Written Wonderland

Idel listened patiently as Evan rambled through his explanation. Once Evan started talking about the lightning bands, Idel finally felt like they were getting into the heart of what being with the goddess was like, but Evan didn't talk about that for long. So the volunteers would be restrained? But only if they wanted to be. Right? Idel was confused. In what other ways hand the goddess pushed Evan to his limits?

But there was some reassurance in what Evan said about anything bad happening paying off ten-fold.

...at least until he said "for the most part" and cursed. Idel raised a curled finger to his lips in contemplation and finally could not help but burst out with laughter, quieting whatever Raccoon might have said in the silence.

Once he had composed himself after a short moment, Idel said, "it's a good thing you're an army captain and not a merchant." Idel let that sentiment hang in the air, hoping that it would lighten the mood and that Evan wouldn't take it as a poorly intentioned criticism.

After a moment of gauging Evan's reaction, Idel returned to a more neutral--if not serious--expression and said, "So, to sum up, you enjoy being pushed to your limits, and the goddess does that to you. I'm assuming there are times she takes it too far..." Idel paused to look at Evan to confirm this and nodded, "...but the extremes--both of ecstasy and agony--might be less for her... thralls?" The word felt strange to say, but Idel supposed it was appropriate given the circumstances. Idel thought for a moment more, turning his head upward and to the left to do so. Finally, dropping his finger from near his mouth and turning back toward Evan, he asked, "Is she... is she worthy of worship?" Idel meant it not as a slight but as a genuine question, though he wouldn't have been surprised if the question only made Evan more uncomfortable. Still, Idel felt that, in order to find volunteers, they needed to use every angle they had available, and Idel figured that being as close as possible to a truly divine presence might well be a useful one.

Raccoon continued to watch the exchange between men quietly, satisfied enough in the direction of the conversation not to interrupt, though Evan's rambling was nearly maddening. Regardless, Raccoon felt as though their own mind was already made up.

At the sound of laughter Evan threw a wide-eyed glare at his companion, his expression making it very fucking clear that Idel had better choose his next words wisely. Honestly, if it had been one of the other captains, Evan couldn't say for certain he wouldn't have let a punch fly. But, as much as the laughter pissed him right the fuck off, Evan didn't know Idel to be dismissive, so he held himself stiff, waiting to see where the fuck the older captain was going with this.

In the end, Idel made some quip about how much Evan clearly sucked at selling shit, to which Evan rolled his eyes dramatically, his face burning red and his gaze ultimately settling off again to the side. Idel wasn't wrong--obviously--but that didn't stop Evan from feeling embarrassed as shit.

Luckily the captain continued to talk, and Evan very slowly relaxed and nodded, glad to hear what he'd been trying to say echoed back to him. He looked a little surprised and uncertain when Idel mentioned the thralls, though--Evan had no clue if their experiences would be muted compared to his or not. It'd be hard to imagine they'd be more intense, at least. But he didn't get much time to ponder that idea before Idel went and asked if the goddess was worthy of worship.

Evan shifted his gaze back to Idel, his expression now significantly more relaxed, but also absolutely serious.

"Without a doubt, yes." Honestly, he was glad to have a question he could answer both simply and confidently. He wasn't positive how to convince someone of that who was wary, but he himself absolutely believed it, and it certainly didn't hurt to express every ounce of confidence he had there.

That said, it probably would be good if he could elaborate some from there, so Evan searched for what else might be good to say on that subject.

"I told Mizu after my first night with the goddess, that for the first time in my life, I felt like I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing, and I meant it. And that was even before..." Evan did let his voice trail off, but his body language held attention in a different way than the other times he'd done so. He wasn't panicked about what to say, but thoughtful, and searching for just the right thing.

"I mean, fuck, she actually entered--like, took control of my body--shared control with me, really. We've done that twice now and I cannot imagine experiencing anything more divine."

A smile was finally returning to Evan’s face as he spoke, the angry embarrassed red fading from his skin and his eyes slowly widening in excitement.

“I’ll never forget, the first time we merged like that, we walked out to the clearing--” he stood from his chair now, his expression fully elated by this point, and he raised his arm above him in the air “--and she called down a lighting bolt right there in front of me, scorched the fucking ground. It vibrated through my whole fucking body.” He brought his arm down slowly and almost delicately, his other hand coming up to absent-mindedly run its fingers over the skin of his forearm, tracing the remnants of electric tingles his memory pulled up.

“And the whole time, there was this… river, I guess. It’s hard to describe because it wasn’t made of water, or anything I could describe really, other than maybe just light. Not there in the world, but like… inside my body with us, maybe.”

A sense of embarrassment was starting to bloom, as Evan realized he’d been speaking pretty fucking loudly and that at least a couple soldiers around them were looking skeptical. And here he was rambling about a river of light… But he refocused on Idel, hopeful that his fellow captain at least was earnestly hearing him out.

