Written Wonderland

Oh gods, oh gods, oh gods, Xavier thought as Evan's hips and hand started to speed up. The sensation of Evan pushing back into him and jolting the length of Xavier's body in the process gave Xavier a rush that each time threatened to spill out of him. And then he was tangled in the fantasy of his cum all over Evan's hand, and...

Oh gods, oh gods, oh gods! Evan's hand was moving faster now, and it was everything Xavier could do not to completely melt into the ground, desperate to keep his muscles engaged to encourage all the best angles and give Evan's hand as much clearance as possible. It was going to happen soon, now; there wasn't much Xavier had left in him to hold it back, and already he was fantasizing about how it would feel to have his resolve overpowered...

And then Evan bit down hard on Xavier's shoulder, eliciting a gasp from the boy and a momentary calm in Xavier's body after the initial surprise. But Evan was increasing his speed even now, the pressure in Evan's hand building as Xavier swelled against him. Xavier moaned as Evan's hand pressed in tighter, and the boy pressed back anxiously into Evan's cock any time he let the pressure let. Evan's fingers also graced over Xavier's tip, the sensitive area making Xavier bite his lip and nearly whine with the light pain of over-sensitization.

Evan's chest suddenly pulled away, though the captain was still touching Xavier--and inside Xavier--in so many beautiful and delicious ways that Xavier found it difficult to care, especially once Evan's hand tangled in Xavier's hair. The lieutenant found himself grateful for the light pain as a distraction from how much he wanted to orgasm. That didn't last long, however, and ended with an abrupt and resounding slap on Xavier's backside before he could even register what had happened. In fact, he was a little stunned from the gesture, but it didn't hurt, not really, and if Evan had enjoyed it, then...

But then Evan's skin was all over Xavier's body again, Evan's hand adjusting to a heavy and sustained pressure against Xavier's length with just a few moments of darting overstimulation here and there, the speed returning to the height of where it had been before, and Xavier could not help bucking his hips backward and then forward into Evan's hand, his body spasming in its approach toward release, imagining just for a split second that the goddess had orchestrated this entire thing before Xavier bit his own lip hard and partially muffled the cry that poured out with his ejaculation, finally allowing his aching muscles to rest against the ground, though his ass was still very much up in the air in his state of paralysis.

Oh, gods, Evan loved the muffled cry that escaped Xavier's lips, and he relished in the way the boy's cock twitched and spurted in his hand, but that anxious buzzing in his gut revved up considerably, a spiny black static obscuring something from him and making it difficult as fuck to stop rubbing the boy's cock even after it was clear Xavier's muscles were trying to relax.

"Fuck," Evan breathed after a moment, and managed to stop his hand moving by gripping tightly around Xavier--hopefully that was a positive change for the boy, but it was hard to say. Evan's hips were also still moving, and finally--with a much louder and angrier-sounding "Fuck!"--the captain managed to push himself deep inside of Xavier and simply stop.

He let out his own "Grrrrrrraaaahh!" in a voice he hoped was quiet--he tried, anyway--and finally loosened his grip around Xavier's cock, his entire body shivering as he did so. He tried then to slowly pull out of the boy, but he only got about half an inch before he growled through gritted teeth again, his body stopping and shivering once more before pushing back in, all seemingly completely against the captain's will.

"Fuck, Xavier..." he whispered and groaned and reached his hand up to scratch lightly at Xavier's chest. He was coherent enough to keep himself from digging in his nails as much as he might've liked to, but he could not bring himself to care about the cum he was likely painting over Xavier's skin. Gods, how could he even want to stop himself from doing that? His hips started moving again--slowly, this time, though sending full-body trembles through Evan every time they pushed back in--and the captain murmured a long, soft string of "fuck"s as his focus slipped and his nails dug a little more sharply into Xavier's chest.

Xavier shuddered and moaned again, shivering and suddenly realizing he was cold, though he couldn't much bring himself to care, especially because Evan was still moving his hips inside him. Xavier's eyes rolled back even further as he gave in completely to the sensation, coming to only once he realized that Evan's hand still stroked Xavier's cock, too, the pangs of oversensitization setting in potently now. Xavier shifted his hips to try to break free of Evan's grip somehow, but then the captain slowed, both with his hand and his hips, though his hand tightened comfortably as the captain came to a complete stop.

