Rav smiled and seemed to laugh a bit as he scratched at his hair, and Nick relaxed, relieved that Rav didn't seem put off by the change in direction.
"Yeah," Rav said as he sat down on the couch and picked up a cucumber. "I wasn't expecting all this."
Nick smiled crookedly as he shuffled around to the other side of the couch. He briefly dithered on how close to Rav to sit, and ultimately ended up sort of between two cushions, his legs gathering up to cross beneath him as he settled in. He grabbed another apple slice, and gave Rav a small shrug as he took a bite. He was bashful for a moment, his eyes on his little spread of snacks, but in the silence he got curious and glanced to Rav, who was taking stock of the space.
Then, all at once Rav turned to face Nick, his stare as intense as ever as he leaned an arm over the couch, getting comfortable. Honestly, Nick very nearly felt invited to cuddle up to him in that position--perhaps if Rav's stare were a little warmer, or perhaps if they had a precedent of cuddling before now. Nick thought of hugging Rav the other day as he swallowed his bite of apple.
"So, your roommate's here, I take it?" Rav asked, nodding in the direction of the far doors. Nick shook his head.
"They're both out. It's kind of a toss-up if they'll spend the night elsewhere or not. Or, maybe even bring someone home. But we've probably got the place to ourselves for a few hours, at least. And we can always head downstairs."
Nick gave Rav a crooked, bashful grin and a small shrug as he popped the rest of his apple slice into his mouth.
Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Rav found himself almost disappointed that Nick did not curl up nearer on the couch, but it made perfect sense. Rav hadn't exactly been welcoming to touch. Not outside of the container of dance, at least.
Nick shook his head in response to Rav's question.
"They're both out. It's kind of a toss-up if they'll spend the night elsewhere or not. Or, maybe even bring someone home. But we've probably got the place to ourselves for a few hours, at least. And we can always head downstairs."
Nick's shy, crooked smile did not help the growing flush on Rav's face, though his own expression didn't change. His jaw flexed slightly as he reminded himself that they still needed to tread carefully here. Rav needed to show Nick that all the therapy and self-work he had done had changed... something meaningful. And Rav needed to prove to himself that he was more than capable of control himself and his desires.
Nick shrugged and popped the remnants of his apple slice into his mouth, and Rav continued staring, his eyes finally softening with longing. He picked up his own apple slice after a moment, trying to cover for the lapse.
He wanted to ask a stupid question like So, your bedroom's downstairs? but then he thought he really would sound like a rapist. Rav resisted the urge to rub his face--it was going to be a long evening.
"I see," Rav finally said, deciding that was harmless enough. Nick had chosen to have Rav here without anyone else around, which meant Nick felt comfortable with that decision. Or he had, when he made it. But then, there was still a tension in the air that Rav desperately wanted to dissipate. He crooked a grin at Nick after contemplating his apple slice and said, quietly, liltingly, "Risky." He hoped his delivery was playful enough to acknowledge the elephant in the room and dance around the desire Rav did genuinely feel--more with each passing moment. He was doing well, though, breathing through it and not shutting down. Maybe he would be okay. Maybe he had gotten better.
Nick shook his head in response to Rav's question.
"They're both out. It's kind of a toss-up if they'll spend the night elsewhere or not. Or, maybe even bring someone home. But we've probably got the place to ourselves for a few hours, at least. And we can always head downstairs."
Nick's shy, crooked smile did not help the growing flush on Rav's face, though his own expression didn't change. His jaw flexed slightly as he reminded himself that they still needed to tread carefully here. Rav needed to show Nick that all the therapy and self-work he had done had changed... something meaningful. And Rav needed to prove to himself that he was more than capable of control himself and his desires.
Nick shrugged and popped the remnants of his apple slice into his mouth, and Rav continued staring, his eyes finally softening with longing. He picked up his own apple slice after a moment, trying to cover for the lapse.
He wanted to ask a stupid question like So, your bedroom's downstairs? but then he thought he really would sound like a rapist. Rav resisted the urge to rub his face--it was going to be a long evening.
