Written Wonderland

((OOC: I know I said this aloud, but I want it noted for posterity that the thought also crossed my mind that getting kidnapped by fae would indeed have been pretty good right about there lol, but I'm certainly just as happy to be going this direction presently~ <3))

When Evan met eyes with the goddess, his expression certainly held anger, but of a more subdued sort than the goddess was used to seeing on his face. He wasn't full of fire or rage, just... hurt. His eyes were still red from the sobs that had escaped him earlier, though he wasn't sure whether the goddess would make that out at this distance; he hoped that she wouldn't. Inside his gut was swirling with fear, anger, caution, shame, regret... but he was more determined than usual to hold his emotions close to his chest, and anyone without supernatural help would have a damn hard time discerning anything he was feeling other than hurt and like holding people at arm's length.

He did think he caught a flicker of a smile from the goddess, which he wasn't sure how he felt about. After that, he detected regret in her expression, which only grew more obvious as he walked closer. He averted his eyes slightly, though kept approaching, making like he was more interested in taking in the decor of the place. Which, in some ways, he was--this was a new location in the goddess' realm, and he did want to take it in. But not long after, the goddess spoke, and drew his gaze back to her.

He stopped walking and studied her expression again, trying to decide how he wanted to react. Some part of him wanted to be ornery--like, why in the fuck should he oblige her anything right now?--but another part of him did want to see what she had to show him, and he certainly didn't want to risk spiralling them into another battle with each other.

In the end, he opted to just silently nod, intending to give the goddess his consent to show him what she would, but without giving her much of anything else, though he was prepared to start walking again if she indicated she wanted him closer or to follow her somewhere.

((OOC: no clue how far into the room he got before he stopped walking; feel free to declare whatever makes sense for the length of time he walked before stopping? *shrug* lol))

The goddess was grateful he wasn't going to fight him on this, at least. She wasn't sure either of them had the emotional bandwidth to do that, and that might ruin things once and for all. Dehaljadrun returned Evan's nod and walked passed him, fully out of the palace now. Here, there was enough room such that she could transform.

Placing the stone at her feet, the goddess kneeled down near it and drew a slow circle around the top of the stone with one finger. It was a gentle motion, hardly enough to elicit a response from Evan, but kind, apologetic, serene even. Then she stepped back from it and disappeared into mist, her body momentarily changed into a cloud of it before a dragon reemerged slowly out of the mist. The creature was large, taller than the palace structure, and her purple scales shimmered in the moonlight like the metal on the table, but brighter, almost electric in the light. There were hints of pink and gold around sensitive areas of her body, her belly and her head most notably. But, more than anything, what was noticeable about the dragon was her eye, as only one was visible at a time, wide and wet, though the expression, if anything, was one of majesty, of grace, and of understanding.

The dragon bent her head down such that it touched the ground near the stone, now obviously a scale of this dragon, and after a moment, she nudged it toward Evan gently, the sensation of the grass, dark and almost black in the twilight, spreading across Evan's back.

Take it. It's yours. It belongs to you now.

It was, perhaps, the closest she might ever come to telling him she loved him, the voice appearing around Evan as though in a cloud of light static.

I want you to have agency over your body.

Evan pivoted slightly away from the goddess as she walked past him, but then he followed her quietly as she lead him outside. He was certainly nervous as she placed the stone on the ground and touched it, but the sensation--if it could even be called that--that her motion elicited felt good. It was the sort of feeling that he thought was physical, but he couldn't really describe in physical ways. If he had to describe it, he might call it a cloud, or maybe a cloak, but in motion; it helped his shoulders relax some, and his gut to feel calmer. Tears threatened a bit to well up in his eyes, but he blinked them away, and once again hoped the goddess took no notice. If there was anything that embarrassed him about how he responded to events tonight, it was that he'd cried, and that he still felt so close to tears.

Curiosity and then astonishment did manage to make shy debuts in his expression as the goddess disappeared and a dragon stepped forth. The captain took a slight step back without thinking, his body still holding more fear than he realized, but he caught himself and bid his feet to stay still, determined to trust that the goddess wasn't aiming to hurt him now. His eyes took her in; her shape, her colors, her shimmers and glow; and the narrative that she was his goddess to whom his life had brought him gained quite a bit more potency as his mind turned to the tattoo down his side, covering the very scar that made him eligible for her quest. He still held his thoughts close, hoping to shield them from her in a way he hadn't managed to shield others, though he wasn't sure how successful his efforts were. It was difficult for him not to believe that narrative right now, but that didn't mean he didn't presently resent the shit out of it. Obviously, reality never mirrored fantasy perfectly, but gods fucking damn it, the goddess he used to dream of was someone who would take him away from people who treated him like she had treated him tonight.

