Written Wonderland

Evan's heart raced in his chest as the goddess stepped forward. It seemed good that she was approaching, eyeing the scale that he offered her, but she sure was taking her time with it. He supposed that was fair, but it didn't make the waiting easy. It left a lot of space for anxieties to flare up; she knew this wasn't just an idle gesture, right? Was there any chance that she was still just toying with him, and had managed to trick him into letting his guard down again?

He was surprised to feel more weight in his hand rather than less, which his eyes conveyed as he blinked up to her; though once she spoke, her meaning sank in quickly, and he nodded in appreciation. Then, she picked up the scale, and Evan couldn't help the soft gasp that escaped his lips at both the sensation and the meaning of it.

He closed his hand around the talisman as she placed both her hands around his scale, and without even thinking about it his arms drew back and crossed over each other against his body, almost like he was hugging himself--though in truth, the impulse came from a desire to embrace the sensation that had enveloped him. It definitely felt embarrassing to do, but fuck the instinct to do it had been strong. He'd closed his eyes as he did so, and then opened them again with a louder sigh, his brow now furrowed with the sense of yearning for the goddess that he'd been holding back. It felt good to finally let it show on his face again--to let it flow through his body again--but also kind of fucking terrifying. He watched anxiously and longingly as the goddess caressed the stone and then kissed it, the latter action stirring a soft groan deep in the captain's throat as his cock twitched, practically begging for more.

He was starting to get nervous, though, about his ability to resolve any lingering threads--were there any? He wasn't sure right now, but he wanted to be safe rather than sorry here. So, he took a deep breath and lowered his arms back down to his sides, slipping the talisman into his pocket as he did so and trying to collect himself again. Then the goddess squeezed, and Evan clenched his jaw and fists at his sides to avoid letting out another gasp, though his knees did seem to falter briefly. He was just about to ask the goddess to ease up for a minute, when of course she started speaking.

On the one hand, he was glad to be getting back to their conversation to make sure they were truly ending on the same page, but on the other, his mind was already swirling with desires to pounce her, fantasies of their teeth sinking into each others' skin, hands around each other's throats, nails raking over each other's backs...

He managed a brief irritated expression when the goddess asked him about upselling, but luckily the comment seemed to be delivered in good humor. But, fuck, were those all the details? It was so fucking hard to care right now, but he knew that he had to. He bit his lip and shifted the pressure in his fists to force nails to bite into skin, hoping those sensations would help him focus. At least they were sensations he was causing himself, which did seem to knock something into place that had slipped out of alignment.

"No," he said, "that should honestly be everything the rebellion needs." He was confident in those words, but... well, there did seem to be a lingering, unstated 'but' to follow, if his body language was anything to go by. He couldn't find words for that part of it, though, and clenched his jaw again while he thought, his expression scrunching together seriously. His eyes looked downwards, darting back and forth while he racked his brain for what else was sticking. It had to do with the dream, he thought, but looking too closely at that right now sounded like the absolute fucking opposite of what he wanted to do. Some part of him honestly wanted to just put it all to rest and get the fuck on with their night now, but then he found the memory of the goddess by the stone circle before, taunting Evan with "...Assuming, of course, you're capable of it."

Tears stung at his eyes, then, and he knew there was something there he still needed to talk about, but words were still proving fucking elusive. He could feel himself getting angry again, too, which scared him--he didn't want this conversation to be angry. And he was getting embarrassed for taking so fucking long, and starting to panic about whether he'd be able to close this up right. They honestly had come to a good agreement, hadn't they? And he was jeopardizing it for what--a vague, frantic sense of anger at what was probably just godsdamned playful banter? This was so fucking stupid.

"Fuck, there is something else," he finally said, a bit hastily because he knew he must be trying the goddess' patience by now, "but I can't--" His fist swung slightly beside him, in a way that absolutely would have thudded against a wall if he were standing closer to one. He ran his other hand nervously up through his hair and finally lifted his gaze to her, tear-strewn and angry and scared, and blurted out a thought his brain felt stuck on even though he felt like it made no fucking sense. "You're not the Underworld, so..." He frowned slightly, shifting his gaze away again in embarrassment. "I don't know. Fuck." He paused there, trying to search his brain again but honestly hoping the goddess would say something so he had any fucking clue how pissed she was getting; he imagined quite a lot.

