Written Wonderland

Evan's eyes narrowed slightly when the goddess referred back to his bid. He kept up his smirk, but he did wonder whether he should have claimed his men were worth more; perhaps he'd been too conservative in trying to give her a number she might agree to. She was keeping infuriatingly inscrutable about what a thrall was actually worth to her, and his mind turned over how he might be able to get her to lay that card down, but his train of thought was thoroughly interrupted by what she said about his worth to her.

Honestly, the smirk faded at that. Not because he wasn't happy to hear it--he was fucking elated to hear it--but because he couldn't bring himself to be pompous about it. He looked relieved, although a tad uneasy. It was because he could free her, he reminded himself soberly. Some part of him wanted to believe there was more to it, and even flailed about in his memories trying to find and present proof, but he was able to dismiss everything it pulled up--the scale rolling gently over grass, a necessary concession for her lost temper; the way she'd confided in him about her child, a required tactical move to earn back his trust; her distress at having thought she'd lost him, grief over having lost her ticket to freedom; her desire for assurance that he was here of his own accord, a tactic to lower his defenses and weaken his negotiating power; the way that she touched his collarbone now... a calculated effort to throw off his resolve. He didn't like thinking this way, but he couldn't see how thinking any other way was wise right now.

He tried to turn his mind back to the matter at hand. Could he accept her offer? He wanted to, not just for pride's sake--he recognized that there was value to both of them in reaching a new agreement tonight, and not leaving things up in the air until he could talk to Mizu. But would accepting something that Mizu had no chance to even share an opinion on leave things in the air regardless? What would happen if she found this alternative unacceptable? It really wasn't outside the realm of possibility that she could lose Blake and Joseph's support as a result of literally allying with demons; maybe not just their support, either. Evan's expression grew grimmer as he thought on this, and he clenched his jaw and shifted subtly away from the goddess before he spoke again, his voice back to wholly serious.

"I need to know why you'd rather not release more thralls. I can't just show up with fucking demons and no explanation; other captains will absolutely accuse me of going down the same path as the king." He almost stopped there, but then a thought occurred to him which may also be valuable, and which the goddess may be more willing to answer-- "What kind of demons is he using, anyway? Do they belong to some other god?"

Dehaljadrun felt Evan start to shift away from her, and the throbbing in her chest increased to almost bursting. Having him shirk her off was exactly what she had been afraid of. Gods, having to talk strategically with Evan was infuriating. She pulled away from him altogether and resumed her kneeling position in front of him, though her body was far more obvious about being upset by that--her legs parted slightly, her hips cocked. She tossed her hair behind her back and prepared to answer Evan. After all, he had a point about being mistaken for the king.

"Yes, they are from another god," the goddess said tersely. She didn't care to elaborate more than that because, at present, there was absolutely nothing she could do about that goddess or her demons. Not to mention that Evan was moving the conversation away from their renegotiation.

The goddess attempted to reign in her impatience by taking another deep breath. Against the thought of losing Evan's interest, the Shel'ti were looking less and less valuable to her.

"Unless you have some magical counteroffer, you have two options as I see it, then," Dehaljadrun, regaining her confidence, "find eight volunteers from among your own men to add to the two soldiers I currently have and replace the Shel'ti, or..." the goddess let the last syllable hang in the air for several moments before she said anything further, staring deeply into Evan's eyes, but finally, she could not hold it back anymore, "pledge yourself into my service even after the war is over and the temples are rebuilt." She paused again and followed it up with, "Not as a thrall. As an agent of my desires." Another pause, this time with a smirk to accompany it. "After all, you owe me your life already anyway." The goddess tilted her head then, her hair falling back over her own collarbones as she looked at Evan searchingly.

She was leaning hard on what Evan had said earlier about feeling like he was exactly where he felt like he was supposed to be, but she had left Evan with other options if that didn't appeal. While she still didn't like the idea of making Evan yet more valuable to her, she was quickly becoming more interested in determining to what extent Evan wanted to be here for himself, and if she could draw that information out of him, it was worth giving up the Shel'ti, much as some inner voice chastised her for making her personal interests more obvious. But, that was what it was going to take to get them through this conversation, right? She had to admit what she wanted, and Evan's company was absolutely at the top of that list, after securing her own freedom, of course, and assuming he wanted to be there.

What if he took her up on her offer as a martyr for his cause rather than out of his own desire to serve her? The last thing she wanted was to keep Evan against his will. But, hadn't he said that he was exactly unwilling to be a martyr during their first conversation? Then again, they were starting from scratch, weren't they? But what if he didn't think his life was worth more than 10 of his soldiers?

