Written Wonderland

Evan grinned nearly ear-to-ear as Xavier rattled off his questions.

"The goddess is a dragon," he said excitedly once the lieutenant slowed down, "or, at least, she can turn into one. It was-- really wild, to experience. I guess it was like the pictures in books, but way more vibrant. Kind of obviously, I guess. And, yeah, it was like I heard her voice in my mind, now that you mention it. She flew me all over her realm, even above the clouds. Definitely the highlight of the evening."

His body felt lighter just talking about it, his skin abuzz with the memory of the shimmering static he'd felt in his nerves throughout the ride. With that came a flood of arousal, rather suddenly unleashed by this dip back into the happier parts of the evening. It brought his attention back to Xavier's proximity, revisited memories of wrestling with Xavier the previous day; of kissing him, and their bodies coming together...

Evan's expression went through so many changes from excitement to something mischievous to something more awkward to something nearly melancholy, all entirely too quickly.

"Sorry to totally jump topics," he said a little sheepishly as he rubbed at his hair, "But... you're okay after yesterday, right?"

It felt stupid to need that reassurance when Xavier was literally sitting next to him on his cot, leaning against his leg and acting perfectly normally. And, not to mention, he could just kiss the boy or some shit, rather than awkwardly-as-fuck asking for verbal reassurance, but Evan was feeling rather more cautious than usual, for several different reasons. Nonetheless, his cheeks reddened with embarrassment, and his brain was already trying to think of ways to hastily change the topic again if Xavier didn't seem to appreciate going down this path.

Xavier measured Evan's words in his mind. The goddess was a dragon. So, shapeshifting deity, then? That explains the... Xavier colored at the thought. He tried to regain some amount of composure as Evan answered the rest of Xavier's questions, and he ached to know what being that high up would feel like. Clouds below him! Could he even imagine? And to see the goddess' realm from up there... It was nothing short of magical to think about.

But then Evan's facial expressions started shifting nearly as quickly as Xavier's own, and Xavier knew something was up. After Evan asked his question, Xavier thought of several methods of response, shrugged off the obvious ones, and made a snap decision.

Starting from the middle of one of Evan's calves, Xavier put two fingertips down on Evan's legs, still partially obscured by the bedding. He started to say, in a rather sing-song voice, "I'm okay..." As he did so, his fingers began dancing--buh-dum, buh-dum, buh-dum--up Evan's leg. By the time Xavier's fingers got up to Evan's mid-thigh, Xavier suddenly stopped, looked up, and met Evan's eyes. "...are you okay?" He said it with an undeniable grin as though he already knew the answer.

Evan was relieved that Xavier's initial response was touching his leg even more deliberately, and replying in a sing-song voice. That all seemed good, though it didn't totally alleviate the anxiety swirling in Evan's gut.

Before Evan quite realised it, he was leaning forward to set his hand on Xavier's knee, mirroring the playful dance of the boy's fingers with a firm, steady approach of his own, his breath nearly escaping him as Xavier lifted his gaze to meet Evan's, their faces now tantalizingly close. It was so, so tempting to kiss the boy, but Xavier's question rang almost alarmingly in Evan's head.

Was he okay?

His cock was certainly at attention by now, elated that Xavier's hand was so close, his body so within Evan's reach. But his gut was an absolute mess of something terribly chaotic, to say nothing of the all-too-many nerves in his body that scratched at his attention with their pain, and the myriad of memories that threatened to surface if he looked too closely.

Evan's eyes looked at Xavier with longing and sadness, and his fingers dug in a bit where they rested on the boy's thigh.

It certainly crossed his mind to just fess up--tell Xavier that, no, he didn't seem to be okay. But that didn't seem fair to Xavier. He hadn't done anything wrong, and Evan did want this.

Fuck. Yes. Of course he wanted this. Fuck whatever else was happening; he'd set it aside and look at it later. The captain shook his head, brightened his grin, and brought his other hand up into Xavier's hair to finally pull the lieutenant into a determined, ferocious kiss.

Excited alarm bells started going off as Evan started touching Xavier's leg, but they were momentarily silenced by the expression on Evan's face. What was that? Concern? Hurt? Xavier thought that there was a hint of something else--desire, he hoped--but wasn't fully sure if he could trust it. And then Evan's fingers pressed into Xavier's thigh, and his breath escaped his mouth rapidly, unsure what to expect but feeling like this was going somewhere. The weight of Evan's fingers seemed different somehow, like there was both a ferocity and a dull buzzing behind them. Well, whatever it was, it felt great, and Xavier--for the absolute life of himself--could not help but let his eyes roll back in his head for a moment.

