Evan couldn't help shuddering when the goddess' hand touched his neck and ran through his hair. He raised his eyes to her then, his gaze full of longing and nervousness. He took in the look on her face, surprised by what seemed to be awe at the sight of him, among other more painful things.
But then she said he didn't come through the portal, and he cast his eyes down again, frustration and embarrassment flinching through his body and his expression. I slept through it was an insufferably juvenile excuse, but it's what happened. He mentally fumbled over how he could possibly word it to convey just how godsdamned stupid he honestly felt, all while the goddess expressed that she had worried their agreement was off, that he--
Honestly, he was almost grateful for her strikes on his face, brutal though they were. He let his body move with them, making no attempt to avoid or retaliate. He absolutely deserved it. The way she said she shouldn't have listened to him fractured something in his chest. She did regret sharing his body the other day. It hadn't been worth it. He'd just goaded her into a stupid idea that caused needless suffering for them both. He sat still for a moment in the position her slaps had prodded him into--sitting with his legs crooked beneath him, his arms leaning against the ground to the opposite side. His shoulders trembled and his fingers curled into the grass. Then, something indignant flared in his gut, bubbling up into his chest to take the place of whatever had fractured.
"How was I supposed to know?" he snapped back as he twisted around to face her. He didn't hit her, but the way his shoulders moved as he shifted implied he almost certainly thought about it.
"You're the fucking deity here. I jumped straight from doubting that demons were a thing despite almost certainly having battled against something like, into summoning a goddess and flying on a dragon and carrying around a portal to another realm in my godsdamned pocket. And I'm supposed to know that sharing my body with you should be any more batshit than anything else?"
He... assumed that's what she was on about. It only occurred to him after he spoke that maybe she meant she shouldn't have listened to him about anything--their deal, helping to free her, any of it. But honestly, he was glad that wasn't where his mind had gone first, and he was determined not to go there unless she explicitly went there herself. He might have regrets about how the past day had gone, but he was still here, and he was still going to hold up his end of their bargain, and fuck her if she doubted that about him.
Part 1 (Start Reading Here)
Moderator: On Dreams And Desire
Re: Part 1
It nearly broke her how much he didn't fight her ferocity, but it didn't stop her from completing the motions in the slightest. Anxiety shot up through her when she thought Evan was going to retaliate, but then his words stung more than any violence ever could have.
She couldn't deny that he had a point, and in her haste to prove herself to him, she really did not inform him enough of the risks. Although...
"Oh, I'm sorry, the fucking thralls and attacks didn't clue you in that this was risky fucking business? What did you think was happening there? They were just so much more helpless than you?" She knew her words would sting, and some part of her desperately just wanted to tell him how fucking grateful she was that he was here, that he was back, but the fire in her chest and the pain she had felt shoved that back hard. They needed to have this fight first if they were going to get anywhere. Dehaljadrun desperately hoped that her initial touch earlier would be enough to clue him in that, beneath all the anger and spite, there was a well of tenderness aching to bubble up for him, but right now, it was nowhere to be found in her face or body.
She couldn't deny that he had a point, and in her haste to prove herself to him, she really did not inform him enough of the risks. Although...
"Oh, I'm sorry, the fucking thralls and attacks didn't clue you in that this was risky fucking business? What did you think was happening there? They were just so much more helpless than you?" She knew her words would sting, and some part of her desperately just wanted to tell him how fucking grateful she was that he was here, that he was back, but the fire in her chest and the pain she had felt shoved that back hard. They needed to have this fight first if they were going to get anywhere. Dehaljadrun desperately hoped that her initial touch earlier would be enough to clue him in that, beneath all the anger and spite, there was a well of tenderness aching to bubble up for him, but right now, it was nowhere to be found in her face or body.
Re: Part 1
Evan's expression did wince slightly by the end of her statement, but he really didn't waste any time snapping back.