"I see," Rav finally said, deciding that was harmless enough. Nick had chosen to have Rav here without anyone else around, which meant Nick felt comfortable with that decision. Or he had, when he made it. But then, there was still a tension in the air that Rav desperately wanted to dissipate. He crooked a grin at Nick after contemplating his apple slice and said, quietly, liltingly, "Risky." He hoped his delivery was playful enough to acknowledge the elephant in the room and dance around the desire Rav did genuinely feel--more with each passing moment. He was doing well, though, breathing through it and not shutting down. Maybe he would be okay. Maybe he had gotten better.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Rav was quiet for a long moment, and Nick chewed his apple slice slowly, relishing the refreshing sweetness--and resisting the urge to say something to fill the space.
"I see," Rav finally said, and Nick swallowed, returning his gaze to the man beside him on the couch. Suddenly it felt like a jolt of static sparked through the small distance between them, and Nick stiffened, though his sheepish smile held fast. Rav contemplated his own apple slice, and said quietly, liltingly... "Risky."
Thrill danced through Nick's gut, and he imagined that might well be a sound clip he'd come to revisit fondly. He swallowed again, shifting in his seat to curl his knees off to one side as he pivoted to face Rav a little more directly. He studied the man's face, his own face likely a little flushed. It looked like maybe Rav's was, too. Nick couldn't help wondering what specific risks the man was contemplating, though shame scratched at his edges a little. Rav was being playful, Nick was reasonably certain, but it still seemed in bad taste to fantasize about whatever Rav may have done in the past. Nick narrowed his eyes thoughtfully, and then finally built up the courage to ask a serious question.
"Are there... any specific boundaries we should go ahead and talk about? Or just like... edges that would be good to map out?"
He felt his face grow hot as thoughts spilled in of edges he himself might in fact enjoy exploring with Rav tonight, but that didn't seem like the thing to lead with, here. His fingers fidgeted with each other in his lap to vent a little bit of that energy as he left space for Rav to respond.
"I see," Rav finally said, and Nick swallowed, returning his gaze to the man beside him on the couch. Suddenly it felt like a jolt of static sparked through the small distance between them, and Nick stiffened, though his sheepish smile held fast. Rav contemplated his own apple slice, and said quietly, liltingly... "Risky."
Thrill danced through Nick's gut, and he imagined that might well be a sound clip he'd come to revisit fondly. He swallowed again, shifting in his seat to curl his knees off to one side as he pivoted to face Rav a little more directly. He studied the man's face, his own face likely a little flushed. It looked like maybe Rav's was, too. Nick couldn't help wondering what specific risks the man was contemplating, though shame scratched at his edges a little. Rav was being playful, Nick was reasonably certain, but it still seemed in bad taste to fantasize about whatever Rav may have done in the past. Nick narrowed his eyes thoughtfully, and then finally built up the courage to ask a serious question.
"Are there... any specific boundaries we should go ahead and talk about? Or just like... edges that would be good to map out?"
He felt his face grow hot as thoughts spilled in of edges he himself might in fact enjoy exploring with Rav tonight, but that didn't seem like the thing to lead with, here. His fingers fidgeted with each other in his lap to vent a little bit of that energy as he left space for Rav to respond.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Rav watched Nick swallow as he pivoted to face Rav, pulling his legs up onto the couch simultaneously. Nick studied Rav's expression, and Rav took the rare opportunity to deduce the color of the other man's eyes--a sparkling dark blue. They narrowed delightfully at Rav, and Rav raised his eyebrows, wondering if his playful statement had taken things too far.
"Are there... any specific boundaries we should go ahead and talk about? Or just like... edges that would be good to map out?"
And there, Nick's ability to look him in the eye wavered at last as Nick's attention shifted to his own lap where his fingers idly fidgeted. Rav looked down at himself and took a deep breath, letting it out with a long, sustained sigh. He looked off into the distance at nothing in particular, feeling a shutdown encroaching. His jaw flexed again of its own accord.
Trying to recover, he took another deep breath, held it to remind himself he had self-control, and let it out slowly and quietly.
"Honestly, if it would be all right with you, I'd rather understand what cues you give off when you're uncomfortable. I'm happy to hear if there are things you'd rather have completely off the table, but for myself, I'm working on recognizing nonverbal cues in others and adjusting accordingly." He paused for a moment, a little uncomfortable with how verbose he was being, but this was important.
