Written Wonderland

Blake had spent much of the day in her tent meditating, though she still went about her scheduled duties as normal--which was more than she could say for Lieutenant Pemberley, but, to be fair, if she had this much soul-searching to do, she could only imagine how the lieutenant fared. He'd been brief with her upon his return--as she'd encouraged, really--but she could see shame plainly on him, even through his stoic expression.

What she needed to figure out now was how to make peace with Mizu's decision, in spite of the way it frightened her and had clearly already harmed Philip, and likely Nathan too. Blake had already gone through the devastation of relinquishing her belief in and loyalty to her king; she wasn't sure she could bear losing the esteem in which she held Mizu on top of that. She'd tossed in her lot with the commander with a heavy heart, and had to believe it wouldn't be in vain.

In some ways, the shimmer that morning helped. It felt like an easy out, though. But... perhaps that's precisely what it was meant to be. A gesture of godliness, for those who had only known of the demon. Blake couldn't deny that she appreciated the peace it had brought, even if some part of her was sure it was laced with deception. Truthfully, though... she wasn't always sure about that particular part of herself; it distrusted everything, and never let her know peace. If this would simply be no different, then that was nothing to raise a fuss about. She'd stated her objections, and wanted desperately to trust that Mizu knew what she was doing even in light of them.

Blake had specifically avoided Captain Miller today, though not for lack of interest. On the contrary, it was entirely too tempting to seek his company, to moan and complain and protest--condemn, even. But that was precisely what she didn't want to do. Her commander had made a call, and she wanted to get on board with it. The war would leave enough rifts in her soul; she didn't want to let this one grow.

Both joy and anxiety jittered around inside of Blake when she heard her commander's voice outside her tent. She remained still for a moment, settling her energy to she could reply in her usual gentle, smooth tone,

"Come in."

Once Serio and Evan left the tent, the commander set to work on her own task. While there were other captains who still needed information, Mizu felt like Blake would be the one to take it the hardest--after Captain Miller, of course--and if Mizu could manage to inform the captain herself, that would be ideal. She had no idea how much her attacked men had told Blake, although if Mizu had to guess based on Blake's previous reports and the state of the two men themselves, they likely hadn't said much.

Stopping by the nearest fire, Mizu took a moment to heat up some water in a kettle and pour it into two mugs. Pulling out a couple wrapped tea sachets she kept for special occasions from her satchel, she let the tea--a combination of green tea leaves with a light fragrance of pear--steep and cool slightly before she carefully made the short walk to Blake's tent.

"Captain Bronwen, it's the commander," Mizu said simply but not informally. She was grateful that Captain Bronwen invited her in quickly. Giving a cursory glance around the tent out of habit--scouting new locations was a difficult habit to break, even in situations that were almost assuredly safe--Mizu's eyes then settled on Blake as the commander reached forward with one hand to offer Blake a mug of tea.

The commander decided to stay standing, holding her mug with both hands and sipping a little herself. The tea was refreshing and would keep her lively for what was to come. She hoped Blake would appreciate it and not especially consider it a bribe. While Mizu knew that Captain Bronwen was primarily in the rebellion on account of the service Mizu had provided her back when the king had started to act with uncontrollable and reckless abandon, she did not want to abuse the captain's trust, and she knew that consorting with the goddess of desire was likely treading a dangerous line there.

After a moment, the commander said, "All the soldiers have woken up from their attacks." She wanted to begin with the good news. While Blake might already know, it wasn't a bad conversation starter. "I wanted to know if your men have made any progress in their recoveries."

Blake was surprised to be offered a mug, but she accepted it with a nod. She felt a little awkward remaining seated while the commander chose to stand, but she determined she'd feel just as awkward standing, even if that were the more appropriate action; she hoped the offer of tea was permission enough not to be on full formality. She felt grounded on her cushion for now, and she lightly gestured to another cushion she had set out, to ensure the commander felt welcome to sit, and then she went ahead and took a sip of her tea. It warmed and calmed her, and she let some hope vibrate deep within her that perhaps she and the commander could get at least closer to the same page in this conversation.

