Nick looked surprised, and Rav felt it was enough to clear the air of what had come before. Instead of responding immediately, Nick brought the mocha to his lips again, closing his eyes to savor and consider the experience. Really, Rav wondered if they should have paused to do that in the first place rather than continuing on with their conversation, but what was done was done now. Rav felt called to re-experience his own drink, but he opted for relishing watching Nick with his, savoring the small movements of softening in Nick's face when he allowed himself to stop thinking about how Rav was watching him.
"Realllyyyyy yummy," Nick said before he even opened his eyes, eliciting a shiver down Rav's spine. "Hard to go wrong with chocolate and coffee." Nick had opened his eyes by then, smiling and nodding to Rav's drink.
"How's yours?"
As Nick assessed his cinnamon roll, Rav allowed his attention to shift back toward the treats in front of him, considering. Would he be too much of a copycat if he replicated Nick's moment of relish? Maybe he could offer Nick a bite of his croissant instead.
Then again, how many opportunities did Nick have to watch Rav freely?
Too self-conscious to intentionally put on a show of chewing in front of Nick, Rav picked up his glass and brought it to his lips slowly, looking at Nick pointedly until Nick caught his gaze. Then, he closed his eyes as the liquid reached his mouth. Savoring the coolness against the warmth of his tongue, Rav rolled the caramel around, appreciating the slight sticky texture as it lingered from place to place, hardened slightly by the chill.
Finally, Rav set his glass back down and opened his eyes, assessing how closely Nick had been watching.
"Incredibly indulgent. I'm glad I treated myself to something different. Thank you, by the way."
Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Nick got his cinnamon roll situated and staged, saliva pooling beneath his tongue in anticipation. He lifted his gaze as Rav lifted his glass to his lips, and the look in Rav's eyes sent a thrill sparking down the base of Nick's spine. He sat up a little straighter, his smile widening as he watched Rav close his eyes and take a sip of his drink.
Nick wasn't sure he had ever really watched someone savor a drink before. It was subtle, but interesting to take in the small shifts in Rav's jaw as he moved the liquid in his mouth and swallowed. Nick sympathetically swallowed his extra saliva, a small warmth of self-consciousness seeping into his cheeks as Rav set his glass down and opened his eyes again, Nick openly staring.
"Incredibly indulgent," Rav said. "I'm glad I treated myself to something different. Thank you, by the way."
For a split second, Nick was slightly confused about why he was being thanked, but then another warmth hit him as he remembered that he had paid this morning. The warmth settled nicely in his chest, though, and reflected in a softening of his wide smile as he gave a nod.
"You're so welcome!" He said happily. He searched for a moment for something to say next--looking forward to shopping together maybe, or just expressing joy about their interactions so far that morning? Gratitude for Rav's patience? But nothing felt quite right, and another growing pool of saliva under his tongue pulled Nick's attention down to his cinnamon roll. Yes, perhaps that's what was next, then.
"Here's to indulging today," Nick said, his smile a little shy now as he made a small toasting gesture toward Rav before taking a bite of his cinnamon roll, eyes sliding shut as he savored the experience.
Nick wasn't sure he had ever really watched someone savor a drink before. It was subtle, but interesting to take in the small shifts in Rav's jaw as he moved the liquid in his mouth and swallowed. Nick sympathetically swallowed his extra saliva, a small warmth of self-consciousness seeping into his cheeks as Rav set his glass down and opened his eyes again, Nick openly staring.
"Incredibly indulgent," Rav said. "I'm glad I treated myself to something different. Thank you, by the way."
For a split second, Nick was slightly confused about why he was being thanked, but then another warmth hit him as he remembered that he had paid this morning. The warmth settled nicely in his chest, though, and reflected in a softening of his wide smile as he gave a nod.
"You're so welcome!" He said happily. He searched for a moment for something to say next--looking forward to shopping together maybe, or just expressing joy about their interactions so far that morning? Gratitude for Rav's patience? But nothing felt quite right, and another growing pool of saliva under his tongue pulled Nick's attention down to his cinnamon roll. Yes, perhaps that's what was next, then.
