Written Wonderland

Rav's whole body jolted when Nick squeezed, and Nick jolted in turn with surprise. Rav let out a sound that Nick dared to understand as a moan, though, interrupting the impulse to worry that whatever had just happened had been bad. Rav's body seemed more relaxed now, too, if Nick was reading it correctly. Nick himself felt warm, his heart thumping noticeably in his chest. Was it safe for them to explore this together after all they'd explored tonight? Was it selfish or foolish of Nick to want to keep going even if there was risk?

"Please... don't stop," Rav said, his voice choked with emotion. Nick swallowed and shifted his fingers along the man's muscles to find the next spot they wanted to offer a sensual squeeze, more than happy to oblige. Rav's hand on Nick's thigh dug in in answer, pulling an unsteady breath from Nick's lungs as even more warmth splashed up through his body from the touch. Each of them danced with fingers along muscle, their breaths both betraying the depth of feeling in the motions. Embarrassment started to rise in Nick--was it absurd to enjoy massage this much? But surely Rav was too.

"Please," Rav echoed, sending another pulse of heat through Nick. He'd never really imagined being in this position--the fantasies he often indulged in involving those words usually involved him being the one to utter them--but he was finding himself delighted, if vaguely scared that he didn't exactly know what he was doing. He trusted his sense of other people's muscles, though. Not that he'd had any formal training, but he liked giving massages, and had generally gotten good feedback from those who took him up on it. In fact, pulling up some of those memories... Nick's cheeks burned a little, and he drew in a particularly shaky breath before asking,

"Do you... want to hear one of my stories? About... messing around?"

As Nick's fingers continued to explore Rav's shoulders, Rav's self-awareness returned just enough to worry that maybe he had put undue pressure on Nick. Had he asked Nick to check in with himself? Had it been fair to ask Nick for what he wanted? But, Nick had already been doing something he wanted, and in fact, he had been checking in with Rav. So, surely, this was all right.

Nick gave another deep squeeze, Rav pressed his face more deeply into Nick's chest and unconsciously pulled a little bit of shirt fabric into his mouth, his muscles melting under Nick's touch. Gods, Rav didn't want it to stop.

"Do you... want to hear one of my stories? About... messing around?" Nick asked, and Rav opened his eyes, trying to get his vision to clear. He let go of Nick's shirt, a little embarrassed that had happened, and rubbed his face against Nick's chest slowly.

"Yes," Rav said, trying to sound confident and assertive without betraying too much of how hazy his mind was becoming with the sensation. "I'd like that."

Rav had turned his head to fully nuzzle his cheek into Nick's shirt, even taking a fold of fabric between his teeth. Excitement was positively buzzing in Nick's belly, and it only ramped up when Rav spoke.

"Yes, I'd like that."

Nick's legs gently squeezed on either side of Rav, just briefly, his excitement too much to contain entirely in his own body. His toes wiggled a little in his socks, too, and he hummed a little on his next exhale as he considered where to begin his tale. He swam about in his memories for a moment, continuing to enjoy his fingers against Rav's muscles all along the way. Some embarassment did threaten to bubble up that he couldn't quite remember how the story began, not really, but ultimately he decided he could let go of chronology and just share what was coming to mind.

"There was this boy in high school... there were lots of moments with him. One coming to mind right now was a time we were in a hot tub..." Nick breathed out slow, especially relishing his thumb digging into a spot that felt thick by Rav's neck.

"He was I think kind of playfully taking up a lot of space in the tub, like feet all sprawled out across the middle. One of his feet was right in front of me, and I guess I was feeling kind of bold, and I reached out and started massaging it." Nick let another pause stand there while he continued massaging Rav, maybe trying to express some aspect to his story through his fingers that he couldn't possibly capture in words, maybe trying to take in how Rav was responding.

"He locked eyes with me... his eyes were sharp, like yours." Nick's legs squeezed a little again without quite meaning to. It was intense, remembering that gaze from that moment. Remembering that moment at all, really. Although now that he was up against it, looking for the details, he realized that a lot of things were fuzzy, which again he felt a little embarrassed about, but he resolved to find what was actually important to tell; maybe details were fuzzy because they hadn't been so important to him to remember. Certainly, not as important as the visual of the boy's gaze, which had come back in crystal clarity.

