Written Wonderland

Evan was certainly glad to hear Xavier say he thought he was okay, but the captain held on to most of his worry, still bracing for some 'but...' or another to follow the boy's reply. It wasn't until the lieutenant turned up a grin that Evan started to relax his expression, which slowly but steadily turned up into a bright, warm smile over the course of the boy talking. Evan deeply appreciated Xavier's assurances that he had started things, that he had wanted everything. Desperately, even. Ughhh fuck yes. Evan's bulge swelled again, this time without any repercussions, which gave him a particularly odd feeling of relief. Though, certainly nothing that could overpower the want that still very much hung about him.

He did grow slightly nervous again when Xavier did in fact insert a 'but...', but honestly, the things that followed just warmed Evan more, and turned his own grin something more embarrassed and mischievous itself.

"Xavier, I don't think I'm capable of only doing this once with you."

Course, a pang of fear followed immediately after he said that - what if Xavier only wanted it to happen once? But, no, that was exactly the opposite of what he'd just said, right? Or had Evan just heard what he'd wanted to hear? Fuck, he could imagine having heard just about anything just now, which was maddening as shit. Anxiety echoed his heartbeat loudly in his hears, threatening to make the captain want to just curl up into a ball and stop existing.

But Evan managed to roll his eyes at himself, and pull up memories of Xavier's body language since the captain had entered his tent. The boy had been shy, hopeful, bashful, intrigued, desirous, and extremely receptive, all in moments when more confident parts of Evan were pretty sure the goddess at least hadn't been in complete control. Besides, he reiterated, Xavier had just fucking said that he'd wanted this, desperately. What the actual fuck, anxiety?

The captain finally regathered himself, and shifted forward onto his knees again, once more reaching out for Xavier's cheeks and pulling the boy into a warm kiss, even if it meant being pretty fucking bold about moving the boy's arm aside and nudging his face up to do it.

Xavier lifted his head up when Evan said his name and let Evan's words spill over him. First, the feeling of relief as Xavier realized that, even if they hadn't had a chance to talk about it before things between them had gone further, it wouldn't have just been the one time. Second, a feeling of amusement as Xavier wondered exactly why Evan was not "capable" of letting it only happen once. Xavier suspected it wasn't out of a general sentimentality and certainly not prudishness... it could be a sentimentality for him, or maybe Evan was just that terrible at controlling himself. But, given how long Evan said he had wanted this, Xavier didn't totally think that was the case either. 

Fine, then. Xavier's brain was forced to conclude that Evan genuinely wanted this, wanted Xavier specifically, and that was when Evan gathered himself and pulled Xavier once more into a kiss. It was at that moment, as their lips touched again, that Xavier realized that, underneath the arousal and playfulness and excitement, some part of Xavier, and perhaps specifically Xavier's body, had been terrified of having the goddess inside him. The loss of agency and being forced to do the things that she had made him do, even if he did want them, was horrifying, which Xavier could finally admit to himself now that the situation had passed. 

As Evan continued to kiss him, Xavier's hands clutched at Evan's shirt, at his back, pulling him closer, pulling any ounce of comfort he could manage from Evan's body as Xavier held him tighter and closer and attempted to prevent himself from crying. When Xavier finally pulled away, a tear or two had escaped his eyes, but he reached up to ruffle his hair such that he shook them off his cheeks. 

"Gods... she really is kind of terrifying. I can understand why the soldiers..." Xavier trailed off and looked to where he had thrown his charm across the tent. He wanted to put it back on--that was the one his grandfather had made for him after all--but he was scared of the repercussions, at least at present. 

"But, hey," Xavier said, playfully punching Evan in the chest, "you made it back. And she certainly doesn't seem at risk of growing bored of you." 

At first, Evan was gratified by the way Xavier clutched at him. The captain felt not just welcomed, but clung to in a way that warmed his chest immensely. But then, it registered that the boy didn't seem totally... happy, for lack of a better word. Evan moved to pull away from the kiss about the same time it seemed Xavier was ready to, and he could swear he caught sight of a tear on the boy's cheek before he shook it off.

...And then on top of it the boy immediately called the goddess 'terrifying'.

Anger clutched once more at Evan's chest, his eyes narrowing in frustration. The goddess was not going to get a pleasant version of him tonight. Perhaps that's what she wanted though? Ughhhh he was so fucking livid.

