Written Wonderland

Evan might've been afraid when he'd first finished speaking and let his words ring in the air, but the way the goddess responded simply by sinking deeper into pleasure settled a relieved, happy, elated warmth in his chest with the pure and simple knowing that yes, she wanted that too. His expression melted into a raw, pleasure-filled gaze and a gentle, open-mouthed smile, excitement and anticipation vibrating in his body alongside the physical sensations of the goddess pounding into him and her electricity stinging happily at his arms.

He rode the building wave of their motions together with a rising sense of awe, tears already welling in his eyes at the thought of getting to experience this again. He reminded himself that he couldn't just lose himself in it, though; as pleasurable and elating as all of this was, he had to keep hold of the resolve to make it out the other side, for both their sakes. So when he felt the goddess tremble inside him, his intuition resisted fully clenching around her, instead keeping himself open and trembling in pleasure as the goddess filled him with warmth and electricity and that intense, ever-present flowing awe.

He was so fucking happy to be here again. He hardly had a concept of where else he'd been, only that he'd been elsewhere, and that nothing in all of creation could possibly be better than being back in this light and this flow and this divinity. It was honestly almost devastating when he heard the goddess' thoughts, forcing him to be a separate being again, and to grow aware of the difference between the refreshing chill of the river and the warmth of the goddess' embrace. But, these differences were good, too, and in them he found the resolve he'd brought with him to continue to remember them, and in particular, to remember that his will was his own. He groaned as he grabbed hold of that thought, a heavy melancholy pulling against his reach but no match for the stubbornness in his core.

By then, the light of the river and the surroundings he hadn't quite been able to look at were out of sight, and the captain's awareness sank back into his body on the cushions in the goddess' palace, pulses of longing and pleasure surging through him as his cock and his asshole twitched. His body felt in some ways betrayed, left in this state without so much as another body to hold onto, and yet, the captain couldn't deny that some part of him was glad for his body to be there. Maybe he just wanted the goddess to feel it, too; that was what he settled on, a smirk playing across his expression both internally and externally at the thought. That was about the extent of making light he could manage, though; he couldn't hide the overflowing warmth of the happiness he truly felt.

"I'm so fucking glad we made it back here."

His voice crooned, and despite the veneer of frustration, his body nearly hummed in agreement, even his cock seeming to twitch in time with the sentiment as he spoke.

The goddess' own words marked the moment at which she had fully transitioned into feeling Evan's body as her own, and the sensations flooded and surprised her. First, the warmth and triumph and glee at having merged successfully, followed quickly by the melancholy of him being, at least physically, alone. She felt pain in his chest--or perhaps her own chest--at that thought, though that was completely washed out of sight by the immense wave of hunger and longing still present in Evan's body. The sheer force of that sent a jolt of surprise, shock, and pride through the goddess, ricocheting down from Evan's torso all the way into his feet before she even understood what it meant..

What the hell? The goddess thought out of Evan's awareness. But, no, it was true, Evan had merged with her, had traveled to the river with her, without reaching that peak of pleasure that had always accompanied the journey. At first, she had no idea what to make of that. Had she somehow not performed well enough to give Evan that experience? Had he held that back from her out of spite from earlier? But none of those explanations matched the absolute bliss she was sure they experienced together. Had he done it for her, then? Whether or not that was true, another wave of delicious excitement washed through the body they shared at the thought. Perhaps he had wanted to show her that he really was serious about not falling prey to her. And, all things considered, no one had ever withstood her to that degree. If that was possible, then...

A warmth that nearly exceeded the experience of the river rushed through the body the goddess was in, an uncontrollable swelling of love and pride and surprise and outright happiness. What the fuck was this man? What else was he capable of?

