Written Wonderland

"I should probably get some sleep." Mizu looked up at Evan where he looked sad and tired again, the energy from his earlier amusement evaporated. Mizu's shoulders slid down a fraction. She lamented that they didn't have more time.

Nodding, she walked him to the tent door and said, "Thank you. Truly." Turning from him, she added, "I do hope the volunteers rotate out. Eventually," and let him go.

--

After he was gone, the commander ran through the list of things she needed to do. Tell Serio their plans were still on. Inform the other captains. Celebrate the alliance and send off the Shel'ti. Gods.

And Rhys? She needed to contact him.

Before Evan's report, she hadn't been certain it was necessary. Mizu might only have had to call again later. But now, by all accounts, Ponderance was likely at the palace, and Rhys might have even had something to do with it.

Retrieving the wooden sphere from her small bag of belongings, Mizu rubbed her finger over the runes and waited.

"Rhys?" She whispered. But there was no response. After another moment, she whispered again, more fervently. Still nothing.

The commander lowered the sphere in her hand. It was rare that Rhys didn't respond to her, though he had instructed her not to keep it on her person. She had to believe that he was simply doing the same. But, she realized. He's never failed to respond before. It had been somewhat uncanny, really.

Perhaps he is also compromised, Mizu thought, but something in her gut clenched around the idea. She had a difficult time believing that a sorcerer in Rorrim's control would be better at their work than Rhys. But, then again, they were entirely out of comfortable territory here.

And the demons that attacked them all... what of them?

The demons attacked both sides, Miyamoto, Rhys said in her mind. They weren't fully under the king's control. We had losses, same as you. Why was she suddenly struggling to believe that?

Maybe it was just that she had spent last night with Lance, but she missed Rhys. There had been comfort and rhythm to the time they spent together. It had been difficult to give it up. Some part of her still hoped something could come of it again, after they were reunited, but they had both made it very clear that her leaving was the end.

Her stomach hurt. Her chest ached. And she still had things to do.

Taking a deep breath, she put the sphere back in her bag, and on a whim, she pulled the blanket she had thrown over Lance up into her arms and gave it the smallest squeeze before setting it back down.

--

The conversation with Captain Kade was level enough. She gave Evan's report, and they determined they should go through with the ceremony. Supplies had already been prepped for the old priestess. Miyamoto nodded approvingly. She appreciated so much how she could always count on Kade's knack for logistics.

They determined that they would need to bring the captains together to tell them about Ponderance and let them ask their questions. The commander knew that would be grim, but she agreed that it needed to be done.

Next, Mizu made an appearance at the mess tent, gathering every last ounce of excitement and energy she had to offer.

Standing in front of the cauldrons and the attendants, she addressed everyone there, knowing word would get around.

"As many of you know, we had a Shel'ti emissary in our midst last night," she said loudly. After a dramatic pause, she added, "We'll be signing papers to solidify the alliance day after next."

It took all of two seconds before a cheer went up, and soon everyone was on their feet with true and honest smiles. Mizu couldn't bring herself to fully share in their glee, but she did turn her head to one of the cooks and nodded, suggesting extra rations for anyone around.

She did not stay there long, however. She went to see the dignitary off herself, and that done, began to circle the camp, calling the available captains together.

Mizu managed to gather all the captains except Rutliff and Kade quickly, and she wasn't concerned about them. They both knew the situation.

The commander kept it brief, asking Fujiwara to elaborate at moments. Though Mizu appreciated the way Yukiko was still able to recount the facts, it was clear that she was torn up about the matter, understandably so. Mizu hoped that the captain didn't blame herself.

Once all the questions were asked and the captains were nearly ready to leave and prepare their parts of the ceremony--except Miller, of course, who kept shaking his head--Mizu finished strong. "This is grave news, I know. It's destabilizing to have such gains and losses at the same turn. But I want you to know, there's likely nothing any of us could have done to prevent this. We have done everything in our power to stand by what is right and good and honest and to represent the people who believe we can do this. And we will continue to do so." Mizu made a point to look at Yukiko during the last few words.

The commander thought it was bolstering enough, though she never quite felt comfortable giving speeches such as these.

((OOC: I guess, Mizu is actually content saying what she wanted to say to Yukiko in front of everyone, but there's an opportunity here if Yukiko wants to initiate once people leave.))

A panicked soldier waking his captain in the night. The hushed whispers of the captain and her handful of trusted guards processing what to do with the prince and his nighttime guardian both missing, discovered only by a change of shift. Scouts sent on a wild goose chase and sentries standing guard over an empty tent for the sake of appearances, while Fujiwara sought guidance from the commander… a nude lieutenant Holloway in audience.