Xavier pulled Evan's attention back to him with that playful punch and lighthearted segue. The boy was clearly trying to lighten the mood, and Evan wasn't inclined to fight him on that.

"Heh, yeah." the captain replied with a shrug and a bit of an air of smugness once he was able to let his expression relax again. It was kind of put on, but then again, the internal feelings actually did a decent job of following. Much as he was irritated at the moment, it wasn't like smugness about the situation was ever that far away.

Smugness didn't stay at the surface long, though, as Evan tried to think of where he wanted to go from here. Parts of him wanted to stop talking about the goddess altogether and just get the fuck on with interacting with Xavier already, but parts of him... couldn't, not with the image of that tear bubbling back up.

"Xavier..." Evan kept on a soft smile, but his tone was definitely a bit somber, and his brow a bit worried. "Are you really okay?"

Suddenly a part of Evan really wanted to know more about Trevor's experience, especially how he was faring now that he was awake. Hell, a part of him even wanted to pester Seth about how he was doing, even if he was sure the soldier would rather not talk about it. All, if he was being completely honest, mostly because now that data was potentially relevant to how Xavier was currently faring, which made it all profoundly more pressing to know. Not that Evan wanted to leave Xavier to have those particular conversations right now, though. So maybe those thoughts were a bit moot, anyway.

"I--" the captain realized he wouldn't believe Xavier if the boy just insisted on 'yes' again, so he wanted to go head and say something else to cut off that possibility, but the words stuck in his throat a bit. He sighed, and slid a hand warmly against the back of Xavier's neck and squeezed lightly, his expression and countenance inviting the boy to look him in the eye, and really take in the earnestness of his expression.

"I may have interacted with the goddess, but I haven't... she didn't ever inhabit my body like that." Though... he supposed, at some point, she would, if he was understanding the trip to the Underworld correctly. Evan suppressed a slight shiver as he continued, "If you need anything, I need you to tell me."

Some part of him crudely joked that he hoped Xavier just needed a good fuck, but then he instantly felt ashamed of the thought. Yeah, his body was fucking bursting with arousal, but he could bear it, especially now that the lightning band wasn't constantly fucking bringing attention back to it every other goddamn second. Evan genuinely didn't want to fuck this up with Xavier, and if getting further right now meant ignoring the boy's current state... Evan just couldn't stomach the thought.

Xavier was pleased that Evan returned to his smug, prideful self and was gratified that it was in response to Xavier's own comment. But then Evan's expression shifted again, and Xavier began to become embarrassed about his open display of fear--not to mention clutching at Evan nearly uncontrollably. Xavier was about to confirm with a resounding "yes" after Evan's first question, but he held off as Evan kept talking. The way Evan looked at him made a really, really convincing argument that Evan actually did care for him, and Xavier blushed even more deeply as Evan's hand squeezed the back of his neck. He wanted to give into that sensation, to be beyond words and only exist in movement with Evan, but he needed to return and address Evan's fears. And before that, he wanted to fully take stock of himself. 

"I just... I wouldn't have reached into your pants like that if I had been fully in control. But, gods, agency-stealing aside, it was intense to experience what she experiences. She can feel what happens to you. Maybe all the men she interacts with. It seems to affect her as much as it affects you, if not more. And that was intoxicating, spinning around in not only her desire but also yours, and then there was my own..." At this, Xavier reached one hand to the side of Evan's neck before his brain had a chance to parse through the action. Thankfully, he felt that, this time at least, it was a motion that his own subconscious made him do rather than as the result of any outside force. 

"She flooded my body with sensation, and on top of how much I already... it was so difficult to fight her, but I did. I managed it. The shock really, uh, made a difference." Xavier cracked a smile and pulled his hand back to make a somewhat crude gesture with the index finger on his right hand while he pretended to snap an invisible band with his left. Some subtle aftershocks hit his body as he felt the vibrations move downward. Whoa, even imagining it again was potent.

Gods did that ever bring back his attention to the parts of himself that were paying particular mind to the closeness of Evan's body, the way Evan's expression and tone so clearly illustrated care, the feel of Evan's hand against Xavier's neck... But how was he to ask for what he wanted? Did he even know what he wanted? Would he regret delaying matters with Evan? Was it ridiculous to wait longer than they already had? Didn't he want to resolve the tension that Evan still no doubt felt about the situation? 

"Really, though, I'm okay now. I think she was telling the truth about not causing damage. I just... There's just... Evan, I still really want you." Xavier chuckled a little through the last part. "But I also don't know how I want you just yet."

