Written Wonderland

Thank you. Evan replied, his mood softened and genuinely grateful. He knew she could've been a bitch about that, and was honestly just so fucking relieved that that point didn't turn into another argument.

"Here goes," the captain said softly as he gently slid the talisman apart and then made a circle in the air as the crone had shown him.

The goddess had only a moment to be tempted toward regretting that she had been acquiescent to Evan before he slid the talisman open and began to summon the portal. Strange human magic tricks, Dehaljadrun had a moment to think to herself, who builds a one-way portal anywhere? But any thoughts of the mechanism's construction left her mind as soon as the red portal filled in, nearly obscuring everything behind it. Its swirling colors alighted on Dehaljadrun's hope, but she stuffed that down quickly, her inward expression steely. Could she really handle another let down if this didn't work? How many times had she tried something like this before?

Not exactly this, the goddess reminded herself, realizing pessimism now was not going to get her anywhere. The goddess took an inward breath, and she couldn't tell whether it was her control of the body making it walk forward or if Evan was in control, but regardless, they moved closer to the opening between the realms, and the goddess held on with every fiber of her consciousness to Evan internally, prepared for just about anything as they walked through the portal together, all at once.

--

It had taken Dehaljadrun a long time to get comfortable with the sensation of moving through portals such as these, and though it had become a familiar feeling that reminded her now of her home and her power, that was not at all the sensation she experienced within Evan's body. The moment that any part of Evan stepped through the portal, the goddess was subject to immense agony, her inward voice quickly growing to an enraged yell as she fought the immense current that strove to force the two of their existences apart. She reached as far as she could toward Evan and his body, seeing nothing but her blind hatred for Uranel. The way he lied to and betrayed her. The way he did not even want to face her after what he did. The way she still, inevitably, loved him even as his actions back then were tearing her from her last hope now. The goddess pushed with all her power, and there was a brief moment when she thought that she really could overpower whatever magic was responsible for the bindings, but then the tension snapped, and she was thrown back a couple dozen feet from the portal on her side of the two realms.

Having been thrown out in her non-corporeal form, the goddess' halo of mist and electricity landed on the grass and trickled down low into the ground, which quieted her seething rage for a moment as devastation took hold. She felt the heart of the land she had been entrusted with and crawled deeper into the core of it, each drip of her godhood a watery tear slipping toward some dark and unknown center beneath the place she had had a hand in creating. She felt the way the ground around her seemed to sound off with a heartbeat that matched her own, and when she opened her inward eyes, she swore she could see the pulsing rhythm of the great tree that had come with her. She wondered if she really had been prepared to leave it. Not for long, she decided, knowing she would have done everything she could have to get back here, even if all she wanted was freedom now. She loved this place, and to take her from it altogether would be to collapse the realm itself.

In her consciousness, the goddess sighed, her frustration returning her to her electricity and calling her back toward a more physical existence. Slowly, slowly, by a gentle force of almost magnetic will, the goddess Dehaljadrun pulled herself up out of the ground and back into her (mostly) human form. Her naked body shone with sweat, and she was breathing heavily, face down on the grass with one leg bent and her arms above her head, though her hands immediately buried themselves in her hair viciously, pulling frantically as if that would help anything.

With at least the concept of a physical form, it was so much easier to feel the emotions waterfalling through her: the immense, raw ache of having her spirit pulled out of a human body; the lack of a true body of her own; the emptiness she felt whenever she was alone here in this place that she never fully wanted to leave.

And then it hit: the weight of letting Evan down. He had asked her to do something, had doubted the difficulty of the request, even, and she had failed him. What would he think of her power now if she was so subject to the mere bindings of a mortal? What did he think of her now if she, a god, could not even possess his body long enough to convince his commander of the situation? What did he think of her now if she couldn't follow him, couldn't find him, couldn't truly be with him?

Maybe everything she was trying to do with Evan in sending him to the underworld was equally as farcical. Did she really think that he would be able to withstand that journey if she couldn't even leave? And what if she wasn't meant to leave? What if the upper gods had sent Uranel because they wanted her trapped and out of their way? Or worse yet, what if they had strengthened the bonds once he put them there, even after seeing him betray her as he had?