"Here's to indulging today," Nick said, his smile a little shy now as he made a small toasting gesture toward Rav before taking a bite of his cinnamon roll, eyes sliding shut as he savored the experience.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Nick looked taken aback, and Rav pulled his eyebrows up in confusion. Then, something seemed to click into place, and a soft smile spread across Nick's face.
"You're so welcome!" he said, the phrase coming quickly, so much more quickly that almost anything else Nick had said. Rav thought it had an anxious quality to it.
Go slow. Check in. Make sure it feels fair, Rav repeated like a mantra in his mind.
Nick looked down at his cinnamon roll as though freshly seeing it for the first time, pinching a bit of it off and holding it up.
"Here's to indulging today," Nick said, his smile returned to shy. Rav swallowed, his eyes suddenly watering. He was incredibly grateful that Nick closed his eyes, although Rav had no interest in watching Nick this time. He felt sick to his stomach, his insides squirming. Why?
He blinked back the tears, searching down at his lap as though the answer was there waiting.
Here's to indulging today.
Rav was so deeply in the habit of denying himself, of making sure he never enjoyed himself too much lest he lose sight of the other person entirely. A toast, even with just a bit of cinnamon roll, to letting that guard down felt far too cavalier. But, surely Nick wasn't talking about giving up their agreements. They would still need to do all their check-ins before anything happened, and really, what were they going to get up to at the thrift store?
You would have done more in a park bathroom--how is a dressing room less likely? Rav chastised himself.
He wanted to vomit, and he knew the moment when Nick would realize he wasn't okay was fast approaching.
Maybe he could qualify the statement somehow, pull it back into territory where Rav actually felt he could agree. He pinched off a piece of his croissant and said, shakily, out of breath, "Here's to savoring what's genuinely offered." And nothing more, Rav added in his mind before he placed the piece of croissant in his mouth and urged himself to swallow.
It seemed they had more than one specter at the table, but Rav wasn't sure he could as easily banish this one.
"You're so welcome!" he said, the phrase coming quickly, so much more quickly that almost anything else Nick had said. Rav thought it had an anxious quality to it.
Go slow. Check in. Make sure it feels fair, Rav repeated like a mantra in his mind.
Nick looked down at his cinnamon roll as though freshly seeing it for the first time, pinching a bit of it off and holding it up.
"Here's to indulging today," Nick said, his smile returned to shy. Rav swallowed, his eyes suddenly watering. He was incredibly grateful that Nick closed his eyes, although Rav had no interest in watching Nick this time. He felt sick to his stomach, his insides squirming. Why?
He blinked back the tears, searching down at his lap as though the answer was there waiting.
Here's to indulging today.
Rav was so deeply in the habit of denying himself, of making sure he never enjoyed himself too much lest he lose sight of the other person entirely. A toast, even with just a bit of cinnamon roll, to letting that guard down felt far too cavalier. But, surely Nick wasn't talking about giving up their agreements. They would still need to do all their check-ins before anything happened, and really, what were they going to get up to at the thrift store?
You would have done more in a park bathroom--how is a dressing room less likely? Rav chastised himself.
He wanted to vomit, and he knew the moment when Nick would realize he wasn't okay was fast approaching.
Maybe he could qualify the statement somehow, pull it back into territory where Rav actually felt he could agree. He pinched off a piece of his croissant and said, shakily, out of breath, "Here's to savoring what's genuinely offered." And nothing more, Rav added in his mind before he placed the piece of croissant in his mouth and urged himself to swallow.
It seemed they had more than one specter at the table, but Rav wasn't sure he could as easily banish this one.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Nick enjoyed the juxtaposition of the fluffy bread of the cinnamon roll with the creamy frosting as he gently chewed and savored the bite, the cinnamon finding its way into his palete subtly. It wasn't the most amazing cinnamon roll ever, by any means, but it was perfectly tasty for this morning's purpose. Still, it didn't hold his attention long as the bread's fluffiness gave way to some dryness that soaked up his extra saliva, raising his interest in having the cinnamon roll and mocha side by side, intermingling the experiences.
