Written Wonderland

Nick's hand went a little limp in Rav's grip, and when Rav looked at him, Nick's lips fell into a frown. Had that been the wrong question to ask?

After a deep breath, Nick said, "Well... just now, I'm feeling pretty nervous. Like... I don't want to mess something up. Or bore you. Or not hold up my side of the conversation. But..."

Already they had approached Nick's house, and Nick stopped as though the sight of his place had interrupted his train of thought.

"Well," Nick said again, gesturing to the stairs with his free hand, though Rav was bolstered by the fact that Nick wore a sidelong smile now, some of the playfulness returning. "We're fast approaching a kind of big transition, I guess..." Nick said, and Rav couldn't help but remember the threshold they had stood on before entering the park bathroom. He tried not to wince. "...no matter what direction we end up going. It's felt a little intimidating to figure out how to..." Nick frowned, this time at the stairs. It made Rav want to make it easy on Nick and just offer to leave. "I guess, how to be in the present moment, instead of anticipating the transition. Maybe I didn't do a great job of it this last stretch."

Nick sighed, and Rav let out a pent-up breath, standing awkwardly at the foot of the stairs. He wasn't sure that was exactly an answer to his question, but it still gave him a lot of information.

"But, I'm feeling more present now. Still nervous, but... warm. Grounded. Here. ...How about you?"

Rav raised his eyebrows, somehow not expecting the question to be reflected back at him. He felt torn between the urge to reassure Nick that he was far from boring and the desire to just continue forward, allowing Nick's statements to fade in the air. Gods, he didn't know what to do. Rav let go of Nick's hand and rubbed his hands down his face, trying to figure it out.

Just... check in with yourself.

"Admittedly, still lingering a little in the story about the fence," Rav said, not looking at Nick, though one corner of his mouth was upturned. "And really not sure what the... decent thing to do is right now. I don't want to leave, but I also... I mean... I guess I've already put you through a lot today, and I can't promise that that won't keep happening."

That was all a lot of analysis, and it wasn't exactly positive. What was he really offering Nick here? More heaviness in the decision making? Rav frowned, and it was an effort to refrain from groaning at himself.

He took another deep breath and looked at Nick. Rav's seriousness immediately cracked and softened as he took in Nick's soft facial features and the fall of his hair. "It's hard to be bored with all these butterflies in my stomach," he added, and maybe that was the best he could do. He couldn't decide for Nick, not at his own house, not unless Rav just hightailed it and ran right now, which, granted, was tempting. But, he stayed rooted to the ground, awaiting Nick's judgment.

Rav raised his eyebrows, looking a little surprised. Nick almost felt an urge to giggle, but the moment seemed too serious. He was glad the urge had dissipated before Rav let go of Nick's hand, rubbing both his own hands down his face. Nick swallowed down a bubble of nervousness, trying to be patient.

"Admittedly, still lingering a little in the story about the fence," Rav said, not looking at Nick, though one corner of his mouth was upturned. Nick turned up his own crooked smile again, but remained quiet and still, giving Rav space.

"And really not sure what the... decent thing to do is right now. I don't want to leave, but I also... I mean... I guess I've already put you through a lot today, and I can't promise that that won't keep happening."

Rav frowned, looking almost pained. Nick's smile faded. He didn't want Rav to leave, either. But, maybe it was wise to part before they both got too tired? He felt awfully sad at the thought, though.

After a moment, Rav took a deep breath and met Nick's gaze. "It's hard to be bored with all these butterflies in my stomach," he said, and at last, a giggle bubbled up out of Nick, his expression lightening.

"Well in that case," Nick took a step up one stair, smiling back to Rav and offering his hand again--though he'd be content with it as just a welcoming gesture, if Rav wasn't ready for contact. "Come on inside. You need your backpack anyway, and... I really would like to keep spending time together, if you're up for it."

It was tempting to add a proposal for what that time might look like--more contact improv, or cuddling maybe; Nick could take his turn sharing a story...--but he didn't want to get ahead of himself. Inside first; cross that threshold, and then see where they were really at.

Nick giggled, and if Rav were freer with his affection, he could have kissed him he was so happy. The tension that had entered the air around them was lifting, and Rav felt immense relief.

"Well, in that case, " Nick said, mounting a stair and smiling back to Rav with an extended hand. Rav could hardly believe what he was seeing, dumbfounded. Nick was so beautiful, so welcoming. Rav felt, for a moment at least, like he belonged somewhere.

