Written Wonderland

Novelty watched out of the corner of his eye with curiosity as Philip began reordering himself. As the lieutenant's hands reached Novelty's cheek, he turned to face the man better and softly exhaled against his hand, feeling Philip's other hand in Novelty's curls once more. And then, as though in response to what Novelty had said, the man kissed him, and Novelty's desire welled up again, ready and waiting to be claimed.

But, Novelty was careful not to get overexcited. He knew Philip had already reached some kind of satisfaction, and while it was possible that Philip wanted more, Novelty could not dismiss the sensation that Philip might not want things to go that direction again. Or perhaps Novelty did not want things to go that direction again. There was a welling up of anxiety in Novelty's throat as the tensions within his body fought with themselves, and he was somewhat absent from the kiss as a result, his lips not quite as attentive to the motions of Philip's.

...I can't get my hopes up now. Just be grateful that he's paying you any mind at all. He's a lieutenant, after all. And the man has experienced so much. Just let him be...

The thoughts raced through Novelty's mind relentlessly, and finally he pulled away from the kiss, looking down and feeling as though he would like to cry, but his eyes were stubbornly dry. He wanted to say something--he knew that, by now, Philip must be concerned, but he couldn't think of a way to disentangle his projections onto Philip from his own desire.

The spontaneous kiss in the tent had been so much easier than whatever they were doing--or not doing--now.

Finally, looking up at the man with a heavy dose of melancholy, Novelty said, "you're a good man, Philip."

Philip was sure that he'd felt a swell of excitement in Novelty when they kissed, but it ebbed quickly, leaving something feeling strangely absent from Novelty's lips. The soldier pulled away and Philip didn't stop him, anxiety starting to buzz once more within his stomach and tighten up his shoulders by his ears. Maybe he had misread something, gotten too arrogant with his intuition and stepped over something he shouldn't have. He clenched his hands into fists on his thighs, fighting back memories of shoving Evan down--and, the faintest, horrifying impulse to do the same to Novelty now.

After a heavy silence, Novelty finally returned his gaze to Philip, his eyes full of melancholy.

"You're a good man, Philip."

Somewhere in Philip's stomach, a muscle twitched in a faint echo of a dark, cynical laugh, but his expression remained grimly stoic. It was tempting once again to make a trite comment--I wouldn't be so sure came to mind--but that didn't serve Novelty, either. Philip looked down, forcing his muscles to relax slightly with a soft, controlled exhale of a sigh. He wanted to take a moment to think and try to clear his head before he replied. Something was going on with Novelty, and he wanted to know what it was. Oh, impulses warred within him to give up and go back to camp or, conversely, to shove his way past whatever strange friction had built up inside of Novelty and get them back on the track they had been on, that surely Novelty wanted to get back to. But neither of those directions were towards connection, and, as he sat with these thoughts, he realized that was what he really craved, and what the goddess hadn't quite been able to give him. Oh, there had been a certain sort of connection he supposed--he'd certainly felt laid bare to her, each tiny bone in his body ever-humming with the thought of her touch, even while every regret and secret longing that he'd buried deep within him had rushed to the surface at her whim. But what of her? Sometimes, she'd let something of her guard down--around Nathan especially, he suspected--but only just.

Philip shook his head, trying to bring himself back into this forest with Novelty. He brought his dark blue eyes back up to the soldier, his expression a little bit pained but also open, his gaze refocusing on Novelty's shoulder and his neck and how his hair caught the dimming light that held on around them.

"And you are brave," he said, letting the words fall from his lips before he had any idea what they would be. His body relaxed a bit more as his own voice hit his ears, his fingers uncurling from their fists to lay restfully on his knees. His brow did draw together slightly as he met Novelty's gaze directly, but it looked more hopeful than worried--though, worry was still certainly there.

"Thank you," he said earnestly, allowing the warmth of the sentiment to bloom in his chest. He thought about elaborating, but the words dissipated just as quickly as they tried to form, and so Philip instead allowed silence to sparkle with the fading remnants of twilight in the air around them.

