Written Wonderland

Nathan startled a little when the priestess touched her warm cloth to his skin--after all, he'd been covering his face, so of course he hadn't known exactly when she would begin. He timidly moved his hands downward, his big, dark eyes looking at the priestess while he clasped his hands in front of his mouth, and then finally released them to his sides, accepting that if he wanted her to be able to clean him, all of him, then he couldn't very well hide parts of himself. He closed his eyes, fear and thrill both vibrating powerfully in his chest to be so exposed, but the priestess offered him sweet care and warmth as she washed him. Nathan reminded himself again of the stansa he had written about the wolves in the forest, of the strange peace he could find in accepting his fate, and he exhaled deeply, helping his body to relax and accept the priestess' care.

But then, that relaxation opened the door for something else--some unnamable wave of sorrow that quickly overcame him, and he covered his face again, sobbing as the priestess moved down his body. It was shame, he realized--shame that he wanted to be bathed, to be cared for tenderly, to be so exposed. In some ways it would have been easier if the priestess had made him, but... no, that had been what was wrong with his and the goddess' first encounter. He had to go to her willingly this time. To choose all of it of his own accord. To overcome this shame that so often tried to strangle him.

Nathan moved his hands from his face again as the priestess began to go over him with oil now, and though his lungs still trembled, he looked at her with his wide, wet eyes, a sort of pleading gratitude radiating from him. He felt embarassed about his crying, but she did not seem bothered by it, and he was so deeply, deeply relieved by that. Though he had to try very hard to just not even think about what the crowd that was watching might think.

She drew a clay sigil on his cheek, and he smiled even as he sniffed, feeling the gesture like a sweet, comforting caress. Then she placed both of her hands on his shoulders and have him a nod of approval, and he smiled wider, his lungs finally calming.

"Do you intend to serve the goddess of desire, of shadow, of mist, and of purpose of your own free will?"

Nathan wiped his eyes - careful not to smudge the sigil the priestess had drawn - and then nodded as he returned his hands to his sides.

"I do." His voice was still quiet compared to the others, but it held more confidence than he had expressed up to that point, and his expression looked proud of that, even with his eyes still wet and blurry.

Tehlunae didn't fully understand why the young man was crying, though his sobs wracked his body as she washed. She met them in stride, though, trusting that he was working through his own processing of what was happening. The priestess did not spend much time dwelling on the fact that few of the offerings to the goddess returned, and the ones who did often could not reintegrate into their former lives, many of them moving away to other communities. Some of them, however, had become priests and priestesses, the old woman reminded herself.

She did not know what was in store for the young man in front of her, but she wished him nothing but peace and wellbeing as she gestured for him to step over the clay wall into the circle.

--

Gavin was deeply happy that Xavier had sought him out to confide in him about Evan. The two of them had been fast friends from before Xavier was ever a lieutenant, and Gavin was grateful that the rank seemed to fade away anytime the two of them were alone together. Xavier had always been kind to him--and unfailingly exuberant--so of course Gavin was happy for Xavier to have so many of his fantasies fulfilled, even if it did make Gavin a little nervous that Xavier and Evan were breaking rank, too.

But, Gavin was going to the goddess. He wouldn't have to keep the secret for long. He had begun to wonder, though, unable to stop from thinking about it, if Xavier and Evan had talked about Evan's relationship to the goddess. How did it affect Xavier's dynamic with Evan? Gavin somehow doubted that Evan was exactly being chaste with the goddess, and when Gavin caught sight of Evan's new armor, its tight fit put the thought of chastity to bed. So, was Xavier okay with sharing Evan? And, really, what choice did Xavier have?

Gavin lamented for his friend, waiting to talk to him more about it all, but Xavier was busy helping prepare for the ceremony. At one point throughout the day, however, Gavin wondered, what if the goddess wants me to interact with Evan? It seemed like a remote possibility, but once he thought about it, he couldn't get it out of his head. He had no idea how he would balance being true to his friend and also doing what the goddess wanted. And from the stories Lance would tell, the goddess could ask for... anything. Gavin felt knots tightening in his stomach, and he had a difficult time forcing down his lunch.

Finally, there was nothing for it. Gavin had to find Xavier to talk about it.

He went to the clearing and, seeing Xavier there, blew out a sigh of relief. He waved Xavier over, asking to speak privately. They went a ways back into the trees before Gavin said anything.

"Hey, I... uh... can I ask you some questions about things with Evan?"

Xavier's face was immediate one giant blush, and Gavin wondered if this had been good idea, but he trusted his friend to answer honestly. Xavier scratched the back of his head and looked down at the ground for a moment but looked back up, smiled, and said, "Yeah!" with a little laugh that Gavin found adorable.

"So, like, you're... um... involved with Evan now, but like, he's also... involved with the goddess, right? Does that... how are you... have the two of you talked about that?" Xavier looked thoughtful for a moment, the corners of his mouth dropping in what must be a rarely received rest. Gavin waited patiently, hoping he was not overstepping.

"Well, yeah. I mean, Evan doesn't always give me all the details, but..." Xavier said, looking at the sky, "...yeah, he's serving her. And from the brief moment she possessed me, she seemed pretty intent at... uh... getting at him."

Gavin choked a cough for a moment, "Wait--possessed you?"

Xavier looked at Gavin sheepishly, "Oh, yeah. It was just for a minute. Evan and I were wrestling around. Evan made her promise not to do it again, and she hasn't."

Gavin blinked, stunned and unsure how to respond.

Xavier continued, "But, like, she's a goddess. I'm not exactly going to be jealous of a goddess. That would be... weird. They're kinda in their own category, you know? And as long as Evan keeps coming back... I mean, it's not as though... Well, Evan doesn't like... owe me anything."

Gavin started to get nervous as Xavier's tone of voice began to falter, and he thought Xavier might be close to tears.

Xavier shook his head and smiled wanly, saying, "Evan said he would have a difficult time... uh... doing the one-night stand thing with me. So, it's like more than that? But I don't really know how much more."

