Written Wonderland

Idel hungrily took in Evan's answer, down to the shrug of his shoulders and the slight toss of his head. He grinned for a moment before remembering himself and leaning backward slightly to feign a slight disinterest and compensate for how much he wanted to lean forward with the exact opposite.

Healing wounds, though. That's the part Idel registered first. That could be an enormous boon the cause, although he couldn't imagine a goddess like her being content in an infirmary tent.

Wait, she burned Evan and then healed him? Why? Show of force? Curiosity? Pleasure?

Hmm... With less lasting consequences, he could begin to see a strange appeal in that.

Even Raccoon was silent for a few moments, their eyes cast toward the ground before suddenly flicking up to ask, "Did you scream? They crossed their arms as they said this, but it was clear from their cocked hip and slight smirk that they were impressed.

This time Evan's brow arched in curious surprise as he returned his gaze to the soldier. It wasn't entirely that he was surprised by the question, but he wasn't confident what to make of how it was asked, or how it fit in with the rest of the way the soldier was acting and holding themself. They seemed impressed, at least, which was a relief, but 'impressed' wasn't all that was going on, even though Evan couldn't quite put his finger on the rest. The captain took his time on his bite of food, contemplating what direction he wanted to take this. Idel's attempt to look disinterested also didn't escape him, but he felt far less uncertain about what that response meant.

"At the top of my fucking lungs." Evan replied after he finally swallowed his food. His expression started out deathly serious, but softened into a smile that was quite a bit more gentle than his usual. He'd meant it as a reassurance that he didn't want pity, or for the soldier to feel like they shouldn't have asked the question, though he also hoped the seriousness of his expression at the start conveyed the weight of the experience. Or, y'know, some fraction of it, at least.

Blush started to seep back into the captain's expression, which grew more serious again as he really thought back on how fucking much had been going on in that moment the other night. Not just the searing pain, but also his resolve and longing and the absolute clusterfuck of emotions around her cock finally thrusting into him for the first time after--

Evan's fist thumped down against the table, not terribly hard but hard enough to startle himself back to attention, and the way the sound had startled him was embarrassingly evident in the captain's expression. His first instinct was to stuff his face again, but he stopped as soon as his gaze refocused on his food, and his stomach turned. He'd been so fucking hungry just moments before, but just like that his appetite was nowhere to be found. And in the meantime, the strangeness of his fist hitting the table was practically ringing in the air, stoking Evan's embarrassment further.

"Uh, it's... y'know, a lot." He finally said, feeling a little frantic to say something. He couldn't bring himself to meet either of his companions' gazes, instead watching his hand relax from a fist and flex back into it again on the table. "Not all bad--gods, not by a longshot--" Fuck, wasn't he supposed to be selling this? Maybe not; maybe telling it like it is was the right thing, anyway. But was he even doing that? The way he was feeling about it all right then was... not how he remembered feeling about it before, nor had ever expected to feel about it. He felt confused and unreal, but he shook his head and tried to find any of the abundance of memories about his time with the goddess that would surely snap him out of this. The first thought that came to mind was the grass on his back--beneath that rolling scale, threatening to pull tears into his eyes. But, ah-ha! Dragon. That was sure to be a good story. Evan finally regathered a grin, and returned his gaze to Idel and then the other soldier and then back again.

"Probably the highlight the other night was flying. The goddess changed into a fucking dragon, and I rode on her back all over her realm. Even did some spins in the air. It was fucking exhilarating." Whew, yes, there was his enthusiasm back at full force, and with it his appetite. Time for another bite while that was still the case then, though he was optimistic that he could keep himself collected for quite a while on this hopefully fresh train of conversation.

Raccoon did not expect the seriousness of Evan's expression, but they had to give the guy props for honesty. Raccoon was gearing up for another question when Evan's fist thumped the table, and at that point, Raccoon was certain they had gone too far and should withdraw. In fact, they took a couple steps backward almost unconsciously, ready to flee.

