Written Wonderland

"Yeah."

Honestly, as soon as the syllable was out of Trevor's mouth, Yukiko recognized she'd gone awry. The soldier was back to being short with her, his body language only subtly different but just enough for her to read him as more guarded than he'd been a few moments prior. It probably also helped that she knew she'd been taking a risk, and it wasn't terribly surprising that it hadn't panned out. Sad, maybe even a touch embarrassing, but not surprising. She was very good at talking big picture, but not always the best at knowing when other people needed to zoom in, or even necessarily how to.

The only question now in Yukiko's mind was whether to acknowledge it in an attempt to clear the air, or whether that would only burden Trevor further.

"I'll file away that I misunderstood something, though." She said lightly after a moment as she pushed herself to her feet, deciding that acknowledging it was useful, and that the way not to burden Trevor with the acknowledgement was to relieve any pressure to resolve this straight away. "If you'd be willing, I'd like to talk again sometime, but I won't trouble you any further right now."

She watched the water for a moment, just in case the soldier did want to say any parting words, but she wouldn't wait more than a couple beats before nodding to Trevor and then turning to walk back towards camp.

Trevor was surprised that Yukiko pushed herself to her feet so quickly and even more surprised that she acknowledged that she had upset him. What was she playing at? Trevor was confused, and it appeared plainly on his face. He looked up and her and then stared angrily at the ground, unsure what to do.

She was clearly about to leave, so if he wanted to say something else he needed to do it now. He couldn't manage to get words out of his throat until she had already started walking away, but he called out to her, grateful that they were a ways away from earshot of others, "I would only give my life for this cause or... for the goddess. You can count on that."

He hoped it was enough to win her trust back. He was going to make it. He just... wasn't quite there yet.

Yukiko happily paused and turned back to Trevor when she heard him speak up. She kept her expression relatively neutral while he spoke, but she was glad he'd wanted to say one last thing. And she was especially glad at what it was. She let her smile brighten quite a bit as his meaning truly sank in.

"Understood, and I will."

She nodded to Trevor, hoping that he now felt their misunderstanding was cleared up; she certainly felt that way. She felt a little heavy at having burdened him with the thought of other soldiers struggling with life in a decidedly different way than he was, but she wasn't sure there was any way to remedy that now. She did linger for a moment though, leaving one more opening in case the soldier needed to say or ask for anything else, before she again turned to walk back towards camp.

((OOC: And I'm happy to move on into their next conversation lol, but figured may as well pause just in case Trevor does want to give one last response))

Trevor spent much of the day after the conversation with Yukiko admitting to himself that he would need some time to recover, or at least regather his strength. He went to mess hall, eating plenty but begrudgingly feeding his body and managed to catch Evan for a perfectly frustrating--if it was, at moments, amusing--conversation.

After that, Trevor sat around a fire at one edge of the camp among fellow soldiers he knew would not try to coax conversation out of him. Trevor still got a number of curious and surprised looks, but he fended them off well, and when someone did ask him a question, he decided that being abundantly truthful the situation might actually be the best way to get it all over with. They wouldn't know whether or not he was being honest anyway, and more rumors couldn't hurt when they were already in full flight around camp.

Among his favorite interactions:

"So what was she like... you know... under the sheets?"

"A lot like you would be, actually," Trevor said to another soldier who did, actually, have some similarities to the form the goddess took in Trevor's first dream with her. It shut the man up promptly as Trevor had hoped it would, and he left before Trevor had much time to say anything else. Good riddance.

And then Trevor slept. He knew that his body must have been in some state similar to sleep while at least part of him was with the goddess, but he was exhausted as though it really had been three days since he had gotten much rest. He slept through the night, though he awakened on several occasions to a hollowness in his chest when he fully recognized--again and again--the absence of the goddess. It only became worse when Trevor had an exceedingly vivid dream in which he returned to her--in his full agency--and vowed to serve her for the rest of his life. When Trevor awoke from that dream, the sun was high in the sky, and it was long past time when Trevor should be pining after things that would probably never happen again.