But then Xavier's smile turned toward mischievous again through his blush as he said, "Well, I suppose there is something I do know I want..." Xavier's hands inched down toward Evan's unbuttoned pants and playfully pushed down on them, first on one side and then the other so that more of Evan's hips were exposed. Xavier loved the feeling of his skin on Evan's skin. If Evan would move enough to allow it, Xavier planned to slowly slide Evan's pants off his body and, once off, kiss up the inside of one of Evan's legs, starting from the ankle and slowly, agonizingly moving up to just below where Evan's underwear touched his thigh. Once there, he let the kiss rest for a few extra moments longer than the rest to build up anticipation before pulled his head up, looking at Evan directly, and saying, "I don't think I want sex yet. Well, I mean I want it, but I want to think things over a little more. It's really difficult to prevent myself from getting swept up in the excitement of it. But... I don't want to stop what we're doing right now. Not yet. Not... just... yet." Xavier moved between Evan's legs and placed three additional kisses on Evan's neck in the pause after each of the three words he said last and pulled away to look at Evan's reaction, hoping he hadn't spoiled the moment. 

Evan was glad when Xavier started talking again, though it pretty immediately painted another shade of blush on his face as the boy mentioned reaching into Evan's pants. Yeah, that... Evan certainly would have been surprised if Xavier had done that on his own. But then the boy went and described feeling what the goddess felt, which apparently mirrored if not amplified what Evan was feeling, which... uh, yeah, intoxicating sounded like a good word for it, all right. Evan thought back to moments with the goddess when he might've caught glimpses of that reflection - the obvious choice to wear her own lightning band to mirror his; electricity that lit up his nerves with moments he'd imagined the goddess enjoying; swirls of desire circulating between them when Evan finally penetrated her; and he was sure that was just the surface.

He might've gotten a bit lost reliving those moments, but Xavier's hand against his neck brought him very much back into the present, into his own body, and fucking loving that touch. He was just a tad disappointed when Xavier pulled away from that pretty soon after initiating it, but the smile Xavier cracked and the way he used his hands to gesture quickly filled Evan with amusement, albeit also a rather powerful shudder as his body fairly viscerally remembered the sensation being referenced. It looked like Xavier might've felt a bit of that too, the thought of which sent a couple more residual shivers down Evan's spine.

Focus...

Some deeply mixed feelings twisted around inside of Evan when Xavier said he wanted Evan but he didn't know how. Evan appreciated the validity of the sentiment - and even appreciated that just reiterating that Xavier wanted him in some sense was certainly deeply gratifying - but Evan was nervous as fuck that he'd overstep nebulous bounds. Honestly, it wouldn't be the first time, and fuuuuuuck did he ever not want to revisit those particular emotions right now.

But then Xavier kept talking... and moved his hands towards Evan's pants. The captain's heartbeat started echoing in his ears again, his breath growing shallower as Xavier started to press the fabric downwards. Some part of him was starting to panic - was this really okay? Was Xavier sure he wanted this? Was Evan somehow coercing it? But the boy really did seem to want Evan's pants off, and fuck if Evan was going to fight to keep them on. He moved off of his knees and leaned back on his arms slightly so he could unfurl his legs, to allow Xavier to go about his motions pulling Evan's pants off, though some part of Evan felt deeply nervous and embarrassed about being this compliant. He wasn't particularly used to being acted upon without going through quite a bit of sparring, for lack of a better word, first. He really fucking couldn't complain about Xavier kissing slowly up his leg, though. By the time the boy got up to his thigh Evan was nearly fucking breathless, his face absolutely covered in blush.

He tried his damnedest to earnestly parse Xavier's words, though it was kind of difficult as fuck at the moment. No sex... something about getting too swept up in excitement... but Xavier didn't want to stop. Evan nodded, and then shuddered and moaned as his legs parted for Xavier, and the boy kissed his neck between those last words, whatever the fuck they were. He took a few heavy, shaky breaths before realizing that Xavier was looking at him, and probably done talking. Right, uhh, Evan should probably respond in some way other than breathing and blushing. The captain scrambled to get the verbal parts of his brain back online, and bought himself a little bit of time while that was going on by turning up a warm smile and reaching out to run his fingers back through the boy's hair.

"Okay," he finally said, his voice a bit wispy as his breath was still fairly off-kilter. "I don't want to stop, either."