Xavier sat down on the ground, then, propping his head up with an elbow on his knee, "Wow, uh... yeah. This is complicated."

Gavin followed suit, sitting on the ground across from Xavier. The last thing Gavin wanted was to make this all more complicated, but he came here to say the thing, and the knots in his stomach were not going to let him end the conversation without saying it.

"Have you thought about, like..." Gavin looked up at the sky, unable to meet Gavin's eyes, "do you think the goddess will want Evan to interact with the other volunteers?" He hoped that by keeping it general, he could avoid sounding like he was into Evan. That wasn't exactly the outcome he was hoping for.

Xavier's face traveled quickly through a series of increasingly uncomfortable expressions before he became a bit more serene and finally smiled, though there was still water in his eyes.

"Evan talked about..." Xavier winced, and the hairs on the back of Gavin's neck stood on end, "...well, the goddess... it sounds like things haven't always been consensual with her." Xavier looked at Gavin with worry, a face that Gavin had never seen on Xavier before. That in and of itself was alarming, but Gavin was still scrambling to process what Xavier was saying and what it meant for him.

Xavier continued, "It sounds like Evan made it clear that that was... unacceptable, and she made it up to him somehow, but it sounds like it was between Evan and someone else. I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't be telling you this, but... on the other hand, you probably deserve to know."

Gavin blinked, his fingers clenching and unclenching. He kind of frantically started brushing his hands down his thighs. His brain couldn't help offering extremely vivid images of the goddess telling Evan to... well... have sex with Gavin whether Gavin liked it or not. Gavin was deeply uncomfortable and confused about how aroused the thought was making him. What a fantasy to have about his friend's new lover. Gods!

"Does that... change your mind about going?" Xavier asked, offering his hands to Gavin in support. Gavin took them, squeezing for a moment before letting them go. It was honestly... too sweet that Xavier wanted to comfort Gavin when Xavier surely had incredibly complicated feelings about all this himself.

Gavin took a deep breath, unsure how his friend would take his answer and worried that it might make him look bad. "Uh... no, I don't think so," Gavin said, looking down. "I... I want to help the army, and I want... I want to know what she's like. I want to know if she can... help me. Is that... do you think that's wrong?"

Xavier shook his head and smiled genuinely for the first time since this conversation began. "I think that's brave." Xavier said, and Gavin started crying, not realizing how grateful he was to hear it.

"But what about you?" Gavin asked, getting his tears under control and wiping his face. "Are you really okay with all this?"

Xavier pulled his mouth to one side in thought. "Well, if I ever see the goddess again myself, I'm going to give her a piece of my mind, goddess or no," Xavier said defiantly. "But I bet Evan's already given her an earful. And you shouldn't do anything you don't want to do. If I understand what I heard at the meeting with the volunteers yesterday, you should have the choice to disobey her. I know that will be scary, but... you deserve to be treated with respect. I bet Evan would back you up." Gavin nodded. Xavier then seemed to realize that he had sidestepped Gavin's question and continued.

"Apart from that, it's maybe not the romance I envisioned for myself, but..." Xavier grinned widely, "it is exciting, if I'm being honest. And maybe I'm crazy, but... Evan's really keen on protecting me. I think he... I think he..." Xavier faltered for a moment as though reaching for a word and failing to find it. Finally, he shook his head and hit his own thighs, saying, "I don't know, Gavin, I have a feeling in my gut that Evan cares about me. Like, a lot. Maybe it's wishful thinking, but my grandma always told me to trust my gut first."

Gavin nodded, allowing for a moment of silence. He gulped as he realized there was another question he needed to ask. "And if I... well, what if I... If the goddess tells me to do something, and I do want to..." Gavin winced, positive that that wasn't the right way to go about this.

Xavier's eyes got wide, and after a moment, he punched Gavin playfully in the shoulder, "Oh my gods! You are still crushing! I can hardly blame you. Evan has great legs." Gavin shushed Xavier as Xavier started laughing, and Gavin didn't know if the sound was genuine.

"Not so loud," Gavin said, but he started giggling, too. Xavier was always this contagious.

Xavier wiped his eyes, and Gavin was reasonably certain it was because of the laughter. Maybe it was genuine.

"Is it weird that that doesn't bother me?" Xavier asked, more serious now. "It would be a huge relief to hear that all of you had the time of your life together. I just, you know, also want to have the time of my life. Ideally, privately. In Evan's tent. Later. When, you know, he comes back." Xavier grinned sheepishly, and Gavin realized he really loved Xavier, then. It was a divine sort of love, Gavin thought. The kind where you were just so grateful that someone like that existed in the world and needed to offer gratitude to the gods about it.

"I don't think it's weird," Gavin said, "I think it's beautiful."

"Just, you know, maybe tell me what all happens whenever you get back," Xavier said with something of a smirk on his face.

"I promise," Gavin said, holding out his pinky finger. Xavier took it readily, and Gavin was thoroughly grateful that it seemed like their friendship was going to weather this.

"So... uh... is there anyone else you'd be excited to interact with?" Xavier asked, his eyebrows raising and lowering mischievously. Gavin laughed and then considered everyone he had showed up at the volunteer meeting.

"...Lance?"

Xavier laughed heartily, "I knew it!"

Gavin continued thoughtfully, "I mean... I'm, like, open to... most people." Gavin shrugged and offered a shy smile.

"Oh my gods, Gavin!" Xavier said playfully. "You player!" Gavin lifted his hands in surrender.

"I mean, it really would depend on... a lot of things, but... I'm looking forward to the chance to... explore."

Xavier nodded. "Well, in all seriousness, I'm hopeful and excited for you. I wish you all the best on your journey."

Gavin smiled gratefully. "Thank you, Xavier. You're really a true friend." Gavin smiled, holding his tongue on saying that he was going to miss Xavier. He didn't want to make this harder. They had already said their goodbyes.

"You too, Gavin. You too," Xavier said. The two of them stood up and hugged then, and the knots in Gavin stomach started to unclench. He could breathe a little easier again.

--

((OOC: I'm going to post again, but probably not for a bit. Hang tight.))