"We exchanged words, but to be honest I don't remember exactly what either of us said. I think maybe I asked him if he wanted me to stop, and he made it pretty clear that it would be some kind of dangerous for both of us for me to keep going. But like, with a smile on his face, a daring expression. Honestly, I think I might have kept going, except either there were friends with us in the hot tub, or who might join us at any moment. So, I let go."

A little bit of melancholy tugged at Nick's chest which he hadn't expected he'd run into. Maybe he should have. Embarrassment flared a little again, finally impacting his body and attention enough this time that his fingers slowed and relaxed a little in their motions, weighted down a bit by the emotion. Nick let out a deep breath close to a sigh, resolving to share this part of the story, too, even though it wasn't as titillating as he'd intended when he'd begun.

"It was all kind of like that, with him. This... like, knowing between us, but never the space to fully explore it."

Almost immediately after Rav spoke, Nick's legs squeezed around him in response, and Nick wiggled his toes. It reminded Rav of some videos he'd seen online of bunnies jumping suddenly out of uncontrollable happiness, and it tugged a genuine smile onto Rav's lips.

While Rav had mostly come out of the haze that Nick's movements had put him into, prepared as he was to hear the story, Nick hadn't stopped the exploratory massage, and the black edge around Rav's vision was steadily coming back. He finally just closed his eyes and listened for Nick's heartbeat.

"There was this boy in high school... there were lots of moments with him. One coming to mind right now was a time we were in a hot tub..." Nick said, his breath airy above Rav, who sucked in a breath as Nick hit a particularly tense spot, melting the tension away with consistent pressure.

"He was I think kind of playfully taking up a lot of space in the tub, like feet all sprawled out across the middle. One of his feet was right in front of me, and I guess I was feeling kind of bold, and I reached out and started massaging it." Nick's motion changed slightly, maybe mirroring some of the movements he had made back in the memory. It wasn't at all unpleasant, and Rav hummed quietly, thoroughly enjoying Nick's continued attention and maybe mildly projecting into being this boy, however briefly.

"He locked eyes with me... his eyes were sharp, like yours." Nick's legs squeezed again, more lightly this time, and Rav's body did some kind of half-jolt, startled into pleasure. Nick had mentioned the quality of Rav's eyes before, when they had been walking back from the park, but hearing it now so casually off Nick's lips made Rav feel like they had been lovers for an eternity. It startled and delighted him.

"We exchanged words, but to be honest I don't remember exactly what either of us said. I think maybe I asked him if he wanted me to stop, and he made it pretty clear that it would be some kind of dangerous for both of us for me to keep going. But like, with a smile on his face, a daring expression. Honestly, I think I might have kept going, except either there were friends with us in the hot tub, or who might join us at any moment. So, I let go."

Nick's hands slowed their movements, again mirroring the story, and Rav wondered if he needed to give Nick permission to stop, to let Nick know that Rav had gotten everything he had asked for. But, no, maybe Nick didn't want to stop, like he hadn't wanted to stop with that boy. Nick took a deep breath against Rav and let it out with a sigh as he said, "It was all kind of like that, with him. This... like, knowing between us, but never the space to fully explore it."

Somehow, Rav had expected more details, or perhaps a little more... spice. He hadn't expected a foot massage in a hot tub. But, maybe they were easing their feet into this, pun intended, and Rav needed to take it slowly. Or, maybe... was that the extent of Nick's 'messing around'? Surely not. Then again, Nick was younger than Rav by a couple years--maybe still a virgin. Rav really didn't want to think about that right now, and besides there was no way to know without asking Nick, which Rav was certainly not about to do.

A silence passed before Rav realized that Nick probably expected him to say something, to comment on the story, maybe. Did he have anything to say?

"I'm glad we've gotten some space," Rav said finally, "Even if we had to fight for it." Rav blinked at the far wall, unwilling to turn to look at Nick's expression and hoping there was enough resilience between them that it was okay to gesture at the tangles they had unraveled together.

Then, Rav had another idea. "What do you think his sharp eyes wanted?" he asked Nick, his mouth crooking toward a smirk.