Luckily, once he had gotten dressed in fresh clothes, Trevor felt almost fully himself again. In fact, he thought it would be good to get some physical activity in now that he was certain he had taken care of the more urgent needs of his body. After grabbing a bite from the mess hall, he went for a long run around the field adjacent to the camp and then found a sparring partner in one of the other captains' soldiers. She was strong and faster than Trevor would have expected, and eventually he felt the need to say, only half-joking, "Hey, you've got to go a little easy on me--I only just woke up." But he said it with a smile on his face. It was good to feel fully in control of his body again, and he had to admit that this woman impressed him.

((OOC: Not totally sure who the woman is yet or if it matters. If you would like to throw one of your people in, feel free.))

((OOC: After Yukiko's relevant convo with Mizu after Evan's third night))

Yukiko once again headed out into camp with Trevor on her mind, and this time she didn't feel the need to seek out the soldier's lieutenant first; this would be purely his decision to make, far as Yukiko was concerned.

But, she also didn't want to make a big hubub that she was looking for him. She asked a couple soldiers she felt wouldn't think much of it, and they hadn't seen Trevor up and about yet, so the captain let it go for a bit and went on with her day, though she kept an especially sharp eye open; she really did want to have this conversation with Trevor as soon as she could.

The opportunity came some time later when Yukiko spotted Trevor sparring. She smiled to herself, glad to see him engaging with his body. She even had a moment of doubt; was it fair to offer him this temptation, if he really was trying to land? But, surely it would be unfair to withhold it from him. No, she had to tell him this option was on the table, and trust him to make his own decision about whether to take it.

The captain did wait for a break in the match before approaching, though.

"Hey, you've got to go a little easy on me--I only just woke up," Trevor said with a smile, and his sparring partner grinned.

"Yeah like two days ago, c'mon," she responded with a playful eyeroll as she straightened up and stretched her arms back behind her before rolling her shoulders a bit. "Gotta get you back in shape."

"First," Yukiko cut in, gently stepping forward to catch the soldiers' attentions, "I need to steal him for a bit."

The brunette nodded. "All yours, captain." She tossed a warmer smile to Trevor. "For real though, hit me up whenever. You're not bad for someone who was konked out for a couple'a days." She tossed in a wink there at the end, and then turned to leave, waving casually over her shoulder as she headed off.

"Sorry for interrupting," Yukiko said as she stepped closer to Trevor, "But I have some news I think you'll want to hear. Walk with me?" She nodded in the general direction of the river, and hoped her bright smile would give Trevor a sense of optimism about the conversation.

((OOC: Yeah in case it wasn't obvious, Kaila volunteered to be the sparring partner lol. She'd put a kissy face emoji here but we don't know how so here's a winky face instead ))

Trevor enjoyed the banter happening immensely, and his grin widened as he prepared what he thought would be a quippy response, but then he heard Yukiko's voice, and his face fell immediately, his sword arm lowered, and his body constricted in ways it had relaxed while he was exerting himself. He reigned in the negativity of his reaction, however, sheathing his sword partly to clear his head before he looked in Yukiko's direction.

At his sparring partner's last remark, Trevor regained a percentage of his smile and nodded at her. Yes, he did think he would hit her up again. That was the closest thing he had had to fun in...

Yukiko stepped closer, and Trevor bristled. He was grateful she apologized, but... she did need to apologize. If Yukiko hadn't been his captain, he would have said as much. "Walk with me?" she said and looked as though she was going to head toward the river.

" 'Kay," Trevor said but then added, "but not to the river this time." Part of him wished it were still appropriate to have his sword in his hand.

"Sure thing," Yukiko said, her tone and smile still bright, but her posture leaning a bit away from Trevor as he began to walk, "Field okay? It's not news for other ears just yet."

She was relieved when Trevor smiled and seemed to relax, though she didn't quite let that return her own posture to normal. His prickliness had reminded her that their last conversation hadn't necessarily ended well, even if she herself felt no residue from it, and she did want to give Trevor enough space to remain relaxed.

She led the soldier through camp, once again expertly dismissing any outside interests with a polite smile and a swift moving-on.

Once they were far enough outside some other soldiers' usual running paths that they shouldn't have any incidental eavesdroppers, Yukiko plopped herself down in the grass, legs stretched out wide as she leaned back just slightly on her hands. She waited just a moment to gauge whether it seemed like Trevor was going to also make himself comfortable or just remain standing. If the former, she'd wait another moment for him to do so, but as soon as it looked like he was in the position he wanted to be in, Yukiko opened the conversation right up.

