Written Wonderland

Jaz took a deep breath, and then sipped at her tea, closing her eyes in thought as she did so. Ren relaxed a little--he'd braced for an unpleasant response, he'd realized--and he took a sip of his tea as well, pleased to roll the familiar taste in his mouth and enjoy its warmth.

Then, Jaz giggled a little, surprising Ren. He eyed her, but took another sip of his tea, waiting as she continued contemplating her response. The giggle made him nervous, but he let the warm tea remind him of patience and hospitality, and trust.

When Jaz returned her gaze to Ren, she looked more serious, though soft, which Ren found to be a pleasant expression.

"Would you like to know what I know of her?"

Ren was quiet a moment, and at first simply offered a soft nod, but once he set down his tea and swallowed his previous sip, he added, "Yes, I would."

He was certainly nervous about this, but surely it was better they talk this out now and not let it linger.

Ren was quiet, and Jaz thought she detected a nod, but she couldn't quite tell. It seemed risky to proceed without clear permission. But then he set down his tea, swallowed, and said, "Yes, I would."

Jaz's heart leapt into her chest with excitement, and her face brightened momentarily. She wanted to do right by her goddess. Ren had such a lovely and meaningful way of describing Sankera... All at once, she was struck by a massive wave of longing to touch Ren, to show him how she felt about her goddess, but she was determined to translate into words. Perhaps the words could feel like touch, if she did this right.

She closed her eyes for a moment, focusing as she let her face fall into neutrality. She summoned up all her memories of the stories of the goddess, everything she knew and believed and had felt herself in the land that she had lived with.

"The way the elders tell the stories," she began, eyes still closed, "there is no difference between the goddess and the land. She is what gives us strength and nourishment, beauty and depravity. When she is sick, the land is sick, we are sick. When we heal ourselves and the land, we heal her."

Jaz opened her eyes, finding a rhythm now, her eyes smiling, shining. "Pleasure, yes," Jaz said, "But also creativity, drive, passion, motivation. The elders tell us she is what moves within us to urge us into action. She is the lightning of momentum and the charred earth that disperses the charge. She is the fire and its smoke, comingling, entwined with herself for us all. And above all else, she urges us to dream. Our dreams feed the land, grow its many wonders, give birth to new creatures." Jaz took a slow breath and savored it. "And sometimes, if our coupling has so moved her with our grace and joy, love and purpose, she may even bless one of us with an embodied dream such that we may experience what it is to give birth to a whole new perspective."

Perhaps she was saying too much, going too far, but it was difficult to stop once she started. Maybe she could at least bring it down to what was more practical, tangible. "Some of the elders have met the goddess' embodied form, though she never stayed with the clan long. She has a vast palace in the valley of the realm, but we rarely leave our mountains. When I was barely more than a dream myself, I longed to see her. I wanted to travel to her. Maybe if I had had more time before the new moon came, I could have... I..." Jaz shook her head, confused and saddened suddenly, tears flooding her eyes. After a moment of stubbornly looking at the table, she blinked them back.

"Well, I'm here now, and I carry her memory within me. One day, I will go back to her." Jaz placed one of her hands over her chest, rubbing her sternum.

((OOC: Jaz will ask another question here shortly if Ren doesn't respond/react quickly.))

Jaz brightened with excitement, and then closed her eyes in thought. Ren took another sip of his tea.

"The way the elders tell the stories," she began, eyes still closed, "there is no difference between the goddess and the land. She is what gives us strength and nourishment, beauty and depravity. When she is sick, the land is sick, we are sick. When we heal ourselves and the land, we heal her."

This struck Ren as interesting, and certainly novel. He wondered if the claim was that Dehaljadrun is all land, or just the land that Jaz was from. It'd be a bit of a hard sell to convince him that this land was also the Demon Queen--when he thought of the land, he thought of Veil, or Inora, but on closer inspection... Veil was more akin to the sky, to the air, to the empty spaces the land breathed from; and Inora more akin to critters, fungus, to simple pleasures in quiet contemplation. Even so... he wasn't prepared to imagine that the goddess of dreams and desire was the ground he walked upon.

Jaz opened her eyes, her smile shining. "Pleasure, yes," she said, "But also creativity, drive, passion, motivation. The elders tell us she is what moves within us to urge us into action. She is the lightning of momentum and the charred earth that disperses the charge. She is the fire and its smoke, comingling, entwined with herself for us all. And above all else, she urges us to dream. Our dreams feed the land, grow its many wonders, give birth to new creatures."