Novelty's chest squeezed in from all sides, his breath a quiet, uncomfortable labor. There were so many things he wanted tonight--the soft caress of this man's callused hands, the reciprocation of what Novelty had done to Philip while on his knees, the bittersweet moment of taking in a man's length for the first time--but Novelty was so ridiculously unsure of what would be okay with Philip in this moment that the soldier was frozen in inaction, and Philip's silence was doing nothing to alleviate the Novelty's discomfort.

Finally, Philip said, and you are brave, which at least managed to remind Novelty of who he was, or was trying to be. And, he certainty was brave or, at minimum, impulsive in calculated ways. He had spontaneously kissed Philip in the man's tent after all. And Novelty had always been good at initiating.

The soldier smiled slightly, rolling Philip's words over in his mind like a cool breeze. Some of the melancholy in his chest loosened.

Thank you.

Novelty let that stand in the air in a moment before he made any decisions. He didn't want to go back to camp, and so it seemed the only path forward was to simply be vulnerable and honest with Philip here, now.

With a sigh and a light chuckle, "You know, this afternoon, before I had any idea we were sending anyone to a goddess... I was hoping to seek solace in... physical company. I had no idea that would inadvertently lead me here, with you." Novelty paused for a moment, thinking of the time he spent listening to whomever had been in Rutliff's tent, which only added fuel to the fire burning within him. "In the absence of something with longevity, a break in the solitude can be... divine."

Novelty wasn't altogether sure where he was going with this, but he found himself wanting to keep talking to Philip, quickly before his throat closed up again.

"Who can say what will happen tomorrow night, but..." Novelty inhaled, summoning some of that bravery, "maybe this is more than a break from solitude." Novelty looked at Philip and reached up to gently cup one side of Philip's face. "Or, at least, I can't help myself from wanting it to be." Novelty's small smile fell entirely, and he pulled his hand away, looking off into the distance, away from Philip. "I want... everything. It's irrational and certainly fueled by... by the instincts of my body, but..."

Novelty looked at Philip, finally exasperated by the pressure around his throat that had finally made it too difficult to get more words out.

Philip watched Novelty contemplate his words, relieved to see a smile on the soldier's expression as he thought. Finally, Novelty sighed, and with a light chuckle, began to speak.

"You know, this afternoon, before I had any idea we were sending anyone to a goddess... I was hoping to seek solace in... physical company. I had no idea that would inadvertently lead me here, with you."

Philip was relieved that Novelty was opening up, but at the same time, embarrassed by his words. He was grateful for the darkness that was settling in, camouflaging whatever color his cheeks might have turned. Suddenly the kiss that Novelty had stolen in his tent felt different, and for a moment it made Philip uncomfortable--that it had contained a longing that wasn't for him, he supposed--but as he truly brought the memory back up, that didn't actually feel true. Novelty had come to speak with him with an earnest curiosity, and he had expressed such glee, in the moment, and in recounting it earlier in their walk. And really, to think that the soldier had such earnestness and glee above whatever carnal desires were also in him... that thought made Philip feel warm and excited, a fresh spark lighting up between his hips.

"In the absence of something with longevity, a break in the solitude can be... divine."

Philip's hand pressed itself against his chest without thought, rubbing at something painful there. His other hand curled back into a fist on his leg. There was so much melancholy all of a sudden, swirling above that fresh spark and threatening to boil over. Maybe even anger. His eyes looked down at the grass, ashamed of the emotions within him. He didn't understand why they were there, other than the brief flashes of the goddess that tugged at his periphery. He didn't want to look at her right now.

"Who can say what will happen tomorrow night, but... maybe this is more than a break from solitude."

Novelty placed his hand on Philip's cheek, and the lieutenant couldn't help tensing his body in surprise, but then he relaxed into it, gratitude calming the melancholy in his chest, and he was able to bring his eyes back up to Novelty, his expression wide and hopeful and, dare one say, young.

"Or, at least, I can't help myself from wanting it to be."

Novelty pulled away then, his smile fading as he looked off into the distance, and Philip nearly wilted. He felt simply awful at this, and worried that he was somehow only digging them deeper into despair. At least Novelty kept talking. Philip marveled at how he hung on to that.

