Written Wonderland

Jaz was very plainly dismayed by Ren's response. He supposed he could understand that. She was so utterly, unimaginably alone here. Something in him relaxed, finally actually seeing the recognition that he'd gestured at around others. He'd almost used it like a mask--an easy explanation to hide the complexitied of the situation beneath--but it was itself true, also. Of course, the two of them certainly had their differences, too--she was going to need to be patient to walk this path her sorala had sent her on, if it was anything like the journey he'd taken.

"Any advice on where to put that thing?" Jaz asked, sullen to say the least. Ren was already moving toward a spot near the front of his cabin, and he eyed her sharply, irritated by her tone.

"I was thinking here," he replied with a bit of a bite in his own voice as he got the tent laid out. He stepped back slightly and gestured to it, facing Jaz a little more squarely and assessing her--where her eyes tracked, what she seemed to be weighing or paying attention to.

He'd arranged the tent so that it was in front of and just off to the side from his cabin, so that one would cross most of the clearing the same direction to get to either, but a few paces in front of his door would peel off to walk the last few paces to the tent. The structures would be close enough that he would likely hear if she raised her voice, but maybe not if she wanted to talk to herself in peace--likewise, what she would likely hear or not hear of him. The window by the small table just inside his cabin would have an easy view of the tent, to watch over her as much to watch her.

"I was thinking here," Ren said, stretching the tent out on the ground a few paces from his front door. Really, it was diagonal from one of the front corners, near to one of Ren's windows. Jaz wondered if he would be able to see her from there. She supposed so. She felt both comforted and frightened by that thought for reasons she did not fully understand.

She paused, watching him wrestle with the tent for a moment before shaking her head to clear it.

"I accept," she said, her voice lilting with gratitude. Pulling her satchel off to rummage through it, Jaz found the thread they had gotten to patch the tent and began searching for the tear the shopkeeper had mentioned. This much, Jaz could take care of on her own. While Ren worked on the outer structure of the canvas tent and the apparatus to raise it up--little more than sticks and string fitted just so--Jaz sewed the tear she found tightly together.

She didn't speak while she worked--it was good to lose herself in a task--and something was simmering between the two of them, her and Ren. She wondered if he was upset with her again, somehow. She remembered walking up to his door just earlier that morning.

Gods, lifetimes had already passed in this new world, and she hadn't even slept yet.

She shivered at the thought. Did she have enough blankets to keep warm here without body heat? She doubted it. A fire then?

Without thinking, she tied the finishing knot quickly and snapped her fingers, trying to produce a flame just to see if she could. There was a spark, but it quickly sputtered out. She looked at Ren briefly, wondering if he would get mad at her for trying this here. But surely they were far enough away from anyone who would care out here in the woods? She snapped again. Another quick flare of a spark. A third time, blowing on it a little. And finally, her magic caught flame, burning pleasantly and warming her.

But something was wrong--she was rapidly growing fatigued, and her head started to swim. The flame extinguished itself, and Jaz swayed side to side, needle dropping to the ground as she stumbled slightly to catch herself. When she looked down at her hands, they were almost entirely white, somehow even more sickly.

Jaz looked over at Ren with wide eyes, hoping he understood--like she was beginning to--what had happened. Still, sleepiness pulled at her.

((OOC: She'll grab her blankets and start trying to settle in if Ren does not interrupt her somehow.))

"I accept," Jaz said after assessing his placement proposition. Ren kept his sharp gaze on her a moment longer, assessing whether she was being ornery about it, but then he relaxed, deciding that, no, her tone had sounded genuinely grateful. So he gave her a nod, his expression softer, and he got back to dealing with the tent while Jaz fished for the needle and thread from her bag.

The two of them worked well together in actually getting the tent up. Jaz focused on mending the tear, and Ren focused on getting the structure up. He was just fussing with straightening things out when he heard Jaz snap. He didn't immediately stop what he was doing, but his mind turned over what he thought a snap might be about. Then he noticed Jaz look at him, and he looked at her quizzically, relinquishing the final bits of fussing with the tent to give Jaz his full attention.