By the time he had righted himself, Evan had a grin back on his face and suddenly there were fingers in Xavier's hair and Evan's lips forming to his own. How did this feel so much sweeter and more intense than before? It had felt so much like a dream, then, when Dehaljadrun was near his body. This was blissfully, thrillingly real, and Xavier clung to the thought that Evan had specifically bargained for his safety. It would just be the two of them sharing these blissfully private moments, sitting on top of Evan's cot.

The light buzzing sensation was definitely more intense in the kiss but was still subtle, and Xavier returned Evan's ferocity, darting away and then back into Evan's lips as though to taste each corner one at a time. The tip of his tongue explored the very edges of where Evan's lips and his lips met, unable to stop himself as his hand found the back of Evan's neck and hung there. Meanwhile his other hand rubbed excitedly along Evan's neckline, his hand moving down past one of Evan's nipples, getting closer and closer toward where the bedding covered Evan as Xavier leaned in, reaching his body over Evan's as though he might land on top of him... at least, before Xavier felt extra padding he wasn't expecting. His fingers searched along the edge of Evan's bandage lightly before realizing what it was and pulling abruptly out of their delicious kiss.

"Evan! You're hurt!" Xavier looked startled and a little concerned that he had only made things worse. He casually turned his head and wiped his mouth before turning back to Evan with two raised eyebrows. He couldn't hold that expression for long, though, as a wave of pleasure and bliss swayed Xavier's body so much he had trouble sitting up, and he leaned forward slightly, one forearm pressing against the bulge in his pants.

Evan was elated by Xavier's enthusiasm, his own lips parting and closing and pulling back and darting in to dance with the lieutenant's. His tongue snaked out to meet Xavier's when his started exploring, while the hand in Xavier's hair tightened its grip and the other hand smoothed its way up the boy's leg and hip towards his belt. Some part of Evan's mind wondered if this was entirely too irresponsible--he did need to actually get to that meeting, and it would be a bit embarrassing if someone came to get him in this state. But, maybe they could be quick... assuming Xavier even wanted to go much further, anyway...

Evan's heart sank with that thought when Xavier pulled out of the kiss, and he hastily pulled his hands back away from the lieutenant to be sure he wasn't being inappropriate. He was surprised, then, when the next words out of Xavier's mouth were exclaiming that Evan was hurt.

The captain had nearly managed to forget about that for a moment. It was honestly easy amidst the joyous, electric elation of kissing Xavier and the pulsing, ecstatic anticipation emanating from the bulge in his pants, which was resonating loudly with the bulge in Xavier's.

"Uh, oh, yeah..." The captain said a bit flusteredly, his eyes drawn over Xavier's body as the boy swayed in front of him. He wondered if he should explain, but to be honest, he really didn't want to, for a couple different reasons, not the least of which was simply time. "I'll be fine."

Almost before he finished speaking, the captain shifted up and forward onto his knees, fully intending to pounce Xavier down onto the cot and seal their lips in another kiss, ideally while settling his knee against the boy's bulge. Sure, Evan's body hurt, but at the immediate moment, it was just a constant background hum, at most reminding him of just how fucking frustrated he was, which only served to strengthen the magnetic pull of his body towards Xavier's.

Xavier pulled himself out of his lean to pay attention to what Evan was saying, though it was hard to sit up. He expected Evan to make some explanation, to tell him of some terrible thing the goddess had done to him, and he had just about given up on the possibility that things would continue with Evan now, but then he shifted onto his knees and made motions as though to push Xavier back on the cot. Xavier didn't have much time to react, especially since Evan had started moving even before all the words were out of his mouth, but he wasn't sure he would have wanted to even if he did. As Evan's lips crashed down again on Xavier's, his whole body lurched up toward Evan, the buzzing on Evan's skin elevated further.

The lieutenant was all-to-thrilled to discover the pressure Evan's knee was putting in between Xavier's legs. His desire was swelling in him, washing through his body rapidly, and he found no purchase on why he should avoid it or hold it back. Sure, Evan had a meeting soon, but... they had time, right? Time to do more than this, at least. Please. An hour was a long time. Right?

Xavier's hands moved across the skin of Evan's back, relishing in the sensation, the warmth and tingling of him immensely pleasurable. He couldn't stop passing his hands over Evan in two wide arcs and loops, pulling Evan closer in the process. He wanted Evan's body weight against him, on top of him, and gods almighty did he want all his clothes off.