"I want... everything. It's irrational and certainly fueled by... by the instincts of my body, but..."

Philip's gaze was riveted on the soldier, and he was both relieved and terrified when Novelty looked back at him again. Philip swallowed heavily, and then carefully, tentatively, allowed the hand on his chest to move towards Novelty, terrified by the uncertainty of where this instinct was taking him. His eyes were wide and scared, but steadfastly keeping Novelty's gaze, as his hand gently caressed two of its fingers down one side of Novelty's neck, following the muscle from his jaw down to his collar bone. Then, he repeated the gesture on the other side, and then gently pressed his palm over the center of Novelty's chest, the fear in his eyes slowly fading. Maybe... maybe he really could be trusted. Maybe without the goddess overriding his caution, he really could let his instincts guide him. It wasn't quite so terrifying a thought with his hand pressed to Novelty's chest like that. Then again, that wasn't where it wanted to stay.

Slowly--so, so slowly--Philip's hand smoothed down Novelty's center, the pressure of his palm subsiding to just the tips of his fingers as the angle of his touch changed. He still kept his gaze on Novelty, intent to catch every hint of expression he could still see, while he could still see it. He could feel the heartbeat in his own chest quicken, but he kept himself still, only allowing his hand to move. It made its way to Novelty's pants, fingers gently and slowly exploring the folds of fabric there, and the shape beneath them.

((OOC: Obvs, with Philip going super slow and paying super close attention, lmk if Novelty would have stopped him before that point, but he's uh, well, I guess, pretty confident right this moment? Or at least, his hand is lol.))

Novelty didn't know what he expected Philip to say back to his monologue. It had been a lot and included more than one personal admission, and yet the soldier remained hopeful that being vulnerable was the right answer for the situation. After all, what else was there to do?

The soldier watched Philip's throat as it bobbed with a swallow and was surprised to find Philip's hand reaching for Novelty's neck. An ache rushed up to meet the lieutenant's touch, and Novelty couldn't help the gasp that erupted from his lips, feeling as though Philip was dragging everything Novelty wanted in his life up to the surface to meet that moment of pressure. It was painful and nearly unbearable, but it also felt unreasonably good to imagine that such an ache felt seen. Like, maybe, somewhere, beneath Philip's sensation of duty and conflict with his previous relationship, Philip understood the type of loneliness Novelty felt. Or, he wanted to understand, and that was just as good, wasn't it?

But Philip's hand didn't just stay there. After repeating the gesture on the other side of Novelty's neck, it started drawing down the center line of Novelty's chest and stomach and past his belly button, and Novelty's ache traveled with it. Both sensations travelled down and down and down until Philip's hand went beyond the top line of Novelty's pants and ventured even further as the ache from Novelty's chest and the pent-up energy from the earlier portions of the day met in a collision of sensation that sent waves upon waves of cresting desire through Novelty. Though he had been using his stomach muscles and occasionally one hand to hold himself upright, both lost their ability to keep him that way, and he fell somewhat gracelessly to his elbows, his hips helplessly thrusting a couple times while the rest of him shivered--and not from the chill that had settled in now that the darkness surrounded them. Novelty cried out--not quietly but not loudly either--and blushed profusely. He couldn't help being disappointed to some degree that Philip wouldn't be able to tell. He didn't want Philip to think... to assume... what, exactly? That Novelty was something of a slut? Hadn't he indirectly admitted that earlier? And why did that matter at all now?

Novelty looked at Philip with large, pleading eyes, though his brows were raised and pulled together. Finally, he closed his eyes and allowed himself to sink into Philip's explorations.

"Please..." Novelty said breathlessly once he had coaxed stillness back into his body, "...don't stop."

Philip was cautiously pleased with the magnetism he felt where his fingers grazed down Novelty's body. When his touch finally ventured into explicit territory, Novelty all but collapsed back onto his elbows, hips rolling with a desire that coursed up through Philip's arm and warmed him head to toe. Novelty cried out, sending tingles over Philip's skin, and the lieutenant let out a soft breath that he hadn't realized he'd been holding, finally allowing his confidence to bloom.

