Written Wonderland

Philip maintained outward composure as he took in his new surroundings, but his heart was certainly racing and his breathing was shallow and rushed. Uncertainty bothered him, a lot, and this nothingness with only him and the glow entwined with him was... unnerving, to say the least, particularly given the context in which he'd arrived in this place. The fact that the light he'd lowered his guard to was now binding him certainly didn't help, although the warmth and comfort it trailed across his skin confused his anxiety quite a bit, as some part of his brain tried to convince him that he was scared about nothing, and should just relax and enjoy himself already. But something really didn't feel right.

All the more when the figure of a woman began coalescing from the light, and Philip steeled himself, although for what he wasn't really sure. He certainly hadn't anticipated the weighty devastation that washed over him as the woman fully solidified and she became separate from the tendrils of light. He wanted to grasp at his chest, as that was where the feeling was the most uncomfortable in his body, but the light still prevented him from moving. The frustration and discomfort with no other outlet furrowed his brow and played across his eyes as he regarded the woman with a potent mixture of distrust and longing.

It was all displaced quickly, though, as his eyes took in the woman's appearance, and he quickly averted his gaze before it lingered in inappropriate ways. He fully closed his eyes and turned his head further to the side as the woman leaned down in front of him and touched his cheek, sending a swell of warmth down his neck and into his chest that battled against the rest of his tension and discomfort. Her words also urged him to let his guard down and relax. He couldn't help imagining how comforting it would be for her to hug his head to her chest, run her fingers through his hair, assure him that he had no responsibilities here - not to the king, not to his family, not to his captain or his soldiers, nor even his fiancee - that he could just be.

But, as much as he wanted to hear those things, he was rather far from believing them. Panic rose again into his chest as the woman's hand trailed downwards and her lips touched his skin.

"Stop," Philip said, softly but firmly, wishing he could gently guide the woman away from him. He wasn't interested in admonishing her, but he was deeply uncomfortable with the situation's current trajectory, and had to say something. "This isn't what I want."

The woman peered at Philip with wide eyes. "Oh, that's strange," she said quietly to herself, acquiescing to Philip in that she did pull away. She stood again in front of him and gazed deeply into his eyes. If he were paying attention, he might feel the way she was sorting through memories, attempting to understand what it was Philip didn't enjoy. Finally, she pulled out of his mind and closed her eyes, the opalescent light enveloping her once more as her form shifted into that of a man. And, not just any man, but here again was the king, bare-chested and unharmed, though his eyes still remained purple. The being in the king's body then laid down next to Philip and moved the body's fingers slowly up Philip's back starting at his sacrum and stopping only once they had reached the center of Philip's upper back where they moved with subtle vibrations. 

"It was careless of me to think you would not want this back," the being in the king's body said. "Let us reward you with the fantasies you yourself have dreamed up." The fingers stopped their vibrations as the being in the king's body reached underneath Philip's shirt and began to casually stroke one of his hipbones.

Philip let out a silent relieved sigh as the woman pulled away, and much of his muscle tension relaxed, somewhat. He returned his gaze to her - although was very careful to send his eyes straight to hers and not let his gaze linger elsewhere. He studied her expression the way she seemed to be studying his, although he couldn't help feeling like she was inscrutable while he himself felt uncomfortably laid bare.

His eyes widened when she changed her appearance. For a split second he felt pleased to see the king standing and unharmed, but rational thought caught up quickly - helped along by the purple in his eyes. Just who was this, and what did they want with him?

Philip tensed up again greatly when the being laid down next to him, a chill running up his back along with the king's fingers. Tensioned balled up rapidly where the fingers stopped to vibrate, as Philip did his very best to shut out the sensation's effect on his body. He strained against the tendrils of light around him, frustrated that he couldn't physically intervene in how he was being touched.

Confusion and embarrassment struck him as the being mentioned fantasies that he himself dreamed up - he wanted to protest, but the words caught in his throat. Was this a fantasy? He had gazed inappropriately at the king's body - when the king was in a dire situation, at that, which Philip did feel ashamed about. If the king were actually here, and showing this interest himself, it might be relieving, at least on that particular front. But knowing this wasn't the king confused things quite a bit. That is, not that things wouldn't be confusing even if this were the king, but on top of uncertainty regarding propriety and duty and related considerations, there were additional concerns about who he was actually with; what heir motives were; and the morality of using the king's likeness in this way, among other hard-to-pin-down anxieties that also tugged at the peripheries of his consciousness.