But he had spoken, she remembered now, aloud, not in their shared mindspace. The thrum of his body's longing was incredibly distracting. She desperately wanted to reach Evan's own hands down to relieve the pressure, to answer the ache--or better yet to take advantage of one of her thralls in the process--but then a realization full of certainty hit the goddess. Evan could not have held back if he hadn't wanted to. He wanted this ache, this pain, this urging desperately. He had never felt so naked to her as in that moment, and there was no doubt in her mind that she was correct.

Far be it from her to deny him his desires, then, she thought with an internal smirk that Evan surely caught wind of. But that disappeared as some part of the goddess' mind parsed through what Evan's comment referred to. The sensation of the two of them being forcibly torn from this state by the portal unlocked within the goddess, and the echo of all the desperation, fear, and pain of that event rattled both of them. She thought about hiding it from Evan, but there was too much of it to catch everything, and finally she let it all spill out of her, letting her experience of it flood his awareness so he would see her equally as naked.

Once the memory had dissipated, the goddess grew warm again, reminding herself that that wasn't now, that they had merged again, that she had him here with her.

Almost unconsciously, she moved Evan's right hand to his chest, and another wave of pleasure and longing coincided with the feeling of comfort the gesture provoked. Tears welled in the eyes of the body they shared as the goddess' gratitude intermingled with all the other unruly emotions present. Fuck, in some ways this felt even more potent than the first time they had merged, likely exactly because Evan had denied himself. Fuck. She couldn't... she couldn't fault him for this. It was incredible.

You are truly something else, the goddess managed to finally say within Evan's mind, her velvety voice echoing with pleasure and pride through Evan's mind. Evan's body shook its head in time with her comment.

Evan basked in the warmth and pride and affection that rushed through his body. He could scarcely tell if it came from him or the goddess; he was still getting the hang of figuring out the boundaries between them in this state, and besides, it was very possible it honestly came from them both.

He enjoyed the fantasies that came to mind of the goddess being so affected by the state of the body that she couldn't help reaching their hands down to rub one out, or going to find a thrall to make use of, and their cock swelled and bobbed in excitement at the thought. But the hands remained still, and Evan had no idea whether he was holding her back or whether she was holding herself back or whether he was holding himself back or where the fantasy had even come from or echoed into, and honestly, in the moment, none of it much mattered. In a lot of ways he still felt like he was in the flow of that river, enjoying the way its light still seemed to course through him, mind and body alike. Every sensation he could feel was just so fucking good, he scarcely cared what happened. He was sure he felt the goddess internally smirk, and that only made his own happy, blissful, carefree smile all the brighter.

At least, until the memories of their parting the previous night came pouring in.

Gods, it was painful enough remembering his own emptiness and loneliness and devastation, but now his thoughts swirled around in hers, palpably feeling the rage and the loneliness and the emptiness and... shame, that she had cycled through after their parting. Evan tried to shift his attention away from that last feeling at least, surprise and embarrassment and apology reverberating in their shared consciousness as the captain somewhat flailed around trying to figure out how to give the goddess privacy in this situation. He felt like he shouldn't have felt that part, like it had been a violation for him to pay any attention to it at all. Confusion also echoed in his thoughts--he couldn't for the life of him understand where the goddess' shame had come from, but granted, he was spending significantly more of his attention trying to move the fuck on rather than formulate guesses.

Luckily, moving the fuck on was effortless when the goddess moved his hand to his chest. The motion filled his body and his consciousness with warmth and serenity, and the reminder that whatever he and the goddess had gone through last night, they were here now, together and connected and back in sync. Fuck, and then her voice rang loud and clear in his mind,

You are truly something else.