"Do you hear me saying I shouldn't have summoned you, or that I shouldn't have made the deal that I did? I'm fucking here."
He sat up on his knees, spreading his arms as though to let her get a good look at him.
"I'm sorry last night went the way that it did, but I don't regret going through it--any fucking part of it. I'm sorry I was too fucking exhausted to make it through the portal you sent tonight, but I don't regret enduring all the things that made me that fucking tired, and I don't regret being here now. But I don't fucking want to listen to your regrets when they're of your own godsdamned making. You never should have listened to me? What the fuck are you talking about?"
His tone started out angry, but by the end of it he mostly just sounded exasperated, his expression practically begging for her to understand him.
((OOC: After talking with you just now, I'm realizing Evan probably misunderstood exactly what she was saying last post, but I'm fine with that lol))
"Do you hear me saying I shouldn't have summoned you, or that I shouldn't have made the deal that I did? I'm fucking here."
He sat up on his knees, spreading his arms as though to let her get a good look at him.
"I'm sorry last night went the way that it did, but I don't regret going through it--any fucking part of it. I'm sorry I was too fucking exhausted to make it through the portal you sent tonight, but I don't regret enduring all the things that made me that fucking tired, and I don't regret being here now. But I don't fucking want to listen to your regrets when they're of your own godsdamned making. You never should have listened to me? What the fuck are you talking about?"
His tone started out angry, but by the end of it he mostly just sounded exasperated, his expression practically begging for her to understand him.
((OOC: After talking with you just now, I'm realizing Evan probably misunderstood exactly what she was saying last post, but I'm fine with that lol))
Re: Part 1
When Evan sat up and spread his arms, she did look at him, and the goddess winced and pulled her eyebrows together--not at the sight, but at the memory of what she had done to him, both sending Philip after him and burning him. Though some part of her screamed that at least the burns were enjoyable to both of them to some degree, that voice still wasn't loud enough to overpower the guilt she felt in that moment.
But then he kept talking, and she looked at him with concern and dismay, though she felt the purpose welling up in him at the end. Though, when he finished, there was nothing in the world that could have kept her from shouting back, "I don't want to lose you, Evan!"
She let the silence ring in the air after that a moment, but before long she looked away and said, in a much calmer voice, "I don't want to just treat you like you're expendable. And, honestly," she paused here as though unsure of herself, "sometimes you make it hard to remember you're human."
The goddess knew now, with all certainty, that the reason she was angry at Evan was because she was afraid, and he hoped he wouldn't make her go as far as to admit to that.
"I don't want you to regret this," she finally added, looking at him more directly now.
But then he kept talking, and she looked at him with concern and dismay, though she felt the purpose welling up in him at the end. Though, when he finished, there was nothing in the world that could have kept her from shouting back, "I don't want to lose you, Evan!"
She let the silence ring in the air after that a moment, but before long she looked away and said, in a much calmer voice, "I don't want to just treat you like you're expendable. And, honestly," she paused here as though unsure of herself, "sometimes you make it hard to remember you're human."
The goddess knew now, with all certainty, that the reason she was angry at Evan was because she was afraid, and he hoped he wouldn't make her go as far as to admit to that.
"I don't want you to regret this," she finally added, looking at him more directly now.
Re: Part 1
Evan was absolutely caught off guard by what the goddess shouted back at him. His muscles relaxed, his legs sitting him back down and his arms falling to return his hands to his thighs. He looked... dumbfounded, and moved, his face red-hot from the flurry of heat that her words ignited in his chest, but his expression calm, if deeply surprised.
He let the silence ring in the air, and listened to what the goddess had to say next. At the comment that he made it hard to remember he was human, he couldn't help letting out a soft, amused breath, though he grew serious again as the goddess brought her gaze back to him.