"Come on inside. You need your backpack anyway, and... I really would like to keep spending time together, if you're up for it." Finally, Rav accepted Nick's hand, noticing this time how soft Nick's hands were. They were both gentle in their touch, tentative, but that only made it all the more electric between them. Rav again regretted not having gotten himself off in Nick's bathroom as blood rushed in all directions, and his face flushed.

A flash of an image again came to mind as Nick led Rav back up the stairs---Nick underneath him as Rav distracted him with nibbling his ear while Nick tried to talk.

Rav wanted to grind, to put pressure on Nick's body, to press him against... anything.

He took a very quiet breath as Nick unlocked the door, still not letting go of Rav's hand.

Rav wondered if the roommates would be home yet, but he didn't see anybody. Still, that could change. Maybe Rav wanted more assurance that they would be alone. But would Nick feel safe?

On a whim, he asked, "Would you want to give me a tour of the basement?"

Sparks danced up Nick's arm when Rav's fingers touched his again. He smiled ear to ear, heat radiating from his cheeks. He might have stood there grinning stupidly at Rav for a long time, but he snapped himself out of it, reminding himself that he'd kind of taken a leading position, here. With a determined breath, Nick gently squeezed Rav's hand and drew him up the stairs, enjoying the feeling of confidence that he stepped into.

It's hard to be bored with all these butterflies in my stomach.

Nick replayed Rav's words in his mind, easing his own butterflies and stoking a warm serenity in him. Here he was, leading a beautiful, intriguing, exciting man by the hand up the stairs to his house, not being the person overwhelmed by butterflies. It was novel and exciting in its own way, and Nick felt proud of himself for finding his way to this feeling.

He even managed to bask in it so well that he unlocked the door without thinking about what would happen on the other side, just moving with the flow of certainty that he was doing, moment to moment, what he genuinely wanted to do next.

Then, Rav asked, "Would you want to give me a tour of the basement?"

Butterflies erupted all over Nick's stomach again, his mind quite readily offering imaginations of Rav pinning him against the wall in his room. And, as had happened in the park bathroom, the thought very much excited Nick, and scared him.

Somehow, Nick had managed to somewhat-smoothly open the door while his mind was busy imagining things, and he stepped inside before turning to face Rav, his smile now shy and crooked again. He took a deep breath, this time keeping eye contact with Rav as he slowly exhaled, watching the man's face while he felt into his own body.

He found his fear, buzzing anxiously in his stomach, and he understood that it was about what else he might be saying 'yes' to if he said yes to this. Nothing, he reassured himself. Not that nothing else would happen, but that he didn't have to plan it. He didn't have to know what he would and would not want later right this instant. Right now, did he want to take Rav to the basement and show him around, and independently assess whatever other whims stuck them after? Yes.

Finally, Nick nodded, his smile curling a little brighter.

"I would love to."

Then, remustering the memory of Rav talking about the butterflies in his stomach, and the warm serenity that Nick had felt out on the porch, Nick's smile curled just a dash mischevious as he pivoted toward the stairs. He just took half a step, gently tugging at Rav just enough to demonstrate intention, but he was patient about it, curious about whether Rav himself would have any friction to jumping on in.

((OOC: I guess, we imagined Rav is probably standing closest to the door once they're inside, and might close the door either while Nick is contemplating the proposal or here at the end before they head downstairs; if Rav starts following Nick while the door is still open, Nick might gesture toward the door I think? Couldn't quite figure out how to work that smoothly into the post lol.))

Rav was patient as Nick searched his eyes, perhaps trying to divine if Rav meant anything by his question. And did he? No, not necessarily. It had been a suggestion, an indication that Rav wanted to try having a bit more privacy, nothing more. Rav confidently looked back.

"I would love to," Nick finally said with a nod and a smile, and Rav's stomach unclenched.

Nick started to pull on Rav's hand toward that end, and Rav gently closed the door first before following, absurdly grateful that they were holding hands again. He breathed through his nerves as Nick led them toward the stairs, trying to keep the firehose of fantasies at bay.

This is just a tour. This is just a tour. This is just a tour, Rav repeated to himself to prevent any other thoughts from arising.

Rav felt... pliant, if Nick dared to say, as Nick tugged him gently toward the stairs, and Nick curled a small, giddy grin to himself as he led the way.

At the top of the stairs, Nick did have the impulse to say something disclaimer-y - It's not exactly glamorous, or something - but he breathed it out and just resolved to head on down, and let the space speak for itself.

