Rav did indeed step inside, and Nick felt a warm, elated relief ripple through him once they were both on the same side of the threshold. He was slow to close the door, though, attentive to Rav's movements and perhaps not wanting to cause the man to feel trapped at all. Rav looked a little awkward, but no moreso than he'd been when he'd first arrived at the start of the evening. Maybe in some ways they were starting fresh again. And, maybe that was good. Take two.
Nick's vision started to feel wet and blurry again once he clicked the door shut, but it was oddly serene this time. Rav was taking off his boots, and Nick was a little bit ridiculously elated at the simple sight of the man taking that step toward getting just a little more comfortable.
He felt awkward just staring at Rav as the man took off his shoes, though, and averted his gaze over toward the couch with a crooked smile.
"Thank you," he said warmly after a beat, deciding he was ready to enter the soundscape. He allowed a hand to come up and wipe at his eyes before flashing his gaze back toward Rav, his smile shy but genuine. "For being willing to take a break and still come back together. It means a lot, and was really helpful."
Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
"Thank you," Nick said, and Rav blinked down at the floor, trying in vain to figure out what he had done to deserve that. Thankfully, Nick continued. "...for being willing to take a break and still come back together. It means a lot and was really helpful."
Rav nodded as he pulled off his boots and set them down on the floor. It had been an effort, and he appreciated the acknowledgement. Standing up straight, he looked at Nick and said, "I'm not sure I would have thought of it myself, so I'm glad you asked for it." Looking briefly out the door, Rav said, "I almost wasn't, but..." He took a deep breath. "...I'm doing this because I'm ready to stop running away."
Rav nodded as he pulled off his boots and set them down on the floor. It had been an effort, and he appreciated the acknowledgement. Standing up straight, he looked at Nick and said, "I'm not sure I would have thought of it myself, so I'm glad you asked for it." Looking briefly out the door, Rav said, "I almost wasn't, but..." He took a deep breath. "...I'm doing this because I'm ready to stop running away."
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Once Rav set his boots down, stood up straight, and met Nick's gaze, Nick once again felt the urge to straighten his posture, squaring his own gaze a little more fully with Rav's.
"I'm not sure I would have thought of it myself, so I'm glad you asked for it." Nick nodded, a cautious, warm sense of pride blooming in his chest. He was proud of himself for figuring it out in time to ask for it. Rav's gaze drifted over to the door, and Nick's eyes followed, though they returned to Rav when the man continued speaking.
"I almost wasn't, but..." He took a deep breath. "...I'm doing this because I'm ready to stop running away."
Nick nodded, his smile widening with gratitude, and a tentative warm feeling of pride for Rav, too. There was a gentle tugging sensation that bloomed with it, a yearning growing to close the distance between them. Shyly, Nick spread his palms a little and asked,
"May I hug you?"
"I'm not sure I would have thought of it myself, so I'm glad you asked for it." Nick nodded, a cautious, warm sense of pride blooming in his chest. He was proud of himself for figuring it out in time to ask for it. Rav's gaze drifted over to the door, and Nick's eyes followed, though they returned to Rav when the man continued speaking.
"I almost wasn't, but..." He took a deep breath. "...I'm doing this because I'm ready to stop running away."
Nick nodded, his smile widening with gratitude, and a tentative warm feeling of pride for Rav, too. There was a gentle tugging sensation that bloomed with it, a yearning growing to close the distance between them. Shyly, Nick spread his palms a little and asked,
"May I hug you?"
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Nick nodded, and his smile widened. At the sight, Rav felt several layers of his metaphorical armor drop to the floor. Somehow, in the rush to leave and brood on what had happened, Rav had forgotten how easy it was to bask in the warmth of Nick's attention. Of course this was worth it, and Rav was beyond elated to be here. Maybe he'd made the right choice this time.
With lifted brows and spread palms, Nick asked, "May I hug you?" Rav's eyebrows also raised as he unconsciously moved his head forward in surprise, crooked smile sneaking past his guard as his stomach released a cloud of butterflies.
"I don't know..." Rav said, his voice a teasing lilt as he brought a hand up to his chin, looking up and to the left. "Hmm..." he said, eyes squinting, the urge to say yes and close the distance between them growing steadily stronger. He was pushing it, and it felt like a dangerous time to tease, but he couldn't help it.