Part of him wanted to answer her right away, but he wasn't sure what to say. It'd be easy enough to just say that he wouldn't regret this, but such a declaration would be cheap, and probably useless; it wasn't a promise he necessarily had power over keeping. A different part of him wanted to dive into all the reasons he couldn't imagine regretting tangling with the goddess--how this was his cause's best hope; how he finally felt like he was where he was supposed to be; how he honestly wanted to see her freed. But a lingering distrust urged him to keep those cards close for now. He kind of hated to think this way, but he still needed something from her, and despite the potency of her reply to him, he still couldn't trust that she'd support his cause in the same way he'd support hers.
He couldn't help looking sad as he thought about all that, hating that he was having to calculate strategy right now. It was so fucking tempting to just push it all aside and say fuck it, he was throwing all-in with the goddess now, the rebellion be damned, but... that, he absolutely would regret doing.
"All I can say is that so far--" he paused, realizing that what he'd wanted to say still wasn't quite true. He didn't have no regrets so far, not with how last night had gone. But... everything was worth it in the end, wasn't it?
"I haven't endured anything I wouldn't go through again, if I had to."
There. He'd landed on wording he felt confident as fuck in, and the sharp, serious look in his eye backed that up.
He let the silence ring in the air, and listened to what the goddess had to say next. At the comment that he made it hard to remember he was human, he couldn't help letting out a soft, amused breath, though he grew serious again as the goddess brought her gaze back to him.
Part of him wanted to answer her right away, but he wasn't sure what to say. It'd be easy enough to just say that he wouldn't regret this, but such a declaration would be cheap, and probably useless; it wasn't a promise he necessarily had power over keeping. A different part of him wanted to dive into all the reasons he couldn't imagine regretting tangling with the goddess--how this was his cause's best hope; how he finally felt like he was where he was supposed to be; how he honestly wanted to see her freed. But a lingering distrust urged him to keep those cards close for now. He kind of hated to think this way, but he still needed something from her, and despite the potency of her reply to him, he still couldn't trust that she'd support his cause in the same way he'd support hers.
He couldn't help looking sad as he thought about all that, hating that he was having to calculate strategy right now. It was so fucking tempting to just push it all aside and say fuck it, he was throwing all-in with the goddess now, the rebellion be damned, but... that, he absolutely would regret doing.
"All I can say is that so far--" he paused, realizing that what he'd wanted to say still wasn't quite true. He didn't have no regrets so far, not with how last night had gone. But... everything was worth it in the end, wasn't it?
"I haven't endured anything I wouldn't go through again, if I had to."
There. He'd landed on wording he felt confident as fuck in, and the sharp, serious look in his eye backed that up.
Re: Part 1
Dehaljadrun watched Evan's expression with an increasing amount of seriousness, searching his face for any slight change. While she recognized the disbelief, she didn't really know what on earth he had to be sad about, and she started to wonder if she was going to regret just saying that.
At his hesitation, she decided that, yes, that had been a stupid thing to say. Regardless of how much she felt for him, they had still negotiated a deal for Evan's cause, and that's what he was here for. Not her. The fact that she flat out admitted she wanted his company during the negotiation only muddied her side of the waters. She was tempted to say something to make her words less potent, to undercut them in some way, but Evan finally spoke, and what he said only deepened her conviction in the idea that he was only here for what she had promised him. Had it all been about endurance to him? Was there no part of him that enjoyed this process?
Surely what she had felt from him had been authentic when they had been together. That sort of thing never just went one way; she would have felt it. Right? Or was he just that good at hiding his true intentions from her? Is that why the army sent Evan to be their ambassador? Because they knew that she would be reading his mind and sharing in his experience? Uranel had certainly...
The last thing she wanted to do was compare this situation to the situation with the king, but it was starting to have the same flavor, especially after the goddess had tried to be vulnerable with Evan. Come to think of it, hadn't he kept requesting more things from her? The extra soldier that first night, requesting to leave the second... But, he had stayed with her last night, even after she said she would still release one of his men. That had been a choice for himself and not the cause, hadn't it? Although maybe that was simply that he hadn't wanted to spend another night with her in exchange. Fuck, she hated how easy it felt to talk herself into the idea that he didn't actually give a damn about her because it certainly wasn't what she wanted to believe. But, then again, she had given him the opportunity to be vulnerable, and he had closed that door with the safest and most unsatisfying answer available.
