When Rav braved a glance at Nick, his eyes were shut tight now as he took a long inhale. He kept breathing as Rav watched; although, after a while, Rav turned his head to give Nick some privacy. Staring at the hardwood flooring, Rav focused on settling his stomach. All he had to do was give Nick time. They could get through this. They had made it past worse.
Seeing movement in his periphery, Rav returned his attention to find Nick looking at him with a relaxed, cautious raise of his brows.
"Do you... want to ask me any questions?"
Rav quirked half a smile for reasons he couldn't quite understand--maybe just relief. Nick wasn't shutting down or apologizing; he was being curious.
Nodding, Rav looked down at the table, trying to sort through the myriad questions he could ask Nick. Finally, he lifted his head and asked, "Is there anything more I could have done in that moment? I..." Rav flushed, the words catching in his throat, "...tried to protect both of us, but maybe I..." Rav shook his head but looked up at Nick, lifting hopeful brows.
Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Relief and excitement fluttered through Nick when Rav quirked half a smile. Maybe they were already righting from the bump they'd just hit--maybe this was genuinely getting easier as they went.
Rav nodded and looked down at the table, and Nick waited with some nervousness, but mostly happy anticipation. His own eyes looked at his mocha, and he finally took another sip to occupy himself with its sweet warmth during the silence.
"Is there anything more I could have done in that moment? I..." Nick bashfully kept his mocha in front of him for a beat longer than he would have if Rav hadn't spoken, his eyes opening to meet Rav's. The man's face flushed as he continued a little haltingly, "...tried to protect both of us, but maybe I..." Rav shook his head, his eyes hopeful.
Nick instinctively shook his head as he lowered his mocha, urgency rising in his throat again. He wanted to reassure Rav, to make sure that he wasn't making Rav feel guilty. But he breathed a beat before he spoke, releasing his attachment to how Rav felt with it, at least a little bit.
"I'm not sure." He said honestly, his shoulders lifting in a subtle shrug. "But I'm not really hung up about anything you did or didn't do. I was scared and confused when you left suddenly, but I'm honestly really proud of myself for following you, and I'm really, really happy how that turned out. What I'm hung up on is more, like..." he trailed off briefly, shifting a bit in his chair and letting his eyes wander to the side in thought, his smile growing crooked. "I think I lost track of where we were a little bit, when we were still dancing."
Rav nodded and looked down at the table, and Nick waited with some nervousness, but mostly happy anticipation. His own eyes looked at his mocha, and he finally took another sip to occupy himself with its sweet warmth during the silence.
"Is there anything more I could have done in that moment? I..." Nick bashfully kept his mocha in front of him for a beat longer than he would have if Rav hadn't spoken, his eyes opening to meet Rav's. The man's face flushed as he continued a little haltingly, "...tried to protect both of us, but maybe I..." Rav shook his head, his eyes hopeful.
Nick instinctively shook his head as he lowered his mocha, urgency rising in his throat again. He wanted to reassure Rav, to make sure that he wasn't making Rav feel guilty. But he breathed a beat before he spoke, releasing his attachment to how Rav felt with it, at least a little bit.
"I'm not sure." He said honestly, his shoulders lifting in a subtle shrug. "But I'm not really hung up about anything you did or didn't do. I was scared and confused when you left suddenly, but I'm honestly really proud of myself for following you, and I'm really, really happy how that turned out. What I'm hung up on is more, like..." he trailed off briefly, shifting a bit in his chair and letting his eyes wander to the side in thought, his smile growing crooked. "I think I lost track of where we were a little bit, when we were still dancing."
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Rav watched carefully as Nick shook his head, but the heaviness in his breath did little to assuage Rav's discomfort.
"I'm not sure," Nick said after a deep breath, and the pit that had been growing in Rav's stomach sank deeper. He hadn't exactly been counting on Nick to give him the answer to all their problems, but...
Nick shrugged and continued, "But I'm not really hung up about anything you did or didn't do. I was scared and confused when you left suddenly, but I'm honestly really proud of myself for following you, and I'm really, really happy how that turned out. What I'm hung up on is more, like..." Nick's eyes looked to one side for a moment before he finished, the corners of his lips quirking. "I think I lost track of where we were a little bit, when we were still dancing."
Rav nodded and was starting to feel like they had had this conversation before.