Rather than continue to doubt herself, the goddess allowed a small portion of fear into the deep purple pools of her eyes but otherwise waited with held breath for Evan's response.

It hurt when the goddess resumed kneeling, their bodies now fully apart again. He couldn't decide if it made it better or worse that she looked irritated about it. His own body yearned to lean forward and re-close the gap, but he contented himself with closing his fist again and clenching his jaw for good measure. Focus.

He wanted to press the goddess on her reply about the king's demons--Mizu would absolutely want to know what other deity was involved here, wouldn't she?--but the way the goddess drew in a breath quieted him, and he clenched his jaw again while he waited for her to continue.

He'd expected the second option to still involve the demons, and he was heavily caught off-guard by what she said instead. Partly, that seemed almost too easy--wouldn't he be an agent of her desires regardless? Couldn't she fucking see that he wanted--

No, he supposed he had tried to backpedal on that, hadn't he? Pulled that card back against his chest again and pretended it had been something different. He swallowed grimly, unsure how to proceed, then. Did he keep it hidden, and act like he'd be making a sacrifice that was in truth something he wanted anyway? That felt insidiously dirty to him, but then again, it prompted him to examine whether it really was what he'd want, because the more he looked at it, something didn't seem right. As much as he had a desire to help the goddess--and yes, to serve her, even--the thought of pledging to do so indefinitely here and now felt... well, it made his stomach start to turn again. No, perhaps that wasn't what he wanted, though it was difficult at the moment to identify why.

So, then... finding men to replace the Shel'ti? It might be doable... heh, he imagined Trevor would probably volunteer. That thought brought a smirk back to the captain's face.

"Fine then," he said, his tone sharp but his expression pleased. "I won't promise a specific number; we'll have to weigh our troops' morale against what we can offer the Shel'ti." After all, it was one thing to enlist volunteers, of which Evan wasn't sure how many he'd find; it would be another thing if they had to pressure or even order anyone into it just because Evan had agreed to a certain number. "Three Shel'ti released for every soldier we offer you; and we'll need you to hold off any further attacks on us and them until the war is won."

He couldn't help raising his eyebrow, betraying intense interest in the goddess' response. He was aware he'd rather brushed over the second option, and he was hungry for signs of how she felt about that.

Evan's fine then hit the goddess square in the chest, her mind already convinced that Evan would choose her second option regardless that she almost winced, afraid that he was taking her up on that even though that wasn't what he wanted, if the bitterness in his tone was anything to go by. Now, it would be her turn to backpedal. But then he kept talking, and it took her a moment to realize that he wasn't saying that at all. In fact, he wasn't saying anything about staying with her. Fuck, how was that worse? The goddess furrowed her brows intensely before she could help herself, looking incredulously at Evan. She had half a mind to slap him across the face, gods damn it.

But, reeling her expression back into what became only a slight frown, she reasoned with herself. This was still what she wanted, right? She did certainly enjoy the idea of having volunteers a whole hell of a lot better than attacking someone at random in their dreams, so this was still an improvement. And, who knew, maybe there would be someone more interesting than Evan. She couldn't help but shake her head a little. Gods, who was she kidding?

"I suppose that's just about settled, then," the goddess said, lifting her head. "Do you plan to leave your remaining two soldiers with me?" she asked, not wanting to ask directly just yet if Evan still planned to spend the two other nights with her.

Evan couldn't stop the grin on his face from waxing insufferable; he could tell that something about the goddess' initial response was, in fact, absolutely delightful to him. She really had wanted him to pick that second option, hadn't she? Gods, that was a gratifying thing to hold onto.

He tamed his grin when she spoke, though, recognizing that he couldn't be too insufferable about it lest he endanger the agreement they were coming to. Besides, she surprised him yet again with another inquiry, which hinted at an option Evan hadn't considered. He raised his eyebrows carefully, further reigning in his grin to a more neutral expression.

"If you'd be willing to release the other soldiers tonight, that would go a long way towards instilling confidence in your good faith with my compatriots. I'd be willing to promise at least three volunteers in that case, though rest assured I'll be aiming for more."

He was confident he could find three, surely, and getting something so concrete upfront would be incredibly valuable in showing Mizu and the other captains that he could get results. It'd probably make the notion of offering up volunteers go down a little easier, too. He did his best to keep his expression neutral, but his eyes were wide with hopefulness he couldn't hide; he absolutely wanted those soldiers freed tonight if he could get them.

The desire to slap Evan's face escalated. Or better yet, she thought, she could sink deeply into his mind and tear at his memories until he would fucking admit that he... that he what? That he cared for her? That she was more than just his cause to him? That he wanted to fuck her right then and there? That this entire negotiation paled in comparison to whatever they could be doing with their bodies right now?