Vaguely, Xavier registered that Evan was saying expletives, but they floated above the two of them, unreal under the comfort and amazement of Xavier's own bliss. Yeah, it was going to take some time before Xavier could move again.

It seemed Evan had his own plans, though, as his hand withdrew from Xavier's cock, and Xavier let out a quiet cry of protest. But then the sensation of Evan pulling out with his hips began, dragging Xavier's whole body with him as he went in an unconscious attempt to keep him inside.

Xavier let out a short but guttural groan as Evan pressed in again, saying Xavier's name and reaching around to hold Xavier's chest. Wait, no, those were nails. Yep, definitely nails. Where he would normally be distracted by such a sensation, the sting blended pleasantly in with the chords of bliss Xavier had from loving the fact that Evan had not been able to break their coupling. The thrusts were still slow, but they were delicious, and kept the mounting fear just below the surface in Xavier's belly.

Should he try to stop Evan...?

He wasn't sure he could move his muscles if he tried, especially while Evan was still thrusting into him, the nail biting just a little bit deeper such that a wince escaped Xavier's mouth before the sting became a soft throb on the surface of his chest that melted his body further back toward Evan's soft, rhythmic thrusts.

He wanted to reassure Evan--since he wasn't going to be able to stop him--but Xavier couldn't get the words out of his throat. All that came out was a quiet and unintelligible string of syllables roughly to the sound of, "Sokaaa."

Evan had no fucking clue how long he spent in that state, moving slowly in and out of Xavier's spent and blissfully satisfied body, expletives spilling in a soft and steady stream from his lips amidst the occasional all-consuming shiver. All he really knew was how fucking difficult it was to stop. However infuriating it was to hold himself there, throbbing and teetering right on the edge of release, every attempt he made to pull out of Xavier was wholeheartedly rejected by his body, agony threatening to escape from his throat and alert the entire fucking camp that something was up unless he pushed himself back in to hold back the wave of devastation that was ready to break.

He knew this couldn't last forever, though. Faint pangs of discomfort started flicking at Evan's knees, and at some point without warning, a soft sob escaped in place of expletives. Panic gripped at his chest and his mind raced as he considered his exits: going back on his promise to the goddess, or somehow weathering the storm that was fast approaching.

He certainly considered that promise--how Xavier had stammered before, that the goddess messing with him hadn't been that bad... and besides, didn't some part of Evan want that to happen again? Gods, it was tempting. It was so fucking tempting. Evan's hips started to speed up, and some glimmer of hope lit up in his groin, but the captain reminded himself of the goddess' rage and then cold, uncaring expression when he'd called off their deal. The sinking sensation he'd felt when she said she might go to the king echoed in his gut, and Evan took advantage of the change in his body to pull abruptly out of Xavier and the trance-like state he'd nearly trapped himself in.

That sinking sensation in his gut--now more like loudly buzzing panic--had been strong enough to enable Evan to keep his throat shut and not scream out in agony, but fuck quite a lot of that wave of devastation still hit, and the captain practically drowned in it while his body growled and scratched mercilessly at Xavier's sides and sank teeth sharply where the boy's leg met the curve of his ass.

One hand pulled back and smacked the boy's backside hard this time, and the sound helped Evan collect himself. A secondary wave of shame and worry hit him hard, urging him to draw away from Xavier, and he did so with a deep, shaky breath. He watched the boy with wet, apologetic eyes, which winced slightly at the sight of the pink-lined handprint he'd left on Xavier's skin. He wanted to say sorry, or ask Xavier if he was okay, but his jaw was clenched too tightly to speak, and Evan was powerless to relax it. The captain sat stiffly, more or less paralyzed save for the way his fingers subtly moved within fists against his thighs, dragging their nails across his palms to try to keep him lucid--and the way his cock twitched behind his semi-gathered knees, defeated and weeping in the cold open air.