He lowered his head a little, looking at his own hands. Quietly, he said, "Boundaries and edges can sometimes feel like... cliffs. And I've found it's difficult not to avoid even the mention of heights as a result." He hoped it was a reasonable thing to admit. Maybe that, too, was part of Rav's problem, but if it was, then all the more reason for him to say this to Nick now.
"I get... quiet when I'm upset. I stare off into the distance. I can't seem to get words out of my mouth. My throat... tightens. My body stiffens. They're... subtle cues, and I don't expect you to notice them perfectly every time, but..." Rav hesitated, searching for the words, "... hopefully that gives you an idea of when to check in?" He finally looked at Nick, his eyebrows pulled together in pleading.
"Are there... any specific boundaries we should go ahead and talk about? Or just like... edges that would be good to map out?"
And there, Nick's ability to look him in the eye wavered at last as Nick's attention shifted to his own lap where his fingers idly fidgeted. Rav looked down at himself and took a deep breath, letting it out with a long, sustained sigh. He looked off into the distance at nothing in particular, feeling a shutdown encroaching. His jaw flexed again of its own accord.
Trying to recover, he took another deep breath, held it to remind himself he had self-control, and let it out slowly and quietly.
"Honestly, if it would be all right with you, I'd rather understand what cues you give off when you're uncomfortable. I'm happy to hear if there are things you'd rather have completely off the table, but for myself, I'm working on recognizing nonverbal cues in others and adjusting accordingly." He paused for a moment, a little uncomfortable with how verbose he was being, but this was important.
He lowered his head a little, looking at his own hands. Quietly, he said, "Boundaries and edges can sometimes feel like... cliffs. And I've found it's difficult not to avoid even the mention of heights as a result." He hoped it was a reasonable thing to admit. Maybe that, too, was part of Rav's problem, but if it was, then all the more reason for him to say this to Nick now.
"I get... quiet when I'm upset. I stare off into the distance. I can't seem to get words out of my mouth. My throat... tightens. My body stiffens. They're... subtle cues, and I don't expect you to notice them perfectly every time, but..." Rav hesitated, searching for the words, "... hopefully that gives you an idea of when to check in?" He finally looked at Nick, his eyebrows pulled together in pleading.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Rav drew in a deep breath, and Nick returned his gaze to see the man's jaw clench, his eyes cast off to the side.
"Honestly," Rav said, "if it would be all right with you, I'd rather understand what cues you give off when you're uncomfortable. I'm happy to hear if there are things you'd rather have completely off the table, but for myself, I'm working on recognizing nonverbal cues in others and adjusting accordingly."
Nick nodded, but Rav's gaze just shifted to his lap, not quite returning to face Nick yet. Nick closed his eyes briefly, pulling in to contemplate what cues he did give off when he was uncomfortable, though Rav continued speaking after a moment and Nick returned his attention to listen.
"Boundaries and edges can sometimes feel like... cliffs. And I've found it's difficult not to avoid even the mention of heights as a result." Nick nodded again though Rav still wasn't looking at him. Then, Rav continued further.
"I get... quiet when I'm upset. I stare off into the distance. I can't seem to get words out of my mouth. My throat... tightens. My body stiffens. They're... subtle cues, and I don't expect you to notice them perfectly every time, but..." Rav hesitated, searching for the words, "... hopefully that gives you an idea of when to check in?" He finally looked at Nick, his eyebrows pulled together in pleading, and once more, Nick nodded.
"Honestly, I think I'm similar." He frowned a little, his gaze flinching off to the side as his mind offered some choice memories of discomfort to cross-check. "It definitely gets harder to talk. I think I maybe go limp rather than stiffen... or maybe that part just depends, I'm not sure." He didn't exactly have a clear picture of what he himself really looked like in the moments his mind was supplying. Mostly it just felt a little like he disappeared. One hand absent-mindedly reached up to rub at Nick's chest. He stilled it once he realized, though kept it putting a gentle pressure on his sternum for comfort, and took in a deep breath.