Honestly Yukiko appreciated the levity. Was happy that Mizu had seized an opportunity. But she was also rather melancholy. She'd discarded a similar opportunity--granted, some time ago now. But she'd raised a bar, when she had done that, one that no one else had risen above since. She had to admit it was lonely.

When she returned, she told her soldiers what she had gathered from the commander--an understanding that the prince's disappearance would get out, but no plan to disseminate the information yet. So it was a judgment call. No oath to secrecy, just the solemn understanding of the gravity the news would bear. She expected her soldiers would tell who they needed to--certainly, the next guards on shift, and so forth--but it would likely take some time to filter into the rest of camp; no one particularly wanted to boast about a disappearance under their own noses.

Yukiko thought of her encounter with Dehaljadrun as she tried to settle back into sleep. Should she have revealed her nature? Had she revealed it already? Would the goddess tell Evan tonight, and Evan Mizu in the morning? What was her nature exactly, anyway? She’d felt clarity when the goddess had rifled through her memories--looking for Evan, finding misplaced worship as Yukiko masqueraded as both the right and wrong thing. But the clarity was so fleeting, so difficult to even look at in the dark of night, especially under the shadow of a duty unfulfilled.

No, she was rather done sleeping for tonight. Yukiko got more fully dressed, and went to visit Ponderance's tent, standing alone in the vacant space. Most of the prince's belongings were still present, little wooden toys abandoned--save one. Yukiko hoped that Ponderance still had it. That he could contact his mother, at the very least. That wherever he was, he would be okay. At least the king shouldn't wish ill for the boy, if it was indeed the king who had him. The prince had been kidnapped, by all accounts, and, hopefully, rescued. Yukiko couldn't even imagine where else he would be, or perhaps she didn't want to. She just hoped she had done as much right by him as she could.

She tried to think about her jungle, the sensation of being in multiple places at once--could that help her understand what had happened here? But before she could focus on that, she found herself thinking of the flame that had extended from her on the battlefield, the demons that they had faced there. They'd felt familiar, but distantly so, like something from a half-remembered dream. Her soldiers hadn't spoken to her of the fire. She still had confided in no one about any of it. Was that reckless, at this point? What was she waiting for? To have it all figured out by herself, first?

Captain Kade came by and bid to interrupt her ruminations, which she obliged. He'd been informed by Holloway of all people about the situation. At least that allowed them both to share in some more levity. He didn't seem to be interested in talking with her about strategy, which was in some ways comforting. Here was certainly hoping he wasn't just treating her with little kid gloves. He asked a favor of her--to mend a pair of boots for the priestess. One of the old woman's requests, in exchange for all she had done, and would do, for them. Yukiko was happy to spend her sleepless night repaying not one but two favors, fixing something well within her power to fix.

---

The next day was positively surreal, to be honest. Ripples interspersed through camp of both excitement and apprehension for the upcoming ceremony. Fujiwara’s retinue was understandably a little bit muted on that front, though just as she had guessed, it didn't seem like news had spread beyond a handful of knowing glances. Others were picking up that something was amiss, but no one was quite ready to ask about it yet.

Distractions also came by way of murmurs about Captain Rutliff's return that morning--something about new armor, befitting a consort of the goddess of desire. Yukiko was tempted to seek him out if for only a glance, but, as ever, she was dissuaded on account of being one of the last people that Evan would want to see. That did still sting, and she wondered if it would ever not be true again.

Later, a new wave of distractions came by way of bubbling cheers from the mess tent, news of the emissary from the Shel'ti officially announced to the camp. At long last, they had allies. And even before they had completed their end of the bargain, the goddess had made good on hers. That did lift spirits, at least until the summons came for an all-captains' meeting. Then, it was time to acknowledge the more somber news in the air.

---

The commander kept it brief, asking Fujiwara to elaborate at moments. Fujiwara reported on the facts as she could. No blame came directly at her, but it nonetheless hung heavy in the air, and Fujiwara could not help but feel it on her shoulders. Still, she did her best to stand up tall.

"This is grave news, I know," the commander said in closing. "It's destabilizing to have such gains and losses at the same turn. But I want you to know, there's likely nothing any of us could have done to prevent this. We have done everything in our power to stand by what is right and good and honest and to represent the people who believe we can do this. And we will continue to do so."

Miyamoto made a point to look at Fujiwara during the last few words. They stung--honest in particular ringing in Yukiko's head. But, what was she to do, announce out of the blue that she--that she what? Didn’t seem to be entirely human? Might be blessed by Horu? Might even be--no, it was still too difficult to even think it. The hubris it took to overthrow a king, Yukiko could handle, but to proclaim herself a god? No, she could not. Certainly not spontaneously in front of the majority of the captains in that moment.

