Philip/Novelty

[andrav]

When Novelty heard Philip talk next, his posture stiffened slightly at the mention of Philip's tent, but his eyes widened in vulnerability as though to counteract and maybe even shrug off his concern. Internally, though, sensation erupted in his stomach about what Philip would say. The captain's pause didn't help matters, and Novelty became doggedly determined to keep walking, unwilling to give in to his nerves.

Novelty idly hoped that Philip would talk about anything else they had said or done in the tent, but of course, Philip brought up the kiss.

Why?

Novelty sighed.

Why? Because Philip had been ridiculous and innocent and adorable and helpless in that moment? Because the expression on his face was so open and welcoming? Because Novelty didn't think he would even be here right now?

All those things were true, but none of them were satisfying.

Finally, Novelty asked, "Well, did you like it?" May as well get that out of the way now. Novelty knew Philip would know he was dodging the question with another question, but honestly, it was a terrible question, and there was no good answer for it.

[Emily]

Philip's face felt hot when Novelty replied with a question. He felt a lot of things at once, which he didn't have time to sort out.

"I--" he started to answer a bit defensively, but truthfully, he didn't know what he was actually going to say. He had to catch up with himself a bit first, and he swallowed heavily in the meantime.

"It surprised me." Well, that was true enough, surely. He knew it didn't exactly answer Novelty's question, though, but... well, Novelty hadn't exactly answered his.

He looked to the side, at a bush that caught a beam of twilight from between the leaves of the tree above it. Ah, should he be doing more to help Novelty look for his flowers? He took a more serious look at the foliage around them, giving an earnest assessment of whether any of the plants in sight might match what the soldier was looking for. Maybe it would actually be better to focus on that while they still had some light to go by.

[andrav]

Hmm... that wasn't an answer to his question. But, he supposed it was only fair given that Novelty had side-stepped Philip's earlier one. The soldier sighed and could not help but notice that the lieutenant doubled down on looking for flowers. What was Philip's game here? He clearly had wanted to spend more time with Novelty, but for what purpose?

Novelty stopped and faced the man, eyebrows narrowed and gaze searching while Novelty placed his fists on his hips. Maybe Philip wasn't ready for a conversation of this caliber--he still seemed a little out of it, after all--but if the two of them were genuinely going to the goddess together...

Looking down, Novelty sighed again and started talking, not entirely sure where his thoughts would end up. "Spontaneity. The moment... was right. It felt absurd for you to reassure me about your well-being, and it made glee... leap from my lips. I wanted to share it with you, and I didn't think very hard about whether that was a good idea because... I thought I was leaving this world tonight, and you've always held a certain mystery to me. Not leaning into that moment... it might have become a regret later."

Novelty looked back at Philip with a plea in his eyes, eyebrows lightly raised and pulled together, white-blond hair falling into his face, curious how Philip would respond. He wanted it to have been worth it to take such a risk.

[Emily]

"Spontaneity."

Philip straightened and turned to look at Novelty, surprise opening his expression. Fluster urged him back towards his search, but he listened as the soldier continued speaking, and truthfully, the lieutenant's efforts flagged as emotions stirred up in his stomach. Some of it was good--glee, yes, that had been there. But a lot of it was disorienting--Philip had been absurd? Novelty wasn't sure it had been a good idea? No, Philip supposed it might not have been. But it might have been? He frowned and straightened up again, swallowing as he placed a hand over his stomach, trying to calm the storm inside. At least it seemed...contained? He didn't feel like there was a cloud around him, not like he had the past day or two before. It was just him in these woods, Novelty nearby, the air crisp and clear between them.

Philip finally turned to look at Novelty again, and saw that the soldier was looking at him with a plea in his eyes. Philip's own eyes softened, and he swallowed again before giving a small nod. He wanted to leave it at that, but a tug kept his attention digging into what else he might actually say, and finally, he found the words.

"I... did like it."

He couldn't keep eye contact another instant, though, and swept a little ways away around a tree to fervently recommence his search for flowers there.

[andrav]

The tension in Novelty's face dissipated as soon as Philip said something, the nod doing nothing for Novelty's nerves. Well, good, at least that was clear now. Although, it seemed that Philip had no intentions of assertively taking things that direction again, for which Novelty couldn't help but be a little disappointed. For a moment, Novelty thought about continuing his earlier monologue and imagined effusing about the delight of the experience, or perhaps even the excitedly way he talked to Lance about it, but... No. Philip's shy demeanor deterred him.

Novelty followed Philip's lead and began searching for the flowers again, the desire and pressure to fill the silence weighing heavily on him. But then there was a glimmer of a dark purple color under some of the bushes just ahead, and Novelty skipped forward, quickly getting on his knees to inspect what he had found and how much of it there was. It was climbing jade for certain; Novelty recognized it by it's fragrance. It had been sold in perfume form for exuberant amounts of money when the merchants came through his village. There was a hardy vine here, and if there was one, there had to be more.

Reaching with his eyes further away from the camp, Novelty saw glimpses of lavender, wisteria, and more climbing jade peeking out from most of the bushes, almost giving the area a glow in the twilight.