"Sorry to start so heavy..." he said after a moment, a little sheepish. "I guess I just... I mean, I don't want to disregard or make light of what you told me the other day. But I'm not entirely sure of the right way to move forward..." He frowned again, starting to feel anxiety buzz in his stomach. Hadn't he thought all this through earlier in the week? Hadn't he made a plan? Well, maybe he'd honestly only gotten so far as 'check in before dancing', or, maybe he'd had a brilliant script all plotted out that just completely blanked from his mind now that they were actually here. He sighed, and finally just closed his eyes, reminding himself that the most important thing was not to rush.
"If... you're ever not sure about where I'm at," he continued after a moment, eyes still closed, "I do trust myself to give an honest color when asked. Green if I'm enjoying what's happening, yellow if I'm not sure about something." He wanted to say that he would supply red if he needed to, also, but hesitated. When had he actually used red? His cheeks gained some warmth again as he recalled a time that he had. He shook his head a little and opened his eyes to look at his hand in his lap, resolving that even this line of conversation seemed a bit beside the point for where they were at.
"To start, I guess... does it feel safe enough to just stop and check in after each song? And, of course, if either of us goes stiff in the middle of the song... it seems like contact improv is a good thing to be doing to notice something like that. We can stop touching if we're touching, and verbally check in, or give each other time if talking is too hard in the moment."
Nick drew his brows together and shyly raised his eyes to Rav, teeth nibbling on the inside of his lip for a moment before he asked, "Does that seem reasonable?"
"Honestly," Rav said, "if it would be all right with you, I'd rather understand what cues you give off when you're uncomfortable. I'm happy to hear if there are things you'd rather have completely off the table, but for myself, I'm working on recognizing nonverbal cues in others and adjusting accordingly."
Nick nodded, but Rav's gaze just shifted to his lap, not quite returning to face Nick yet. Nick closed his eyes briefly, pulling in to contemplate what cues he did give off when he was uncomfortable, though Rav continued speaking after a moment and Nick returned his attention to listen.
"Boundaries and edges can sometimes feel like... cliffs. And I've found it's difficult not to avoid even the mention of heights as a result." Nick nodded again though Rav still wasn't looking at him. Then, Rav continued further.
"I get... quiet when I'm upset. I stare off into the distance. I can't seem to get words out of my mouth. My throat... tightens. My body stiffens. They're... subtle cues, and I don't expect you to notice them perfectly every time, but..." Rav hesitated, searching for the words, "... hopefully that gives you an idea of when to check in?" He finally looked at Nick, his eyebrows pulled together in pleading, and once more, Nick nodded.
"Honestly, I think I'm similar." He frowned a little, his gaze flinching off to the side as his mind offered some choice memories of discomfort to cross-check. "It definitely gets harder to talk. I think I maybe go limp rather than stiffen... or maybe that part just depends, I'm not sure." He didn't exactly have a clear picture of what he himself really looked like in the moments his mind was supplying. Mostly it just felt a little like he disappeared. One hand absent-mindedly reached up to rub at Nick's chest. He stilled it once he realized, though kept it putting a gentle pressure on his sternum for comfort, and took in a deep breath.
"Sorry to start so heavy..." he said after a moment, a little sheepish. "I guess I just... I mean, I don't want to disregard or make light of what you told me the other day. But I'm not entirely sure of the right way to move forward..." He frowned again, starting to feel anxiety buzz in his stomach. Hadn't he thought all this through earlier in the week? Hadn't he made a plan? Well, maybe he'd honestly only gotten so far as 'check in before dancing', or, maybe he'd had a brilliant script all plotted out that just completely blanked from his mind now that they were actually here. He sighed, and finally just closed his eyes, reminding himself that the most important thing was not to rush.
"If... you're ever not sure about where I'm at," he continued after a moment, eyes still closed, "I do trust myself to give an honest color when asked. Green if I'm enjoying what's happening, yellow if I'm not sure about something." He wanted to say that he would supply red if he needed to, also, but hesitated. When had he actually used red? His cheeks gained some warmth again as he recalled a time that he had. He shook his head a little and opened his eyes to look at his hand in his lap, resolving that even this line of conversation seemed a bit beside the point for where they were at.
"To start, I guess... does it feel safe enough to just stop and check in after each song? And, of course, if either of us goes stiff in the middle of the song... it seems like contact improv is a good thing to be doing to notice something like that. We can stop touching if we're touching, and verbally check in, or give each other time if talking is too hard in the moment."