The goddess was surprised and somewhat heart-warmed to see Evan wrap his arms around himself, and she instinctively knew that his body was responding to the longing he must have felt, claiming sensation, touch, and some kind of recognition for himself in a way that put a lot of the goddess' fears to bed, at least for a moment. The wave of increased longing and desire that hit Evan washed over Dehaljadrun, and she actively felt pain from not fucking touch him right the fuck now, her eyes rolling back at the thought of it and of Evan's subsequent fantasies as they rolled into her, too. She did not want to be standing. She did not want to be so fucking far away from him. She wanted this conversation to be over as soon as fucking possible.

She should have been grateful to hear Evan's "no," but it only set her more on edge, especially when he referred to the rebellion but not to himself. She felt him getting irritated, then angry, and the tears that began to form in his eyes alarmed her deeply. What the fuck was he about to say? After having witnessed his reaction to her taking back the scale, she was less impatient than she might have otherwise been, but fuck if she didn't just want him to spit it out already. Her face changed quickly to concern and then deepened into a furrowed brow and then transitioned to a look of skeptical frustration.

When he said there was something else, her heart dropped, worried again about what could possibly movie him into this state. She sensed his fear now, and in this context, it was not gratifying to her in the slightest. After everything she had said tonight, fear was the last response she was really expecting from Evan.

You're not the Underworld, so...

What was that supposed to mean? As Evan continued to fumble and then dropped the thread of conversation altogether, she attempted to gather her thoughts. Not the Underworld... This was probably a reference back to when he said that he was tired of her tests. That's what had started this cascade of renegotiating in the first place, right? After the dream memory and... The dream, the goddess thought. She appraised Evan, thinking back to the moment when he vomited after Samael had left. She had understood then, when it was Samael and not her causing the discomfort, how much Evan's body was going through, and still, he endured it. She was sympathetic to all that, but she utterly failed in the sympathy department with anything she had done to him. She had been too busy doubting his ability to achieve what she wanted. And, yeah, she could understand how that would fucking hurt.

The urge to comfort Evan that she had felt several times that evening surged again within her, and this time didn't feel like the right time to deny it. She stepped closer cautiously, loosening her grip on the scale and rubbing her thumb gently across its smooth surface as she closed half of the distance between them.

"Evan," she said before she really knew what she was going to follow it up with. "Evan..." She wanted so badly to bring him close to her, to embrace him more deeply even than he had embraced himself, but she had no idea how such a gesture would be received, and the last thing she wanted to do was put him through more than she already had right now. She looked away from Evan for a few moments, still not entirely confident that she was addressing the right problem, but decided to forge forward anyway.

She looked him again in his eyes, moved that there was evidence of tears still there, and said, "I want to prepare you for what might happen there. The Underworld will worm its way into your mind and use anything it finds to keep you. It will tell you you're worthless and useless and undeserving and cause you endless amounts of pain in the process. It's a fucking miracle that the king found sorcerers who could accomplish it. But... it doesn't help matters if I don't believe in you. And I want to. I really fucking want to." Finally, the goddess could not disobey her body's desire to touch Evan anymore. She raised her empty hand and brushed against the side of his face, intertwining her fingers with a lock of hair she found there, stroking it and his cheek all the way down toward his jaw.

"I don't want to lose you to the Underworld anymore than I want to lose you to your own desires," the goddess said, "but if the way you accepted my being into your body yesterday and survived being forcibly torn apart from me by a spell neither of us control is any indication," the goddess continued, settling her hand on top of Evan's shoulder, "neither of those things are likely to happen, and I don't want to push you so far that they do."

Evan felt a stroke over his neck and shoulder, and he let his jaw relax as he tilted his head slightly to make the most of the sensation. He was sure the goddess had stroked the scale, and that gesture had felt reassuring. Maybe she wasn't angry.