“It was fucking magifiscent, and honestly? I really fucking hope that other people get to experience that, too.”

Which, surprised Evan as soon as he had said it, but it was true. Not that he wouldn’t also feel jealous as fuck about someone else experiencing that with the goddess, but that seemed entirely fucking beside the point right now.

Xavier's stomach growled. He had been trying his best to keep his mind off Evan--off all the things they did and almost did in his tent yesterday--but that hadn't exactly been successful. He'd gone for a run, talked to some of his peers, stared into a campfire... yes, it would all have been well and nice if some part of his mind--and, well, his body--hadn't been urging him to seek Evan out. Just go into his tent already, it would say. Evan said you could. But the more rational parts of Xavier's mind knew that Evan needed his rest and trusted that he would see Evan at some point soon, surely. Xavier was his lieutenant after all.

After the sun had hit its midpoint in the sky, Xavier decided it was past time for him to eat, and he welcomed yet another distraction, making his way to the mess tent. He was surprised to see that almost everyone there had their heads turned toward one table. It took Xavier little-to-no time to register that it was Evan at the center of attention.

"...took control of my body--shared control with me, really. We've done that twice now..." Xavier's body went through a whirlwind of emotions. First, there was an abrupt and nearly unbearable spike of excitement up through Xavier's belly and into his throat. Then a feeling of embarrassment as he registered the arousal still latent in his body. And then, he realized who Evan was talking to. Idel, Xavier supposed, made sense. He at least was another captain, but then there was that rambunctious soldier listening in, and Evan was quickly drawing a crowd. All before having told Xavier much of the same information.

Tears began welling up in Xavier's eyes, but he blinked them away quickly and turned his back so he could collect his food.

Xavier, you have to get over this. You can't get butthurt every time Evan talks to someone else. It was true, and Xavier knew it, so once he took a deep breath to settle all the emotions in his body, he took his food, summoned up something of a smile that was, granted, not exceedingly convincing, and sat down at the end of the table with Evan and his entourage. While it might have otherwise been presumptuous to do this, Xavier was Evan's lieutenant and at least belonged at the same table.

--

Idel listened to Evan speak, his body resonating--finally--to the words Evan was saying. Yes, Evan was fully and completely convinced that this goddess was real and was... good. Blissful, at least. And worthy of worship. Idel could tell how awestruck Evan was, and his heart fluttered on Evan's behalf. He was grateful that Evan was genuinely enjoying himself and that this task wasn't simply a burden to him.

And--if Idel was being honest--the merging Evan was talking about... did sound enjoyable. Impossible, but exceedingly enjoyable. Idel loved watching Evan's expressions grow more and more animated as he spoke.

He was about to respond to Evan when Xavier sat down at the table looking a little... off. Idel wondered if it had something to do with the conversation they were currently having. Had Xavier felt left out? How much of this did Xavier know already?

Idel absentmindedly waved at Xavier, a small wave, but hopefully enough to make the boy feel welcome. Much to his surprise, Xavier spoke directly back to Evan's monologue, saying quietly with a more authentic smile now, "I experienced it." He then took a bite of his food and played it off as though he hadn't said anything out of the ordinary at all. Idel raised at eyebrow at looked at Evan. Xavier hadn't been a thrall, so how did this happen?

Raccoon, who had ignored Xavier up until this moment, whipped their head around and grinned. "Did she shoot lightning out of your arm?"

Xavier laughed, managing to shake off some of his jealousy. "No, she just... well... it was bad timing. I was awake when she showed up inside me." Idel didn't think he could raise his eyebrow higher. Why hadn't he heard about this? He looked at Evan for an explanation.

Something punched Evan in the gut the instant he saw Xavier approaching. He tried to keep it out of his expression, but he knew the light in his eyes had faded. Which felt absurd--when had he ever not been glad to see Xavier?--but Xavier was decidedly off, and Evan felt acutely guilty for it, and yet also defensive as fuck.

And then embarrassment joined the party the instant Xavier spoke, showing in red on Evan's cheeks. He couldn't help remembering that moment of elation after Xavier--or, the goddess--had pinned Evan on the floor of the tent, interrupted by the sight of the goddess' purple eyes. He felt his anger from that moment swelling in his chest and tensing his shoulders, and there was also a sort of indignation that came along with it--there was no way that Xavier had experienced the river. Right? Surely he would've fucking told Evan a little more about that experience if he had? Then again, Evan hadn't exactly gushed to Xavier about his own experience of it before. No, instead he'd nearly slapped the poor boy. Gods, what a mess.

And Idel wanted Evan to help explain the situation.

The captain clenched his fist in an attempt to get some of his swirling emotions under control, at least enough to make some kind of coherent reply.

"Yeah, the goddess decided to have a little fun by possessing my lieutenant the other day." Evan made a valiant effort to sound lighthearted and playful, and maybe he even managed, but his body language and expression were entirely too obviously pissed about something. "I'm not sure that's the same thing, though."

