Written Wonderland

Jaz was nervous, at first. Even with her eyes closed, she could feel a block. The golden light she was emitting was not being accepted. There was no flow. Jaz hadn't realized how much she had wanted that before she was denied it. But, if it was a gift, she had to be unattached to whether it was accepted. Then, as she eased off a little, loosening her muscles as she rolled back her shoulders, Ren allowed it in. Jaz rejoiced, the fire in her soul leaping with glee--far from where Jaz imagined Ren's perception of her ended.

In her mind's eyes, the golden river was flowing between them. From her, to him. To a younger version of him.

Just as Jaz might have caught the glimpse of a memory, the flow completed, and Jaz pulled back into only her own awareness, satisfied just past the edge of hunger.

Jaz took a deep breath, opening her eyes to look up at Ren from where she kneeled.

"Thank you," he said with a soft smile. Then, he quirked his head a few degrees, and Jaz's heart skipped a beat. She didn't know what Ren intended as he reached a hand out toward her, and she had half an impulse to flinch away, but she held strong, unmoving, curious. He paused as though waiting for her reaction, and she took another deep breath, closing her eyes again to receive him.

She opened herself toward acceptance and leaned her head forward slightly into Ren's first soft stroke of the top of her head.

Jaz could barely breathe. She wanted more, and she was just on the verge of imagining climbing on his lap again before she... No.

She didn't want him to have to see that again. Not now. It was an effort, but as he touched her, she kept her own memories and experiences at bay, only touching Ren or allowing Ren to touch her where their two edges met--and even then only allowing that sensation skin deep. It was a strangely blinding experience, but not necessarily unpleasant. And after she had held a small amount of the magic of Ren's sun... this was yet another new experience. She could learn to enjoy this.

Well, maybe not only this.

Tentatively, she opened her mind to him, gently sending him a tiny fraction of an echo of the pleasure he had given her in the meadow, however inadvertently.

Do what you will, this land's magic had said.

Jaz did seem stiff for half a moment, unsure of the touch that Ren was offering, but she loosened, closing her eyes and gently leaning toward him, inviting his palm to gently stroke over her head. He felt a swell of something within her, and he braced for whatever vision or emotion or memory she might share, but none came though. That was its own sort of vertigo--the strangeness of an anticipation unmet swirling together with a breathless relief, his gathered stoniness dissipating as he found that they could simply just... touch.

Maybe there was a small dash of disappointment--there was a thrill in the ways she could share with him that way--but he found a great deal of relaxation in the spaciousness of this interaction, the simplicity of his hand gently caressing her head, enjoying the feel of her hair against his palm. He smiled, warmly amused at the ways that other desires swelled in him in this spaciousness--a good sign, in the wake of his recent queasiness. But, in the end, he was quite content with petting her hair, the strokes a small, calming meditation.

After a few moments, he felt her begin to open again--slowly and tentatively, and his own constriction in response echoed the same gentle shift--and a rolling wave of pleasure--freedom--suffused him.

Do as you will, came a message. It wasn't Jaz's voice--it wasn't any kind of voice, not really. More of an understanding, a reverberation through the Earth. It was pleasantly familiar, in recent years--a sensation like sinking his fingers into soil, or forging a new path through the forest, or cutting a zucchini from the vine. He wondered, briefly, whether Jaz had found her own way to one of the other goddesses--Inora, maybe?--but he wasn't sure. He decided that it didn't matter, and let the thought go, contenting himself with the warm elation that Jaz had found freedom, wherever it had come from.

Ren withdrew his hand with a soft sigh and offered Jaz a warm smile.

"Are you ready to go meet more of the forest?"

A brief moment of openness like suddenly being able to see through a dense copse of trees came through to Jaz, and she savored it, even if she didn't have context for why it was happening. She interpreted it as a good sign. What she had offered had created transparency between her and Ren. And, even more than touch, wasn't that what Jaz craved?

But withholding her awareness from him was quickly causing fatigue, and she worried that, sooner or later, she would slip up. Jaz doubted that Ren would much appreciate that if it happened.

Before Jaz needed to request that something change, Ren withdrew his hand from her scalp and smiled warmly. Much of what she craved in more connection through touch was there in the way he looked at her now. It was a decent substitute, at least for the time being.

"Are you ready to go meet more of the forest?" Ren asked, an undercurrent of excitement present in the charge of his tone.

Jaz grinned, unable to stop herself from thinking that this was exactly what her sorala was for--meeting new beings and places. It had only been two days--and hardly that--since she had arrived, but already she had experienced more than she could have imagined.