"Please..." Novelty pleaded breathlessly, "...don't stop."

Pleasure and satisfaction rolled through Philip's body as he leaned forward on his knees. The new angle allowed him to once more press his palm against Novelty, this time cupping the bulge in the soldier's pants, and his free hand moved from his own leg to caress over Novelty’s inner thigh. Some echo of shame did ring out in his mind--that this was vulgar, was he was doing--but he could see in the glint of Novelty's eyes in the moonlight how much he wanted this. And if they both wanted this… what did vulgarity matter, truly? Was it not also beautiful?

Philip’s hands joined together over Novelty’s groin, and he began to undo the soldier’s belt. He did so slowly, not wanting to rush, and also relishing the ways that Novelty’s body responded to the gentle tugs that Philip’s motions produced.

Novelty watched as Philip adjusted onto his knees. The soldier grew afraid momentarily that it was the beginning of Philip pulling away, but instead, Novelty felt more surface area of pressure against his erection inside his pants as Philip's whole palm made contact. Novelty wanted to grab Philip and pull him closer, press their lips together once more, but Philip was just out of reach, and Novelty's hips pressed up against Philip's palm instead, eliciting another moan.

Should he stop Philip from further betraying whatever vows he had made to his betrothed? No, the time for that had long since passed, and they were both destined for the goddess regardless. There was little to do but open the channels of this moment as wide as they would go and see what the evening had in store.

So, when Philip's hands came together to pull at Novelty's belt, Novelty gasped but did not make any move to prevent it from happening. If this was to be their last night in this world, let it be, itself, divine.

As Philip undid the strap, tugging gently and patiently, gauging Novelty's responses at each step of the way, a blooming filled Novelty's chest. He didn't believe he had ever been with anyone sexually who had been this careful with him. And, all that even after Novelty had nearly clammed up completely. Perhaps it was simply that Philip had done terrible things to Evan and was being extra careful, but Novelty couldn't believe that was the only reason. The soldier honestly wanted to cry. He wanted Philip to take him into his arms, trousers open and perhaps even completely naked while he grasped onto the man and cried. It was simply too exciting and beautiful and inexplicably painful to bear, these feelings within him.

And, finally, when Novelty's belt was fully unbuckled, the soldier did act, holding one of Philip's hands in its present position lest Philip think Novelty was trying to stop him and slid himself a little further underneath Philip so Novelty could lift his shoulders off the ground and kiss the man passionately. It was clear then that Novelty had been crying as there was suddenly moisture between their faces as Novelty's lips moved hungrily over Philip's.

"I'm not afraid of you, Philip," Novelty said, surprising himself, between kisses, "I'm not at all afraid of you." Not sexually, at least, Novelty couldn't help himself from thinking.

Novelty gasped as Philip tugged at his belt, and the sound sent elated shivers down Philip's back. Truthfully, the feeling of vulgarity was fading, dwarfed by the dawning sensation that this was in fact divine. The sounds that Novelty made and the way his body shuddered was too beautiful to be anything else, and so, too, then, must Philip's own actions be beautiful, to be eliciting such wonder. He felt emotion tightening the back of his throat, but he had no desire to stop his motions to indulge it. He swallowed it down as he finished unbuckling Novelty's belt, focusing instead on the swell of excitement in his gut as he turned his mind to unbuttoning the soldier's pants--but Novelty stopped him, or at least, grabbed hold of Philip's hand in a way that gave him pause.

Philip watched with some bewilderment as Novelty scooted towards him--beneath him, flaring up heat in Philip's own unbuckled pants before he'd even quite grasped what Novelty's motion was about. Then the soldier surprised him again by leaning up from the ground to kiss him, sending that emotion in Philip's throat swirling about through his chest. Especially when he realized that he tasted salt, that tears were present on Novelty's face. Gods, he felt terrified that he'd missed such a thing in the dark, but the soldier was kissing him so passionately...

"I'm not afraid of you," Novelty said between kisses, and Philip's beath hitched as his throat swelled and trembled. "I'm not at all afraid of you."

