Rav had walked up to this coffee shop dozens of times, but not once with his stomach so twisted with anticipation. Even the last conversation that Rav had had with Nick here had been an entirely different flavor of anxiety. There was something possible with Nick now. Rav wasn't seconds from giving up here. In fact, they had well and truly proved that it was going to take more than that for either of them to call this off. Obviously, calling it off was still possible, but it felt distant in a way Rav hadn't felt since his incident.
As Rav opened the door, he saw Nick straight off, bent at the waist to survey the lighted pastry display. A hunger deep in Rav's low belly clawed violently up into his stomach and throat, causing him to bend slightly as he took a step back. He was grateful Nick hadn't noticed him yet.
Right, Rav thought, this is the downside.
The physical sensation still had its claws in Rav's throat, and it was going to be difficult to talk if he didn't get it under control. They were going to have an entire outing together, none of which would even remotely lead to...
No, he couldn't even think about it. He needed to just be here and present and grateful for the fact that Nick wanted to meet him again, even after all the tension last night.
I quit the band, Rav thought, though he couldn't let his mind replay all the reasons why that phrase was so loaded, lest the claws come back.
Instead, Rav stopped staring at Nick and turned to survey the other tables with his hands in his pockets. It was slow for a Saturday morning.
With a deep breath, Rav took a few steps closer to Nick and bent down to look at the pastry display as well, glancing to the side with a mild smirk Nick's direction.
Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Nick eyed a cinnamon roll, chocolate chip cookie, and brownie, pondering which most called to his palate this morning. He also wondered a little if he should get something a little more substantive, but the options for that weren't very enticing here. No, Nick resolved that this was a place for yummy, and he'd worry about nourishing for lunch. But, that still left him with the question of, which option looked yummiest today?
Before he could decide, his gaze was drawn to the side where Rav had stepped up to the counter next to him, glancing to Nick with a mild smirk. Nick smiled wide and stood up straight, feeling the impulse rise to offer a hug, but some kind of shyness or awkwardness kept his hands in his jacket pockets for now.
"Good to see you," he offered warmly instead.
Before he could decide, his gaze was drawn to the side where Rav had stepped up to the counter next to him, glancing to Nick with a mild smirk. Nick smiled wide and stood up straight, feeling the impulse rise to offer a hug, but some kind of shyness or awkwardness kept his hands in his jacket pockets for now.
"Good to see you," he offered warmly instead.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Rav didn't realize he had been going in for a startle until Nick was standing straight up with a wide grin on his face. Nick stood there awkwardly a moment as if working up the nerve to say something.
"Good to see you," Nick said, a little breathless.
Rav slowly lifted his torso and looked at Nick searchingly, one eye slightly narrowed, head tilted. Rav's mouth quirked at one corner. The phrase was so casual. They could have been coworkers or something. Except, Nick was standing right here in front of Rav, expectantly.
Good to see you, as in We've seen each other before and enjoyed it. It hit Rav like a wave that it was rare to have longevity with the people in his life. They were so often fleeting.
Don't get ahead of yourself, Rav. It's the second date.
Realizing he had been silent for a few beats, Rav softened his expression and took his hands out of his pockets.
"Glad to see you actually exist. Not just a figment of my imagination," Rav said, a smile hooking its way onto his face.
"Good to see you," Nick said, a little breathless.
Rav slowly lifted his torso and looked at Nick searchingly, one eye slightly narrowed, head tilted. Rav's mouth quirked at one corner. The phrase was so casual. They could have been coworkers or something. Except, Nick was standing right here in front of Rav, expectantly.
Good to see you, as in We've seen each other before and enjoyed it. It hit Rav like a wave that it was rare to have longevity with the people in his life. They were so often fleeting.
Don't get ahead of yourself, Rav. It's the second date.
Realizing he had been silent for a few beats, Rav softened his expression and took his hands out of his pockets.
"Glad to see you actually exist. Not just a figment of my imagination," Rav said, a smile hooking its way onto his face.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Nick swallowed, feeling his heart thumping momentarily in his throat as Rav stood up straight also, his gaze on Nick searchingly, his mouth quirked at one corner. A franticness stirred in Nick to say something else, maybe reconsider the hug, but he breathed it out slowly, watching Rav's expression with a nervous openness, trying to be curious about what he actually thought was even going on in Rav's mind in the silence. Maybe amusement? Skepticism? Uncertainty?