Blake nodded at Mizu's initial report; Nathan had yet to check in, but Chloe had been diligent enough to make sure Blake had known--about Nathan, as well as Philip's continued despondency. Blake had thought about going to talk to him, but she couldn't imagine what she could possibly say to help him. She figured space was the best she could give to either of them.

The captain kept her eyes on her tea in her lap and shook her head solemnly when Mizu asked about her men.

"They're adrift," she said, a hint of sorrow in her well-controlled voice, "And I don't know how to anchor them. They both have soul-searching to do."

The commander nodded, grateful that the captain was being honest and straightforward. Mizu wished she had something more to offer Blake about the men, something that would make their recovery easier, but there wasn't much. The commander was loathe to inform Blake that they might be sending more of their soldiers to the same fate before she knew how her own men would pull out of it.

Trying to respect Blake and what she would feel comfortable talking about, the commander gently asked, "In your opinion, do you think it's shame that keeps them adrift? Guilt?" The commander paused for a few moments. "Is it possible they regret wanting to go back?" She was genuinely interested in what Blake would have to say on this front, but she also hoped to set up the scaffolding for what information she would offer later.

Blake nodded confidently when Mizu asked about shame and guilt. She was positive that's what ate at Philip, and Nathan was certainly easily enough embarrassed it stood to reason. She couldn't help curling her lip and tossing something of a glare to Mizu at the notion that they wanted to return, though. Her glare wasn't purposeful, though, and she quickly returned her gaze to her tea again, hoping Mizu knew her well enough by now to understand that the expression meant no disrespect. After all, what Mizu suggested wasn't an unreasonable way to put it, unfortunately.

"Lieutenant Pemberley hinted that he may have hurt someone under the goddess' influence. He was deeply confused when he reported in, though. I don't know how much of what he experienced was real. I don't think he knows, either. Cadet Finch I've even less insight into. He was..." she searched for a word that wouldn't condemn the boy, at least too harshly, "timid long before this experience. I'm not surprised he's been a ghost since returning."

At that Blake raised her gaze to Mizu again, her expression more relaxed now, and simply checking in as to whether her commander wanted her to elaborate further. She did feel called to at least add one thing.

"I could believe it if Finch would rather be... with her, than face this world. But I don't think Pemberley's integrity would let him do the same."

Mizu nodded toward her mug, taking another short sip while she contemplated her next move. She had grown accustomed to Blake's quickness toward anger, at least in her facial expressions, and decided to wait until they were finished talking before the commander tried to gauge how successfully the conversation had gone. Catering to Blake now didn't feel appropriate or strictly honest. And, Blake had shared more information, even if she had done it out of a sense of obligation.

The commander had expected as much out of Blake's lieutenant, but she was grateful to have more information about the other man. Perhaps he was one of the people Evan counted on returning? Better to leave him out of this until she was certain.

"The goddess spoke with me before she let the last soldier go," Mizu said, hoping that was clear enough to steer away from Blake's disgust. "She's going to release the Shel'ti."

Blake's posture straightened considerably when Mizu said the goddess had spoken with her, and her dark eyes looked directly at the commander, wide with surprise and disbelief.

"She spoke with you?" The captain's tone was almost breathy, and her expression actually looked... hopeful, in the subtle lift of her brow. She let that ring in the air a moment while her mind turned over the two bits of information Mizu had just given her. They... both seemed like good news. Maybe too good to be true? Blake reeled in her expression back to utterly neutral, though her thumb rubbed slowly and absent-mindedly over the handle of her mug.

"What happens next, then?"

Mizu was grateful that Blake seemed like she was catching on to something of the situation even if the captain clearly hadn't heard about it before now. And at least Blake did not seem more upset. Yet.

"It seems she doesn't do anything without payment," the commander said, confirming the suspicion she suspected was in the air. "The goddess has just shy of thirty Shel'ti men, and she wants ten of ours in exchange." The commander gave the captain a few moments to process the information before she added more details.