She did at least entertain lingering to speak with Mizu in private, perhaps share just the most salient, undeniable facts. That she always felt at home in temples to Horu, more called to admire the worshipers there and the offerings they made than to worship or make offerings of her own. That throughout her life she imagined a place nostalgic though she had never been there, which called to her, that needed her help, that suffered without her. That once, she pretended to be a different goddess, and it felt so horribly wrong and right at the same time, that nothing had felt the same since. That she had summoned the aid of fire in their battle against demons, and known without a shadow of a doubt that something supernatural touched her. That when she had spoken with Dehaljadrun before the shimmer, she'd felt like she was speaking to an equal, as crazy as that sounded.

But… there was so much else for the commander to see to today. So much on her mind. Even the other captains, they all had roles in this upcoming ceremony, so much they had to get to. Fujiwara as well. There was no time for her ideation today, no matter how real of a thing it reached for.

Fujiwara offered the commander a nod, and fully intended to take her leave with the rest of the captains present.

((OOC: Hokay. I'm not 100% attached to anything here, but wanted to get a bunch of stuff written down to at least try to solidify some things. Open to many conversations lol. I guess, ultimately, right now Yukiko does not feel ready to initiate a conversation with Mizu about it. And apparently in Yukiko's mind, this is what the conversation would be about. I don't think she'd be taking Ponderance's disappearance nearly as heavily as merely the captain in charge of him. If Mizu initiates a conversation that might be different. If she doesn't... there's a *chance* Yukiko might actually seek someone else out. We can talk about that if/when it seems relevant.))

((OOC: Continuing from Yukiko's conversation with Ramanujan))

Yukiko came to a stop some paces away from the commander's tent, taking in a deep breath and exhaling wholly. It was one thing to reveal herself to a soldier she hadn't known. It was another to reveal herself to her commander. Would that even continue to be who Mizu was to Yukiko after this conversation? Would Yukiko even want her to be? She pressed her hands to her chest and her lower belly, closing her eyes for a moment and sinking into the warm, roiling flames she felt within her. She was still her, just... also more. A part of something greater. Perhaps, in some ways, it was like Evan; still acting in allegience with the cause, but the tug of service to a goddess too palpable not to acknowledge. Truly, Yukiko was glad that Evan had found his way to her. Hopefully, one day, she would find her way to Horu--whatever other pieces needed to be found.

With one more deep breath, Yukiko stepped up to the tent.

"Permission to enter, Commander?"

So much of this war had been spent sitting around in worry, but there was nothing to do but wait as the pieces fell into place. Mizu had tried to contact Rhys again, and again there was no response. Beyond that, she needed to keep herself available. If only for the fresh air, Mizu did a lap around the camp, assessing morale and the various tasks Kade had set the camp on to prepare for the ceremony. While a few soldiers approached her to ask logistical questions, she was able to answer them quickly, after which they promptly left. She realized after the second time that happened that she... missed Lance. She wondered if he was still thinking about their night together or if he had already moved on to thinking about his service to the goddess.

Had she expected to catch one more sight of Lance before tonight, in walking the camp? Ridiculous. Absurd. Dangerous, even. But what did it matter if Evan, Yukiko, and Serio all already knew about her moment of weakness?

She rolled her shoulders to shrug the thoughts off. What was done was done, and she refused to regret it. She could face the shame of the consequences if needed, but she would not allow herself to regret it. It truly had been a once-in-a-lifetime moment in those brief minutes when everything felt perfect.

When she returned to her tent, Mizu sat down, staring at the map and wondering if there was anything she could plan or rally to further prepare. But, she was certain she had already thought of everything.

"Permission to enter, Commander?" Captain Fujiwara asked from outside the tent, and Mizu brightened, happy to have a distraction. She stood, ignoring the flare of embarrassment that erupted as she remembered how Fujiwara had witnessed she and Lance last night.

"Of course, Captain," Mizu said, waiting for Fujiwara to enter. "Everything all right?" Mizu wanted to be friendly, welcoming, even. She knew that Yukiko was still grappling with a lot in the wake of the prince's disappearance, likely now with even less to occupy herself with than Mizu had.

"Of course, Captain," Mizu said, and Yukiko stepped inside with a heavy sigh. "Everything all right?" Mizu's voice was warm, which seemed rather notable. Perhaps she was already primed for interaction more like their last talk about the gods. Yukiko smiled, though suspected some kind of melancholy shone in her eyes, if not apology preempting itself.

"Yes," she said, allowing her posture to be more casual than usual, one hand loosely clasping her opposite wrist behind her back. She still hadn't decided how to begin this, though, and her eyes meandered about the tent, her feet walking her slowly toward nothing in particular. "Only, I was hoping that you might have space to speak... spiritually." She brought her eyes back to Mizu hopefully, waiting a beat to see what response Mizu would give.