The stairs were small and simple, turning to the left on a landing midway down. It was dark; a socket nightlight halfway up the wall above an appliance dimly illuminated the space that the stairs opened up into, but Nick quickly found a cord to pull to turn an actual light on. He and Rav stood in front of a washer and dryer against the wall on a concrete floor, simple wooden shelves above the appliances with a couple scattered detergents and cleaners.

Nick led Rav toward a large opening on the wall to the right of the washer and dryer. Nick pulled another cord to turn a light on here, illuminating a long narrow garage area with an open room on the other side with some paints and small paintings on the shelves. The garage was just barely wide enough for one small car, but it was open, save for scrap wood and wood working tools taking up an area at the back.

"Those are all one of my roommates'." Nick said, gesturing first at the wood and tools, and then more broadly at the garage area they stood in. "And this is where we would do contact improv down here... The floor's a little weird, though." To demonstrate, Nick stepped on a place where the concrete rippled up across the floor, and his hand gestured at where it curved up at the sides, making the flat-ish floor even more narrow than the garage itself.

Apparently feeling complete with that part of the tour, Nick walked around Rav to head back the direction they'd come, though he left the light on. Turning around revealed another alcove area that had been hidden behind the staircase. There sat a plush-looking futon against the wall shared with the stairs, across from a large shelving unit full of boxes, atop of which sat a large TV.

"If we wanted to watch something in private," Nick said with another gesture, though he didn't seem keen to lead Rav into the alcove. Instead, he tugged Rav back past the stairs and the washer and dryer, to a small doorway that had been utterly hidden under the stairs, but was still at least reasonably human-sized.

"And this..." Nick said as he pushed the door open and flipped on a light switch, leading into a small room just barely big enough for a twin bed, a small closet, and for Nick and Rav to stand next to each other on the shag carpet between the two. "Is my bedroom." Feeling a sudden burst of embarassment about this last bit of space, Nick couldn't quite help adding with a crooked grin, "I got a pretty good deal on it."

((OOC: I guess, let me know if Rav would have interrupted any part of the tour lol.))

Nick was downright adorable as he tugged Rav down toward the stairs, grinning openly. Rav kept his face neutral all the way down the staircase, trying not to make any assumptions or form any expectations.

It was dark, which didn't bother Rav. Of the two of them, Nick was the least likely to be a serial killer, and Rav had plenty of experience defending himself. Soon enough, Nick pulled a cord to illuminate a... laundry room. Rav tried not to laugh, but in all honesty, the cement flooring and the mostly empty shelves made him feel more at home than anything had since he arrived. Something about it made Nick feel more approachable, and some of the tension in Rav's body relaxed.

Nick didn't stop there, though. He pulled Rav to a garage area with some woodworking tools and scrap wood. Rav's eyebrows raised, unable to help from thinking about how nice it would be to have a dedicated woodworking space like this.

"Those are all one of my roommate's," Nick said, and Rav decided maybe he wanted to make friends. "And this is where we would do contact improv down here... The floor's a little weird, though." Nick stepped on a wrinkle in the concrete and gestured toward the curves in the floor as they arched up to the walls. Rav shrugged. Could be worse. He was ultimately grateful they danced upstairs, though.

Rav wondered if they might start dancing again down here and even prepared to take his jacket off, but then Nick veered around Rav and back out into the other space. He left the light on, though, and Rav wondered if that meant he wanted to come back here. Happy to be led around, Rav followed.

There was another little nook with a couch and a TV, which Rav nodded at absently.

"If we wanted to watch something in private," Nick said, filling in Rav's thoughts. He liked that Nick was thinking that far into the future because watching something didn't exactly seem like a now activity, especially as Nick moved on quickly.

He tugged on Rav's hand to pull him back past the stairs to a small doorway that Rav might not have noticed if Nick hadn't directed his attention. It looked like a closet from the outside.

"And this..." Nick said as he pushed the door open with pride and flipped on the light switch, "is my bedroom." The two of them could barely fit comfortably inside, even though the only piece of furniture was a twin bed. Rav felt his eyes water for a moment, though he quickly blinked back whatever that was about.

Nick grinned crookedly and said, "I got a pretty good deal on it."

Rav looked around the tiny room and then back at Nick, who stood in close proximity to him on account of the size of the space. Rav smiled softly down at Nick, squeezing Nick's hand. Somehow, this room helped Rav place Nick a little better in his mind. It made Nick feel more real and grounded, not some ethereal ideal Rav couldn't hope to reach.