That thought made the goddess furious again, and she pulled her hands from her hair and dug them into the ground as she pushed herself up to standing. She did not care that some of her thick, black hair hung in front of her eyes as she stared up at the sky and lifted her arms until they were straight out with her hands pointing up. She felt the way the lightning sought her out as it thunderously cracked against the ground to the left and right of her, the front and back of her, and all four of the diagonals between those four points. The places where the lightning struck bloomed into flames in a circle around the goddess, the oxygen very quickly pulled away from the goddess as one final lightning strike threatened and came down directly into the top of the goddess' head.

If someone had been watching the moment the lightning stuck the goddess of dreams, it would have seemed to slow down time as she floated up into the air slightly to meet it. As the lightning burned and pulsed brightly through her body, her hair rose up in an electric wave above her head, and her skin became wrapped in a shroud of vibrant electricity. As the goddess closed her eyes, however, her feet touched back down to the meadow in front of her palace, and the electricity completed its pathway into the deep reaches of the underground, having passed powerfully through the being Dehaljadrun.

The lightning, the clouds, and the flames all settled, having served their purpose of being the goddess' physical demonstration of anger, Dehaljadrun opened her eyes, a new spark residing there. If the upper gods had anything to do with her imprisonment, they would soon have to answer to her. She would make absolute sure of it.

Truth told, Evan hadn't thought much of this part of the process of opening and walking through the portal. His mind was already projecting forward, wondering whether Mizu would be pissed or impressed or both once she understood what he'd done. Wondering what the fuck his commander and the goddess would even end up discussing.

But he felt his attention yanked back suddenly, violently, as he abruptly realized that stepping through the portal was in fact a huge fucking deal. He felt the goddess reaching for him, and he reached for her, panicked at the idea that she might not make it through; that they might become separate beings again so soon. He held as tightly to her presence as he could, trying to pull her along with him, but all at once she was gone, and Evan tumbled forward the rest of the way through the portal alone.

"FUUUCK!"

He landed on his hands and his knees with a loud, angry, devastated curse that quickly strung out into sobbing. His fingers gripped into the grass beneath him and he tore a fistful out to throw to the side along with the godsdamned talisman. His body shivered, quaking with pain and exhaustion and frustration and a depth of loneliness that Evan couldn't even have imagined before. He felt unbearably empty, and like a wave had just crashed him hard against cold, unforgiving rocks. He missed the pull of that flow that had been tugging at his attention, and he couldn't help choking up at the thought that he might never feel that again.

But, why shouldn't he feel it again? Evan grunted and sat back on his knees, wiping over his cheeks with his arm to brush tears away. Fuck, this wasn't that big of a setback, was it? Why the fuck was he so utterly distraught about this? So bringing the goddess through a portal wouldn't work right now, so what? In hindsight it probably made sense that it wouldn't, considering that Uranel had meant to trap her there. Maybe they were stupid for even trying. Anyway, there were other things they could try, and it wasn't like he wouldn't see her again the next fucking night.

For now, he should probably go tell Mizu he was back, and go get those godsdamned burns looked at.

The captain pushed himself to his feet, and finally got around to taking in his surroundings. Seemed like the portal had deposited him in the clearing outside the crone's cabin, which colored the captain's cheeks with embarrassment at the thought that she'd overheard his sobbing. He picked up the talisman and then turned and left quickly, really not wanting to deal with that possibility, and headed back towards camp.

Along the way he decided that maybe the infirmary was actually the better first stop, both for the sake of actually getting his body taken care of, as best they could, and for the sake of checking in on the enthralled soldiers. Didn't want to go reporting to Mizu that he'd gotten another one back and then turn out to be wrong about it. Not that he really anticipated foul play from the goddess right now--if anything, he might weirdly understand if she didn't get to it after what had just happened--but he still wanted to make sure he didn't say anything to Mizu that wasn't true, and he wanted to know what kind of footing he'd have with her before reporting in, even if they'd (hopefully) save the detailed report for after he got some fucking sleep.