As he started to widen his attention, though, he dropped the thought of his mocha and zeroed in on Rav, clocking that something was off but not sure what it was. Rav pinched off a piece of his croissant and made his own toast, his voice shaky and thin. "Here's to savoring what's genuinely offered."
When Rav ate his bite of croissant, it seemed like just a motion he went through, not indulgent at all. A panic was starting to rise in Nick's stomach, sadness drawing his brows together as he studied Rav, yearning terribly for an answer to just what had gone wrong during his little bite of cinnamon roll.
He couldn't quite make heads or tails of the man's expression, though, and his throat tightened around all the impulses that arose to speak. Allowing himself to follow an impulse, Nick reached his hand out to the middle of the table, his pinky resting on the table's surface and his fingers reaching gently, his palm ready to tilt this way or the other depending on how--if--Rav's hand made its own approach. The good news was the gesture itself relieved something in Nick--not everything, certainly, but enough that his eyebrows relaxed, lifting with patient openness and curiosity.
As he started to widen his attention, though, he dropped the thought of his mocha and zeroed in on Rav, clocking that something was off but not sure what it was. Rav pinched off a piece of his croissant and made his own toast, his voice shaky and thin. "Here's to savoring what's genuinely offered."
When Rav ate his bite of croissant, it seemed like just a motion he went through, not indulgent at all. A panic was starting to rise in Nick's stomach, sadness drawing his brows together as he studied Rav, yearning terribly for an answer to just what had gone wrong during his little bite of cinnamon roll.
He couldn't quite make heads or tails of the man's expression, though, and his throat tightened around all the impulses that arose to speak. Allowing himself to follow an impulse, Nick reached his hand out to the middle of the table, his pinky resting on the table's surface and his fingers reaching gently, his palm ready to tilt this way or the other depending on how--if--Rav's hand made its own approach. The good news was the gesture itself relieved something in Nick--not everything, certainly, but enough that his eyebrows relaxed, lifting with patient openness and curiosity.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Rav had managed to blink away the excess water in his eyes and steel his expression by the time he finished chewing, finally willing to look up at Nick to see what-all he had recognized. Nick's face looked pained, tightened, and a pit sank deeper into Rav's stomach. He was making a mess of all this. His shoulders slumped, and he looked down at the table, wondering if he should just go.
But then, Nick's hand slid, pinky down, across the table into Rav's vision, and Rav looked up at his face, assessing. His expression had gotten softer, and maybe what Rav had offered as a toast had given enough information to let Nick in on what was happening.
Here was an offer. Was it genuine?
Rav thought of the times they had held hands yesterday and how that had felt easy, peaceful, comfortable. It was one of the few things Rav had felt sure about during their time together.
Nick wasn't rushing to grab Rav's hand--he was going slow, and his eyebrows were lifted, patient, curious. Rav thought that, if he rejected the gesture, Nick would be sad and confused, but he would be understanding.
But then there was the fact that they were in public. Somehow, holding hands in a coffee shop was more nerve-wracking than holding hands on their walk. This was a place Rav came often. Maybe the other regulars didn't exactly recognize him or know him by name, but they might if he gave them reason.
Then again, he didn't want to live his whole life in the shadow of what other people might think of him. He just wanted to... live.
The brave thing and the thing Rav wanted to do were one and the same. So, with a deep inhale and a sheepish half-smile of his own, Rav gently slid his own hand through his treats on the table, hesitated for the briefest of moments, and then made contact, palm-to-palm with Nick's hand. Several weights uncurled from his stomach, and he wanted to cry out of gratitude this time. He couldn't quite blink enough before tears were falling down his cheeks.
It was pathetic, really, that the simple offer of a hand felt like drinking water while dying from thirst. He wanted to get out of that state, but in the meantime, this was meaningful. Nick had no obligation to help Rav through this, but here he was all the same.