Idel moved forward again toward Evan, a desire to both reassure Evan and prevent Raccoon from taking it further welling up in his chest. Maybe it was unfair to force Evan to go it alone with such a curious and notably rambunctious youngster. Idel relaxed a little as Evan started talking again, however, and relaxed even further as Evan grinned and looked up at Idel.

At the word "flying," Idel could not help but lean in, and then the word "dragon" came out of Evan's mouth, and Idel let out a short, quiet gasp. Whatever he thought Evan was going to say--some kind of dismissal or lude comment--dragon was at the very bottom of that list. Idel tilted his head backward and to the side, unable to stop from imagining what such a thing would be like--that glorious wind through his hair, and the goddess beneath him, her steady wings competently flying ever forward. It did not even occur to Idel that Evan was joshing them.

That would be one hell of a way to enter battle.

Raccoon's next comment successfully snapped Idel out of his own reverie. "Dragon?!" Raccoon said loudly, but then looked around and managed something just louder than a whisper, which was impressive for them. "The goddess is a dragon and you got to ride her? Bullshit." But then, even quieter and looking down and away, the soldier said, "Man, captains have all the fun."

Evan practically basked in Idel's response; quiet though it was, Evan was excellent at picking up on anything like awe-filled astonishment, especially when he'd set out to inspire that very emotion. He was a little irritated when the other soldier called bullshit, but the way the soldier's gaze fell as they muttered about captains having all the fun made Evan relax, if feel a bit awkward.

Especially once he realized that other folks had absolutely started paying attention at the soldier's exclamation about the dragon. No one else had quite committed to venturing over just yet, but heads were turned.

Hoo boy. All right, well... where to go from here, then? He did kind of feel like he needed to answer the soldier's 'bullshit' comment in some way. Or maybe just their complaint about captains having all the fun... was now too soon to reveal the trade? The tug to get into it was strong, so... fuck it.

Evan regathered another grin, and leaned towards the soldier in a way that broadcasted he was about to share a secret, though his gaze flickered briefly to Idel as well before he spoke.

"There is an opportunity to go to her realm, if you're interested."

He'd leave it at that for now, and gauge the soldier's response; there was a chance Evan was calling a bluff with this, and if so, it wasn't worth diving into details just yet. He kept a subtle eye on Idel as well; trading another captain probably wouldn't be the best call strategically, but if Idel got onboard on principal here, then he could sell this to some of his troops, which was also gonna need to be part of this process.

Idel raised a casual eyebrow at the idea, suddenly torn away from thinking about whether he should worry about the fact that the three of them were gathering something of an audience. Idel resisted the urge to scratch at his hair and instead cast his gaze excitedly in Raccoon's direction. Gods, they were all in on it now.

Hell yeah, Idel was interested. Nominally. Theoretically.

Assuming I could come back, Idel thought. But he exactly knew that being unable to guarantee safety was part of what made it an adventure. Evan could guarantee no such thing, and they all knew it.

"Really," Raccoon said, unable to help themself from sitting on top of the table next to Evan, an obvious excitement flashing in their smile. It was as much a challenge as it was a hope.

Whatever it was, it was contagious, and Idel caught it. He looked back at Evan and nodded, a serious expression over his face. As exciting as this was, this was all exceedingly relevant to their cause and demanded some sobriety.

Oh, good, neither of them were running away from the possibility, and it looked like they were both even taking it seriously, to boot. Evan leaned back in his chair, sobering his expression a bit as well. It seemed like the business side of this was maybe the place to start, at least for the benefit of the other captain present.

"The goddess has agreed to release Shel'ti soldiers in exchange for ours. We'll need ten men to free all the Shel'ti, which should secure their assistance in the war. It certainly won't be a cakewalk, but it'll probably get volunteers out of combat, and it sure as fuck will get them out of this godsdamned limbo we're in right now--and into the palace of the goddess of dreams and desire. Not a bad deal, if you ask me."