A soft, shaky sigh escaped his lips as the king's hand brushed over his hip, and Philip tried to shift away from it. It was harder to tense against the sensation there, and he felt unspeakably vulnerable, especially considering this being's audacity in how it was interacting with him.

"Who are you?" he finally managed to get out, his voice doing its best to sound neutral - which, really, it did quite well at, but notes of suspicion and fear certainly bled through.

The king leaned in close to Philip's ear as the voice said, "I am everything you deserve. I am your judgment," and continued playing with Philip's hip, circling the sensitive skin with two fingers while placing a slow, single kiss behind Philip's ear. Afterward, the being touched the tendrils of light, and they slowly receded, leaving Philip completely free to move. 

"You can't run from consequences," the being in the king's body said. 

Hairs stood on the back of Philip's neck in response to the being's answer - honestly, a mixture of the somewhat chilling content of the reply with the sensation of the voice so close to his ear, not to mention the continued touch of the king's fingers on his hip and the kiss that followed. It all sent a chill down his spine, and made his shoulders tense all the more, while something unspeakable started to stir deep down in his gut.

It took him a beat to realize that the light was receding, but the instant it registered that he could move he immediately rolled over, decisively grabbing the king's wrist as he moved to pull his hand from Philip's hip and pin it rather forcefully against the ground. Philip gazed into the being's eyes with a level of intensity he hadn't shown yet, his brow tensed together in the first inkling of anger to play across his face.

"And who are you to judge me?"

It certainly wasn't that no part of him had been tempted to simply accept the being's statement - in a way, that part of him acknowledged, being judged would be relieving - but a stronger part of him felt offended by this being's audacity in declaring itself fit for that task. Whether he had call to be judged in the abstract or not, Philip was not convinced was any of this being's business to even determine, let alone execute upon.

As Philip rolled the king's body over and pinned his wrist down to the ground, Dehaljadrun experienced a rush of arousal flood her body from the top down, and there's no possible way, given Philip's proximity to the body she was in, that he didn't also feel it. The intensity in his expression, too, thrilled her, and she was ecstatic that he was reacting this way. The king grinned briefly before the being got the expression under control. 

"Is that any way to treat your king?"

Philip's expression faltered as some part of his mind panicked, second-guessing whether this was in fact the king and he was way out of line. But the voice was still not the king's, and the eyes were still purple, and Philip reminded himself of the woman the being had been before. He felt his breath hitch, and his heart rate pick up again, as a light shade of pink settled on his face.

With a purposeful exhale trying to calm down, Philip pushed himself to his feet and took a step back, wanting to get some space to regather himself. He held his gaze focusedly on the being's eyes, his expression stern but reeling in some of its intensity.

"You are not my king, and I'd appreciate it if you returned to your own body."

The being frowned at Philip but did shift back into her own body. "I'm not certain how mistreating your goddess is better." She began pacing around the large tree they found themselves underneath, her dress barely touching the ground. 

"Let's list your transgressions, shall we?" She said as she made it quarter of the way around the tree. 

"First, you leave your fiancee without telling her. I've seen her, you know," at least in your memories, the goddess thought, "she is convinced you are dead but can't bring herself to love another. She's wasting her life away for you, unable to get the support she needs from any direction." By this time, she was halfway around the tree. 

"Second, you agreed to enlist men against your king, a king who, for almost a hundred years, has ruled with a gracefully benign hand." As she came into Philip's view again, she refused to look at him, an expression of irritation heading toward disgust plain on her face. 

"Third, while you saved the king's life from the demon, I felt you pining after him even in his distress." At this point, she turned to fully face Philip, bringing herself, with some appearance of difficulty, to look him in the eye. 

"And even now, you have a hunger for me in this body and asked for it specifically." The goddess stepped forward so Philip's body was only inches away from hers, and a band of opalescent light extended from the side of one wrist and began to wrap gently and soothingly around both her and Philip's wrists, tethering them to each other. 

"And those are only the most recent celestial charges against you," the goddess said, whispering next to Philip's other ear this time and nipping at the very bottom of his earlobe.

