Rav was grateful that Nick's attention dropped away from him after the question, even if it made Nick's chin wobble again. Taking another sip of his drink, Rav wished he had brought his water bottle inside, but it was too late now to get it, and he didn't feel like standing up from the table. Nick pulled Rav's attention back as Nick's hands covered his face, this time muffled sobbing coming out from under his palms. Rav looked around at the other people in the coffee shop, who were politely trying not to notice, but Rav's stomach started to knot up. Did they think Rav was the one making Nick cry? Was Rav's impassivity as damning as it felt? Rav looked down at the table, wondering if he was doomed to a life of making people cry.
He closed his eyes and reminded himself that it was--however it looked from the outside--a compliment in a way. Nick felt safe with him. And yet, maybe it had been stupid to think that the coffee shop would give them more space to talk about this. They would have been better off sitting in Rav's car, or at least there they would have had more privacy. But Rav didn't like the idea of feeling like they needed to go somewhere, like they were in limbo. They were just... here, and the other people could deal. Hell, it was practically direct action, crying in public. It needed to be more normalized.
Nick was being an activist.
The thought made the corner of Rav's mouth turn up. Now he really looked like a sociopath.
But Nick then looked up at him, a new expression on his tear-strewn face. Was Nick... angry? Angry at Rav or angry at the ex? Hard to tell. Rav's eyes widened, and he wondered if this situation was more unstable than he had been prepared for. What if Rav was the one in danger here? No, that was ridiculous. Nick was a blubbering mess. What was he going to do, throw tears at Rav?
Rav forced his hackles back down as Nick shook his head and cleared the expression, wiping his face with all of both arms. Rav made a mental note that washing their hands before they left would be a good idea.
"I guess, if I really managed to speak my mind... I'd tell them I don't really want to talk to them right now. That I care about them, but I'm upset with them right now, and I'm on a date, and they can schedule their own date with me if they really want to get back in touch."
Without warning, Rav let out one chuckle of a laugh before he managed to lock it down, though the humor still lingered in his eyes and mouth. After a moment, he looked down and put his elbows on the table, leaning over and making a visor of his hands across his forehead so he could smile more privately for a moment. Mad at his ex, then, Rav thought, the chuckle continuing heartily in his mind. They can schedule their own damn date.
Rav was surprised how much that statement dissipated his discomfort. He hadn't expected the line of questioning to help--he was mostly buying time, trying to create buffer between the conversation and the confession Nick had made. But, Rav did feel better. It reminded him that none of this needed to be exclusive, that relationships could always exist in parallel, that there was really no need to feel threatened by this person in another country.
"Would you want to say anything to them?" Nick asked. Stunned, Rav tried to his get mouth in order enough that he could look at Nick with a straight face, mostly managing. He lowered his hands and clocked that Nick's hands, palms down this time and soaking wet, were on the table. Rav folded his arms, not moving his elbows, trying to look casual, trying not to laugh again.
Get your own damn date pretty much covers it, Rav thought, but that was a jealous and unsatisfying answer. He took a breath, looking off to the side, wondering if there was something that could create some... camaraderie with the shadow of Nick's ex attempting to displace Rav out of his own body, out of Nick's own attraction to him.
Rav thought back to when this had all come up. Kissing you... pinning me in the bathroom.
Did Rav dare? A wolfish grin threatened to come over his face. If it hadn't been for the laughter threatening to come back, maybe he wouldn't, but...
"Well, if you're going to be such a specter on this date, then the least you can do is tell me where your favorite place to pin Nick was."
Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Rav let out a chuckle, leaning forward to cover his face so only Nick could see the humor in his expression. Nick felt a thousand pounds lighter, his own smile brightening. He felt like he'd successfully accomplished something, moved something through. His throat felt loose, if tired.
Rav pulled his expression more serious, though still light, as he lowered his arms and folded them over the table, presumably contemplating Nick's question. Nick pulled his hands back in to his mug, and finally took a sip of his mocha, letting out a soft, contented hum as the taste suffused his mouth--even at the perfect temperature, after his little preamble. Maybe everything would work out.
"Well, if you're going to be such a specter on this date," Rav said, and Nick opened his eyes to look at the man again. Nick stiffened around a burst of nervous excitement as he caught sight of the sharpness in Rav's eyes, the hint of a grin on his lips, almost conspiratorial as he looked to the side. "Then the least you can do is tell me where your favorite place to pin Nick was."
A surprised, airy giggle escaped Nick's lips as he set his mug back down, one hand coming up to cover half his face in shy embarassment, though a wide grin was still plainly visible. Yes, he had managed to make a bit of a confession amidst all that, hadn't he? He was happy that Rav was playing with it, although he couldn't for the life of him figure out how he wanted to respond. Memories darted through his mind, stoking his excitement but also filling him with some sheepishness--he and his ex had done some exciting things, but, truth told, not in very exciting places. Certainly no park bathrooms or chainlink fences to speak of. Nick pulled his hand down to cover his mouth, his eyes opening to regard Rav with playful contemplation. Was this even Nick's question to answer right now? Perhaps not. With a light exhale, Nick lowered his hand and his gaze back down to his mug, his grin still wide and crooked, though it faded just slightly as he thought about what he did want to say next, since speaking for his ex didn't really seem like the thing.