Raccoon looked down and didn't say anything, his face falling a bit.

"She's trading us?" Raccoon said, at least half horrified.

Idel caught the note of concern in Raccoon's voice and quickly calculated whether the cost was worth it for the sake of the cause. He couldn't discount the possibility.

All right, then. This could really go either way, but Idel definitely understood Raccoon's distaste for the idea.

"I don't suppose there will be any leaving," Idel said, half question, half statement, his voice low and melancholy as his eyes widened a little. He needed Evan to verbally confirm it, but Idel already believed it would be the case.

There aren't any myths of the goddess letting someone go, that much Idel knew.

Evan's mood fell pretty dramatically, and a defensive impulse clenched in his chest. He was about to speak back to the soldier's question--whether it was meant to be rhetorical or not--when Idel spoke up, with a different, only-slightly-less rhetorical question.

"Probably not until after the war is over," Evan answered seriously, "Maybe longer. The goddess does seem specifically interested in people who want to be with her, and I will make it a priority to find fresh volunteers once the war is won." Which was, admittedly, not something Evan had committed to before then, but it seemed like a reasonable commitment. It was also true that he wasn't positive that was how this would work, though. Gods damn it. "But... yeah, I can't make any guarantees."

Evan was primarily meeting Idel's gaze, hoping his fellow captain wasn't judging him or his plan too harshly. After a brief pause, though, he realized that perhaps he did still want to address the soldier and their concern.

"We're only recruiting volunteers; no one will be forced to go. We may be able to secure the Shel'ti with a portion of their soldiers freed if not enough of our men want to volunteer."

At this point, Evan was regretting leading with business rather than selling it more upfront. He didn't want to make it sound like the experience would be all sunshine and roses, but he did feel like he'd leaned far too hard on the rougher aspects of it, and skipped right over the fucking ecstasy. He felt like it'd sound hollow if he tried to recover that part of it right now, though; he'd let his elaboration about the logistics stand for now, and gauge how--if--that managed to shift things.

Idel wondered how long it would be until the war was over. A year? Two years? Longer? There had certainly been wars that had lasted decades, though somehow Idel didn't think Mizu would let that happen with this civil war. They were already flagging, and if they couldn't make a critical move now, it was difficult to imagine that they would fully recover, and Mizu wouldn't want to risk more lives than she absolutely had to. That's something Idel had always appreciated about her leadership style. She was never too stubborn to see the human element of it all, stoic though she was.

But, still, even considering that the volunteers would be able to leave all the fighting behind, which Idel himself was none too fond of, that sounded like a long time.

Yet, Evan seemed very assured that the goddess only wanted people who wanted to be there, and that also contradicted all the myths Idel had ever heard of her.

But here was a man sitting in front of them who had genuinely been with her. Who was Idel to believe except Evan?

Idel sighed, worried about what the end result of all this would be but, as ever, willing to see it through.

"It seems we have few other choices," Idel said after an agonizing moment of silence. Although, after a moment, Idel crooked a small smile. "But I think you're right that there will be people who want to go. I could ask around. That's all certainly more than Nick bargained for, but who knows? He might enjoy it. I would miss the guy, but..." Idel trailed off and looked away but circled back to Evan. "You've got to help me sell this, though. I mean, does the goddess give dragon rides to everyone?" Idel chuckled at the thought and felt he already knew the answer.

Raccoon, who had been uncharacteristically pensive, finally said, "I want to think about it... but color me interested." It was the most serious they had been all conversation.

Evan's chest finally unclenched and relaxed when Idel said he thought Evan was right about some men wanting to go. Thank fucking gods he at least didn't have to sell that part of it right now. Though, it was occurring to him that he couldn't speak with confidence about the actual experience of being a thrall; it presumably would differ somewhat from his experience. Among other things, no, Evan doubted the goddess gave the thralls rides on her dragon--

Or, maybe he just wanted to doubt that. A jealous blush lit his cheeks on fire at the thought of someone else soaring through the air on the goddess’ back. After all, it hadn't just been fun; it had been vulnerable, or at least, he had believed at the time that it was. He supposed he had no reason to doubt it now other than his own imagination, so he tried to push that aside and pull up what he did know of the thralls' experiences.