Xavier laid pressed partially against the ground, helpless to either stop Evan or give him the release he so desperately wanted. With every artificially shortened thrust, just enough to keep Evan from going too far, Evan's frustration and pleasure and anger and desire poured into Xavier, filling his body with something that was more than music--it was heavy and sweet like syrup. Xavier wondered just how much he could take of Evan's longing, but it was difficult if not impossible to do anything beside allow his eyes to roll back into his head over and over, awash with all his own fantasies of Evan and realizing that this was so much better than anything Xavier could have come up with. He pressed back into Evan, not sure whether he was helping or hurting by doing that, but his body had a mind of its own. Xavier's eyes were leaking again, but it felt so good. If it weren't for the string of expletives and the choking sob that spilled out of Evan, he would never have wanted this to stop.

Xavier waited for Evan to decide and felt several times like Evan might just indeed go back on his promise with the goddess, Xavier's body shivering all over at the thought of how much better that would feel--to lay spent with Evan for hours after the fact--but then Evan would slow again to the short, angry thrusts, and a small moan of defiance would force itself out of Xavier's mouth.

But, finally, Evan made a decision, announced by the sudden removal of Evan's length and a series of painful blurs across Xavier's skin, finished off by a deep bite into Xavier's backside. A full-volume yelp nearly escaped Xavier's throat, but his surprised breath caught it when Evan released his jaw and instead smacked Xavier's ass right in the same place. Xavier swallowed several gulps of air that left a minor discomfort in his belly, his eyes blinking out of disbelief. Of anything that Evan had done, that felt like it was going to leave a mark.

But hadn't Evan already left so many marks on the inside of Xavier? Where would the two of them go from here?

Resolved to find out before to it was too late or before Evan decided without him, Xavier pulled himself more fully to his hands and knees, his small, short body sliding up itself until he could sit on his feet for a moment, gathering the dizzy pieces of himself before turning back around to face Evan. When he did, Xavier's heart lurched, and he let out a small burp from the air he had swallowed, quickly covering his mouth as it happened. And then, he couldn't help it, he started giggling. He giggled quietly, but they wracked through his body, pushing out the last few tears remaining in Xavier's eyes. He worried that Evan might take this as a slight, but Xavier couldn't stop. He was still giggling as he slid himself across the floor closer to Evan so that their knees were almost touching before he tentatively reached out to touch Evan's shoulder, prepared for the fact that Evan might try to push him away, and managed to calm his giggling long enough to take a deep breath and say, seriously, "Heaven help us if we do this again when you don't have to hold back. I'll be dreaming of it."

Xavier had a desperate urge to hug Evan, to launch himself into his arms and give his captain some comfort, but Xavier didn't know exactly what Evan would want in a situation like this and so settled for tenderly squeezing Evan's shoulder.

Xavier... burped, and then laughed. Evan was so surprised by it, he honestly didn't know how to respond. The result was a bewildered expression on his red-flushed face, and a faint relaxation in his arms, the nails within his fists no longer desperate to bite into skin, while the rest of him remained utterly paralyzed with uncertainty.

Evan was undeniably glad that Xavier didn't seem to be suffering at all from his actions, though he was also feeling embarrassed and uncertain about what the boy was laughing about, and that made his shoulders scrunch back up a bit. The burp, of course, he told himself, but his uneasy gut wasn't buying it. It felt like Xavier was laughing at him. After all, he had just behaved rather ridiculously, and his predicament wasn't without humor, from the outside. His cheeks burned hot, and his eyes couldn't help but narrow slightly, his gut swimming anxiously as Xavier scooted forward, still full of giggles.

The captain managed to keep steady as the lieutenant reached out to touch his arm, even though his gut boiled and his skin prickled. He was glad he hadn't allowed his body to dodge the touch when Xavier collected himself and spoke, and he could feel the warmth and the elation that spilled from the boy. No, he hadn't been laughing at Evan; he was far too full of bliss for that.

Evan might have relaxed considerably, but after the initial sensation of Xavier's words washed over him, then the meaning of them did, and devastation hit him anew square in his stomach at the reminder of having held back. He felt the sob rising all the way up his body before it happened, and had just enough time to try to force it into a laugh on its way out. His watery eyes and uneasy smile weren't fooling anybody, and he knew it, but fuck was he not keen on crying after sex--in front of Xavier--at all, really.

"Gah, fuck," the captain muttered and brought a hand up to rub at his neck--actually, to scratch at it, slow and deep, though he hoped that part wasn't obvious. That gesture did help him relax, thank gods, and his other hand re-tightened its fist to dig nails back into his palm, eager to help him calm down. Evan closed his eyes and let out a sigh, and then managed to gather a slightly more sincere grin as he refocused on Xavier.