"So... not too scary of a specter, then?" Nick asked, his eyes shy and hopeful as he looked up to Rav again.
Rav pulled his expression more serious, though still light, as he lowered his arms and folded them over the table, presumably contemplating Nick's question. Nick pulled his hands back in to his mug, and finally took a sip of his mocha, letting out a soft, contented hum as the taste suffused his mouth--even at the perfect temperature, after his little preamble. Maybe everything would work out.
"Well, if you're going to be such a specter on this date," Rav said, and Nick opened his eyes to look at the man again. Nick stiffened around a burst of nervous excitement as he caught sight of the sharpness in Rav's eyes, the hint of a grin on his lips, almost conspiratorial as he looked to the side. "Then the least you can do is tell me where your favorite place to pin Nick was."
A surprised, airy giggle escaped Nick's lips as he set his mug back down, one hand coming up to cover half his face in shy embarassment, though a wide grin was still plainly visible. Yes, he had managed to make a bit of a confession amidst all that, hadn't he? He was happy that Rav was playing with it, although he couldn't for the life of him figure out how he wanted to respond. Memories darted through his mind, stoking his excitement but also filling him with some sheepishness--he and his ex had done some exciting things, but, truth told, not in very exciting places. Certainly no park bathrooms or chainlink fences to speak of. Nick pulled his hand down to cover his mouth, his eyes opening to regard Rav with playful contemplation. Was this even Nick's question to answer right now? Perhaps not. With a light exhale, Nick lowered his hand and his gaze back down to his mug, his grin still wide and crooked, though it faded just slightly as he thought about what he did want to say next, since speaking for his ex didn't really seem like the thing.
"So... not too scary of a specter, then?" Nick asked, his eyes shy and hopeful as he looked up to Rav again.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Gods, had he really just said that. Well, it was out in the open now, no taking it back. Luckily, Nick giggled through a wide grin. Nervous or genuinely happy? Maybe both. Rav really wasn't going to get the pinning thing out of his head, was he?
Sigh.
But Nick was thinking about it now. Rav had called the memories to mind and could almost see them behind Nick's eyes. He ached for them, suddenly frustrated about the mental distance.
It was like running into a wall he couldn't see. Shouldn't see. He stared over the cliff of it, the feel of disembodiment coming back.
Nick covered his mouth, considering Rav, eyes moving in an alternating pattern. Rav held his gaze until Nick looked away.
And then, even the flavor of the memories was gone, or at least subdued, tucked back into place in Nick's mind.
Nick's mouth fell to sheepish, the mental wall not even transparent anymore, utterly obscured.
Tease, Rav thought with a mind scoff.
"So... not too scary of a specter, then?" Nick asked, looking up at Rav, eyebrows lifted.
Rav sobered immediately, his eyes dropping their mirth. Nick had definitely dodged that question. Rav's mouth fell to a frown.
He had to deal with this now.
They'd literally created a ghost, or at least more fully invited one who was already here. And that ghost would be there every time Nick wanted to...
Fuck.
"I don't know, Nick," Rav said, nervous. He didn't know this person, and it certainly didn't seem like things had gone well with them. All he knew was that some terrible accident happened, but what else? What quirks did Nick genuinely still have from that relationship, lying in wait, even if the ghost wasn't actually real?
Then again, what quirks did Rav have from being alone for so long? From messing up?
Rav sighed.
"But, everyone has baggage. It's good you're being honest. Brave, even. At least, that's what I keep telling myself," he said, not looking at the other table again. Rav rubbed the back of his neck and thumbed the paper of his croissant with his other hand, finally bringing it closer to himself but not unwrapping it yet.
"I'm not, like, a therapist, and maybe this is a terrible idea, but is there, like, an object you could associate with them? So that you can... leave them in a box sometimes?"
Rav was fully aware that he hadn't answered Nick's question. The open loop hung heavy in his mind, needing more information.
It wasn't as if Nick was a fae creature trying to trick Rav, but Rav had spooked himself, talking to a person who wasn't actually present. It was difficult to disbelieve it.
"I'd still seriously consider... all this... even if the answer is no, but I'm curious." Rav's eyes flicked to Nick, though they darted over the table and back again several times.
Seriously consider. Why did it feel like Rav was agreeing to the whole relationship? And why did it feel so possible to say no?
You're not in a relationship with him, Rav. You don't owe him anything, he told himself.
But, Rav still wanted the friendship. And he wanted to be a good friend regardless.
He wasn't leaving just yet.
Sigh.
But Nick was thinking about it now. Rav had called the memories to mind and could almost see them behind Nick's eyes. He ached for them, suddenly frustrated about the mental distance.
It was like running into a wall he couldn't see. Shouldn't see. He stared over the cliff of it, the feel of disembodiment coming back.
Nick covered his mouth, considering Rav, eyes moving in an alternating pattern. Rav held his gaze until Nick looked away.
And then, even the flavor of the memories was gone, or at least subdued, tucked back into place in Nick's mind.
Nick's mouth fell to sheepish, the mental wall not even transparent anymore, utterly obscured.