Nick drew his brows together and shyly raised his eyes to Rav, teeth nibbling on the inside of his lip for a moment before he asked, "Does that seem reasonable?"
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Nick nodded quickly, which relieved a large degree of the tension Rav felt in his body. He found it easier to turn toward Nick, gaze softening.
"Honestly, I think I'm similar," Nick said, frowning a little, his eyes momentarily distant. "It definitely gets harder to talk. I think I maybe go limp rather than stiffen... or maybe that part just depends, I'm not sure." Hmm... that would be complicated for Rav to intuit, if two opposite reactions could both mean discomfort. Rav pulled his eyebrows together in thought and concern.
Nick soon snapped Rav out of it, however. "Sorry to start so heavy," Nick said, and Rav had to stifle a laugh. Nick thought he was the one being heavy? As though knowing what Rav was thinking, Nick continued. "I guess I just... I mean, I don't want to disregard or make light of what you told me the other day. But I'm not entirely sure of the right way to move forward..." That, at least, made more sense, and Rav's face fell into neutrality as he retreated inwardly, looking down toward his lap. Perhaps this had been a mistake. They would probably never overcome the shadow Rav had cast over their interaction even before it had really begun.
Rav heard Nick sigh and cautiously turned his attention back to Nick.
"If... you're ever not sure about where I'm at," Nick said with his eyes closed, "I do trust myself to give an honest color when asked. Green if I'm enjoying what's happening, yellow if I'm not sure about something." Rav nodded. The spotlight system was something Hannah had taught him, and it seemed pretty standard among people who were interested in kink, not that Rav had ever really had the pleasure of heading that direction. But Nick's familiarity with it caused Rav to raise his eyebrows. Was Nick into kink? Rav's lips flirted with a smile at the thought.
But, something in the back of his mind also nagged at him. Nick hadn't said anything about red.
Nick shook his head and opened his eyes to stare at his own lap.
"To start, I guess... does it feel safe enough to just stop and check in after each song? And, of course, if either of us goes stiff in the middle of the song... it seems like contact improv is a good thing to be doing to notice something like that. We can stop touching if we're touching, and verbally check in, or give each other time if talking is too hard in the moment."
Finally, Nick looked back at Rav with his own brows pulled together, one side of his cheek pulled in slightly as if he was biting the inside of it. Releasing, Nick asked, "Does that seem reasonable?"
Rav was quiet for longer than he thought was likely comfortable for Nick, though he found it in himself to nod, reminding himself that Nick's earlier nod had given Rav a lot of relief. But he wasn't looking at Nick. Rav still wasn't sure any of this was a good idea.
Unsure what to do with the pent-up energy in his body, Rav stood and started pacing, feeling uncomfortable with the closed door again. He made it across the room and halfway back again before he said anything.
"Can we just... Do you... Is there music? I'd like to just spend some time with my own body for a few minutes if that's all right." After speaking, Rav's jaw clenched as he realized that, if it wasn't all right with Nick, Rav would need to leave. Now. But, Rav would be surprised if Nick did have a problem with it. Mostly, Rav just regretted his word choice but didn't really know how else to transition.
"Honestly, I think I'm similar," Nick said, frowning a little, his eyes momentarily distant. "It definitely gets harder to talk. I think I maybe go limp rather than stiffen... or maybe that part just depends, I'm not sure." Hmm... that would be complicated for Rav to intuit, if two opposite reactions could both mean discomfort. Rav pulled his eyebrows together in thought and concern.
Nick soon snapped Rav out of it, however. "Sorry to start so heavy," Nick said, and Rav had to stifle a laugh. Nick thought he was the one being heavy? As though knowing what Rav was thinking, Nick continued. "I guess I just... I mean, I don't want to disregard or make light of what you told me the other day. But I'm not entirely sure of the right way to move forward..." That, at least, made more sense, and Rav's face fell into neutrality as he retreated inwardly, looking down toward his lap. Perhaps this had been a mistake. They would probably never overcome the shadow Rav had cast over their interaction even before it had really begun.
Rav heard Nick sigh and cautiously turned his attention back to Nick.
