Written Wonderland

Idel walked away from the mess tent in a little bit of shock and surprise. Had he really just gotten Evan to talk at length about the Demon Queen? Yes, yes he had. Excellent. This was great news. Wasn't it? Information was good, right? But there were still a lot of unknowns. Captain Rutliff was certainly more... well, just more, than he usually was, and Captain Dod knew that the goddess was at least partly to blame. Evan had slammed his fist on the table, after all. What was that about? Now that Idel was not as concerned about keeping the mood light, it was easier to wonder such things.

But Evan had said, with as much conviction as he could muster, that the goddess was undoubtedly worthy of worship, despite whatever it was she had done to Evan. And Xavier, let's not forget about that. Idel chuckled to himself thinking again about how much the lieutenant had been tripping over himself. Poor boy.

Well, now that Idel was fed, what was next? Who should he tell? Who should he let in on all the juicy, juicy secrets? It was fun finding ways to disseminate information; it wasn't something Idel regularly had the privilege of doing. He wasn't exactly in the know about everything, nothing like Captain Kade, anyway. Whew, that man was intimidating. But also perfect. Like, wow, what a man. Idel couldn't help but look up to him a little bit.

Hmmmm... Well, Nick did seem like a fairly obvious candidate for a first pass. After all, he had been the one asking Idel to tell stories the other night, and Idel had kinda sorta name-dropped him to get an excuse to talk to Evan, so maybe it was only fair to talk to him first. Part of Idel just wanted to take a deep breath and shout loudly, "HEY, WHO WANTS TO SEE A GODDESS?" But somehow Idel didn't think that Mizu would much appreciate that strategy. Idel also had no idea how many other captains knew about the situation yet. As far as Idel could tell, he was the first one Evan had told. Idel had rather ambushed him after he came out of his tent, after all.

Seeing Nick in a group of soldiers sitting around one of the fires, Captain Dod waved and hollered, "Hey, Nick! C'mere for a second."

((OOC: If that's not where Nick would be, lmk, and I can change it.))

For the past two days, Nicholas Fable had been soaking in all the stories about the goddess Dehlajadrun that anyone in camp would tell him. He felt astounded that he hadn't come across them before--he did so love stories--but, he supposed he'd been rather sheltered before all this had started. He'd learned a lot during this war, but he had to say, learning about the goddess of dreams and desire had by far been the most fun. Not that he didn't respect the gravity of what they were dealing with, just... well, if they were going to be dealing with such a being, shouldn't he know what she was all about?

This afternoon was no different; Nick sat by a fire with a couple other soldiers, wide-eyed and enraptured by a tale being told of a dragon-woman appearing in one of their dreams.

When he heard his name, he bolted upright, tension from the story exaggerating his surprise and shooting a powerful chill up his back. He relaxed once he set eyes on Captain Dod, mostly just as a function of fully grokking that he was not, in fact, in the dream that the other soldier had been suspensefully describing.

Nick nodded to Dod and quickly bid adieu to the other soldiers around the fire before heading over to meet his captain, his step quick and fluid.

"Yes, Captain?" he asked with his signature curious, wide-eyed smile.

In the moment between Idel's ask for Nick's attention and Nick's response, Idel was happy to catch a few words of the soldiers' conversation. They were, even then, talking about the goddess. And, really, what else did Idel expect? She was certainly the most interesting thing going around at camp at present, and given that shimmer this morning...

Nick's wide-eyed and willing expression triggered mixed feelings in Idel, though. The captain would be... yes, he would be sad to lose this soldier. Idel had a familial fondness for the soldier's curiosity, and Nick could not be easily replaced. Still, Idel had faith that Nick would seriously consider the whirlwind Idel was about to offer and that, of anyone Idel could think of, Nick might honestly be curious enough to enjoy whatever the goddess would throw at him.

"Let's walk a minute." Idel led the way toward the river, though he stayed outside the line of trees along its banks to give whatever soldiers might be bathing there privacy. Always tricky territory, that. Smiling a little to reassure Nick that the soldier wasn't in trouble, Idel waited until they were away from others to say anything further.

"I talked to Captain Rutliff this morning," Idel said, hoping that would perk Nick's ears up. Surely Nick had been curious about what Evan might say, "and I got even more information than I intended to bargain for." Idel finished with a grin, hoping to maintain his own spirits as well as Nick's. But how much more to tell Nick right off? Should he let Nick ask some questions or just cut to the chase?