"I hope you know how fucking hard that was."

He worried he still looked too close to crying for Xavier to take that as the good-natured comment Evan meant it to be, but gods he hoped the boy would trust him and help him lighten up. He was barely holding it together, and was absolutely fucking terrified of falling apart here.

Not long into Xavier's giggle fit, he realized that was, in fact, not the right decision. Not that it was really a decision so much as a demand from his body and the situation. But, still, Xavier watched Evan's face change to a bewildered expression and then toward something that veered frighteningly close to anger. After having managed to get words out of his mouth, Xavier managed to sober, reminding himself that he was, in fact, an army lieutenant--Evan's army lieutenant--and his eyebrows came together in a furrow that looked ridiculous on his young face in his attempt to be more serious.

Closing his eyes for a moment, he tried to put himself in Evan's boots, letting the staccato thrusts and expletives and sobs wash over his memory and recognizing that, yes, what Evan did required an immense amount of self-control and endurance. And the thought of all that made Xavier begin to ache again, his naked cock twitching and his backside antsy for yet more. Xavier had gotten release, and Xavier assured himself that that was why it was so much easier for him to act cavalier now. He really needed to cut Evan some slack--and give the man some props. But, first, he withdrew his hand from Evan's shoulder.

"I..." Xavier had to suppress a second wave of giggles that threatened but fortunately didn't make itself obvious, though it was easier to get rid of them when Evan emitted his own laugh, which was disconcertingly unfamiliar to Xavier. Swallowing genuine concern, Xavier started over. "That was..." But then all the compliments that came to mind felt overused and didn't at all convey what Xavier wanted to offer Evan. Well, maybe he could just say out loud what he had been thinking about the whole time they had been... busy.

"I've fantasized about you a lot," Xavier said in a rush, though he managed to look Evan in the eye for a few moments before embarrassedly adding, "Like... a lot, and for a long time. And none of them ever... came close to what we just did. It was..." Xavier searched for the right words, looking up at the corner of the tent, blushing even through the flush he still had, "...better than even the goddess could have imagined." Xavier grinned then, hoping--hoping so hard--that he was taking the right tactic. He desperately wanted to leave the situation on a good note... if they were leaving... well, they had to get on with their day, right? Evan had a lot of volunteers to recruit, and Xavier couldn't very well hope to keep him here until he went to meet with the goddess again.

"So," Xavier continued, looking down at the ground now and desperately trying to prevent his eyes from slowing scaling up Evan's own naked form, "it was certainly worth it for me." Risking meeting Evan's gaze again and fighting through the growing ball of concern in his throat, Xavier finished with, "Was it... was it worth it for you?"

Gods! All he wanted was to touch Evan again, certain that renewed skin contact would tell him everything he wanted to know about how Evan was feeling. Or maybe just start things up again, Xavier thought, but he waved that away, knowing that it was important to be responsible now after what Evan had put himself through.

"I'm grateful, you know. I..." but the lump in Xavier's throat finally caught up with him, and he wrestled with it long enough to give Evan a moment to speak if he were going to.

Truth told, Evan's gut lurched a bit when Xavier withdrew his hand. As nervous as he'd been when the boy had extended the touch, it was even worse to have it and then lose it, like pulling out of Xavier all over again. He did everything in his power to keep himself still--stiff, as needed--to keep from reaching out to the boy, or even just fucking begging him to bring his hand back.

He eagerly poured all of his focus into what Xavier was saying, then, and managed to pull some of the warmth and elation and bliss from the boy's words that he'd been getting from the boy's hand. It worked, slowly, little droplets of relief dotting Evan's core as he watched Xavier fluster and coo. Muscle by muscle, he started to relax, his smile growing just a little more earnest each moment.

But then, Xavier trailed off, and panic started buzzing in him again. Fuck, what had Xavier actually been saying, even? Was he hoping for a reply from Evan? Evan had no fucking clue what to do, and he felt stupid for somehow not actually comprehending the words he thought he'd been paying such close attention to. It was tempting to spiral back towards falling apart--gods, he felt dizzy knowing how close he was to that ledge--but he gathered his resolve and held fast to the sensations of warmth he'd gotten from Xavier, pulling himself stubbornly to surer footing.