But then, Nick's hand slid, pinky down, across the table into Rav's vision, and Rav looked up at his face, assessing. His expression had gotten softer, and maybe what Rav had offered as a toast had given enough information to let Nick in on what was happening.
Here was an offer. Was it genuine?
Rav thought of the times they had held hands yesterday and how that had felt easy, peaceful, comfortable. It was one of the few things Rav had felt sure about during their time together.
Nick wasn't rushing to grab Rav's hand--he was going slow, and his eyebrows were lifted, patient, curious. Rav thought that, if he rejected the gesture, Nick would be sad and confused, but he would be understanding.
But then there was the fact that they were in public. Somehow, holding hands in a coffee shop was more nerve-wracking than holding hands on their walk. This was a place Rav came often. Maybe the other regulars didn't exactly recognize him or know him by name, but they might if he gave them reason.
Then again, he didn't want to live his whole life in the shadow of what other people might think of him. He just wanted to... live.
The brave thing and the thing Rav wanted to do were one and the same. So, with a deep inhale and a sheepish half-smile of his own, Rav gently slid his own hand through his treats on the table, hesitated for the briefest of moments, and then made contact, palm-to-palm with Nick's hand. Several weights uncurled from his stomach, and he wanted to cry out of gratitude this time. He couldn't quite blink enough before tears were falling down his cheeks.
It was pathetic, really, that the simple offer of a hand felt like drinking water while dying from thirst. He wanted to get out of that state, but in the meantime, this was meaningful. Nick had no obligation to help Rav through this, but here he was all the same.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Rav's eyes had fallen to the table, but he lifted his gaze back to Nick after Nick reached out. His expression seemed contemplative, if Nick had to say, but he still felt like there was so much under the surface that he couldn't read. What was Rav contemplating? What specter of his loomed here now? Probably, it was the same one that had shown up when Nick had grazed over Rav a little too intimately in class, the one Rav had told him about on their first coffee date, the one that had danced with Nick's own specter throughout their ups and downs the night prior. What had summoned it here now?
Rav took in a deep inhale, a small sheepish smile slipping into his expression and sending a joyous relief splashing though Nick's chest and stomach. Nick's eyes watered a little, his own smile widening just slightly, trying not to get too excited. Rav's hand did approach, sliding across the table toward Nick's, and Nick's gaze lowered to watch the motion in rapt anticipation. There was the briefest of hesitations in the gesture, stoking a cascade of tingles that danced from Nick's palm into the back of his hand and up his wrist and forearm, a flush of warmth following the sensation as Rav's hand at last made contact.
Nick was soft and still for a moment, simply soaking in the contact with gratitude and paying attention to how Rav's had felt against his own. He thought maybe there was gratitude in Rav's hand, too. Tears started to wet Nick's cheeks again as he bravely pressed his palm a little more firmly against Rav's, thumb and fingers slowly and tentatively curling around Rav's hand to offer something of a hug. He shyly returned his eyes to Rav's face, admittedly embarrassed to be crying again--at least until he saw that Rav was crying, too. Nick's smile widened warmly, and he gave Rav's hand a gentle squeeze.
Rav took in a deep inhale, a small sheepish smile slipping into his expression and sending a joyous relief splashing though Nick's chest and stomach. Nick's eyes watered a little, his own smile widening just slightly, trying not to get too excited. Rav's hand did approach, sliding across the table toward Nick's, and Nick's gaze lowered to watch the motion in rapt anticipation. There was the briefest of hesitations in the gesture, stoking a cascade of tingles that danced from Nick's palm into the back of his hand and up his wrist and forearm, a flush of warmth following the sensation as Rav's hand at last made contact.