Tease, Rav thought with a mind scoff.
"So... not too scary of a specter, then?" Nick asked, looking up at Rav, eyebrows lifted.
Rav sobered immediately, his eyes dropping their mirth. Nick had definitely dodged that question. Rav's mouth fell to a frown.
He had to deal with this now.
They'd literally created a ghost, or at least more fully invited one who was already here. And that ghost would be there every time Nick wanted to...
Fuck.
"I don't know, Nick," Rav said, nervous. He didn't know this person, and it certainly didn't seem like things had gone well with them. All he knew was that some terrible accident happened, but what else? What quirks did Nick genuinely still have from that relationship, lying in wait, even if the ghost wasn't actually real?
Then again, what quirks did Rav have from being alone for so long? From messing up?
Rav sighed.
"But, everyone has baggage. It's good you're being honest. Brave, even. At least, that's what I keep telling myself," he said, not looking at the other table again. Rav rubbed the back of his neck and thumbed the paper of his croissant with his other hand, finally bringing it closer to himself but not unwrapping it yet.
"I'm not, like, a therapist, and maybe this is a terrible idea, but is there, like, an object you could associate with them? So that you can... leave them in a box sometimes?"
Rav was fully aware that he hadn't answered Nick's question. The open loop hung heavy in his mind, needing more information.
It wasn't as if Nick was a fae creature trying to trick Rav, but Rav had spooked himself, talking to a person who wasn't actually present. It was difficult to disbelieve it.
"I'd still seriously consider... all this... even if the answer is no, but I'm curious." Rav's eyes flicked to Nick, though they darted over the table and back again several times.
Seriously consider. Why did it feel like Rav was agreeing to the whole relationship? And why did it feel so possible to say no?
You're not in a relationship with him, Rav. You don't owe him anything, he told himself.
But, Rav still wanted the friendship. And he wanted to be a good friend regardless.
He wasn't leaving just yet.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Rav immediately sobered, his lips falling to a frown. Nick's expression fell in kind, his stomach dropping again--though, at least not all the way to the ground this time. He wasn't catastrophizing just yet, just feeling humbled and a little off-kilter that he'd misguessed what Rav's comment to Nick's specter had meant about where Rav was actually at. So he was attentive now, studying the man's expression, keeping his own expression still and quiet, trying to recalibrate what he thought was actually happening.
"I don't know, Nick," Rav said, and the silence that followed rang in Nick's ears. All he could do was swallow down the temptation to catastrophize and wait for Rav to say more.
At last, Rav sighed. "But, everyone has baggage. It's good you're being honest. Brave, even. At least, that's what I keep telling myself."
The words were... good. There was some relief that that's where Rav's thinking was at, at least... but there was more under the surface, Nick was sure of that. He watched as Rav rubbed at the back of his neck and thumbed the paper of his croissant, bringing it closer to himself but not unwrapping it yet. Nick remembered his cinnamon roll... but couldn't for the life of him even contemplate moving right now.
"I'm not, like, a therapist," Rav continued, "and maybe this is a terrible idea, but is there, like, an object you could associate with them? So that you can... leave them in a box sometimes?"
Nick blinked and tilted his head a little, finding just enough relaxation within himself to start emoting a little bit more as he contemplated the idea.
"I'd still seriously consider... all this..." Rav added, "even if the answer is no, but I'm curious."
Nick nodded gently, mostly as a way to acknowledge Rav's addition there, but his mind still contemplated the initial query. It was an interesting idea, though Nick was drawing a blank as to what sort of object might serve that purpose. He and this ex hadn't really been gift people; and especially after the move, there weren't really any solid artifacts of them in Nick's possession, at least not that Nick could think of right now. He had never recognized an absense in that before, and he wasn't entirely sure that thinking of it as an absence was even accurate now, but it was interesting to look from this angle. It was new, and novel, and Nick decided he would enjoy thinking about it, though he'd perhaps exhausted his interest in doing so right now.
"It's an interesting idea," he said. "I'll have to think on what might work for that, but... that does seem like an interesting thing to try."
He considered leaving it at that, letting that small offering stand on its own for Rav to respond to, but his gaze got pulled to the side, toward the direction where Rav had addressed his comment to the specter. Maybe they needed something right now, though. But what? Nick hadn't exactly brought much with him. His eyes moved to the table, surveying the items before them, but none seemed very useful for this. They all served other purposes. He thought about what he might be able to go get--a napkin, maybe? It might be nice to actually wipe his eyes... or, actually...
Nick lifted his gaze to Rav, settling on an idea to propose.
"For now... maybe I could go wash my face, and tell the specter to wait at home? Like, maybe, now that I've told you about it and gotten stuff off my chest... I think I can wash the melancholy off and let it go for today."
"I don't know, Nick," Rav said, and the silence that followed rang in Nick's ears. All he could do was swallow down the temptation to catastrophize and wait for Rav to say more.
At last, Rav sighed. "But, everyone has baggage. It's good you're being honest. Brave, even. At least, that's what I keep telling myself."