"Everything seems to be going as well as one could expect with a somewhat volatile deity," Idel said, immediately unsure about his choice of words. "And Captain Rutliff is securing our alliances as we had hoped." Idel paused, hoping Nick was enjoying that Idel continued talking. He was the one with the intel, after all.

"There's a catch, though. The goddess wants to meet with a few of our soldiers in person, and there's a lot of haziness about what she'll do with them or exactly how we will get them back."

Idel now looked curiously at Nick, tearing his eyes away from the line of trees he had been staring at to bolster his confidence. However, he soon realized that Nick was likely confused about why Idel had singled him out.

"I thought you would like to know, and I trust you to keep the information secure. To my knowledge, there aren't many who yet know." There. Now Nick could ask his questions. Idel was certain there would be plenty of them.

A nervousness slowly started to bubble beneath Nick's stomach when Captain Dod suggested taking a walk. At first the solder hadn't thought all that much of his captain summoning him, but now that he'd had a moment away from the story that had enthralled him, his mind started slowly but surely to swim with why?

Nick nodded and followed after his captain smoothly, but the bubbles in his body started pushing a faint blush onto his cheeks as he thought about his last interaction with Dod. He didn't think anything had gone wrong about it--hadn't Dod been happy to oblige Nick's curiosity about the goddess, insofar as he could?--but now, he wasn't so sure. At least the captain gave Nick a smile, which helped some. He was sure he was worried about nothing, on some level, but that didn't stop the increasing bubbles, or the warming heat on his skin.

The sensations in Nick's body didn't change all that much when Dod said he'd spoken with Captain Rutliff, but the connotation of those sensations shifted dramatically. Those bubbles weren't anxiety about his standing with his captain; now they were excitement about news of the goddess. The heat on his skin wasn't embarrassment about his curiosity, but genuine arousal as the boy couldn't help contemplating some of the things he'd admittedly imagined Captain Rutliff doing and experiencing these past nights.

Still, though, he supposed some embarrassment did linger, just not for the story that Dod had told him. Rather, he was just embarrassed here and now, about the state of his body as he walked along but just out of sight of the river with his captain. Not that he was visibly aroused--he hoped--but he knew that was just around the corner. After all, he'd been absolutely eating up lavish, lurid tales for nearly the past 48 hours straight.

Even so, the soldier did his best to smile calmly and curiously at his captain as Dod elaborated on the situation, just as Nick normally would. Perhaps his cheeks were a bit warmer-colored than usual, but surely it would be easy enough to pay that no mind? Here was hoping.

Nick made it like that right up until Idel said there was a catch. He felt the catch in his body, a powerful stomach-drop like he'd only just noticed he was standing on the edge of a cliff. By some miracle, he didn't flinch, but he did close his eyes for a brief moment to steady himself. He blinked rapidly a few times as he refocused on Dod, and the heat on his skin finally rushed through the rest of his body as the captain's words sank in.

The goddess wants to meet with a few of our soldiers in person.

Nick knew that Dod had said more than that, but he couldn't comprehend past that point. Excitement swirled in a broad ring through his torso, and, if only for a brief moment, Nick's attention swerved down into his pants. He liked to think that he pulled it back out again just in time--grateful that Dod had been mostly looking at trees before then--but he wasn't sure, and that just colored his cheeks further.

Then, "I thought you'd like to know," Dod said, and, though still smiling, Nick swallowed. Did he look that thirsty for the goddess? Had it been tasteless to seek all the stories he could find? Should he have somehow tried to tame the insatiable curiosity that the first rumors had sparked in his being?

No... those were Nick's own anxieties. The soldier forced himself to breathe deeply and actually look at Dod's expression, and he confirmed that he saw no judgement or snark there. Nick's curiosity had been genuine and in good faith, and so was Dod's offer of information that, yes, did interest the soldier.

Nick raised his eyebrows just slightly, his smile growing in a way that was hard to distinguish between nervousness and pride.

"Am... I being considered, sir?"

It was hard to tell whether the question was hopeful or scared, and Nick wasn't even quite sure himself.