The dragon gently nudged the stone--the scale--closer to Evan, and he blinked back yet more tears as he felt the blades of grass gently caress his back. He could tell she was handling him with care, but he still felt so fucking scared. He was going to fuck up again--he would always fuck up again, inevitably--and what would happen then?

Nonetheless, he stepped forward and knelt down to gently pick up the scale. He regarded it in his open palm as he stood, a whirlwind of private emotions still raging inside him. A part of him was disappointed; he'd wanted to play that game, but that was before. Now, he appreciated being given back some control, however slight.

He raised his eyes to the dragon, his expression still angry and distant, though his eyes were certainly glossier than he'd like.

"Would you still release a soldier tonight if I left now?"

Truth told, he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to leave, but he'd feel better staying if it wasn't on account of their contract. And, on some level, he wanted her to at least worry that he did truly want to leave; after all, at least part of him was considering it.

The dragon reared her head a little at Evan's question and narrowed her eye. She didn't want to give up another soldier--she had given back two the previous night and hadn't intended to budge on that matter tonight--but what choice did she have? Forcing him to stay here would only make them both miserable, but she supposed that staying on his own terms might salvage the situation. Was that even still an option?

Yes, you may still have a soldier back. She closed her eye at this and shrank back a bit, defeated. The dragon brightened a little, though, as she had another thought.

But, I'd like to take you somewhere before you decide. Can we agree on that much?

Relief washed down Evan's torso like a cool wave, releasing many of the muscles that had previously been knotted tightly. It didn't fix everything, but it fixed a lot, hearing her willing to let him go so soon without further penalty. It felt like a more solid show of good faith than the scale, he supposed because it was a move in the larger game--if that layer of it even qualified as a game at all. A very subtle hint of gratitude softened his expression, and he nodded gently in response to the goddess' question; he was fine with visiting at least one more place while he decided what, when granted freedom, he really wanted to do.

Dehaljadrun was happy that, at the very least, agreeing to release another soldier soothed Evan somewhat. She was relieved to see some of the tension leave his body, and the dragon let out a short, electric breath as a sigh escaped her lungs in a similar sensation of relief.

Leaning down and spreading one wing to make it easier for Evan to clamber onto her back, the dragon indicated that she meant for Evan to get on. It had been a long, long time since she had let anyone do this--not even Uranel had had this privilege--but she wanted to get to their destination quickly, as she hoped it would provide an ideal setting to explain herself. And, mournfully, she realized that she needed to explain herself if Evan was ever going to trust her again.

Once she was confident that Evan was on her back, the spikes over her shoulders providing good handholds, the dragon took flight, gently so Evan could gain his balance and then more dramatically as her large wings unfurled all the way and rose into the air, above the trees. It was easy to see the landscape as a whole from here: in the distance, the blue stone of the dark fae kingdom, the dense forest where the tree Dehaljadrun had visited rest hidden, and far off to one side, cliffs overlooking the sea. It was here that the dragon headed, the flight short compared to the walk it would have been through the forest and mists.

The dragon landed gently and gracefully, careful not to throw Evan off balance by sensing how his weight was shifting. Once she had landed and Evan had gotten down, the dragon shifted back into mist and then into her goddess form from there. She still had a somber expression and she looked out at the sea over the cliffs, walking with her hair blowing behind her to the sheer edge of the cliffs which seemed to extend as far as the eye could see in both directions. There was very little sand below, and the waves washed up against the cliffs--and sometimes slammed up against them--quite often. The drop was over 100 and maybe 200 feet, and with the mist swirling in the area, it was easy to become dizzy looking down from the top.

Dehaljadrun didn't look at Evan--she was looking out to sea--when she began, "My dragon can't fly further than that island there," pointing at a tiny strip of land a few hundred yards from the shore. "Once, my realm was connected to a great ocean, but now we have only a portion of it, all of it broken away from us.

"Uranel visited for the first time over 25 years ago. He had his sorcerers convince the priestesses of my temple to create a portal for him to enter through. He asked me all kinds of questions about my realm, and in exchange, he provided his company.

"I trusted him. I saw it as an act of good faith between his realm and mine, and I confided in him about how the upper realms had broken away. He found that fascinating and convinced me he wanted to repair the rift.

"He visited every few years for a while, unpredictably, making demands of me. I... I wanted to give him what he wanted, and I trusted that he would...

"He suggested I give birth to a son and convinced me this would improve my standing with the upper realms. I did so, but he had tricked me. He had his sorcerers overwhelm me through portals he had collected with me, and he stole his son into the human realm. When he left, I found I could not follow him. He had already laid the bindings in the underworld, and I was restricted to just this realm. Just this exile. No lateral movement. He had been planning everything.