What helps you check in with yourself? Rav had asked that first time. But, maybe that had been too solution-oriented, maybe Rav had too deeply wanted a remedy for when things next went wrong. It didn't actually get at the root cause.
Why did Nick get carried away? And what, exactly, was wrong with that?
Having more of an anchor to Nick's perspective helped dissipate some of the storm cloud that had built in Rav's gut, and several different crooked smiles attempted to cross his face as he thought of a series of questions he could ask Nick to bring his blush back up to the surface, but that felt like a distraction.
"What are you afraid will happen if you get carried away?" He managed to keep a neutral expression, though the temptation to smile slightly and lean the comment lewd was strong. Ultimately, Rav took a sip of his drink--now almost finished--to hide the impulse.
"I'm not sure," Nick said after a deep breath, and the pit that had been growing in Rav's stomach sank deeper. He hadn't exactly been counting on Nick to give him the answer to all their problems, but...
Nick shrugged and continued, "But I'm not really hung up about anything you did or didn't do. I was scared and confused when you left suddenly, but I'm honestly really proud of myself for following you, and I'm really, really happy how that turned out. What I'm hung up on is more, like..." Nick's eyes looked to one side for a moment before he finished, the corners of his lips quirking. "I think I lost track of where we were a little bit, when we were still dancing."
Rav nodded and was starting to feel like they had had this conversation before.
What helps you check in with yourself? Rav had asked that first time. But, maybe that had been too solution-oriented, maybe Rav had too deeply wanted a remedy for when things next went wrong. It didn't actually get at the root cause.
Why did Nick get carried away? And what, exactly, was wrong with that?
Having more of an anchor to Nick's perspective helped dissipate some of the storm cloud that had built in Rav's gut, and several different crooked smiles attempted to cross his face as he thought of a series of questions he could ask Nick to bring his blush back up to the surface, but that felt like a distraction.
"What are you afraid will happen if you get carried away?" He managed to keep a neutral expression, though the temptation to smile slightly and lean the comment lewd was strong. Ultimately, Rav took a sip of his drink--now almost finished--to hide the impulse.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
"What are you afraid will happen if you get carried away?"
Nick glanced back to Rav, his raised eyebrows and crooked smile just a little chagrined at being asked to say it out loud. But, Rav's expression was neutral as he lifted his drink to his lips awaiting Nick's response. Nick couldn't decide if that made it worse or better. In either case, his face still felt a little warm, his eyes darting bashfully back to the plant.
He thought he knew what he was going to say--something about Rav kissing him, like he'd kissed his therapist--but that wasn't it. He liked the idea that Rav might have kissed him in the natural course of reacting to how Nick was dancing. And it didn't feel like the same specter that had Nick both wanting and not wanting to kiss Rav before. Nick closed his eyes, looking for where the fear actually was. It wasn't in the theoretical kiss, but after, in the moment when he would have realized that they were still in class, surrounded by people who might have any number of reactions to the kiss.
Nick looked a little more somber by the time he opened his eyes again, still aimed toward the plant. His lips were still smiling, but it looked a little drowsy, tired from carrying some sort of weight.
"I guess that... the people I lost track of might think poorly of me. Or just, that I might make them uncomfortable, maybe."
He let another beat pass before he looked back to Rav, still a little bashful and sheepish.
Nick glanced back to Rav, his raised eyebrows and crooked smile just a little chagrined at being asked to say it out loud. But, Rav's expression was neutral as he lifted his drink to his lips awaiting Nick's response. Nick couldn't decide if that made it worse or better. In either case, his face still felt a little warm, his eyes darting bashfully back to the plant.
He thought he knew what he was going to say--something about Rav kissing him, like he'd kissed his therapist--but that wasn't it. He liked the idea that Rav might have kissed him in the natural course of reacting to how Nick was dancing. And it didn't feel like the same specter that had Nick both wanting and not wanting to kiss Rav before. Nick closed his eyes, looking for where the fear actually was. It wasn't in the theoretical kiss, but after, in the moment when he would have realized that they were still in class, surrounded by people who might have any number of reactions to the kiss.
Nick looked a little more somber by the time he opened his eyes again, still aimed toward the plant. His lips were still smiling, but it looked a little drowsy, tired from carrying some sort of weight.
"I guess that... the people I lost track of might think poorly of me. Or just, that I might make them uncomfortable, maybe."