The words were... good. There was some relief that that's where Rav's thinking was at, at least... but there was more under the surface, Nick was sure of that. He watched as Rav rubbed at the back of his neck and thumbed the paper of his croissant, bringing it closer to himself but not unwrapping it yet. Nick remembered his cinnamon roll... but couldn't for the life of him even contemplate moving right now.
"I'm not, like, a therapist," Rav continued, "and maybe this is a terrible idea, but is there, like, an object you could associate with them? So that you can... leave them in a box sometimes?"
Nick blinked and tilted his head a little, finding just enough relaxation within himself to start emoting a little bit more as he contemplated the idea.
"I'd still seriously consider... all this..." Rav added, "even if the answer is no, but I'm curious."
Nick nodded gently, mostly as a way to acknowledge Rav's addition there, but his mind still contemplated the initial query. It was an interesting idea, though Nick was drawing a blank as to what sort of object might serve that purpose. He and this ex hadn't really been gift people; and especially after the move, there weren't really any solid artifacts of them in Nick's possession, at least not that Nick could think of right now. He had never recognized an absense in that before, and he wasn't entirely sure that thinking of it as an absence was even accurate now, but it was interesting to look from this angle. It was new, and novel, and Nick decided he would enjoy thinking about it, though he'd perhaps exhausted his interest in doing so right now.
"It's an interesting idea," he said. "I'll have to think on what might work for that, but... that does seem like an interesting thing to try."
He considered leaving it at that, letting that small offering stand on its own for Rav to respond to, but his gaze got pulled to the side, toward the direction where Rav had addressed his comment to the specter. Maybe they needed something right now, though. But what? Nick hadn't exactly brought much with him. His eyes moved to the table, surveying the items before them, but none seemed very useful for this. They all served other purposes. He thought about what he might be able to go get--a napkin, maybe? It might be nice to actually wipe his eyes... or, actually...
Nick lifted his gaze to Rav, settling on an idea to propose.
"For now... maybe I could go wash my face, and tell the specter to wait at home? Like, maybe, now that I've told you about it and gotten stuff off my chest... I think I can wash the melancholy off and let it go for today."
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Nick nodded, his gaze indirect and contemplative. While Nick thought, Rav decided it was time to taste his croissant. He lifted the pastry out of the bag and tore off one of the corners, bringing it to his mouth. The only problem with chocolate croissants was that they often had all the chocolate in a dense ball at the center, so until then, it was really just a croissant. But, it was flaky and buttery and complemented the macchiato well.
"It's an interesting idea," Nick said as Rav chewed. "I'll have to think on what might work for that, but... that does seem like an interesting thing to try."
Nick's gaze looked over at the empty table with its benches and then looked at their drinks and pastries as though searching here for an object that suited the purpose. Rav almost interjected to say that wasn't exactly what he'd had in mind, but Nick spoke up first.
"For now... maybe I could go wash my face, and tell the specter to wait at home? Like, maybe, now that I've told you about it and gotten stuff off my chest... I think I can wash the melancholy off and let it go for today."
Rav lifted his eyebrows, allowing himself to get hopeful despite himself. He hadn't expected all this to clear so easily.
"To be clear," Rav said before Nick could get up to leave, "I signed up for melancholy, and I'm here for it, if that's genuinely where you're at. But..." Rav looked off to the side, his confidence wavering. "...I heard you say you don't want them here with us right now, so... I mean, if you feel good about it... your plan is a good one. Just..." Rav met Nick's gaze, hesitant.
After a moment, Rav asked, "Before you go, could I hug you first?" Rav had meant it about sitting in the splash zone.
"It's an interesting idea," Nick said as Rav chewed. "I'll have to think on what might work for that, but... that does seem like an interesting thing to try."
Nick's gaze looked over at the empty table with its benches and then looked at their drinks and pastries as though searching here for an object that suited the purpose. Rav almost interjected to say that wasn't exactly what he'd had in mind, but Nick spoke up first.
"For now... maybe I could go wash my face, and tell the specter to wait at home? Like, maybe, now that I've told you about it and gotten stuff off my chest... I think I can wash the melancholy off and let it go for today."
Rav lifted his eyebrows, allowing himself to get hopeful despite himself. He hadn't expected all this to clear so easily.
"To be clear," Rav said before Nick could get up to leave, "I signed up for melancholy, and I'm here for it, if that's genuinely where you're at. But..." Rav looked off to the side, his confidence wavering. "...I heard you say you don't want them here with us right now, so... I mean, if you feel good about it... your plan is a good one. Just..." Rav met Nick's gaze, hesitant.
After a moment, Rav asked, "Before you go, could I hug you first?" Rav had meant it about sitting in the splash zone.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
"To be clear," Rav said, his eyebrows raised, "I signed up for melancholy, and I'm here for it, if that's genuinely where you're at. But..." Rav looked off to the side, contemplating something. "...I heard you say you don't want them here with us right now, so... I mean, if you feel good about it... your plan is a good one. Just..."
Rav met Nick's gaze again. His eyes were soft, but Nick still felt the urge to sit up a little straighter. After a moment, Rav finished his thought. "Before you go, could I hug you first?"