Evan paused just briefly, enough to watch his fingers trail down from Xavier's hair, over the side of the boy's neck, and finally tuck themselves into the collar of the boy's shirt over his chest.

"I'll try to go slow," he continued hesitantly, and then pulled his eyes back up from his fingers to meet Xavier's gaze again, "Just... don't let me push past what you actually want."

That said, Evan's fingers tugged at Xavier's shirt, aiming to pull the boy into another kiss, if he was amenable. Given the current context, though, Evan certainly wouldn't tug very hard if Xavier provided resistance, though he had yet to formulate any particular plans of action if kissing was not a thing Xavier wanted to do next. He supposed it was fine to let the boy lead, though, all things considered... so perhaps not immediately having a back-up plan was fine, too.

Evan's airy words pleased Xavier deeply. He was ecstatic that Evan enjoyed the thing Xavier had genuinely wanted to do most. He'd been thinking about it ever since the negotiation, and it was incredibly gratifying to now have a memory of it in actuality. And, it wasn't as though the kisses hadn't also affected Xavier. He was nearly dizzy with pleasure, especially as the tops of Evan's fingers brushed Xavier's skin underneath his shirt, but he took in Evan's words and was immensely grateful. 

"I won't," Xavier managed to say before Evan leaned in again to kiss him. Gods, he might never get tired of this. He was kissing his captain; no, he was kissing Evan. The raw Evan, the real Evan. Right here in Xavier's own tent. He still couldn't believe it, and if the goddess had to be involved to make this a reality, then Xavier was tempted to say it was all worth it, at least if he only counted his own experience with the goddess. Xavier gently bit Evan's lower lip, enjoying the sensation of having Evan's skin between his teeth, and remembering the deep bite Evan had given the goddess, Xavier leaned a little further into the bite and grew bolder with the kiss. As if his body had just remembered again that it was impossibly and to some degree supernaturally aroused, Xavier bit and kissed Evan passionately, his body moving to the rhythm of Evan's shallow breathing and Evan's heartbeat, which Xavier could feel each time he pressed against Evan's lips. 

Dizzying as that was, though, Xavier pulled out of the kiss to give himself a moment to breathe. Did Xavier know what would overstep his boundaries? Surely Xavier would know it when he felt it, right? Although, the incident with the goddess made him less sure of that. It didn't really seem like Xavier had much of a problem with the goddess' presence until she was gone. 

Well, I'll keep Evan's underwear on, then, one voice in Xavier's head decided, much to the chagrin of the part of him that was already fantasizing about what Evan looked like without his clothes on. Fine, that other voice replied, then we're taking off our shirt. It was seconds later before Xavier whipped his shirt off and practically tackled Evan to the ground with the force of returning to the kiss. Hoping to surprise Evan at least a little, Xavier straddled Evan's lower stomach and leaned in, enjoying the feeling of Evan's chest against his. Xavier was a flurry of intensity, first kissing Evan's lips before moving down Evan's neck, down across one side of his collarbone and around the far side of Evan's nipple towards Evan's side. There, just underneath his armpit, Xavier nipped at Evan once before sinking his teeth in more deeply, still not very hard, but enough to elicit a response. 

And suddenly, Xavier wanted Evan's shirt off, too, badly, but his fingers only managed to pull at the edges of it as though the rest of him had forgotten how to get it off, and Xavier hoped that, as he returned to Evan's lips, Evan would take the hint.

Gods, Evan loved that kiss. He relished how much the boy leaned into it, moved passionately through it, involved his teeth - and boldly so. Evan moaned in gratification and trailed his hand from Xavier's shirt back up into the boy's hair by his ear, subtly doing his part to keep the boy pulled close.

As soon as he felt Xavier starting to pull out of the kiss, though, he relaxed his hand to let the boy pull back without resistance, much as Evan didn't want to end that glorious as fuck kiss just yet. He watched Xavier's expression carefully, vigilant for any signs he wasn't okay. The boy did seem contemplative for a moment, but then promptly pulled off his shirt and practically tackled his way back into the kiss, which sent a fresh wave of warmth and excitement through Evan's chest as his back hit the ground. He let his hands trail overthe tops of Xavier's thighs to his hips, and then slowly up the boy's back as Xavier trailed kisses down Evan's neck and over his chest. The captain let out a soft, surprised gasp when the boy nipped at his side, followed by a brief groan interrupted by a single, breathy chuckle as Evan's body shifted instinctively when the boy bit down harder. The combination of the light pain with a brief tickle was... a touch embarrassing, but also fun. He might've tried to get Xavier back in some way, but before he thought of any particular action to take, the boy's lips were pressed against his again, and just like that, all of his consciousness was consumed with simply enjoying kissing Xavier once more.