He let another beat pass before he looked back to Rav, still a little bashful and sheepish.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Rav studied Nick's expression carefully, pleased that Nick was still blushing even given the direction Rav had taken the conversation. Not a total loss, then, he thought.
After several glances at the plant, which had maybe never received so much attention, Nick closed his eyes. Rav waited patiently, taking another sip of his drink and doing his best to focus on his own breathing lest his mind start catastrophizing again.
When Nick returned from his inner landscape, his face was more somber, but the ghost of a belabored smile still attempted an expression across his face.
"I guess that... the people I lost track of might think poorly of me. Or just, that I might make them uncomfortable, maybe."
Rav nodded, looking down at the table as he called to mind many of the times he had seen classmates down on the floor with each other, engaged in something that would be difficult to say was not sex, even if it had been clothed. Granted, Rav tended to get uncomfortable himself in those moments and had even considered not going back to contact improv after one particularly potent bout happened, but the instructor had drawn a line at some point, much to Rav's relief. He wondered if the two dancers had felt as sheepish as Nick about getting carried away.
Nick, on the other hand, hadn't gone to more than a handful of classes, which had been, by most accounts, tamer on the whole. He wasn't part of the culture, exactly, not that Rav himself was very deep into it. Still, Rav knew not to go on "amoeba" night unless he wanted to opt in to his own worst nightmare. One-on-one dancing was therapy enough, thanks.
He hadn't realized he had been holding his eyebrows high the whole time as he stared at the table in front of Nick.
"If it makes you feel any better, I doubt you would have gotten even half as carried away as some people I've seen there," Rav finally said, but he didn't want to sidestep Nick's admission either. "Have you made people uncomfortable before?"
This time, it was easier to keep a neutral expression, but there was a rising tension in Rav's gut and low belly that had nothing to do with guilt or shame.
After several glances at the plant, which had maybe never received so much attention, Nick closed his eyes. Rav waited patiently, taking another sip of his drink and doing his best to focus on his own breathing lest his mind start catastrophizing again.
When Nick returned from his inner landscape, his face was more somber, but the ghost of a belabored smile still attempted an expression across his face.
"I guess that... the people I lost track of might think poorly of me. Or just, that I might make them uncomfortable, maybe."
Rav nodded, looking down at the table as he called to mind many of the times he had seen classmates down on the floor with each other, engaged in something that would be difficult to say was not sex, even if it had been clothed. Granted, Rav tended to get uncomfortable himself in those moments and had even considered not going back to contact improv after one particularly potent bout happened, but the instructor had drawn a line at some point, much to Rav's relief. He wondered if the two dancers had felt as sheepish as Nick about getting carried away.
Nick, on the other hand, hadn't gone to more than a handful of classes, which had been, by most accounts, tamer on the whole. He wasn't part of the culture, exactly, not that Rav himself was very deep into it. Still, Rav knew not to go on "amoeba" night unless he wanted to opt in to his own worst nightmare. One-on-one dancing was therapy enough, thanks.
He hadn't realized he had been holding his eyebrows high the whole time as he stared at the table in front of Nick.
"If it makes you feel any better, I doubt you would have gotten even half as carried away as some people I've seen there," Rav finally said, but he didn't want to sidestep Nick's admission either. "Have you made people uncomfortable before?"
This time, it was easier to keep a neutral expression, but there was a rising tension in Rav's gut and low belly that had nothing to do with guilt or shame.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Rav was looking down at the table when Nick blinked back to him. Nick puzzled on the man's expression a little, curiously tracing the high eyebrows and thoughtful eyes. Nick could imagine maybe Rav was playing it out himself, looking at the difference between the one-on-one scene with his therapist and the reality of dancing around others. Had Rav also lost track of where they were? Nick supposed that might make sense--maybe part of why Rav had stormed off when he did was because he had suddenly realized where they were, at least on some level. In that light... maybe Nick was awkwardly grateful that Rav had stopped them both there... and freshly guilty about having put Rav in that position.
"If it makes you feel any better, I doubt you would have gotten even half as carried away as some people I've seen there," Rav finally said, and Nick's own eyebrows rose, his head quirking just slightly to the side, blush still going strong. Then Rav asked, "Have you made people uncomfortable before?"
Nick's eyebrows rose even higher for a moment, then he squinted slightly in thought, his gaze drifting once more to the plant.
"Well..." he dipped his head subtly to the side, flicking his gaze back to Rav a little coyly. "I mean... I guess I do have the impression that some of the other people at that party I told you about were a little uncomfortable."