((OOC: If my count is correct, we've got Chris, Lance, Chloe, Gavin, and Novelty left. Gavin is happy to go whenever there is a bit of a lull, but I do think he would hesitate this time more than others on account of Nathan's crying. He's a bit affected.))

Much of the rest of the day passed uneventfully for Gavin. Though it felt like he had been waiting an eternity when they all finally started lining up to head to the meadow, Gavin also felt like almost no time had passed at all. He shifted a little uncomfortably having been one of the first to arrive. When Lance showed up, he blushed and had to look away. He doggedly did not look at Evan. He didn't think he could handle it just then. When they all marched to the ceremony clearing, Gavin looked intently for Xavier and found him standing off to one side. He offered Xavier a little wave and a smile. From the look of it, he had a done a wonderful job preparing.

Once the ceremony began and Mizu gave a rousing speech, the priestess took back control and asked Trevor to undress, washing him thoroughly. A pit sank to the bottom of Gavin's stomach. Was she going to ask everyone to undress? Gavin had taken great effort not to be naked around anyone at camp, and now he was going to need to expose himself to everyone? As his breathing came faster, fueling his anxiety, he tried to remind himself that he wouldn't be the only one naked. He tried to catch Chloe's eye, but she was paying rapt attention to everything the priestess was doing, even moreso once Trevor's offering was announced. Gavin was mesmerized at the display of Captain Kade tying Trevor up. Trevor might have been second on Gavin's list after Lance if Xavier had pressed any further, even though Gavin wasn't sure the quiet, muscular man would want much of anything to do with Gavin.

When the chorus began, celebrating Trevor's decision to serve the goddess, Gavin felt a new resolve. Everyone did sound... genuinely pleased and grateful, even the commander. What a wild world this was. Gavin was suddenly very proud to be at the center of it all with these other people. He remembered what Xavier had said about being brave, and he stood up a little straighter.

Nick decided to go next, and Gavin's stomach clenched as he started to undress. Gavin soothed himself thinking about his interaction with one of the objects in Nick's bag, however, a feather that Nick patiently caressed over Gavin's collarbone. Gavin was certain that everything in that bag would be a welcome gift to the goddess.

Gavin chimed in with the chorus this time, feeling more and more a part of the group. Philip went next, and Gavin saw Evan visibly tense as the man approached. Given Evan's reaction to Philip's appearance the day before during the volunteer meeting, Evan's stance now, and what Xavier had told Gavin about it all, he started to piece some things together. Gavin began to suspect that Philip was at least one of the people involved in whatever had happened nonconsensually.

That understanding cemented when the priestess asked Philip what his offering would be and he said, "Reconciliation."

Watching the man undress, full of careful decisions about how to face as he did so, Gavin thought that maybe Philip had been the one responsible, having been told by the goddess to do something to Evan. Evan... did not look to be handling it well, but Gavin told himself that surely Evan would have asked Philip not to go if it was really a problem. And the fact that both of them were willing to still go through with all this despite everything... that was a good sign, was it not? Gavin looked at Xavier, wondering if his friend was catching on in all the same ways.

The priestess spent a long time washing Philip, and Gavin was almost positive that there must be some tangible substance of shame on the man's body. But that was absurd, right? Still, with every stroke of the woman's steaming cloth, Philip seemed to relax a little deeper. It was like watching magic happen right in front of him. Gavin felt his own muscles loosening in sympathy. Maybe everything really was going to be okay.

Nathan decided to go next. It was only then that Gavin realized he had been waiting on everyone else to speak up, not even considering going next himself. He looked around at the remaining volunteers, realizing that his turn would come sooner rather than later.

After their talk the previous day after the meeting, Gavin felt kinship with Nathan. Nathan knew more than most of them, and still he was going back, like Philip. After what seemed like a bit of awkward scrambling, Nathan asked Captain Nicolaides to read a poem for him, and her voice resounded loudly with Nathan's words. When a chorus of the first line rang out through the army and the clearing--too quickly for Gavin to catch on--he felt a sense of awe. They really were all doing this together, even if Captain Miller and Captain Bronwen were still back at camp. By the time Nicolaides boomed out the beginning of the second stanza, Gavin chimed in loudly, happy to participate. He was a little sad when the poem was over and surprised when he looked over to find Nathan already undressed.

As the priestess washed Nathan, he started to cry, and Gavin began to get worried about him. Was he going to back out now? Or was he just overwhelmed and embarrassed from having his poem spoken out to such a large crowd? Was he afraid? Ashamed? Grateful? Gavin really didn't know, and it made him nervous. Had anyone told Nathan about the potential dangers regarding consent with the goddess? Xavier made it sound like Gavin was maybe the only other person who knew. But then Gavin remembered that Nathan had already been to the goddess once. He knew more than most what to expect. Gavin took a deep breath and decided to trust Nathan. When the priestess drew a sigil on Nathan's cheek, he looked genuinely happy and grateful. And when the priestess asked if Nathan would serve the goddess of his own free will, he answered in the affirmative with more confidence than Gavin had ever heard in Nathan.

Gavin watched Nathan step into the circle and was startled somehow when the commander shouted, "To the goddess!"

But by the time the chant got to the rest of them, Gavin was ready to echo the sentiment.

"Who is next to offer themselves to the goddess?" Gavin's stomach dropped, somewhat belatedly. It was getting down to the wire, and he was going to need to go one of these times. He looked at Lance and Chris, Chloe and Novelty. Novelty had already arranged to go last, and Gavin envied that certainty. But before Gavin could fully decide, Chloe had already stepped forward, and Gavin held his breath, terrified for her but also grateful that he didn't need to go before her, even though that thought didn't make him feel very brave.

