Written Wonderland

Evan accepted her as she reached for him, and his chest heaved into hers. The knowledge that this wasn't what he wanted tugged at her. She didn't want to do this to him. But at the same time, some part of her knew this was right.

It was difficult to hold onto that when Evan pulled away from her so only their arms touched as his face shifted through a series of anguished and frustrated expressions. The shifting ended with fear and sadness. Was he afraid of her? She supposed he had every right to be. She wondered for a moment if, after everything, she would lose him in this dream. Gods, she should have stayed out of it. But she knew that all these things would still have lingered under the surface whether she had intervened or not.

Evan surprised her then by directing her--and the dream--into a forest, which was raining and frigid with cold. A chill shot through her heart when she recognized it from the other dream Evan had fallen into with her. It was the same forest where he had been injured and lay against the tree while hypothermia threatened. But she looked at Evan, and he wasn't injured now. His hand still clung tightly to hers as he pulled her through. The goddess looked around, then, searching for Evan's father--she didn't especially want to see him either--but there was no one around.

As they walked, the goddess could hear Evan crying, but the rain washed the blood from his scrapes away and even grew warmer as they approached some lights in the distance. Perhaps if Evan made it there, this place that had been too distant for Evan to reach when he had been injured, something would be complete for him. Perhaps there was closure here, if not with her than within himself.

Her grip on his hand softened as she followed, and some of her previous peace from before the dream began to return. The storm around them started to let up, and the village ahead of them actually seemed within reach. A number of villagers came out of their homes and other buildings to meet them on the outskirts, most of their faces shapeless but welcoming nonetheless. The goddess hesitated for a moment, uncertain that she wanted to deliver Evan to these people. She knew that was her jealousy acting up, though, which was ridiculous since Evan had clearly created these people from his own subconscious, but she could not help it.

Still, with only a moment's pause, she kept walking with Evan, and at last the people welcomed him, clasping his shoulders heartily and guiding him toward a central fire where he could warm up. They ignored the goddess, and she let go of Evan's hand, a sadness washing over her as they laid him down onto a cot near the warmth and stroked his cheeks, his chest, his hair with kindness and comfort.

But then, she had an idea. Closing her eyes, she allowed herself to dissipate into mist. Small pieces of her flowed into each of the people touching and comforting Evan until she was touching Evan with a dozen hands. After massaging away his aches and pains, they all knelt against the cot and placed both hands flat on him, willing all the goddess' love for him into him at once in throbbing, pulsing waves she hoped he was ready to accept.

You're here, and I love you. You're safe. I need you. You're here, and I love you. And you're safe, the goddess told Evan in his mind.

At last, a village came into view, and Evan's heart nearly soared. He'd made it. Villagers came out of their homes, nothing but warm welcome on their faces, or perhaps concern for those arriving from the woods.

But the goddess hesitated, and so Evan stopped. She began walking soon enough, though, and so did he, warmth and elation blooming as he approached the villager's outstretched arms. They clasped his shoulders and gently guided him to a cot by a fire, showering him with warmth and loving caresses and tender massage. He'd made it. And before any doubt could bloom--before any inkling of whether he deserved this crossed his mind--he felt the goddess' love in every hand that touched his body.

You're here, and I love you. You're safe. I need you. You're here, and I love you. And you're safe.

Her words echoed in his mind. Thank you, was all he could manage back, eager to sink into the bliss of welcome surrounding him, finally for once unbothered by the urge to stay vigilant.

((OOC: I suppose that seems like a good spot to end the dream... we may want to brainstorm what all scenes we should direct him toward once he wakes up? And what all other scenes we want to play out before he does wake up. I'll at least get Yukiko headed over to Mizu lol...))

Ramanujan walked away from his conversation with Captain Fujiwara--Horu--awestruck. After being promised to one goddess, he suddenly found another, one who needed his help far more than the goddess of desire did. Let her play her games of war--Ramanujan had everything of her memories, if he could only access them. He respected her as a deity, but Horu... no one could deny the divinity of her. No one even dared try.

And to learn from Horu on her journey... it was a great honor.

Yet, Ramanujan felt overwhelmed and adrift at the sudden change. He would be staying with the army, then, he supposed, at least for a while. He couldn't imagine Captain Fujiwara abandoning her post, not until things were more resolved with the war. But, he also didn't want to wait to get started. Wasn't their whole existence--and all of truth itself--at stake with Horu so fractured?

The urge to go and meditate was strong. He wasn't accustomed to so many warring emotions in his mind, and his thoughts veered dangerously toward disbelief. Surely nothing as sacred as this could have happened to me, he thought. But as he made his way toward Evan's tent, he reassured himself and even pulled up the sensation of the flame in his chest. That had assuredly happened.

