Written Wonderland

Jaz watched as Chris pressed his lips together in thought. That was good, right? Introspection?

"I guess, just before, when you reached over Ren for some cheese, and he just like, leaned on you. And he looked at me, and talked about you. Like, I think that was an olive branch, like you said, but... it felt... dangerous or even wrong to accept, maybe." Chris paused, but then added, "I guess... it was also kind of like when... well, I mean, early on, he called you 'crazy', and I did play along, and it seemed like maybe you didn't like that. It's... confusing."

Jaz nodded, a blush rising to her cheeks as she thought through possible responses.

"I liked that he leaned on me. Honestly, I think I wanted him to do something. Which is maybe on me. You and Nick didn't exactly sign up for our dynamic."

She paused for a beat, considering.

"I did give him an earful on my way out, though," Jaz said with a laugh, "I like having reasons to push back on him."

She sobered, then, looking to one side. "I think the teasing gets exponentially riskier in group settings. I don't like feeling like everyone is against me. You were picking up on that correctly."

Maybe she would need to talk to Ren about that at some point. She still wanted to feel valuable to him, especially in relation to other people. Although maybe her other boyfriends were, like, a conspiratorial sort of group to Ren or something. Hmm.

"But, come to think of it, this might be our first group setting, like, ever. Unless you count the sex club. But we were kinda doing our own thing there, too."

"I liked that he leaned on me," Jaz replied, and Chris admittedly had to fight the urge to roll his eyes. He managed, though, instead just flicking his gaze a little more to the side, farther away from Jaz, just needing to kinde of hide out not really in her view for a moment.

"Honestly, I think I wanted him to do something. Which is maybe on me. You and Nick didn't exactly sign up for our dynamic." She paused for a beat, and then added with a laugh, "I did give him an earful on my way out, though. I like having reasons to push back on him."

Then, after another pause, she grew more sober. "I think the teasing gets exponentially riskier in group settings. I don't like feeling like everyone is against me. You were picking up on that correctly."

At least that, weirdly, helped Chris relax a little. Validation, maybe. Like he wasn't totally clueless, or crazy. He pulled his gaze over to Jaz, finally ready to look at her again. She was looking to the side, though, so Chris quickly settled back into looking straight ahead.

"But, come to think of it," Jaz continued, "This might be our first group setting, like, ever. Unless you count the sex club. But we were kinda doing our own thing there, too."

"Oh," Chris could help letting out something between a laugh and a scoff, mostly just out of surprise. Sex club? Geez. He shook his head and sighed a little, not really wanting to go down that rabbit hole right now. Whatever she and Ren did when Chris wasn't with them wasn't really important right now. He just wanted to figure out how to be here with her and Ren. He wanted to figure out how to be comfortable going back inside. After all, it was just getting chillier as the evening crept toward night.

"I definitely don't want to be against you," he said, looking back at Jaz again. His eyes were soft, and offered a timid smile. "And, I don't really want to be against Ren, either. But, it's felt a little like I've had to choose sides, a lot. I don't want to." He felt like he was asking her for something, though, without even fully knowing what it was. Shyness and uncertainty had his gaze drifting to the side while he stumbled to find words.

"Can we... I mean, do you think... would it make sense to just... try to talk about all this, together? ... Would that be weird?" He mustered the courage to look at Jaz again, his eyes a little shy and worried, but hopeful.

"Oh," Chris said with a huff of a laugh. Jaz shrugged, turning back to face him.

"I definitely don't want to be against you," he said, meeting her gaze. He was beautiful with the light of the moon in his eyes and a slight smile. "And, I don't really want to be against Ren, either. But, it's felt a little like I've had to choose sides, a lot. I don't want to." He looked to the side, looking like he had more to say.

"Can we... I mean, do you think... would it make sense to just... try to talk about all this, together? ... Would that be weird?" He looked at Jaz again, eyebrows raised in what looked like hope.

She thought about it. While her initial temptation was to resolve it all out here so they didn't need to bring it back inside, attempts to smooth things over like that hadn't worked with the tarot cards. Maybe they did need to talk about it.

"I think that makes sense. Maybe we can give you... a hand signal or something to tell us to knock it off. Or... I don't know. Maybe we just need to learn to keep it in the bedroom." Jaz grinned and laughed a little.

"Or..." she said with some hesitance, "...you could be on your own side. Switzerland. Focus on what you want?"

She looked at him, seeing how that landed, but then added, "Or some combination."