A smile spread wide across Nick's face, and he nodded. Then, a brief sensation of vertigo rolled through him--was it time to stand up, then? Yes, he thought so. His smile grew crooked yet again as he slowly began to push himself to his feet, relinquishing the warmth of his mug to open his palms toward Rav, feeling out a slow but steady approach.
Rav met Nick's gaze again. His eyes were soft, but Nick still felt the urge to sit up a little straighter. After a moment, Rav finished his thought. "Before you go, could I hug you first?"
A smile spread wide across Nick's face, and he nodded. Then, a brief sensation of vertigo rolled through him--was it time to stand up, then? Yes, he thought so. His smile grew crooked yet again as he slowly began to push himself to his feet, relinquishing the warmth of his mug to open his palms toward Rav, feeling out a slow but steady approach.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Finally, the smile that appeared on Nick's face was one Rav thought he could trust. This, at least, felt uncomplicated. It didn't last long, though, as it became crooked in the process of Nick standing up, letting go of his mug.
Rav followed suit, paying close attention to Nick's body language. It wasn't long before Nick came toward Rav, a bloom of gratitude filling Rav's chest that he didn't need to make that decision. He opened his arms, and Nick pressed into Rav's torso. Rav let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, putting a firm hand on the base of Nick's neck from around his back, the other arm pulling Nick's mid-back closer.
He didn't let the hug last as long as he wanted lest their audience get a different kind of uncomfortable. Rav released his arms after about fifteen seconds, bringing his hands on the tops of Nick's shoulders for a few extra moments. Peripherally, Rav saw wet spots on his shirt, but he pushed the thought away, at least until Nick was in the bathroom.
Taking a liberty, slowly and gently, Rav brought a thumb to the part of Nick's cheek closest his ear, hovered there a moment, and grazed against one single tear before fully letting Nick go, nodding with a soft smile toward the bathroom.
Rav followed suit, paying close attention to Nick's body language. It wasn't long before Nick came toward Rav, a bloom of gratitude filling Rav's chest that he didn't need to make that decision. He opened his arms, and Nick pressed into Rav's torso. Rav let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, putting a firm hand on the base of Nick's neck from around his back, the other arm pulling Nick's mid-back closer.
He didn't let the hug last as long as he wanted lest their audience get a different kind of uncomfortable. Rav released his arms after about fifteen seconds, bringing his hands on the tops of Nick's shoulders for a few extra moments. Peripherally, Rav saw wet spots on his shirt, but he pushed the thought away, at least until Nick was in the bathroom.
Taking a liberty, slowly and gently, Rav brought a thumb to the part of Nick's cheek closest his ear, hovered there a moment, and grazed against one single tear before fully letting Nick go, nodding with a soft smile toward the bathroom.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Nick felt oddly grateful when Rav stood to join him, some part of him apparently having braced for the man to hesitate or even change his mind. But instead Rav opened his arms, inviting and welcoming, and Nick happily stepped up to press himself gently against the man, wrapping his arms around Rav's back. He felt one of Rav's hands settle on the back of his neck, sending a cascade of warmth down his shoulder blades as Rav's other hand wrapped around Nick's mid back, holding him close. Nick pressed his own hands warmly into Rav's back, squeezing just the tiniest bit more tightly than Rav squeezed him.
Rav was the first to pull away, but it was after a nice solid moment had passed, several breaths shared in the mutual embrace that helped relaxation sink into Nick's body. They each pulled away slowly, Nick following Rav's lead and trailing his hands onto the man's upper arms as Rav settled his own hands on Nick's shoulders. Nick looked up at Rav shyly, but with openness, and, much to his delight, Rav brought one of his hands up to Nick's cheek, his thumb hovering close to Nick's ear. Warmth swirled gleefully in Nick's chest, yet more tears gently blurring Nick's vision, but welling from a place of gratitude and relief.
After a moment, Rav pulled back more fully, and nodded with a soft smile toward the bathroom. Nick dipped his head and his gaze in a slightly exaggerated nod, his shoulders curling a little shyly as he did so. He relaxed and lifted hiz gaze again before heading off, though.
"Be back soon." He said, and then finally with one more nod, headed off.
It felt a little strange leaving Rav as he walked away--was it really... okay to leave someone on a date like this? But, it needed to be. It had meant so much when Rav had given Nick some time last night, and right now wouldn't be so long as that. Besides... using the bathroom was normal! And this probably wouldn't take much longer than that.
Nick let out a deep sigh as he entered the bathroom, shaking his hands out at his sides a little before stepping up to the sink. He looked at himself in the mirror, curious to take in just what sort of show he'd given Rav. It would've been a little different at its peak, of course, but even now, Nick could see the glistening moisture on his cheeks, the pink puffiness around his eyes. There was also a softness in his brow, a tiredness to his subtle smile. All told... he could imagine looking worse. Mostly, he did hope that washing his face might help some of the pink puffiness. To wit... maybe he was ready now to get to that.
Nick turned on some cool water and wet his hands, though quickly decided to grab a couple paper towels to actually use for this part. He wet them just a little, folding them over on themselves to gently suffuse the paper with the water, and then pressed it across his eyes, taking in and letting out a deep slow breath as he held it there. The cool temperature felt really nice against his puffy skin, and he just enjoyed the sensation for a moment before pulling the paper down over one cheek and then the other in a slow, gentle massage of a motion.