Even so, he flinched at the sound of his name, some of his tension returning as he brought his gaze back to her nervously. She didn't look angry, but... if he wanted to, he could easily enough find signs of disappointment, which wasn't necessarily better. What if she thought he was stupid, or too sensitive to accomplish her task? His stomach turned when she looked away, a million different possible rejections running through his mind while he waited. But he kept his expression mostly hard and serious when she brought her gaze back. In the very least, he'd face her rejection head-on, and not run away from it.

He was quiet and steady as she began talking, describing the Underworld to him like he was a fucking child. It was tempting to scoff and say he'd already lived through what she was describing, but held his tongue. He had mixed feelings when the goddess said she wanted to believe in him. He'd obviously sensed that she hadn't, so in a way it was good to hear her talk about it frankly, but it also hurt to hear confirmed. It was also deeply embarrassing to talk about at all, and his eyes looked away as his cheeks gained a few shades in color. Shouldn't he just be confident enough to prove himself to her? What if the fact that he wasn't meant that he wasn't fit for her task?

But then her hand stroked his cheek, and he nearly fucking lost it. A heavy sob escaped him, jostling his shoulders as he nuzzled his cheek into her palm. He couldn't help thinking of the fantasy he'd had in his dream--in his memory--of making it to a healer's home and feeling, at long last, a sympathetic hand on his cheek. He did his best to collect himself quickly, though, keeping his outburst at just the single sob before catching his breath and listening intently to what the goddess said next. He couldn't bring himself to look at her again just yet, but he drank in her words and let them warm his chest. She wasn't just saying that she wanted to believe in him; she was saying that she did.

She moved her hand to his shoulder as she finished talking, and Evan sniffed and finally brought his gaze back to her, and did his best to keep his breath steady.

"So," he said after a moment, and did his best to turn up at least a small smile as he did so, "stop testing me, and prepare me, then."

The goddess couldn't say she was expecting the sob that shook out of Evan, but she supposed it was understandable. He really was tied up in knots about what he wanted to say earlier, and she knew how badly he didn't want to disappoint her. Dehaljadrun was immensely grateful that he accepted her gesture against his cheek and even leaned into it, which lit up a whole section of her chest. She was further reassured and downright elated that she had understood what he had been trying to communicate when he looked up and it was clear in his eyes. Gods, was she ever grateful to see that smile, even if was just a small one. It was contagious, although hers turned quickly into a smirk as she listened to what he had to say next. She raised an eyebrow, and taking his comment for at least something of a dare, she could no longer hold back the part of her that wanted him underneath her on the floor.

With a little more force than was probably necessary, the goddess pushed Evan backward and down in the pile of cushions behind him. Still standing, her smile properly widened and, placing her hands on her hips, said, "What the fuck do you think I've been trying to do?"

Evan had hardly been his most stable, and went down embarrassingly easily. He tried to mitigate it, but only managed about half a step back of attempted recovery before officially losing his balance and landing on the cushions behind him. But, although his pride certainly took a hit, he couldn't help looking back up to the goddess with a smirk, his lungs letting out an airy chuckle to vent some of the excitement that the gesture swelled. It was time to get back into things--fucking finally.

The captain did narrow his eyes slightly at the goddess' comment, but kept on his smirk. Some part of him wondered if she'd totally understood him, but he decided it just wasn't worth it to split hairs here. He was fucking done being in that mental place, and hungry to move the fuck on. He'd said his piece, and she had heard it, and that was really all he'd needed to put whatever the fuck he'd gotten hung up about to rest.

"You've been all over the fucking map," he replied with a haughty tone and a deepened smirk as he pushed himself up on his elbows to look at the goddess more directly. "But at least I understand the lay of the land now." His eyebrow quirked just slightly, curious about her next move, but didn't bother to wait for her to make one before starting to push himself onto his feet again.

Evan's chuckle was fucking music to the goddess' ears, her entire being delighted that the mood seemed to be lightening and that both of them were prepared to let it. Even his smirk was absolutely delicious as she blinked slowly to keep her eyes from rolling back, her mouth salivating. At his comment, her tongue found the roof of her mouth and clicked quietly, but there was no hiding the fact that she was grinning from ear to ear.