He was sure to put on his grumpy-unapproachable posture as he entered camp, though he also couldn't entirely hide the fact that he was pretty badly injured from anyone who cared to take a second glance.

((OOC: He could of course be intercepted on his way to the infirmary tent, and/or Mizu could be in the infirmary tent, or we could just let him talk to their healer in peace lol. If we wanna just let him talk to the healer in peace we could handwave that and have me continue on to him going to let Mizu know he's back, just need to know whether the next soldier is awake again or not for that option. Tho if the next soldier is awake, it might be worth having at least a brief exchange there, especially if now Evan recognizes him lol))

The problem with having decided that she was going to take on the upper gods in whatever role they might have played was that she was still, of course, trapped in her realm with no way to contact them. She could think of a few ways to get creative just to see if it would work--wiping out the fae court immediately came to mind--but she wasn't sure she could justify that sort of loss of life on a hunch that the upper gods would be upset. After all, they seemed to keep their hands clean of such matters if the situation in the human realm was anything to go by. Fuck, if she could just move freely between the realms... Ugh.

While the lightning display she had just made might not have been enough to get the upper gods' attention, she had some ideas about what would, though it would take time. Really, she reminded herself, she wasn't even sure that they did play a role in all this, and putting that much effort into a plan that might become relevant seemed problematic at best. But, on the other hand, she would give herself more power in the process, and that wasn't nothing.

She went into her palace and looked frantically around for supplies, ready to head into the forest. She clothed herself in her travel wear, a thick cloak wrapped around her torso and her black long pants, and gathered a few things into the pouch she kept her extra portals in, mindful to replace the emergency one she had given Evan...

Fuck, he had one of her portals. Great. Lovely to know that he could just waltz on in whenever he godsdamned well pleased, though it was anyone's guess if he would use it correctly. She decided to set that concern aside for the moment as she grabbed a few more things, shoved them in the pouch, and prepared to leave the palace. Looking at the stairs where they had rolled over each other made Dehaljadrun grab at her chest momentarily, her body unable to move for a moment. Angry and with warm tears flowing out of her eyes, she began to storm out, but then the thralls began returning.

She nearly screamed at them to leave once more, but she calmed and comported herself, wiping tears from her face gracefully. She looked at the three thralls she still had from Evan's camp and motioned for the Shel'ti thralls to move deeper into the palace area. Their presence forced the goddess to remember that she had promised to let one of them go. With everything that had happened, Dehaljadrun was tempted not to allow it--if Evan wasn't going to make it to the underworld, then what was the fucking point?--but then she had a flash of a memory when her dragon had nudged the rock toward Evan, and she knew that she was bound to her agreement.

The goddess surveyed the three thralls--the small one, the dark one, and... Philip. He was tall and muscular, and Dehaljadrun couldn't help but think fondly back to the dream where she had enthralled him, although she had to shake off the memory of the woman who had split from her there. How obedient he had been, how little he had fought her once he was down. She could feel even now his loyalty and drive to please her, ready even beyond the other thralls to receive her command.

She approached him, appreciative that he was just barely taller than her, and she placed both her hands on his hips before pulling him to her, allowing his hands to wash over her body in some distant resemblance of comfort. After a moment of that, she pushed him back into line, reached around his head and untied the blindfold material, saying with a velvety voice, "I release you" before she caressed one side of his jaw and gently placed her lips on one cheek. Mere seconds after that, the enthralled version of him was gone, leaving Dehaljadrun with yet more emptiness.

((OOC: He's probably going to wake up in the middle of Evan getting his wounds treated, but he won't be awake when Evan gets there. Also, he's going to be able to remember everything; it might just be a little difficult to access at first, and it will likely come back to him in pieces.))

Evan told the healer matter of factly that he'd been burned, and grumpily deflected any questions that came up as to how. At least the healer knew Evan was involved in something secret, and didn't press.

The healer had gotten Evan to strip and lay on a cot so he could fully get at the captain's wounds to clean them. It wouldn't have been an issue--it wasn't like Evan was known for his modesty--but right now he was still so fucking frustrated and aroused that his dick couldn't help responding to the soldier's touches, even though most of them fucking hurt, considering. Mercifully, the soldier seemed uninterested in making a deal out of it, though Evan was sure he had to have noticed.