She snapped again, and this time Ren noticed a spark--like a scrape of flint and steel, but nothing caught. Then, she tried a third time, this time blowing on it a little, and a small flame erupted, like she'd done that morning. He felt equally awe-struck this time--perhaps even moreso, now that he had his guards at least a little bit lowered. The thought crossed his mind that the flame she conjured was beautiful.

And then, all at once, the flame extinguished, and Jaz swayed and stumbled, dropping the needle to the ground. Ren instinctively stepped toward her, but he'd been too far away to close the distance that quickly. She caught herself, looking down at her hands and back up to Ren, her eyes wide. She looked sick. It tugged at him, tugged at that recognition, and Ren let out a silent breath, subtly extending his hand to Jaz as he stepped toward her again, slowly but steadily closing the gap between them. They'd done the time-sensitive part. She needed touch, and he was ready to offer some.

When Jaz looked at Ren again, eyes bleary, he was already reaching toward her, hand outstretched and closing the distance between them fast. She sucked in a breath of air, trying to steady herself and prepare herself for what that was going to feel like in the seconds before it happened.

When their hands made contact, quickly grasping for each other, Jaz immediately felt as though cool water rushed through her veins, flushing whatever sickness out of her. Unconsciously, she pulled on Ren's hand, tugging him closer to her slightly or at least putting muscle into their grip such that her arm felt the pressure of his weight. She didn't want to overwhelm him or incidentally push him away, but she wanted to feel him fully.

Her other hand came to rest on their shared grip, and another wave crashed over Jaz as she threw her head back to revel in it.. She pulled in another breath, this one coupled with an breathy, uncontrollable laugh of bliss. Gods, she could not possibly communicate verbally how grateful she was. Jaz only realized then that her eyes were streaming with joy, and it was coursing through her. Through them both.

"Ren," she said, in awe of the connection they had spontaneously created, somehow clean and clear here in the space held by all these foreign trees.

((OOC: Jaz's skin is rapidly turning back to beige and is starting to tinge blue again.))

Jaz drew in a breath, seeming nervous as Ren approached, but, if he was reading her correctly, she did want him to touch her. He hesitated only long enough to check in with himself, then -- was he truly prepared for whatever might give Jaz some sense of trepidation about the impending touch? -- but he decided that, yes, he was. They'd done what they needed to do, and he had resolved to trust her, and himself -- as Sankera would have him do. It was the only way to know the warmth of her hearth, and he'd had enough of a taste of it with Monica that he wanted more. He might only be able to share a small flicker of it with this relative stranger, but she needed it. This, he believed.

Their hands grasped each other, and Ren's breath quietly escaped him as he felt a rush, a little bit like the jolt of falling and a little bit like getting swept up in a stream. But, he felt his feet on the ground, solid and steady, and he felt strong. He felt competent. He had navigated through a situation he never could have conceived of today, and he had done it well, even considering the bumps along the way. He felt proud. Jaz grasped tightly at his hand, pulling against it as though searching for an anchor, and he offered himself in that moment, arm muscles gently firming and tensing and connecting through his chest, his core, his legs, and the land they stood on.

Jaz brought her other hand to clasp over Ren's, and relief untangled tension he hadn't realized he still held in his chest. Jaz threw her head back and laughed, and Ren couldn't help smiling, a small breathy chuckle escaping him as well.

"Ren," she said, her voice sparkling with awe, her eyes streaming with joyous tears. Ren offered gratitude to Sankera and Veil, for the parts they played in hselping him get safely to this moment.

"I've got you, Jaz." He said gently, and brought his other hand to also clap over Jaz's, both hands squeezing with warm regard. "I want to help you. We will figure this out."

Behind her eyes, under her skin, the swirling sensations of rocks standing in the coolness of rushing water. Jaz looked at Ren, who uttered his own little laugh, and she smiled. His muscles strained pleasantly inside of her grip, and she felt anchored, held in this place. Maybe they were going to be all right.