Finally, he relented, "Yes. Please, yes." But then he put a finger between them, his face growing serious. "Unless... I mean..." he blinked, trying to push away his embarrassment. "I'd still, later, if it feels good... I'd still want to hug you goodbye."
With lifted brows and spread palms, Nick asked, "May I hug you?" Rav's eyebrows also raised as he unconsciously moved his head forward in surprise, crooked smile sneaking past his guard as his stomach released a cloud of butterflies.
"I don't know..." Rav said, his voice a teasing lilt as he brought a hand up to his chin, looking up and to the left. "Hmm..." he said, eyes squinting, the urge to say yes and close the distance between them growing steadily stronger. He was pushing it, and it felt like a dangerous time to tease, but he couldn't help it.
Finally, he relented, "Yes. Please, yes." But then he put a finger between them, his face growing serious. "Unless... I mean..." he blinked, trying to push away his embarrassment. "I'd still, later, if it feels good... I'd still want to hug you goodbye."
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Nick was utterly delighted by the crooked smile that graced Rav's expression in response to his request. It was tempting to go ahead and close the distance, taking that as the yes it so clearly seemed to be, but Nick held still, patient for Rav to make a more deliberate reply.
"I don't know... Hmm..." Rav said, his voice lilting as he brought a hand up to his chin, looking up and to the left. Nick felt startled, confused, and a little bit teary again, but something about the way that Rav squinted looked playful, and Nick's throat relaxed with a quiet, breathy scoff of a whine.
Finally, Rav relented the playful act and said, "Yes. Please, yes," and Nick regathered the resolve to follow through with his intentions--only to be thwarted again by Rav suddenly holding his finger out between them. Nick let out another breath with a hint of an exasperated whine in its airy timbre, but he quickly realized that Rav's expression was serious, and Nick swallowed down a fresh burst of anxiety in his chest.
"Unless... I mean... I'd still, later, if it feels good... I'd still want to hug you goodbye."
Nick drew in a deep breath at that, his next exhale full of relief as he regained a crooked smile in his expression, though his brows were drawn together, holding the exasperation he felt as he said, emphatically,
"Right now, I cannot imagine not wanting to hug you goodbye, also. Can I please hug you now?"
He hoped his tone was sufficiently playful, even as he did feel something like desperation for Rav to say yes. He felt confident he could pivot if he needed to, though. It was just that right now he felt balanced on the edge of a knife, and like it might start digging into him if he kept teetering too much longer.
"I don't know... Hmm..." Rav said, his voice lilting as he brought a hand up to his chin, looking up and to the left. Nick felt startled, confused, and a little bit teary again, but something about the way that Rav squinted looked playful, and Nick's throat relaxed with a quiet, breathy scoff of a whine.
Finally, Rav relented the playful act and said, "Yes. Please, yes," and Nick regathered the resolve to follow through with his intentions--only to be thwarted again by Rav suddenly holding his finger out between them. Nick let out another breath with a hint of an exasperated whine in its airy timbre, but he quickly realized that Rav's expression was serious, and Nick swallowed down a fresh burst of anxiety in his chest.
"Unless... I mean... I'd still, later, if it feels good... I'd still want to hug you goodbye."
Nick drew in a deep breath at that, his next exhale full of relief as he regained a crooked smile in his expression, though his brows were drawn together, holding the exasperation he felt as he said, emphatically,
"Right now, I cannot imagine not wanting to hug you goodbye, also. Can I please hug you now?"
He hoped his tone was sufficiently playful, even as he did feel something like desperation for Rav to say yes. He felt confident he could pivot if he needed to, though. It was just that right now he felt balanced on the edge of a knife, and like it might start digging into him if he kept teetering too much longer.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
The relief Rav heard in Nick's next exhale was deeply satisfying.
"Right now, I cannot imagine not wanting to hug you goodbye, also. Can I please hug you now?" The ghost of a whine entered Nick's inflection, and Rav's wolfish smile returned, though his stomach roiled with nerves. Could he really control himself if Nick got closer again? Yes, of course he could. He'd been controlling himself all evening. It was going to be okay. Take deep breaths and go slow, Rav coached himself.