Jaz took a slow, savory breath. Ren had to grant that she spoke poetry. He grew curious of what Monica's thoughts on all this would be.

"And sometimes," Jaz continued, "if our coupling has so moved her with our grace and joy, love and purpose, she may even bless one of us with an embodied dream such that we may experience what it is to give birth to a whole new perspective."

Ren felt oddly flushed at that, and his eyes blinked off to the side in contemplation. On some level, it made sense that the goddess of dreams and desire would be involved in conception, and yet, none of the stories he knew dared even gesture toward such a thing.

"Some of the elders have met the goddess' embodied form, though she never stayed with the clan long. She has a vast palace in the valley of the realm, but we rarely leave our mountains. When I was barely more than a dream myself, I longed to see her. I wanted to travel to her. Maybe if I had had more time before the new moon came, I could have... I..."

Ren returned his gaze to Jaz as she began to trail off. She shook her head, tears flooding her eyes, suddenly quite sad. Ren didn't understand what the new moon had to do with it--some kind of timing for her journey, he supposed. Was she saying she might have met Dehaljadrun in the flesh, had the timing just been different? What an odd thing to contemplate. He never would have imagined meeting one of his goddesses in the flesh; he was lucky if a light breeze felt like a presence. Or, a warmth in his chest.

"Well, I'm here now," Jaz said, blinking her tears back and rubbing at her sternum, "and I carry her memory within me. One day, I will go back to her."

Ren watched her quietly, his thumb rubbing absently over the subtle texture of his earthenware cup. He contemplated thanking Jaz for sharing, or asking follow-up questions, but for now he was content to just offer her a moment of space in the silence.

When she had the courage to look up, Ren was gazing at her, his thumb absently rubbing the texture of his mug. Jaz grew a little distracted at that, tracing the path his thumb moved with her eyes for a moment in the silence.

Looking again at Ren directly, she asked earnestly, "Do your goddesses walk among your people here?"

Jaz looked at Ren's glass for a moment, and then lifted her eyes back to his. "Do your goddesses walk among your people here?"

Ren's eyes drifted away agin, perhaps sad. "No."

It was in some parts tempting to leave it at that, but surely he owed Jaz more. Then, a small grin curled his lips. "Unless Monica really is Sankera in the flesh." He shook his head, though, moving his eyes down to his tea as he cupped both hands around the mug before him. "I don't think she'd like me joking about that, though. She doesn't want to be worshipped."

He sighed a little, perhaps feeling guilty. Then he took in a deep, slow breath, and let it out, trying to give Jaz a serious reply.

"Sometimes, I feel Veil in the wind. Hear Inora in the sounds of the forest. I'm still getting to know Ressen and Sankera. All of them, to be honest. I did not know any before I came here. But..." Ren touched his own chest, thinking of the warm cloak he had felt when he'd grasped Jaz's hand outside.

"Sankera has felt very present, to me, tonight. As present as I have ever felt any of the goddesses to be."

Ren looked away again before responding. "No."

His confidence startled her, but if there had not been stories of the goddess walking among her people, would she have believed? Maybe not. Jaz did not think he was going to elaborate, but then Ren allowed a small grin onto his face.

"Unless Monica really is Sankera in the flesh." Jaz chuckled slightly, but Ren shook his head, cupping his tea in both hands. "I don't think she'd like me joking about that, though. She doesn't want to be worshipped."

Jaz nodded, something about that making sense to her. Ren sighed and then took a deep, slow breath. Another short silence.

"Sometimes, I feel Veil in the wind. Hear Inora in the sounds of the forest. I'm still getting to know Ressen and Sankera. All of them, to be honest. I did not know any before I came here. But..." Ren's hand went to his chest, and Jaz wondered what he felt there. "Sankera has felt very present, to me, tonight. As present as I have ever felt any of the goddesses to be."

Jaz let Ren's statement wash over her--it felt warm and full of tenderness in her body. That she had been present for moments when he felt closest to his goddess... what an honor. She was careful not to assume it was because of her, however, as tempting as that was. More likely, it was related to the trust Ren said they had been building. And, weren't they? Jaz certainly thought so. She felt so much less afraid now than when she had arrived in this place.