But her rational mind kept its tenuous grip and reeled her reactions in, though her frown significantly deepened as Evan continued talking. The smug tone in his voice was unbearable.

"I'm not going to just let your soldiers go now for nothing," the goddess snapped. "You would need at least that many volunteers anyway to secure your relations with the Shel'ti." Letting two soldiers go now meant that Evan had no reason to come back to her except for his trip to the underworld. While it had seemed an almost flippant request during the first negotiation, she knew Evan would take it as yet more evidence that she was attached to the idea. But, she had no idea how much she had been clinging to those two nights--not to mention the one they were in the fucking middle of--until they were suddenly pulled out from under her. Some deep inward part of her wanted to scream. Did he really want to anger her so? Was he just being coy? Was this just a continuation of the earlier manipulation? Fuck this!

Calm down, she told herself, taking yet another deep breath, calm down. This isn't over yet. She hated so much that she knew she couldn't just force him into giving her what she wanted. She had seen what that would lead to yesterday, and it was not a road she wanted to go down again.

Please just tell me you're not trying to use me like everybody fucking else! she wanted so badly to yell in his face, but again, her rational mind attempted to soothe her. The best way to not feel that way was to get things she actually wanted out of this deal regardless. If she could be confident in the agreement they were making whether or not Evan was in it for his own desire, then it wouldn't matter as much. And, she really did like the idea of his soldiers volunteering to serve her.

Still, the goddess could not keep herself from standing up, her body full of a rage uncomfortably close to tears. She turned away from Evan and put a hand to her forehead. After a moment, she turned back around and said with a completely unreadable face, "I'll release your soldiers now if you give me back the scale." If Evan was going to take away the solid footing she was standing on, she would just have to play harder. Why not go back on the agreement they made yesterday while they were at it?

Evan frowned when the goddess snapped in reply. He was tempted to snap back Why did you even ask, then?, frustrated that it seemed like she'd put something on the table and then had grown angry at Evan for wanting it. He clenched his jaw shut, though, ensuring he didn't speak out of turn. She was right that he hadn't offered anything extra in exchange for getting the soldiers back tonight rather than waiting or relinquishing them, and he hadn't meant it to sound like he thought he was; he was just making explicit that he wouldn't shortchange her. Still, he rolled over the exchange in his mind, trying to figure out why she'd gotten so snippy about it.

He failed to reach any conclusions, though, before the goddess stood, which made him incredibly nervous. They still weren't quite done, and the last thing he wanted was to get in another argument about the same exact shit again later just because they failed to resolve things now. And then, to make matters worse, the goddess demanded the scale of all things, which Evan couldn't deny stung, especially given the inscrutable tone in which she asked it. His frown deepened, and he cautiously pushed himself to his feet. It wasn't that he was altogether opposed to the idea, but the manner in which this was happening made him uneasy.

"Getting both soldiers back tonight would be a boon to me," he said levelly, his posture just a tad defensive, "and I'd be willing to give the scale back to get them, but not if you feel slighted by that exchange. If you still want to just give them back one night at a time, I can accept that. Or hell, keep them, I guess, if you prefer these two to whatever other volunteers I might find." His voice did start to raise by the end of it, though only slightly; he was frustrated and confused, but not quite angry. He held his hands up slightly to either side, his shoulders shrugging in a slight bit of exasperation while his eyebrows raised, desperate for the goddess to just fucking be straight with him about what she wanted here.

At least she had gotten a reaction out of him. At least she knew that the scale wasn't nothing to him. She was prepared to take a step back as he stood up, though she assumed he was just responding to her positioning.

The level tone of his voice did calm her somewhat, especially when he said he didn't want her to feel slighted by the exchange. He did genuinely want her to feel good about whatever they came up with, and that counted for something.

She also appreciated that Evan had suggested that she could keep the soldiers and release them one at a time again. That would mean that Evan would need to come back, but she was still unsure about how it would come across if she immediately jumped for that possibility.

"I don't want to keep them," the goddess said in a much quieter voice, staring at the floor. "I'd rather have people who want to be here, and the only reason I took your soldiers and the Shel'ti in the first place is because there was no other way to..." Fuck, did she need to explain this much? Probably not. Regardless, what he had said had done wonders to help her calm down, and that was likely good news for both of them. Dehaljadrun looked at Evan, his open hands and confused expression, shook her head, and scoffed, a tiny ghost of a smile over her lips. Her fingers raised to her forehead for a moment again before she dropped her hand, shook her head yet again, and said, "I just want to have an excuse to see you again." She looked at him poignantly then, her eyes absolutely watering, though no tears fell yet. "In case that wasn't fucking obvious by now," she added.