A silence passed before Nick had quite realized it--the nostalgic melancholy had captured his attention for a moment, but then an awkwardness settled over him when his attention was sudenly on the present again, his fingers stilled against Rav, his chest breathing slowly with Rav's head against it.

"I'm glad we've gotten some space," Rav said, "Even if we had to fight for it."

Nick smiled sheepishly and nodded, his fingers gently squeezing Rav's shoulders in affirmation. He pondered saying something to express his gratitude for this space, but in the end he just let the squeeze speak for itself. He wanted to trust it.

Then, Rav asked, "What do you think his sharp eyes wanted?"

Nick blinked, his breath escaping him as his vision flashed back to the sight of that expression again, the warm, excited anticipation in his chest echoing forward into this moment. His legs squeezed Rav subtly again, and heat pulsed first in his pants and then all through his body to burn at his cheeks as he wondered whether Rav would have felt the fact that Nick's pants had gotten just a little bit tighter.

"I... I don't really know, in that moment, exactly. He would have gotten aroused, I think was my understanding, if I'd kept going, but I don't know what he would have wanted about that. But..." Nick bit down on his cheek, rolling his head to the side against the couch and pulling his hands from Rav's shoulders up to cover his face. There was another memory stirring now, which he'd always known was there but which shocked parts of him to look at even now, mortified at the thought of sharing. And yet... he wanted to share it. He'd just... go slow. Surely he could do that.

"There was another time..." he began, pulling his hands down his face just enough to reveal his eyes, allowing him to look down at Rav, though he quickly looked over at the string lights instead. "Actually at that same house, come to think of it." Nick giggled a little, shaking his head. His hands slowly moved the rest of the way down his face, his chin resting on pressed-together fingers. "But, it was a big party."

He paused there for a moment, imagining the house, remembering many of the different times he'd spent there and marveling at the novelty of that brief but dense and thrilling era. But, where was he wanting to take this story? To the interaction between him and this boy at this party... His legs squeezed Rav again, another heat pulsing through him as he approached the memory in question. He breathed out slow and deep, willing his legs to relax.

"I'm, um... I'm a little embarassed about how excited I'm getting, I guess..." Nick covered his face with his hands again, humming to fill the silence while he tried to figure out what he wanted about that. Finally he pulled his hands down just enough to reveal his eyes again, once more landing on Rav and this time lingering, his brows shy and hopeful, his gaze curious and brave.

"H-how are you feeling?" he asked.

There was a pause, and Nick's hands all but stopped massaging Rav's shoulders as Rav grinned into the anticipation. All at once, Nick's legs squeezed, and a small spasm pressed up into Rav's back from Nick's groin, causing Rav to exhale unexpectedly, his grin deepening. Thank fuck they were in this position.

"I... I don't really know, in that moment, exactly. He would have gotten aroused, I think was my understanding, if I'd kept going, but I don't know what he would have wanted about that. But..." Nick pulled his hands away from Rav's shoulders, and Rav wondered if he should be concerned. Was he pushing Nick too far? But Nick continued, "There was another time..." and Rav felt Nick look down at him, but when Rav raised his eyes, Nick was already looking elsewhere, maybe into the past itself. "Actually at that same house, come to think of it." Nick giggled, and Rav wanted to bottle up the sound so he could take it out again for special occasions. "But, it was a big party."

There was a silence, but then Nick's legs squeezed Rav once more, that spasm in Nick's groin making itself known against Rav's spine more fervently. This story is going to be a ride, Rav thought. Nick breathed out slowly, and Rav recognized it as one of the ways he used to calm himself when he was getting overexcited. Probably, that was a good thing, given that they were going slow, but Rav had half a thought to make it harder on Nick, to bear down a little on his groin, to rub back and forth against it so subtly that Nick would have to wonder if he was imagining it.

"I'm, um... I'm a little embarrassed about how excited I'm getting, I guess..." Nick said, pulling his hands up over his face. Rav chuckled slightly, not even bothering to imagine how awkward he would be in Nick's position. Nick was doing great. Then, Nick lowered his hands and did look Rav in the eye, his brows curious and hopeful.

"H-how are you feeling?" Nick asked.