She thought absently about the gods and her conversation with Sage, when Sage had mentioned meeting someone like her once, someone who worshipped Samael. Jaz tried to remember some of her lessons, ones that tried to map out the realms and which gods they might belong to. The human realm belonged to them all, didn't it? How far away was Samael's realm? She wondered.

Jaz contentedly sipped her tea, wistful, at least until she realized that she had finished asking her questions. Their impromptu arrangement was complete. A grin came over her face before the mug left her lips.

With a quirk of one corner of her mouth and one slightly raised eyebrow, she asked, "So, enjoying commanding me, then, are you?"

It was as much a genuine question as a way to try to figure out where Ren's impulse had come from. He certainly seemed like he wanted to be cautious and caring--he wouldn't have struck a deal with her about the commands if he weren't--but some part of him also wanted to play within the bounds somehow, and she found herself intrigued at the contradiction.

When Ren recovered from the weight of emotion that had settled into him, he chanced a glance back up to Jaz. She sipped at her tea in contemplation, and Ren took another sip of his own, trying to relax again. In some ways, it was refreshing to speak of the goddesses with someone new, but it was fatiguing, also.

Then, all at once, a grin erupted across Jaz's expression, and Ren grew tense once again.

"So, enjoying commanding me, then, are you?"

Ren couldn't help the small but sharp grin that tugged at his own lips in response. The good news was that Jaz did seem playful, so she wasn't too upset, then. But, he grew somber as he recalled the look of turmoil in her eyes.

"I had intended playfulness, but I didn't realize... it seemed like it hurt you."

Although flickers of guilt or shame tugged at his expression, he met Jaz's gaze calmly and confidently, hopeful that whatever the fall-out from his perhaps-misguided playfulness, they could sort through it.

That Ren's initial grin matched her own sent a thrill down through Jaz's belly, and she shifted a little in her chair. The less mischievous part of Ren soon took the reins again, however.

"I had intended playfulness, but I didn't realize... it seemed like it hurt you."

Ren's own turmoil tugged at tiny muscles in his face, and Jaz was moved by his concern.

"Only while I resisted," she said with a smirk, dragging her palm across her mug and enjoying where the texture scraped her. It struck her that this was an absolutely preposterous and possibly dangerous way to flirt. In her own village, such commands were only to be used for matters of safety and with great care. But, she wasn't there anymore, and if Ren was willing to experiment with her...

She flicked her eyes over to Ren, her cheeks deepening subtly.

"Your other commands have been much more immediate," Jaz added, tilting her head playfully, "I didn't have an opportunity to resist them."

"Only while I resisted," Jaz replied with a smirk, and Ren couldn't help raising his eyebrows, his own smirk tugging again at his expression. He eyed her hand as she palmed the texture of her mug, and Ren couldn't deny a building excitement. This seemed awfully dangerous, though. Of course, he was the one who had started this game with the command in the first place. He just hadn't realized how multi-layered it would be.

"Your other commands have been much more immediate," Jaz added, tilting her head playfully, "I didn't have an opportunity to resist them."

Ren allowed his grin fully back into his expression, his guilt thoroughly relieved.

"I see." He spoke after a langurous pause, his eyes locked steadily on Jaz, weighing how he wanted to proceed. "Yes, I have enjoyed commanding you," he finally added with a raised eyebrow, his hand tilting and slowly rotating his cup. He did not look at how the tea gently swirled within it, but he enjoyed the feel of the shifting weight against his fingers and the subtle soud the cup made as it rotated over the saucer beneath.

"Have you enjoyed being commanded?"

His eyes never once left Jaz's face as he took in her response, and awaited her reply.

Ren's grin returned, and Jaz felt a cautious triumph as a warmth spread in her chest.

"I see," he said, eyes locked completely on her as she felt electric anticipation in the air. She didn't look away. "Yes," he finally added, "I have enjoyed commanding you." He raised his eyebrow as if curious what she thought about that, still not taking his eyes off her. In the meantime, he tilted and rotated his cup but not enough for its contents to spill. Still, the movement pulled Jaz's attention as he deftly maneuvered the weight of it around, sliding the mug against the saucer beneath, making a slow, steady sound that only built tension.

"Have you enjoyed being commanded?"

Jaz's gaze flicked back to Ren's waiting eyes, deep pools of swirling, mesmerizing brown.

"No," she said with a lilt and a smile. For a split second, she dropped her gaze to the table before bringing it back to him again with a slight shrug that made her one exposed collarbone momentarily more prominent. "Not until tonight."