He could tell she was pleased with him--proud of him--in a way that he'd have a real fucking difficult time believing except for the fact he could feel it. The body had already been tearing up, and after the goddess' comment it let out a sob, Evan's left hand hastily coming up to cover his mouth and muffle it. He hadn't even wanted to control the body in that moment, but the strength of the gratitude and relief and joy that he felt had demanded expression. Evan managed to keep the physical expression at that for the moment, but internally he was a godsdamned mess, embarrassment and fear mixing into and muddying his happiness as he couldn't help worrying about how bare and naked this felt, knowing the goddess could feel just how fucking moved he was by her approval. He couldn't help worrying she'd find it pathetic, or whether he'd misunderstood something, somehow, and actually, her feelings of pleasure and pride for him were lukewarm at best and he was wildly overreacting. And knowing that she could just as easily see his worries now brought in feelings of panic, mixing and muddying everything further as he frantically started to search for a way out of this spiral he was falling into.

((OOC: the thing Evan perceived as shame was what Dehaljadrun experienced as the weight of letting Evan down in this post. Based on your reply to my question about what poured out, it seemed like Evan would get that emotional beat without the context of the memory. Plus, this also seemed like the most fun framing lol.

Also, Evan isn't going to spend much time in his current spiral, but we figured however the goddess is presently responding to it will probably affect how he gets himself out of it, assuming the goddess doesn't snap him out of it herself, so it seemed like a good place to pause ))

Somehow, the goddess hadn't expected Evan's reaction, feeling the way he brought his hand up to cover his mouth. Closing her inward eyes, she felt into Evan's emotions, trying to understand, but they were swirling and amassing into a small hurricane around both of their consciousnesses. Dehaljadrun felt into both his disbelief in her comment and his immense desire to believe her. She felt the pride that swelled in him as he felt her pride, and the worry that clouded over it all, and the goddess wasn't sure she liked the direction Evan's thoughts were headed. A mere compliment had done this to him?

Inhaling dramatically with Evan's body, the goddess said Evan's name gently inside their shared mindscape. Afterward, more tersely, she said, Evan, enough. His worry and doubt was unsettling to her, especially so soon after she had resolved not to let her own doubt drive what they would do together. Self-doubt doesn't look good on you. Her last comment came with a smirk, hoping that he would take the levity well. Besides, she added, we have work to do.

The goddess' words wrangled the swirling anxiety in Evan's mind, condensing and hardening it into a heavy, uncomfortable ball that settled into the body's stomach. It was very palpably not gone or even really lessened in the slightest, but now at least it was out of the way and no longer tying up Evan's attention. Embarrassment colored the body's cheeks, and the captain turned determined and somewhat irritated attention to the goddess. He did catch her inward smirk, and on some level appreciated it--it lightened the ball of anxiety in the stomach somewhat--but it only sharpened his irritation. Granted, his irritation was in truth mostly at himself, but he wasn't about to make that obvious to the goddess if he could help it.

Subtle pinpricks of a desire to separate needled at the back of Evan's mind, some part of him longing again for the privacy of separate bodies, but he couldn't bring himself to actually entertain the notion. The part that was needling at him tried to pull up the concept of hiding behind physical expressions he could control, but before it could find anything tangible to make its case, the captain found instead a memory from their initial negotiation, the sensation of the goddess drawing his fantasies and desires to the surface in a way he knew he couldn't even hope to hide. He reminded himself that he'd chosen to lean into that moment, to embrace being laid bare to her rather than lament it. Granted, it was a hell of a lot easier to be cavalier about sexual desire than about--what the fuck even was that? Sentimentality, he supposed? Even so, he knew he wanted to stay here with her, and he knew that meant embracing his lack of privacy rather than lamenting it.

The captain exhaled through the body, in a way that managed to dull his irritation and untangle the ball of anxiety in his stomach--though, it was certainly still sticking around, just now more able to shift and flow.

What next, then?

Irritation was certainly still present in his mind, but it was also clear that he was ready--not to mention eager--to move on.

The goddess inwardly held her breath as Evan responded by pulling his swirling emotions away from her. He was closing down, and some part of her panicked, though if Evan heard it, it was a quiet expression within his mind. Once she got that under control, however, she realized that they had to create some semblance of separation if they were going to stay this way for any length of time.