But, yesterday had been primarily about people. This time, Jaz vowed to spend more time with the plants they would be moving through. Sure, there was a person to meet at the end of the path, but there was more to enjoy on the way to the destination--Jaz was sure.

And then, if they were lucky, Ren's friend could point Jaz in the direction of where to look when she was ready to start her journey home.

"Yes," Jaz said confidently, exceedingly grateful in that moment that Ren was coming with her.

"Yes." Jaz grinned with confidence, and, with a playful smirk, Ren silently offered her a hand to her feet. If she took it, it would just be a brief touch, and he planned to offer her just a glimpse of the warm, proud feeling that swirled in his chest before pulling away. And, if she didn't accept his hand, that would be its own kind of fun, too.

From there he was silent as they both gathered their things and made their way outside, Ren studiously locking the door behind them.

He couldn't quite help eyeing the spot in the meadow where Jaz had lain down, and he flashed a brief smile at her over his shoulder. He was really glad for the glimpse she had shown him of her experience there; it bolstered what she had said, relieving much of what he'd worried about when he'd seen it from the outside.

"Do you think commands work any differently for you, now?" Perhaps he was weighing whether he might be able to be a little less vigilant about his wording; perhaps wondering if the game they'd begun to play was still in the cards; but mostly, he genuinely was just simply curious to know more about where she was at.

Without another word, Ren offered his hand to Jaz to guide her back to her feet. She hesitated, making sure she still had a handle on limiting what she shared through touch. She decided she did, although she didn't want to miss anything if Ren tried to impart anything in her direction.

Could she manage that? A one-way share? The idea felt strange, and ultimately, she decided to maintain the pinhole amount of sharing instead. There would surely be times for experiments later.

Ren's hand was warm when she gripped it, and a fullness bolstered her chest as she stood up. That done, Ren busied himself with gathering things, and Jaz took his cue, deciding what she wanted to bring with her. Her pack was much lighter than what she had carried back from town the day before, but she still thought she had enough of the essentials to be all right on her own for a while. At least, based on the limited knowledge she had of this place.

Once they were outside, Ren closed and locked the door. Jaz wasn't sure she would ever get used to that, but she decided not to comment on it this time. They had a pleasant and companionable silence, and she didn't want to break it.

He walked in front of her, and she saw him turn his head to look in the place where she had lain only a few moments before, writhing and resisting him needlessly. She worried that it might reignite emotions in him, but instead, he turned and flashed her a smile over his shoulder. She smiled to herself and the ground when he had turned back around, her face warm.

"Do you think commands work any differently for you, now?" Ren asked her after a moment.

Jaz held her tongue at the first thought to come to mind--she was maybe not [i]quite[/i] ready to start another bout of that again. Then again, maybe it didn't need to be now. She laughed lightly, her voice playful when she spoke.

"Find out sometime."

"Find out sometime," Jaz said with a playful laugh. Ren tossed her another glance over his shoulder, still with a smile on his face but a bit of a sharper shape to it, eyebrow raised. He was pleased with that, though. Whatever the answer ultimately was, Jaz was offering for him to keep playing the game. He'd look forward to it.

He was quiet as he led them out of the meadow and into the forest, following the path Jaz would have taken toward the creek. He enjoyed thinking about the journey she had taken while he'd packed, grateful that she'd been amenable to it. He led her along the creek to a shallow spot where a few large rocks made for an easy crossing.

On the other side of the creek, he grew more aware of Jaz's attention, aware now that she was traversing new territory. He'd be happy to answer questions, or to slow and encourage her to investigate any sights that sparked her curiosity. They could be leisurely today, and he was looking forward to it.

Ren rewarded her with a sharper glint in his smile, sending a flurry of excitement through her belly and out the tips of her toes. He was a delicious sort of pleased--radiating it.

Still, they didn't exchange much after that, and Jaz remembered to direct her attention to the landscape they moved through. At first, they travelled the same way Jaz had gone to refill the jugs in the creek, which held no less wonder on a second pass. Still, Jaz felt an eagerness to continue down the path, go further than she had before. She felt grateful that there were no immediate tasks to prevent her from that.

A lightness bounced in Jaz's step, her spine straightening and becoming comfortable with the changed weight balance of her satchel. Momentarily, she giggled, making a delighted sound as they walk past the path Jaz had used to access the creek. Farther down the bank, there was a series of rocks that made it easy to cross.

Ren turned back to her once they had both made it across, interested in what called her attention.