Rav's expression softened, and Nick's focus relaxed back into his own body as the franticness in his chest dissipated with a subtle relief.
"Glad to see you actually exist. Not just a figment of my imagination," Rav said, smiling. Nick let out a soft giggle, his eyes trailing shyly back toward the baked goods on display. And then... a bloom of melancholy. Maybe a figment of the imagination didn't seem so different from a dream or a memory. He didn't very well want to launch right into that here at the counter, though. Did he? He was starting to feel emotion well in his throat, and he sighed heavily before pulling his gaze back to Rav with a slight apologetic tilt to his brow.
"Definitely not imaginary," he said a bit sheepishly. "And still with some melancholy clinging on." He very nearly said something like, 'is that okay?' but caught himself. It had to be okay. That was the only way he was here right now, if he was in fact going to be real.
So then.... what next? Still not launching into the whole explanation here at the counter. They should have their coffee and treats, take it slow. Shyly, his nervous smile a bit crooked, Nick lifted his gaze to Rav again.
"Could I pay this morning? Then maybe I could tell you a little bit more about the melancholy, if you're open to that. N-not that--" Nick shook his head, rubbing at his hair a little sheepishly. "I mean, even if I pay, you're not obligated to listen to more than you're interested in. I'd just feel better if..." He sighed, rubbing both hands down his face before pressing his palms together in front of his chin, fingertips over his lips, which still held that crooked, sheepish smile of his, his eyebrows once again bent a bit apologetically. "I'm over-explaining." Taking in a deep breath, Nick lowered his hands to his sides, and tried to muster a a more confident expression.
"I'd love for this morning to be my treat." He said, nodding with resolve and hopefulness.
Rav's expression softened, and Nick's focus relaxed back into his own body as the franticness in his chest dissipated with a subtle relief.
"Glad to see you actually exist. Not just a figment of my imagination," Rav said, smiling. Nick let out a soft giggle, his eyes trailing shyly back toward the baked goods on display. And then... a bloom of melancholy. Maybe a figment of the imagination didn't seem so different from a dream or a memory. He didn't very well want to launch right into that here at the counter, though. Did he? He was starting to feel emotion well in his throat, and he sighed heavily before pulling his gaze back to Rav with a slight apologetic tilt to his brow.
"Definitely not imaginary," he said a bit sheepishly. "And still with some melancholy clinging on." He very nearly said something like, 'is that okay?' but caught himself. It had to be okay. That was the only way he was here right now, if he was in fact going to be real.
So then.... what next? Still not launching into the whole explanation here at the counter. They should have their coffee and treats, take it slow. Shyly, his nervous smile a bit crooked, Nick lifted his gaze to Rav again.
"Could I pay this morning? Then maybe I could tell you a little bit more about the melancholy, if you're open to that. N-not that--" Nick shook his head, rubbing at his hair a little sheepishly. "I mean, even if I pay, you're not obligated to listen to more than you're interested in. I'd just feel better if..." He sighed, rubbing both hands down his face before pressing his palms together in front of his chin, fingertips over his lips, which still held that crooked, sheepish smile of his, his eyebrows once again bent a bit apologetically. "I'm over-explaining." Taking in a deep breath, Nick lowered his hands to his sides, and tried to muster a a more confident expression.
"I'd love for this morning to be my treat." He said, nodding with resolve and hopefulness.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Nick giggled, though his attention wandered back to the baked goods. Except, his face didn't light up at the possibility of a cinnamon roll or whatever else Nick was actually looking at. If anything, his face fell. Rav furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Had he said something wrong?
After a moment, Nick sighed and tilted his head. "Definitely not imaginary," he said, "and still with some melancholy clinging on." Rav waited, thinking Nick might have more to say, but there was a brief silence between them as Rav considered how he wanted to follow up. They would need to order, at some point.
Nick pre-empted him, though, "Could I pay this morning? Then maybe I could tell you a little bit more about the melancholy, if you're open to that. N-not that--" Nick shook his head, and Rav raised his eyebrows, nearly wanting to laugh about how nervous Nick was. While Rav had lost patience for the way Nick tied himself in knots the previous night, Rav found it endearing here now that he was fresh and in the light of day. To onlookers, they probably looked very much like a couple. Or, a couple who wanted to be a couple. Rav found he liked the idea that they might think that.