Xavier giggled a little bit at Evan's emphasis of the word "fun." He couldn't help it even though it was perhaps not the best response given how tense Evan had become. Wow, Xavier was not being subtle about this, was he? But how to recover now?

"No, probably not the same," Xavier said. "But I felt her inside me. She controlled my movements, and I could hear her voice in my mind. It was... I mean... It was still amazing whatever it was, even if it was also terrifying." Xavier worried he was rambling now, but his tone was certainly lighter than it had been at first. He opened his mouth to say more but managed to close it again to wait for someone else to speak.

"What did she make you do?" Raccoon asked. Oof. Well, Xavier really should have anticipated that, especially from Raccoon. But maybe it was harmless to be honest? I mean, if he was under someone else's control, then he wasn't at blame, right?

Xavier giggled again.

"She made me tackle Evan." Xavier giggled again before he managed to continue. "...but Evan can handle himself." There was no need for them to know that the two of them continued on their own afterward.

Idel had turned his head toward Xavier but glanced between the two men, finally realizing that the emotion he hadn't been able to identify between the two of them was embarrassment. He nodded slightly; it all made more sense now.

Evan sat down and started eating again as Xavier spoke, the boy's lighthearted tone relaxing him somewhat. He still felt nervous about the conversation, but at least less guilty and defensive now. Honestly, he was also glad to hear the boy talk positively about the experience. Evan had filed it away as something that had really shaken Xavier, but he supposed he of all people should understand that an experience that shakes a person isn't necessarily all bad.

Guh, then Xavier went and mentioned tackling, and red bloomed once again on Evan's cheeks. At least he was sitting down now, so the fresh tightness in his pants wasn't immediately visible.

"Anyway," Evan cut in before anyone could ask Xavier more follow-up questions, "she won't be possessing anyone besides volunteers going forward, I made her promise that." He tried to sound lighthearted and proud, but some amount of snappiness was absolutely apparent in his tone. It wasn't helped by the fact that, with that comment, Evan reminded himself of what he'd given up to maintain that promise, and the ache in his pants throbbed.

Once Evan turned the conversation more directly to the volunteers again, Idel wasn't sure what to think. It still didn't sound like they had much of a choice in the matter, but it also did still sound interesting. He was certain that at least a few soldiers would be willing to trade sitting around for possession by a goddess, but Idel wondered how much reassurance anyone could actually give about the volunteers' safety. None, he would venture to guess.

But that prompted a thought.

"What do the attacked men think about this?"

Evan furled his brow a bit, but tried to keep the rest of his expression relaxed.

"I'm not sure any of them know yet. Honestly, my bet is that at least some of them will choose to return to her, but I guess we'll see." Once again, it didn't feel right to single out Trevor, and besides, Evan wondered if there was really any chance the one who had cried this morning would be able not to go back. Philip, he guessed would remain in camp--or maybe Evan just hoped he would. The thought of seeing the lieutenant again in the goddess' realm tugged a frown at the corner of Evan's mouth. He shook his head to try to move his thoughts on.

"Truthfully, I haven't had much chance to talk with most of them."

Idel nodded as though he expected as much. Without thinking much, he said, "Well, you have been busy." Raccoon snickered, and Xavier lost a little color but otherwise did not react and simply took a bite of his food.

"How long do I have to decide?" Raccoon said after they had composed themself.

Xavier looked over at Evan, excitement flaring up in his belly again about... well... everything.

And then suddenly the table seemed to register that Raccoon was serious. They were really thinking about going. As much as Xavier did occasionally find them annoying, he didn't want them gone. But then Xavier had to consider... if Raccoon was thinking about it, did Xavier need to think about it, too? A flash of memories burst into his mind--the goddess revealing her cock during the summoning, the goddess commanding Xavier to unclasp Evan's belt, that image the goddess sent of falling off that horse with Evan...

Xavier made a sound that was a cross between a moan and a yelp, though it was not very loud. He shook his head when the others looked at him.

If there were not enough soldiers, Xavier himself might need to go. Would that mean spending more time with Evan or less? He didn't know.

Evan admittedly looked puzzled for a moment--from the soldier's attitude so far, Evan hadn't thought they'd been considering it--but he reeled it in, shrugging to roll of the rest of his surprise and just give an honest answer.

"I'm to take volunteers to the priestess--an old woman who lives in the woods. I suppose I'll aim to do that about an hour before sundown--" again, not necessarily something he'd specifically thought about before, but it's what made sense to him in the moment. "--since I'll be going to see the goddess myself after that. If we can get all the volunteers tonight, that'll certainly help move things along. I'm not sure of the exact timeline, but the sooner we get the goddess her volunteers, the sooner she'll release the Shel'ti, and the sooner we can re-establish contact with them and hopefully get this war actually moving again."

By the time he finished talking, his tone had brightened from matter-of-fact to out-and-out excited. Gods, getting this war moving again sounded real fucking great.