Evan's longing for their separation, though, she felt that as though it were screaming in her mind, and the body's eyes welled up again before an enormous rush of blood pushed lower in their body. Suddenly, she hungered for it, too, potently, though another part of her wished it weren't true. But, slowly, she felt him regain his resolve and center himself in the fact that he, again, chose this, which warmed within in her what had threatened to turn to ice. He was fighting with his own desires, but she continued to be moved by his choices.

Everything told, the goddess was awash with the potency of Evan's emotions, and she could not help but press the body into the floor in response, one of Evan's hands grasping at one of the nearby cushions.

Fuck, was she even in control here?

Evan's internal response called her back, though, and she collected herself, at least momentarily.

Next, the goddess said with allure, her internal voice vibrating through them both, I show you how to summon the gates of the underworld.

Summoning the gates of the Underworld, eh? That was in fact excellent news on multiple fronts.

Relief and then fear (of the rather more fun variety) and then excitement washed through Evan's consciousness in quick succession, flowing and vibrating along with the allure of the goddess' voice. The anxiety in his stomach untangled even further, now loose strands humming almost in harmony with a new thrum of exhilaration rising up from his gut. Inwardly, he started to recollect a smirk, as he grabbed for control of the body and aimed to push himself to his feet. Summoning the gates to the Underworld hardly sounded like something to do from the floor.

Now we're talking.

There was certainly a strand of not-so-fun fear vibrating amongst everything else, threatening to wrench Evan's attention back to that cold, lonely, excruciating night in the woods. He did his best to neither ignore that strand nor let it take hold of him, and to balance the humming of everything inside him into something pleasurable and strong. Above all else, if he was being truly honest, he was glad that the goddess still seemed to be taking him seriously after what had just happened, and he was absolutely resolved to rise to the task.

The rush of Evan's exhilaration coupled with the shift in their center of gravity made the goddess dizzy, but the excitement was contagious, and she recovered quickly. His resolution purred against her confidence.

Walk out into the meadow, she commanded, her voice resounding from the corners of his mind, show me you can twist something else into existence first.

The goddess waited until Evan followed her instruction before she gave any further direction. My realm is made of the fabric of dreams. Everything is more malleable. Show me that you can add something that wasn't here before.

She performed the mental equivalent of putting her hands on her hips and made the body shiver with anticipation, blood rushing again toward distraction.

(OOC: She's prepared to add her power to his once and if he gets some cohesion in his mind about what he wants to appear. It will definitely feel like she is flowing through [or out] of him. Also, if he wants to be a brat and not follow her initial directions, we can change the post; it just felt awkward to end earlier, and she insisted "he's going to do it."

There was a pull to disobey the goddess in some way, a knee-jerk response to the tone in which she commanded him to the meadow, but he reigned it in, finding it more pleasurable to wind that impulse into the thrum of excitement and anxiety within him rather than indulge in it alone. Besides, the notion of why she wanted him to go outside was far too interesting not to pursue. Not that some disbelief didn't also swell inside him, but like hell he was going to let himself fall back into that particular spiral again, certainly not so fucking soon. In his recollected resolve, he almost couldn't help but believe that he could do whatever she asked of him, and that was a thrilling thought indeed.

He walked silently through the palace and out into the meadow, curiosity building about what she'd have him twist into existence first, but content not to ask while he was still in motion. He didn't have to wait long; she began speaking in his mind again as soon as he stepped outside, though it was difficult to focus on what she was saying as the body shivered through a recollection of the scale rolling through the grass the night before. There was a brief urge to feel embarrassed--especially as a part of him felt like it was getting ridiculous, how easily he could get lost in that memory--but he pushed aside the discomfort to try to refocus on what the goddess was saying.

She wanted him to decide what to make? Or, summon? He wasn't sure which was the best way to think about it. He set his hands on his hips, not even realizing it echoed the way the goddess seemed to pose in his mind. He had to admit he was uneasy again, doubt licking at the edges of his perception as he fumbled through hazy ideas on what he ought to bring forth. Would she care what it was, or did she truly just want something? Something that wasn't here before...