"I mean, even if I pay, you're not obligated to listen to more than you're interested in. I'd just feel better if..." Nick sighed and pulled his hands over his face and slid them down so his fingertips touched his lips, but underneath, he was smiling. He also knew he was being ridiculous, and something about that made it even more adorable. Perhaps it felt like a game they were both in on somehow.
"I'm over-explaining," Nick said, lowering his hands and softening the tension in his expression.
"I'd love for this morning to be my treat," Nick finished, nodding.
Rav still had his eyebrows lifted when he went to move them up, so he brought them down to neutral instead, shaking himself out of witnessing Nick and back toward actually participating in the conversation. Rav tilted his head, surveying Nick with his eyes as he considered the offer.
On the one hand, Rav would appreciate not having to pay. His wage paid the bills, but he wasn't exactly sitting on a nest egg. And, he had paid last time. How did same-sex couples handle the check, anyway? Last time, Rav had wanted to pay because... well... he seemed the most dominant of the two of them, the more assertive. And Rav had invited Nick out to hear about... his past.
It had reassured him that, no matter what else happened, Nick would have gotten a coffee out of it. Maybe Rav could let Nick do the same.
Rav offered his hands up in a playful surrender, his smile still quirking at the corners of his mouth.
"All right. You got me, but I'm sitting in the splash zone this time."
After a moment, Nick sighed and tilted his head. "Definitely not imaginary," he said, "and still with some melancholy clinging on." Rav waited, thinking Nick might have more to say, but there was a brief silence between them as Rav considered how he wanted to follow up. They would need to order, at some point.
Nick pre-empted him, though, "Could I pay this morning? Then maybe I could tell you a little bit more about the melancholy, if you're open to that. N-not that--" Nick shook his head, and Rav raised his eyebrows, nearly wanting to laugh about how nervous Nick was. While Rav had lost patience for the way Nick tied himself in knots the previous night, Rav found it endearing here now that he was fresh and in the light of day. To onlookers, they probably looked very much like a couple. Or, a couple who wanted to be a couple. Rav found he liked the idea that they might think that.
"I mean, even if I pay, you're not obligated to listen to more than you're interested in. I'd just feel better if..." Nick sighed and pulled his hands over his face and slid them down so his fingertips touched his lips, but underneath, he was smiling. He also knew he was being ridiculous, and something about that made it even more adorable. Perhaps it felt like a game they were both in on somehow.
"I'm over-explaining," Nick said, lowering his hands and softening the tension in his expression.
"I'd love for this morning to be my treat," Nick finished, nodding.
Rav still had his eyebrows lifted when he went to move them up, so he brought them down to neutral instead, shaking himself out of witnessing Nick and back toward actually participating in the conversation. Rav tilted his head, surveying Nick with his eyes as he considered the offer.
On the one hand, Rav would appreciate not having to pay. His wage paid the bills, but he wasn't exactly sitting on a nest egg. And, he had paid last time. How did same-sex couples handle the check, anyway? Last time, Rav had wanted to pay because... well... he seemed the most dominant of the two of them, the more assertive. And Rav had invited Nick out to hear about... his past.
It had reassured him that, no matter what else happened, Nick would have gotten a coffee out of it. Maybe Rav could let Nick do the same.
Rav offered his hands up in a playful surrender, his smile still quirking at the corners of his mouth.
"All right. You got me, but I'm sitting in the splash zone this time."
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Rav tilted his head, apparently considering, and Nick did his absolute best to stave off the flurry of competing franticness to wallow in moritifcation at how he'd fumbled that and somehow still find a way to over-explain even more. He managed to keep quiet, breathing steadily, watching Rav's face, though the thumping in his chest was powerful and reverberated in his ears.
Finally, Rav held up his hands in a playful surrender.
"All right. You got me, but I'm sitting in the splash zone this time."
Nick exhaled deeply with relief and nodded. "Yeah, that's only fair," he said with a hint of a nervous giggle in his voice. His gaze turned back to the baked goods case then, but he was pretty sure he knew what he wanted; what he didn't know was whether he should order first or invite Rav to do so, even as he was also aware that he was snagging on another pesky should.
Finally, he managed to draw his eyes back to Rav with yet another sheepish smile and asked, "Do you know what you want? You're welcome to get more than coffee, too, if you want. I'm planning to."