Chloe watched the proceedings with enrapt awe, so deeply relieved and grateful for the reverence that was present. She'd been quite nervous that this would be a bawdy affair, which persisted as Trevor began to undress--flared, even, as she realized she might need to remove even her own offering, in front of everyone--but the way the priestess washed him and then how Kade tied him both put her at ease. She could tell there were things about it all that she couldn't quite understand, but she appreciated the opportunity to let her curiosity run wild as she watched the process. Her mind turned with amusement to her own offering, finding some parallels, though she doubted many others would make them--and in fact, she wouldn't want them to. It was in the physical sensation, mostly, or at least, so she imagined. It made her feel curious about being tied with rope like Kade was doing to Trevor. Perhaps the goddess would be able to indulge her in that curiosity. There would surely be plenty of curiosities to explore, in any case.

Chills danced happily over Chloe's skin as the commander and the captains and the crowd all echoed a cheer, "To the goddess!", celebrating Trevor's offering. Nick surprised her with a few boisterous sobs next to her, but when she looked to him, awe was plain on his face. She placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him an encouraging smile, and was glad to see him smile back as he wiped the tears from his eyes. Honestly, she thought he looked beautiful.

Then, the priestess asked who would go next, and Chloe could tell they all felt nervous. She didn't feel ready to go yet; was it selfish to want to watch more of the others go before her? Would it be all right to turn around and watch after she was in the circle? Her eyes felt greedy for all the new and interesting things she had opportunity to witness. She looked around at the other volunteers, trying to gauge if they were all similarly stalled, though many of them seemed more... withdrawn than that. She frowned a little, not wanting to be judgmental, but, she supposed, just, sad, about the struggles that many of her companions felt weighed down by.

Nick ultimately stepped forward, though, and she smiled, happy with that outcome. A sweet, warm pride gently glowed in her chest as she watched him, and she reminisced fondly about his offering--how she'd helped him crystallize the idea, how she'd seen many of his interactions throughout the day. It was truly beautiful, and she'd been honored to participate. Honestly, she felt excited to be going to the goddess with Nick. It seemed like he would be a good friend to have there. He was positively radiant by the time he stepped through the circle, and excitement swirled in Chloe's chest to join him.

Lieutenant Pemberley volunteered to go next, though, which Chloe decided she was proud of him for. She still didn't understand exactly what he was going through, and she was a little bit hurt that he hadn't wanted to share more with her, but she tried to just be happy that it seemed he was making progress, and she felt hopeful for the way he seemed to be returning to the goddess. Reconciliation sounded very good, and Chloe thought that the boquet he had gathered was lovely.

Chloe was starting to feel eager to go now, but she realized that she didn't want to go before Nathan. She wanted to join him, rather than leave him. Maybe that was selfish, or over-protective, but she thought he would appreciate it, and in any case, it was simply what she wanted. So, she gently nudged him when the priestess invited the next volunteer, not forcing him out of line, but encouraging. He hesitated, but did step forward, tossing only a brief uncertain glance back to Chloe once he did. She felt for him as he floundered about reading his poem, and she grew a little startled and nervous when the priestess directed him toward the other captains.

All at once, Chloe felt ridiculous for not thinking to tell the priestess about Captain Fujiwara--about the ember goddess. She'd been so preoccupied with which of the other volunteers to tell, she hadn't even considered the priestess, and she somehow felt she owed her an apology about that. Surely Fujiwara would tell her when the time was right, though. Chloe supposed there was an argument that she had slighted Nathan by not telling him, but she'd genuinely worried about overwhelming him. He seemed positively resolved to return to misty goddess, and telling him about a fractured ember goddess only seemed like it would make things harder for him. Perhaps she'd reckon with that decision, but she stood by it.

In any case, Fujiwara politely waved off Nathan's interest, which was probably wise. It had seemed risky enough for her to participate in Chloe's offering. She looked so sad, though, and Chloe felt that sorrow in her own chest, too. What must it be like for a god of poetry to decline reading a poem? But of course, this ceremony wasn't for her, and Chloe admired the self-restraint.

Captain Nicholaides read Nathan's poem instead, and did a wonderful job. Chloe enjoyed the chills that danced over her skin as Nathan's words were spoken into the air around them. He'd been very private about his poem--he was always very private about his writing--and it was elating to have it shared. Nathan was understandably uncomfortable with it, and Chloe wished she could stand next to him and hold his hand. But, he gathered his resolve and began to undress, and Chloe watched him with a smile as she took in the words of his poem. They made her feel a little bit melancholy, but mostly, she felt excited. The world that he painted with his words sounded beautiful, and Chloe was eager to visit it.

So, she stepped forward promptly when the priestess asked for the next volunteer.

"I will," she proclaimed with a bright, airy happiness, and walked smoothly toward the priestess, offering her a respectful nod. Excitement bloomed even just to interact with this woman, to be a participant in her craft as they moved through this ceremony together. She was elated to feel this way about her turn--rather than the awkward, defensive discomfort she had anticipated, she felt easy and flowing and open, delighted with the way everything had unfolded so far.

"And what will your offering to the goddess be?"

Chloe looked over her shoulder toward Captain Fujiwara, unable to help offering the captain her gaze for a moment. Fujiwara smiled a little bit sadly, and Chloe gently set her hand on her chest as she offered the captain--the goddess--a nod of gratitude and understanding.

But, what to say of her offering?

"Adornment," she allowed the word to flow directly from her mind to her lips as it surfaced, and she felt happy with it.

"Please, undress," the priestess said, and Chloe's fingers were already on the buttons of her jacket, happy to begin the work of undoing them. She didn't normally wear her jacket closed, but she also didn't normally wear what she wore underneath it.

As she shrugged her jacket off and placed it on the ground, she revealed a bustier she had crafted--with Fujiwara's help, as well as some others. The main body of the garment across and beneath her breasts was a patchwork of a couple different scraps from uniforms that had worn out. There was grief in some of the material that they used, but Chloe was hopeful that she offered it due reverence, and that everything was in harmony with her bringing this fabric to a beautiful place, to serve a beautiful purpose. They had shaped it well for her body, even laid the seams to cross her beasts in interesting ways. They had also adorned it with what jewelry Chloe had available--some she had brought with her, and a precious couple gifts from others in camp. She'd been so moved and humbled by those gifts, so grateful those soldiers had wanted to send pieces of their hearts to the goddess in her care. And, they had affixed a number of criss-crossing braided straps, over her shoulders as sleeves and also around her lower ribcage to add additional interest to the shape--and the sensation of wearing the garment, though that had been more of a private interest of Chloe's than a part of the collaborative design.