"If it makes you feel any better, I doubt you would have gotten even half as carried away as some people I've seen there," Rav finally said, and Nick's own eyebrows rose, his head quirking just slightly to the side, blush still going strong. Then Rav asked, "Have you made people uncomfortable before?"
Nick's eyebrows rose even higher for a moment, then he squinted slightly in thought, his gaze drifting once more to the plant.
"Well..." he dipped his head subtly to the side, flicking his gaze back to Rav a little coyly. "I mean... I guess I do have the impression that some of the other people at that party I told you about were a little uncomfortable."
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Nick's eyebrows raised and then lowered in thought as he squinted off to one side.
"Well..." Nick said, looking sidelong at Rav for a moment. "I mean... I guess I do have the impression that some of the other people at that party I told you about were a little uncomfortable."
As Rav started to recall the details of the party Nick mentioned, he also remembered the pressure of Nick against him, the steady tapping, the partial reenactment, the friction. His breathing had started to pick up, but he willed it to slow and stabilize.
Coffee shop, he reminded himself, not couch.
He tried to parse through what Nick had actually said and what it meant in this context. Nick said he wouldn't have traded those thirty seconds with that boy for anything. Even if it had made people uncomfortable? That was... complicated. Rav wondered how he would feel if the encounter he'd had with the intoxicated girl had been that enjoyable. But, it couldn't have been. There hadn't been any tension, no buildup. Just a simple giving in to peer pressure. May as well, he had thought at the time.
Rav would trade just about anything to do it differently.
He nodded, trying to buy himself more time for whatever direction he wanted to take this next. He wasn't Nick's therapist, so maybe it wasn't his place to dig deeper, but they were here now. What did Rav want to do with that?
He was tempted to ask if Nick still felt afraid of getting carried away even when he was alone with Rav, and if so, who he was afraid of making uncomfortable, but he thought that would lead them in circles right back to Nick's ex, and he'd rather avoid summoning specters again.
To wit.
One weightless day.
"I have to wonder," he said, tearing off a piece of the croissant, "what the world would be like if there were more places where things like that were okay. Not just, like, sex clubs, but actual openness about it in the culture. I don't know. Maybe I'll never know." Rav chewed the flaky croissant and its hardened chocolate thoughtfully. "I guess, if I'm being really honest with myself, I'm tired of it being something I feel like I have to hide."
"Well..." Nick said, looking sidelong at Rav for a moment. "I mean... I guess I do have the impression that some of the other people at that party I told you about were a little uncomfortable."
As Rav started to recall the details of the party Nick mentioned, he also remembered the pressure of Nick against him, the steady tapping, the partial reenactment, the friction. His breathing had started to pick up, but he willed it to slow and stabilize.
Coffee shop, he reminded himself, not couch.
He tried to parse through what Nick had actually said and what it meant in this context. Nick said he wouldn't have traded those thirty seconds with that boy for anything. Even if it had made people uncomfortable? That was... complicated. Rav wondered how he would feel if the encounter he'd had with the intoxicated girl had been that enjoyable. But, it couldn't have been. There hadn't been any tension, no buildup. Just a simple giving in to peer pressure. May as well, he had thought at the time.
Rav would trade just about anything to do it differently.
He nodded, trying to buy himself more time for whatever direction he wanted to take this next. He wasn't Nick's therapist, so maybe it wasn't his place to dig deeper, but they were here now. What did Rav want to do with that?
He was tempted to ask if Nick still felt afraid of getting carried away even when he was alone with Rav, and if so, who he was afraid of making uncomfortable, but he thought that would lead them in circles right back to Nick's ex, and he'd rather avoid summoning specters again.
To wit.
One weightless day.
"I have to wonder," he said, tearing off a piece of the croissant, "what the world would be like if there were more places where things like that were okay. Not just, like, sex clubs, but actual openness about it in the culture. I don't know. Maybe I'll never know." Rav chewed the flaky croissant and its hardened chocolate thoughtfully. "I guess, if I'm being really honest with myself, I'm tired of it being something I feel like I have to hide."
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Nick watched his comment land in Rav, relishing the weight and tension of it in both their bodies. He liked feeling the phantom of Rav's body on top of his, the echoes of friction they'd shared together. That had been a really good experience, and he was glad he'd gotten there with Rav. He was glad he got to bask in the moment after the fact, too. Nick felt a pleasant serenity settle over him; whatever bumps they ran into... surely this feeling was worth it.