Jaz looked up at the canopy, where puffy seeds blew on the wind through the rays of sun as they shone on the rippling water. She thought for a moment that her chest might swell beyond what she could hold with the beauty of it all. It was such a starkly different beauty from home--there was no comparison. And yet, there was an underlying familiarity. A nostalgia, almost.

Nearby, a tall, scaly tree dripped some kind of sap, and Jaz approached it, bending down to sniff at the sticky substance. Slightly sweet, very herbal. Maybe astringent. She enjoyed the smell. It was refreshing.

There were many uses for the various sap from the trees near their village. One to help with smokelessness. One to freshen breath. One to encourage the birth of new djinn.

Jaz had not asked how the elder djinn had come by such knowledge. Had brave djinn tasted it? Studied it? They must have.

She could ask Ren if he used it for anything. Jaz [i]did[/i] have a guide here. But, on the other hand, she didn't just want to ask someone for the answers. She wanted to [i]discover[/i] them. And, if Ren knew it to be dangerous, she trusted he would say something about it. He was watching, after all.

Selecting a small twig on the ground that appeared mostly clear of other material, Jaz used the end to scoop a small amount of the sap on the tip. Placing a hand against the bark of the tree, Jaz looked up at the foliage, pointed and frilling out in all directions. She tried to memorize its shapes.

Bringing the twig close to her mouth, Jaz looked one more time at Ren.

((OOC: I'm imagining this is something like white pine sap.))

When Ren looked back at Jaz, he smiled, endeared by the open, sparkling awe in Jaz's eyes as she beheld the forest around them. He gently leaned a shoulder against a nearby tree, perhaps luxuriating a moment in the sight. She was like a moving painting, somehow vivifying the forest around her with her radiant delight.

Ren wondered with some awkwardness how [i]he[/i] might have looked to his own mentor those fateful years ago. That had been a wild stroke of luck, maybe not unlike Jaz's in some ways. He shook his head at himself, and pulled his attention back into the present moment as Jaz made her way over to a pine tree, bending down to sniff at some sap that had oozed from the bark. He gently pushed off the tree he was leaning against to step a pace or two closer, curious what in particular had drawn her attention about it.

She seemed to be contemplating the smell, or perhaps just enjoying it. He debated crouching down next to her to take in the smell himself, but he decided he could pick it out well enough in the air around them, if he concentrated on it. He was familiar enough to even just simply recall it, perhaps. There was a certain sort of sharpness to it that was not always to his liking when it was in strong focus, but it was always gentle and harmonious in the landscape; a pleasant familiar scent when intermingled with others. It had come to be associated with [i]home[/i] in a way that made him very, very happy.

After a moment, Jaz selected a twig from the ground and scooped some of the sap onto it before placing her other hand on the bark of the tree and looking up into its foliage. His first instinct was a warm, happy approval -- the thought blooming that Veil may be pleased -- though it occurred to him to wonder whether Jaz could share something like thoughts with the tree the way that she did with him. What would the tree share with her? What would it understand?

He didn't have long to contemplate that before he noticed Jaz shifting her gaze to him, bringing the stick with its small collection of sap up close to her mouth, clearly reading him for guidance on whether her intention was safe.

Ren quirked an eyebrow, unsure of what stance to take. If her taste buds were similar to humans', it probably wouldn't taste [i]good[/i], but he didn't know it to cause any harm--not to humans, anyhow. He frowned a little, relenting to the nervousness that was rising up in his chest, and he stepped closer to Jaz, crouching in front of her with a seriousness in his expression, one hand outstretched as if to offer a handshake.

"I don't know if this makes sense, but... can you show me some plants from your realm that you know you should [i]not[/i] eat? Just... to give me any kind of a baseline, here."

There would still be a lot of unknowns -- this realm had very different plants from her realm -- but Ren hoped that at least it might help hone some kind of an instinct that right now felt pretty damn blind. It seemed like the human-edible plants she'd had so far had served her well enough, and pine sap seemed [i]probably[/i] okay, but he felt nervous starting to explore plants that were a little bit less [i]inviting[/i] to human consumption when he still had no clue what [i]might[/i] cause Jaz problems.

One of Ren's eyebrows raised, and then his face fell, but he did not move to stop her. At least, not immediately. Jaz paused, closing her eyes and sensing into the tree again. Perhaps she [i]had[/i] been too hasty.

Jaz blinked her eyes open again, looking to Ren. He stepped closer to her, bending down to meet her and offering his hand. Her brows furrowed in confusion. Did he want her to give the stick to him? Relinquish it?