She then knelt down to remove her boots, wanting to get out of her military uniform entirely before removing her offering to be washed. If she'd known about that part, she would have simply brought her offering to change into after, rather than wearing it from the start, but, she certainly hadn't wanted to show up to the goddess still needing to don it, if the order of the eveing had gone differently. She made quick work of removing her boots and stepping out of her pants--and in so doing, revealing the second part of her outfit.

The base was a pair of underwear--the best-condition pair that she had. They had affixed more braided straps to it, criss-crossing over her pubic mound and tail bone and draping over her hips and glutes in ways that she thought were very pleasing. Some braided straps also hung from each hip, swaying against her legs as she moved. It made her feel like a dancer, and she twirled with her arms spread, one leg swooping through the air before landing to stabilize her, serenity lighting her expression.

Some self-consciousness colored her cheeks as she landed from whatever that brief whim had been. Had that been egotistical of her? But, well, she was proud of the outfit they had crafted together, and, assured that the audience tonight was not inclined to lewd hollering or the like, she had genuinely wanted to show it off. She looked to the priestess, perhaps just checking in to see what she could read of the woman's expression. Finding nothing to deter her, she then set her fingers to work untying the straps of her bustier around her ribs, and loosening the makeshift corset they had fashioned in the back, allowing her to slip the garment over her head, her breasts gently falling into the cool night air with a shiver. She then gingerly slipped out of her braid-adorned underwear, placing both pieces of her offering atop her military uniform for now, and then making her way over to the priestess. Nervousness freshly bubbled, but she was hopeful for a serene and beautiful exchange.

((OOC: Yeahhhhhhhhhhh Fujiwara definitely wove some magic into that; I don't think she would have been able to help it. I think, mostly, feelings? Happy to add about that if/as needed. I figure if nothing else, it's things that Dehaljadrun will probably pick up on, but the priestess might, too. Let me know if you'd like me to describe more; maybe make a post from Yukiko's pov lol.

Also, let me know if I breezed past any notable reactions from the priestess. Figured it was better to make some assumptions than force small posts at awkward times, but I'm happy to retcon if there's anything you think should have gone differently.

Also also, there's lots about the specific pieces of jewelry and scraps of fabric that were used that we could flesh out. Yukiko and Chloe and whoever they invited to help would have been very thoughtful about what they chose, Emily just doesn't know what all those choices were right now. I figure we can leave those open-ended, but invitation to participate in the weaving of those stories as desired.))

Gavin watched with some trepidation as Chloe approached the priestess, but Chloe looked so graceful and confident. Gavin was impressed.

"And what will your offering to the goddess be?" the priestess asked.

"Adornment," Chloe said, and Gavin shivered in what he thought was delight.

"Please, undress." Chloe was already ahead of her, undoing the buttons on her jacket. And suddenly, Gavin understood why. She was wearing a... bra? of sorts. A really decorative one, even though it looked to have been pieced together from old uniforms. Gavin gaped a little, impressed with the craftsmanship. From what he could see in the firelight, there were crisscrossed straps and jewelry--some of which Gavin thought he had seen around camp before--which all accentuated Chloe perfectly. It was incredible that she had been able to make such a garment so quickly! Gavin envied the skill, a little.

Chloe unlaced her boots and stepped out of her pants with equal fastidiousness, revealing more braided straps over a pair of underwear. Chloe twirled with her arms spread, lifting one leg like a dancer, before settling back down. Gavin made a sound of surprise and wonder and then looked around and down at the ground in embarrassment.

Gavin looked at the priestess, wondering how she felt about Chloe's outfit, but the old woman continued to be neutral and unreadable.

Finally, Chloe started unlacing even her offering to the goddess, and Gavin thought he saw a little nervousness at last. She was still practical about the ways she removed the adornments, shivering in the cold air. Chloe laid the garment on top of the pile of clothing the soldiers were leaving behind, and Gavin's stomach clenched for a moment, worrying that she might leave it behind. But, surely not.

The priestess, waiting for the water to be exchanged, dipped her new cloth and approached Chloe. She washed Chloe methodically, as she had the others, the rhythm and pace of it starting to feel meditative as Gavin watched. Then came the scented oil, after which Chloe was glistening and radiant. Gavin thought, for a moment, that he saw something of the goddess in her, or at least, Gavin's imagination of the goddess.

With a patient hand, the priestess drew Chloe's sigil with clay just underneath the center of Chloe's collarbone.

At last, the priestess whispered something to Chloe, holding her hands on each of Chloe's shoulders.

((OOC: The priestess told Chloe she is free to choose whether to dress again or not. She imagines Chloe will decide before she steps into the circle. And, also, I'm imagining that all the volunteers already in the circle are turned around to watch.))

Had any god ever witnessed a ceremony of worship for another? Surely not in precisely this way. Yukiko held a dense, fiery grief in her heart, a jealousy she wasn't used to burning at her from the inside. Most of the religious ceremonies she had ever participated in throughout her mortal life, she realized, were for Horu--for her. Even this one felt like it could be--Kade's expert tying of rope in decorative knots, and oh, good glory, Finch's poem! It had been absolutely heartbreaking to decline reading it, but she genuinely didn't know what would have happened if she had. She was holding a great dam closed within her, and she could not risk letting it go, not until the goddess of mist got what was rightfully hers for the evening.

What Yukiko did allow herself was to close her eyes and listen to the poem. Possible optics be damned, she did not join in echoing the stanzas that Nicholaides led, but rather allowed the words to sink into her. It didn't feel like taking anything away from the goddess of desire; rather, this felt more like enjoying heat from a fire, where there was plenty to go around. She did grieve that Cadet Finch would be leaving them, that his poetry wouldn't remain among the army here. Perhaps it would inspire others, though. Surely, like heat from a fire, there was plenty of poetry to go around.