If nothing else, he knew that Trevor had been whipped and bitten, so the goddess certainly didn't only use them as towel boys and--whatever the fuck Philip and that other soldier had been to her the other night. Evan shook his head and refocused on his conversation with Trevor, diving vividly into the way they’d compared notes about the goddess’ whip.

"Well, here's where we actually get into tales about her, I suppose." Evan finally said as he mustered a coy sort of grin. "I don't know exactly what she does with her thralls when I'm not there, but in talking with one of the men who woke up, it sounded like it's pretty much the same shit she does with me. Maybe not dragon rides, but..." Evan took stock of Idel and the soldier with them, and a couple of the other curious soldiers still stealing glances from nearby. Maybe it was high time to get to the lurid shit.

Though, gods, where to even start? Admittedly most of the first flashes to come to mind were, uh, rough, which not every audience would be into. Though, maybe that was honest? But, he was trying to sell it now; Idel would expect Evan's comments right now to be skewed, so finding the most palatable parts did seem honest in that sense. There-- there were palatable parts, right?

Evan sighed--though kept his coy grin--and ran his hand back through his hair, in part just to buy him some time as he thought. Where had this all even started? Lightning bands on his ankles and then his wrists. The goddess changing into Xavier. Banter about him saying her name. His lips tingled at the thought of that, and, of course, his cock was already swollen again. At least it didn't feel inappropriate given the conversation.

But, fuck, was any of that palatable? He was running out of time to think of something to say next. Maybe he needed to give up on 'palatable', or maybe he just needed to stop worrying that his tastes were so different from everyone else's; after all, Trevor had shared them, why not others? Or, maybe it would be better still to just fucking own what his tastes were, to put the rough shit in context. Fuck it.

"She pushes me to my limits." Evan finally said, returning his gaze to Idel's with his grin widened a bit sinisterly. "And I wouldn't have it any other way. First thing she did when I got there was manifest these fuckin-- bands of lightning, pinning me down, shocking me if I moved, trying to get me to say her name. Gods, keeping that from her in spite of the shocks was fucking intoxicating."

The captain watched Idel's expression, and tried to gauge the other soldier's expression without being too obvious that he was looking. Gods, he wanted to be confident and cocky right now, but apparently he was also absolutely terrified that this would only hurt his goal and his credibility in the army. Right wrong or indifferent, Evan felt the need to backpedal, and let himself do it, his sinister grin softening into a bit of a sheepish one.

"I know that probably sounds crazy. I don't know how to explain it, but... it was exactly what I wanted. Maybe not moment-to-moment, but every single bad moment paid off tenfold."

... Fuck, was that actually true, though?

Maybe it was true about the first night, but Evan's face paled when he thought about the second. Oh, there were some fucking glorious moments that second night, but... would he really say that breaking face-down under Philip had paid off? Fuck, there was the nausea again, and it almost certainly showed.

"...For the most part. Fuck." Evan wanted to bang his fist on the table again, but he managed to just clench it along with his jaw and practically every other muscle in his body, his gaze shifting uncomfortably to the side. Panic was also starting to rise--what if he couldn't salvage this? Here the soldier with them had said they were interested, and Evan had probably already fucked that up. He was vividly imagining literally flipping the fucking table and storming off to escape the situation, consequences be damned; his clenched muscles might've been the only thing keeping him from following through.

((OOC: Okay, at this point, Evan might well keep rambling and digging himself into a hole, but it occurred to us that the way Idel and Raccoon appear to be reacting, even if they don't say anything, may affect what direction Evan goes next. And obvs if they do say something, that'll be mega relevant, so I'ma pause here for now~))