"I know he's terrified of me. He's tried everything he can do to keep me at bay, and it's largely worked for him. And, right now, you're my best shot at ending this nightmare.

"I hope you know I wouldn't be telling you this otherwise." She turned to look at him then, hoping that telling the story would have some impact on him. If he knew the hair trigger he had stepped on, maybe he could trust her more successfully with everything else.

Evan was hesitant at first, but he shook it off and carefully mounted the dragon, some part of his gut leaping at the absurd wonder of what was happening. He settled in, finding a position that felt decently stable and comfortable, his hands tentatively curling around a couple of the spikes on the dragon's shoulders. In some ways this felt unreal, but he couldn't deny his chest buzzed with excitement. The feeling only swelled when the dragon rose into the air, and for a time, Evan's anger and hurt was entirely displaced by wonder. His eyes scoured the landscape and took it all in, the wind in his hair sending shivers over his skin but only in ways that exhilarated him. Some part of him wondered whether he'd get to know all the places he saw, or whether they'd just remain glimpses of far-off lands that a goddess had once briefly shown him.

Anxiety returned, subtly, as they landed, and Evan wondered why the goddess had brought him to cliffs. He felt vaguely surprised by the dragon dissipating once he'd dismounted, and pangs of anger and hurt re-flared as he watched the goddess in her human form walk forward into the wind. The captain didn't follow after her until she started speaking. His eyes followed where she pointed, and he slowly walked up to be just behind her, and a few feet to the side. He thought it was interesting how she phrased her first comment--'my dragon,' like it wasn't just her--but set that aside for now to keep listening. He did feel very sad for her as she spoke, though he tried to keep his expression stoic. It was difficult to keep up once she turned to look at him, appearing to him the most vulnerable she ever had. He nodded to her, softly, and allowed a note of apology to subtly shape his brow.

"I won't bring him up again."

Not if it would make her the kind of mad it had made her. He'd certainly wanted to get under her skin, but not like that--just as, he expected, she had wanted to hurt Evan with the order she had given Philip, but... not like that.

The question was, what next? They'd both made their apologies now, but Evan still felt unresolved, somehow. He turned his gaze back towards the ocean, contemplating. What did he want?

He could try to talk more business, bring up the Shel'ti now that the goddess was disarmed. That would probably be the strategic thing to do, but he'd feel shitty doing it. He wanted, in the end, to work with this goddess, not against her. He briefly considered laying his cards out on the table, not asking the goddess for anything right now, but giving her a roadmap of where he needed to get to in their ongoing negotiations. It was appealing to him, but... it was the wrong kind of vulnerability. It was making his cause more vulnerable, not himself. He had to take a different approach, here, somehow... The captain shifted his weight and brought his hand up to rub at his hair uncomfortably. Then, after a moment, he pivoted to face the goddess more directly, and brought his sharp, nervous eyes up to meet hers.

"Tell me how you want me to come to you tomorrow."

He paused very briefly, seemingly content to leave it there, but something nagged at his brain, prompting him to speak further, though it sounded crazy to him even as the words came from his mouth:

"I won't promise to follow instructions, but I will promise to remember them."

Was that...acceptable? Was that sane? Was that really what he wanted? He just... felt so sure the goddess had enjoyed the part of him that was ornery--and he had enjoyed showing it to her--he was trying to figure out how to get back there again without stepping over another line. He wasn't totally sure this was the best way to do it, but apparently, it was the way his brain had come up with for now.

The goddess found herself searching Evan's face repeatedly, looking for any cues that the situation was salvageable. Because, if what she had already done wasn't going to work, then she didn't know if anything would. Hadn't she been more vulnerable now that she really ever had? How could that not be enough?

At least he looked a little apologetic. He had started this after all, no matter how she had ended it.

When he said he wouldn't bring Uranel up again, she couldn't help a slight scoff, and it took everything in her power not to roll her eyes. Like that was going to help now. Door was open; the floodgate was wide, and it was mostly the surprise that threw her over the edge. She certainly would not get surprised like that again because now, at least, she had gotten to tell the story on her own terms and didn't have to worry about what Evan had learned about it from the crone--or the king for that matter. The details, anyway.

But, it didn't feel like he was finished talking, and she waited for him to continue. She could practically feel his mind calculating his options from where she stood. When she heard him say that he wouldn't necessarily follow directions but would remember them, a ghost of a smirk made its way onto her lips. Oh good. That was a game he still wanted to play, even after all this. And, it meant he would be back. He would still keep up his end of the deal, although she blanched at the thought of him coming back, day after day, miserable and biding his time until he could leave again. If that was going to be the case, then she'd be better off getting to the underworld some other way.