Breaking away from Evan's kiss so he could concentrate, Xavier bit his won tongue lightly and wrapped his legs around Evan so that both his feet could work on his boots, which were almost always loose anyway. He couldn't be bothered to lace them up all the way every time he put them on.

After a moment, he had gotten both shoes off using his feet and returned enthusiastically to the kiss, though that still left the matter of the rest of his clothing to deal with. Moving the leg that was between Evan's legs to the outside of Evan, Xavier contented himself with the fact that his legs were wrapped around Evan--wrapped around his captain--pressing their hips together until a low, vibrating moan pulsed through their entangled lips.

Some part of Evan had been bracing for Xavier to protest, but instead the boy leaned into it--and gloriously so. The captain was grateful and so fucking happy to be able to discard that worry, Xavier's every little motion and breath and entanglement sending nothing to Evan other than pure elation about the direction this was headed. Fuck yes.

Evan let himself fully sink into just how good it felt to feel Xavier's hands on his skin, their lips dancing together, his knee pressed up against the lieutenant's arousal. When Xavier pulled out of the kiss Evan didn't skip a beat in moving his lips down the boy's jaw and onto his neck, while the hand not supporting his weight reached down between them to start undoing the boy's belt, and then the buttons on his pants after that, all the while his hips swaying excitedly and subtly oscillating the pressure his knee exerted between the boy's legs. He barely even registered what the boy was doing with his boots, though he absolutely registered Xavier moving his leg to fully wrap around Evan. Fuck yes fuck yes fuck yes.

Evan was just about to pull away--that agonizing step necessary for taking pants off, he lamented--but Xavier pulled him back into a kiss, and he couldn't find it in himself to break it just yet, especially not when their hips were swaying so fucking tantalizingly together. Evan did do what he could to wiggle Xavier's pants more open at the very least, mostly so that he could position himself so that the bulge in his own underwear could press against Xavier's on the beats when their hips both swayed closer together, separated now by only two thin sets of underwear and logistics that would have to be figured out later.

He both felt and heard Xavier's moan against his lips, and he couldn't help echoing it--louder, actually, and with even more dramatic vibrations. The intensity of his response managed to propel Evan out of the kiss, entirely because he craved to groan into the lieutenant's ear,

"Fuck yes... Xavier..."

From there his energy propelled him to nip at Xavier's earlobe, and then at his neck by the hinge of his jaw, and then finally to try to pry himself out of the lieutenant's legs enough to get rid of those goddamn pants.

Xavier breathed heavily every time Evan's lips found a new place of skin to explore, especially when Evan's hands started exploring down Xavier's hips in their haste to push Xavier's pants down and every time their cocks pressed and involuntarily moved together. How was he even still breathing? Xavier wasn't about to complain in the slightest, though his mind was attempting to catalog all the places where he was touching--skin against skin--with Evan. He was completely overloaded, and there was nothing in the world to stop him from allowing that all to continue.

Was there?

The thought echoed throughout Xavier's mind but was efficiently snuffed out again when Evan pulled out of the kiss--the vibrations of their collective moan still tingling Xavier's lips--and moved his warm, sensuous breath over to Xavier's ear. And what Xavier heard there only sent him deeper into confidence that Evan wanted this. Evan wanted him. Not the goddess wearing his body, not the goddess in his body, just him. All the messy, complicated bits included.

Fuck yes, Xavier. It echoed through his mind and plucked out something Evan said the previous day, the words twining together in Xavier's mental and physical bliss. I don't think I'm capable of only doing this once with you. Both of those statements and the fact that Evan's first comment about what had happened with the goddess was that he had negotiated for Xavier's own safety--nevermind the large scale consequences; there was plenty of time to question that later--spun together in Xavier's chest like ribbons of light, suddenly blooming out with an intensity he could not possibly had expected. Was it plausible and perhaps even probable that Evan might have feelings for him, too?

That thought, regardless of the actual reality of it--made all of Evan's touch so much sweeter and more intense. Xavier's body was so hungry for interaction with this man, and he could hardly keep track of anything else. The nips at his earlobe, neck, and jaw elicited quiet little delighted yelps, and Xavier oscillated between a grin and an open mouth of pleasure as Evan pulled back to slide Xavier's pants the rest of the way down. At first, he playfully held his legs around Evan, making him work for it a little, but he soon gave way, aching to feel Evan's touch across the skin of his own legs.

((OOC: Xavier might have squeezed his legs in such a way that hurt the wounds on Evan's sides if you think that's fun to play with.))