He looked at himself in the mirror again, not much changed yet that was specifically identifiable, but his overall expression looking more serene. He smiled gently at his reflection, continuing to watch himself as he set the paper towels down and rubbed his fingers lightly under his eyes over the sides of his cheeks, down the hinges of his jaw. The motions looked indulgent in a way that threatened to stir self-consciousness in him, but he reminded himself that nobody was watching, and there was nothing more important than this right now.
Perhaps he was about ready to move on, though. He had a specter to dismiss, he supposed. Maybe just washing his face had already done that, but he closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind to check in on the melancholy to see. And honestly, right this moment, it was difficult to find. First he found warmth and gratitude, gleefulness about Rav's hand on his neck and then his cheek, augmented by echoes of other hugs with Rav--in the alley; the park bathroom; Nick's living room. He felt confident that he enjoyed each of those memories with Rav, not through any longing for his ex. He felt fantastically relieved about that, and decided he didn't want to go digging any farther for the melancholy right now. He would revel instead in this confidence that hugging Rav seemed both safe and gratifying, and he would take heart in that.
He found himself touching his cheek where Rav had placed his hand, too, his smile curling wide as a fresh burst of warmth filled his chest, assuring him that that moment of glee had been all about Rav, too. Nick felt a thousand pounds lighter, and with a growing eagerness to return to his date.
He threw away the wet paper towels and grabbed a dry set, gently patting down his face before rubbing off his hands and finally discarding that set as well. He paused at the door to take in another deep breath and let it out, and then bravely stepped back into the coffee shop and began walking back to the table, a lightness in both his step and his expression as he kept an eye out for how Rav looked during his approach.
Rav was the first to pull away, but it was after a nice solid moment had passed, several breaths shared in the mutual embrace that helped relaxation sink into Nick's body. They each pulled away slowly, Nick following Rav's lead and trailing his hands onto the man's upper arms as Rav settled his own hands on Nick's shoulders. Nick looked up at Rav shyly, but with openness, and, much to his delight, Rav brought one of his hands up to Nick's cheek, his thumb hovering close to Nick's ear. Warmth swirled gleefully in Nick's chest, yet more tears gently blurring Nick's vision, but welling from a place of gratitude and relief.
After a moment, Rav pulled back more fully, and nodded with a soft smile toward the bathroom. Nick dipped his head and his gaze in a slightly exaggerated nod, his shoulders curling a little shyly as he did so. He relaxed and lifted hiz gaze again before heading off, though.
"Be back soon." He said, and then finally with one more nod, headed off.
It felt a little strange leaving Rav as he walked away--was it really... okay to leave someone on a date like this? But, it needed to be. It had meant so much when Rav had given Nick some time last night, and right now wouldn't be so long as that. Besides... using the bathroom was normal! And this probably wouldn't take much longer than that.
Nick let out a deep sigh as he entered the bathroom, shaking his hands out at his sides a little before stepping up to the sink. He looked at himself in the mirror, curious to take in just what sort of show he'd given Rav. It would've been a little different at its peak, of course, but even now, Nick could see the glistening moisture on his cheeks, the pink puffiness around his eyes. There was also a softness in his brow, a tiredness to his subtle smile. All told... he could imagine looking worse. Mostly, he did hope that washing his face might help some of the pink puffiness. To wit... maybe he was ready now to get to that.
Nick turned on some cool water and wet his hands, though quickly decided to grab a couple paper towels to actually use for this part. He wet them just a little, folding them over on themselves to gently suffuse the paper with the water, and then pressed it across his eyes, taking in and letting out a deep slow breath as he held it there. The cool temperature felt really nice against his puffy skin, and he just enjoyed the sensation for a moment before pulling the paper down over one cheek and then the other in a slow, gentle massage of a motion.
He looked at himself in the mirror again, not much changed yet that was specifically identifiable, but his overall expression looking more serene. He smiled gently at his reflection, continuing to watch himself as he set the paper towels down and rubbed his fingers lightly under his eyes over the sides of his cheeks, down the hinges of his jaw. The motions looked indulgent in a way that threatened to stir self-consciousness in him, but he reminded himself that nobody was watching, and there was nothing more important than this right now.
Perhaps he was about ready to move on, though. He had a specter to dismiss, he supposed. Maybe just washing his face had already done that, but he closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind to check in on the melancholy to see. And honestly, right this moment, it was difficult to find. First he found warmth and gratitude, gleefulness about Rav's hand on his neck and then his cheek, augmented by echoes of other hugs with Rav--in the alley; the park bathroom; Nick's living room. He felt confident that he enjoyed each of those memories with Rav, not through any longing for his ex. He felt fantastically relieved about that, and decided he didn't want to go digging any farther for the melancholy right now. He would revel instead in this confidence that hugging Rav seemed both safe and gratifying, and he would take heart in that.
He found himself touching his cheek where Rav had placed his hand, too, his smile curling wide as a fresh burst of warmth filled his chest, assuring him that that moment of glee had been all about Rav, too. Nick felt a thousand pounds lighter, and with a growing eagerness to return to his date.