Cadet Galen went next after Finch, and Yukiko placed a hand on her chest, drawing in a deep breath to brace herself. Galen leaving was even more devastating than Finch. Devastating, and a little bit worrisome. Would the goddess of mist know who had helped Galen with her garment? Would she realize what Yukiko was? Would she tell Evan before Yukiko would be able to? All of these questions had swirled in her mind from the moment Galen had asked for her help, but in the end, she simply hadn't had it in her to turn down the cadet's request. It had been a delight to spend much of the day in the cadet's company--to feel worshipped by her, even as they crafted a gift to another goddess together. In truth, the garment itself was not exactly the gift, though. It might have been the gift for a ceremony to Horu, but for Dehaljadrun, the gift lay more in the wearing than in the making--in how the garment made Galen feel to don.

This seemed like an egotistical thought, but Yukiko wondered if Horu would have understood that difference, or if the god without human perspective would be blinded by the gift that she’d want to see. What a strange existence this was. Yukiko longed dearly for someone else in the world to answer her breeze.

But of course, ideally, after this ceremony was complete.

Galen was a little shy about taking off her garment, but once she did, she looked both serene and radiant as the priestess washed and oiled her. Although jealous and some degree mournful, Yukiko was hopeful that Galen had made the right choice for herself. She did look beautiful as she re-donned her ceremonial garments, and carried herself with grace and eagerness as she crossed the line. She even tossed Evan an interesting glance on her way past him--something Yukiko might call flirtatious, lacking a more precise word for it. He didn’t catch it, though, having bowed across from the priestess as he’d done for each of the volunteers.

More emotions than Yukiko could name constricted her throat into a tangled mess. It hurt terribly, and there was no way she could echo the commander’s call to the goddess this time. As it was, she’d only barely managed it with Finch. She grew worried as the ache throbbed, growing hot and pulsing. She was holding in emotion that wanted to be expressed. She was obscuring the truth of herself from those around her. She felt like she was going to explode. Even more terrifying was the thought that she genuinely might. She’d summoned fire before, what was one more spontaneous conflagration?

Yukiko’s wet, fiery eyes turned to find the commander, her mind frantically debating whether she should silently bow out to avoid misfortune, or whether there was something to say--some way to express what she needed to express that would be in harmony with the ceremony, rather than detracting from. But she couldn’t think of anything that would be satisfying to say that would be harmonious. She was jealous, at the core of it. On account of Evan, and Galen and Finch, and on account of the whole of the rebel army--or, well, the large chunk of it who stood here in this clearing, tangible worship to a goddess who wasn’t her.

There wasn’t much the commander could do for her right now, though, and so she quickly turned her eyes away, instead trying to find Cadet Ansari. Lieutenant Reilley. She balled her fist against her chest, reminding herself of the blessings she’d given each of those soldiers, the warmth of Horu they both carried in their hearts. She would be worshipped. Evan and Galen and Finch and all the other volunteers had something unique that was worth grieving, to be sure, but she could feel her heart loosening, letting go of a sense of possession. There were plenty of beautiful humans, plenty of magnificent truths and passions to celebrate, she didn't need to covet those who were choosing to pledge themselves to another.

Tears did stream down Yukiko’s cheeks, but the knot in her throat dissipated, a smile on her face as she offered Ansari and Reilley silent gratitude and returned her attention to the ceremony at hand.

((OOC: Just, uh, decided it was time to check in on how Yukiko's doing with all this. Wheeeee.))

When Chloe began to redress, Gavin felt a hardening pit in his stomach, right next to a sizzling ball of anxiety. What did it mean that Chloe was getting dressed when everyone else was naked? But then Gavin realized that she was simply wearing her offering the way Trevor was wearing his, and at least the pit in his stomach dissipated. It made sense to him now.

But then, with a resounding voice as though the priestess was gaining energy with each offering who had crossed the line, the old woman shouted, "And who will be next to offer themselves to the goddess?"

Your turn, a voice inside Gavin's mind said. He was positive it was a feminine voice, and it startled him. Where had that come from? Was it the goddess? Was she going to possess him like she did Xavier? But, no, nothing was happening, and Chris and Lance hadn't responded to the call yet, either. It seemed like it genuinely was time.

"I w-will," Gavin said, immediately wincing at the waver in his high-pitched voice. He stepped forward, though, a little off balance, walking toward where Evan and the priestess stood. Gavin smiled a little at Evan, hoping to catch his eye and maybe scoop up some of Evan's confidence. He really did look quite majestic in the clothes the goddess had given him.

When he was square in front of the priestess and Evan, the two of them forming something of a doorway into the inner circle, the priestess asked, "What will your offering to the goddess be?"

Gavin had decided on his offering, but he hadn't fully thought about how he would present it exactly. He squirmed in place for a few awkward moments of silence before he finally just started taking his clothes off.

He started with his shirt, pulling it up over his head, revealing the bandages he wore across his chest. Painstakingly, he unwound them, glancing for a moment at Trevor and his ropes. Underneath, his small breasts crisscrossed with welts and impressions from the tight binding. Gavin looked down as he placed the bandages onto the growing pile of clothing they were all leaving behind. Biting his lip, he bent down to unlace his boots, first one then the other, lamenting that he would be leaving them here, too. Would the goddess' realm be kind to his feet? Would the goddess give him some shoes? He didn't know, but none of the other volunteers had them. He needed to trust.

Setting the boots aside, Gavin unbuttoned his pants carefully, not looking at anyone as he stared at the ground just inside the inner circle from where he stood. Just a few more steps until he would get to join the others. He needed to do this. He could do this. Glancing up at Evan for a split second, he pulled off one pantleg and then the other, almost falling to one side in the process.

Finally, left in only his underwear, he turned around briefly to face the rest of the camp and his commander, making himself look at their faces as he spun a slow circle, letting them see the bulge in his underwear, if they were looking. Once he had turned fully back to the priestess and Evan, he slid the underwear off, one hand holding the bulge so it wouldn't fall out of the cloth. Carefully, he pulled the cloth away from the leather packer and placed his underwear on the pile of discarded clothing. He held the packer up to eye level to Evan and the priestess. It was old, frayed on the edges where it had been sown and stuffed, and if Gavin was being honest, it didn't smell great any more. It smelled like... well, him. His sweat, his body.