With awe opening and disarming his face, Novelty approached a few of the clusters, bending down to assess each of them. The deeper he walked, the more densely the fragrance of the flowers became, and Novelty quickly grew pleasantly dizzy from the potency of it all. He only barely kept his eyes from rolling back into his head when he thought about wearing these flowers nude in front of everyone in camp, but instead, he used that momentum to press forward, one slow step after another.

Finally, the dense trees thinned until a small clearing appeared. At the center, there was a slight mulberry-colored glow coming from the ground. Novelty felt drawn to it but had the impulse to look back at Philip first with a question in his eyes. In turning his head, however, he noticed off to the east a small stone shrine erected with fully melted candles dripping off the sides of its flat top. Ornate swirls and images had been carved onto the legs of the shrine that Novelty could not fully make out from this distance.

Novelty looked down at the ground near his boots then, his eyes flitting side to side.

If there was a priestess of the goddess nearby, and the goddess was choosing to attack both their army camp and the Shel'ti, was it possible that the very ground they stood on was in some way closer in proximity to the goddess' realm? This obviously looked like a place of worship--and rightly so--and Novelty did not remember any of the other god's shrines looking this way. And why would the goddess request vining flowers that resonated with another god?

Briefly, Novelty wondered if he should tell Serio to have tomorrow night's ceremony here, but there was no way they would fit even a tenth of their men in this small clearing.

"It seems we got lucky," Novelty said, turning to face Philip more directly. "Now I know where to come tomorrow. Thank you." He wasn't quite sure where to go from here. He still felt a pull toward the glow on the ground, but something about it made him uneasy. It was too attractive, and he'd heard too many stories of men losing themselves in the woods to this goddess of desire.

[Emily]

Philip's stomach was heavy and queasy as they both searched in silence, but at least it seemed stable, in a way. He could last a long time in that state, uncomfortable but with a task to perform.

Novelty surprised him by skipping forward suddenly, and Philip turned to watch as Novelty knelt by a bush. Philip felt his chest lift and brighten when he made out the purple Novelty had spotted, and much of him relaxed. It felt good to be successful in their task, even if Philip hadn't contributed much to it. Philip followed as Novelty eagerly proceeded further in, more and more flowers entering into sight. Soon, Philip couldn't help the smile that rested on his face as he took it all in--the satisfaction of a successful task; the excitement and joy in Novelty's step; the honest beauty of the flowers and the scent of them that filled the air. If there had been a subtle pinprick of unease at Philip's back, it didn't raise to his consciousness until he caught sight of the shrine in a clearing ahead.

Philip gasped softly and stopped in his tracks, his stomach once again swirling and his chest clenching up tight. He felt sick as flashes from his dream came back to him--the nefarious black wax which he'd dripped onto the king's chest; the glistening sheen of sweat in the candle light; Chloe taking the dagger from him, knowing what she had to do.

Gods, why was she going? It almost made Philip feel dizzy, how little that made sense to him. Perhaps, it also hurt, how little that must mean that he really knew her. Somehow, it made all their prayers together feel like something of a lie. But, then, maybe it had been his prayers that were the lie all this time.

Philip was distant by the time Novelty looked back to him, though he tried to blink himself back into place when he heard the soldier speak. He tried to remind himself that he'd done the upstanding thing in that dream, hadn't he? He'd willingly sacrificed himself for his king. He'd protected Chloe from the demon inside him, or at least, given her the means to protect herself. He felt confused about what parts of the dream were him or the goddess, and what they all meant. Desperately, he reached forward for the memory of the way she'd touched his back, the way it had felt like she'd named every bone down his spine. He shuddered, his eyes closing as he let out a soft gasp and tensed his body, briefly worried he might fall if he let himself buckle.

But, then again, maybe he wanted to buckle. He felt the storm clouding around him again, and he reached to the side for a tree to lean against, grateful he'd at least had the sense not to venture into the clearing himself. He worried he might not have made it back out, if he had.

Finally, a soft choke of a sob escaped him, and Philip slowly let himself slide down the tree into a crouch, his arms crossing over his stomach. He tried to focus his eyes, and found the glow of the forest floor here, where earlier he'd superimposed the chaise the king had laid upon. He didn't necessarily feel like that dream actually had anything to do with this specific place, though, other than the resonance with the goddess, he supposed. He tried to muster awe for that glow, though. He remembered how he had found it beautiful, the way the obsidian on the king's chest had glowed as the black of the demon had oozed into it. Hadn't that been the goddess? Even if she'd been the demon, too.

"I'm sorry," his mouth said almost mechanically, his attention still distant and fixed towards the glow on the ground as he held himself stiffly by that tree.

[andrav]

Novelty quickly grew concerned when Philip leaned and then knelt down near a tree with a hand over his stomach. Sure, some part of Novelty wanted to roll his eyes, but the fact of the matter was that this was a man who had still very much not recovered from trauma who was facing again something that certainly felt like it had to do with the goddess. Walking away from the clearing, Novelty first knelt beside Philip then sat fully on the ground with his knees crossed slightly behind and to one side of the lieutenant, deciding the best thing would probably be to be patient.