Nick was soft and still for a moment, simply soaking in the contact with gratitude and paying attention to how Rav's had felt against his own. He thought maybe there was gratitude in Rav's hand, too. Tears started to wet Nick's cheeks again as he bravely pressed his palm a little more firmly against Rav's, thumb and fingers slowly and tentatively curling around Rav's hand to offer something of a hug. He shyly returned his eyes to Rav's face, admittedly embarrassed to be crying again--at least until he saw that Rav was crying, too. Nick's smile widened warmly, and he gave Rav's hand a gentle squeeze.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Somehow, Rav was surprised that Nick did not pull his hand away immediately, assuming Rav had misunderstood the gesture. But, on the contrary, Nick's hand stayed where it was.
There was warmth in the offer, and Rav felt another wave of relaxation in his body. Nick's hand didn't remain stationary, however. His fingers curled around Rav's, amplifying the warmth and comfort. All at once, Rav didn't want to be out in public at a coffee shop. He wanted to be in a bed with Nick, laying side by side, marveling at their two hands and needing nothing else in the world.
Quite the fantasy.
But he could enjoy this moment and the gentle squeeze Nick gave Rav's hand when their eyes met.
Nick was smiling, welcoming, like Rav had joined the same club, and maybe he had--the "crying in public" club. And here Rav thought he had given up on his activism.
With his other hand, Rav picked up his glass and took another sip of his macchiato, not wanting to move his hand away from Nick's but not wanting to get stuck there either.
"So, what do you think you'll be looking for at the thrift store?" Rav asked, an eyebrow raising above his glass before he put it down.
There was warmth in the offer, and Rav felt another wave of relaxation in his body. Nick's hand didn't remain stationary, however. His fingers curled around Rav's, amplifying the warmth and comfort. All at once, Rav didn't want to be out in public at a coffee shop. He wanted to be in a bed with Nick, laying side by side, marveling at their two hands and needing nothing else in the world.
Quite the fantasy.
But he could enjoy this moment and the gentle squeeze Nick gave Rav's hand when their eyes met.
Nick was smiling, welcoming, like Rav had joined the same club, and maybe he had--the "crying in public" club. And here Rav thought he had given up on his activism.
With his other hand, Rav picked up his glass and took another sip of his macchiato, not wanting to move his hand away from Nick's but not wanting to get stuck there either.
"So, what do you think you'll be looking for at the thrift store?" Rav asked, an eyebrow raising above his glass before he put it down.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Almost nonchalantly, as though there weren't tears wetting both of their cheeks, Rav picked up his drink with his free hand and took a sip, the hand in Nick's remaining warmly in their over-the-table embrace.
"So, what do you think you'll be looking for at the thrift store?" Rav asked, an eyebrow raising above his glass before he put it down.
Nick shrugged and let his gaze drift toward the plant, his fingertips subtly caressing where they pressed into Rav's skin as he contemplated.
"Always love comfy shirts," he said after a moment. "Maybe a cool bracelet or necklace, if the right one jumps out." There was more he could list off--a jacket or a hat, maybe pants if he felt up to it, cool mugs perhaps--but he was losing interest in his own list, and allowed a moment of silence to stand where a past version of himself might had prattled the words off anyway, under some strange impulse to answer the question completely.
With another shrug, Nick brought his gaze back to Rav, his free hand starting to reach toward his own drink, though he didn't yet lift it from the table.
"No specific agenda, really. I just like looking around at stuff."
"So, what do you think you'll be looking for at the thrift store?" Rav asked, an eyebrow raising above his glass before he put it down.
Nick shrugged and let his gaze drift toward the plant, his fingertips subtly caressing where they pressed into Rav's skin as he contemplated.
"Always love comfy shirts," he said after a moment. "Maybe a cool bracelet or necklace, if the right one jumps out." There was more he could list off--a jacket or a hat, maybe pants if he felt up to it, cool mugs perhaps--but he was losing interest in his own list, and allowed a moment of silence to stand where a past version of himself might had prattled the words off anyway, under some strange impulse to answer the question completely.
With another shrug, Nick brought his gaze back to Rav, his free hand starting to reach toward his own drink, though he didn't yet lift it from the table.
"No specific agenda, really. I just like looking around at stuff."