Fujiwara smiled warily, and Mizu tensed a little.

"Yes," Yukiko said, though she held one of her wrists behind her back as though she were a sheepish child. Mizu grew a little more concerned and turned her head slightly.

"Only, I was hoping that you might have space to speak... spiritually." Mizu nodded, remembering their earlier conversation about the gods. There was little else to do presently, and Mizu had been growing more curious about the whole pantheon since then, even listening in now and again when the soldiers told about their traditions and myths. She wanted to be ready when and if their scope extended to the heavens.

"Yes. Come sit with me?" Mizu sat back down at the table again, gesturing to the seat nearby.

"Yes. Come sit with me?" Mizu nodded and gestured to a nearby chair as she took her own seat at the map table. Yukiko nodded happily, glad for the invitation to sit, even as anxiety buzzed within her chest as she walked toward it. She let out a loud sigh when she sat, and her thumbs ran over each other in her lap as she assessed how to begin.

"There's something I never told you about the battle at Yersil," she began sheepishly. "When the demons came, I... well, even now, it's hard to describe exactly what happened. What I can say confidently is that flames erupted between the demons and my soldiers. Too late to save everyone, but... it helped the rest withdraw safely. What feels crazier to say but still rings true in my bones is that... I somehow summoned those flames."

She let stand a pause there, her expression an almost pained grin as she watched Mizu for how this was landing. Maybe it was cowardly to begin this small, but... then again, it was, in some ways, the beginning of what she owed Mizu. Before that moment, everything had been... internal. Wholly within her own spritual journey. But once it became external like that... that was when she'd bgun to obscure things. In hindsight, it was painful to look at, and she felt a stab in her heart. A part of the goddess of truth and light, intentionally obscuring realizations? Gods, what had she been thinking? Well, she'd been trying to deny that nature, she supposed. Or at least, to avoid having to embrace it. Surely she could have compassion for herself, even as she came clean now.

((OOC: I think Yukiko will keep talking before too long, mostly just giving Mizu a chance to take in what she's saying first.))

Mizu watched as Yukiko sat down, fidgeting with her thumbs in her lap. It was always fascinating, how much others, even captains, allowed their states of mind to show in their gestures. Even knowing that she herself was unique in that regard, the commander couldn't help but interpret the demonstration as a sign of vulnerability and trust.

"There's something I never told you about the battle at Yersil," Yukiko began sheepishly. Mizu's brow furrowed, not at all expecting the conversation to go there.

"When the demons came, I... well, even now, it's hard to describe exactly what happened. What I can say confidently is that flames erupted between the demons and my soldiers. Too late to save everyone, but... it helped the rest withdraw safely. What feels crazier to say but still rings true in my bones is that... I somehow summoned those flames."

Mizu looked hard at Yukiko, her mind racing to piece together what Yukiko was saying. The commander had heard the soldiers talk about a bolt of lightning that night, but Mizu hadn't seen it herself. And by that point, the demons had already been withdrawing. So much about that night was strange and uncomfortable--Mizu didn't like to think about it. But now Yukiko thought she was responsible? What did that mean?

"Have you been able to... reproduce the... flames?" the commander asked, feeling very much that she was wading into unfamiliar territory.

"Have you been able to... reproduce the... flames?"

Yukiko gently shook her head.

"No. Granted," she added after a pause, "I haven't tried very hard. It's been a struggle to even..." Yukiko genuinely tried to find the words she was looking for, but after a moment relented, letting out a full-bodied sigh and opening her hands into a shrug. She still had to work her way up to what exactly the struggle has been... she still struggled with it, even now.

"What I have done is... dream. Daydream--vivdly. Experience. It's been... intangible, but present my whole life. A connection, with Horu. I imagined it must be similar to the connection that other spiritual people have with some god or another, maybe even several of them. But... "

What next? Yukiko shook her head, her eyes looking off into the distance for a moment. At last, she settled on the moment that had most tangibly shifted it all. The next moment she'd obscured something from Mizu's view.

"When Dehaljadrun came to speak with me yesterday in that soldier's body... this sounds even crazier than the flames, but she was familiar to me. Like a sister I'd not seen since we were babes. I don't think she realized, but... she may."

Her eyes flickered back to Mizu, aware that she was finally saying something of substance, if still obtusely. She wrestled with herself, half wanting to pause and give Mizu a chance to take that all in, and half feeling that she should keep going, to stop avoiding being the one to make the important statement out loud.

((OOC: Which I suppose it so say, Yukiko may look like she still wants to say something else, and she will continue speaking before too long, but Mizu certainly has a chance to react/interject here if she would like.))