"If... you're ever not sure about where I'm at," Nick said with his eyes closed, "I do trust myself to give an honest color when asked. Green if I'm enjoying what's happening, yellow if I'm not sure about something." Rav nodded. The spotlight system was something Hannah had taught him, and it seemed pretty standard among people who were interested in kink, not that Rav had ever really had the pleasure of heading that direction. But Nick's familiarity with it caused Rav to raise his eyebrows. Was Nick into kink? Rav's lips flirted with a smile at the thought.
But, something in the back of his mind also nagged at him. Nick hadn't said anything about red.
Nick shook his head and opened his eyes to stare at his own lap.
"To start, I guess... does it feel safe enough to just stop and check in after each song? And, of course, if either of us goes stiff in the middle of the song... it seems like contact improv is a good thing to be doing to notice something like that. We can stop touching if we're touching, and verbally check in, or give each other time if talking is too hard in the moment."
Finally, Nick looked back at Rav with his own brows pulled together, one side of his cheek pulled in slightly as if he was biting the inside of it. Releasing, Nick asked, "Does that seem reasonable?"
Rav was quiet for longer than he thought was likely comfortable for Nick, though he found it in himself to nod, reminding himself that Nick's earlier nod had given Rav a lot of relief. But he wasn't looking at Nick. Rav still wasn't sure any of this was a good idea.
Unsure what to do with the pent-up energy in his body, Rav stood and started pacing, feeling uncomfortable with the closed door again. He made it across the room and halfway back again before he said anything.
"Can we just... Do you... Is there music? I'd like to just spend some time with my own body for a few minutes if that's all right." After speaking, Rav's jaw clenched as he realized that, if it wasn't all right with Nick, Rav would need to leave. Now. But, Rav would be surprised if Nick did have a problem with it. Mostly, Rav just regretted his word choice but didn't really know how else to transition.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Rav was quiet for a long time, and Nick eventually let his gaze fall back down into his lap, hands fidgeting silently. Anxiety fluttered wildly in Nick's chest, wanting desperately to know what Rav was thinking--or to somehow fix however he might have steered them wrong--but just as Nick felt some unintelligible plea on his tongue, he sighed it out and pressed a hand to his chest again, reminding his nerves to start with himself when it came to seeking soothing. Thankfully, it only took a couple of breaths to start to calm down, though another flare of anxiety rose when Nick felt Rav's weight leave the couch.
Nick looked up to see Rav pacing over toward the other side of the room, and then back again. Nick swallowed nervously.
"Can we just... Do you... Is there music?" Rav asked. "I'd like to just spend some time with my own body for a few minutes if that's all right."
"Yeah, of course," Nick nodded and reached for where his phone sat next to the snacks. As he unlocked his phone and opened Spoitify, he nearly asked if Rav had any preferences for music, but thought better of it, and ultimately followed his own intuition to an album he often listened to to fall asleep.
Nick breathed a small sigh of relief as the first few beats of the opening song sent soft pulses into the soundscape, blooming into gentle piano that--sometimes, and this time--sent pleasant tingles across Nick's scalp. Yes, surely this would be soothing to them both. Here was hoping.
Nick cast his eyes to Rav with a cautious inquiry--did he find this acceptable?--as he set his phone down on the corner of the coffee table and gathered his legs up in front of him, his own body wanting to be small and cozy while the current wave of tension passed.
((OOC: Going with the Migration album by Bonobo that I listen to. Not exactly something I had found by the stage of my life I'm projecting Nick into, but a sort of thing that I might have found if I mess with a few variables that it seems like Nick is messing with lol.))
Nick looked up to see Rav pacing over toward the other side of the room, and then back again. Nick swallowed nervously.
"Can we just... Do you... Is there music?" Rav asked. "I'd like to just spend some time with my own body for a few minutes if that's all right."
"Yeah, of course," Nick nodded and reached for where his phone sat next to the snacks. As he unlocked his phone and opened Spoitify, he nearly asked if Rav had any preferences for music, but thought better of it, and ultimately followed his own intuition to an album he often listened to to fall asleep.
Nick breathed a small sigh of relief as the first few beats of the opening song sent soft pulses into the soundscape, blooming into gentle piano that--sometimes, and this time--sent pleasant tingles across Nick's scalp. Yes, surely this would be soothing to them both. Here was hoping.