"She wants them to volunteer rather than finding them through attacks." Maybe that was stretching the truth, but Mizu was not above doing that to smooth information over. "Captain Rutliff already has most of the volunteers standing by. I wanted you to hear it from me."

There was more she needed to say, though. "Knowing that we had a hand in destroying her temples, I'm willing to make the trade. But I want those who volunteer to know they are honored and respected for their choice. We'll be holding a ceremony for them tomorrow night." Mizu paused again, wondering how much she dared push her luck. "In the event that some of your men decide to go, I would like you to attend to see them off."

Blake winced and returned her gaze down to her tea as the thought of relinquishing ten men to the goddess sank into her belly like a knife. She searched quickly for the feeling from the shimmer, though, and it was easier to find when Mizu said the goddess wanted the men to volunteer. Not that a fresh wave of disgust didn't also hit her, but perhaps if they really were offerings, it would be more like that shimmer for them, and less like whatever had happened to Philip and Nathan before.

It was also good news that most of the volunteers were already accounted for. The way Mizu said it put Blake at ease that at least she wouldn't be expected to participate in the process of recruiting them. The captain nodded in gratitude that Mizu had made sure to tell her directly. Then, her gaze returned a little sharply to the commander when she referenced their role in destroying the goddess' temples. There was so much wrapped up in that that Blake still hadn't made sense of. She'd felt righteous at the time, hopeful that they were purifying their kingdom, but it had also been the source of the largest crack in her trust in Rorrim before it finally crumbled. She'd recognized in her meditations these past few days that she'd never reassessed the Demon Queen since leaving Rorrim. It was a daunting task--it meant reassessing many things, none of which she'd had time or space to really look at since the war began. But, it seemed the time to start looking at them was here, much as she was loathe to admit it.

Blake studied her commander's face while she processed what was before her. She hoped that Philip and Nathan wouldn't go, but... someone had to. As much as Blake wanted to turn her head and hide from what they were doing... would she be able to live with herself if she did?

"I trust you, Commander." she said after a moment, bowing her head slightly but keeping eye contact with Mizu. "I don't know what this path looks like, and I will struggle on it. But if it's the path that you're choosing... a ceremony is the proper decision. I will mourn the soldiers we send, but I will honor them with you."

Her hands clutched tensely at her mug, hints of sorrow tugging at her expression as each word sank a fresh blade somewhere deep inside her, butchering old convictions she'd once held so dear. But, she'd already decided they weren't enough when she chose to betray her king, and now they threatened to kill her trust in Mizu, which she could not abide, not after they'd come this far.

The commander knew she had given Blake more than enough to chew on, and she understood enough of Blake's reasons for possible discomfort to stay silent and let the captain think everything over. She was painfully aware that this would cut nearly as close as losing their own soldiers in battle had, but Mizu clung to the hope that Blake understood this was what had to be done. Captain Bronwen might not agree to this in a vacuum, but given the circumstances, the commander felt secure in Blake's... faith.

I trust you, Commander. The sentiment bloomed in Mizu's chest radiantly, so obviously calling the goddess' shimmer to mind that she could not help the softness that came over her eyes. After having made so many decisions regarding the goddess that the commander had been unsure about, it was unreasonably helpful to have some reassurance that someone still trusted her.

While she soon chastised herself for putting so much stock in Blake, she couldn't banish the feeling entirely.

The commander was further moved by Blake's blessing about the ceremony. While Mizu would not necessarily have thought of it herself, she was immensely grateful that she was collaborating with people who had.

"I want to deeply respect the mourning," the commander said, not at all wanting to downplay Blake's concern. To ensure that was the case, she paused for a long moment before finally adding, "Nothing is guaranteed, but for what it's worth, Captain Rutliff does intend to get them back after the war." The commander decided not to mention that Evan might switch them out; Mizu didn't want to take the risk. She wasn't certain that Blake wouldn't just think that was worse. Although, thinking about it from Blake's perspective, Mizu wondered for the first time if it might be.

Some arrangement would have to be made with the goddess. If the goddess was going to be taking Mizu's people once the war was over, the commander wanted to know damn sure it was fucking necessary that the goddess consume them.