"Yes," Rav said, feeling like he had just cut a puppet loose, the heady sensation making his knees sag just slightly as he waited for Nick to approach him, arms outstretched.
"Right now, I cannot imagine not wanting to hug you goodbye, also. Can I please hug you now?" The ghost of a whine entered Nick's inflection, and Rav's wolfish smile returned, though his stomach roiled with nerves. Could he really control himself if Nick got closer again? Yes, of course he could. He'd been controlling himself all evening. It was going to be okay. Take deep breaths and go slow, Rav coached himself.
"Yes," Rav said, feeling like he had just cut a puppet loose, the heady sensation making his knees sag just slightly as he waited for Nick to approach him, arms outstretched.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Just as Nick was beginning to worry that he might have been too demanding in the wake of his emphatic beseechment, Rav's expression widened into a woflish smile. Nick swallowed, a jolt of nervous thrill stiffening him a little, anxiety still buzzing in his stomach as he waited for an actual answer to know which direction to settle.
Finally, Rav said, "Yes," and Nick melted forward, relief washing through him as he closed the distance between him and Rav, wrapping his arms tightly around the man and burying his face into him. The urge bubbled to say thank you, but he didn't actually want to speak. His fingers tried to knead their way into the fabric of Rav's jacket, but relented when it was just a little too stiff to saitsfyingly dig into. Instead, he just tightened his arms a little more around the man, and nuzzled his face a little more fervently into Rav's chest. He just felt so grateful that Rav was here, that he'd come back, that Nick asking for a few minutes of space didn't have to mean everything ending entirely.
And... hadn't he felt proud of Rav, too? Hadn't that been the sentiment that had finally nudged him over the threshold of asking for touch? It hadn't been easy for Rav. Nick had a lot of sympathy for that. But Rav hadn't run away--not just as a favor to Nick, but for himself.
Nick felt tears begin to wet his eyes again, and he gently pulled back from the hug, mostly just feeling self-conscious about possibly getting Rav's shirt wet. At least the knot wasn't present in his throat right now, and he smiled crookedly he reached a hand up to wipe at his eyes. The urge to say something did begin to swell in his throat, but he was quiet for a moment longer, weighing different things that came to mind. Finally, shyly raising his gaze to meet Rav's, he said,
"Would you... be willing to come back downstairs with me?"
Finally, Rav said, "Yes," and Nick melted forward, relief washing through him as he closed the distance between him and Rav, wrapping his arms tightly around the man and burying his face into him. The urge bubbled to say thank you, but he didn't actually want to speak. His fingers tried to knead their way into the fabric of Rav's jacket, but relented when it was just a little too stiff to saitsfyingly dig into. Instead, he just tightened his arms a little more around the man, and nuzzled his face a little more fervently into Rav's chest. He just felt so grateful that Rav was here, that he'd come back, that Nick asking for a few minutes of space didn't have to mean everything ending entirely.
And... hadn't he felt proud of Rav, too? Hadn't that been the sentiment that had finally nudged him over the threshold of asking for touch? It hadn't been easy for Rav. Nick had a lot of sympathy for that. But Rav hadn't run away--not just as a favor to Nick, but for himself.
Nick felt tears begin to wet his eyes again, and he gently pulled back from the hug, mostly just feeling self-conscious about possibly getting Rav's shirt wet. At least the knot wasn't present in his throat right now, and he smiled crookedly he reached a hand up to wipe at his eyes. The urge to say something did begin to swell in his throat, but he was quiet for a moment longer, weighing different things that came to mind. Finally, shyly raising his gaze to meet Rav's, he said,
"Would you... be willing to come back downstairs with me?"
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Nick did not waste time, and Rav did not doubt that Nick wanted every ounce of the hug he threw himself into as he wrapped his arms around Rav and buried his face into Rav's chest. Rav let out a quiet exhale of delight as his own arms tentatively closed around Nick's back as well, gently straightening his posture so more of his chest could experience Nick's nuzzling. He wished he had taken his jacket off again as Nick's fingers kneaded against his back briefly, but there hadn't been a good time for that. Instead, they both pulled each other closer and basked in the fact that they had managed to get back to a place where this was even a possibility. Rav still didn't know why Nick had been afraid to cry, but at least he wasn't afraid of Rav, at least not enough to avoid hugging the hell out of him.