Rav decided to be honest. "Teased," Rav said, his grin and his eyes taking on that sharpness Nick kept talking about as he looked at Nick upside-down in his vision. "I want more of the story." But, maybe that wasn't the whole truth. "And I'm thrilled to be the one on top right now."

"Teased," Rav said, his expression sharp and daring like that boy in the hot tub. Nick's legs squeezed again, and he let out a small nervous giggle, his hands bashfully covering his eyes once more.

"I want more of the story," Rav added. "And I'm thrilled to be the one on top right now."

Nick wiggled his legs back and forth gently against Rav, more little giggles spilling out. He was thrilled, too. Still kind of embarassed, and maybe even a little scared, so he was buying time, trying to check in with himself. But his excitement buzzed all throughout his body, bright and warm and undeniable. He definitely wanted to go this direction. Just, as ever, slow. He didn't want to rush past anything.

So, finally, Nick moved his hands to his cheeks to make space for a big deep breath, his eyes closed as he held it in briefly, feeling the fullness in his lungs before he slowly let it out with a soft whooshing sound between his lips. Then, at last, he bravely opened his eyes to meet Rav's gaze, and managed not to react much, letting the exciting sharpness of the man's expression send a satisfying ripple through the core of him, settling with a thrilling little bounce in his pants.

"So, there was a room," Nick continued his tale with an ear-to-ear grin. "It was just full of blankets and pillows." Bashfulness finally found another resurgence there and his eyes flicked over to the string lights as his mind reminisced about other times he'd spent in that room, too. He wasn't sure that was quite a part of this story, but he sat with those memories, not wanting to rush past them. Maybe he could say something about those other times without needing to explain everything about them.

"A small group of us had hung out there a lot around that time, that boy included. Lounging, chatting... cuddling." His eyes flicked back to Rav's with an almost mischievous glint, but only for a moment before returning to the lights.

"At the party, in that room that night, it was..." He was quiet for a moment, his eyes closing as he imagined it. His hands finally slipped away from his cheeks and found their way to Rav's shoulders again, a little shyly, mostly in this moment wanting a place to rest.

"...me, one or two people from that group, one or two other people I don't even know if I knew, and the boy in question." Nick pondered maybe wanting to share the boy's name--would it help with telling the story? But he felt friction to it for whatever reason, so he just went on.

"There was loud music, but some kind of conversation was happening. The boy and I must have been cuddling."

Well, that was the stage set. Nick's expression had calmed during it, finding his stride in just describing the scene. But next up was the messing around part, and his ear-to-ear grin came back in earnest, his head turning to nuzzle shyly into the couch with a nervous giggle and his fingers softly squeezing a little into Rav's shoulders.

It was so hard to find the words to describe what came next, though. It was hard to even remember clearly--how had they gone from A to B? His body very nearly took it upon itself to demonstrate, his legs squeezing again and his hips lifting minutely off the couch before he caught himself, though there was little to be done about the cascade of excitement in his groin. Briefly, that embarassed mortified feeling washed over him, muting his excitement, but he replayed the sound clip of Rav saying he was thrilled to be on top, reassuring himself that Rav had opted into this to some extent, and was also certainly empowered to move positions if he got uncomfortable.

"Not just cuddling." Nick finally said breathily, his face still nuzzled against the couch. "Like... humping, almost?" He shook his head a little and brought his hands back up to his face; no, 'humping' felt like the wrong word. "Just... making friction, really..."

Nick's legs squeezed around Rav again, shifting back and forth in a small alternating pattern for a few repititions. He was quiet for a moment, and noticed that his breathing was heavier, his heart thumping softly in his chest. And, good grief, he was sure that Rav felt his erection against his back at this point. His cheeks burned hot beneath his hands, and he tried to breathe deeply and calm down a little bit. Shyly, he lowered his hands enough to open his eyes and peek down at Rav again, ridiculously nervous but wanting to check in with how all this was landing.

There was certainly warmth beaming up from Nick's pants, but Rav tried not to fixate on it too much. It was just a part of the ambiance, like the string lights or the gentle pressure of Nick's legs around him. As Nick bounced his legs mildly from side to side, he giggled, and Rav nestled his torso back further against Nick in response and looked forward, settling in as though Nick was about to tell a bedtime story, which, in some ways, he was.