Idel was immensely pleased that there was a smile on Nick's face when he looked at the young man. The captain had hoped he heard sparks flying in Nick's mind while he had been talking, but he knew that may well have been wishful thinking. Now, though, he was certain he had Nick's attention. And why shouldn't he? It was not as though Idel had led with the worst parts of this by any means. At least he thought he was selling this--so far, anyway--better than Evan had. But, Idel also knew stories were one thing; reality was another. Some part of Idel's mind had assumed that Nick really was in it just for the stories. But now...

Captain Dod smiled at Nick, happy to see a slight coloration to his soldier's cheeks. Yes, Nick was excited. Exhilarated, maybe? Ah, was Idel just a little jealous of Nick's position? Mmmmm... yes. Yes, but he had important captain things to do. Very important. And, if he were being honest with himself, Idel was actually far more jealous of Evan's position. But, that was neither here nor there, and there was a question to answer. Nick definitely was quick on the uptake!

"I wouldn't disallow it," Idel said, his grin widening before falling to something more serious. "But this is no story, Nick." The captain hoped that using the soldier's first name would provide intensity that the last-name basis didn't convey. "And the goddess--from what Evan said at least--doesn't go easy on anyone. Captain Rutliff's as tough as they come, and he... he wasn't okay today at the mess tent." Idel let that information stand for a moment, checking Nick's reaction.

"I wish you could have seen it, though. I asked him if the goddess was worthy of worship, and I'd never seen so much conviction in Rutliff's eyes when he said, 'without a doubt'." At first, Idel tried to mimic Evan's expression, but it quickly cracked as Idel's smile returned and he looked up toward the sky with a wistful expression.

"So, it'd be a mixed bag. And, to top it all off, we're not entirely certain how long you... er... the volunteers... would be staying." There was more to say, but perhaps Nick wouldn't appreciate the details of the alliance with the Shel'ti. If he asked, though, Idel would certainly answer honestly.

Nick's blush started burning when the captain chided that this wasn't a story, and his smile wavered a bit. He knew that, of course. He wasn't-- he wasn't intending to be naive about any of this. But, yes, the thought of Captain Rutliff, of all people, being shaken was... well, a bit shaking. Nick certainly didn't have the same sort of grit that Rutliff had. But... then again, is grit really what this took?

Something perhaps pompous and defensive might've started making arguments in Nick's mind, but thankfully Dod continued, and in a direction that helped the soldier feel a bit more in harmony again--the thought of Captain Rutliff pronouncing, without a doubt, that the goddess was worthy of worship. Before Nick knew it, he was swallowing down a lump in his throat, and the heel of his hand hastily grazed the edge of his eye, preempting whatever tears might've suddenly formed there. Nick settled his hand back down to his side quickly and easily, but his eyes still felt so incredibly full, somehow, and the lump in his throat wasn't budging. He tried to keep his smile on even so, not wanting to worry his captain.

A mixed bag, yes. Of course it would be. Even the basest of stories uttered to him these past days had held some kind of tension like that. Was it so crazy to want that tension in real life? Nick was... genuinely surprised by the strength of the tug on his heart for this, but it was undeniably there, and no, not just for stories. He didn't want to ignore it, but he did make sure he was putting it in context, so he replayed Dod's words of uncertainty. Did Nick want it enough to, maybe, never come back?

The soldier sighed and closed his eyes, tilting his head a bit to the side and clasping his hands loosely behind his back as he thought, hoping that his captain would understand and allow him the space, at least for a few moments. Nick did want to see the end of the war, to support his comrades through the rest and to celebrate with them when it was done. At that thought, the warmth from the shimmer before settled into his body, and Nick brought a hand up to his mouth, his other arm wrapping around his midriff, and his brows drawing together with a bit of emotion. Goodness, this was complicated.

Nick let the hand on his mouth move to the side of his neck as he opened his eyes, and he looked to his captain a bit sheepishly, his eyes admittedly starting to turn a bit pink.

"I wish I could have seen it, too," the soldier said with a crooked, nervous smile. "Can I think on it a while?" It felt selfish to ask, but Captain Dod did seem concerned with Nick taking this seriously, and the soldier didn't see how he possibly could without taking some time. He wondered if there was more he should ask before ending this conversation--gosh, he felt like he'd barely even said two words--but trying to think of questions was a heavier task than he could manage with the weight of the emotions he felt bearing down on him at the moment.

Was Nick getting emotional? Was it something Idel had said? It was the 'stories' comment, wasn't it. Ah, he should have had more faith in Nick than that. But, then again, they were talking about big, heavy things, and it did make Idel feel better that Nick was having a reaction. Nick's reaction matched the gravity of what they were staring down.