The fact that Rav so deeply trusted that Nick was grateful for Rav's physical proximity was a profound balm--he wasn't sure he could even think of another time when he trusted that that had been true. A ferocious ache entered Rav's chest at the thought, a hollowness that Rav attempted to hide from himself, but he gently brushed it to the side--it didn't need to overtake this experience.
Soon, though, Nick pulled away and smiled crookedly, wiping at his eyes as though there had been tears--had they already crossed that threshold, too?
"Would you... be willing to come back downstairs with me?" Nick asked. Rav raised his eyebrows slightly, still reeling from the hug and impressed that Nick seemed so resolved. Well, there was no need for a tour this time, so maybe there was less potentiality that they would get stuck. And, Rav could always leave again if needed. At last, Rav nodded soberly, waiting for Nick to lead the way.
The fact that Rav so deeply trusted that Nick was grateful for Rav's physical proximity was a profound balm--he wasn't sure he could even think of another time when he trusted that that had been true. A ferocious ache entered Rav's chest at the thought, a hollowness that Rav attempted to hide from himself, but he gently brushed it to the side--it didn't need to overtake this experience.
Soon, though, Nick pulled away and smiled crookedly, wiping at his eyes as though there had been tears--had they already crossed that threshold, too?
"Would you... be willing to come back downstairs with me?" Nick asked. Rav raised his eyebrows slightly, still reeling from the hug and impressed that Nick seemed so resolved. Well, there was no need for a tour this time, so maybe there was less potentiality that they would get stuck. And, Rav could always leave again if needed. At last, Rav nodded soberly, waiting for Nick to lead the way.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Rav raised his eyebrows, and Nick grew briefly nervous--should he have offered the couch up here as more of a landing pad, first? But, he'd genuinely wanted to settle in downstairs next, and ultimately Rav nodded. Nick smiled and gave a little nod of his own, and then began bravely leading the way past the coffee table.
Slowwwwww.
Nick breathed deep and slow as he walked, making sure not to pick up his pace too readily. Walking past the coffee table and the TV might not be particularly exciting, but it didn't need to be rushed through. Nothing did. Nick held a warm, pleasant anticipation for the coziness of the space downstairs now that he'd taken some time with it, but strode steadily through the dining room without changing speed. The slowness of his stride allowed space for him to contemplate the kitchen, eyeing the corner of the fridge through the little breakfast bar window. Did he want to grab snacks to bring back down? The impulse began to rise to ask Rav if he'd like any, but Nick exhaled it out, pulling his eyes over toward the basement door instead. He didn't want to get snacks, and he wanted to trust that Rav would ask for some if he really wanted them for himself. Nick didn't have to anticipate that.
Nick did cast his gaze to Rav briefly in front of the door--a quick, nonverbal ready? before this next threshold.
Then, Nick opened the basement door, and began descending the stairs. It was nice to see the glow of warm lights across the floor at the bottom; far better than the pitch black of their initial descent with the promise of the harsh bare lightbulb awaiting. Nick's smile tugged into an absurd-feeling grin, though he got it under control back into what felt like a reasonable expression once he stepped off the final stair. He paused in front of the opening he'd left between the shower curtain and couch, once again nonverbally checking in with Rav before proceeding.
Slowwwwww.
Nick breathed deep and slow as he walked, making sure not to pick up his pace too readily. Walking past the coffee table and the TV might not be particularly exciting, but it didn't need to be rushed through. Nothing did. Nick held a warm, pleasant anticipation for the coziness of the space downstairs now that he'd taken some time with it, but strode steadily through the dining room without changing speed. The slowness of his stride allowed space for him to contemplate the kitchen, eyeing the corner of the fridge through the little breakfast bar window. Did he want to grab snacks to bring back down? The impulse began to rise to ask Rav if he'd like any, but Nick exhaled it out, pulling his eyes over toward the basement door instead. He didn't want to get snacks, and he wanted to trust that Rav would ask for some if he really wanted them for himself. Nick didn't have to anticipate that.
Nick did cast his gaze to Rav briefly in front of the door--a quick, nonverbal ready? before this next threshold.