Nick took a deep breath--the beginning of any good story--but he didn't let it out for a while. Finally, Rav looked back at Nick, making sure he was all right, but Nick started to exhale and opened his eyes to meet Rav's gaze. The second he did so, a wave of pressure pushed up into Rav's spine, and Rav's eyes widened, delighted to be the cause of Nick's reaction. Just the mere sight of him was doing that to Nick? Rav could feel himself salivating. It made him want to turn his own body over, crawl on all fours onto Nick's lap, and take Nick's bottom lip in-between his teeth.

But, he didn't. Instead, he took his own deep breath and stared forward at the wall, letting the fantasy pass.

"So, there was a room," Nick said, setting the scene. Rav was grateful for the distraction from the present. "It was just full of blankets and pillows. A small group of us had hung out there a lot around that time, that boy included. Lounging, chatting... cuddling." Rav felt Nick's gaze on him, so he met Nick's eyes again, but it didn't last long as Nick's darted to the string lights again. No reaction from between Nick's pants this time. Shame.

"At the party, in that room that night, it was..." Rav looked forward at the wall, waiting, and then Nick's hands rested once more on Rav's shoulders, and he closed his eyes, enjoying the potent echoes of Nick's previous explorations, even if the man's hands weren't moving now. "...me, one or two people from that group, one or two other people I don't even know if I knew, and the boy in question. There was loud music, but some kind of conversation was happening. The boy and I must have been cuddling."

Without opening his eyes, Rav raised one of his eyebrows at Nick's pause, wondering if Nick was planning to tease him again. But, instead, Nick erupted into a wonderful stream of giggles that made Rav wonder if Nick was even going to be able to finish the story. As Nick's fingers squeezed Rav's shoulders, maybe just to anchor himself to something tangible, Rav smirked but did not bother opening his eyes, being patient.

After a moment, however, Nick's body bucked up into Rav's--not a quick, unconscious movement but a slow, intentional one, even if Nick did stop it halfway. Was he imagining something that had happened with the boy? More saliva poured into Rav's mouth as Nick's cock pulsed against the center of Rav's back, and this time, he had to hold himself back from making a hungry groaning sound. But, again, he kept himself under control, fingers laced over his stomach.

"Not just cuddling," Nick finally said, confirmed what Rav had suspected. "Like... humping almost? Just... making friction, really..." Rav couldn't help but think about the kinds of friction he wanted to make with Nick, the kind that they had accidentally made that last time at contact improv, that slow sliding of fabric against fabric at the front of Rav's pants. Nick's legs squeezed Rav, and Rav realized he had started breathing heavily, some dangerous edge approaching. He felt fear closing in around the edges of his awareness, that assumption that, if he got excited past a certain point, there were be no controlling himself. But, he reminded himself that Hannah had given him lots of practice, that he wasn't a monster who was going to erupt and swallow Nick. Rav was a rational, thoughtful human being with empathy and compassion, and he could control his sexual urges, gods damn it.

Nick's erection was fully formed now against Rav's back, warm and hard, and Rav wanted so badly to cup his hand around it. He pressed his lips together, breathing out slowly, calming down, still unwilling to open his eyes.

"I think I'm... envious," Rav said into the patient silence. "Or at least," Rav continued in a much breathier whisper, "that sounds so ridiculously good." He still hadn't bothered to open his eyes. Maybe that wasn't even the end of Nick's story, although Nick had described his interactions with this boy to be a long series of almosts.

Some part of Rav's brain was scrambling to say something that wouldn't make Nick feel responsible for reenacting that scene, but he was enjoying the sensation of Nick's cock against his back far too much to fully form words. He was tempted to start initiating right then and there, but he kept his body still, though he managed to stay soft. He wasn't trying to paralyze himself just yet, and that seemed like a good sign.

"You make good friction," Rav said quietly, replaying that moment at contact improv again and again, before Rav lost it and left.