Whatever awkwardness and embarrassment Evan was already feeling doubled down when he heard one of the other shoulders groaning softly. He turned his head to look, and his eyes watched in a dim horror as Philip slowly sat up. Fuck, wasn't it supposed to be the other soldier's turn? Not that the other soldier wouldn't have been its own sort of awkward, but Philip-- well, of fucking course the goddess decided to send him back next.

Evan pushed the healer aside and sat up, collecting the sheet from the foot of the cot and pulling it over his leg and into his lap to afford himself a sliver of modesty as he looked directly at Philip, who was really just starting to get a bearing on his surroundings.

"Captain, I still need to bandage--"

"Just hang on," Evan said sharply, holding a hand up to cut the healer off while he kept his eyes on Philip. By now Philip was looking at Evan, his expression just as inscrutable as ever.

"What do you remember?" Evan pressed. Maybe being so blunt would backfire, but he wanted to know where he and Philip stood right now.

The lieutenant shifted his gaze just slightly to the side, his lips tensing in a subtle grimace.

"I--" Philip started to speak, but hesitated. Evan was both literally and figuratively on the edge of his seat, while the healer watched on a little confused. "I'm not sure. What happened?"

Evan narrowed his gaze as he looked at Philip, trying to decide whether the lieutenant was just trying to weasel out of admitting anything. For what it was worth, though, the lieutenant's discomfort didn't seem directed at Evan specifically, so maybe he didn't remember that. Evan had extremely mixed feelings about that possibility, but settled on relieved for now.

"It's a long story, and I'm spent." Evan replied tersely and motioned for the healer to resume what he was doing, which was clearly a relief to the soldier as he hastily got back to work

Philip blinked at Evan for a moment, and then away, running his hand slowly through his hair while he tried to keep collecting himself. What... did he remember? Did he want to remember?

The lieutenant turned his gaze over the soldiers on either side of him. Their presences felt... familiar. It made sense that Nathan's would, but Philip knew that wasn't why. They'd been in the same place; Philip knew that much. He frowned, and let his brow furrow. If he was going to remember what had happened, he didn't want to remember it here. He reached over and rested a hand on Nathan's cot near the boy's shoulder, and then pushed himself slowly to his feet.

"Are you feeling all right, lieutenant?" the healer spoke up nervously. He didn't want to stop bandaging Evan, but he also wasn't sure about just leaving Philip alone after he'd been unconscious for four days.

Philip turned around to face the healer--and promptly made sure his eyes didn't land anywhere inappropriate on Evan in the process. He nodded hesitantly.

"I should go check in with Captain Bronwen."

The healer pivoted slightly, pausing what he was doing with Evan to take a good look at Philip. The lieutenant seemed to be standing steadily, and his complexion looked healthy enough, all things considered. But...

"You may want to wash up and change," the healer hesitantly offered, trying to put it delicately. Philip's cheeks gained a slight shade of pink, but if anything the healer thought that seemed even healthier.

"Yes," Philip said a little bit hastily, "I'll do that."

Evan rolled his eyes, but was just as glad to hear Philip leaving the tent and for the healer to get back to finishing up with Evan.

"I'll go report to the commander after this," Evan told the healer, sensing his pensiveness about the situation, "and I'll tell her Lieutenant Pemberley's awake." The healer nodded and relaxed a little as he finished his work, and then stood and turned to check on the other two soldiers, mostly to give Evan some privacy.

"Thanks," Evan said a bit awkwardly once he was dressed, and then hastily dipped out of the tent himself to go check in with Mizu. It was tempting just to go straight to his own tent and pass the fuck out, but he was determined not to give his commander any call to say he was slacking.

While the conversation with Yukiko--Captain Fujiwara--had bolstered Mizu considerably, she had immense difficulty keeping her mind from spinning up on the cosmic-level changes happening around her and by her. When she had decided to fight the king and his corruption, she never imagined she would also be taking on the hierarchy of the gods.