Some background process was running that had noted Xavier tugging at Evan's shirt, though, and after a moment it was able to send its conclusion to the rest of Evan's brain. The captain deftly moved to roll Xavier over onto his back again, fully intending on keeping the kiss connected throughout the process. He hoped this was still in line with what the boy was comfortable with... To potentially reassure him, Evan leaned back once they were settled in the new position, pulling his hands away from where they'd landed on the ground by Xavier's shoulders in order to reach back and tug off his shirt and cast it aside. He then tossed a warm smile to the boy, and, assuming no signs of discomfort, Evan would eagerly lean back down and press their chests together, this time placing kisses on the side of Xavier's neck by his jaw. If there was any sign of discomfort, though, Evan would pause instead, leaving plenty of space for Xavier to breathe and shift positions, or even push Evan back down if that's what he preferred.

Xavier would have gasped as Evan rolled Xavier back onto his back, but there was no way he was going to break out of the kiss as the two of them wrestled on the floor of Xavier's tent. Good gods, this felt good. Xavier wondered why he hadn't attempted to do something with Evan sooner, which brought up the rank thing again, but Xavier quickly pushed that line of thought back down. He didn't want, and really didn't need, to let himself think about it right now. Xavier was positive that, if there was going to be stickiness about that afterward, Evan and Xavier would problem solve it together, especially because Xavier was clinging to the belief that this wasn't going to be the only time. 

So, then, back to the matter at hand. Xavier stared longingly at Evan with his shirt off, certain he had seen him without one before during training or maybe when he went for a run, but certainly not while Evan was down to only underwear. Xavier's eyes followed the movements of Evan's dragon as his hips shifted, and Xavier's eyes nearly rolled back into his head with delight imagining Evan dancing with that tattoo, perhaps dancing on Xavier even. Xavier's pants were growing exceptionally tight, and it wasn't helping that Evan was now on top of him. He did feel a little afraid but an image of Evan's face when he realized the goddess had taken over Xavier's body came to mind, and it comforted Xavier. If Evan was that protective of Xavier then, there was no reason for Evan to hurt Xavier now. 

Xavier's face softened with desire then as he reached one hand out to grasp above one of Evan's hips. With the other hand, Xavier traced part of Evan's dragon tail, following it all the way down to where the tail entered his underwear, and then, after a pause, pulling Evan's underwear down momentarily to follow it the rest of the way down before letting go and allowing the fabric to settle back into its original place. 

He yearned to have his fingers in Evan's hair but Evan was too far away, at least until Evan leaned in and pressed their warm, heavily breathing chests together. Xavier's hips pressed into Evan firmly, released, and pressed up again as Evan's kisses elicited a lengthy moan from Xavier's lips. Reaching fingers through Evan's hair--gods, could it get any more disheveled?-- Xavier pulled Evan closer into him, wanting all Evan's body weight and warmth and wantonness pressed firmly against him. Xavier gathered Evan in with his legs as they encircled Evan, full of Xavier's desire and exceptionally reluctant to let Evan go.  

Evan moaned against the boy's neck as he felt Xavier's hips moving beneath him. Ugh, fuck it'd feel so fucking good to penetrate Xavier, feel the boy's movements from inside of him ... Evan tried to shift the energy that wanted to go that direction into his lips against Xavier's neck instead. He ticked up intensity there, starting to lace bites and licks among the kisses, and occasionally grabbing a larger patch of skin into his mouth to suck on. If Xavier seemed to be responding positively, he'd happily tick up the intensity of the bites, but he did his best to reign anything in that the boy sounded anything less than completely and totally thrilled with. Evan supposed he was having to trust his instincts pretty intensely here, but as long as he kept focused, he felt fairly confident that he could read Xavier well.

That keeping focused part, though...

Evan groaned loudly when Xavier wrapped his legs around him, and he couldn't stop his hips from making a thrusting motion, a large part of Evan wishing like hell that his cock and Xavier's body didn't have 3 layers of fabric still separating them. Before he'd quite regathered himself, his hand was already reaching between them to tug at Xavier's belt.

