. Evan let out a soft huff of a chuckle -- in truth, a breath he hadn't quite realized he'd been holding for a moment, while the sensations on his skin had dissipated. He also offered Xavier another subtle nod, just enough to confirm that, yes, he'd certainly felt that.

He grew a little nervous after that, though, as he contemplated what else he had to say about it.

"I'd... like it keep it close." He felt apologetic about that, and rubbed nervously at his hair, his eyes flicking briefly to the side. It was tempting to ask Xavier if that was okay, or to ask if it was too strange, but... it was important to him. The goddess had asked him to keep it close. But he didn't want to frame this to Xavier like something she had imposed on him. It was a fucking honor to have it.

"The goddess is alone today," he said as he drew his gaze back to Xavier. "Save Raccoon's crazy ass," he added with a more lighthearted crooked smile, hoping the aside would lighten whatever it was he was trying to say with all this. A couple nonsense explanations tried to make their ways out Evan's mouth, but he clenched his jaw shut instead, ensuring he didn't speak until he figured out what it was he actually wanted to say.

"I don't know," he finally said, "if the scale does more for her than just... worship does, of any kind." Gods, how fucking strange did those words sound coming out of his mouth? This was all extremely strange, and Evan felt a worried, nervous buzz in his gut as he contemplated whether Xavier would feel in over his head. It wouldn't be the first time his fondness for the goddess of desire put someone off, and that was before it was all fucking real.

Evan met Xavier's eyes, honest with his nervousness. "But I've got to believe that that's something, and I want to give her as much as I can, today." Gods, he hoped that Xavier would understand.

Evan nodded, his eyebrows raised, as though to confirm that he had felt Xavier's breath. Where? Xavier wondered and giggled a little. Gods, where was his mind. But he knew. He hadn't been able to take it off Evan in the preceding few days, and Xavier hadn't been especially good about focusing on other things before that either.

"I'd... like to keep it close," Evan said. That made sense to Xavier. It was a serious vulnerability. If anyone knew... well, Xavier couldn't imagine anyone in camp abusing that power. But, still, the thought made Xavier happy. Evan was certainly trusting him. How had the goddess imbued the scale with magic? he wondered. How had she connected it with Evan?

Xavier's and Evan's eyes flicked to meet each other briefly.

"The goddess is alone today," Evan continued, "Save Raccoon's crazy ass." And Xavier laughed heartily, having a difficult time imagining that. Whew boy, he wondered how that was going. He was only a little sad that he might never know.

But then Evan clenched his jaw. "I don't know," he said after a minute, "if the scale does more for her than just... worship does, of any kind..." Evan trailed off, almost pleading with Xavier with his eyes. "But I've got to believe that that's something. and I want to give her as much as I can, today." Xavier nodded a few times, not totally sure how to respond just yet. He looked down at the scale again, the opalescence of it strange and compelling.

"You really care about her," Xavier said, and it wasn't a question. But he also, somehow, wasn't deterred. Rather, it made him happy that Evan wanted to share all this with him and that, despite it all, Evan still wanted to... cuddle? They were still about to do that, right? "Well, you can hold the scale, and I'll hold you, and everything will be okay," Xavier said with a grin. As though to make a point of it, he then reached down to start unlacing his own boots.

Xavier nodded a few times, but Evan wasn't convinced it was in understanding. The lieutenant's eyes traced down to the scale again, curious and contemplating. It wasn't a no then.

"You really care about her," Xavier said. That was understanding. Evan couldn't help replaying the words in his mind, vigilant for any sign of displeasure, but Xavier really sounded... okay with that. In fact, the lieutenant went on with a grin, "Well, you can hold the scale, and I'll hold you, and everything will be okay."

Evan was speechless for a moment, almost in disbelief it was that simple. But Xavier got right to unlacing his boots, and Evan gently placed the scale beside him on the cot so he could follow suit. He glanced to Xavier frequently, perhaps a bit over-vigilant to match the lieutenant's pace exactly, still afraid to get ahead, still worried that some other shoe might drop.

But, the worry faded as Xavier pulled his boots off, and Evan removed his own with a relieved exhale, glad to no longer have the thick soles of his boots between his feet and the shape of the ground. He looked at Xavier curiously and hopefully, an awkward smile tugging at his lips as he waited a moment to see if Xavier would take whatever next step. He might have moved first, but he wasn't particularly accustomed to this bit, much less as a little spoon.

Xavier unlaced his boots efficiently, glancing over at Evan when he started doing the same.

Calm down, Xavier. Calm down. We're just cuddling. But still, cuddling with his captain was a big deal even if they had already done more.

But when Xavier pulled his boots off, Evan was looking at him, maybe a little sheepishly. Had Xavier missed something, or was Evan just as nervous about all this?

Deciding to take a risk--they were already here, after all--Xavier ruffled Evan's hair, giggled, and threw himself down on the bed roll. He rolled on one side to face Evan, holding one arm open for emphasis.