Tears spilled over Philip's own eyes, and quiet sobs echoed from his lips in the moments where his and Novelty's parted. He rubbed at Novelty's erection through his pants, his hands not coordinated enough in the moment to see to the buttons but certainly needing to do something.

"Novelty..." he finally managed to murmur the soldier's name between kisses, the very sound of it sending butterflies through his stomach. It certainly seemed an apt name at this moment, as Philip of all people exchanged intimacies with a man he'd just met hours prior, acquainting himself with someone's body not in a marriage bed but here on the forest floor. It was not a scene he'd have ever imagined for himself, and he may have never felt more free.

At long last, he started to get a hold of himself, and he began to trail his kisses across Novelty's jaw and down his neck, while his fingers deftly tackled the buttons on Novelty's pants.

Novelty felt Philip's sobs in his mouth, but the joining of their tears only made the soldier all the more sure that this was what he wanted. Philip's hands worked over and again across Novelty's bulge, and the soldier was sure that Philip could feel the throbbing pulse of it with each motion. Novelty's nether regions felt squeezed in anticipation, and he wanted to be naked on this forest floor underneath this man in whatever capacity Philip would have him.

Philip said the soldier's name amidst their frantic kissing, and Novelty felt the thrill of it in his toes. He wanted to go on giving Philip reasons to say his name in exactly that tone. As Philip's sobs quieted, the man pulled away only to pay Novelty's jaw and neck attention, and Novelty tilted his head to get the most out of the sensations. Meanwhile, Philip's fingers moved over Novelty's buttons, one by one loosening the pressure in Novelty's pants, which only made the soldier all the more eager for something--anything--to touch him there directly.

Short of guiding Philip's hands directly there, Novelty could think of nothing to do to urge on whatever would happen next, and perhaps that was all right. Novelty was eager to see what Philip would do of his own accord, what he had in mind for this tryst in the woods. Still, Novelty couldn't help the fact that his own hands slid down his loose trousers a few inches, just enough so a glint of white-blond hair shone in the moonlight. The air was chill against Novelty's otherwise warm skin, but he slid his hands up and down Philip's muscular arms and took warmth from there.

Once Philip got through the last of the buttons on Novelty's pants, he marveled when the soldier slid the fabric down just enough for his pubic hair to glint in the moonlight. Of course it made sense that Novelty wanted his pants off--it wasn't as though Philip's gestures weren't perfectly clear in their directionality--but somehow, the proactive nature of the motion did send an elated splash of astonishment through Philip's chest, like some part of him still hadn't believed until that moment that Novelty truly wanted this. Novelty left the rest to Philip, but he wasn't about to complain about that; the soldier's hands instead rubbed up and down Philip's arms, and Philip felt a small bit of pride, allowing himself awareness that he was a bit more muscular even than the average soldier, and that Novelty seemed to be enjoying that. It wasn't a kind of vanity that Philip allowed himself to indulge in often, but here, now, amidst all this, why not?

Moving to ensure Novelty retained easy access to his arms, Philip gently pulled Novelty's pants a little father down his hips, and then slid one hand down into the soldier's underwear. He paused as he felt Novelty's length in his hand, swollen and dare he say pulsing. The sensation of vulgarity bloomed again, but so did a thrilling excitement. Philip pressed his palm against Novelty's shaft and circled his fingers around it, and gently squeezed, eagerly looking and listening and feeling for every response from Novelty that he could take in. He felt like he held the soldier in his entirety in the palm of his hand, and he felt deeply honored by that. It still seemed so surreal, that this soldier had sought Philip out for council and given him this trust, even after Philip had confessed, albeit obtusely, to being untrustworthy. But he was grateful for a second chance.

After a moment he released the pressure of Novelty's length, and then gently squeezed it again, and released and squeezed again, interested by the ways he could feel blood flow and muscles twitch so potently in that one small part of Novelty's body. Then at last he cupped the soldier's length to pull it out of his underwear to gleam with his pubic hair in the moonlight. Philip moved his hands to Novelty's thighs to rub them up and down while he took in the sight with awe.