"I've got you, Jaz," Ren said quietly, bringing his other hand over hers to further strengthen their touch connection. He squeezed, even, causing her to inhale sharply, sweetly, as a rush of sparkling delight spread through them both. "I want to help you. We will figure this out."

Jaz blinked at him, and she might have disbelieved him, except it was so clear in the sensations between them that he meant it. And not just a little bit. Something about his words and the way they rushed over her--it felt like a sacred oath.

Gods, had she inspired that much confidence in him so quickly? She didn't fully understand where it was all coming from, but gods be damned, she was grateful for it, and it was crystal clear that she needed his help.

Closing her eyes, she felt into the water rushing over and through them both, waiting for the momentum of the sensation to slow toward a steady trickle. When she opened her eyes again, her skin was almost entirely blue. More tears escaped her eyes.

She was leaning away from Ren, holding her weight away from him to feel steady in his grip, and she felt him doing similar. It had the odd effect of making her less inclined to ask for more touch from him. She liked feeling his weight and knowing that he was balancing against hers. She felt held and capable at the same time.

Jaz didn't want to break the moment. She let a hundred quips wash away in the water between them and instead just looked into his eyes gratefully, curiously.

Thank you, she thought, perhaps sharing the thought with Ren if he was leaning in enough to hear it. But it wasn't for him--it was for Dehaljadrun.

Ren watched as Jaz closed her eyes, trusting him. His chest felt warm, even as the sensation of cool rushing water still rippled through him. Over time, Jaz leaned away from Ren, entrusting her weight to his grasp. He enjoyed bracing against it, standing firmly in whatever current they were in and holding her hands. She opened her eyes to look at him, joyous and tearstrewn, and their gazes met for a long, long time.

Discomfort flared continuously throughout all of it, anxious waves pulsing in his chest, trying to tighten, but he also continuously re-checked his firm and steady footing on the ground; replayed Monica's immediate desire to help Jaz when they'd met; took a fresh look at Jaz before him, and opened his chest again with continuously renewed resolve to trust. Jaz was not taking from him; she was not diminishing him or harming him in any way. He felt refreshed, and strangely unburdened. If all he had to do was be an anchor like this... he could be quite happy doing that for a very long time, watching her joy as she floated in this energetic stream between them.

Thank you.

He more sensed the words than heard them, but he felt confident they had come from Jaz. He wasn't so sure they were for him, though. He turned his attention toward the other directions that he himself had thanked that night, and let out a silent shudder of a gasp to feel a sudden warmth drape around him, weighted and cozy like a warm cloak on an autumn day. A gift? He returned his attention more fully back to Jaz, his heart pounding--suddenly, but not unpleasantly. He supposed he wondered if she had felt a presense then, too. He gave her hands a gentle squeeze, eyebrows raising subtly in a quiet, breathless sort of curiosity.

((OOC: My gut is that Jaz may not have enough of a connection with Sankera as a diety in this realm to feel anything directly here, but I'm open to other thoughts there. Sankera *is* extremely pleased and proud of them both.))

There were many times when Jaz thought of ending the connection, of letting go, of caving to Ren's gentle discomfort when it streamed down in through them. But she didn't. It was so sacred, so beautiful a moment, that she wanted it to last as long as it could. As long as it wanted to. And as she felt Ren open and open and open into all of this, she thought she was beginning to understand him better. Perhaps he needed this sort of privacy, in the woods, away from the village, to fully experience something like this. And when he did, his devotion was as vast as the strange blue sky above them.

For a moment, Jaz began to feel cold, the cold of the misty mountains from home, the wind friendly. But then a warmth came over her--no, through her, through Ren--and Jaz acutely felt Ren's heartbeat begin to race around her hands. She widened her eyes in alarm at first, but he squeezed her hands and raised his eyebrows as though asking her something.

She shivered through the warmth.

Jaz wasn't sure she could answer his implicit question. She didn't know what the warmth was, only that she felt it and felt it through Ren. Instead of an answer, she reflected the sensation of the warmth back to him, intending to amplify it so he might know its shape better and feel its presence glowing hot in his chest. Perhaps then he could explain it to her.