Nick cast his eyes to Rav with a cautious inquiry--did he find this acceptable?--as he set his phone down on the corner of the coffee table and gathered his legs up in front of him, his own body wanting to be small and cozy while the current wave of tension passed.
((OOC: Going with the Migration album by Bonobo that I listen to. Not exactly something I had found by the stage of my life I'm projecting Nick into, but a sort of thing that I might have found if I mess with a few variables that it seems like Nick is messing with lol.))
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
"Yeah, of course," Nick said quickly, reaching for his phone. Grateful, Rav turned away and began bouncing and shaking to work some of his energy out. He was having a tough time figuring out what had made Rav uncomfortable about what Nick said, but moving his body was helping as he thought it over.
As some meditative piano music came on, Rav's shaking slowed, and he turned back toward Nick and reached down to do a forward fold, bending first one knee and then the other to deepen the stretch. Rav had some notion that Nick was watching--he hadn't gotten up from the couch--but Rav couldn't let himself be bothered by that. Rav just needed to tend to his own nervous system.
It felt stupid, completely unhinged, that he would become a nervous wreck after violating someone else, but well, here he was. He suspected that was a phase of trying to get better, just another part of all this to move through.
After a while, Rav straightened. "Checking in after every song seems kinda clunky to me. Maybe that makes sense if we start doing something during a song that we wouldn't do in class. That sound okay?"
There was an urge to be abundantly cautious, to go overboard on the checking in, but Rav suspected that would make him frustrated and less likely to enjoy himself, less likely to keep trying despite all this difficulty, less likely to get over it all. He trusted that they could negotiate a middle ground.
As some meditative piano music came on, Rav's shaking slowed, and he turned back toward Nick and reached down to do a forward fold, bending first one knee and then the other to deepen the stretch. Rav had some notion that Nick was watching--he hadn't gotten up from the couch--but Rav couldn't let himself be bothered by that. Rav just needed to tend to his own nervous system.
It felt stupid, completely unhinged, that he would become a nervous wreck after violating someone else, but well, here he was. He suspected that was a phase of trying to get better, just another part of all this to move through.
After a while, Rav straightened. "Checking in after every song seems kinda clunky to me. Maybe that makes sense if we start doing something during a song that we wouldn't do in class. That sound okay?"
There was an urge to be abundantly cautious, to go overboard on the checking in, but Rav suspected that would make him frustrated and less likely to enjoy himself, less likely to keep trying despite all this difficulty, less likely to get over it all. He trusted that they could negotiate a middle ground.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Rav started with some bouncing and shaking, and Nick wondered if he ought to do some of that, too. But, he was feeling awfully couch-locked at the immediate moment, and decided not to fight that. He let himself watch Rav for a moment, while the man's back was turned--but then Rav turned back toward him, and Nick blinked with some fluster down to the snacks on the table, arms wrapped around his knees and holding his legs in close.
In his periphery, Nick saw Rav continue down into a forward fold, and something about that inspired Nick to lay down on the couch, knees still curled up against his stomach and his arms tucked in close. He wished briefly for a blanket, lamenting they didn't keep one by the couches, but let that pass, squeezing his arms yet closer to his chest in comfort, his attention focusing on the pleasant music he'd put on.
"Checking in after every song seems kinda clunky to me." Rav spoke up after a little while, and Nick tilted his head to look up at him. Perhaps a tad nervous, but also genuinely curious. "Maybe that makes sense if we start doing something during a song that we wouldn't do in class. That sound okay?"
Nick nodded, but a bit more hesitantly than the nods he'd given before. He sat himself up calmly and crossed his legs beneath him, adopting a thoughtful expression as he closed his eyes and touched his thumb briefly to his bottom lip.
"Okay." He said after a moment, giving Rav a gentle smile as he opened his eyes and nodded. "So basically, treat this like class, except it's okay if we do things we wouldn't in class... just, if we do, then we'll check in about it at the end of the song. Unless one of us gets stiff, then we'll check in right away."
He hoped it wasn't annoying to restate things, he just wanted to make sure he understood, and that they were truly on the same page about it. His anxiety kept raising after he spoke, though, and his brows drew together a little apologetically as he added, "Does it feel like that... covers your concern?"