Evan had expected some resistance to pulling back, but he hadn't quite been braced for the exact way Xavier squeezed. The pressure lit up the nerves on his hips, fire running beneath his bandages and reigniting the pain and the rawness of the moment he'd received those burns. For half a second, all Evan could think about was the goddess' hands on him, searing his flesh, and then driving herself into him. Even just the memory of it burned his vision white, and drew an angry growl from his throat as his hand raised, suddenly recalling just how fucking good it had felt to slap the goddess in the face earlier in the evening.

But this wasn't the goddess.

"Fuck," Evan breathed as he caught himself, mortified about what he'd almost done.

He carried through disentangling from Xavier, but rather than pull down the boy's pants, he scooted back a touch and gathered his legs to sit cross-legged across from Xavier, his expression sheepish and apologetic and frustrated and not quite able to meet the boy's eyes.

"Maybe this is a bad idea right now." He mumbled, even though he fucking hated the idea of stopping. But, what would really happen, here, if they kept going? Evan's body was a mess, and he was on a hairtrigger about a million different things. He'd end up hurting Xavier, which was just about the last thing in the world that he wanted to do right now.

"Fuck," Evan mumbled again, and brought a hand up to rub at his forehead and cover his eyes.

"Sorry," he said with a bit of exasperation, "I'm real fucking bad at this shit even under normal circumstances."

Xavier had been so excited about all the proximity with Evan, all the ways in which Evan was lighting up his whole body, that it took him a moment, even after he registered that Evan just growled, and not really in a way that made Xavier feel warm and fuzzy. Evan had been about to take off Xavier's pants, right? Xavier opened his eyes to look at Evan's expression--a pained and furious expression--saw Evan's hand raise, and knew that Evan meant to hit him.

Xavier flinched, horrified, having a difficult time thinking what in the world might have triggered Evan's sudden change of mood. After Evan pulled away, Xavier's body cried out at the lack of stimulation, anxiety and loneliness clouding his blood stream. Had Xavier forced Evan to...? No, wait... hadn't Evan initiated things? But Xavier was the one who had waltzed into Evan's tent uninvited. Had he brought this on them both?

Then his eyes fell on Evan's bandages. With his naked body exposed and the bandages covering a large swath of him, Evan almost looked small on the other side of the bed, and Xavier realized at least part of what must have happened.

Xavier swung his legs off the cot and sat up, adjusting his pants so they were back to normal. This really was silly of him, to have wanted all this now. Why couldn't he have just waited until Evan was better? Why couldn't he just have waited until all the craziness with the goddess was over? Why couldn't he just have waited until Evan wasn't his captain anymore? Why couldn't he just have waited until the war was over?

Because Xavier could not call that much waiting living.

Still, knowing that did not make him feel better. He obscured his face with his hair, at the very least angry at himself for pushing Evan past what was a good idea with whatever was under those bandages, which Xavier really wished Evan would have just told him about. Then, Xavier got hit with a wave of fear. It was all well and fine that Evan got upset about Xavier hurting the bandaged area, but hitting him for it? Was that something that happened often? Xavier had never seen that kind of behavior in his captain before, and he couldn't help thinking that maybe the experiences with the goddess were changing him, and he wasn't sure that that was a good thing.

Then again, how well did Xavier really know Evan in the first place?

Then, as that doubt and fear settled on Xavier's mind, his body also reminded him exactly how close Xavier had been to giving everything to this man and rebelled against the idea that this might be the end of all that.

Despair gripped at Xavier's heart, but he lightened after he thought for a second and remembered that Evan had his meeting soon. Maybe that was all he meant by his comment? Still, Xavier had no idea what to think of the fact that Evan had almost hit him. It didn't make sense. It threatened Xavier's understanding of Evan, and everything he had hoped for shook as though prepared to crumble down. Maybe Xavier had been naive to think that he could handle Evan. Was he enough of a risk taker that he could ever keep up with Evan? Some part of him wanted to say yes, but Xavier was suspicious that that part of him had gotten him into this mess in the first place.

"Oh, um..." Xavier started to say, trying to recover himself and his facial expression before brushing his hair out of his face. "It's... I shouldn't have... I didn't really expect we would... I'm sorry if I hurt what's under the bandages."

Xavier stood up and reclaimed his boots. Putting them on made him feel a little less exposed.

"I'm not exactly... I don't have a lot of practice with... I should really probably just... go." Xavier's voice trembled on the last syllable, and tears welled up a little in his eyes. He looked over at Evan--half afraid of him, half sympathetic for him--for a moment but turned away and would be prepared to leave quickly if Evan didn't say something.