He turned again and held the packer up to the crowd, projecting his voice as loudly as he could, "I've worn this every day for almost ten years. It's been as much a part of my body as I could make it. I offer it to the goddess now." He turned back toward Evan and the priestess, his eyes brimming with pride from having spoken clearly and true. He bit his lip again, nervous once more.

The priestess nodded and took a proffered cloth, steaming as it was with the hot water from the cauldron. The old woman had kind eyes, Gavin thought before closing his own just before the cloth touched his skin. She started with his head, dripping some of the water down his shoulders and making him shiver with pleasure. Then, she tenderly wiped his face and pulled tears gently from his eyes. She dipped the cloth in hot water and rubbed it over his shoulders while he held his packer in both hands in front of himself. The priestess reached under his armpits and down his forearms, washing his hands one at a time, and finally, washing the packer as well just as tenderly as she washed everything else. Tears of gratitude started to stream down Gavin's face in earnest now.

The old woman continued her washing of Gavin's torso and hips, backside and over his pubic mound. She washed his legs and feet. By the time the priestess brought the oil to his skin, Gavin found his muscles relaxed and warm. He felt like he was glowing with some kind of magic. He felt... good.

"Do you intend to serve the goddess of desire, of shadow, of mist, and of purpose of your own free will?" Gavin suddenly felt a little guilty that he had gotten lost in the experience of the oil such that he barely realized it was over. He opened his eyes and nodded emphatically, feeling more sure of his decision than ever before.

"Yes! Yes, I do."

Reaching down to scoop up some clay, the priestess drew a sigil on Gavin's diaphragm.

"Then, please, step into the circle." Gavin did so, a wide smile on his face as he passed through the priestess and Evan, stepping carefully over the line of salt and herbs to take his place amongst the other volunteers.

"Who is next to offer themselves to the goddess?" The priestess asked, and Gavin was grateful he was already on this side of the line.

Lance had tried and tried and tried, but no offering he could think of felt quite right. He’d contemplated being blindfolded, or gagged maybe. A vow of silence? But surely the offering shouldn’t be a sacrifice, per se. Not something that he’d genuinely lament. But how could he be humble without lament? He relished in his bravado, and he wasn’t entirely sure what he’d be without it. If he could be without it.

So at times, he tried to ignore the priestess’ advice altogether. Perhaps he could dance for the goddess, then--that was the plan he ultimately showed up with, but his confidence flagged nearly constantly about it. If only he’d arrived at that plan earlier, he could have rehearsed something, gotten together a costume sort of like Chloe had done perhaps. Instead, he stood in the line of volunteers with nothing special on him, only a thousand half-baked ideas, and a terrible buzzing anxiety eviscerating him from the inside.

To make matters worse, he hadn’t gotten any time at all to sync up with Mizu. With the commander. Of course he hadn’t; surely it had been absurd to hope. He just wished they’d been able to part more spaciously, not hurrying off in the night to address a tragedy. He could swear he caught melancholy glances from the commander as she started the ceremony off, but he didn’t quite know what to make of them. She didn’t regret their evening together, did she? Surely not. Did he? No, only that it made his chest ache, further shredding his body--was there enough left for the goddess to even accept?

His buzzing anxiety only grew worse each time the priestess called for the next volunteer, and the next. He stood nearly frozen as he watched the other volunteers go, each of them so sure in their offerings. He managed his usual smile--he was pretty sure, anyway--hoping that the crowd, at least, wouldn’t catch on until it was obviously his turn. It was likely conspicuous that Lieutenant Holloway of all people was hanging back, though. Surely on a good day, he’d have leapt at the opportunity to parade around naked and oiled in front of a fire, ogled in this a most delicious of ways. And yet. Dread kept him still, even began to nag at him to simply run away. Even if his plan was to dance, could he, now? With his body internally frayed and his will to move evaporated? A vow of silence was seeming more and more appealing by the moment, but that was no offering. What if he showed up offending her right from the start, was that truly worth “the story”?

Mercifully, Gavin’s offering actually helped. He’d started stripping straight away, and Lance thought that was possibly within his power as well, if he didn’t have to state outright what he was actually offering. Granted, in the end it was clear that Gavin had a plan, his offering held against his naked body. Lance was surprised by all that--that Gavin had been hiding so much about his body. But he felt happy for Gavin--like, surely those bindings around his chest were a relief to leave behind? Lance explored some curiosity about what might be relieving for him to leave behind, and his body did relax a little, some feeling returning to his gut, though anxiety spiked again when the priestess asked once more for the next volunteer.

Lance looked over at Chris and Novelty. It had been decided already that Novelty would go last, and Chris glared at Lance, unbudging. Hoo boy. Lance’s arm raised itself above his head, almost without Lance even realizing--at least until his whole body went numb in the wake of the gesture. But he shook something loose, some stubborn-ass determination at the core of him to go with some kind of flow, to not be the kind of person to get stuck, when it fully came down to it. A cascade of letting go tore through him, then, and Lance felt like he was falling from a thousand miles up in the sky, but at last, his body moved.

Lance pivoted toward the priestess, his expression a bright and thrilling smile as he took a step forward and his throat bellowed out a primal, ecstatic sound as his fist seemed to grasp tight to something above him and yank it down fiercely to his side.

“Heyy-yeyy-YAH!”

It was something like a war cry, something like a song, something like a wailing plead. Shivers danced down Lance’s back, his memory placing the sound only after it had erupted from him and echoed potently in the air, leaving a phantom ringing in his ears. It was like a cry echoed forward in time, a sacred he had given up on and nearly forgotten circling back only now, only when he could no longer hold up his guard against it. He wondered if anyone else here had ever heard that particular cry; quite likely not.

