Despite the confidence in his decision to go to the goddess, Ramanujan felt a deep, sinking feeling in his stomach when Captain Brede wished him well. It wasn't until that moment that he realized that he wanted Ashleigh to talk him out of it, to ask him to stay, to give him any glimmer of hope that a relationship between the two of them might work, and that was foolish of him. He hadn't given himself license to hope, and yet here it was, plain as day in the pain in his body.
"I..."Ramanujan started to say, tears welling up in his eyes. It was a dismissal, there was nothing more to say, and yet...
"I..." His voice cracked a little, and he shook his head. This was ridiculous. The right thing to do was to leave the tent, leave the tent and go to the goddess both for himself and the cause. That was logical; that was pertinent. And yet...
Ramanujan made some non-committal sound in his throat and then finally bowed toward his captain.
"Let me know where I should be at sundown," he said and turned around to walk out.
Ashleigh & Ramanujan
Re: Ashleigh & Ramanujan
Ashleigh's smile faded, her eyes widening softly when Ramanujan stuttered. She was surprised again, but then chided herself that, once more, perhaps she shouldn't have been. Hadn't she just been thinking about trying to talk him out of it, and, wasn't it feasible that he'd hoped she would? She felt a strong tug in her chest, urging her to give him what he wanted, to tell him he didn't have to go--shouldn't, even. That she wanted him to stay, so they could have those conversations.
But she willed herself to remain still against that tug, purposefully lax as she forced herself to wonder who would go in his stead, and whether it would in fact compromise her as a captain if she bid a soldier to act in such a manner. Perhaps that was a callous way to think, but when she got down to it... if Ramanujan needed her to keep him here, then he shouldn't stay, even if it pained him to go.
The soldier bowed just as Ashleigh felt that tug loosening, and she nodded to him as he took his leave. A sorrow flowed into her, and perhaps a twinge of guilt, but she swallowed down doubt, and assured herself that she had acted in integrity, and Ramanujan would ultimately choose his own fate.
But she willed herself to remain still against that tug, purposefully lax as she forced herself to wonder who would go in his stead, and whether it would in fact compromise her as a captain if she bid a soldier to act in such a manner. Perhaps that was a callous way to think, but when she got down to it... if Ramanujan needed her to keep him here, then he shouldn't stay, even if it pained him to go.
The soldier bowed just as Ashleigh felt that tug loosening, and she nodded to him as he took his leave. A sorrow flowed into her, and perhaps a twinge of guilt, but she swallowed down doubt, and assured herself that she had acted in integrity, and Ramanujan would ultimately choose his own fate.