What way? she chastised herself, knowing that, in a decade, this was the best idea she had had.

Her fury about the situation with Uranel reignited in her at the thought of yet more time stuck in this realm, but she kept it at bay, knowing that showing anger now would surely topple their already shaky foundation.

"Bring him up all you like," she said unfeelingly, "I doubt there's anything else you could say that would hurt as much." It was a low blow, playing on the regret he clearly felt--she could see that even without reading his mind--but if it came down to a show of anger or being a little bit of a bitch about his emotions, the latter seemed the better option. Not to mention that she really did want him to feel at least a little indebted to her. Otherwise she would have to keep conceding like she had with the soldier.

But she quickly followed up her comment by addressing the rest of what Evan had said. No point in lingering.

"I want you to arrive with an offering. And I want you to be ready to endure what I will have for you. Emotionally, physically, energetically. Each night, it will become more intense to ensure that you will make it through the trip to the underworld." The goddess calculated her words carefully, knowing that Evan would surely attempt to find ways to weasel out of whatever her instructions were. "I will put a portal in your tent as I did tonight when the sun reaches the horizon. You will be mine until after dawn the following day." She thought about the last comment for a moment and then said, "if such an arrangement would please you."

Dehajadrun didn't offer any alternatives or explain what she would do if Evan backed out of their agreement because she didn't have any other options, and the goddess figured Evan knew that. In essence, she was offering to stay in exile to make up for what she had done and... she hated it. But, she couldn't think of any other way to salvage their interactions and get back to the game she so desperately hoped he wanted to play with her.

"And," she said with hesitation, "If you leave now, I would like to request an additional night with you. Not out of any contract or cause, but because you want to be here." It was a risky move, asking for more, but she would feel cheated somehow if he left now, and she feared losing out on a night might not give them enough time to prepare. She supposed that the worst he could say was no, although she wasn't sure how she would react to hearing it.

At first Evan was irritated when the goddes threw his offer to leave the topic of Uranel alone back in his face, but aside from narrowed eyes and a briefly clenched jaw, he was able to swallow it back. Besides, he could hear her next comment as an invitation--a challenge. It'd probably be a while before it didn't seem like too big a risk, but Evan mentally slid that into his back pocket, rather than locking it away as he'd originally intended.

He listened quietly to the goddess' terms, one brain process already starting to work on what in the world he'd bring as an offering, while the rest of him continued making note of the rest of what she said. He was surprised by her clarification that the arrangement might not suit him, and he raised his eyebrow slightly. He supposed she was probably still trying to give him back agency, which on some level he appreciated, but at some point, that wasn't what he wanted. Had they reached that point yet, though? He wasn't entirely sure. A lot of things still felt pretty fucking confusing about the situation. Regardless, it wasn't like he was going to just fucking walk away from their arrangement; he still needed things from her, and that aside, the loudest narrative in his brain still believed that this was what he was supposed to be doing, even if that seemed a little ridiculous right now.

In some ways he was relieved for her follow-up request, if only because it broke him out of the loops he'd nearly gotten stuck in. That, and, it was vulnerable of her in a way that pleased Evan, for better or for worse. She wanted something from him, and not just her freedom. That finally pulled a small, smug smile onto his face, and he cocked his head back slightly.

"And if I don't choose to leave now?"

Evan's smug smile lit a different fire in Dehaljadrun. They were both starting to relax into the situation, and this felt good. Finally, some progress.

Dehaljadrun thought for a long time. She wanted to say, "Then we'll go back to the table and pick up where we left off," but that felt like it was completely ignoring what had happened in a way that didn't feel good and probably wouldn't help the situation. Then maybe she needed to concede more? Offer more? Bribe him? Ughhhh, she hated the thought. She had already done so much more than she had planned tonight, and she certainly didn't need to add more to the pile. At some point, those gestures would become meaningless to Evan.

His smirk suggested that he was pushing the envelope, but it was still personal and not related to the cause, which made it feel to the goddess as though they were not yet back in the game.

Opening her mind to allow any thought to pass through, looking for anything that might appeal to the strange state both of them were in, she thought, maybe I could give him all my abilities. Just for tonight. But she quickly decided that the two of them might end up tearing the whole realm apart that way. Thinking about it made her crack a genuine smile, though, really the first since the one when Evan had rode that wave of her energy as she licked down the stone. Ah, an idea. This one could work.

"I'll give you the ability to keep the dragon scale active." He was a masochist, after all. Surely his mind would at least spin up on its possible uses and direct some of this wild, angry, ashamed energy toward a place where they could actually deal with it. And, if he didn't find this enticing enough, then, fine, he could suggest something else, or he could leave, and Dehaljadrun suddenly felt confident that it would be his loss.