With a nervous but decidedly optimistic smile, Evan moved his hand from his neck down to Xavier's knee to give a reassuring squeeze. He still had his balled fist to dig nails secretly into palm, and the sharp sensation there twined with residual tingle from the pink scratches on the back of his neck to help keep him grounded enough to finally figure out at least something to say.

"I didn't hurt you too badly, did I?"

Evan looked... sad. Lost even, Xavier thought, and his own feelings of concern and anxiety heightened. He looked at Evan's balled fists and could not help but run over what he might have done wrong, might have said to... but, no, Xavier assured himself, Evan's just... really worked up, he reminded himself. Like, more than Xavier probably ever had been in his life. But, still, Xavier was nervous, and it certainly didn't help that, after he had tried so hard to be vulnerable to cheer Evan up, Evan didn't seem to react to it at all. In fact, Evan hadn't even said whether or not it had been worth it to go ahead and be sexual with Xavier anyway. Xavier's stomach sunk deeply, and he felt the crusty, dried tears on his own face stick as his eyes threatened to overflow again. This had been a bad idea, hadn't it? But then Xavier grew a little indignant. After all, hadn't it been Evan's idea to "go for a walk" in the first place? Didn't he realize this would happen?

Attempting to swing around from his despair at what seemed like Evan's regret, Xavier focused on Evan's actual question. His mouth wanted to answer with immediate reassurance, but he stopped long enough to look over the back of himself and even rub gently at the burning red spot on his buttocks before turning back around and answering honestly.

"I mean, it did hurt. The... spank, at least. But..." Xavier looked away, tears threatened again. ...but I would do it again in a heartbeat, he wanted to say, I would do it again and again and again. And if it made you feel even the tiniest bit better, then you could hit me again now if you wanted. Or whenever. Please. But Evan hadn't responded to Xavier's vulnerability before, so maybe Xavier should just keep that to himself. Gods, it was difficult to swallow the words down. Xavier certainly wasn't used to keeping his mouth shut, and his body rewarded him with heavy constriction in his chest and throat.

"I think I hurt you more," Xavier finally said, standing up and looking around like he was trying to find his clothes, though he didn't have enough motivation to walk over to pick anything up. Instead, he just awkwardly stood and clasped one wrist in front of himself as if that would hide anything.

A sharp barb plunged through Evan's chest when Xavier first replied, but Evan relaxed around it and helped it move through; of course it had hurt, and Xavier was just acknowledging that. Granted, the way Xavier trailed off after his "but..." did leave ample room for more anxiety, but Evan held on to the word itself. It did hurt, but. Evan knew there were a million positive things he could fill in after that word, and he tried to tell himself that his anxiety was just reaching for stupid shit.

Then, Xavier actually filled in the blank, and stood up, leaving Evan feeling cold and his panic escaping into the air around him. That was not what he'd expected Xavier to say at all.

"No, I'm--" Evan stood as well, his brow furrowing with a mixture of worry and indignance. "I'm not hurt, Xavier." There was something defensive in his voice, which he tried to reel in. His expression softened as he continued, "That was... difficult, but I'm not hurt. Especially not by you."

He wanted to pull Xavier into a hug, but instead he set his hand back to rubbing at his neck--genuinely rubbing this time, his need for nails having waned again.

"I'm sorry," he said softly as his eyes trailed downwards, and blush re-bloomed on his cheeks as he decided it was maybe time he tucked his junk back into his underwear, at least. Maybe it would've been less-weird if he was just fully naked, but... well, he'd been in too much of a rush for that, which had maybe been part of the problem. His cock was not the least bit happy to be getting put away, but at least he was managing to gain enough control over the rest of his body to suppress whatever shiver his still-hungry lust tried to send through him.

"I just... really don't handle this kind of frustration well..." the captain frowned, and opted to go ahead and button up his pants while he was at it too. "Probably should've taken that more into account, but impulse control also isn't exactly my strong suit." He sighed after he finished his last button, and finally pulled his eyes back up to Xavier, meeting the lieutenant with a gentle, if blush-strewn, expression.

"I'm sorry."