Finally, Rav held up his hands in a playful surrender.
"All right. You got me, but I'm sitting in the splash zone this time."
Nick exhaled deeply with relief and nodded. "Yeah, that's only fair," he said with a hint of a nervous giggle in his voice. His gaze turned back to the baked goods case then, but he was pretty sure he knew what he wanted; what he didn't know was whether he should order first or invite Rav to do so, even as he was also aware that he was snagging on another pesky should.
Finally, he managed to draw his eyes back to Rav with yet another sheepish smile and asked, "Do you know what you want? You're welcome to get more than coffee, too, if you want. I'm planning to."
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Nick's long breath of relief amused Rav. There was no way Nick would be this nervous if he didn't like Rav, right? Surely, it couldn't still be the I'm-on-a-date-with-someone-who-theroectically-could-sexually-assault-me anxiety Rav had expected the last time they had hung out. Nick nodded, and Rav started to doubt himself. Was Nick in conflict with himself about whether continuing to see Rav was a good idea? Maybe. Rav's eyebrows furrowed momentarily.
"Yeah, that's only fair," Nick said, his giggle nervous. Gods, Rav wanted to make Nick nervous--almost wanted to take it as a compliment--but not so nervous that Nick was afraid, not so nervous that he was sick to his stomach. Granted, Nick had been eyeing the baked goods and did so again now, so maybe these genuinely were the normal butterfly-type nerves. Rav hoped so.
Nick turned back to Rav and asked, "Do you know what you want? You're welcome to get more than coffee, too, if you want. I'm planning to."
Hmmmm... so then Rav would owe Nick a debt. Rav hadn't offered to get food last time. Had that been a mistake? He didn't want to think too hard about it.
Rav looked at the baked goods, mulling over the options. He wasn't exactly hungry after his sandwich, but it was hard to pass up a sweet. Rav nodded to Nick and gestured for Nick to walk up to the counter, a small smile at the corner of his lips.
"Yeah, that's only fair," Nick said, his giggle nervous. Gods, Rav wanted to make Nick nervous--almost wanted to take it as a compliment--but not so nervous that Nick was afraid, not so nervous that he was sick to his stomach. Granted, Nick had been eyeing the baked goods and did so again now, so maybe these genuinely were the normal butterfly-type nerves. Rav hoped so.
Nick turned back to Rav and asked, "Do you know what you want? You're welcome to get more than coffee, too, if you want. I'm planning to."
Hmmmm... so then Rav would owe Nick a debt. Rav hadn't offered to get food last time. Had that been a mistake? He didn't want to think too hard about it.
Rav looked at the baked goods, mulling over the options. He wasn't exactly hungry after his sandwich, but it was hard to pass up a sweet. Rav nodded to Nick and gestured for Nick to walk up to the counter, a small smile at the corner of his lips.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Rav looked at the baked goods, contemplating for a moment, and then nodded and gestured toward the counter. Nick's stomach did an excited little flip, and he stepped toward the counter with a little bit of a bounce.
"Twelve ounce mocha and a cinnamon roll, please." He said to the cashier, and then shuffled a little to the side, gesturing for Rav to come order as well before beginning to fish his wallet from his pocket.
"Twelve ounce mocha and a cinnamon roll, please." He said to the cashier, and then shuffled a little to the side, gesturing for Rav to come order as well before beginning to fish his wallet from his pocket.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
As Rav walked up to the counter, he felt a blush come onto his face looking at the barista. When was the last time someone had paid for him? What did this barista think about this exchange? Rav's gaze flicked down to the counter and then over to the display of treats.
"A chocolate croissant," Rav said breathily, looking up at the menu board to find a drink he wanted. His usual was certainly available--iced americano with no room--but something about that felt hollow somehow. Maybe now wasn't a time for Rav to deny himself. What did it look like to indulge, just for today?
"And... an iced caramel macchiato. Sixteen ounce." Rav then nodded and stepped out of the way so Nick could close up the transaction.
"For here or to go?" the barista asked. Rav realized he wasn't sure, and for a moment, he looked at Nick. They certainly could take their coffee to go and get on with the thrift store shopping, but that sounded... less indulgent. Plus, if Nick was going to tell Rav more about the melancholy, maybe they needed more space to do that. They had a history of heavy conversations at this coffee shop, after all.
"For here," Rav said.