He started to get a little nervous when Rav was quiet for such a long moment, though. Perhaps also, he seemed to grow more somber, something in the air between them shifting away from the friction on the couch and into... distance. Unknown. Nick yearned to reach through it and touch the other side, but he wasn't sure he even could, much less whether it was wise to try.
Rav nodded at least, and Nick contented himself with pinching off another bite of cinnamon roll to occupy his attention while Rav finished his contemplation.
"I have to wonder," Rav finally said, tearing off a piece of the croissant, "what the world would be like if there were more places where things like that were okay. Not just, like, sex clubs, but actual openness about it in the culture. I don't know. Maybe I'll never know." Rav chewed the flaky croissant and its hardened chocolate thoughtfully. "I guess, if I'm being really honest with myself, I'm tired of it being something I feel like I have to hide."
Nick finished his bite of cinnamon roll quickly, his head already nodding in agreement before he swallowed.
"Honestly!" Nick said with a crooked smile. He'd intended to say more, but he wasn't entirely sure what else he actually wanted to say. He could share more analysis of that moment in contact improv--maybe a tension within himself, between what he wanted to be okay in the space and what he worried wouldn't be--but, he felt like Rav already got it, and he didn't want to just keep belaboring the point. He yearned to lean in to what he and Rav were both expressing a shared desire for. But, like... here in this coffee shop, without losing sight of the setting. What did Nick genuinely want to be welcome here?
He thought back to the way he and Rav had held hands over the table, but he felt self-conscious about sticky fingers. Instead, under the table, he bravely scooted his foot forward, finding Rav's to gently bump up against, his eyes nervous but daring as he met Rav's gaze.
"I guess something I want to figure out," Nick said slowly, "is how I want to invite more in, wherever I am, but like... without pushing my surroundings out of frame."
He started to get a little nervous when Rav was quiet for such a long moment, though. Perhaps also, he seemed to grow more somber, something in the air between them shifting away from the friction on the couch and into... distance. Unknown. Nick yearned to reach through it and touch the other side, but he wasn't sure he even could, much less whether it was wise to try.
Rav nodded at least, and Nick contented himself with pinching off another bite of cinnamon roll to occupy his attention while Rav finished his contemplation.
"I have to wonder," Rav finally said, tearing off a piece of the croissant, "what the world would be like if there were more places where things like that were okay. Not just, like, sex clubs, but actual openness about it in the culture. I don't know. Maybe I'll never know." Rav chewed the flaky croissant and its hardened chocolate thoughtfully. "I guess, if I'm being really honest with myself, I'm tired of it being something I feel like I have to hide."
Nick finished his bite of cinnamon roll quickly, his head already nodding in agreement before he swallowed.
"Honestly!" Nick said with a crooked smile. He'd intended to say more, but he wasn't entirely sure what else he actually wanted to say. He could share more analysis of that moment in contact improv--maybe a tension within himself, between what he wanted to be okay in the space and what he worried wouldn't be--but, he felt like Rav already got it, and he didn't want to just keep belaboring the point. He yearned to lean in to what he and Rav were both expressing a shared desire for. But, like... here in this coffee shop, without losing sight of the setting. What did Nick genuinely want to be welcome here?
He thought back to the way he and Rav had held hands over the table, but he felt self-conscious about sticky fingers. Instead, under the table, he bravely scooted his foot forward, finding Rav's to gently bump up against, his eyes nervous but daring as he met Rav's gaze.
"I guess something I want to figure out," Nick said slowly, "is how I want to invite more in, wherever I am, but like... without pushing my surroundings out of frame."
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
For a moment, Rav worried that he had asked Nick questions only to make it about himself again, but Nick's quickly swallowed bite of cinnamon roll and glinting half-smile reassured Rav entirely.
"Honestly!" Nick said, eliciting a burst of excitement in Rav's stomach. He felt like they were breaking through something, getting back on the same team, and that sensation was... really good.
Rav wasn't sure Nick was going to say more and so busied himself swirling the ice in his almost empty cup, thinking about if there was any way he wanted to elaborate on his statement. There was a bump under the table, though, that interrupted his train of thought. Rav blinked several times and looked to one side of the table as he seriously considered checking under there to see what...
Oh.