Nick's response took a long time, though, and Idel started to worry. Should he say something else? No, he should just let Nick absorb first. That was the right thing to do. Idel had given him a lot of information at one time. So, the captain was patient as they continued walking forward, trying not to pay too much attention to the way Nick wrapped his arms around himself as they remained in silence.

When Nick finally did respond with a question, Idel answered at once. "Yes, of course. Take all the time you need." Although, Idel suddenly realized there might actually be a time limit on all this. "Captain Rutliff's trying to gather as many volunteers as he can by sundown tonight, but that's a stretch goal. You likely have more time than that."

And then Idel remembered a piece of information that Nick would likely appreciate hearing. He felt a little sheepish about continuing to talk when Nick had just asked for space, but it felt important to Nick's own contemplation of the situation, so he pressed on delicately. "When I talked to Evan, he sounded very set on rotating volunteers out in whatever way he could once the war is over." Idel paused for a moment in thought and then added, "And, with a goddess on our side, that could be quite soon. After all, she does specifically want the king's head." Idel waited to see if Nick would say anything else, but he was perfectly comfortable with however Nick wanted to respond, even if that meant Nick needed to walk away without any further interaction.

Pressure in Nick's chest constricted and relaxed multiple times as Idel spoke, inadvertently tugging at multiple points of tension within him. On the one hand, Nick didn't necessarily have to decide today; on the other, did he really want to keep the alliance waiting? On the one hand, if Captain Rutliff was determined to get the volunteers back, Nick believed that he would; on the other, not until after the war, and the thought of missing that moment in history hurt. On the one hand, if Rutliff was looking to establish a rotation of some sort, maybe Nick could just wait until after the war, and get to experience both; on the other, dare he face the goddess after making her a second choice?

Nick looked a little blank while these palpitations played out, but he managed a faint smile at the end, reflexively responding to Dod's reassurance that the goddess truly would help them win. His eyes were still full and heavy, though, and he decided he was done with walking for the moment as he drew the hand on his neck around his midriff to mirror the other and hold himself close.

"I'm glad you told me," Nick said earnestly to his captain, terribly worried at this point about how his outward expression was coming off. "And I-- I think I want to go. I just-- need to digest it."

Nick offered up one more smile, and this one genuinely made it to his eyes. He really was glad for the opportunity.

Oh dear. The captain really had overburdened the boy. Well, shit. What to do now? Idel had a rash impulse to, like, hug the boy or, like, throw him in the river. Wait, no. The boy really did need space, and Idel needed to give it to him. But maybe one more word of reassurance.

"Yes, yeah. That's... of course. Completely understandable." Idel also stopped walking and turned to face the young man. "Nick, you're becoming a great man, and I've been proud to watch you as you grow up." He hoped that didn't sound condescending. Did that sound condescending? He didn't mean it that way.

"Let me know if you need anything," Idel added with a smile, hoping to reassure Nick but uncertain that anything could coax the boy to unravel his arms from himself. Yeah, that looked rather uncomfortable.

Well, should Idel leave first or should he let Nick go first? Probably the latter. So Idel just stood there, nodding reassuringly, determined to give Nick some privacy if and when he ran off.

Nick's eyes melted a little and he bit down on his lip. Truthfully, his heart and his stomach felt like sunshine hearing his captain's words, but he was so very close to crying, and embarrassment formed a stiff cage around the feelings of warmth. Until, all at once, Nick managed to break it open, and nearly leapt forward to embrace his captain tightly. The embarrassment wasn't gone--in fact, it strengthened and bristled quite a bit at this new development--but it was mostly confined now to the back of Nick's neck, as the boy managed to let the sunshine beam freely from his chest.

"If I go," he said, surprising himself with how smoothly the words came out, considering the size of the lump in his throat, "I will be sad not to finish this with you, and the rest of the unit."

Nick released the hug, then, not wanting to linger too long. It was already inappropriate by account of rank, but the breach didn't feel too egregious for just a few moments. Nick smiled genuinely to his captain as he stepped back, his arms now falling loosely to his sides. "Promise to catch me up on everything when Rutliff gets us back."

The boy's cheeks were wet by now, but he really was beaming, and maybe the lump in his throat was in fact shrinking a bit. It was a rush, talking like it was a done deal, but, at least right now, that actually seemed to make it easier.