"$21.95, please," the barista said, looking from Rav to Nick.
"A chocolate croissant," Rav said breathily, looking up at the menu board to find a drink he wanted. His usual was certainly available--iced americano with no room--but something about that felt hollow somehow. Maybe now wasn't a time for Rav to deny himself. What did it look like to indulge, just for today?
"And... an iced caramel macchiato. Sixteen ounce." Rav then nodded and stepped out of the way so Nick could close up the transaction.
"For here or to go?" the barista asked. Rav realized he wasn't sure, and for a moment, he looked at Nick. They certainly could take their coffee to go and get on with the thrift store shopping, but that sounded... less indulgent. Plus, if Nick was going to tell Rav more about the melancholy, maybe they needed more space to do that. They had a history of heavy conversations at this coffee shop, after all.
"For here," Rav said.
"$21.95, please," the barista said, looking from Rav to Nick.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Nick enjoyed the nervous warmth that he felt while Rav contemplated and made his order. It was nice to play this role, too, and he was glad he'd taken the step to offer it.
"For here or to go?" The barista asked, and Nick might have replied, but Rav looked back at him in a way that made him hesitate, although he wasn't entirely sure why. Maybe just distraction as he tried to read what was in Rav's expression? But, maybe that was all Rav was trying to do, too, and Nick should just answer the barista already. Except, now, he felt nervous and embarassed, and answering the barista would have been more about filling an awkward silence than anything else, and Nick's throat tightened around the impulse.
"For here," Rav said.
Nick felt relieved, but also still dreadfully embarassed. Still, the next step was undoubtedly his to take, and even in his fluster, Nick managed to hand his card smoothly to the barista, grateful he'd already gotten it all ready to go. He even confidently gave his name for the order, again grateful that he'd been prepared to do so. He just hadn't thought to answer the 'here or to go' question, which was perhaps an oversight. He sighed a little as he slipped his wallet back into his jacket pocket, and gave Rav a shy smile as he moseyed away from the cashier counter.
He briefly considered hanging by the drink counter to await their order, but in that direction he found himself beginning to formulate some kind of apology or at least self-conscious comment about somehow flubbing the role he'd signed up for. He didn't want to bother with that, though. He wanted to just shake it off, and trust that Rav was not going to feel horribly slighted just because of a brief awkward hiccup in a social script they hadn't actually navigated together before. So, with a determined exhale, Nick turned his attention toward the tables, deciding that for his next step, he would prefer to go ahead and scope out where he'd like to have this conversation about his melancholy.
He spotted a small open table near a large leafy plant which apparently seemed comforting, and glanced back to Rav before walking toward it, gesturing once it was clear what table he approached and asking, "This look good?"
"For here or to go?" The barista asked, and Nick might have replied, but Rav looked back at him in a way that made him hesitate, although he wasn't entirely sure why. Maybe just distraction as he tried to read what was in Rav's expression? But, maybe that was all Rav was trying to do, too, and Nick should just answer the barista already. Except, now, he felt nervous and embarassed, and answering the barista would have been more about filling an awkward silence than anything else, and Nick's throat tightened around the impulse.
"For here," Rav said.
Nick felt relieved, but also still dreadfully embarassed. Still, the next step was undoubtedly his to take, and even in his fluster, Nick managed to hand his card smoothly to the barista, grateful he'd already gotten it all ready to go. He even confidently gave his name for the order, again grateful that he'd been prepared to do so. He just hadn't thought to answer the 'here or to go' question, which was perhaps an oversight. He sighed a little as he slipped his wallet back into his jacket pocket, and gave Rav a shy smile as he moseyed away from the cashier counter.
He briefly considered hanging by the drink counter to await their order, but in that direction he found himself beginning to formulate some kind of apology or at least self-conscious comment about somehow flubbing the role he'd signed up for. He didn't want to bother with that, though. He wanted to just shake it off, and trust that Rav was not going to feel horribly slighted just because of a brief awkward hiccup in a social script they hadn't actually navigated together before. So, with a determined exhale, Nick turned his attention toward the tables, deciding that for his next step, he would prefer to go ahead and scope out where he'd like to have this conversation about his melancholy.
He spotted a small open table near a large leafy plant which apparently seemed comforting, and glanced back to Rav before walking toward it, gesturing once it was clear what table he approached and asking, "This look good?"