"It's perfect," Rav said, looking at one of the walls, although he couldn't help but think that a twin bed might make intimate endeavors interesting. Not that Rav hadn't made it work before. Still, it was a far cry from the comfort of Hannah's king-sized bed.

But, Rav was paying Hannah, and Nick... Nick was real life. Rav was on a date, standing in this man's room.

Right, so... now what?

"Want to go sit on the couch for a moment?" Rav asked.

Nick felt heavy in the wake of his tour, anxiety bubbling up as he waited to see how it all had landed with Rav. Had he sped through things too fast? Should he have paused in different rooms? Was it weird to have ended things here in his tiny bedroom?

But Rav smiled softly, squeezing Nick's hand, and Nick let out a soft breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

"It's perfect," Rav said, his eyes drifting over to one of the walls. Nick's gaze followed, though he knew full well there wasn't much interesting to look at. The weird 70s wood paneling? Maybe the dim light coming in the egress window?

"Want to go sit on the couch for a moment?" Rav asked, and Nick nodded eagerly. The room was a little too tight to squeeze past Rav to lead the way, though. He gestured gently toward the bedroom door with the hand still clasped in Rav's.

"Down here or upstairs?" Nick asked, realizing he wasn't sure which Rav meant by 'the couch'. He was happy to let Rav lead if the man decided to given their relative positions at this point, or he'd be happy to take the lead back over once they were out by the laundry machines where there was space to swap positions.

Nick nodded eagerly and looked as though he was going to head that way, but the room was too small for Nick to walk by. The realization that Rav was blocking Nick's way out hit his body hard, his breath and heartbeat quickening.

"Down here or upstairs?" Nick asked, and Rav blinked, not realizing he needed to be more specific.

"Down here," Rav said, his voice a few notes lower than usual as he talked himself into turning around and reluctantly walking back out of the broom closet bedroom.

Rav could breathe easier once they were out, and he paused, letting Nick take them to the couch. The tug that came on his arm was comforting, pulling him back from the idea of trapping Nick.

He didn't exactly want that to appeal to him, and yet, it definitely did. Pinning Nick against a wall, trapping him in a room, pushing him against a fence--there was certainly a theme here. He would need to talk to Hannah about it. Bondage was a... a thing, right? A kink? Is that what he had? Normal people get these ideas in their heads, too, he reasoned.

Yeah, well, normal people don't do it without consent, another voice in his mind shot back, successfully deflating Rav's chest.

When the two of them were seated on the couch--close enough to continue holding hands but not close enough to be touching anywhere else--Rav said, "This reminds me a lot of where I used to live as a kid. Some good memories there." He was trying to keep the mood light. Maybe they could just... talk.

Nick's heart felt fluttery as he settled onto the futon next to Rav, their hands still warmly clasped between them. Fantasies spilled forth in his mind in the brief moment between getting comfortable and the impulse rising to do or say something--kiss Rav, maybe; one errant thought even enjoyed the idea of straddling the man to do it. And then when he was far too shy to actually make a move along the lines that his imagination was supplying, he felt nervous about figuring out the next conversational path, at least--but then Rav broke the silence.

"This reminds me a lot of where I used to live as a kid. Some good memories there."

Nick smiled, relaxing some.

"I'm glad it's not too... garage-y," he said, letting a subtle giggle play in his voice near the end. He was quiet for a moment after that, contemplating asking Rav if any particular memories were coming up that he'd enjoy sharing. But then, he thought about their conversation along the fence, and how they'd talked about trading stories. In that vein, it was his turn. But, wouldn't it feel a little forced to dive right into something?

Nick sighed a little, letting his gaze space off at the storage shelves in front of them. The space was admittedly a little bit garage-y-er than he'd ideally like to be living in, but it was definitely in good enough for now territory. And, his roommates were pretty great. Did he want to talk about them, maybe? He wasn't sure.

Nick turned his gaze back to Rav, maybe looking for something.

"I'm feeling nervous," Nick finally said with his signature crooked smile, shifting on the futon to angle himself toward Rav and lean his head against the back of it. "And... kind of distant. I think maybe I rushed myself through the tour to get through it all. I'm glad you've seen the space now, though. And, I'm glad we're here sitting on the futon together."

He thought again of the fantasies that had come to mind a few moments before, and his smile curled a little sheepish and his eyes trailed down to their still-clasped hands, his fingers loosening to play a little with different points of contact. He relaxed a little into that exploration, grateful he managed to find something that helped the fluttery feeling in his chest settle.