Her expression fell, and her body subtly slumped in its kneeling position. After a moment, she stood up and turned away from Evan.
"Well, I'm grateful that at least our agreement is important to you." She only turned her head enough for the sound to travel toward Evan. She could not bring herself to look at him. "The quicker you can undo the king's bindings, the better." It was then she realized that just having him here hadn't ever been enough. She wanted him to want to be here. For his own sake. She winced then at how ridiculous it must have been for her to touch his hair and neck the way she had at the beginning, and the fact that he had shuddered during that...
"Gods know I'm sure you'd rather be elsewhere right now." She was prepared to walk back to her palace and at least took a step in that direction, completely caught off guard about what in the world she would do with Evan if she thought he didn't actually want to be here. Make him go to the underworld now? Would that just cause a repeat of what happened the night before? Or worse?
At his hesitation, she decided that, yes, that had been a stupid thing to say. Regardless of how much she felt for him, they had still negotiated a deal for Evan's cause, and that's what he was here for. Not her. The fact that she flat out admitted she wanted his company during the negotiation only muddied her side of the waters. She was tempted to say something to make her words less potent, to undercut them in some way, but Evan finally spoke, and what he said only deepened her conviction in the idea that he was only here for what she had promised him. Had it all been about endurance to him? Was there no part of him that enjoyed this process?
Surely what she had felt from him had been authentic when they had been together. That sort of thing never just went one way; she would have felt it. Right? Or was he just that good at hiding his true intentions from her? Is that why the army sent Evan to be their ambassador? Because they knew that she would be reading his mind and sharing in his experience? Uranel had certainly...
The last thing she wanted to do was compare this situation to the situation with the king, but it was starting to have the same flavor, especially after the goddess had tried to be vulnerable with Evan. Come to think of it, hadn't he kept requesting more things from her? The extra soldier that first night, requesting to leave the second... But, he had stayed with her last night, even after she said she would still release one of his men. That had been a choice for himself and not the cause, hadn't it? Although maybe that was simply that he hadn't wanted to spend another night with her in exchange. Fuck, she hated how easy it felt to talk herself into the idea that he didn't actually give a damn about her because it certainly wasn't what she wanted to believe. But, then again, she had given him the opportunity to be vulnerable, and he had closed that door with the safest and most unsatisfying answer available.
Her expression fell, and her body subtly slumped in its kneeling position. After a moment, she stood up and turned away from Evan.
"Well, I'm grateful that at least our agreement is important to you." She only turned her head enough for the sound to travel toward Evan. She could not bring herself to look at him. "The quicker you can undo the king's bindings, the better." It was then she realized that just having him here hadn't ever been enough. She wanted him to want to be here. For his own sake. She winced then at how ridiculous it must have been for her to touch his hair and neck the way she had at the beginning, and the fact that he had shuddered during that...
"Gods know I'm sure you'd rather be elsewhere right now." She was prepared to walk back to her palace and at least took a step in that direction, completely caught off guard about what in the world she would do with Evan if she thought he didn't actually want to be here. Make him go to the underworld now? Would that just cause a repeat of what happened the night before? Or worse?
Re: Part 1
Evan wasn't sure what he'd expected to see in the goddess' expression after he replied, but whatever it was, he couldn't find it, and he started to panic. The seriousness in his eyes gave way to worry, all the more so when the goddess stood before replying. Shit.