It felt a little cliché, but the most solid thought to make it to the front of Evan's mind was his sword. He had yet to bring it to her realm, and he'd long since memorized every detail of it. Besides, weren't they going hunting later? The captain once again shoved away his discomfort, and chanced a grin as he settled on, yes, calling forth his sword.

At first he pictured it in the abstract--flickers of details, the feel of it in his hand, the sound of it clashing against another. Then he thought about how he wanted it to appear here--in his hand? No, for whatever reason, he wanted it piercing the ground in front of them. He didn't question why, just proceeded to picture it here; the ways that its metal would glint in the cool misty light. He could feel the goddess flowing through him alongside the concept of his sword, relieving whatever anxiety he had that his choice in object might not be what she had in mind; in the very least, she seemed to be helping his concept flow.

Before he knew it, he realized that he was seeing--not just picturing--his sword in the ground in front of him. At first the sight was hazy, but he continued stringing together details about it from his memory, though as the sight began to coalesce, his grin widened and he cast some details aside in favor of others. Why not make this sword newer? Shinier, sharper, untarnished and--why the fuck not?--with a small decorative engraving on the side in a geometric, knot-like pattern near the hilt. Evan wasn't sure where that came from--it sure as fuck wasn't on his sword--but he wasn't about to question it, especially not since it quite frankly looked damn fucking good.

He waited, watching and imagining and shaping this sword into what he wanted it to be, until the details seemed solidified even when he let his attention wane. His smile widened even further and he stepped forward, now ready to take this fully-forged sword into his hand. He grasped the hilt, tingles of pride and excitement dancing up his arm and down his back, and then he pulled the blade from the ground and shivered gleefully as he marvelled at the weight in his hand and the light glinting off the blade just the way he'd imagined it. Holy fucking shit this was exhilarating; he couldn't help thinking briefly about how fucking fun it would be to tell Xavier about this once he returned.

((OOC: Obvs, lmk if anything wouldn't have happened quite the way I described it. Felt like I was taking more than a few shots in the dark but figured it was better to just go with it than ask a million questions lol))

Dehaljadrun paid close attention as Evan started to imagine an object into being and was pleased--in more ways than one--when he settled on manifesting his sword. She was surprised and at first disappointed that he wasn't staying true to the original--it nearly felt as though he were closing off from her again by showing her a more manicured version than the truth--but as it began to take a clearer shape, the goddess saw that Evan had sculpted a blade truly worthy of the value he had to her.

As he picked up the weapon, the goddess could not help but lean into the nerves in Evan's hand, sensing into the strange familiarity Evan must have felt with it fitting so well into his grip. She moved his other hand to trace the geometry on it with his fingers, memorizing its weight and shape. With a shock, the goddess emitted a shock of light out of Evan's sword arm that made the sword glow with her purple electricity. Yes, now it was complete, pulsing from within with her power. Gods, this was intoxicating. She could not deny, at least to herself, that she wanted Evan to have this power.

So the gates of the underworld should be no problem for you, then, the goddess said throughout Evan's mind, stroking more than his ego from within him and humming into the vibration he created in his own body. They are different for anyone who enters them, the goddess added, watching. This time, she would not lend him her power.

((OOC: We are unattached to whether he fails or succeeds, but it is possible for him to succeed, just to make that clear. She's given him enough by this point to help, and Dehaljadrun's realm is malleable enough that he would be able to manifest them on his own if he tried really hard and could come up with an image of them that resonated deeply with himself and what he thought he was going to find there.

Also, the sword will not vanish if Evan stops focusing on it. If he wants to get fancy, he could make a sheath or something, we suppose. Or he could keep holding it.

Also also, someone in my brain is like, "He would summon a sword. Hawwwwwwwt.))