He threw away the wet paper towels and grabbed a dry set, gently patting down his face before rubbing off his hands and finally discarding that set as well. He paused at the door to take in another deep breath and let it out, and then bravely stepped back into the coffee shop and began walking back to the table, a lightness in both his step and his expression as he kept an eye out for how Rav looked during his approach.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Nick lowered his head, his shoulders curling in with a soft smile at first as he started heading in the direction of the bathroom, though he soon straightened.
"Be back soon." Rav nodded and watched Nick go for a moment, but soon he sat back down at their table, taking a large sip of his drink. He was grateful that he had a break from being watched, or at least, directly watched. His posture in the chair relaxed as he leaned one arm over the side, sitting diagonally and crossing his legs to get a stretch.
Absently, he rubbed his thumb, still wet from Nick's tear, across his index finger, enjoying the slow-drying slickness. He finally did look down at his shirt, which was, in fact, spotted and splotched with moisture, at least in the front where his jacket was open. Rav smiled to himself, pleased and triumphant. Remembering how difficult it was for Nick to cry the previous evening, the marks felt like trophies, and Rav was greedy for them.
He wondered if pinning Nick would have felt as satisfying. Maybe, he mused, it was a type of pinning, holding Nick between Rav's attention and the source of the melancholy until tears happened in the squeeze. Gods, Rav was a sociopath.
Except... Rav hadn't brought the topic up or forced the issue. Nick had offered, and Rav had gone along with it. So, Nick had pinned himself. Something about that imagination brought a smirk to Rav's lips.
He didn't know how long Nick would be gone for, but it was going to be difficult to see him coming back without being obvious about it, so Rav started pulling himself back together. With a glance at his thumb and forefinger pressed together, he nodded to himself, looked around to make sure no one was immediately watching, and quickly brought them to his mouth. His tongue only grazed his finger before it was all over, but there was a salt taste on his tongue. Rav closed his eyes, letting the experience sink into him. Waves of pleasure cascaded down his body.
But, all at once, he wondered if that had been inappropriate. Had Rav just... fluid shared with Nick without consent? No... surely not. It had been unidirectional, for one thing, and Nick hadn't been upset when Rav wiped at his tear. Then again, he probably didn't imagine that Rav was going to put it in his mouth afterward. But, even still, Rav was the one taking on whatever possible exposures lay in Nick's fluids, and that risk was one Rav was well acquainted with. Obviously, he would never have done anything like that at work, but on a date? That was his prerogative.
Still, the sensation like he had something to confess lingered in his chest and stomach like buoyant balloons, causing discomfort. Rav shifted in his chair.
Trying to quiet his stomach, he took a big bite of his croissant, finally getting to some of the chocolate. Chewing and savoring new flavors did seem to calm him, and before long, the sensations in his stomach and chest had all but disappeared. Tasting Nick's tear was just another type of eating or drinking, and Rav could decide what he put in his own body, obviously.
Rav felt, rather than saw, Nick return, the hairs on the back of his neck rising as he tried to calm his nerves. Once Nick was near enough to see without turning around, Rav nodded, wondering for a moment if he should stand to greet Nick. No, this wasn't a Victorian romance novel. His face felt warm as Nick settled back in front of him.
Taking Nick in for a moment, he did look lighter, more at ease, the tears wiped away. There was still a little puffiness and redness in his eyes, but otherwise, Nick looked good as new. Maybe he had managed to banish the specter after all.
Rav had the urge to ask how it had gone, but he worried that would just invite it right back, so he tried to think of how to change the subject.
"How's the mocha?" Rav asked.
"Be back soon." Rav nodded and watched Nick go for a moment, but soon he sat back down at their table, taking a large sip of his drink. He was grateful that he had a break from being watched, or at least, directly watched. His posture in the chair relaxed as he leaned one arm over the side, sitting diagonally and crossing his legs to get a stretch.
Absently, he rubbed his thumb, still wet from Nick's tear, across his index finger, enjoying the slow-drying slickness. He finally did look down at his shirt, which was, in fact, spotted and splotched with moisture, at least in the front where his jacket was open. Rav smiled to himself, pleased and triumphant. Remembering how difficult it was for Nick to cry the previous evening, the marks felt like trophies, and Rav was greedy for them.
He wondered if pinning Nick would have felt as satisfying. Maybe, he mused, it was a type of pinning, holding Nick between Rav's attention and the source of the melancholy until tears happened in the squeeze. Gods, Rav was a sociopath.
Except... Rav hadn't brought the topic up or forced the issue. Nick had offered, and Rav had gone along with it. So, Nick had pinned himself. Something about that imagination brought a smirk to Rav's lips.
He didn't know how long Nick would be gone for, but it was going to be difficult to see him coming back without being obvious about it, so Rav started pulling himself back together. With a glance at his thumb and forefinger pressed together, he nodded to himself, looked around to make sure no one was immediately watching, and quickly brought them to his mouth. His tongue only grazed his finger before it was all over, but there was a salt taste on his tongue. Rav closed his eyes, letting the experience sink into him. Waves of pleasure cascaded down his body.