His mind turned over and over what the fuck she was trying to get at, because obviously she wasn't just coming out and saying it. He could tell from her tone of voice she was disappointed, if not pissed, and that made him angry. He pushed himself to his feet with no particular plan yet, but then she laid one more stupid as shit comment on him, and he took a hasty step forward to grab her forearm and yank her back to face him.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" he exclaimed, his fingers digging in angrily, at least as long as the goddess let him continue holding her arm.
"What do you want me to say, that I don't regret getting punished for a stupid comment by one of your fucktoys? That these burns that you gave me are no big deal and that the feeling of losing you through the portal wasn't one of the most devastating things I've felt in my entire godsdamned life? Last night was a fucking shitshow, and I'm trying to tell you it was worth it. I've kept that scale on me since you gave it to me and I couldn't fucking wait to get back here, okay? Yes, our agreement is fucking important, but--"
It was only then something clicked into place, and his breath escaped him as he realized his mistake before. He did have to show her more of his cards. Fuck.
If the goddess hadn't already shaken off his grip on her arm, he'd release it there, his posture calming just slightly, and some of his anger dissipating.
"Honestly? My commander asked me after our first night, whether I was really okay with what I was doing here. I told her I finally felt like I was where I was supposed to be. There is no where else in all of creation that I'd rather be."
He let show an earnest expression for a moment, his cheeks colored with embarrassment over the sentiment. He couldn't bring himself to let that stand long, though, before he turned his gaze away, reached his hand up to rub at the side of his neck, and grumpily and added,
"Though if all we're gonna do is bitch at each other til dawn I can't exactly say that's my dream night."
His mind turned over and over what the fuck she was trying to get at, because obviously she wasn't just coming out and saying it. He could tell from her tone of voice she was disappointed, if not pissed, and that made him angry. He pushed himself to his feet with no particular plan yet, but then she laid one more stupid as shit comment on him, and he took a hasty step forward to grab her forearm and yank her back to face him.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" he exclaimed, his fingers digging in angrily, at least as long as the goddess let him continue holding her arm.
"What do you want me to say, that I don't regret getting punished for a stupid comment by one of your fucktoys? That these burns that you gave me are no big deal and that the feeling of losing you through the portal wasn't one of the most devastating things I've felt in my entire godsdamned life? Last night was a fucking shitshow, and I'm trying to tell you it was worth it. I've kept that scale on me since you gave it to me and I couldn't fucking wait to get back here, okay? Yes, our agreement is fucking important, but--"
It was only then something clicked into place, and his breath escaped him as he realized his mistake before. He did have to show her more of his cards. Fuck.
If the goddess hadn't already shaken off his grip on her arm, he'd release it there, his posture calming just slightly, and some of his anger dissipating.
"Honestly? My commander asked me after our first night, whether I was really okay with what I was doing here. I told her I finally felt like I was where I was supposed to be. There is no where else in all of creation that I'd rather be."
He let show an earnest expression for a moment, his cheeks colored with embarrassment over the sentiment. He couldn't bring himself to let that stand long, though, before he turned his gaze away, reached his hand up to rub at the side of his neck, and grumpily and added,
"Though if all we're gonna do is bitch at each other til dawn I can't exactly say that's my dream night."
Re: Part 1
While she momentarily gasped as Evan pulled her back, she let it happen, unwilling or unable to resist him. Her expression was nearly more dejected than it had been when he had surprised her with his apology, her face in a terrifyingly blank state as she stubbornly stared at ground. It was only once Evan said, yes, I care about our agreement, but-- that she looked up at him, an honest and hopeful searching expression replacing what had been there before, but then he hesitated, and she grew skeptical, narrowing her eyes and pursing her lips to let it show.
He dropped her arm, and only then did she realize how grateful her body had been for the touch. Of course that happened only once he had taken it away from her. She felt numb again, and her face fell as her mind refused to parse anything Evan had said up until that "but." Then, finally, he started speaking again, and she turned her head away, rolling over and over what he had said in her mind as a bloom of tenderness threatened to well up from her chest.