Jaz looked worried for a moment, and certainly unsure. She shivered, even. But, the warmth in Ren's chest seemed to reflect from her hands back into him, and he thought he saw a question in her eyes. Fair enough. He began to turn over what he wanted to tell her in his mind - or really, reaching for what he was even intending to tell himself.

The first thoughts to come to mind were of Monica; of the temple; of the fire tended in its center, the heart of that space like the heart that glowed warmly in his own chest. The cloak sensation was interesting, and not immediately anthing that he had a narrative for; only that it felt warm and welcoming, and a little bit like velvet - like the velvet goddess herself - though it seemed rather full of hubris to imagine being so vividly visited. But maybe this is what it always would have felt like, if he felt things like Jaz seemed to feel them.

Ren drew in a breath, intending to try to put all that into words, before he remebered that of course, Jaz presumably had felt all of that, though he wondered how much sense it made to her. And besides, if they were really to get into it, he wasn't sure he wanted to do so simply standing here in the field, especially not with sunlight fading and night air settling in.

"Come," he said gently, beginning to step around Jaz toward his cabin. He hesitated briefly then, realizing he'd once again lapsed into a command. He squeezed Jaz's hands, but stopped short of issuing an apology; more, he was intending to pay close attention to how it landed with her as he followed through on leading the way toward his cabin, one hand dropping as he stepped in front of her but the other happy to remain intertwined. Surely it wasn't worth a fumbled apologetic backpedal in this case, when he felt confident he was leading them toward something they both genuinely wanted. He'd be willing to issue one if she seemed genuinely uncomfortable, though; he hoped their touch connection could help him suss that out, and perhaps offer Jaz clarity in his good faith intent. He wanted to welcome her into his cabin now that they knew one another, now that they had shared this warmth, and he wanted to talk. About Sankera, and about whatever else that led them to.

Jaz, eyes still closed in focus on whatever the strange warmth had been from Ren, she waited for a response in him--some resounding echo through his chest of what lit up inside him as he thought about it.

She felt the warmth settle deeply in Ren's chest and pull up an image of the hearth in the temple. And it was easy to imagine being in that place again with Ren thinking about it. Then, the softness of a feradon fleece. But, perhaps, stiffer, more intentionally textured. Still, warm like a caress. Inviting.

Ren drew in a breath, and Jaz opened her eyes. She wondered if she was getting all the context she needed from their touch connection or if he had been holding some of it back. Most of it back?, she wondered.

He was so guarded a creature. But then again, she knew that.

"Come," Ren said, letting go of one of her hands and taking a step in the direction of his cabin. Jaz shivered briefly, recognizing his command in her body as a shooting spark. She took a step forward, and the sensation up from her foot and into her belly was one of calm, deep water suddenly. She was positive that some amount of the sensation leaked into Ren before she turned off the tap inside her own body.

He issued another command, she thought.

But the combination of his invitation into his cabin, when she didn't expect to be allowed in again, stunned and pleased her. She was deeply grateful, and some amount of hope for more touch began to bloom, warming the water she felt like she was swimming in.

The water flared hot for a brief moment within her as she grew angry, but he looked halfway back at her, clearly registering what he had done by turning partway around. He didn't say anything to her, though. He didn't need to. It was clear in his demeanor that he hadn't meant it obligatorily. Still, she obeyed. Of course she obeyed.

A green-brown flash of fear arced through her chest for a moment when she remembered how much using her magic in this realm had just cost her. Could she even protect herself here?

But a series of images in contradiction flashed through her mind--their first interaction with Monica, Ren helping her negotiate at the shop, the hug with Sage in the garden.

Even if this place held dangers, she did not want to believe that Sage or Monica or even Ren would do her harm. There would no point to being here if she mistrusted them all entirely. So with Monica's blessings in mind, Jaz took another step toward Ren's cabin and followed him as he led her in. As though in confirmation, he squeezed her hand, and she squeezed back twice in what was now genuinely excitement.