Philip's expression shifted into a note of confusion as the being referred to herself as his goddess. She didn't strike him as any deity he was familiar with, but then again, it'd be rather arrogant to assume he knew enough about the heavens to identify any deity on sight. Certainly, shapeshifting was a power worth acknowledging, which this being obviously had. Philip swallowed uncomfortably, part of his mind experiencing a lot of friction against the idea that a deity would behave in ways that this being had, but part of him feeling humble and like perhaps he did owe this being an apology. But... what even would have been the correct way to behave? She'd put him in a terrible position.

He was drawn out of his current line of thought when the being mentioned his fiancee, and a deep blush colored his face as notes of sorrow and pain pricked at his expression and drew his gaze down to the side. Deeply mixed feelings tied a knot in his gut, as a part of him was... relieved to hear that she hadn't moved on, which he immediately recognized as selfish and cruel of him. Not to mention hypocritical. Not that he had done anything inappropriate, but he had certainly lusted after others since leaving her, and he regretted those thoughts deeply. Even disregarding his duty to his fiancee, it was still inappropriate for him to have entertained objectifying thoughts about his captain and his soldier in ways he had done. It was disrespectful both to his fiancee and to them.

Then came the charge of treason. Philip couldn't deny it. Once he'd realized what his orders from Blake truly entailed, he'd had to make one of the toughest judgement calls of his life. He'd wanted to trust Blake - and, on good days, he still did, deeply. The king had changed, and Mizu certainly didn't strike Philip as someone following a path of folly. And yet... it was a path of treason, which somehow Blake had also chosen to take, and he never had figured out how to reconcile that. It was easy enough to go through the motions; to accept that who he was now was a lieutenant in the rebel army, and follow orders from there, but he knew there were ideological rifts he was simply ignoring because he couldn't handle processing them.

His blush darkened as the being continued, this time calling out the lust that Philip had experienced for the king just moments ago, when sexual thoughts should have been just about the furthest thing from his mind. He brought his eyes up to her mostly out of a sense of surprise - this was the first charge that made clear that the being could read his thoughts, which was troubling. He easily picked up on the disgust and irritation in her expression, which he couldn't even begrudge her for, especially knowing what else he'd thought in her presence already. He averted his gaze back down and to the side, just in time for the being to confirm that, yes, she was also aware of Philip's lust after the body she inhabited now.

The lieutenant stood tensely with his fists clenched at his sides, his mind swirling with combating inclinations to defend himself or to accept these judgements; to continue challenging this being or to acknowledge her authority. He still felt deeply suspicious of her and her motives, but she stated such truths, he was losing his footing in this exchange. At some point, it was merely self-serving to continue to question her authority.

In any case, Philip didn't resist the light wrapping around his wrist. Even if some small pang of fear about it tried to sound an alarm somewhere deep in his mind, he was too occupied with the other battles raging within him to address it, and besides... however little sense it made, the light felt soothing, and some part of Philip certainly wanted to lean into anything that felt the least bit good right about now.

He was so caught up in his internal conflict that the whisper by his ear surprised him, and his shoulders tensed in response, his feet reflexively shuffling a half-step to the side to try to get some personal space back. By that time, the being's teeth were already on his earlobe, though, and shuffling to the side simply doubled down on the sensation as it tugged the lobe through her teeth, and sent shivers rippling out across Philip's neck, up across his scalp, and down through his spine.

He was quiet for a moment, his breathing uneven but doing its absolute best to remain steady as he contemplated how to navigate this situation. He finally spoke up again, although his voice was slightly more timid and resigned than the calm assertive way in which he usually spoke.

"What would you have me do?"

"Acquiesce. Accept that the gods have given you to me, the goddess of dreams and desire, as punishment. I have so graciously agreed to cleanse you of your lust, to show you all the myriad ways your mind and body have betrayed you and will hand you back to them clean and penitent." As she said this, the tendril of light lengthened and wrapped up Philip's arm and neck, curling around to press gently at the corner of his mouth as though it wanted in, the pleasure and ache of it unmistakable. She ran her free hand over the place where the light curled around Philip's neck and caressed both, sending tiny pricks of lightning into both the light and Philip's skin in a way that enhanced the sensitivity and pleasure of each.

"Let me show you the full extent of what your body has wanted and has done, so you know exactly what you are being punished for. Let me into your body to cleanse you and make you pure."