I finally felt like I was where I was supposed to be. Did he really mean that? She really, really wanted to believe that he did.
I couldn't fucking wait to get back here. That definitely sounded like he wanted to be here.
There is no where else in all of creation I would rather be.
Just as she was about to come to some conclusion about the three phrases that had struck her most, he added another comment, this one eliciting a light scoff that was almost a laugh out of her throat.
"I don't want to bitch at you all night," she said, bringing her head back to center before shaking it slowly as she looked down, "and I don't regret trying to go with you through the portal. The experience of merging with your body was..." The goddess paused, not wanting to be any more vulnerable than she already had been but also understanding that she desperately needed to salvage the situation. He was right; she was the deity here. Gods, it was so much harder to love someone on their own terms. "...something I will never, in all my immortality, forget." The goddess took a step toward Evan at this point, her expression softening as she took in the color in his cheeks, the determination in his jaw, the way he looked... embarrassed, for lack of a better word. The way the goddess had tensed during their argument began to relax as she again closed half the distance between them.
Still, she felt the need to elaborate. "I thought I had lost you, and I blamed myself. I wanted... I was determined to make it all up to you." She looked away momentarily but quickly gained back her resolve as she leaned forward to whisper in Evan's ear. "I am so fucking glad you came back here." The nearness of the skin on his neck electrified her lips, and she wanted to close that distance as well, but she refrained. There was more to say. "You're not only my hope for freedom," she whispered, choosing her words extremely carefully, "you are the only one who makes this imprisonment bearable."
The goddess tried to keep control over the parts of her mind and mouth that were tending toward warmth, but with the proximity of Evan's skin and her immense desire to feel her lips on his neck again, she continued, "And if being trapped here means getting these nights with you..." Dehaljadrun lifted one of her hands and settled it into Evan's hair once more, gently putting pressure on the back of his neck before finishing with, "...then that, too, just might be worth it."
Though she immediately wondered if she truly meant that, the symbol of the sentiment stood as she pulled back from Evan's ear--though his neck still sang its sweet song--and searched Evan's face for any confirmation that he had heard and understood what she was saying to him.
He dropped her arm, and only then did she realize how grateful her body had been for the touch. Of course that happened only once he had taken it away from her. She felt numb again, and her face fell as her mind refused to parse anything Evan had said up until that "but." Then, finally, he started speaking again, and she turned her head away, rolling over and over what he had said in her mind as a bloom of tenderness threatened to well up from her chest.
I finally felt like I was where I was supposed to be. Did he really mean that? She really, really wanted to believe that he did.
I couldn't fucking wait to get back here. That definitely sounded like he wanted to be here.
There is no where else in all of creation I would rather be.
Just as she was about to come to some conclusion about the three phrases that had struck her most, he added another comment, this one eliciting a light scoff that was almost a laugh out of her throat.
"I don't want to bitch at you all night," she said, bringing her head back to center before shaking it slowly as she looked down, "and I don't regret trying to go with you through the portal. The experience of merging with your body was..." The goddess paused, not wanting to be any more vulnerable than she already had been but also understanding that she desperately needed to salvage the situation. He was right; she was the deity here. Gods, it was so much harder to love someone on their own terms. "...something I will never, in all my immortality, forget." The goddess took a step toward Evan at this point, her expression softening as she took in the color in his cheeks, the determination in his jaw, the way he looked... embarrassed, for lack of a better word. The way the goddess had tensed during their argument began to relax as she again closed half the distance between them.
Still, she felt the need to elaborate. "I thought I had lost you, and I blamed myself. I wanted... I was determined to make it all up to you." She looked away momentarily but quickly gained back her resolve as she leaned forward to whisper in Evan's ear. "I am so fucking glad you came back here." The nearness of the skin on his neck electrified her lips, and she wanted to close that distance as well, but she refrained. There was more to say. "You're not only my hope for freedom," she whispered, choosing her words extremely carefully, "you are the only one who makes this imprisonment bearable."