When Philip apologized, Novelty had the distinct impression that he was apologizing to the goddess, not to Novelty, so Novelty simply quietly held space, waiting for the moment when Philip might make a move that would indicate they should leave.

While Novelty certainly felt drawn toward the glow and probably would have gone further toward it--maybe even touched it--if he had set out on his own, he reasoned that, first, he would be back tomorrow and could reassess then, and second, he would be going to the goddess tomorrow and would probably learn whatever secrets were here there as well.

Yes, for now, he was content to provide Philip with quiet company.

[Emily]

Philip crouched like that for several moments more, some part of him registering Novelty's presence but unable to do much of anything about it. He appreciated that it seemed like Novelty was content with that, though. In some ways, it reminded him of the earlier parts of that fateful dream: of gazing at the stars with Chloe, but now, he gazed at the glowing forest floor with Novelty instead.

At long last, the lieutenant pulled his gaze to his companion, his brow tight with worry and his eyes wet with unfallen tears.

"I..." he studied Novelty's face, terrified he might find any hint of impatience or disdain but compelled to look for it, diligently. He managed to force himself to continue speaking, though, even before he felt confident in his assessment of Novelty's expression. He'd done so much seizing up, he knew he needed to fight the impulse, even and perhaps especially when it was as difficult as it was now.

"I'm terrified that no matter what I do, I'll be ripped in two."

Guilt ate at his stomach, for burdening Novelty with something like that when he felt nearly certain there was absolutely nothing the soldier could do about it. Grimly, Philip pushed himself to his feet, at last too terrified of what he might find in Novelty's expression to keep searching it any longer. He didn't immediately push off the tree in any particular direction, though, just leaned against it a moment, one arm still over his stomach as he gazed up to the sky through the clearing.

[andrav]

Novelty waited, the initial impulse of frustration having completely left his mind as he contented himself with the smell of the flowers and the beauty of everything around him. Yes, he was thrilled to come back here tomorrow to have fresh flowers to wear.

When Philip started speaking and turned toward Novelty, intensely searching Novelty's face, there was only curiosity, at least at first, wide eyes and narrowed lips. But then the determined way that Philip kept looking reignited Novelty's excitement and that decidedly less appropriate ache that was never far away.

Novelty could not help thinking that maybe here, at last, Philip might act on one of his physical impulses, but no. Philip turned away and talked about being torn in two.

Ah, so the lieutenant wasn't decided.

Taking a risk, Novelty said, "You're serving the cause either way," his tone was careful, measured, "so what's keeping you here?" He was leaning toward sounding curious rather than accusatory, but at this point, Novelty couldn't help his bias at wanting Philip to come with him. Imagine the places they might explore.

[Emily]

Philip was grateful for Novelty's attempt at softening the duality of the choice that lay before him, but it came with a lot of bitterness. First and foremost, it seemed, the fact that his choice to serve the cause in the first place had already torn him deeply. What keeps him here? Perversely, yes, the promise--nay, fantasy--of one day reuniting with his fiancé, magically leaving every last thing about this war behind, starting a family and finally doing something wholly and completely right. He felt warm and light thinking about it, but as the vividness faded, a fresh ball of sickness settled into his stomach. That was a dream, and reality would never look like it.

There was something else besides that, though. Something much more immediately palpable.

"I'm still... frightened of her. That at the end of the day she might just be a demon, and any hint to the contrary has merely been lure to reel us all in."

His eyes slowly fell back down to the glowing ground as he spoke, poignantly gazing at the temptation of it. The subtle pulse and pull to step into the circle and answer its calling. Hadn't they always been taught to be wary of such enticement deep in the woods? Philip shook his head. He didn't know how anyone was supposed to make sense of all this. He wished some other god would just answer his prayers and help him truly know the path to take, but then, he couldn't help but wonder--how would he know that such another god wouldn't be a demon, too?

That thought gripped at his heart with terror, but also flooded his body with a strange and overwhelming sense of relief, like some invisible familiar constriction had finally released. A soft but shuddering gasp heaved from his lungs, and he turned to look at Novelty again, his face agape with this horrible realization. He silently grasped for a moment to try to find the words to communicate what had just shifted. Amidst his mental flailing, he found the thought that the dream with his fiancé had been merely a lure, too, and anger flared within him. It was tempting now to despair that the entire world was filled with naught but demons, but that path looked bleak and barren and so utterly purposeless, he managed to turn away from it.

Instead, he refocused his gaze on Novelty, his expression drawing together and intensifying as he once again studied the soldier's face. He thought again to that kiss, and all at once thrill and arousal and delight flooded through him, all the things he'd been too numb to feel that afternoon. A flash of his imagination all but pounced the soldier, but then all at once instead of Novelty it was Evan, and Philip stumbled back a step into the tree beside him with a soft gasp, his gaze now suddenly scared and almost pleading.

"How do you do it?" Philip asked a little breathlessly as he stabilized himself. He was aware that might be a bit vague, but he couldn't find any more words at the moment. He searched Novelty's face for inspiration, or simply for answer, while the tears in his eyes threatened to finally spill over.