His face reddened, but he kept his expression neutral as Nick met his gaze.
"I guess something I want to figure out," Nick said slowly as Rav hung on every word, "is how I want to invite more in, wherever I am, but like... without pushing my surroundings out of frame."
The sparking sensation in Rav's gut became stronger, bursting past the confines of his stomach and working its way into his chest. He almost put a hand there but managed to refrain. Gently, he pushed his foot further into Nick's, enjoying the pressure. Images of their time in the park bathroom flashed to mind, but Rav didn't get trapped there. He simply floated in and out of what was pleasurable about that, nodding to the links between that moment and this one.
He drained the last of his macchiato and grinned wickedly.
"Like an inside joke," Rav said quietly, eager for all the places this conversation might take them. But, after a moment, he sobered, setting his glass down carefully.
"I honestly love that idea, and the one thing I struggle to get past..." Rav flicked sharp eyes up to Nick's face and allowed himself to study the waves of his black hair and how they fell gently at the edges. "...I don't know how much you... I mean, I guess, sometimes I can't shake the feeling that my..." he lowered his voice for a moment, "...sexual energy... is still noticeable somehow, even if I'm not doing anything about it. Or, I look like I'm not doing anything about it."
Rav felt almost shy speaking this out loud, but it was a conversation he wanted to have if they were going down this road.
"Honestly!" Nick said, eliciting a burst of excitement in Rav's stomach. He felt like they were breaking through something, getting back on the same team, and that sensation was... really good.
Rav wasn't sure Nick was going to say more and so busied himself swirling the ice in his almost empty cup, thinking about if there was any way he wanted to elaborate on his statement. There was a bump under the table, though, that interrupted his train of thought. Rav blinked several times and looked to one side of the table as he seriously considered checking under there to see what...
Oh.
His face reddened, but he kept his expression neutral as Nick met his gaze.
"I guess something I want to figure out," Nick said slowly as Rav hung on every word, "is how I want to invite more in, wherever I am, but like... without pushing my surroundings out of frame."
The sparking sensation in Rav's gut became stronger, bursting past the confines of his stomach and working its way into his chest. He almost put a hand there but managed to refrain. Gently, he pushed his foot further into Nick's, enjoying the pressure. Images of their time in the park bathroom flashed to mind, but Rav didn't get trapped there. He simply floated in and out of what was pleasurable about that, nodding to the links between that moment and this one.
He drained the last of his macchiato and grinned wickedly.
"Like an inside joke," Rav said quietly, eager for all the places this conversation might take them. But, after a moment, he sobered, setting his glass down carefully.
"I honestly love that idea, and the one thing I struggle to get past..." Rav flicked sharp eyes up to Nick's face and allowed himself to study the waves of his black hair and how they fell gently at the edges. "...I don't know how much you... I mean, I guess, sometimes I can't shake the feeling that my..." he lowered his voice for a moment, "...sexual energy... is still noticeable somehow, even if I'm not doing anything about it. Or, I look like I'm not doing anything about it."
Rav felt almost shy speaking this out loud, but it was a conversation he wanted to have if they were going down this road.
Re: Road to Repair: Rav and Nick
Nick's heart fluttered in his throat as he watched Rav's eyes stare down almost as though through the table at their feet; his cheeks gaining color. Nick felt giddy and excited, if slightly nervous that maybe he had been too bold--but that nervousness faded as Rav's foot gently pushed back against Nick's, affirming interest in the contact.
Then, Rav drank the last of his macchiato, his mouth turning up a sharp grin that sent warm, dancing sparks spiralling through Nick's stomach.
"Like an inside joke," Rav said quietly, and Nick giggled softly at the idea, his hips wiggling a little in his chair as his gleeful excitement demanded some small way to express. Rav grew somber after a moment though, and Nick quietly exhaled some of his energy, focusing curiosity on whatever thought had crossed Rav's mind.
"I honestly love that idea, and the one thing I struggle to get past..." Rav flicked his eyes up to Nick, and Nick almost startled from their sharpness, a pleasant wave of goosebumps passing over the back of his neck.
"...I don't know how much you..." Rav continued, "I mean, I guess, sometimes I can't shake the feeling that my..." he lowered his voice for a moment, "...sexual energy... is still noticeable somehow, even if I'm not doing anything about it. Or, I look like I'm not doing anything about it."