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Rav was grateful when Nick didn't try to bring the subject back to the matter quite literally at hand as he turned toward the plant and shrugged. Taking advantage of Nick's brief lapse in attention, Rav wiped his eyes with the back of his free hand, blinking the last of the tears away and taking a deep breath. Nick's fingertips pressed against Rav's hand in light alternating patterns, but Nick did not otherwise acknowledge the tears.
"Always love comfy shirts," Nick said, "Maybe a cool bracelet or necklace, if the right one jumps out."
Rav nodded, though Nick only returned his attention to Rav afterward, his shoulders shrugging once more.
"No specific agenda, really. I just like looking around at stuff." Rav nodded again, just as much to himself as to Nick, searching the table for something else to say. He supposed he could just let a silence stand--no one was expected to talk all the time--but he'd started a thread of conversation. Was there anywhere he wanted to go with it or had it genuinely only been a distraction from his emotionality? Did he owe Nick an explanation or should he carry on, grateful that Nick wasn't bringing it up?
Does it feel fair?
The question jumped into Rav's mind uninvited, and he sighed, realizing that, if Nick was going to be brave enough to banish a specter, maybe Rav shouldn't try to hide his.
Carefully, Rav brought his other hand to embrace the other side of Nick's hand, holding it as sweetly and as comfortably as he could manage between his two hands.
Looking up to meet Nick's gaze, he said, "I intend absolutely to stand by our agreements to take things slow, to check in, and to assess if what we are doing feels fair..." Rav's eyes did not leave Nick's for even one moment, "...and I don't need the shadow of my past to motivate that. I want to set it down today, or try to. Leave it at home. I think..." Rav's gaze faltered briefly as he looked at the edge of the table to his right. "...I've earned one weightless day." He then blinked over to Nick, assessing how that had landed. Rav blushed a little, realizing he was jumping conversational topics wildly, but it needed to be said.
With a glance to their clasped hands, Rav added, "Tank tops. Undershirts. Things I could wear to contact improv. The essentials, you know, for me," one corner of his mouth quirked up in a smile.
"Always love comfy shirts," Nick said, "Maybe a cool bracelet or necklace, if the right one jumps out."
Rav nodded, though Nick only returned his attention to Rav afterward, his shoulders shrugging once more.
"No specific agenda, really. I just like looking around at stuff." Rav nodded again, just as much to himself as to Nick, searching the table for something else to say. He supposed he could just let a silence stand--no one was expected to talk all the time--but he'd started a thread of conversation. Was there anywhere he wanted to go with it or had it genuinely only been a distraction from his emotionality? Did he owe Nick an explanation or should he carry on, grateful that Nick wasn't bringing it up?
Does it feel fair?
The question jumped into Rav's mind uninvited, and he sighed, realizing that, if Nick was going to be brave enough to banish a specter, maybe Rav shouldn't try to hide his.
Carefully, Rav brought his other hand to embrace the other side of Nick's hand, holding it as sweetly and as comfortably as he could manage between his two hands.
Looking up to meet Nick's gaze, he said, "I intend absolutely to stand by our agreements to take things slow, to check in, and to assess if what we are doing feels fair..." Rav's eyes did not leave Nick's for even one moment, "...and I don't need the shadow of my past to motivate that. I want to set it down today, or try to. Leave it at home. I think..." Rav's gaze faltered briefly as he looked at the edge of the table to his right. "...I've earned one weightless day." He then blinked over to Nick, assessing how that had landed. Rav blushed a little, realizing he was jumping conversational topics wildly, but it needed to be said.
With a glance to their clasped hands, Rav added, "Tank tops. Undershirts. Things I could wear to contact improv. The essentials, you know, for me," one corner of his mouth quirked up in a smile.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Rav nodded, but looked down to the table in thought, and Nick decided it was time to indulge in another sip of his mocha. There was something oddly thrilling about taking a drink with one hand while holding someone else's hand with the other. He let his eyes fall shut as he rolled the liquid over his tongue, his fingers continuing to gently press against Rav's hand.