Now, he just needed to tell Evan about his decision. Knowing the man had likely been up for most of the night, Ramanujan didn't know how long it would be until the captain rose, but Ramanujan intended to be nearby when it happened. And, until then, there was plenty to consider.

Evan awoke on his cot with a heavy sense of loneliness. It was tempting to close his eyes again, to try to drift back into sleep. He wasn't sure his dreams had ever been so alluring. He wanted to keep laying by the fire, keep feeling hands all across his skin, keep hearing the echo of the goddess' love within him.

But, as he more fully came-to, he realized that the fabric of the pants the goddess had made him still hugged his legs, her scale still resting beneath his palm, remarkably undisturbed through the night. Xavier had long since gone, of course, but he had held Evan as he fell asleep, had offered Evan that tenderness in waking life. Evan focused on the pleasant warmth in his chest from that, and fanned it as he recalled the goddess creating his new armor in the first place, and saying I love you to him before sending him back.

With a sigh, he finally rolled out of bed and moved to collect his new jacket, returning the scale to its inside pocket before donning it again. An excited exhale pushed from his chest as he coiled the straps around his neck, and he gently pressed his hand against the scale on his chest. He was a little bit anxious to go face the army in earnest while dressed like this, but... well, this would be the day for it. He gently clapped his hands against his cheeks, helping to further wake himself up and muster resolve to head out. Likely to check in with the commander first, and then, who knows what. Help the volunteers prepare? Assist Kade with the ceremony? Maybe steal at least a few moments with Xavier? All of the above? Well, here was hoping, anyway.

Ramanujan waited patiently at one of the gathering places near Captain Rutliff's tent. The morning fire had long since gone out, but the seating was still comfortable. Ramanujan kept an eye on the tent but also allowed his mind to wander.

Eventually, after quieting his thoughts, Ramanujan began to explore the new sensation in his chest. At first, he had thought Yukiko had only offered him a temporary sensation, but the more time went on, the more convinced Ramanujan became that she had given him something far more permanent than that. When he fed the warmth inside his chest with thoughts of sunlight and the jungle that Horu had described, it glowed brighter. He experimented with a number of axioms, theories he knew to be true and felt the ways the warmth in his chest responded in kind. It was fascinating and incredibly useful. He tried to use it to help sort through some of Dehaljadrun's memories, but that seemed to dampen the flame, so he focused on stoking only the warmth for now, wanting it to adjust to its new home within him.

Before long, Rutliff came out of his tent, and Ramanujan stood immediately, walking toward the man before he could fully register Evan's appearance. He was wearing cloth Ramanujan had never seen before and could barely even describe. It was something like tiny black dragon scales with an opalescent purple shimmer. The jacket was cropped and certainly offered a full view of the tightly fitted pants of the same material the man was wearing. In any other situation, the garments would have been absurd, but Ramanujan knew the goddess of desire must have had a hand in them. Knowing from the goddess' own memories how much of her magic it would have taken to manifest such a thing, Ramanujan shook his head, uncertain of the value of such a creation. Perhaps it was a way to mark Evan as claimed by the goddess, but even still, it was unnecessarily ostentatious. Ramanujan doubted Horu would force him to wear something of the like, and for that, he was grateful.

Ramanujan decided to ignore the man's clothing and walked up to him as though he didn't notice it at all. "Good morning, Captain Rutliff. I have something urgent to discuss with you," Ramanujan said, wasting little time.

It only took fully stepping out from his tent and glancing around to catch his bearings for Evan to realized that someone was already giving him their full attention. Not just attention, but the soldier stood from where he'd been seated by a nearby gathering place and began to walk toward him, his intention clear to engage. Evan's cheeks flashed hot before he fully knew why, but he placed after another moment that this was the soldier who had held him down with Pemberley that second night. Who had witnessed all that had happened.

Evan pressed his hand against his chest, relieved as the gentle pressure brought his attention back to the goddess' scale, to all of the good that had happened since that night. He wanted to stay in the present, not get stuck back there. And, at least in this moment, he was able to. He lowered his hand back down to his side once he felt steady, assuming a more serious posture as the cadet closed his approach.

"Good morning, Captain Rutliff. I have something urgent to discuss with you."

Evan offered the cadet a nod. Some awkwardness still tugged at him, but he hoped its impact on his expression was minimal. Mostly, it was just... did he know this cadet's name? Should he? Hadn't they all introduced themselves yesterday? But, gods, that seemed like a lifetime ago.