"I don't know if this makes sense, but... can you show me some plants from your realm that you know you should not eat? Just... to give me any kind of a baseline, here."

Jaz flinched, shocked. Ren was asking her to touch him? And intentionally [i]share[/i] memories?

[i]Informationally,[/i] Jaz thought, her eyes flicking to one side nervously as she bit her lip.

[i]But, no, that hesitation in his voice[/i], Jaz thought immediately afterward. He [i]knew[/i] what he was asking for. At least on his end.

Right?

Memories of plants she couldn't eat. Immediately, she thought of her room with Tenaya, Suldana, and Tigre. They way the four of them had molded into smoke and fire together as comfort, as solace, as rest, as nourishment.

She hadn't eaten often, not in the sense Ren meant. Her people ate only recreationally in the human sense. Jaz giggled short and quick, her eyes filling with water as she choked up at the same time, lowering the sap and the stick from her lips momentarily but not letting it touch the ground. In a thoughtful collapse, she fell to her knees in the foliage as she looked at the ground, embarrassed that Ren was watching this.

Sharing vulnerable memories about the plants that did not want her to eat them? Or touch them?

Jaz couldn't imagine giving all that to Ren in a single gesture, and she had the impression he didn't think it would take very long.

She shook her head at him, understanding that he likely thought she was overreacting.

Jaz made a small circle with the stick and the sap, gently in Ren's direction.

"They're very long stories," Jaz said with a small smile his direction. "And apparently, the homesickness is hitting."

She was still touch-starved. As a way to camouflage, even. Not that she had any willing participants nearby.

Jaz thought about how she had touched the tree, looking up at its canopy again.

"You really are beautiful," she said aloud for Ren's benefit.

Jaz closed her eyes, trying to re-presence herself to the moment. She [i]knew[/i] there was pleasure to find here, too.

She did enjoy thinking about her own wafers, the ones her people made. A smile came to her face as she remembered that, but there was more than that, too.

The smell of the sap in the air. The sound of the water. The way Ren was breathing with anticipation near her. They were on their way to visit another person who lived like Ren, only more remote. What would she be like?

Jaz thought briefly about Monica and smiled again. [i]Maybe someone like that[/i], Jaz thought pleasantly. But why would they be living alone, then?

Her eyes flicked open to Ren, taking in his expression. She closed her eyes again, wondering if she could send him a memory--just one--from a distance.

Surely, he had opted into that much, right?

Just a flicker, a flash. [i]Black, curling flowers, their leafing tendrils densely interlaced in soft bushels. Gentle burrs that caught in your hair.[/i] Jaz shivered not unpleasantly, opening her eyes to sense if Ren caught any of that.

Jaz flinched and blinked away, biting her lip. Ren furrowed his brow, withdrawing his hand somewhat awkwardly, though he remained crouched by Jaz, eyes studying her expression. Had he offended her somehow? She giggled, but it was quick and choked, her eyes welling with tears as she sloughed fully down onto her knees, eyes lowering to the ground. Ah, a bad memory, perhaps. Ren averted his gaze and shifted his weight, offering Jaz just a bit more space as he sat down at a small angle away, with that much more breathing room between them.

She lifted her gaze to him after a short moment, though, shaking her head at him a little and then circling her stick in the air toward him.

"They're very long stories," Jaz said with a small smile. "And apparently, the homesickness is hitting."

He offered her a sympathetic smile and gentle nod, though he wasn't sure that she caught it before she shifted her gaze back up to the tree. "You really are beautiful," she said to it. Ren followed her gaze up into its branches, the patterns of its needles, the texture of its bark.

When he returned his gaze to Jaz, her eyes were closed, her expression thoughtful. She opened her eyes briefly to look at him, and he blinked at her with patient curiosity. She closed her eyes again, then, her expression growing more concentrated. Somehow, he got a bad feeling about that--or, about something. He frowned and shifted back up into a crouch with one hand on his knife, eyes darting to check their surroundings, spot for movement that maybe his peripheral vision had only just caught enough of to raise an alarm about.

But, all he ultimately spotted was a squirrel scuttering up a tree a little ways away; an insect flying by; a bird minding its own business as it perused the topsoil for grub. Still, Ren was too piqued now to exhale, and he looked toward Jaz, his next instinct to bring a finger to his lips to encourage her to be quiet--but, before his hand moved, something about the notes of interest in her expression landed a realization in his gut like a knife, and his own expression darkened.

"What did you do?"