Did he need to stop? Were they going slow? I'm not even moving, Rav thought. Were they checking in? Rav tried to claw back to why they had begun telling stories in the first place. Nick had just been trying to fill the silence, right? He had been massaging Rav, and Rav had... oh, right. The memories. His chest felt heavy all of a sudden as though something was sitting on top of him. His breath was shallow for a completely different reason. He breathed through it again, pushing all the air out of his lungs.

His brows twitched in confusion. The warmth against his back felt so good. He didn't want to move or change anything; he just wanted to be here and be comfortable and be with Nick. His eyes started welling up even behind his closed lids. "Is there... more... to the story?" Rav said, his voice more full of emotion than he had wanted to let on.

"I think I'm... envious," Rav said after a moment, though his eyes were closed. "Or at least," Rav continued in a much breathier whisper, "that sounds so ridiculously good."

Nick felt another gentle pulse of warmth move through him, bringing his attention to the pressure of his length against Rav's back. Rav himself was relaxed, almost like he didn't even notice it, though Nick felt sure that he must have. That almost made Nick even more excited, especially as he sat longer with Rav's words--his breathy approval of Nick's tale so far. Nick kind of wanted to make friction with Rav right now, but he was nervous, and he stilled an impulse in his legs to wiggle again.

Then, Rav spoke again. "You make good friction," he said, and that very nearly broke through Nick's self-control, but then a strange heaviness stilled things, both his and Rav's breaths getting shallow, and Nick felt an impulse he didn't entirely understand to be utterly still, unsure what was happening.

"Is there... more... to the story?" Rav asked, his voice... uncertain, maybe, and sounding like he was holding something back. Nick was quiet for a few nervous breaths, unsure what he should do. There was more to the story, but he felt hesitant to tell it with the heaviness in the air.

"A little..." Nick said softly, "but..." His impulse was to ask Rav if he was okay, but he wasn't sure he'd trust a 'yes'. So he settled on, "I'm feeling nervous." He felt a little embarrassed that he was saying that a lot, but it was the best thing he could think to say when he focused back in on himself and what he was feeling. His heart was fluttery, his breathing still shallow.

He made a point to take in a deeper breath and let it out slowly, and that helped a little. In the space it made, his attention fell into his groin again, the pressure there warming his awareness and pulling some of the heaviness out of the air and back into his breath. It was a little bit scary to relax into that state when he wasn't entirely sure where Rav was at, but... truthfully, it was where he wanted to be. Maybe it was okay to be there even if Rav was somewhere else.

"H-how are you feeling?" Some cringe tugged at him, sure that they'd followed this conversational pattern many times tonight and worried it might be getting old to Rav. But, he resolved to let it stand, and did his best to relax while he waited for Rav's reply, his attention drifting pleasantly while he waited between the music, the pressure in his pants, and the memories of what came next in his story.

"A little," Nick said, his body more still than Rav had hoped would be the case. "I'm feeling nervous." Rav couldn't quite help the way his body slackened further, disappointed that the two of them were back in this place. There was a temptation to clam up or maybe even get frustrated at himself. He should have quit while he was ahead. But, he tried to imagine parting the sea of his anxious thoughts with his hands, steadying his breath.

In the meantime, Nick took a deep breath, sending the pressure of his groin up against Rav's back again. It reminded Rav why he wanted to pull himself together.

"H-how are you feeling?" Nick asked. Rav wondered about the memories that kept threatening to overwhelm him from his past and his aching desire to hear the rest of Nick's story. Could Nick feel when Rav's mood changed? Even when Rav was trying to hide it? The thought was honestly terrifying. But, come to think of it, every time Nick said he was nervous, there had been something up for Rav. Granted, when wasn't there something up for Rav?

Though he was loathe to move and give up his front row seat to Nick's little pants dance, Rav wanted to look at him while they talked. He managed to roll over such that his chest was against Nick's groin, and Rav's hands adjusted so he could rest his chin on them, looking up at Nick.

"I'm glad I stayed. I really want to hear the end of this story. And, maybe you felt some memories I don't want to think about creeping in at the edges. But I'm here with you, and..." Rav flexed his pectoral muscles against Nick slightly, "...this is... extremely exciting. Please continue with the distraction?" Rav's eyebrows were hopeful.

After a moment, he added, "If you still want to know what's coming up for me next time we hang out, I'll tell you then."