"Of course," he said, urging his mind to drop the name issue. The cadet needed his attention, more than anything, and he gently clenched a fist at his side, nails biting into skin just enough to anchor his mind in place for the moment. Finally, he figured out what else he needed to get past.

"Should we step into my tent?" His fist clenched a little tighter, preemptively quelling the temptation to add even a hint of lewdness to his tone. He felt it pulse through him, but thankfully it remained beneath his skin, warming him but content to stay out of sight.

The captain nodded and said, "Of course." Maybe a little too quickly.

The strange awkwardness in Rutliff's tone startled Ramanujan momentarily--it sounded quite different from his speech to the volunteers the previous day. Ramanujan wasn't entirely sure why or if it even had anything to do with him. Maybe it was just that Rutliff, too, felt a little uncomfortable in his own clothing.

"Should we step into my tent?" Evan asked, noticeably clenching one hand into a fist.

Ramanujan clocked it before returning his gaze to Evan's face.

"No, that won't be necessary. I wanted you to know that, upon reflection, it would be the wrong choice for me to return to the goddess Dehaljadrun." He paused after saying the name. He knew he needed to say it, if only to get it out of his system and be certain he was speaking the truth, but the muscle memory of chanting the goddess' name for her was potent and compelling. He took a breath before he could go on. "I hope this will not impede anything. But if it does, I will do everything in my power to help you seek a substitute."

As a last justification, Ramanujan added, "We had eleven before Leonard went through. Perhaps she will accept nine tonight with them included, assuming no one else has had a change in heart."

"No, that won't be necessary," the soldier stated, and Evan relaxed, finally feeling his awkwardness dissipate. His fist loosened, comfortable that he was settling back into the proper headspace to hear a soldier's report.

"I wanted you to know that, upon reflection, it would be the wrong choice for me to return to the goddess Dehaljadrun."

Well, so much for the proper headspace. Evan's whole body shivered, awareness suddenly pulsing into every inch of his body hugged by the second skin the goddess had made him. He might have felt anger or similar with the cadet for simply spouting her name like that, but there was just enough weight to the pause that followed that Evan felt reassured that the soldier understood the choice he had made in that moment.

And, in fact, as the rest of the soldier's words sank in, it made sense.

Before Evan could formulate a response, the cadet drew in a breath and added, "I hope this will not impede anything. But if it does, I will do everything in my power to help you seek a substitute. We had eleven before Leonard went through. Perhaps she will accept nine tonight with them included, assuming no one else has had a change in heart."

Evan nodded--slowly at first, his eyebrow angled with a hint of skepticism, but it softened as his mind turned over what the cadet had said, and it all continued to make sense. It was a bit nervewracking to lose a volunteer, but, the soldier was probably correct that it would be all right to lose one. Evan felt solid in his connection with the goddess now, sure that as long as they acted in good faith, he would keep her trust. And she wanted volunteers who wanted to be there. That is what he would give her, at the end of the day.

"Yes," he said, wanting to give the soldier a clear response. "That should be all right. Thank you for letting me know."

But, he still wanted to know something more. Whether there was anything else he should be worried about. He didn't want to pry--well, actually, he supposed he wanted to, but he held the impulse at bay, instead digging a bit deeper for the real question that was driving it.

"Is there anything I should know about why you changed your mind? Anything that might impact other the volunteers?"

Rutliff nodded--albeit slowly--and Ramanujan felt some relief uncurl in his belly.

"Yes. That should be all right. Thank you for letting me know." Ramanujan was grateful that there wasn't a reprimand waiting here for his change of heart--he couldn't have known that he would find Horu hours before he would have permanently pledged himself to another goddess.

"Is there anything I should know about why you changed your mind? Anything that might impact other the volunteers?"

It was a fair question but one that Ramanujan didn't feel he could completely answer.

"I don't believe it will affect the other volunteers, no," Ramanujan said carefully. If Horu announced to the camp what she was, the volunteers would likely be long gone at that point.

"I don't believe it will affect the other volunteers, no," the soldier said, perhaps just a little too carefully. It made Evan nervous, and he studied the cadet's gaze while he chewed on what else he could rightfully ask him. There was something that had given the soldier pause about answering, and Evan just couldn't let it go.

His eyes narrowed subtly, his determination showing his hand, though he held himself back from acting too quickly. It was tempting to lash out; anger flared in his gut, and rippled across the contact between the goddess' armor and his skin. But he simply clenched his fist again, holding his gaze steady. This soldier didn't deserve Evan's anger, but he did owe Evan something more.

Finally, the words came to him, though Evan regretted the sharpness of his tone.

"What should I be watching out for?"