Thinking about it a little more, though, she felt disappointed by the idea of hiding all that from Chris. She wanted them to be open about it all and maybe even play with it somehow, but Chris was right--it wasn't clear where he fit into that dynamic. Maybe that's where group brainstorm power could help.

"I think that makes sense. Maybe we can give you... a hand signal or something to tell us to knock it off. Or... I don't know. Maybe we just need to learn to keep it in the bedroom." Jaz grinned and laughed a little. "Or..." she said with some hesitance, "...you could be on your own side. Switzerland. Focus on what you want? Or some combination."

Chris looked out at the city again as Jaz spoke, contemplating. A hand signal might be nice, or maybe just like, 'uncle'. Safe words were a thing in BDSM, right? Maybe that wouldn't be too weird. He wasn't sure, though... it wasn't exactly that he wanted Ren and Jaz to stop playing the game that they wanted to play... he just wanted to figure out how to play with them. Or, maybe just a new game that they could all play together.

In any case, they weren't going to figure that part out out here on the balcony. Chris sighed and finally pushed himself to his feet, leaning on the railing a moment to look at the city just a little bit longer. It wasn't a grandiose view or anything, but, he did like it. Then, he turned to face Jaz, swaying slightly playfully with his hand still on the railing.

"Shall we head in, then, and figure it out?"

Chris sighed and got to his feet, swaying a little against the railing. It was cute.

"Shall we head in, then, and figure it out?"

Jaz nodded but felt an overwhelming urge to kiss Chris. Talking herself down a little, she dove into his arms, snuggling in for a hug, her slight dizziness catching back up with her.

"I'm really glad you didn't leave," she said, holding him tight.

Chris grew a little worried when he saw some kind of hesitance in Jaz, but, soon enough, she dove into a hug, and he let out a big, long sigh of relief as he wrapped his arms around her. He was really, really grateful for the hugs she'd given him tonight.

"I'm really glad you didn't leave," she said, and Chris gave her a soft squeeze.

"Well, yeah." Other replies came to mind, but some of them were probably in poor taste. Ultimately he settled on, "I don't intend to be scared away that easily."

"Well, yeah," Chris said, returning the hug in full force. "I don't intend to be scared away that easily."

Jaz giggled and thought, Good, because Ren could be a while lot scarier.

She let the hug last a while before she gently pulled away, smiling at him. Grasping the doorknob, she nodded for him to come back inside, hoping Ren and Nick had taken her advice.

Jaz giggled and, after a moment, pulled gently out of the hug. She grasped the doorknob to head back inside, and nodded for Chris to follow. He nodded in return, taking a deep breath to summon some courage, and, more importantly, openness and serenity back into him. He felt bad that that was proving to be so difficult tonight, but, he was really glad that he and Jaz had had a chance to check in and talk.

When they stepped back inside, the bedroom door was open, and after half a beat, Ren called from the kitchen,

“Nick are I are making another round of drinks. Chris, your drink is on the coffee table.”

Chris blinked at the coffee table, confirming that there was indeed a glass there, with about as much liquid as he remembered last setting his drink down with.

“You better not have spiked it,” Chris replied, hopeful it would land the playful way that he meant it.

“Only one way to find out,” Ren answered, and Chris smiled, optimistic about the banter. He glanced to Jaz and shrugged, then, before walking over to go pick up his drink and finish it.

Stepping back into her tiny apartment, Jaz immediately looked at her bedroom door and realized it was open. Before she had long to wonder about that, Ren called from the kitchen.

"Nick are I are making another round of drinks. Chris, your drink is on the coffee table.” Ren was making more drinks after his comment about giving her alcohol? Was that his idea of a joke? Was it a test of some kind? Jaz didn't know what to make of it.

"You better not have spiked it," Chris said, and Jaz cringed, her back constricting with fear. Gods, she hoped they could move past this prickly moment quickly.

"Only one way to find out," Ren said playfully, and Jaz relaxed. It helped further when Chris smiled at her. Maybe it would be okay. Everyone was still... trying.

But, she couldn't help wondering about Nick. How had he managed alone with Ren? Did he feel neglected? She hoped not. It was a lot to keep track of them all, even with her receding dizziness.

Chris shrugged and downed the rest of his drink. It seemed he trusted Ren enough to do that.

Jaz should probably get some water if she was going to have another drink. Weaving through Ren and Nick as he rinsed some of their dirty glasses, Jaz managed to collect a glass and get some tap water, turning to drink it against the sink while she tried to assess the mood between Nick and Ren.