There were more questions trying to dance their way onto Nick's tongue, but he nibbled down on his lip to hold them at bay, and tried to let them go. At the end of the day, they'd eventually need to just try something, and let it play out.
In his periphery, Nick saw Rav continue down into a forward fold, and something about that inspired Nick to lay down on the couch, knees still curled up against his stomach and his arms tucked in close. He wished briefly for a blanket, lamenting they didn't keep one by the couches, but let that pass, squeezing his arms yet closer to his chest in comfort, his attention focusing on the pleasant music he'd put on.
"Checking in after every song seems kinda clunky to me." Rav spoke up after a little while, and Nick tilted his head to look up at him. Perhaps a tad nervous, but also genuinely curious. "Maybe that makes sense if we start doing something during a song that we wouldn't do in class. That sound okay?"
Nick nodded, but a bit more hesitantly than the nods he'd given before. He sat himself up calmly and crossed his legs beneath him, adopting a thoughtful expression as he closed his eyes and touched his thumb briefly to his bottom lip.
"Okay." He said after a moment, giving Rav a gentle smile as he opened his eyes and nodded. "So basically, treat this like class, except it's okay if we do things we wouldn't in class... just, if we do, then we'll check in about it at the end of the song. Unless one of us gets stiff, then we'll check in right away."
He hoped it wasn't annoying to restate things, he just wanted to make sure he understood, and that they were truly on the same page about it. His anxiety kept raising after he spoke, though, and his brows drew together a little apologetically as he added, "Does it feel like that... covers your concern?"
There were more questions trying to dance their way onto Nick's tongue, but he nibbled down on his lip to hold them at bay, and tried to let them go. At the end of the day, they'd eventually need to just try something, and let it play out.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Nick nodded a little, sitting up and placing his thumb to his bottom lip. Despite the hesitance in his response, he was damn cute. But Rav felt like now was not the right time to admire that. Things still felt... unsteady.
"Okay," Nick said as though unsure of himself. Rav winced quietly. "So basically, treat this like class, except it's okay if we do things we wouldn't in class... just, if we do, then we'll check in about it at the end of the song. Unless one of us gets stiff, then we'll check in right away."
Nick's breathing picked up a little bit, and Rav smiled slightly in spite of himself. Despite it all, Nick was cute when he was nervous. Rav just wished Nick weren't nervous because of him.
After a moment, Nick added, "Does it feel like that... covers your concern?" Nick was biting the inside of his lower lip this time, giving it a crooked look that pulled at Rav's heartstrings. He wanted to put Nick at ease, but Rav's very presence was... uneasy. Rav sighed and then smiled.
"Yeah," Rav said, scratching at the back of his hair momentarily before pulling his arm across his body in a stretch. "I mean, I just don't want to overcomplicate things. And, ultimately, I'll disengage if I'm uncomfortable. That's not what I'm worried about. So, whatever helps you... uh... you know..." Rav said, switching arms, "...have a good time." Rav looked off to the side then, a complex cocktail of anticipation, dread, and delight swirling the acid in his stomach. Oh, butterflies. Those were butterflies.
"Okay," Nick said as though unsure of himself. Rav winced quietly. "So basically, treat this like class, except it's okay if we do things we wouldn't in class... just, if we do, then we'll check in about it at the end of the song. Unless one of us gets stiff, then we'll check in right away."
Nick's breathing picked up a little bit, and Rav smiled slightly in spite of himself. Despite it all, Nick was cute when he was nervous. Rav just wished Nick weren't nervous because of him.
After a moment, Nick added, "Does it feel like that... covers your concern?" Nick was biting the inside of his lower lip this time, giving it a crooked look that pulled at Rav's heartstrings. He wanted to put Nick at ease, but Rav's very presence was... uneasy. Rav sighed and then smiled.
"Yeah," Rav said, scratching at the back of his hair momentarily before pulling his arm across his body in a stretch. "I mean, I just don't want to overcomplicate things. And, ultimately, I'll disengage if I'm uncomfortable. That's not what I'm worried about. So, whatever helps you... uh... you know..." Rav said, switching arms, "...have a good time." Rav looked off to the side then, a complex cocktail of anticipation, dread, and delight swirling the acid in his stomach. Oh, butterflies. Those were butterflies.