Nick's smile was once again wide and crooked, his own cheeks surely colored with blush. He felt light chills on his forearms and a pleasant, warm tingling in his belly. He was tempted to simply relish those sensations and Rav's sharp gaze and the gentle pressure of their feet pressed against one another under the table... and now, the buoyant, buzzing glee of potential noticeable sexual energy, which Nick clearly liked the thought of.
But, he also felt a tug to form some kind of a reply. Rav had expressed a worry about that sexual energy that Nick liked the thought of. Worry that other people might notice it. Presumably, that it might make other people uncomfortable. Nick's expression slowly calmed to a serene, slightly melancholy understanding, and at last he nodded.
"I think I know what you mean." Nick said. He let a thoughtful pause stand after, his eyes briefly dipping down to his mocha. There was an urge to make an argument for why sexual energy had a right to exist in public, even if it made other people uncomfortable. But even if his mind could find the arguments right now... some part of himself still didn't believe it, so how could he ask Rav to?
Nick sighed and shook his head a little as he brought his gaze back up to Rav's.
"I guess that's part of the puzzle, too, then." He thought about adding, 'I'd like to work on it,' or something like, but instead he got curious about how he might work on it, right now.
Shyly, Nick flicked his gaze out toward their surroundings, checking what other patrons caught his attention. It was a way that he honestly didn't often look at his surroundings, and it made his heart jump up into his throat a little bit, his gaze quickly retreating back to his mocha, his smile wide again and extra crooked.
"Do you think anyone is uncomfortable with the energy we have right now?" he asked softly, returning to a slow pace where he picked each word one after the next. Then, he raised his eyes back to Rav, his head still tilted down a little, his eyebrows raised curiously as his foot shifted just enough to bring the pressure between them back into focus.
Then, Rav drank the last of his macchiato, his mouth turning up a sharp grin that sent warm, dancing sparks spiralling through Nick's stomach.
"Like an inside joke," Rav said quietly, and Nick giggled softly at the idea, his hips wiggling a little in his chair as his gleeful excitement demanded some small way to express. Rav grew somber after a moment though, and Nick quietly exhaled some of his energy, focusing curiosity on whatever thought had crossed Rav's mind.
"I honestly love that idea, and the one thing I struggle to get past..." Rav flicked his eyes up to Nick, and Nick almost startled from their sharpness, a pleasant wave of goosebumps passing over the back of his neck.
"...I don't know how much you..." Rav continued, "I mean, I guess, sometimes I can't shake the feeling that my..." he lowered his voice for a moment, "...sexual energy... is still noticeable somehow, even if I'm not doing anything about it. Or, I look like I'm not doing anything about it."
Nick's smile was once again wide and crooked, his own cheeks surely colored with blush. He felt light chills on his forearms and a pleasant, warm tingling in his belly. He was tempted to simply relish those sensations and Rav's sharp gaze and the gentle pressure of their feet pressed against one another under the table... and now, the buoyant, buzzing glee of potential noticeable sexual energy, which Nick clearly liked the thought of.
But, he also felt a tug to form some kind of a reply. Rav had expressed a worry about that sexual energy that Nick liked the thought of. Worry that other people might notice it. Presumably, that it might make other people uncomfortable. Nick's expression slowly calmed to a serene, slightly melancholy understanding, and at last he nodded.
"I think I know what you mean." Nick said. He let a thoughtful pause stand after, his eyes briefly dipping down to his mocha. There was an urge to make an argument for why sexual energy had a right to exist in public, even if it made other people uncomfortable. But even if his mind could find the arguments right now... some part of himself still didn't believe it, so how could he ask Rav to?
Nick sighed and shook his head a little as he brought his gaze back up to Rav's.
"I guess that's part of the puzzle, too, then." He thought about adding, 'I'd like to work on it,' or something like, but instead he got curious about how he might work on it, right now.
Shyly, Nick flicked his gaze out toward their surroundings, checking what other patrons caught his attention. It was a way that he honestly didn't often look at his surroundings, and it made his heart jump up into his throat a little bit, his gaze quickly retreating back to his mocha, his smile wide again and extra crooked.
"Do you think anyone is uncomfortable with the energy we have right now?" he asked softly, returning to a slow pace where he picked each word one after the next. Then, he raised his eyes back to Rav, his head still tilted down a little, his eyebrows raised curiously as his foot shifted just enough to bring the pressure between them back into focus.