A queasiness slithered through his stomach, then, as the thought followed that his tribe may not appreciate him airing precisely what he’d just aired. But, he couldn’t allow himself to be constrained by that concern, either. Tears began to blur his vision as he felt himself slowly coming to an understanding, and the feeling in his body began to come back into focus, raw and aching and tender. There were no expectations he could meet. All he could do was show up exactly as he was, and stop trying to concoct a ruse to sneak in under.

“I will offer myself to the goddess,” Lance announced to the priestess, and to Evan, and the crowd--and the commander. His eyes landed on Mizu’s last, and he wondered what she saw in them. Maybe she caught glimpses last night of what was coming out now, but he wasn’t sure. He felt both wild and serene in this moment; both feral and divine; beside himself with both profound grief and unintelligible ecstacy.

Mizu heard the ringing, rallying speech she had given at the beginning of the ceremony in her mind for a long while, even as the volunteers began to offer themselves formally to the goddess. That began to fell away only as she watched Captain Kade maneuver the ropes around Trevor with a deftness that she supposed shouldn't have surprised her. Kade was skilled at many things, although this in particular did prompt some curiosity about where in the world Kade learned and practiced such a thing. That was a matter for another day, however, and the commander quickly found herself hypnotized by the movements of the ropes.

When the priestess looked at Mizu again to send Trevor off, the words, "To the goddess," came out of her mouth before she fully knew what she was doing. But the words seemed to have the right effect. She was giving the army camp something to participate in. They were all a part of this ceremony. There were no true spectators.

The commander's attention was less on the volunteers as they each made their way into the circle, most of them standing nude, and more on the energy of the ceremony as a whole. She wanted to demonstrate that she was fully in support. She wanted to provide confidence and certainty. And, for the most part, her performance was genuine and authentic. Her conversations with Evan, Yukiko, Serio, and even Joseph had deepened her conviction. Whatever forces were at work in the universe--be them of the gods or of some natural order beyond them--had led them all to this moment.

It wasn't until Lance's arm shot up into the air that Mizu's composure began to wane. She had managed to avoid looking at him during all but her opening speech, but now her quietly roiling emotions--lament, worry, thrill, and grief--wormed their way up into her throat. She swallowed and blinked, now unable to take her eyes off Lance even for a moment. What would he bring as an offering? She felt as though she had offered him essentially no help. Momentarily, Mizu wished they had been able to discuss it more earlier in the day, but the more rational part of her knew that wouldn't have been wise or really possible. No, Lance needed to do this on his own. He was going to the goddess on his own, after all.

What had been a light tug at her chest exploded as Lance pivoted from his place among the last few volunteers with as big of a smile as she had ever seen, a sound coming from his throat she had never heard.

“Heyy-yeyy-YAH!”

The sound was accompanied by a gesture--seeming to grab something in his fist from the sky and yank it down with force, almost as though he could pull the sky itself down around them all. Mizu looked around, assessing the camp's reaction to the display. There was some shifting discomfort but also some nodding of heads. The priestess' eyes were wide in the torchlight, and she conspicuously placed a hand over her heart. Without thinking, Mizu did the same, rubbing the ache that still subsided there. She wanted to cry--she wanted to go to Lance now and beg him not to go. But those thoughts couldn't be rational. They were too individualistic. That wouldn't be acting with any of the big picture of mind. And, ultimately, it would be selfish.

She had the urge to bury the way she felt, to stuff the emotions down deep into her core, crystallizing them there for later review. But, she didn't. She let whatever was going to flow flow, at least in the softness of her eyes. Lance had done something profound here, even if Mizu had not fully understood it. She trusted him, and she trusted the goddess to know what it meant. Mizu hoped the goddess would appreciate how much Lance would leaving behind.

"I will offer myself to the goddess," Lance announced, looking at the priestess, then Evan, then the crowd, then at Mizu. A tiny sound, somewhere between a cough and a choke, fell out of Mizu's mouth before she could stop it. He was devastatingly beautiful in that moment, laid bare before he had even undress. His eyes danced and sparkled in the torchlight, and he looked... at peace. He looked like he was going... home. And it felt like he wanted to offer some of that peace... to her.

It was absolutely absurd, absolutely unhinged, the way her body wanted to fall to the ground and sob. She wasn't fully sure that it had only to do with her experience with this one man and their one, fleeting evening together so much as it had to do with that notion of home, of knowing where she had come from. She heard the priestess' voice echo in her mind, "Oomizuao."

In order to keep standing, the commander had to promise herself, We will rebuild what it means to be home. And then, as Lance looked away, Mizu felt some small measure of peace cradle her aching heart, and the smallest of smiles appeared on her lips.

((OOC: I think I need to do another post from Tehlunae's perspective, but I decided to wait on that for now.))

Tehlunae waited patiently after her request for someone to step forward. As they got near to the end of the ceremony, she expected some amount of hesitation. She was surprised, then, when the blonde man with mid-length hair raised his arm into the air as though prepared to grasp something in the sky. As he pivoted to come toward her, the man--the lieutenant of one of the captains who had come to seek her counsel--made an otherworldly sound and brought his elbow down toward the ground. At once, she recognized the subtle magic he released--likely unwittingly to some degree--as it rippled in a mildly cold breeze through the gathered crowd. She heard a number of the volunteers behind her shiver momentarily.

Looking at this man, Lance, in the aftermath of his... offering--yes, it was an offering--the priestess saw his past laid bare, freely available. He was from a small village up in the desert province that worshipped Veil, and as a young child, he heard elders among his people make that sound and that gesture to signal that the ceremony was ready for Veil, the goddess of the in-between, of spaces. Strange to hear the sound here, now, in offering to another goddess. The priestess brought her hand to her chest, seeking understanding. As though in response, she saw a series of visions, watching Lance put on airs since leaving his village, adopting the cultures of everyone around him and abandoning his own. In making that ceremonial sound, he had reclaimed something, admitted something. It was, as she had suggested, humbling in its recognition of his roots.

"I will offer myself to the goddess," Lance announced, looking at Tehlunae but moving on quickly to Evan and the rest of the crowd. When Lance's attention came back to her, Tehlunae nodded in acceptance.

"Please, undress," she said, lowering the hand she held to her chest.