Rav's other hand came to press over Nick's, and Nick opened his eyes as he lackadaisically swallowed his drink, curious how the gesture might indicate that Rav was shifting. The touch felt sweet and gentle, sending a little flutter of warmth through Nick's chest as he and Rav met eyes.
"I intend absolutely," Rav said, "to stand by our agreements to take things slow, to check in, and to assess if what we are doing feels fair... and I don't need the shadow of my past to motivate that. I want to set it down today, or try to. Leave it at home. I think..." Rav's gaze faltered briefly as he looked at the edge of the table to his right. "...I've earned one weightless day."
Rav blinked back to Nick, and Nick nodded, his brows raised and his smile wide. That, he felt, was exactly what he wanted.
Rav looked down to their hands, then, and added, "Tank tops. Undershirts. Things I could wear to contact improv. The essentials, you know, for me," one corner of his mouth quirked up in a smile.
Nick brought his other hand to rest over Rav's, imagining sending some of the warmth he felt in his chest back into their layered entwinement of fingers. Words tried to bubble up in his throat--Here's to a weightless day, then, maybe--but he decided to just sink his attention into their hands instead, feeling all the different points of contact and subtly shifting pressures as Nick's fingers continued their soft alternating grasping and relaxing rhythms.
His mind did start to wander again after a moment, though--maybe in part self-conscious about where they were, maybe in part and eagerness for other things. The thought crossed his mind, briefly, that maybe he was ready to go shopping, but then he thought fondly of his treats here on the table with him, and with that he gave Rav's hands one more gentle squeeze before slowly pulling away, offering the man a crooked smile as he peeled off a next pinch of cinnamon roll. He placed the bite in his mouth and let his eyes fall shut as he chewed lightly for a moment. Then, while the cinnamon and bread and frosting on his tongue was still fresh, he opened his eyes just enough to reach for his mocha and bring it to his lips, closing his eyes once more as he took a sip and enjoyed the intermingling of the warm chocolate and the cinnamon roll tastes and textures as he finished chewing.
Rav's other hand came to press over Nick's, and Nick opened his eyes as he lackadaisically swallowed his drink, curious how the gesture might indicate that Rav was shifting. The touch felt sweet and gentle, sending a little flutter of warmth through Nick's chest as he and Rav met eyes.
"I intend absolutely," Rav said, "to stand by our agreements to take things slow, to check in, and to assess if what we are doing feels fair... and I don't need the shadow of my past to motivate that. I want to set it down today, or try to. Leave it at home. I think..." Rav's gaze faltered briefly as he looked at the edge of the table to his right. "...I've earned one weightless day."
Rav blinked back to Nick, and Nick nodded, his brows raised and his smile wide. That, he felt, was exactly what he wanted.
Rav looked down to their hands, then, and added, "Tank tops. Undershirts. Things I could wear to contact improv. The essentials, you know, for me," one corner of his mouth quirked up in a smile.
Nick brought his other hand to rest over Rav's, imagining sending some of the warmth he felt in his chest back into their layered entwinement of fingers. Words tried to bubble up in his throat--Here's to a weightless day, then, maybe--but he decided to just sink his attention into their hands instead, feeling all the different points of contact and subtly shifting pressures as Nick's fingers continued their soft alternating grasping and relaxing rhythms.
His mind did start to wander again after a moment, though--maybe in part self-conscious about where they were, maybe in part and eagerness for other things. The thought crossed his mind, briefly, that maybe he was ready to go shopping, but then he thought fondly of his treats here on the table with him, and with that he gave Rav's hands one more gentle squeeze before slowly pulling away, offering the man a crooked smile as he peeled off a next pinch of cinnamon roll. He placed the bite in his mouth and let his eyes fall shut as he chewed lightly for a moment. Then, while the cinnamon and bread and frosting on his tongue was still fresh, he opened his eyes just enough to reach for his mocha and bring it to his lips, closing his eyes once more as he took a sip and enjoyed the intermingling of the warm chocolate and the cinnamon roll tastes and textures as he finished chewing.