But, then again, if she had known about that when she made the decision, wouldn't she still have decided on the side of justice? Yes...yes, she would have. So what made that any different than now?

Though she would talk to the rest of the captains about it in the morning--or afternoon since they would probably need for Evan to rest for the meeting--Mizu began packing and preparing what she could to move the camp without drawing suspicion. That done to the best of her current ability, she decided to get some much-needed rest. She had had many restless nights in a row, and other than the moment when she fell unconscious somehow in the infirmary tent, she hadn't felt as though she had gotten much deep sleep.

The commander rested on her cot for a dark, dreamless four hours, awakening once long before dawn approached. She sighed and rolled over, though she was wide awake. This is all worth it, she told herself. Someone has to do this. With that comfort, Mizu fell back asleep for another two hours, though she was fully dressed and ready for whatever the following day would bring long before the sun appeared above the forest, and she busied herself with studying the map for possible locations to move the camp next.

Evan started his beeline for Mizu's tent hastily, but slowed as he approached. The adrenaline that had been powering him through everything was running thin, and it was increasingly tempting to just turn around and head back to his own tent to sleep, though he also wasn't entirely sure why he was dragging his feet on this even if he was tired. It wasn't like he had any reason to think Mizu would make this painful; she'd certainly let him off easy when the goddess had deposited him in her tent the night before, when really she had far less reason to then than she did today.

Evan shook his head and rubbed at his hair, trying to regather his resolve along with the last remnants of energy he still had access to.

"Permission to enter, commander?"

At the sound of Evan's voice, Mizu looked abruptly up from the table, a spike of sensation hurtling through her stomach. Finally, he was back. Thank the gods--ugh--he didn't make her wait much past dawn. And though, even from the sound of his voice, she could tell he was exhausted, she was grateful to at least know he had made it through another night with the goddess. He hadn't run off, and Mizu didn't have to worry about whether he was still alive.

"Granted, captain," Mizu said emotionlessly. She did not move to get up from the map table even as Evan came in, although she was staring directly at him.

Evan took a deep breath and stepped inside, and the raggedness of his body was apparent straight away. He held himself more carefully than usual, his gate almost delicate as he took a few steps towards the map table, and his expression unable to hide a wince or two. He settled into a guarded but respectful stance to give his report.

"Tonight I secured another of our soldiers, learned more about the goddess' situation and her previous relationship with the king, and confirmed her willingness to speak with you directly."

Ah, Evan finally realized why he was more nervous today: he was starting out defensive. Yesterday, there had at least been a chance Mizu would see the value in his behavior, but she'd made it clear he was on thin ice. Here was hoping he'd be able to gain back at least some of that ground today.

"Lieutenant Pemberley is awake, and I believe went to check in with Captain Bronwen. I'd rather save the rest of the details until after I sleep, unless there are specific questions you need answered now."

The commander listened through everything Evan said with a stoic face as she assessed the situation. The news was all good--what they could hope for in the very least--but it was broad, general; he would obviously share more later. In all honesty, Evan's physical condition told a much more detailed story.

Evan was holding himself as though he had been injured in battle, and there was a gruff melancholy about him that she couldn't entirely chock up to lack of sleep. He was obviously exhausted, and there clearly was a wound of some kind--Mizu was sure she could see bandages bulging from under his shirt.

At least he is taking care of himself. Must have visited the infirmary first this time around.

A brief silence hung in the air as Mizu considered her options. She didn't want to push Evan further than he had already gone, and he had done practically everything she had asked of him--except negotiate for the Shel'ti, but... they needed to focus on the victories here. And, most importantly, she needed Evan rested and ready to deliver the information to the rest of the captains later this afternoon. Was there anything she wanted to ask Evan now while they were alone?

"Only one," Mizu finally said, her eyes momentarily moving off Evan before returning to meet his gaze again. "How long until you're in battle-ready condition?" It was the closest she could manage to asking if he was all right. She knew he clearly wasn't, but... She inwardly shook off the impulse to clarify her question, assuring her that Evan absolutely signed up to play this role, and she needed to let him face the consequences of that choice on his own.