"You think there's a map for how I should train my champion to go to the Underworld?" The goddess was completely and utterly unable to dissipate her grin in the slightest as she moved closer to Evan and casually pushed him down again. "I'm just trying to give you taste of what is possible," she said, moving swiftly over Evan but holding her body above him one arm, her lips slipping up alongside Evan's ear, whispering "and have a good fucking time while I'm at it."

With the other hand, she placed the scale onto Evan's chest and lowered herself down on top of it, the plunged neckline in her dress accommodating the scale perfectly so that both of their bare skin touched it on either side as the rest of the goddess' body tangled with Evan's, her idle arm finding his wrist, her legs intertwining with his, her lips settling just behind and below his ear.

Evan's smirk couldn't help edging towards an unabashedly happy grin seeing the goddess grinning from ear to ear herself. It was just so fucking relieving to have gotten back here, it was frankly difficult not to just fucking bask in it. Honestly, he couldn't find it in himself to be mad about getting pushed back down, and he let out something between a groan and a chuckle as he landed on the cushions once again.

The goddess' words echoed inside him--my champion--and he was torn between making an asshole comment about it or just reveling in the way it warmed and lightened his chest. Before he was anywhere near deciding, her lips brushed along his ear, whispering about having a good fucking time, and he couldn't help another groan-chuckle as he lifted his hands to run over her waist and her hips, his body absolutely lighting up to have her so near again and to finally be able to actually enjoy it.

An untamed gasp escaped him when he felt the scale on his chest--and the pressure and warmth of his chest, and immediately following, the pressure and warmth of the goddess' chest, against his own and also practically enveloping him. It felt so fucking good he couldn't even find it in himself to care that the goddess was taking hold of his wrist, he was entirely too fucking distracted by the ways in which their bodies pressed together and started eagerly, hungrily finding ways to intertwine.

The goddess was thrilled at the way Evan was practically lapping up her touch, and the warmth between the two of them radiated fiercely. She sank deeply into the sensation of his hand sliding over her skin and the places where the dress covered nothing. She intentionally lowered the rest of her body onto Evan, a small moan escaping her, eyes rolling back, as she pressed their lengths against each other, his from inside his pants, hers from inside her dress. The pressure was exquisite, and the goddess could not help but bite the side of Evan's neck almost playfully a few times in succession, one after the next. She slid her tongue against the edge of his jaw in all its texture and kissed deeply at the place where his jaw met his ear, which she knew would force him to salivate.

Then, her hand held Evan's wrist a little more tightly, and she pulled back enough that she could look at him, her grin faded but not altogether gone from her face. "There is one more thing I need to ask for," pausing for a moment to wait for Evan's reaction.

Evan's hips bucked excitedly beneath the goddess', ecstatic to feel her length pressing against his. He moaned as she bit and licked and kissed at his neck and his jaw, his head tilting happily to the side to make sure her access was easy. Though, he was starting to worry that he was being entirely too easy for her, when he felt her grip on his wrist tighten, finally prompting him to realize that actually, maybe he wasn't entirely pleased with one of his hands being held at bay.

He started to push against her grasp, but paused when she spoke. He couldn't deny that a pang of fear hit his chest. He couldn't really begrudge her an additional request at this juncture, but even so, the mere chance that it could unbalance things again terrified him. As long as it wasn't anything completely out of left field, though, it should be fine...right? Gods, he hoped so.

Evan swallowed and nodded cautiously, his own expression now mostly serious and attentive. His ability to keep it that way was tenuous at best, though; after a brief moment his eyebrows wavered briefly and subtly towards longing in time with his hips shifting slightly, unable to completely contain the yearning energy that he was now trying valiantly to keep at bay.

Evan's unfiltered desire still washed over her as he continued to press up against her, shifting against her even while his expression returned to an attempt at seriousness and focus. His desire for her was present across his brow and pulled her mouth fully into a smirk once more. Now this was the proper position for negotiating. For her, at least.

Holding his wrist down with ease, the goddess propped herself up on one elbow to look straight at Evan, enjoying the way the firelight distantly flickered across his face.

"I want you to help me make the cloak that Samael wants." She paused then, curious about Evan's response. "After all, it is partly your fault I had to offer it in the first place." Her smirk never once left her full, though it threatened a couple of times to turn again into a grin.