Evan let out a soft, relieved sigh when the goddess spoke again. He was glad that things seemed to be deescalating, though something about her poise and softness swelled the ache in his chest. He wanted so badly to touch her, and he even stepped forward just slightly intending to--he wasn't sure what, maybe set a hand on her shoulder?--before he caught himself and held himself back. They were closer, but not there just yet.

Then, finally, she said something that the guarded part of him had trouble dismissing; she just wanted an excuse to see him again. Her expression afterwards only punctuated her earnestness; Evan recognized the sort of slickness in her eyes, and all at once, it felt like he finally knew exactly where she was at.

Even so, that didn't necessarily mean he knew how to respond. He certainly imagined just stepping forward and fully taking her into a hug, but worried that might take things to a place that her pride wouldn't allow. Or, he supposed, his pride was just too afraid to do it. But he didn't want to be completely cold and calculated here; he genuinely did feel that she had just been vulnerable, and he did want to answer in kind.

"Well," he said a bit sheepishly, his cheeks gaining color as he reached up to rub a bit awkwardly at his hair. "That's a whole other conversation, then, isn't it?" His eyes had blinked away, but they returned in short order, hopeful that she wouldn't misunderstand him. Just to make sure, he added, "If you're worried I'd never come through a portal again once I get what I need..." but, guh, how could he really reassure her here? 'don't be' was stupid, and empty.

Evan sighed, and let his gaze drift away again, kicking himself for not having a solid plan before he started talking on something so delicate. An idea came to mind, though, which he turned over for a moment, before deciding it might be his best option, at least that was available to him just then. He reached into his pocket, and gently pulled out the scale. He regarded it in his hand much like he had the talisman, although he was much more relaxed now; contemplative, rather than afraid. And then, he held it out to her, his expression soft and hopeful.

"I don't want to trade this for soldiers," he said confidently, "I want it to reassure you."

((OOC: Thought about asking whether it was still active--I've been assuming at this point he'd be kinda weirdly used to the sensation of being in his pocket lol--but didn't want to spoil what would happen in the post for you lolol. If it is still active, I suppose he might've gained yet more color in his cheeks when he first touched it and realized.))

The goddess had no idea what to think about Evan reaching up to rub at his hair. It felt like embarrassment, but was it embarrassment about his own feelings or just awkwardness at the thought of hers? Then, as he finished his statement, she grew confused. This had never been a separate conversation. From the beginning, everything she wanted personally from Evan had been very tied together with what he wanted strategically from her. That was the very nature of their initial agreement and every interaction they had had since. And maybe that was exactly the problem.

But, he continued, and she narrowed her eyes, giving her an excuse to pull back the tears that had threatened to spill, waiting for him to finish whatever he was going to say. But then he just left it there, at least until he pulled out the scale. Just from looking at it and the glowing warmth coming from it, she could tell it was active, and her heart skipped a beat as she thought about running her hands along its edges knowing that Evan would feel everything. Even just the thought of gingerly picking it up from his hands sent shivers down her back. There was no denying how much she wanted it back, especially since it would work no matter where he was.

She stepped forward, not taking her eyes off it, and hovered her empty hand over it, absolutely hungry for the sensations it would inevitable engender in both of them. Instead of picking it up, she placed the talisman at the end of Evan's waiting fingers. "And I want you to be able to leave when you want. I have no desire to keep you here against your will." Only then did she reach forward and touch the scale, locking eyes with Evan before she did so. Lifting it up off his palm, she immediately placed it between her two hands, the sensation indescribably intimate. It only made her want to actually touch him more, that desire very, very nearly overwhelming the tenuous nature of where they still stood. But, if she distracted him completely, the nagging sensation that their agreement was still not closed up would only keep her from fully enjoying whatever they might do next.

Still, she felt compelled to do something. Brushing a finger around the edge of the smooth scale, she looked at it appreciatively, her expression full of gratitude but mixed with mischief as she raised it to her lips and kissed the underside of it gently before lowering her hands and allowing one hand to close around it. But then, she suddenly realized that he hadn't said anything about when she would see him again and could not help her hand from squeezing the scale slightly in response.

"So, where does that leave us?" she asked, redirecting their conversation back to the negotiation. "Three Shel'ti released for each of your volunteers, your trip to the underworld on my behalf, collaboration on the timing of the death of the king, no future attacks on either your army or the Shel'ti... anything else you needed to upsell me on?" The goddess issued her last comment with a bit of a smirk and a raised eyebrow, wanting Evan to be aware that he still wasn't totally off the hook for that part of this fallout.