Chris downed the rest of his drink and then moseyed to the kitchen after Jaz. He watched as she grabbed a glass for some water, maneuvering around Nick as he cleaned some of the dirty dishes they'd made so far. That was nice of him. Chris hoped Nick didn't begrudge the task--almost on queue, Nick tossed Chris a smile, and Chris smiled back, if a bit awkwardly. Ren had glanced his way, too, he thought, but kept his attention on the drinks for now. Chris' smile faded a little at that as nervousness flared. He looked over to Jaz, who leaned against the counter sipping her water and paying close attention to Nick and Ren.

To bide a little time, Chris walked over by Nick, placing his dirty glass on the counter.

"Thanks for doing that," he said. "Do you want to switch out and I'll finish?"

"Oh, it's no problem," Nick replied, and Chris initially thought he might turn him down, but then he added, "I mean, if you want something to do with your hands, you can have a turn, but I'm happy to finish."

"Did you get the air you needed?" Ren asked, his tone gentle, but his timing definitely interrupting. He stepped closer to Chris and held out a fresh drink, which Chris awkwardly accepted.

"Yeah," Chris said with a shrug, and stepped out into a more open part of the kitchen. Ren shrugged as well and stepped back to the counter where he'd been working on drinks. He scooted two finished drinks to the edge of the counter, and then picked up the third to sip on as he leaned against the counter himself. It was kind of a funny picture, Ren and Jaz sipping on drinks on either side of Nick as he diligently rinsed out glasses. Chris just stood for a moment, sipping on his own drink and trying to collect his thoughts.

"I, uh... don't know how to play the games you're playing, Ren." He finally said, deciding that ultimately bluntness was better than nothing. Ren raised his eyebrows, but didn't seem upset--just calmly took another sip of his drink--so Chris pressed on. "I get that you and Jaz have a... dynamic. But I don't know how to be, around it. Jaz doesn't want to feel teamed up against, and I don't want to feel, like, white-knight-y, I guess."

Ren did glance over toward Jaz when Chris mentioned her. Then, he nodded, and set his drink down on the counter.

"Yeah, I can see that." He said, returning his gaze to Chris. "I guess I was kind of trying to invite you to play with me, but I didn't realize Jaz would feel teamed up against in a bad way."

Chris glanced over to Jaz, curious if she was doing okay with the conversation so far.

---

Nick had admittedly been nervous when he'd heard Jaz and Chris come back inside. He just didn't know what to expect, and maybe he'd also kind of hoped to have all the dishes finished by then, he and Ren settled into something more inviting. Ren went ahead and kind of invited them into the kitchen anyway, and Nick tried to just be grateful to have a task to do.

Jaz walked in first, and Nick tossed her a smile, happily giving her space to collect some water from the sink. That was a good idea, honestly. Nick made note to get some once he'd finished his task. Then, he looked over his shoulder to see if Chris had joined them, too--and he had, and Nick gave him a warm smile. Chris smiled back, perhaps a bit awkwardly, but Nick supposed that was to be expected. Leaving a group and coming back to it was always a little hard.

Then, Chris brought his dirty glass over to the counter by Nick.

"Thanks for doing that," he said. "Do you want to switch out and I'll finish?"

"Oh, it's no problem," Nick replied, his first impulse to just reassure Chris--he genuinely didn't mind doing the dishes at all--but then on second thought he added, "I mean, if you want something to do with your hands, you can have a turn, but I'm happy to finish."

Before Chris could answer, though, Ren had stepped closer with a drink held out for Chris, and asked a different question.

"Did you get the air you needed?"

"Yeah," Chris answered with a shrug, awkwardly accepting the drink and then stepping out into the middle of the kitchen--once again finding his own separate bubble. Nick felt a little sad, but returned his attention to the dishes, which he was really thankful to have when Chris went on.

"I, uh... don't know how to play the games you're playing, Ren."

Nick's stomach jumped into his throat at that, and he couldn't help glancing at Ren to see how that landed, though he kept it to the corner of his eye. He was leaning against the counter on the other side of Nick from Jaz, calmly sipping his drink. Nick sighed softly, and once again returned his attention to the dishes.

"I get that you and Jaz have a... dynamic," Chris continued. "But I don't know how to be, around it. Jaz doesn't want to feel teamed up against, and I don't want to feel, like, white-knight-y, I guess."

Nick glanced to Jaz at that, again just out of the corner of his eye, curious how she was doing.