The goddess tried to keep control over the parts of her mind and mouth that were tending toward warmth, but with the proximity of Evan's skin and her immense desire to feel her lips on his neck again, she continued, "And if being trapped here means getting these nights with you..." Dehaljadrun lifted one of her hands and settled it into Evan's hair once more, gently putting pressure on the back of his neck before finishing with, "...then that, too, just might be worth it."
Though she immediately wondered if she truly meant that, the symbol of the sentiment stood as she pulled back from Evan's ear--though his neck still sang its sweet song--and searched Evan's face for any confirmation that he had heard and understood what she was saying to him.
Re: Part 1
Evan was certainly relieved when the goddess said she didn't want to bitch all night--not just for the verbal confirmation, but he could tell in her tone of voice that something had shifted. He brought his gaze back to her, though not quite head-on, while she continued to speak, every word coming out of her mouth melting his expression just a little bit further. It was so fucking good to hear that she didn't regret sharing bodies; that the sensation of it was something she'd never forget.
Those assurances untied knot after knot in his chest and his gut, threatening to release the tension that had been held in them up through his throat in a sob. He managed to keep silent, despite the lump that was building, though he was sure his eyes were giving him away. Even so, he kept his gaze on her, absolutely transfixed by the weight of what she was saying, to say nothing of her approaching proximity. It was a fucking miracle he was able to keep still. He couldn't help imagining swaying to press his neck against her lips when she leaned in to whisper; visualizing wrapping his arms around her and pulling her in close; practically tasting her skin should he lean forward and sink his teeth into her neck. But she was still talking, and the things she was saying were so fucking delicious in their own right, he couldn't bear to interrupt her. He wanted to hear every last breath of what she had to say, and give it all the chance it needed to really sink into him.
And then, before she even finished talking, she touched him, her fingers brushing once again over his neck and into his hair. He couldn't help but close his eyes as another shudder ran through his body, every last one of his nerves lighting up in celebration and anticipation and wild, frantic yearning for more. He opened his eyes again when she finished speaking, his expression absolutely agape with desire and gratitude and quite nearly overwhelm. Somewhere deep in his brain was the worry that he was falling for some kind of trick--like as soon as she was free she'd drop him just like Yukiko had. But, Yukiko had never spoken to him like this. Fuck, no one had, and he was kind of fucking beside himself about it, expending practically all the willpower he had access to not to break down sobbing. The impulse crossed his mind to pull away and hide that, worried that he was being fucking pathetic, but he couldn't bring himself to pull away from the goddess' touch.
Fuck, for that matter, he was squarely out of willpower to keep himself from touching her more, especially since it seemed like the concern about interruption was at this point moot.
All at once his hands reached out, one around the goddess' waist and one against her neck and up through her hair, each grabbing hold of the goddess and pulling her close as he swayed his body towards her and aimed to bring their lips together into a kiss.
Those assurances untied knot after knot in his chest and his gut, threatening to release the tension that had been held in them up through his throat in a sob. He managed to keep silent, despite the lump that was building, though he was sure his eyes were giving him away. Even so, he kept his gaze on her, absolutely transfixed by the weight of what she was saying, to say nothing of her approaching proximity. It was a fucking miracle he was able to keep still. He couldn't help imagining swaying to press his neck against her lips when she leaned in to whisper; visualizing wrapping his arms around her and pulling her in close; practically tasting her skin should he lean forward and sink his teeth into her neck. But she was still talking, and the things she was saying were so fucking delicious in their own right, he couldn't bear to interrupt her. He wanted to hear every last breath of what she had to say, and give it all the chance it needed to really sink into him.