Then, Nick opened the basement door, and began descending the stairs. It was nice to see the glow of warm lights across the floor at the bottom; far better than the pitch black of their initial descent with the promise of the harsh bare lightbulb awaiting. Nick's smile tugged into an absurd-feeling grin, though he got it under control back into what felt like a reasonable expression once he stepped off the final stair. He paused in front of the opening he'd left between the shower curtain and couch, once again nonverbally checking in with Rav before proceeding.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Nick's smile betrayed that he was excited to go back as he turned around, walking past the coffee table. Only then did Rav start to wonder about his own quick transition between being angry outside and being full of butterflies again here. Were they shoving past things that they should talk through? But they were going downstairs to talk about those things, yes?
Hands in his pockets, Rav followed, noticing Nick's slow pace and nodding at Nick's back. As Nick approached the basement door and prepared to open it, turning around to clock Rav's demeanor, Rav had a flash of a memory of them standing outside the park bathroom. Had they really been ready for that threshold or was what happened inside the problem?
Rav took a deep breath and nodded, resolved to keep his hands in his pockets and his fantasies to himself.
Expecting a dark staircase again like had been the case on their first descent, Rav was surprised by the soft, warm glow on the floor that made the excursion less of a tripping hazard. Maybe he could forgive himself for his fantasies of trapping Nick given the dark, horror-movie entrance to the basement. But none of that energy was present now. As Nick turned the corner and Rav followed, he looked at the space where the couch had been and didn't recognize it. There were lit string lights, and there was a curtain of some kind around the space with a small opening left for entrance.
Unconsciously, Rav furrowed his brows, confused by what all this meant and feeling the lurching sensation of undue excitement creep back up from his lower body as he thought about sitting in the enclosed space with Nick.
Had Nick spent the ten minutes they had apart setting up the space for Rav to come back? How did that make any sense? But, maybe Nick wanted the changes regardless of whether Rav came back. Nick had seemed much more distressed about the garage-like atmosphere than Rav had been. And, really, wouldn't Rav have been self-conscious and nervous about having Nick in his space? That would have added a whole other layer to the anxiety if Rav were constantly worried that his accommodations were less than up to par for Nick. Yeah, maybe Rav would have felt like crying, too.
Well, the least he could do was reassure Nick now.
"Wow," Rav said first, realizing that finding words was more difficult than he thought. "It's a whole different place down here. It was good before, but... yeah, wow."
Hands in your metaphorical pockets, Rav, he coached himself.
Hands in his pockets, Rav followed, noticing Nick's slow pace and nodding at Nick's back. As Nick approached the basement door and prepared to open it, turning around to clock Rav's demeanor, Rav had a flash of a memory of them standing outside the park bathroom. Had they really been ready for that threshold or was what happened inside the problem?
Rav took a deep breath and nodded, resolved to keep his hands in his pockets and his fantasies to himself.
Expecting a dark staircase again like had been the case on their first descent, Rav was surprised by the soft, warm glow on the floor that made the excursion less of a tripping hazard. Maybe he could forgive himself for his fantasies of trapping Nick given the dark, horror-movie entrance to the basement. But none of that energy was present now. As Nick turned the corner and Rav followed, he looked at the space where the couch had been and didn't recognize it. There were lit string lights, and there was a curtain of some kind around the space with a small opening left for entrance.
Unconsciously, Rav furrowed his brows, confused by what all this meant and feeling the lurching sensation of undue excitement creep back up from his lower body as he thought about sitting in the enclosed space with Nick.
Had Nick spent the ten minutes they had apart setting up the space for Rav to come back? How did that make any sense? But, maybe Nick wanted the changes regardless of whether Rav came back. Nick had seemed much more distressed about the garage-like atmosphere than Rav had been. And, really, wouldn't Rav have been self-conscious and nervous about having Nick in his space? That would have added a whole other layer to the anxiety if Rav were constantly worried that his accommodations were less than up to par for Nick. Yeah, maybe Rav would have felt like crying, too.
Well, the least he could do was reassure Nick now.
"Wow," Rav said first, realizing that finding words was more difficult than he thought. "It's a whole different place down here. It was good before, but... yeah, wow."
Hands in your metaphorical pockets, Rav, he coached himself.