Evan stopped the motion at just a tug, though, and breathed a shaky sigh by Xavier's neck as he stiffened his body to make sure that no more motions took place without more mindfulness around them. Without expressing the flood of desire he felt through his body, though, it went and commandeered his speech for a moment to whisper in Xavier's ear.

"Gods, I want you so badly..."

Evan narrowed his eyes at the ground after he'd said it, though, worried that Xavier would feel pressured by it. That wasn't... well, it might admittedly have been the intention of the part of him that had chosen to say it, which he felt real fuckin guilty about. He sighed again, and forced his hand to leave Xavier's pants alone, and instead trail up the boy's side, over his chest, along his collar bone, up his neck, and finally into his hair. There, now, see? This was also fucking delicious, no dick need be penetrating anything. Having regathered focus, Evan nipped lightly at Xavier's earlobe, and then trailed kisses down the side of his neck to his collar bone, while the fingers in Xavier's hair slowly and gently started to grab at roots, aiming to experiment with different strengths of tugging to see what the boy responded well to. Here was fucking hoping that he'd respond well to any of it, really, and not just get hung up on Evan's whisper. Some part of Evan grimly expected the boy to, but he tried to leave space for Xavier to have successfully moved on, since Evan himself hadn't lingered there. Still, if the boy did seem stuck, Evan was ready to pull back and check in again. But, gods, it'd be nice if instead Xavier just happily melted under the kisses on his skin and the light tugs in his hair. That was certainly the outcome Evan was hoping for.

((OOC: But, as ever, Emily is not attached to any particular outcome, so plz continue to have Xavier respond totally authentically <3 ^_^ ))

Xavier could feel the ways Evan's body was getting worked up, and it wasn't just the increased intensity of Evan's bites. The feeling of Evan's tongue against his skin, though, made part of Xavier's mind beg to just give in to all this already. And it was terribly convincing as Evan bit down yet again, hard enough that Xavier winced but not hard enough to cause any damage. And, even though it hurt, it felt good, which confused Xavier in its own way. But, none of Evan's bites went beyond that afterward, and Xavier sank back down into internally fighting with himself about how far he wanted to go with Evan. 

Through the clothing he was wearing and the underwear Evan had, Xavier swore he could feel the hardness of Evan's cock push up against him while Xavier's legs were around Evan, and Xavier swelled with desire and longing, aching for more. Some part of his brain was screaming for it, but Xavier kept it under control, barely. He really did want to come out of this situation confident that he had only done what he wanted to do, but all that was starting to get really hazy. Didn't he trust Evan? Didn't he believe him when he said this wouldn't be the end either way? The more rational part of him determined that he wanted Evan to respect him and know that Xavier could hold to his word. But gods if it wasn't everything Xavier wanted to be pushed right up to the edge of his boundaries, whatever those were. Ughhhhhh. 

And then Evan tugged at Xavier's belt. Holy hell, being even slightly lifted up from the back made Xavier shake with anticipation. He also momentarily grew afraid--would he need to tell Evan to stop at some point? What would that point be?--but Evan didn't do anything more than that, and Xavier settled back into enjoying the sensations, moving his hips from side to side slightly so Evan could feel himself press against Xavier's body. 

And then Evan whispered in Xavier's ear, and it felt as though Evan's body was pulling Xavier in, and Xavier wanted so badly to give into the hunger inherent in Evan's tone. The warm breath of his words was persuasive as hell. 

"Evan, I--" Xavier started to say, but then Evan's hands moved up his side all the way up into his hair, and Xavier shuddered with immense pleasure and pushed himself into Evan several times more. His collarbone was keyed up and sensitive as Evan's lips traversed it, and Xavier could not help but pull at Evan's hair and thrust again as his whole body reacted. And then Evan pulled at Xavier's hair, lightly at first but with growing intensity, each tug a desperate plea to just give in, just... give... in to all this already. 

"Evan, I--" Xavier tried again, but the words caught in his throat. He had no idea which part of him was about to say things, and he had no idea what either part even planned to say, and going in blind felt risky. But... surely he could go just one step more without any consequences? Finally, Xavier gave up speaking altogether and unlatched his belt, leaving it there for Evan to take it further if he so desired and poised to stop Evan if he went farther than Xavier knew he wanted. 

((OOC: So, Xavier would be fine with Evan taking off his pants and touching Xavier over his underwear in whatever way but would say something if Evan reached into his underwear. Meta-Evan/Emily can use that information as desired, and meta-Xavier consents to being made uncomfortable in whatever way is fun.))