And then, before she even finished talking, she touched him, her fingers brushing once again over his neck and into his hair. He couldn't help but close his eyes as another shudder ran through his body, every last one of his nerves lighting up in celebration and anticipation and wild, frantic yearning for more. He opened his eyes again when she finished speaking, his expression absolutely agape with desire and gratitude and quite nearly overwhelm. Somewhere deep in his brain was the worry that he was falling for some kind of trick--like as soon as she was free she'd drop him just like Yukiko had. But, Yukiko had never spoken to him like this. Fuck, no one had, and he was kind of fucking beside himself about it, expending practically all the willpower he had access to not to break down sobbing. The impulse crossed his mind to pull away and hide that, worried that he was being fucking pathetic, but he couldn't bring himself to pull away from the goddess' touch.
Fuck, for that matter, he was squarely out of willpower to keep himself from touching her more, especially since it seemed like the concern about interruption was at this point moot.
All at once his hands reached out, one around the goddess' waist and one against her neck and up through her hair, each grabbing hold of the goddess and pulling her close as he swayed his body towards her and aimed to bring their lips together into a kiss.
Re: Part 1
The goddess was grateful that it suddenly felt possible to feel into Evan's desire and longing for her again, and it felt so palpable, so real that some part of her wondered how she ever could have doubted him in the first place. Still, as his hands reached up for her, Dehaljadrun momentarily resisted, terrified that he was about to chastise her in some way for being so sentimental. But, the comfort of his arm around her waist and the familiarity of his hand in her hair grabbed and pulled at her heart until she lean into him, almost completely ready to believe that this was exactly how Evan felt, that this was true, that this was authentic.
As he began to pull her into a kiss, though, it all seemed too easy, like this was exactly the action he felt expected to take--not to mention that it was a convenient way to not reply--and she almost pulled away, worried and confused and utterly unsure what she would do if kissing never felt the same again. But, as his lips touched hers, a tidal wave of relief washed over her as she twisted the hair in her hand desperately, so fucking grateful that he was safe and alive and here with her because he wanted to be. She swayed dramatically, her knees struggling to keep them both upright, and she leaned into it, eager to have more of his skin, tasting and testing his tongue and lips before she pulled away to return to his neck and kiss down the length of it ferociously before biting down gently at the bottom of his neck at first and then deeper as though to comfort him.
I'm here. I'm real. I'm with you. I love you, she thought and was suddenly grateful they weren't body sharing because she didn't want him to hear her thoughts.
Her hands began exploring him, his delicious hips, his... Oh, gods, the burns. She pulled away from him at once, though she still had a hand in his hair, and said, "I might not be able to fix everything that happened, but I can fix these," running her hand very, very gently over the bandages in an attempt to elicit shivers. In one smooth movement, the goddess Dehaljadrun pulled his shirt off and gestured for him to lie down in the center of the circle where she had just been before he had approached and surprised her.
As he began to pull her into a kiss, though, it all seemed too easy, like this was exactly the action he felt expected to take--not to mention that it was a convenient way to not reply--and she almost pulled away, worried and confused and utterly unsure what she would do if kissing never felt the same again. But, as his lips touched hers, a tidal wave of relief washed over her as she twisted the hair in her hand desperately, so fucking grateful that he was safe and alive and here with her because he wanted to be. She swayed dramatically, her knees struggling to keep them both upright, and she leaned into it, eager to have more of his skin, tasting and testing his tongue and lips before she pulled away to return to his neck and kiss down the length of it ferociously before biting down gently at the bottom of his neck at first and then deeper as though to comfort him.
I'm here. I'm real. I'm with you. I love you, she thought and was suddenly grateful they weren't body sharing because she didn't want him to hear her thoughts.
Her hands began exploring him, his delicious hips, his... Oh, gods, the burns. She pulled away from him at once, though she still had a hand in his hair, and said, "I might not be able to fix everything that happened, but I can fix these," running her hand very, very gently over the bandages in an attempt to elicit shivers. In one smooth movement, the goddess Dehaljadrun pulled his shirt off and gestured for him to lie down in the center of the circle where she had just been before he had approached and surprised her.