"The goddess has agreed to free the Shel'ti soldiers in exchange for volunteers from our ranks." Yukiko watched Trevor's expression carefully, her own expression now a little less bright and a little more curious. She honestly wasn't sure how Trevor was going to feel about this. She certainly recalled what he'd told her the day he awoke, but she wasn't positive he'd appreciate feeling held to account for it. To wit--the captain continued after just a brief pause. "You're under no obligation here, but I wanted you to be among the first to know about the option to go to her."

At the news that Yukiko was about to tell Trevor something confidential, Trevor relaxed a little and couldn't help but crack a bit of a smirk. Okay, he supposed he could tolerate Yukiko for something like that. And it was good news that she was seeking him out, right? Wouldn't this mean she would continue to keep him informed in the future?

Trevor was surprised by the casual way Yukiko spread out on the ground but, before long, felt awkward standing. He finally sat down cross-legged with an elbow on one of his knees.

Yukiko wasted no time getting down to business.

It took Trevor a moment to fully understand what Yukiko had said. He rolled her first sentence over in his mind, trying to determine if he could trust at what she seemed to be getting at. The goddess wanted volunteers from their ranks in exchange for the Shel'ti? And they were going to acquiesce her?

And Yukiko wanted Trevor to be the first to know.

Fuuuuck. Trevor really didn't think the opportunity to see the goddess again would happen so soon, but when else was it going to be more likely than now? And he had just told Evan that he didn't want to be one of the goddess' many... but... Damn. Things had already changed a lot since yesterday.

Trevor stared hard at Yukiko, searching her face. He was grateful that she said he wasn't under any obligation, but he was suspicious about the other motives she had. How many others of the men she had marked as suicidal was she making this offer to? Was this just a convenient way to get rid of them? And, even if it were, did Trevor really care? Was he really about to pass up this opportunity?

"How many of us does she want? Has anyone already agreed to go yet?" Trevor asked solemnly, his brows furrowed with both contemplation and a strange sensation of hope.

And after asking those initial questions and receiving answers, Trevor's next question, with a slight chuckling scoff, was "And Mizu's really on board with switching us out for the Shel'ti army?"

"Ten," Yukiko answered matter-of-factly, "You're the first I've approached, and I think I'm the first captain to know--aside from Rutliff." Thanks to a visit from the goddess--the thought to say that was rather invasive (and amusing), but Yukiko contented herself with the life of the whim in her imagination as she continued on smoothly, "As far as I know no one has had the opportunity to sign on yet."

Trevor asked a follow-up question, and Yukiko gave a light shrug in response.

"I don't think she's thrilled, but if we can find the volunteers, it's a good deal."

Trevor could not help the fact that his chest puffed up with pride to know that he was one of the first people to know, even among the captains. That meant that, even if Yukiko was trying to pawn unuseful soldiers off... Wait, did that make him the first one she would pawn off? No, that didn't feel accurate. She was trusting him, and she wanted to give him first pick. With only ten positions open, Trevor was grateful he had the chance to decide.

That's assuming everyone else was chomping at the bit to get to the goddess, on which front, Trevor realized he was likely biased.

No one else really knows what they're in for, Trevor thought. Except the other thralls. He wondered if they would want to return as well, if the goddess had ruined the rest of them the way she had ruined Trevor. It was likely. As much as he didn't understand his own desire to go back, he wouldn't fault anyone for the same.

Trevor couldn't argue with the fact that it was a good deal, and Rutliff must have assumed that ten was an easy enough number. Hell, Trevor might even have been on his list of people to talk to. Thinking that, he was grateful that it was Yukiko talking to him and not Evan. Evan would be harder to say "yes" to.

Was that what he was going to say? Yes? Was he really prepared to give up his life for this cause? To be with the goddess?

He had already told Yukiko that those were the only reasons he would give up his life. And here they were--intimately tied together.

"I don't suppose the b--er... the goddess gave an end date," Trevor said with a light scoff that was goodhearted in nature. His body, at least--his chest, his throat, his stomach--was undeniably excited about the possibility, and it was certainly starting to show in his tone.