But, all at once, he wondered if that had been inappropriate. Had Rav just... fluid shared with Nick without consent? No... surely not. It had been unidirectional, for one thing, and Nick hadn't been upset when Rav wiped at his tear. Then again, he probably didn't imagine that Rav was going to put it in his mouth afterward. But, even still, Rav was the one taking on whatever possible exposures lay in Nick's fluids, and that risk was one Rav was well acquainted with. Obviously, he would never have done anything like that at work, but on a date? That was his prerogative.
Still, the sensation like he had something to confess lingered in his chest and stomach like buoyant balloons, causing discomfort. Rav shifted in his chair.
Trying to quiet his stomach, he took a big bite of his croissant, finally getting to some of the chocolate. Chewing and savoring new flavors did seem to calm him, and before long, the sensations in his stomach and chest had all but disappeared. Tasting Nick's tear was just another type of eating or drinking, and Rav could decide what he put in his own body, obviously.
Rav felt, rather than saw, Nick return, the hairs on the back of his neck rising as he tried to calm his nerves. Once Nick was near enough to see without turning around, Rav nodded, wondering for a moment if he should stand to greet Nick. No, this wasn't a Victorian romance novel. His face felt warm as Nick settled back in front of him.
Taking Nick in for a moment, he did look lighter, more at ease, the tears wiped away. There was still a little puffiness and redness in his eyes, but otherwise, Nick looked good as new. Maybe he had managed to banish the specter after all.
Rav had the urge to ask how it had gone, but he worried that would just invite it right back, so he tried to think of how to change the subject.
"How's the mocha?" Rav asked.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Nick hesitated just briefly once he was next to Rav, meeting the man's gaze and sharing a nod. Specifically, he felt a tug toward another hug, but Rav was remaining seated, and the tug wasn't quite strong enough to make a specific bid. So, Nick continued on over to his seat and setlled in, happily returning his hands to his mug and then taking in the sight of Rav, trying to estimate where he seemed to be at after their brief time apart.
He seemed maybe a little nervous, if Nick had to guess. And, wasn't that pretty reasonable, all told? Nick felt his own sort of mirror nervousness begin to stir in his gut, but he tried to settle it with a slow breath, stilling any urge to try to provide some kind of preemptive reassurance.
Then, Rav asked, "How's the mocha?"
Nick's eyebrows raised, his throat tightening around the impulse to immediately reply with, 'Good!' He had taken a sip earlier, and he did remember that sip being delicious, but in truth, he felt he'd barely actually tasted it yet, and there was a strange sense of sheepishness that bloomed about that. But, rather than get stuck into that, Nick just decided to take this opportunity to spend a moment with the mocha. So, to that end, he closed his eyes and brought it to his lips, savoring the warm, sweet liquid that he welcomed onto his tongue.
It was past the perfect tempterature by this point, having continued cooling off while he was in the bathroom, but that was fine; that precipice of just cool enough to drink was always short-lived, and followed by a nice span of time where it was perfectly comfortable to drink. And, at this temperature, he didn't have to have any caution about rolling the taste of his tongue, and the interplay of bitter sweetness really shone.
"Realllyyyyy yummy." Nick said after he finished swallowing and savoring, his eyes lingering closed for a moment still before slowly opening, heavy with contentment. "Hard to go wrong with chocolate and coffee." He smiled to Rav for a moment, and then nodded gently toward Rav's drink and croissant.
"How's yours?"
Not waiting for Rav to answer, Nick began reaching for his cinnamon roll, eager to get that situated and ready to try, though he would wait for Rav's reply before actually digging in.
He seemed maybe a little nervous, if Nick had to guess. And, wasn't that pretty reasonable, all told? Nick felt his own sort of mirror nervousness begin to stir in his gut, but he tried to settle it with a slow breath, stilling any urge to try to provide some kind of preemptive reassurance.
Then, Rav asked, "How's the mocha?"
Nick's eyebrows raised, his throat tightening around the impulse to immediately reply with, 'Good!' He had taken a sip earlier, and he did remember that sip being delicious, but in truth, he felt he'd barely actually tasted it yet, and there was a strange sense of sheepishness that bloomed about that. But, rather than get stuck into that, Nick just decided to take this opportunity to spend a moment with the mocha. So, to that end, he closed his eyes and brought it to his lips, savoring the warm, sweet liquid that he welcomed onto his tongue.
It was past the perfect tempterature by this point, having continued cooling off while he was in the bathroom, but that was fine; that precipice of just cool enough to drink was always short-lived, and followed by a nice span of time where it was perfectly comfortable to drink. And, at this temperature, he didn't have to have any caution about rolling the taste of his tongue, and the interplay of bitter sweetness really shone.
"Realllyyyyy yummy." Nick said after he finished swallowing and savoring, his eyes lingering closed for a moment still before slowly opening, heavy with contentment. "Hard to go wrong with chocolate and coffee." He smiled to Rav for a moment, and then nodded gently toward Rav's drink and croissant.
"How's yours?"
Not waiting for Rav to answer, Nick began reaching for his cinnamon roll, eager to get that situated and ready to try, though he would wait for Rav's reply before actually digging in.